If there was one thing that Conner McDermott liked, it was control. He
liked to be in control of things. Because as soon as you lost control,
things fell apart and people began to lean on you.
By going to the beach and sitting with Elizabeth he had lost control.
By going back he was giving her a sign that he
still...cared...about...her.
And Elizabeth would follow him around expecting that they become a
couple and then Monique would kill him.
Conner ran his hands though his hair. He hated being confused.
But he couldn't get Elizabeth out of his head. Some of the happiest
moments of his life were with Elizabeth. They had shared so much until he
had left. But what if things weren't the same between them anymore? Two
years was a long time and they had both grown and changed. What if he
blew his chance with Monique for nothing?
He looked over at Megan, whom he was visiting. Sometimes he envied her.
She didn't have any dies to people or responsibilities. But she also
didn't have much of a life.
Conner leaned over and looked at her intently. "What should I do, huh,
Sandy?" he said softly.
She stared at him blankly not meeting his eye.
He reached out slowly to take her hand. Megan didn't like to be touched
but Conner laced his fingers with her and she didn't pull back. Conner
smiled up at her.
"I love you Sandy. I wish you would come back. I really need you know.
I know you can get better."
She clutched his hand harder. Conner stared at her in. The last time
she had acknowledged anybody was when she had said his name a long time
ago.
"I love you," he said softly. Believe."
Sandy looked at him and then said. "Thank You." Then her eyes glazed
over and Conner knew that she was gone again.

Conner and Monique sat together quietly eating.
"This is good Mon," he said putting a forkful of chicken into his
mouth.
"Thanks," she beamed. "It's a new recipe."
Conner nodded and then lapsed into silence. "Mon, there's something I
want to talk to you about."
"What? Are you okay?" she asked concerned.
"Yeah," Conner assured her. "I'm fine. I just want to know, where do
you think this is going? Our relationship?"
"What?" she asked confused.
"You know," Conner trailed off. Sure he liked Monique but he couldn't
picture himself with her ten or twenty years from now.
"We're happy," she said slowly. "And I think there is definite progress
being made in the foreword direction."
Conner sighed. "I like you a lot Mon and I don't want to hurt you
later."
Her face got pink. "Are you...are you breaking up with me?"
Conner couldn't look at her. He finally realized that breaking up was
the right thing to do for both of them. "I think it would be best for
us," he said lamely.
"How do you know what's best for me?" she sobbed. "What's best for me
is being with you!"
"You might think that now, but how about in the future."
"I don't care about the stupid future!" she wailed.
"You will," he said looking at her. "I care about you but I don't think
we're right for each other."
"And she is?" Monique glared at him. "Elizabeth. That's what's this is
about!"
"Well, in a way," Conner admitted. "I still have feelings for her. But
it's also about us."
"But we were happy," she insisted.
Conner sighed. This was harder than he thought. What would he have to
do to get her to understand? Give her a one way ticket to Maine?
"I thought we were going to get married," she added.
"What made you think that?" Conner asked shocked.
"We've been going out for a while," she pointed out. "And we both have
good jobs and you have this nice house..."
"Back up," Conner said raising his hands. "I really like you but I'm
not sure I'm ready for that. And not with you."
Monique looked crestfallen. She pushed her chair back. "I thought that
you would never hurt me," she said softly and walked out of the house.
Conner sat slumped in his chair. He had hurt her. And he wasn't feeling
so terrific himself. But he had done the right thing, hadn't he?
And who knew that Elizabeth would take him back? He had hurt her pretty
bad as well. he would have to do something to show that he cared.
Conner suddenly had an idea. He grabbed his portable phone from the
counter and pressed the speed dial.
"Hey, is that you McDermott?" his agent Tim Walker asked. "I was just
gonna call you."
"What for?" Conner said interested and forgetting for a moment why he
had called.
"You've been nominated for two Grammy's!"
"What?" Conner said shocked. "You're joking, right?"
"This is for real," Tim insisted. "You're up for best new artist and
song of the year for 'Torn Apart'. Congratulations."
"Wow," Conner said. "That's great...I mean...wow."
Tim laughed. "They also wanted you to present, but I told them that's
not really you're style."
"Thanks," Conner said gratefully. I just can't picture myself saying
sappy lines like 'the winner is...' and shedding fake tears for some guys
I don't even know or like."
"Yeah, I know," Tim said with laughter in his voice. "They did invite
you to perform though-"
"No," Conner cut him off. "You know that I don't really enjoy
performing in public."
"But it's an honor," Tim insisted. "And you never perform live."
"Yes I did," Conner argued. "I did a song for the benefit concert."
"And you should do a few talk shows," Tim went on.
"That's why I called."
"What?" Tim said shocked. "I never thought you would agree to."
"I want to do leno. He's invited me, right?"
"Yeah," Tim said. "Just last week. You can be on on Friday."
"Good, the sooner the better. And I'll sing a song too."
"Great!" Tim said enthusiastically. "'Torn Apart'? 'Old Jimi Hendrix'?"
"A new one," Conner said. "Actually a new old one."
"Huh?"
"Never mind," Conner sighed. "Just get me on the show."
He hung up the phone. He needed to get her back. And Jay leno was the
way to do it.