Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
-x-
Sparkle: Okay people. We were suppose to be saving Kenny this intermission, but we found something much more fun to do.
Tempest: *actually nods in agreement* Yes, we had our first flame, and how do we respond to flamers?
-Tempest and Sparkle look at each other-
Tempest & Sparkle: WE MAKE FUN OF THEM! SQUEEEEEE!
Sparkle: Let's take a look at the review in question shall we.
The Review: that was the biggest load of crap i ever read. adam banks likes girls. hmm wat else. u ppl suck at writing. and if u send a reply to me dont ask how i no, its because at 14 im already a fukin published writer so bite me -- ashley (duddett@hotmail.com)
Tempest: Oh my, that's sad. *shakes head* Stupid people piss me off. *starts pulling out the dull fork*
Sparkle: Now that's a real mature review, but you know what I say. Fight stupidity with stupidity. *Tempest starts waving around her dull fork.* Wait, she's a published writer. You can't kill her. *snickers* Even though, my three year old sister can construct better sentences than that. What's a wat?
Tempest: *shrugs* Maybe, it's whatever she has stuck up her ass?
Sparkle: You mean after the 10 dildos she's already stuck up her ass, there's still room for more?
Tempest: Well 'u' 'no', I don't 'no' cause she's a 'fukin' published stooopid. We 'ppl' suck at writing, and we can't ask how she 'nos' anything. God I feel dirty talking like the dumb bitch.
Sparkle: Yeah, I'm sure she's published, and my mother is Audrey Hepburn. It's a miracle she spelt her name right.
Tempest: Maybe she wrote a book called "Wats and "Nos" for Dummies". I'm sure it goes over the finer points of not being able to spell and becoming a "published" author.
Sparkle: But what's a wat?
-Nick suddenly appears in the room.-
Sparkle: Hey Nick, what's a wat?
Nick: o_O;; I don't know. Please don't let it be some icky girl thing. *covers ears* I'm not listening.
Tempest: Look read the review.
Nick: *reads the review* What is this Mandarin? What the hell is a fuking?
Tempest: It stands for "Yoo Fuk Gud". Or should that be, "U NO U FUK GUD?"
Sparkle: U NO U FUK GUD? *dies in laughter* Nick you really should leave your dumb broads at home. She's going to get a aneurysm from trying to spell big words.
Nick: -_- I swear. She's not mine. Even I have better taste than that.
Tempest: She's such a GUDSPELLIR.
-Nick and Sparkle look at Tempest oddly.-
Tempest: WHAT? If we expect her to understand it, we got to speak dumbonics!
Sparkle: I still want to know what a wat is. *sniffles* I feel left out.
Tempest: *continues to make fun of the dumb reviewer* U DON'T NO WAT U TALKEEEEN BOUT.
Nick: *starts making fun too* FUKING DUMB PPL.
Tempest: WAT U SAY 2 MEH, NICK? FUKIN BOI! U NO U FUK GUD. STOOOPID DUMB BOI! U DON'T KNOW NUTHIN! I FUKIN HATE U.
Sparkle: Oh God, they're lost there minds. I'm going to have to translate for us normal people. Tempest said… *cries* I don't speak Ashley speak. I don't know what she said. *sniffles* CAN SOMEONE TRANSLATE? WHAT THE HELL IS A WAT?
Nick: U R SO STOOPID, SPARKLE. U DON'T NO ASHLEY SPEAK. U R NOT LEET.
Tempest: U LEAVE SPARKLE ALONE U FUKIN BOI! WAT'S UR PROBLEEEEM? *rolls eyes*
Sparkle: Oi, my head hurt. *rubs temples*
Nick: U LEAVE MEH ALONE TEMPEST. U DON'T KNOW N E THING. ASHLEY IS PUBLISHED U NO.
Tempest: Huked on fonics werked 4 her.
Nick: DUH, WAT DID U THINK? U NO ASHLEY IS SPESHUL.
Tempest: U SUCK, NICK!
Sparkle: I want to know what a wat is. TRANSLATOR! WHERE'S THE DAMN TRANSLATOR?
Tempest: I NO SPARKLE. LETS GO SERCHAN 4 THE WAT!
