We're Back Chapter 2
A/N: I guess this is going to be mainly an attempted humour fic, seeing as the plot seems secondary to the gags. Sorry, the jokes are a bit, er, STALE. HAHAHAHA. You'll get it when the gum bit comes up. And chances are you won't laugh. Sigh. This chapter isn't so good, minus the beginning if I do say so myself.
P.S. Dally will come in soon. Somewhere…
P.P.S. Oh my god oh my god, I'm obsessed with Two-Bit as well as Dallas! That accounts for the many Matthews shenanigans. Whatever, here it is (finally right? I need to stop the A/Ns I really do):
~
The first thing Eleanor felt when she awoke, was the violent urge to pee. There was light now, coming from a window shining across the bedspread in a flood of golden warmth.
The door opened and a nurse walked in, her curled brown hair pinned up under a white hat.
"Hello, you're awake," she said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"
"I gotta go to the bathroom," Eleanor blurted out, before she could stop herself. The nurse laughed and reached a hand toward Eleanor.
"Sure thing honey, that's what the others said. Not that there were many. But there were a few, and those ones always said they needed a bathroom straightaway. You've been out for awhile after all. Lemme help you up here." The nurse helped Eleanor from the bed, shuffling her IV to the side. Eleanor stood, and on wobbly legs, made her way to the bathroom, not 5 feet away.
"Here you are, I'll leave you alone from here. Holler if you need help." The nurse winked then shut the door, leaving Eleanor to do her business in private. The girl watched the nurse leave, wondering what on earth the lady was talking about. But, the strain on her bladder was too much, and, shrugging off the nurse's comments, she flipped up the spotted hospital gown…and got the shock of her 16-year-old life.
Jerking her hands away, Eleanor looked up in horror, then spied herself in the bathroom mirror. Only it wasn't herself. Instead of her dusky brown complexion, and close-cropped black hair, she was staring at a shocked pale face, with eyes the colour of jeans, and the lightest hair she'd ever seen, almost down to her shoulders.
Eleanor snapped her eyes shut. 'Oh my Lord,' she thought frantically. This had to be some bizarre sort of dream. Slowly, she peeked up through her eyelashes, pale brown short eyelashes instead of her thick, curly, black ones. The face was still there, still pale and terrorised and so male she was tempted to hurl. The eyes seemed unnaturally large, staring out of the thin face, and they'd widened even more in amazement. Eleanor pinched herself roughly, but nothing happened, besides the pale thin nose wrinkling slightly at the pain. Eleanor leaned forward, tapping the glass to make sure it was real, and that was when she noticed them: freckles. Pale, and few, but they were there scattered across what was now her nose.
"Aaarrgh!" She screamed. There was a smart rapping on the door.
"Alright dear?" The nurse's concerned voice called through.
"Fine, I'm fine!" Eleanor croaked, and now she noticed the voice wasn't hers, but a low tenor and that fact almost made her yell again. For a minute she was tempted to call the nurse in and tell her the truth: this was not her body.
"Yeah, sure Eleanor," she muttered. "Call the nice lady in and tell her there is something down there that was never there before and should never be there, and that your eyes are too light, and you look like you're wearing a peroxided wig, and there are freckles on a nose that is too thin, and too pointy and," she glanced down, "your legs badly need a shaving."
But she doubted the nurse would believe her, and she certainly didn't want to end up in some mental institution. No, she'd have to figure this out herself. After she peed.
Eleanor swallowed, glancing down at the toilet. She didn't want to have to do this, but it appeared she had no choice: if she didn't, her bladder was likely to explode. Slowly, holding her breath, she reached beneath the gown.
'Peeing standing up is highly overrated,' Eleanor thought darkly.
~
"You are the stupidest man, no BOY, I have ever, EVER had the misfortune of meeting. I can't believe you. I just…I can't believe you." Darry slumped down on the metal bench, completely spent. He'd been ranting for the past hour and all he'd got was a maddeningly casual: "Sorry dude." Two-Bit was lying on the bench across their jail cell, with a look of vague indifference on his face.
