Revenge of the Hufflepuffs
Chapter 7: Tea with Mussolini and cookies with Leo
The Hufflepuff's transformation from sniveling tattle-tales who jumped in the gene pool while the life guard was away into bad ass 'puffies' did not go unnoticed.
For the first time in history the students of Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, and yes, even Slytherin were aspiring to behave more like the Hufflepuffs. Times were changing fast, and not for the better. Professor Dumbledore, while thrilled that Hufflepuff House was finally receiving the attention it deserved, was also disturbed by the rising amount of graffiti in the halls. Everyday, without fail, Argus Filch would stumble into the Headmaster's office, interrupting Professor Dumbledore's personal correspondence. He would curse and shout in a drunken rage, a bottle of Captain Muldoon's Scotch Whiskey clutched in his hand—all because he had wasted three hours of his meaningless life removing "PUFFIES R HUFFING" or "SHITHEAD SLYTHERINS" from the wall of the fourth floor corridor. Dumbledore knew exactly who was to blame. Leonardo DeLacy.
"Bloody little anarchist." he muttered.
Leo was, for once, on good behavior. He had retired to his room and considering sneaking down to the kitchens for some food. His fantasy of snack food was interrupted by an owl that didn't quite grasp the concept of flight and collided with Leo's head.
"What the bloody hell?" Leo muttered, rubbing the rising lump on his skull. He snatched up the letter the ill-fated bird had delivered
The owl lay almost perfectly still. Leo presumed he had killed the little bugger.
"Gives new meaning to 'don't kill the messenger.'"
The owl regained consciousness and it blinked several times. Giving a feeble 'hoot' it managed to fly off.
The letter read:
Mr. DeLacy,
It has come to my attention that some of your fellow Housemates are bent on raising hell through their own Hufflepuff Revolution. This rebellion was instigated by you and I wish to discuss the matter with you privately after breakfast tomorrow.
Professor Dumbledore
*****
The next morning…
"Shit, Leo! What the hell did you do this time?" Sydney Carton asked as Leo briefed him and the rest of his friends of the way to the Great Hall.
"That's just the thing. I didn't do anything to piss Dumbledore off." Leo retorted. Tuttle the badger (who despised his name more than 'Marty') trotted behind.
"Yeah, you just turned the whole school upside down just because some tart from the ninth century came took a peek of your goodies in the shower." said Thomas Wyatt sarcastically.
They found their customary seats, Tuttle on Leo's lap.
"Why do you have to bring that badger down here?", asked Jessica McFall as she reached for a piece of toast. "The last time you did I lost my Charms homework."
Leo was unusually quiet throughout the meal. When he saw Professor Dumbledore rise he sunk down low to avoid detection. Jessica and Thomas began to hum a funeral dirge. Sydney stood up and made the sign of the cross over Leo. When Leo rose from his seat to follow the Headmaster Sydney called out:
"I am the Resurrection and the Life, saith the Lord. Whoever believith in me shall have eternal life and he who believeith in me as though he were dead, so shall he live." Then he added "Man, you are so screwed!"
***
Professor Dumbledore's office
Dumbledore sat at his desk and motioned for Leo to take a seat.
"How are you today Leo?"
"Fine, sir."
"There is no need to call me 'sir'"
"What should I call you then?"
"What ever you like."
"Okay Whateveryoulike. That's kind of a long name."
"You don't have to call me that."
"I'm not calling you 'That'. How about Mussolini? It rhymes with tortellini."
Dumbledore had no idea why an eleven year old boy would address him as a fascist dictator of Italy or stuffed pasta, but paid no attention to such trivial matters. He conjured a cup of tea to help him relax.
"Leo, when you were Sorted, did you like being in Hufflepuff House?"
"No sir, Mr. Mussolini, sir. I loathed it with the burning passion of 10,000 suns, sir."
"What made you upset?"
Leo proceeded to tell him the story about the rooms and the mascot, house colors. Then he then listed things that were completely random and said that they up set him.
Hufflepuffs never get any ass
There aren't any vending machines
Jim Morrison is in Limbo
Butterflies are brainwashing the population of Tibet
Hugh Grant was sent to destroy the Earth
Rabbits don't make edible jellybeans
Faux fur coats are cruel
Golf courses are managed by hamster Ninjas
Goldfish can't hear
Needless to say, Professor Dumbledore found all of this highly disturbing.
"Thank you Leo. You may go now."
"Do you want a cookie Mussolini?" Leo asked, pulling a lint encrusted Girl Scout cookie out of his pocket.
"No…no, thank you."
"My momma always 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.'"
With that said, Leo was off.
Author's Note: I finally updated! Pigs fly and Hell has frozen over!
A few shout outs
Rachel (You know who you are. At least I hope you do.): I finally got you a present :::gives a big grin and thumbs up:: It's spandy-nice. I've got about fifty story ideas floating around in my sorry excuse for a brain but I have to finish this one! Only a few chapters left, I fear. I also fear the Oregon Trail story may never end! :::gasps dramatically:::
Cathykcool-:::gives a big cheesy grin::: I love your stories. Thanks for reading the Oregon Trail story.
OneGirlRevolution-:::gasps::: I'm on your favorites list? :::double gasp::: I'd like to thank the Academy, fanfiction.net, and all the authors who made this story so fun to write. You like me! You really like me!