Sparkle: What?
NicK: I NO WAT WAT'S ARE DIM SUM FOOD.
Tempest: DIM SUM FOOD? *speaks as normal people do when they're not in Ashley speak dumbonics* He said Wat is a food.
Sparkle: Oh? *looks skeptical*
Tempest: I still thinks it's whatever she has stuck up her loose ass. *nods*
Sparkle: *lightbulb* I HAVE AN IDEA! LET'S INTERVIEW ASHLEY!
Tempest: O_O But you don't speak Ashley's dumbonics.
Sparkle: I know, but you and Nick do. ^_^
Nick: You mean I got to keep talking like I don't know how to spell? GUD GAWD SPAHKLE, U MAKES ME SIK.
Tempest: How do you plan on getting her here? *_*
Sparkle: *takes out her duct tape* How else?
-Sparkle exits the room. We hear loud kicking noises and Sparkle screaming, "STOP SPEAKING YOUR DUMBONICS! TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!" A few minutes later we see Sparkle dragging in Ashley.-
Sparkle: *rips the tape from Ashley's mouth* Talk bitch.
Ashley: WAT R U DOIN'? WHAR THE FUK M I? I'M FUKIN PUBLISHED U NO.
Sparkle: *looks to Tempest and Nick for help* What did she say?
Nick: She wants to know what you're doing, where she's at, and she want you to know that she's fucking publish.
Sparkle: (_* Oh, thanks. *turns to look at Ashley and starts to speak really loud because everyone knows that dumb people need slow enuciation* I… AM… GOING… TO… INTERVIEW… YOU… DO… YOU… UNDERSTAND?
Ashley: @_@ *looks confused and grunts like an animal*
Sparkle: *throws hands up* Someone translate.
Tempest: *to Ashley* SHE IZ GOIN' 2 INNAVIEW U, 'Kay?
Ashley: U PPL R DUMB. I M A FUKIN PUBLISHED WRITER, N I M 14, werd.
Tempest: *starts to pull out dull fork, so she can stab Ashley in the head, but Sparkle stops her*
Sparkle: C'mon what did she say?
Tempest: She said we were dumb, so I was going to stab her and put her out of her ignorant bliss.
Sparkle: C'mon now Tempest. Stab her after the interview.
Tempest: ~_~ I got to wait?
Sparkle: Yes. *turns to Ashley* So, you're a published writer. What did you write? Nick, translate.
Nick: WOT U WRITE BOUT? WAZ IT A GUD BUK?
Ashley: *nods happily*YESH, THEY WERE VARY GUD BUKS. I WROTE DUMBONICS 4 DUMMIEZ. N I WROTE ASHLEY'Z WORL!
Nick: o_O;; Um… she said she wrote Dumbonics for Dummies, and some book called Ashley's World.
Sparkle: Oh, that's interesting. Ask her what her book Ashley's World is about?
Tempest: Yo! WAT UR BUK ASHLEY'Z WORL BOUT?
Ashley: *gets excited like the dumbass she is* ITZ BOUT MEH N SHOPIN' N CLOTHEZ N BOIZ N SKOOL N MUZIKS N HOW SMARTALALA I M.
Tempest: She says it's about her, shopping, clothes, boys, school, music, and how smart she is.
Sparkle: She goes to school? I find that very disturbing.
Tempest: WAT?! GET THE FUK OUTIE! U GO 2 SKOOL?
Ashley: *rolls eyes* YESH! I GO 2 SKOOL. HOW U THINK I GOT 2 B PUBLISHED WRITER? I HAD 2 GO 2 SKOOL, BUT IMMA QUIT WEN I TURN 18. SKOOL IS DUMB N I WILL GET MUNEY 4 MAH BUKS N I WILL SHOP ALL DAY N U WONT, STOOOPID.
Sparkle: What she say? What she say?
NicK: She said she does go to school. How do you think she got published. Hmm… her dumbonics are a little funny, but I think she said she was going to quit school and get money for her books. Then she will shop all day, and you won't.
Sparkle: Interesting…
Tempest: You forgot to add stupid. She called you stupid, Sparkle.
