Because
of you
I've
given up all
I had
And
because of you
I'm
getting it
All
back
Author's Notes: squee~~! it's been SO long since i updated a ficcie ^__^ anyhow, this is my "novel" which i hope does REAAALLY well! soo..anyhow, it's ALL my favourite couples! *v-sign* you'll have to read to find out...^-^
Chapter 1: Suki deska ....
Music can be beautiful.
Actually, music is beautiful. Not just the sound of it, music itself.
The way it combines to create a beautiful sound. The work of man, and an elegant instrument mixed to make music. Beauty.
But music is beautiful to me another way too, though. What my favourite thing about music is the way my fingers dance across the keys of the piano and musical notes float out of it to drift around you and your sweet voice comes lilting out to spin with the music notes I play and then it is truly beautiful.
Like you.
- - - - - - - - - - -
She seriously had better things to do than this. Tomoyo Daidouji sighed, drumming her fingers steadily against the table as she listened to the teacher drone on with his teachings.
It wasn't that she disliked school. She rather enjoyed coming to school, or she had. She had enjoyed coming to school to see Sakura's smiling face, and hearing Yamazaki's stories and see Chiharu beat him on the head with her mallet and drag him off with surprising strength.
But when Syaoran had come from Hong-Kong, things had changed. Oh, Yamazaki's stories were just as outrageous as before and he took immense pleasure in telling them to Syaoran who never quite knew quite what to believe.... but the changes were not in Yamazaki or Syaoran. They were in Sakura and Tomoyo herself.
Tomoyo had expected that it would be different when Syaoran came back. She had expected him to come back. Kami-sama was very considerate when it came to love, so she had expected a miracle to happen. So she was not very surprised when Syaoran came back. She tried to tell herself she didn't care, she told herself that Sakura's happiness was her happiness. And at that time it had seemed true - seeing Sakura's face light up in a ray, the wide smile and how her green eyes had sparkled - sparkled so beautifully, so differently from the way they had sparkled with Tomoyo, sparkled only in a way that Syaoran could make possible.
But as the days grew by, and Tomoyo soon found herself drifting away from Sakura. Or rather, Sakura drifting away from her. Tomoyo struggled to hold on, but Sakura had Syaoran now. Tomoyo was gone... and although the 'your happiness is my happiness' still lay clear in Tomoyo's mind, she was finding it harder to keep on being happy.
She still talked to Sakura a bit. Every morning, Sakura always chirped a "Ohayo Tomoyo-chan!" and Tomoyo would reply obediently, "Ohayo Sakura-chan."
But it wasn't the same anymore. After school, Sakura left with Syaoran who blushingly would walk her home or to any other place. Tomoyo, who had usually walked happily with Sakura home, could either call a limo or walk by herself. She was alone.. alone... and missed Sakura terribly, but what could she do?
"Tomoyo-chan," a familier voice chirped.
Knocked out of her reverie, swiftly, Tomoyo turned her head to the source of the voice, her long curls whipping away, hitting any unlucky person who would happen to be straying nearby.
Sakura stood there, glowing slightly and smiling. "Tomoyo-chan, I was wondering if you were free today?"
Tomoyo looked up, hopefully. Could she... could it... "Yes?" she replied, struggling to keep the light and eagerness out of her voice.
"Good. Because Syaoran and I were wondering if you - "
Tomoyo's face dimmed. "Oh."
" - and Eriol-kun," Sakura continued on, not missing a beat. "would like to come with us downtown, because there's a new cafe there and it's the one place that Oniichan isn't working at so far and Syaoran and I would reaally like to eat somewhere without him leering over our shoulder every 5 seconds or so. But if by any chance 'Niichan is working there, he wouldn't be so annooooying because you and Eriol-kun would be there eating with us." She smiled. Then she looked scandalized. "Not that we're using you! We really want to eat with you because going somewhere new is really nice with friends.." She finished. She looked at Tomoyo, pleadingly. "..please Tomoyo-chan? And Eriol-kun?"
Tomoyo bit her lip nervously. She would like to come, but something nagged at her that Sakura was just asking her out of politeness, that Tomoyo would not belong --
"I'd love to join you." A quiet voice knocked Tomoyo out of her thoughts. Twisting around, she met face to face with the owner of the voice. His dark eyes were hidden behind his glasses and strands of his inky blue hair rested gently against his forehead, some resting on the outside of his glasses. Sunlight streaming from a nearby window bounced off his glasses and showed, instead of his eyes, a blinding glimmer of light. She flushed slightly. She had forgotten Eriol sat behind her. How had she forgotten? He always sat behind her, quiet, yet not so quiet and just.... there. She turned back around. What did it really matter whether he was there or not?
".. that is," Eriol continued on in his quiet even voice. "If that's okay." Cautiousness crept at the edges of his tone, and Tomoyo was willing to bet that Syaoran was giving his infamous 'Stay The Hell Away From Me Or Else I'll Kick Your Ass To High-Fly' glare. Any other time she would have smiled slightly at the amusement of it, but this was not any other time.
"Of course it's okay!" Sakura smiled even more, as usual, oblivious to the goings-on between Eriol and Syaoran. ".. but... Tomoyo-chan, can you please go?"
Tomoyo bit her lip again. She turned around a bit. Shifting her eyes around, they rested on Eriol who gazed at her silently. Intently though, and she was sure that he knew exactly what she was thinking. The thought made her rather apprehensive. She shifted her gaze again and this time they rested on Syaoran who might have been trying to look sympathetic, but instead ended up looking something both sympathetic and sorry. The thought disturbed her.