"Man, social service is gonna KILL me for this one," Darry complained. "Me and Soda and Pony might get split up! Didja think of that? Huh? Didja?" Two- Bit, however was tugging at a loose thread in his jeans and wasn't listening.
"Darrel," he yawned, "when d'you think they'll feed us?"
"I…don't know." Darry sighed, reaching up to message his temples. It was no use arguing with the guy; he was just too damn easygoing.
Two-Bit looked up at his friend and felt a fleeting stab of guilt. "Look man, you've never been in jail. They'll let you off easy most like." Darry said nothing, and his eyes stayed closed. Sighing loudly, Two-Bit rolled off his metal couch and clomped to the wall of steel bars. Grasping two firmly in his hands he shook them violently and wailed, "Let us o-o-out!"
Darry jerked up and stared. "What – what are you doing?"
Two-Bit let go of the bars and gave Darry a pleading look. "Come on, I'm trying! Forgive me?"
Darry gave him a look then dropped his head in his hands.
Two-Bit glanced back at his friend. His wit having failed him, he sucked it up and prepared to apologise. "Look man, I'm sorry. I just didn't think." Two-Bit scuffed the bottom of his shoe over the dirty floor. "I'm sorry," he repeated, to no avail. He leaned back heavily on the wall, giving himself up to the idea of cold silence for awhile.
Darry glanced through his fingers up at Two-Bit. "I wouldn't touch that wall if I was you. Smells like piss," he muttered.
Two-Bit looked up quickly, but Darry had already gone back to messaging his temples. "At least Dally's alive," he said suddenly. Darry smiled into his palms. The fact astounded him. Dallas should be dead, like he'd been when they'd walked in that room (or rather, ran into that room). Darry shuddered, remembering the lifeless way he'd been lying on the bed.
"I mean, it's an improvement on his previous condition. I've been losing my ability to swear lately, and I miss not having someone to punch me in the mouth when I said something smart," Two-Bit continued hopefully.
Darry grunted. "I'd do it for ya."
"I know you would," Two-Bit said softly. And then, suddenly sick of the argument, he threw himself forward, and crawled on his knees to his astonished friend.
"Please, please forgive me!" he begged. "I'll kiss the floor – and that's saying something in jail."
Darry couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, okay. I forgive you."
"Hug?" Two-Bit was pushing it, but Darry rolled his eyes and gripped the other in a short hug. His hand clamped down on something sticky, and sure enough, it returned with strings of a dry pink rubbery substance leading from it to Two-Bit's back. Darry stared at it and then at the stale, dried gum covering the wall from years past. Hygiene was obviously not a concern of most jailbirds.
"Eh…" Two-Bit grimaced at the gum trailing off his friend's hand. "Uh," he pulled the checkered shirt off quickly, "here, YOU can HAVE it." Darry made a face, untangling the gum from his hand.
"Nah, take it back, I don't think I could stand seeing you in an undershirt for more than 5 seconds."
Two-Bit shrugged, and pulled his undershirt off, tossing the sweaty garment at Darry. "Ok, take it all," he replied. Then he unzipped his jeans. "Want these too…?"
"NO!" Darry pushed the clothing away from him. "Jeez don't you have any modesty?"
"Nope!" Two-Bit replied proudly. "I let it all, you know, hang out…"
"Enough!" Darry held up his hand.
"Darrel Curtis?" Both boys looked up. An apprehensive policeman was looking from one to the other.
"Uh, that'd be me," Darry said quickly.
"Ah, well. You're to come with me then." The guard, looking relieved, lead Darry away, leaving Two-Bit alone with his gummy shirt.
Two-Bit sighed, then said loudly, "Just when our relationship was getting somewhere." Then he smiled, and leaned back, letting the echoes of Darry's mortified swearing lull him into a peaceful sleep.
A/N: My chapters always seem to end with someone falling asleep. (Random fact.)
