Chapter 2: Get your Umbrella!
(It's the next morning. Cloud and Aeris are sitting at the table opposite each other. Red is asleep on the floor.)
Cloud: God! I can't stand him! He just sickens me!
Aeris: Cloud! He's not half bad, you know. What'd he ever do to you?
Cloud: (enraged) What'd he do to me? WHAT DID HE DO TO ME?! (calms down) Well, I'll tell you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ (Cloud enters the Honey Bee Inn.)
Hostess Bee: Poo, I..uh..mean sir...Hurry and choose a room.
Cloud: Um...(walks up to the Group Room) I'll take this one.
HB: Okay...Here's the key...
Cloud: (grabs the key and walks into the room) Hmmm...Ooo, my own jacuzzi...
Mukki: (whistles at Cloud) Boys, it looks like Daddy's found himself a new playmate!!!
Cloud: (prays) Lord, I'm too young to be somebody's b*tch. Please SAVE ME!!!
Mukki: (pinches Cloud's butt) I just LOOOOOVE a church boy! Heehee! Hey, Bubby, join us for a dip, won't you?
Cloud: NOOOO!(Mukki drags Cloud in)
Mukki: So, Bubby, you wanna join us in the cabins? (winks at his buds)
Cloud: That sounds...um kinda like it's not my thing...
Mukki: Oh, you're such a silly willy, Bubby. The hot water's probably clouding your mind! Count to ten!
Cloud: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!(gets out and runs)
Mukki: (shouting) Come back! Daddy's so lonely...lonely..lonely..lonely...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cloud: ....lonely...lonely...lonely..lone---
Aeris: (slaps Cloud) All right...and?
Cloud: (pulls out the bikini briefs) He gave me UNDERWEAR!!!!
Aeris: (grabs the underwear and stuffs it away, looking horny) We'll save those for later. But please try your best to accept Mukki for who he is, m'kay?
(Barret walks into the kitchen and roots through the fridge and finds the milk, all while Cloud and Aeris start kissing. Barret begins to drink from the carton.)
Cloud: Okay...I guess he isn't THAT bad...
(A drum starts playing and Mukki, wrapped in a towel, comes out.)
Mukki: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four!
("It's Raining Men" starts playing.)
Mukki: (drops his towel to reveal his naked flesh) It's a- rainin' men! Amen! (Turns around to show his 'Tina Turner and Mr. Bojangles and their friend Willy to everybody. He jumps up and down.)
Barret: (Milk spills from his mouth and the carton falls to the ground.) OH! MY VIRGIN EYES HAVE BEEN SOILED!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! OH, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!
Red: (Wakes up and moans. Puts paws on eyes.)
Tifa: (walks into the room) Hi g----Oh Lord! Why have I been blessed with the sight before me? (bows)
(Cid bursts through the door.)
Cid: (swings in) Hi g---Bye guys(swings out)
Sephiroth: (walks in, looking confused) Um, hey guys, my butt feels soggy. (sees Mukki and joins him) What's a bean? ______________________________________________________________ _____________________
Later...
(Cloud and Aeris are, again, sitting at the table.)
Cloud: (cringing) GOD! OH GOD!
Aeris: Oh, it wasn't THAT bad!! In fact, I thought the choreography was pretty good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mukki: It's a-rainin' men!! Yeah baby!
Aeris: OH DEAR LORD!!! !@#$%$!#@#@#@#$$#%%$##%%##!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aeris: (shrugs) I took it pretty well...
Cloud: (shudders) But did he have to do an encore?!? Plus, I have a mind like a friggin' steel trap! (makes retching noises)
Aeris: Well....At least you're not Barret, or have to deal with him...
Barret: (walks in the room, sits on the couch and rocks back and forth) R...r..rain...everywhere!!!! Brrrr...s-so cold..
Aeris: (comforts Barret) It's okay, Bear. The music stopped. (rolls eyes)
Barret: (shivering) W-wet, c-c- cold........NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa:(walks into the room, humming "It's Raining Men") Hey Barret! It's a-rainin' men! Amen! Heehee!
Barret: (running outside, his hands in the air) THE CHILDREN, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! (runs down the street screaming)
Sephiroth: Do ya think he needs some Beano?
Aeris: Where'd you come from?
Sephiroth: (scratches head) Um......
Aeris, Cloud, Tifa: GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!!! (Tifa is a beat behind)
Sephiroth: WAHHHHHH!!!! WHOA!!!
Tifa: (hums a catchy love tune) La la la la la! Life is beautiful! Tra la la la la!!! Hmmm...
Aeris:(looks annoyed, considering she's supposed to be the goody two shoes) What's up with her?
