Perchance to Dream
Heaven Don't Hear Me
Zero sighed thoughtfully, the grass of the Relaxation Room tickling his bare arms as he gazed upwards, his vision turned within himself. Today had not exactly been a normal day on GOA for the late-eighties Candidates; then again, did endless running on a giant hamster wheel really count as 'normal' for anyone else but the Candidates who resided on GOA? It was highly doubtful.
Still...
[Zero... sleeping inside you... is definitely the same "truth"...]
[That's why, Zero... you can show me the "answer"...]
What, exactly, had Clay meant by that? And why had he brought up those strange dreams? Did they really have something to do with the protecting Zion from the VICTIM, like Clay had most likely thought they did?
The chocolate-haired youth grimaced and rolled on to his side, nose scrunching up at the tickling sensation the grass caused. He snorted but didn't roll on to his back again, his muscles already relaxing into his new position.
*So what's this REALLY all about, hm? I can't help but get the feeling someone's staring at me when my back is turned practically wherever I go-- and, regardless of what he'd like us to think, that old guy can't be everywhere at once, though sometimes it REALLY feels like it. And I don't know who else would want to stare like they're dissecting me with their eyes, which is what it feels like they're trying to do.*
Another thought came to him.
*That coward Hiead's been real jumpy lately, too; wonder what THAT'S all about? Well, more jumpy than usual, I should say. I've never seen the guy anything but uptight. Still, I don't think he's ever initiated a fight with anything but words up till now; all of a sudden it seems like every time I turn around he's there, fire in his eyes and taunts on his lips, muscles fairly twitching for a brawl.*
He grimaced as he recalled the fight earlier that morning, which inevitably brought his thoughts around to the occurrence after the test they had all been put through, and tears sprang unbidden to his eyes.
*Clay... you're not gonna be there to stop me and him from fighting anymore. Without you to be my conscience around him, I think we just might be expelled for fighting, never mind the way people around here treat me as if anything I do wrong is worth ignoring as long as I become a Pilot.*
*And where, do you suppose, you'll end up now? You said your path was different from mine, that it looked like you'd never become a Pilot... where, then, are you off to? And will I ever see you again? The link we have as friends isn't like the one I have to Erts, where I can almost feel him, a tangible presence in the back of my mind. We two may go through the rest of our lives just missing each other, somehow never ending up in the same place at the same time... I don't want that to happen. Friends are too precious to take lightly, Mother says. I have no reason not to believe that.*
"There you are!" A light voice broke his deep musings, and he shifted and looked up, sea-deep gaze flying up the Repairer Candidate uniform before latching onto the familiar face of his caller. Kizna. "I've been looking all over for you, Zero! You shouldn't run off like that, you know. It could get you in trouble," her voice was affectionately chiding, and the smile on her face softened any impact her words might have done on Zero.
He grinned up at her, glad she hadn't mentioned anything in respect to the next session to cure his Zero-Gravity Sickness. Instead the pink-haired girl sighed when he didn't reply and settled down next to him, arms wrapped around herself as she pulled her knees against her chest, listening to the quiet of the room.
"I talked to Saki earlier," she said in a quiet voice after a moment, glancing at her partner to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep on her. "She's holding up, but I think maybe you should talk to her sometime. You and Clay were very good friends..."
"Are," he interrupted, shifting to look at her. There was a determination in his eyes she had seen many times before. "We'll see them all again, I'm sure of it! Clay... and Erts... and anyone else who might leave for awhile in the future, I'm sure we'll all meet again!"
She smiled a bit at that, shifting and lying down on the warm grass next to him, feeling the warmth of their bodies mingle. "Then I'm sure we will, too."
"... Zero?" Kizna asked after a time of quiet reverie, breaking the silence between them. "Do you think... we'll do it? That the Goddess' will finally defeat Victim one day? Maybe even with your help? And mine?"
Her only answer was his deep, even breathing, and a vague sense of déjà vu. She had a sneaking suspicion of what she would see when she glanced at him, and she was right. Her lazy, loud-mouthed partner had fallen asleep while they were talking. Again.
With a wry grin she snorted lightly and pillowed her head in her arms, staring up at the leaves of the overhanging tree branches. She found her eyes slipping closed as she lay there, but sleep eluded her for now. Instead, with the sound of Zero sleeping and the hum of the ship underneath and all around her, she began to sing, voice lending a melancholy tune to the air.
"Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces passing, I'm homebound. Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making my way, through the crowd. And I need you. And I miss you. And now I wonder... If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you... tonight..."
And so time passed, the time that was so precious to her, and Kizna drifted to sleep with the sound of her own voice fading in her ears.
-----
Zero awoke from a nightmare what must have been several hours later to find his whole world quaking beneath him. For one terrifying instant he thought the strangely human-shaped monster had followed him out of his dark dream, but then his mind cut in and patiently reminded him that it was most likely just another attack on Zion by Victim, and GOA was shaking because of the battle outside. Well. That certainly made much more sense than a nightmare-turned-real. He was glad he thought of it.
The space that Kizna had occupied next to him was empty, but he could still see the indentation in the grass where she had lain, and the spot was still a bit warm. So she couldn't have been gone too long; she probably jumped up when the first attack came, not even bothering to wake him. Zero let a sullen look grace his features for a moment before he pushed himself to his feet. If there was a battle against Victim going on outside-- and he had not doubt whatsoever that there was-- that meant that the Pilots were fighting.
That meant that Erts was fighting again...
He wondered sometimes if the golden, sunny boy had ever gotten over his aversion to battle, even though he somehow knew in his heart that he hadn't. There was, indeed, a special link between he and Erts, almost as if Zero could feel him in the back of his mind; what he was feeling, what he was thinking. It was quite extraordinary, and he enjoyed it, even though if it had been with anyone else he might have felt a bit uncomfortable with it. It made him feel... loved.
*Now... lessee... Best place to see the battle? Definitely the Observation Deck.*
He grinned and headed for the Deck, by now the way having been inscribed into his inner memory. Sometimes he liked to just sit in there and think, so he had had to figure out where it was at first... not to mention all the times he had floated, face a sickly green, past it's windows during Kizna's evil 'Curing Sessions'. He grimaced at the memories, but the expression was soon clouded out by a cheery grin. No need to worry himself sick over something that would undoubtedly make him sick later.
By now he had reached the door leading in to his destination. As the door slid open and he stepped through, however, he was surprise to catch sight of Hiead, standing quietly in the corner and staring up at the blackness visible around them, explosions of light visible in the near distance.
"What are you doing here?" the chocolate-haired boy blurted without thinking, then violently resisted the urge to clap a hand over his own mouth. With Hiead the way he was lately, Zero had most likely started a fight with those simple words.
Curiously enough, the silver-haired youth did nothing in retaliation but cast him a piercing, freezing glance, before he went right back to watching the Ingrid battle. Odd. Maybe he was finally getting over whatever stupid bug had gotten into him, thank the goddesses. Zero decided to push his luck, as suicidal as that may have been.
"Hey, Hiead," he began jovially, slapping his rival on the back of the head as he approached, earning him another ice-cold glare. "Ready for when I beat you again in the next lesson?"
Those wine-colored eyes narrowed a split-second before he brought his attention back to what was in front of him. "Idiot."
Zero smirked, turning his gaze to what had so caught Hiead's.
The five Ingrids were, indeed, out there-- fighting against a new attack from Victim, like Zero had suspected. There movements were so graceful, like those of a choreographed dance of some sort; the blue-eyed boy couldn't help but be awed by it all. Even after months of being here, of staying at GOA and training to become a Pilot, it was still a little overwhelming and hard to believe that anyone could maneuver such magnificent creations, let alone him. But it was true, all of it. He was going to become a Pilot-- and Hiead Gner was going to die a fiery death, left in Zero's wake and forgotten by all. Muwahahahahahaha. He liked the sound of that.
Okay, so it was nice to dream, anyway. About Hiead dyeing a fiery death, that is; Zero was determined that he would become a Pilot, and so was everyone else around here. Their support was very comforting-- and a booster for his ego.
A bright explosion out in space brought tremors under the pair's feet soon after, and Zero almost tripped, catching hold of the edge of a bench to steady himself. He thought he saw Hiead smirk out of the corner of his eye, but shrugged it off as irrelevant as he straightened; no need to get into a brawl when there was something much more interesting that proving himself to Hiead at the moment-- namely, watching Erts' vessel and making sure it was and stayed in good shape.