A/N: I guess this is going to be mainly an attempted humour fic, seeing as the plot seems secondary to the gags. Sorry, the jokes are a bit, er, STALE. HAHAHAHA. You'll get it when the gum bit comes up. And chances are you won't laugh. Sigh. This chapter isn't so good, minus the beginning if I do say so myself.
P.S. Dally will come in soon. Somewhere…
P.P.S. Oh my god oh my god, I'm obsessed with Two-Bit as well as Dallas! That accounts for the many Matthews shenanigans. Whatever, here it is (finally right? I need to stop the A/Ns I really do):
~
The first thing Eleanor felt when she awoke, was the violent urge to pee. There was light now, coming from a window shining across the bedspread in a flood of golden warmth.
The door opened and a nurse walked in, her curled brown hair pinned up under a white hat.
"Hello, you're awake," she said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"
"I gotta go to the bathroom," Eleanor blurted out, before she could stop herself. The nurse laughed and reached a hand toward Eleanor.
"Sure thing honey, that's what the others said. Not that there were many. But there were a few, and those ones always said they needed a bathroom straightaway. You've been out for awhile after all. Lemme help you up here." The nurse helped Eleanor from the bed, shuffling her IV to the side. Eleanor stood, and on wobbly legs, made her way to the bathroom, not 5 feet away.
"Here you are, I'll leave you alone from here. Holler if you need help." The nurse winked then shut the door, leaving Eleanor to do her business in private. The girl watched the nurse leave, wondering what on earth the lady was talking about. But, the strain on her bladder was too much, and, shrugging off the nurse's comments, she flipped up the spotted hospital gown…and got the shock of her 16-year-old life.
Jerking her hands away, Eleanor looked up in horror, then spied herself in the bathroom mirror. Only it wasn't herself. Instead of her dusky brown complexion, and close-cropped black hair, she was staring at a shocked pale face, with eyes the colour of jeans, and the lightest hair she'd ever seen, almost down to her shoulders.
Eleanor snapped her eyes shut. 'Oh my Lord,' she thought frantically. This had to be some bizarre sort of dream. Slowly, she peeked up through her eyelashes, pale brown short eyelashes instead of her thick, curly, black ones. The face was still there, still pale and terrorised and so male she was tempted to hurl. The eyes seemed unnaturally large, staring out of the thin face, and they'd widened even more in amazement. Eleanor pinched herself roughly, but nothing happened, besides the pale thin nose wrinkling slightly at the pain. Eleanor leaned forward, tapping the glass to make sure it was real, and that was when she noticed them: freckles. Pale, and few, but they were there scattered across what was now her nose.
"Aaarrgh!" She screamed. There was a smart rapping on the door.
"Alright dear?" The nurse's concerned voice called through.
"Fine, I'm fine!" Eleanor croaked, and now she noticed the voice wasn't hers, but a low tenor and that fact almost made her yell again. For a minute she was tempted to call the nurse in and tell her the truth: this was not her body.
"Yeah, sure Eleanor," she muttered. "Call the nice lady in and tell her there is something down there that was never there before and should never be there, and that your eyes are too light, and you look like you're wearing a peroxided wig, and there are freckles on a nose that is too thin, and too pointy and," she glanced down, "your legs badly need a shaving."
But she doubted the nurse would believe her, and she certainly didn't want to end up in some mental institution. No, she'd have to figure this out herself. After she peed.
Eleanor swallowed, glancing down at the toilet. She didn't want to have to do this, but it appeared she had no choice: if she didn't, her bladder was likely to explode. Slowly, holding her breath, she reached beneath the gown.
'Peeing standing up is highly overrated,' Eleanor thought darkly.
~
"You are the stupidest man, no BOY, I have ever, EVER had the misfortune of meeting. I can't believe you. I just…I can't believe you." Darry slumped down on the metal bench, completely spent. He'd been ranting for the past hour and all he'd got was a maddeningly casual: "Sorry dude." Two-Bit was lying on the bench across their jail cell, with a look of vague indifference on his face.