Cloud: (winks at Aeris) You make me hot when you're jealous!!
Aeris: (shoves Cloud playfully) Really?
Cloud: (nods) Uh-huh!!!
Aeris: Let's do it!!! ( jumps on Cloud)
Cloud: Oh yeah! ______________________________________________________________ ____________________
(With Sephiroth and Jenova...)
Sephiroth: (sitting on a toy train naked) WAHOO! (jumps off) Heehee(relieves himself on the carpet and screams at the poop) Go, speed racer, go!!!!
Jenova: (walks into the room) Sephy, what're ya doing?
Sephiroth: (jumps in front of the poo) We didn't see nothin'!
Jenova: (gives him 'The Look') Sephy...
Sephiroth: (steps out of the way sullenly) P-p-peanut Butter...*sniff*
Jenova: (picks up the poop and sighs) Sephi Nancy Roth! Remember what happened last time?
Sephiroth: (nods slowly) The diapers flew and the hampsters committed suicide...
Jenova: And when were you intending to clean up that mess? (looks around his messy room)
Sephiroth: Rooster Independence Day...
Jenova: Well, it's time for my scraping anyway.
Sephiroth: But Ma, the cheese stands alone!!!
Jenova: I know, but the crust isn't gonna scrape itself!!!
Sephiroth: Buttons?
______________________________________________________________ _______________
Barret: So, um..R-red. That Reagan sure was something, eh?
Red: Arf ruff arfity bark...
Barret: No you are!
Red: YOU SELF-CENTERED, POLITICALLY OBSESSED OVERGROWN BABY! SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR FRIGGIN' LIFE!
Barret: YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LION'S B*STARD SON!
Cloud: (walks into the room to find the 2 pals ignoring each other) Oh great...
Aeris: (sitting on the couch) I can't take it anymore! She's taking my sparkle!
Tifa: (dances into the room) La la la!!!
Aeris: I'm gonna smoke her marijuana...
Yuffie: (comes into the room civilly) Hey Cloud.
Cloud: Hey, Yuff- What?! AHHHH!!!
Mukki: (walks into the room) Hi guys!!
All(but Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie): (continue fighting)
Mukki: Well, SOME of are a little rude today!! (sits down and paints nails bright pink)
Sephiroth: (bursts through the door) I like cheese! (runs out)
Cloud: (clenches fist) Something has to be done!!!
(It's the next morning. Cloud and Aeris are sitting at the table opposite each other. Red is asleep on the floor.)
Cloud: God! I can't stand him! He just sickens me!
Aeris: Cloud! He's not half bad, you know. What'd he ever do to you?
Cloud: (enraged) What'd he do to me? WHAT DID HE DO TO ME?! (calms down) Well, I'll tell you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ (Cloud enters the Honey Bee Inn.)
Hostess Bee: Poo, I..uh..mean sir...Hurry and choose a room.
Cloud: Um...(walks up to the Group Room) I'll take this one.
HB: Okay...Here's the key...
Cloud: (grabs the key and walks into the room) Hmmm...Ooo, my own jacuzzi...
Mukki: (whistles at Cloud) Boys, it looks like Daddy's found himself a new playmate!!!
Cloud: (prays) Lord, I'm too young to be somebody's b*tch. Please SAVE ME!!!
Mukki: (pinches Cloud's butt) I just LOOOOOVE a church boy! Heehee! Hey, Bubby, join us for a dip, won't you?
Cloud: NOOOO!(Mukki drags Cloud in)
Mukki: So, Bubby, you wanna join us in the cabins? (winks at his buds)
Cloud: That sounds...um kinda like it's not my thing...
Mukki: Oh, you're such a silly willy, Bubby. The hot water's probably clouding your mind! Count to ten!
Cloud: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!(gets out and runs)
Mukki: (shouting) Come back! Daddy's so lonely...lonely..lonely..lonely...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cloud: ....lonely...lonely...lonely..lone---
Aeris: (slaps Cloud) All right...and?
Cloud: (pulls out the bikini briefs) He gave me UNDERWEAR!!!!
Aeris: (grabs the underwear and stuffs it away, looking horny) We'll save those for later. But please try your best to accept Mukki for who he is, m'kay?
(Barret walks into the kitchen and roots through the fridge and finds the milk, all while Cloud and Aeris start kissing. Barret begins to drink from the carton.)
Cloud: Okay...I guess he isn't THAT bad...
(A drum starts playing and Mukki, wrapped in a towel, comes out.)
Mukki: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four!
("It's Raining Men" starts playing.)
Mukki: (drops his towel to reveal his naked flesh) It's a- rainin' men! Amen! (Turns around to show his 'Tina Turner and Mr. Bojangles and their friend Willy to everybody. He jumps up and down.)
