Sauron,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know tha ring was your favourite, and it almost made me cry when I heard that that nasty little halfling had thrown it into the volcano. What a mean thing for him to do! I always knew there was a reason the world had almost forgotten about halflings!

Once again, I'm very sorry to hear about your losing the ring, but perhaps you should look on the bright side - you weren't attacked by giant trees and driven mad.

Sincerly,
Saruman