What I Wanted
(I own nothing everything belongs to Joss and UPN)
Author: Jenn
Email: slaygurl2002@yahoo.com
Spoilers: Not sure if it is a spoiler but it is set in this season!
Summary: Spike tells Buffy what he really wanted when he went to Africa. Very short.
Rating: PG-13
I gazed around the basement that I had called my home for the past several months. It was dark and dirty and shadows seemed to creep up on me all the time. The voices became fewer and fewer which made me feel a little better, but there still was that hunger I craved for. Every corner I took there was a dead rat. I even found a cat one-day and had myself a tasty meal. Don't get me wrong I love cats its just when your hungry you will devour anything.
In the distance I can hear the soft click of heels. I knew who it was. I can sense her thousands of miles away. I quickly turned a corner to I could somehow avoid seeing her. Looking at her made my insides twist and turn. To look into those beautiful green eyes make me feel guilty and angry for it was her who did this to me.
I sensed her getting closer and turned a corner and saw a big box I can hide behind. I stood still as she walked by me slowly. I could sense that she was nervous, her heart was pounding, and her eyes were moist. Has she been crying? She stopped walking and stood still in her tracks.
" Spike." She whispered softly.
I wondered if she sensed me maybe, maybe not. All I knew was I was not going to talk to her today because if I did.
" God this is all my fault, I did this to you didn't I." She was now crying openly.
" Sometimes I wonder why things happen," I said as I came out from the shadows. " Why are things the way they are."
She looked up at me with moist eyes and shock.
" What do you mean?"
I turned my gaze from her knowing what I am going to say next will change many things but I will never stop loving her.
" You don't get it do you Buffy?" I looked at her now. She was so beautiful but I needed her to hear what I need to say. " When I went to Africa I told the demon I wanted to give you what you deserved. I just never thought what you deserved was my soul." I stopped to look at her.
" I don't understand." She looked at me with a confused expression.
" Of course you don't understand. You never will understand."
" Please try to make me understand." Her eyes will now overflowing with tears.
" Do you really want to understand." I looked at her angrily.
" What I wanted to give you was what we had before. Before this things happened between you and me. I wanted. I wanted things to be like they were when we weren't together. My demon self wanted to kill you again. What I bloody wanted Buffy was this chip out of my bloody head! To be my demon self again to be strong and not weak in your embrace." I stopped to catch my, well if I had breath and gazed at Buffy who seemed to have fear mixed up with confusion and guilt all piled up in one.
I continued.
" Do you understand now? I guess the demon misinterpreted what I said. When I said I want to give you what you bloody well deserved he must have decided what he believed you did really deserve. That Buffy was someone with a soul someone who could feel and return your love back."
I looked at her now in a new light. Yes I still bleeding love her and I always will but things will be different what would happen I don't know.
" And Buffy I never wanted my soul back. Not in a million years." With this I turned a corner to only hear her chasing me.
" Spike! I'm sorry!" Her voice was choked up.
" Its not enough anymore Buffy." *** The End.
(I own nothing everything belongs to Joss and UPN)
Author: Jenn
Email: slaygurl2002@yahoo.com
Spoilers: Not sure if it is a spoiler but it is set in this season!
Summary: Spike tells Buffy what he really wanted when he went to Africa. Very short.
Rating: PG-13
I gazed around the basement that I had called my home for the past several months. It was dark and dirty and shadows seemed to creep up on me all the time. The voices became fewer and fewer which made me feel a little better, but there still was that hunger I craved for. Every corner I took there was a dead rat. I even found a cat one-day and had myself a tasty meal. Don't get me wrong I love cats its just when your hungry you will devour anything.
In the distance I can hear the soft click of heels. I knew who it was. I can sense her thousands of miles away. I quickly turned a corner to I could somehow avoid seeing her. Looking at her made my insides twist and turn. To look into those beautiful green eyes make me feel guilty and angry for it was her who did this to me.
I sensed her getting closer and turned a corner and saw a big box I can hide behind. I stood still as she walked by me slowly. I could sense that she was nervous, her heart was pounding, and her eyes were moist. Has she been crying? She stopped walking and stood still in her tracks.
" Spike." She whispered softly.
I wondered if she sensed me maybe, maybe not. All I knew was I was not going to talk to her today because if I did.
" God this is all my fault, I did this to you didn't I." She was now crying openly.
" Sometimes I wonder why things happen," I said as I came out from the shadows. " Why are things the way they are."
She looked up at me with moist eyes and shock.
" What do you mean?"
I turned my gaze from her knowing what I am going to say next will change many things but I will never stop loving her.
" You don't get it do you Buffy?" I looked at her now. She was so beautiful but I needed her to hear what I need to say. " When I went to Africa I told the demon I wanted to give you what you deserved. I just never thought what you deserved was my soul." I stopped to look at her.
" I don't understand." She looked at me with a confused expression.
" Of course you don't understand. You never will understand."
" Please try to make me understand." Her eyes will now overflowing with tears.
" Do you really want to understand." I looked at her angrily.
" What I wanted to give you was what we had before. Before this things happened between you and me. I wanted. I wanted things to be like they were when we weren't together. My demon self wanted to kill you again. What I bloody wanted Buffy was this chip out of my bloody head! To be my demon self again to be strong and not weak in your embrace." I stopped to catch my, well if I had breath and gazed at Buffy who seemed to have fear mixed up with confusion and guilt all piled up in one.
I continued.
" Do you understand now? I guess the demon misinterpreted what I said. When I said I want to give you what you bloody well deserved he must have decided what he believed you did really deserve. That Buffy was someone with a soul someone who could feel and return your love back."
I looked at her now in a new light. Yes I still bleeding love her and I always will but things will be different what would happen I don't know.
" And Buffy I never wanted my soul back. Not in a million years." With this I turned a corner to only hear her chasing me.
" Spike! I'm sorry!" Her voice was choked up.
" Its not enough anymore Buffy." *** The End.