His eyes picked out the subtle green of Luhma Klein easily enough, considering the times he'd done just this action before, though in different portions of this ship. Erts seemed to be doing fine, holding his own on the fringe of the battle, since the Green Goddess wasn't really suited for intense battle, and Zero breathed a sigh of relief. For some reason he'd had this strange feeling that something was horribly, horribly wrong. Now, with his fears abated, he could chalk it up to the half-remembered remnants of a bad dream and just enjoy the battle-- keeping a discreet-but-close eye on his friend throughout the whole of it, of course.
Zero had to wonder, though-- why was it he worried about Erts so? Sure, he knew him, he was his friend and all, but... was that it? He didn't really know the others Pilots, he'd admit, and he'd only ever met that green-haired one-- Gareas Elidd, was it?-- who had just seemed indignant about Zero accidentally falling into Eeva-Leena, and his Repairer, who had seemed nice enough, if not a little too interested in his well-being for Zero to feel totally comfortable around her.
He liked Erts, he knew that much. Really, really liked him. Maybe... more than liked him, perhaps? What else was there? Love? He could honestly say that he loved Erts as he loved all his close friends: Clay, Kizna, and even Yamagi. But did he love him love him?
Zero had never been in love, and if this was it, the storybooks his mother used to read him weren't even close to hitting the mark. Sure, he wanted to protect Erts, but he wasn't seeing the blond boy as more than he was, but just as he was, unlike almost everyone else here. And he didn't mind if someone read his thoughts, anyway. Besides, according to some people, there wasn't much to read.
The brown-haired youth had so many thoughts playing ring-around-the-rosy inside his head that he didn't notice the second swarm of Victim coming up behind Erts' Ingrid before it was too late-- not that he could have done much, but he still blamed himself for it. Maybe he could have warned the blond youth through their link-thing or something. Luckily, the powerful radar in Luhma Klein alerted Erts before he could be ambushed, but now the battle had been brought right into the blond Pilot's hands-- and Luhma Klein was in no way built for battling a large number of Victim, which was what had happened to the situation. Zero grit his teeth, hard, and willed his friend to get out of there, fast.
It was in that moment that the door to the Observatory Deck burst open and Yamagi ran in, skidding ungracefully to a halt five feet into the room. Roose was not far behind his shorter friend, pausing once he reached Yamagi to put his head between his legs and attempt to breathe deeply, breath nonetheless coming in short, hard gasps.
"Yama... gi... kun..." the green-haired youth gasped out, sparing quick, furtive, worried glances at his companion between the times then his eyes were tightly shut to stop the ship from spinning in his vision.
"What is it? What's wrong?!" Yamagi demanded in a rush, glancing around wildly, face mirroring confusing when he didn't immediately find anything out of the ordinary.
Zero blinked at him, eyes darting between his friend and fellow Candidate and the battle going on outside, while Hiead ignored him altogether. "Yamagi? What are you doing here?"
"Didn't you guys hear it?! You must have..." purple brows furrowed. "There was a girl... a woman, I think. And she called me. Called out. And I came here." He glanced first at Zero, then at Hiead, and finally out at the battle, gaze falling on the White Goddess. "She called me here."
[Who is it you see...? Is it me...?]
Zero's eyes widened at that unheard, somehow felt phrase. Yamagi could here her too? But he hadn't heard her, just now, and Yamagi had... did that mean in was a different woman?
Then again, how many strange woman who seemed to talk into your mind could there possibly be in one galaxy?
A cry, echoing in his soul. Zero whirled and clenched his fists, gaze seeking out the Green Goddess instinctively.
[First...!]
It was surrounded; totally and completely surrounded. No way out. The others were too far away, desperately trying to reach him, but... they wouldn't make it. Zero growled, anger at the Victim flashing up hot and red in his chest. If they dared touch him... his hair took on a life of its own, moving to stand on end, as he felt that familiar power well up...
And then they moved, all at once, converging on the Goddess and literally smothering it. Zero stood there, stunned into feeling nothing, for a moment or two, before his fists clenched tighter, drawing blood to the surface as he cried out in anguish and despair as something inside him twisted and faded into almost nothing. He lunged forward, pounding on the windows in frustration, tears springing to his eyes as he tried desperately to get out and help Erts before…
A hand on his shoulder, turning him violently; he stared in shock at Hiead, not recognizing him for a moment-- before a fist pulled back and struck, landing a jarring blow to his jaw and knocking him to the ground. Damn it, not now! Couldn't the stupid bastard see what was happening?!