Sparkle: Like she's the one to call anyone stupid. She can't even spell stupid. Ask her was writing her books hard.
Nick: WAZ WRITIN UR BUKS HARD?
Ashley: FUK YEA. I GOT THOSE THINGS DAT MAKE UR HEAD HURTZ BAAAAD
Nick: Headaches?
Ashley: YEAH. I GOT THOZ CUZ I HAD 2 THIK REALLY, REALLY HARD, BUT I M STIL BETTER THAN U CUZ I M FUKIN PUBLISHED.
Tempest: *grins hopefully* Can I stab her now?
Sparkle: Not until I know what she said.
Nick: She said it was hard and she got headaches, and she was better than us cause she was published.
Tempest: 50 bucks said she sucked…*Sparkle glares at Tempest and makes the PG-13 sign* er… toes cause a bum off the street said he could get her published.
Sparkle: Who said it had to be a guy?
Nick: Girl on girl action? Where? I'm there!
Tempest: Can I stab her now?
Sparkle: No, this is getting interesting. ^___________^ I mean I have to keep her alive for one reason. She said Adam likes girls.
Nick: Adam likes girls my butthole.
Tempest: Adam likes your butthole? o_O;; Nick, why didn't you tell me this before. I could have been taping –
Nick: I DIDN'T SAY HE LIKED MY BUTTHOLE!
Sparkle: ADAM DOESN'T LIKE HIS BUTTHOLE!! *cries*
Tempest: I'm not convinced. You'll have to do better than that.
-The Trio has forgotten about Ashley who is eating Sour skittles that Tempest dropped off the floor. They're more concerned about Adam and Nick's butthole.-
Tempest: Bahahaha! So you and Adam like to have buttsex?
Nick: You take that BACK!
Sparkle: YEAH YOU TAKE THAT BACK. THERE IS ONE OF YOU, AND TWO OF US?
Tempest: Well maybe I should make the odds higher. *claps at Ashley* Come here… animal… *whistles at Ashley who is still eating whatever she can find off the floor* ADAM LYKES 2 HAV THE BUTTsex0r with boiz! *Ashley growls and starts scratching her fleas*
Sparkle: What? *_*
Tempest: There now it's 3 against One. We two and a half against one because Nick knows that Adam is gay, but he's in denial about their hot buttsex.
-Delia saunters through the door still clad in her leather.-
Delia: Hello!! *spots Ashley who's not humping Nick's leg* Oh, what a cute puppy-animal-thing. I thought you didn't like animals, Sparkle.
Nick: GET IT OFF! GET THE FUK OFF ME BIZATCH! *screams*
Sparkle: What are you doin' here, and did you bring Ken?
Delia: No, and you're not getting him back, so swallow, choke, and die. I just came to see the garanimal and the buttsex.
Tempest: I'm going to stab her, so you can't have her.
Delia: NO! I WANT THE GARANIMAL!
Tempest: NO, I'M GOING TO STAB HER.
Delia: *pouts* Oh alright then. Anyway, who's having buttsex with Adam.
Tempest: NICK!
Nick: *still fighting Ashley* AM NOT!
Sparkle: IS NOT!
Delia: I wonder where Nick was gone those long nights. *snickers* Now, I know. Can I pet the garanimal?
Sparkle: She speaks dumbonics, and she bites.
Delia: Oh… well I speak…er… French… can she understand that… GARANIMAL! GARANIMAL! *starts to get hyper*
Sparkle: *shakes head* Where did we go wrong?
Delia: *tries to pet Ashley who promptly bites her*
Ashley: WAT THE FUK U DOIN'? IM 14, N IM PUBLISHED. GET THE FUK OFF ME! FUKIN' DUMB PPL. U DON'T NO N E THING!
Delia: er… dumbonics… let's see. Damnit I know some dumbonics. Me LUV U LONG TIME!
Ashley: DO U FUK GUD? CAN U GET MEH PUBLISHED? I SUK 4 5 DOLLA!
Delia: Hehe. This is fun. Let's see. I know more dumbonics. ME LUV U LONG TIME! U WAN 5 DOLLA! SUCKI, SUCKI NOW!
Tempest: DELIA! THIS IS NOT THE TIME NOR THE PLACE!