Barret: (Milk spills from his mouth and the carton falls to the ground.) OH! MY VIRGIN EYES HAVE BEEN SOILED!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! OH, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!
Red: (Wakes up and moans. Puts paws on eyes.)
Tifa: (walks into the room) Hi g----Oh Lord! Why have I been blessed with the sight before me? (bows)
(Cid bursts through the door.)
Cid: (swings in) Hi g---Bye guys(swings out)
Sephiroth: (walks in, looking confused) Um, hey guys, my butt feels soggy. (sees Mukki and joins him) What's a bean? ______________________________________________________________ _____________________
Later...
(Cloud and Aeris are, again, sitting at the table.)
Cloud: (cringing) GOD! OH GOD!
Aeris: Oh, it wasn't THAT bad!! In fact, I thought the choreography was pretty good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mukki: It's a-rainin' men!! Yeah baby!
Aeris: OH DEAR LORD!!! !@#$%$!#@#@#@#$$#%%$##%%##!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aeris: (shrugs) I took it pretty well...
Cloud: (shudders) But did he have to do an encore?!? Plus, I have a mind like a friggin' steel trap! (makes retching noises)
Aeris: Well....At least you're not Barret, or have to deal with him...
Barret: (walks in the room, sits on the couch and rocks back and forth) R...r..rain...everywhere!!!! Brrrr...s-so cold..
Aeris: (comforts Barret) It's okay, Bear. The music stopped. (rolls eyes)
Barret: (shivering) W-wet, c-c- cold........NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa:(walks into the room, humming "It's Raining Men") Hey Barret! It's a-rainin' men! Amen! Heehee!
Barret: (running outside, his hands in the air) THE CHILDREN, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! (runs down the street screaming)
Sephiroth: Do ya think he needs some Beano?
Aeris: Where'd you come from?
Sephiroth: (scratches head) Um......
Aeris, Cloud, Tifa: GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!!! (Tifa is a beat behind)
Sephiroth: WAHHHHHH!!!! WHOA!!!
Tifa: (hums a catchy love tune) La la la la la! Life is beautiful! Tra la la la la!!! Hmmm...
Aeris:(looks annoyed, considering she's supposed to be the goody two shoes) What's up with her?
Cloud: (winks at Aeris) You make me hot when you're jealous!!
Aeris: (shoves Cloud playfully) Really?
Cloud: (nods) Uh-huh!!!
Aeris: Let's do it!!! ( jumps on Cloud)
Cloud: Oh yeah! ______________________________________________________________ ____________________
(With Sephiroth and Jenova...)
Sephiroth: (sitting on a toy train naked) WAHOO! (jumps off) Heehee(relieves himself on the carpet and screams at the poop) Go, speed racer, go!!!!
Jenova: (walks into the room) Sephy, what're ya doing?
Sephiroth: (jumps in front of the poo) We didn't see nothin'!
Jenova: (gives him 'The Look') Sephy...
Sephiroth: (steps out of the way sullenly) P-p-peanut Butter...*sniff*
Jenova: (picks up the poop and sighs) Sephi Nancy Roth! Remember what happened last time?
Sephiroth: (nods slowly) The diapers flew and the hampsters committed suicide...
Jenova: And when were you intending to clean up that mess? (looks around his messy room)
Sephiroth: Rooster Independence Day...
Jenova: Well, it's time for my scraping anyway.
Sephiroth: But Ma, the cheese stands alone!!!
Jenova: I know, but the crust isn't gonna scrape itself!!!
Sephiroth: Buttons?
______________________________________________________________ _______________
Barret: So, um..R-red. That Reagan sure was something, eh?
Red: Arf ruff arfity bark...
Barret: No you are!
Red: YOU SELF-CENTERED, POLITICALLY OBSESSED OVERGROWN BABY! SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR FRIGGIN' LIFE!
Barret: YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LION'S B*STARD SON!
Cloud: (walks into the room to find the 2 pals ignoring each other) Oh great...
Aeris: (sitting on the couch) I can't take it anymore! She's taking my sparkle!
Tifa: (dances into the room) La la la!!!
Aeris: I'm gonna smoke her marijuana...
Yuffie: (comes into the room civilly) Hey Cloud.
Cloud: Hey, Yuff- What?! AHHHH!!!
Mukki: (walks into the room) Hi guys!!
All(but Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie): (continue fighting)
Mukki: Well, SOME of are a little rude today!! (sits down and paints nails bright pink)
Sephiroth: (bursts through the door) I like cheese! (runs out)
Cloud: (clenches fist) Something has to be done!!!