She bent her head, letting her curls spill into her face as she steadily packed her books away. "Of course, Sakura-chan." She answered, keeping her voice light and fighting to keep the tears to a limit, to tiny prickles at the corner of her eyes. She blinked rapidly. "If that's what will make you happy." She stood up, holding her bookbag with her hands, trying to smile. At the corner of her eye again, she saw Syaoran look surprised, and the look of sorry faded.
Good.
She would rather no one feel sorry for her. There was nothing to be sorry for. If Sakura was happy... so was she. And feeling sorry for happiness was ridiculous.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Eriol Hiiragizawa was not an idiot.
He knew almost everything that went on. Tomoyo sat in front of him -- how could he not? He saw the way Tomoyo's head tilted slightly down, whenever Syaoran and Sakura were nearby. Her head faced forward, and you could see -- at least, Eriol could -- her watching them, carefully, contemplative and the corner of her eyes. How they squeezed tightly shut when Syaoran would embrace Sakura and she would give him her dazzling smiling -- full of love. Eriol could see Tomoyo do that, and turn her head away to shut it out.
But since Eriol was not an idiot, he knew very well that she couldn't shut it out. It was very well near to impossible.
Tomoyo often forgot that Eriol was behind her. Maybe if she had remembered that, and remembered that Eriol was once Clow, and sneaky, foreboding, and knew things others didn't quite know, she would have regained her composture and not made her sadness so clear. But she did. No matter how many times she told people that she was happy, she was not.
Eriol couldn't see how people could be so stupid and not realize that. Maybe it was because he was once a magician. Maybe it was because he was so powerful, and was a fortune-teller. But it seemed that Eriol was the only one who seemed to be able to look past the smiling words, and see the crying soul inside.
Maybe.
"Shall we leave?" Eriol asked, pushing his glasses up. He held his book-bag in one hand, and stood up. Behind him, Syaoran glowered. Eriol pretended not to notice.
"Sure!" Sakura said happily. "Tomoyo-chan, let's gooo!"
"Of course." Tomoyo smiled delicately, and slowly got up from her seat. Her eyes locked with Eriol, and he felt a startling impact of a message send through the strong, unwavering gaze. If I don't go, Sakura-chan won't be happy. I need Sakura-chan to be happy.
He said nothing. It wasn't until they had let the school, and were walking along the busy streets of Tomoeda, he did. "Is Sakura-san not capable of happiness, by herself?" He murmured, stepping slowly to keep in step with Tomoyo.
She gazed at him, her violet eyes searching him beseechingly. She walked as slow as he did, both of them walking in contrast of the rapid movement of the cars beside them, the people hurrying about, and Sakura and Syaoran skipping hand in hand ahead of them. Actually, it was Sakura who was skipping and Syaoran was both hopping and walking in effort to keep up with her. It was pretty amusing, a bemused part of Eriol's mind commented. To see dignified Xiao Lang hopping and walking in the same step. Dignified Xiao Lang was not to skip... after all, that was the key to dignity. Eriol himself didn't skip. He didn't hop either.. he merely walked, and maybe when he was Clow - he flew. But he was walking now, slowly with Tomoyo and awaiting her answer.
A slight breeze blew her dark violet curls past her face. She was looking ahead - no, at the ground. Her face was smooth of emotion, but an almost invisible hesitation tugged at her eyebrows, a thoughtfulness. She looked at him.
He looked back. He saw the anxious hesitatation in her eyes, shielded with a defiance. There was tired, weary look to it as well. He stopped walking for a moment, as so did she. He gazed at her, and drank in her emotions, the muddled confusion, buried fear, icy sadness and transparent happiness. And he knew. .. even the wise Tomoyo could choose to ignore things.
Eriol smiled. ".. would you like to hop, walk, run, or skip?" I understand.
Tomoyo looked confused. Then the corners of her mouth turned up. "Walking is fine, thank you." I thought you could.
- - - - - - - - - - -
They were suddenly skipping and hopping at the same time. Which just goes to show, that dignity isn't always what we think.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Sakura smiled happily over a bowl of strawberry ice-cream, with of course, a cherry on top. Shoving a spoonful in her mouth, she continued on talking. ".. which is why Syaoran and I decided to come to a different place for once, because almost every place we've been to lately has Oniichan working in it!" A scandalized look on her face showed that the fact that Oniichan was working everywhere was not a good thing.
Tomoyo leaned back, stirring her green tea ice-cream. It was melting. She didn't really care though, she had lots of ice-cream back at home and hadn't really wanted ice-cream to begin with. She stirred a bit more, and enjoyed the sound of Sakura-chan's voice chattering gaily about. It was better than any ice-cream.
Syaoran calmly scraped all the chocolate flakes of his chocolate ice-cream, and ate them. He was listening to what Sakura was saying and nodding along but watched Tomoyo carefully as well.
He watched as she smiled and laughed over what Sakura said. She gazed at Sakura affectionately, the light in her eyes glazing over.
It was sad, really.
- - - - - - - - - - -
She still smiles, laughs and talks. She looks happy, doesn't she? After all, isn't that what happy people do ?
"What a nice child," they say. "So happy."
But is she really?
They don't know of the smiles that hint of bitter sadness, hidden pain. They don't know of the many tears cried alone, so many tears wept to bring that smile.
They don't know that behind the smile there's an pained, heartbroken soul.
All they see is a beautiful smile.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Author's Notes: dun DUNNN !! well. that was rather short.
read & review .. pweaaaase ;-; reviews bring me on. 15 reviews, you got the next chappie for sure ! ^_~