['Round the Twist]

[Part Two - "Twisting Around Again"]

Author: Mizzy

E-mail: mizzy_2k@yahoo.co.uk

Rating: R

Homepage: http://mizzy.deep-ice.com

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Summary: Have you ever, ever felt like this? When strange things happen, are you going 'round the twist? Don't take everything at face value, now!

Dedicated: to Savannah, the elitist of all stoats, and the chipmunk wench of the world.

-----

"…so you see, Professor, that's all we were doing."

Professor Dumbledore nodded, his eyes twinkling as he listened to the explanation.

"And why didn't you do it in the common room?"

Seamus sighed, looking quite red. "Because we had him with us," the Irish wizard said; jerking his head in Draco's direction. The blond pouted.

"Hey, I have a name too, you know," Draco protested instantly.

"What I don't get is the mattress," Professor McGonagall broke in.

"Well," Draco said slowly. "I suggested it."

Professor Dumbledore's voice cut through the embarassing silence. "You suggested the mattress Mr. Malfoy?"

"Yes," Draco snapped, defensive. "The floor was hard and cold, and anyway I'm not getting any younger you know."

Dumbledore raised one eyebrow slowly at Draco, and the blond just toed the ground with his foot.

"It was just a getting-to-know-each-other exercise," Harry pointed out helpfully.

Hermione, Ron and Seamus just stared, horrified, at Harry.

"That," Ron said sourly, "doesn't help our case much, Harry."

--------

"Look, I don't care what the twins say, that proves it was something sordid," Dean Thomas hissed to Ginny Weasley as they along with Neville Longbottom pelted away from Dumbledore's office. It had been Neville's timid suggestion that they eavesdrop on the whole thing and from the sick expressions on their faces any passer-by could tell what they'd heard was not a good thing.

"I should go see Percy," Ginny said, after a fretful moment. They slowed down and stopped near the Transfiguration classrooms the whole incident had begun in to listen to Ginny. "He'll know what to do."

"Percy?" Neville repeated dully. "Why? He's miles away!"

"Keep up with the times, Longbum," Dean teased, shaking his head disapprovingly at Neville. "The Halloween feast. Some ex-students are here to entertain us."

"Entertain us?" Neville stuttered. Ginny glowered at him.

"Come on, Percy's got a room near the Potion Labs. Oliver Wood should be there too, maybe he'll have some handy advice too," Ginny said.

Ginny picked up her robes and started pelting along the corridors down to the Potions area, and Dean and Neville just exchanged a glance before following her.

-----

They slowed down near the entrance to the Potions Labs to catch their breaths. Dean then pushed open the large wooden door leading to the narrow corridor, and they padded down the corridor gently, hoping not to run into Professor Snape. That wasn't the most practical thing to happen at any time.

"This way," Ginny said, indicating a small off-shoot that led away further down into the dungeons.

"Are you sure?" Neville asked. He really didn't like the dark, at all, and it was merely the presence of his room mates that stopped him from putting up the nightlight Charm his grandmother had taught him at nighttimes.

"Of course I'm sure!" Ginny stared at Neville, scandalised, for a moment. She looked at Dean and Dean nodded in understanding. Each grabbing hold of a sleeve, they dragged the protesting Neville down the darkened corridors lit by flickering torches.

"I can hear voices!" Dean muttered excitedly.

"Go see a shrink," Neville replied, bitterly.

"Neville --" Dean started, his eyes narrowed furiously.

"Boys, shush! This is the room, " Ginny said, rolling her eyes to the ceiling as Dean glowered furiously at Neville.

"Should we knock?" Neville asked fearfully.

"No, let's listen first to make sure it's just Percy and Oliver and that the twins aren't there already," Dean suggested.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Ginny asked with a giggle, but Dean and Neville had already pressed their ears up against the door and were listening intently. "Ah well," she said with a sigh, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

-----

"Percy, one of these is definitely bigger than the other." That was Oliver, it had to be. His voice was plaintive as he complained loudly to Percy. There was a sigh, which they presumed must have come from Percy.

"They should be the same size," Percy replied doubtfully. "Mine are. I could get them out for you..."

"I know that," Oliver snapped. "Come over here and feel mine."

There was a shuffling sound, and a small surprised gasp. "I say, one is bigger than the other. Well, you'll just have to live with it, or we can go see Professor McGonagall," Percy said.

"Oh, right." Oliver's voice sounded thick with irritation. "What am I going to tell her? That I can't perform because one of my balls is bigger than it's supposed to be?"

-----

Ginny covered up her ears in horror and moved backwards; not even reacting as her back slammed into the cold stone wall of the dungeons and flinching as she realised she could still hear them. Neville and Dean kept listening by the door.

-----

"Don't be silly," Percy said, sounding amused. "Try squeezing them together or something."

"I've tried that, it's no use," Oliver protested.

"Well, just try using them," Percy suggested.

There was a soft thump.

"Ow," Oliver muttered.

"You know, when I suggested you used your balls, I didn't mean for you to bounce them off your head," Percy said, laughing.

-----

"Argh!"

Dean and Neville shared a panicked yell and moved backwards, sharply, colliding with the wall like Ginny did. They stared in horror as they heard someone mutter "what on earth…" and the door slammed open, to reveal Percy and Oliver, fully dressed, scowling at the disturbance.

"Ginny?" Percy looked flustered, and Ginny stared. Her brother was holding three brightly coloured clubs which she recognised as juggling clubs and Oliver…

"Juggling balls," Dean breathed, realisation creeping into his tone. "You were talking about juggling balls!"