Delia: But didn't I tell her I wanted to take her home and add her to my collection? Sabertooth needs a playtoy; he keeps breaking 'em.
Nick: o_O;; Er… no… you told her you wanted her to suck something, and I want to know what?
Delia: Hmm... does she do toes?
Tempest: I hear she's an expert toe sucker.
Sparkle: You have Sabertooth?
Tempest: Dude, I wondered what happened to him. All I remember is the room getting black and he disappeared.
Delia: *proud* That was me.
Sparkle: Should've known.
Delia: So can I have her?
Tempest: NO, I'm GOING TO STAB HER REMEMBER!
Delia: Oh Right! Well I guess my Sabertooth will have to be lonely. *sniffles*
Sparkle: If you go to Sparkle's house, there's an Adam there. I bet Sabertooth would have fun with him.
Delia: Hey, you're right! *eyes brighten*
Sparkle: Touch him and die. *glares*
Tempest: Hmmm… I'll whip you someone up. *takes the keyboard out of her backpack and starts typing frantically*
-Ryu Hayabusa from Dead or Alive 3 and Ninja Gaiden falls out of the air.-
Delia: Mine?
Tempest: Oh! Hehe, that ones mine. *winks at Ryu Hayabusa who's in attack mode*
Sparkle: Tempest… is he dangerous?
-Tempest continues to type and a Justin Timberlake falls out the sky. Ashley immediately begins humping Justin's leg.-
Ashley: JUSTIN! *screams* ASDHJKLHFJDK FDSJKLFDHSJKLDFSJKL I LUV U! U FUK GUD! *continues to hump Justin's leg*
Justin: @_@
Tempest: That's yours if you can pry the published writer off his leg.
Delia: God, she's such a slut. I like her.
Sparkle: *mumbles* Yeah cause you're a slut.
Delia: What?
Sparkle: Oh NOTHING!
-Tempest glomps Ryu Hayabusa who is cursing at her in Japanese.-
Tempest: I don't know what he's saying. Where's Drake when you need her?
Delia: *hits Ashley* GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! THAT'S MY SABERTOOTH'S JUSTIN!
Ashley: HE'Z MINE U DON'T NO WAT U TALKEEEN BOUT!
-Delia kicks Ashley in the face and runs of with Justin with her infamous evil laugh, "MWAHAHAHAHAHA". Ashley retreats to her doghouse that appears out of nowhere. Meanwhile, Nick pouts cause Tempest is glomping Ryu Hayabusa.-
Sparkle: Not to self: Gotta get Ken back! *laughs nervously and turns to Nick who is still pouting.* Nick you're jealous! Aw!
Nick: I hate you all. I'm leaving. *runs away sobbing*
Sparkle: Well I guess I'd better end this chapter. I wonder where's Ashley?
-cut scene to Ashley eating toilet paper in the doghouse-
Sparkle: Ending notes, if you're going to flame, please, please at least leave a decent flame. Stupidity and fun *cough*intelligent*cough* flames are two different things.
Tempest: I think Ashley should be our new pet. :D Can we keep her? PLEASE! Hayabusa likes her too. *continues to glomp Ryu Hayabusa who is an unsightly shade of blue*
Ryu: … *says something in Japanese*
Tempest: *pretends to know what he said* Okay, as soon as we get home.
Ryu: …
Tempest: So can we keep her?
Sparkle: Oh, why not! I thought you wanted to stab her?
Tempest: I'll stab her at the end of the fic.
Sparkle: I'm not feeding her though.
Tempest: Oh hello, I'm sure the little git will find enough junk on the floor to sustain her. Wait until the girls meet the new fic mascot. Ashley the published Writer. FUKIN KEWLIEZ!
-Sparkle and Tempest w/Ryu Hayabusa walk away in the sunset.-
*
Hey guys, yeah I know some of you were suppose to be here, but we didn't want to get you all involved in this bullshit. Yes, dumbonics is a play on ebonics, but I don't mind ebonics. It's fun to talk in ebonics. :D You all will be in the next chapter. Joy you said you didn't get my email. What's your email addy? I haven't been able to check my email since I posted the last chapter, but I will tomorrow.