Zero ignored that obvious insult, tiring to jump to his feet and help Erts, but Hiead was on him in a second, dark eyes cold as he wrestled the brown-haired boy to the floor, landing glancing kicks and punches that, although not serious, served to keep Zero off-balance.
"Damn it, you coward-- bastard, LET ME GO!!" the tears were blurring his vision even as he fought against his rivals caging hold viciously, using any means necessary to make him let go and release him, but to no avail. Hiead was using his EX as well, but it wasn't wild like Zero's at the moment, it was controlled-- and directed solely to the task of keeping him from doing something everyone would regret.
[Who do you see...? Is it me...?]
Through the tears and the struggling, Zero noted that Yamagi and Roose had come up closer, obviously trying to help Hiead for once, but there was nothing they could do.
And then he felt it; both of them did, Hiead and Zero-- the power that was like theirs, but somehow older. The same thing they had felt when they had fought Victim in the Pro-Ings. It welled up inside of them, then spilled out, on to the floor, bathing the four gathered in a strange light, swirling with four indiscernible colors.
[Now go!]
A pain ripped though Zero then, a pain so intense that for one moment he could feeling nothing but it, not even the sorrow and rage at what had happened. It seemed to last for an eternity, to stretch on and on inside his mind, but it was only a moment before he found himself on hands and knees, looking down unseeingly at green grass, mind not comprehending anything but what he was so focusing on.
Erts...
He choked back a sob. There was no way the blonde boy could have... It just wasn't possible! He wouldn't believe it!
And yet... he had seen it with his own eyes, and felt it as well. He could not refute it, and sorrow and rage threatened to overwhelm him.
He could not fight the emotions; and so, why should he? There was nothing left for him right now but to feel; to feel so strongly that it would burn him to a husk inside. Then he could lie inside himself, and never have to think again. If he just...
:No.:
Another voice in his head, this one different but still loud. His head snapped up at the sound, and eyes cleared for the briefest moment.
A sky. The thing Clay had called a 'horizon'. Trees. Grass. Houses.
A planet.
And now, for whatever reason, he was more lost that he had ever been, more lost than he had been five minutes ago.
:No.:
Again, the voice; but now it was accompanied by a real, tangible sound of hoofbeats on hard ground, with a chime like bells, and the dual sound of another set of bells, and they rang sharply in his ears. He swallowed thickly, gaze moving towards the source of the sound-- and there in front of him stood a horse, so white it practically glowed, with a slender, muscular grace like nothing Zero had ever seen before, and the eyes, the deep, sapphire-blue eyes--
:No, you are not lost. You are found. I Choose you; out of all the nations, I have found you at last! I will hold you, shield you from your wounds, and let you truly live. For I am yours.:
Zero couldn't breathe, this new feeling that had filled him the instant he had laid eyes on this magnificent animal was threatening to overwhelm him, but in a good way. He felt loved again, but his heart still ached fiercely, and he couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely. He sobbed, and the horse-- no, this was much more than a horse, it seemed-- nuzzled his shoulder tenderly.
:Now you must forget, young one. You must forget until your wounded heart-- and your soul-- are ready to remember. Until that time comes...:
*****
So... *wheedling look* How was it? Alright? Good? Bad? Let it burn in Hell, perhaps? C&C, please!
And for those of you with question about poor Erts, well... maybe I did. Then again, maybe I didn't. You'll have to wait and see. ^.^;
Music notes-- the lyrics Kizna was singing came from Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles". The title for this chapter came from the song "Hero", from the Spiderman movie.
Recommended fics: Of course, "Entertaining Angels" and "Return of the Scatterling Angel" by Poetisa. And, for any of you WeiB Kreuz fans out there, check out Aphrael's "When in Rome". It's a must read for any KenxOmi/YohjixAya fans. ^.^
And thanks, of course, goes to Poetisa, for the inspiration needed to actually start this. ^.^
As always, don't forget to check out the HZML at http://groups.yahoo.com
Wind To Thy Wings,
Nozomi