"That head," Ginny murmured, looking relieved.

Neville breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes. For the Halloween feast tonight," Oliver Wood explained. "Are you three all right?"

"Uh, yes. Uh, we have, we have to go now," Ginny said quickly, grabbing hold of Neville and Dean by their shoulders and yanking them along with her.

Percy and Oliver exchanged a slow, incredulous look.

"Uh, Perce, do you think those three…" Oliver made some kind of sordid gesture with his right hand.

Percy flushed. "Oliver, that's my little sister you're making lewd suggestions about."

"Oops." Oliver wrapped his arms around Percy's waist teasingly. "I wonder what Ginny would say about the lewd suggestions I make to her older brother."

"Get off me, you daft Quidditch moron, we've got a Feast to prepare for," Percy said, disentangling himself.

Oliver sighed.

-----

"Well we got that wrong," Dean remarked as they traipsed up the corridors to get to the Gryffindor common room.

"Yeah," Ginny agreed.

"Password?"

Neville blinked at the Fat Lady and fidgeted. "Uh…"

"Happy Halloween," Dean muttered, and the portrait swung open to reveal the round porthole entrance to the common room. The three scrambled through to a deserted common room.

"Wonder where everyone is," Ginny murmured, heading over to the fireplace. A thumping sound near the edge of the room, near the large storage cupboards, made all three Gryffindors jump as if stung.

"What on earth--" Dean started, confused, but none of them had the chance to investigate further as three people emerged from the staircase.

"Hermione! Ron! Seamus!" Ginny leapt off the settee near the fireplace and ran over to greet her brother and his friends. "Uh -- where've you been?"

"We've been to see the Headmaster," Seamus said with a grimace, yanking a box forwards from behind his back. "Trying to explain why we were playing Twister in the Transfiguration classrooms."

"Oh! So… So you weren't --" Neville started awkwardly, a guilty look on his face.

Hermione coloured. "No! No, we weren't. We were just playing a muggle game!"

"And the whole school now thinks we're perverts," Ron added miserably.

"Why was Malfoy there?" Dean asked, reasonably enough.

"Well --" Hermione started, then stopped as another soft thump filled the room. "What's that sound?" She asked instead.

"I don't know," Ginny replied. "I heard it a minute or so before you came down."

"It sounds like it's coming from over here," Neville offered, crossing to the storage cupboards. Dean, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Seamus padded cautiously over to the area.

"Nnnhhh…"

All six jumped backwards in shock as a soft moan issued from one of the cupboards.

"Harry… Oh god…"

Hermione looked up, her face pale. "That sounds like Draco…"

"Shush, Draco, anyone might be --"

"And that sounds like Harry," Ron added, just as shaken.

"Wait, wait, wait," Dean said. "It can't be anything bad."

Another moan came from the middle cupboard, and the cupboard shook a little.

"I don't know what else it could be!" Seamus said, looking panicked.

A groan came from the cupboard, followed by a gasp and a curious banging sound.

"Well, it can't be. This is about the fourth time today we've heard something dodgy without knowing what it is, and each time it's been something perfectly innocent," Ginny said, moving forwards and grabbing hold of the handle. "I'm sure it's not --"

She jerked the door open.

Out tumbled Harry and Draco, in a state of undress that made all six turn around in horror.

"Oh my virgin eyes!" Ginny wailed, covering her eyes and sobbing into Ron's shoulder.

"That's why Draco was there!" Hermione crowed triumphantly.

"Uh…." Harry said, in way of explanation.

"Hi?" Draco tried, scrambling up and quickly trying to cover his modesty.

"Hi yourself," Neville said weakly.

"You know what?" Dean asked rhetorically. "My mother was right after all. Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups."

"Your mother," Seamus said flatly, turning around to curiously peek at Harry and Draco again, "is a genius."

Neville frowned and picked up the Twister box. Seamus had dropped it in his… uh… shock.

"Anyone fancy a game of Twister?" Neville asked brightly, his round face beaming.

Seamus pounced on Neville, wrapping his arms around his neck, and the others (including a now dressed Harry and Draco) leapt on them to pull them apart. Ginny had her hands clamped on Neville's shoulder when Neville managed to twist until Seamus was underneath him. Dean got tripped up in the madness, Hermione was pulling away because Ron's foot was in her face, Harry had his arm trapped under Seamus' leg, Draco was stuck between Ron and Hermione, and Neville was somehow upside down with his legs in the air as the whole thing degenerated into a big dog fight.

No one was surprised by the timing of the portrait swinging open and a whole host of Gryffindors trooped in.

"What the hell?" Colin Creevey shrieked.

The pile of Gryffindors (plus one Slytherin. We mustn't forget Draco after all) untangled themselves sheepishly and fidgeted as the others stared at them in horror. Seamus grabbed hold of the forgotten Twister box.

"Anyone up for a game of Twister?"

"SEAAAAAAMMMMMMUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"

The six Gryffindors (plus one Slytherin) sat by Seamus abruptly sat on him, and that was the end of the Twister escapades as chronicled in the undisclosed Gryffindor Secret Archives. Ah, but dear readers, do not be disappointed, for three weeks later Virginia "Ginny" Weasley discovered Monopoly and that… that was a much funnier tale… Until Dumbledore joined in. And that's why that tale, rather than this shameless debacle, will remain the silent one.

Small mercies, my friends, we must be thankful for them, for that may be all we have. That and a rather battered cupboard of board games. Twister, anyone?

Signed,

D. Creevey, official GSA archivist.