"Man, social service is gonna KILL me for this one," Darry complained. "Me and Soda and Pony might get split up! Didja think of that? Huh? Didja?" Two- Bit, however was tugging at a loose thread in his jeans and wasn't listening.
"Darrel," he yawned, "when d'you think they'll feed us?"
"I…don't know." Darry sighed, reaching up to message his temples. It was no use arguing with the guy; he was just too damn easygoing.
Two-Bit looked up at his friend and felt a fleeting stab of guilt. "Look man, you've never been in jail. They'll let you off easy most like." Darry said nothing, and his eyes stayed closed. Sighing loudly, Two-Bit rolled off his metal couch and clomped to the wall of steel bars. Grasping two firmly in his hands he shook them violently and wailed, "Let us o-o-out!"
Darry jerked up and stared. "What – what are you doing?"
Two-Bit let go of the bars and gave Darry a pleading look. "Come on, I'm trying! Forgive me?"
Darry gave him a look then dropped his head in his hands.
Two-Bit glanced back at his friend. His wit having failed him, he sucked it up and prepared to apologise. "Look man, I'm sorry. I just didn't think." Two-Bit scuffed the bottom of his shoe over the dirty floor. "I'm sorry," he repeated, to no avail. He leaned back heavily on the wall, giving himself up to the idea of cold silence for awhile.
Darry glanced through his fingers up at Two-Bit. "I wouldn't touch that wall if I was you. Smells like piss," he muttered.
Two-Bit looked up quickly, but Darry had already gone back to messaging his temples. "At least Dally's alive," he said suddenly. Darry smiled into his palms. The fact astounded him. Dallas should be dead, like he'd been when they'd walked in that room (or rather, ran into that room). Darry shuddered, remembering the lifeless way he'd been lying on the bed.
"I mean, it's an improvement on his previous condition. I've been losing my ability to swear lately, and I miss not having someone to punch me in the mouth when I said something smart," Two-Bit continued hopefully.
Darry grunted. "I'd do it for ya."
"I know you would," Two-Bit said softly. And then, suddenly sick of the argument, he threw himself forward, and crawled on his knees to his astonished friend.
"Please, please forgive me!" he begged. "I'll kiss the floor – and that's saying something in jail."
Darry couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, okay. I forgive you."
"Hug?" Two-Bit was pushing it, but Darry rolled his eyes and gripped the other in a short hug. His hand clamped down on something sticky, and sure enough, it returned with strings of a dry pink rubbery substance leading from it to Two-Bit's back. Darry stared at it and then at the stale, dried gum covering the wall from years past. Hygiene was obviously not a concern of most jailbirds.
"Eh…" Two-Bit grimaced at the gum trailing off his friend's hand. "Uh," he pulled the checkered shirt off quickly, "here, YOU can HAVE it." Darry made a face, untangling the gum from his hand.
"Nah, take it back, I don't think I could stand seeing you in an undershirt for more than 5 seconds."
Two-Bit shrugged, and pulled his undershirt off, tossing the sweaty garment at Darry. "Ok, take it all," he replied. Then he unzipped his jeans. "Want these too…?"
"NO!" Darry pushed the clothing away from him. "Jeez don't you have any modesty?"
"Nope!" Two-Bit replied proudly. "I let it all, you know, hang out…"
"Enough!" Darry held up his hand.
"Darrel Curtis?" Both boys looked up. An apprehensive policeman was looking from one to the other.
"Uh, that'd be me," Darry said quickly.
"Ah, well. You're to come with me then." The guard, looking relieved, lead Darry away, leaving Two-Bit alone with his gummy shirt.
Two-Bit sighed, then said loudly, "Just when our relationship was getting somewhere." Then he smiled, and leaned back, letting the echoes of Darry's mortified swearing lull him into a peaceful sleep.
A/N: My chapters always seem to end with someone falling asleep. (Random fact.)