Part IV Love Revisited
Dargo was standing outside the med chamber. John moved around him without saying a word. Dargo turned.
Dargo: Can we speak?
John: I am really tired. Can it wait?
Dargo: (demanding tone) No.
John: Fine. Walk and talk.
Dargo was stumbling over his words. John walked swiftly to his chambers. He sat on the bed and kicked his boots off.
Dargo: I know you blame me for what has happened to Aeryn. You know I would not willing do anything to hurt her.
John: (lowering his eyes) I do not blame anyone. I just want her back.
Dargo: The advice I gave you about protecting yourself and not letting her in. It was wrong. I was wrong. I could see that when you went missing through that wormhole. She was even more devastated than when she came back to Moya after the other you died.
John: You were just trying to help.
Dargo: I had no right to push my own personal feelings on to you and Aeryn.
John: Your feelings?
Dargo: The greatest pain I ever experienced was the loss of my wife and then my child. I could see that very real possibility happening with you and Aeryn and I just wanted to try to shield you from what I went through.
John: Our situations are not the same. Your wife was murdered and you sent your son away for his safety. That is not what was happening here.
Dargo: I know but the pain and loss would be the same.
John: I pushed her away because I did not trust her connection to Scorpius. I did not trust her. I needed her to tell me where she was all that time and what she had gotten in to and how in the hell she hooked up with leather face?
Dargo: And now you do not need to know?
John: I still want to know but there is something that I want that is more important than that.
Dargo: Aeryn?
John: Yes and the baby.
Dargo: The genetic testing still has not been done.
John looked up at Dargo. He spoke with clarity and confidence in his tone.
John: There is no one in this universe who has more of a right to claim that child than I do. Whether we match genetically or not that child is as much a part of me, of my heart, as Aeryn.
Dargo: We do not know how she is going to be if she wakes up.
His expression changed.
John: WHEN she wakes up she will be fine.
Dargo: Are we okay?
John smiled slightly.
John: I told you before. There is nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop being your friend. Just do me a favor?
Dargo: Name it.
John: Do not ever let grandma give Aeryn anything else, if I am not around.
Dargo smiled slightly. He went over and sat on the bed.
Dargo: What happened to you? Where have you been?
John began relating the story of his time with Einstein and his journey home.
***** Chiana was babbling on and on about some deal she and Rygel were working on for the next trading post they found. She was tinkering with some jars on the table on the other side of the med chamber. She dropped the jar she was holding when she turned to look at Aeryn and saw Aeryn looking back at her. Chiana smiled.
Chiana: Frell. You are awake.
Aeryn: (speaking softly) You are going to get us all arrested or killed if you and Rygel try that.
Chiana hurried over to the table.
Chiana: You heard what I was saying?
Aeryn: Some.
Aeryn turned her head. Her eyes looked around the med chamber.
Aeryn: What happened? How did I end up here?
Aeryn tried to raise her head but the room started spinning. Chiana pushed her shoulders back down on to the table.
Chiana: Take it easy.
Aeryn laid her hands on her forehead.
Chiana: Do you remember anything?
Aeryn: The old woman gave me something after that not much.
She rubbed her eyes.
Aeryn: How long have I been out?
She turned her head toward Chiana.
John: (voice cracking with emotion) Too long.
The voice came from behind her. Aeryn stared straight at Chiana with a look of fear and hope in her eyes. Chiana looked up toward the sound of the voice and smiled. She looked down at Aeryn.
Chiana: You have a visitor. He has been waiting for a while to talk with you.
Chiana walked around the table and passed Crichton. She touched his arm. He smiled at her.
John stepped inside the med chamber. Aeryn still did not turn her head. She was afraid of what she would find when she did. John walked up beside the table.
John: You are not even going to say hello? I came all the way back across the universe for you. The least you could do is look at me and say hello.
Aeryn closed her eyes when she felt a hand stroke her cheek. She turned her head slowly. John leaned over her.
John: Open your eyes baby. (He blew gently into her face.) I have been waiting a long time to look in those beautiful eyes again.
When Aeryn opened her eyes a stream of tears escaped.
Aeryn: John? Are you really here?
John: Touch me and find out.
Her hand was shaking noticeably as it approached his face. When she laid her hand on his warm face he smiled. She stared into his eyes.
John: Hey.
Aeryn: (smiling) Hey.
She lovingly stroked his cheek and stared into his bright blue eyes.
Aeryn: Where have you been?
John: I could ask you the same question.
She sat up like a jack in the box and threw her arms around his neck. He sat on the table beside her and held her close.
Aeryn: You are alive and you are here.
She held him tight and would not or could not let him go.
John: Not that I do not love this fly paper thing we have going here but you really should be resting.
She pulled her head back.
Aeryn: Apparently that is all I have been doing for a while.
She took his face into her hands.
Aeryn: Where have you been John Crichton?
John: (He got a playful expression on his face) Depends? Do you mean figuratively or literally?
She shook her head and slipped her arms back around him. He stroked her mane of hair.
John: It is all right. I am home now. From the way you are behaving I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Aeryn pulled back and saw the smug look on his face. She pushed him off the table onto the floor.
John: Ouch!
Aeryn: (playful anger in her voice) Do not ever do that to me again Crichton?
He smiled up at her.
John: I love you too.
Her face softened.
Aeryn: (without hesitation or fear) I do love you.
Her eyes searched his for a response.
John: I know that. (He stood up and sat beside her.) Now.
Aeryn: What happened to you?
John: I will tell you after you get some rest. You have to take better care of yourself. You have the little guy to think about you know.
John touched her stomach.
Aeryn: How did you know?
John: Know what?
Aeryn: That it is a boy? You called him little guy.
John smiled.
John: A father always knows.
Aeryn: Father?
John: Do you mind?
Aeryn: No.
John: How do you know?
Aeryn: Know what?
John: He is a boy.
She thought of her time with Zhann. A sweet smile came to her face. She lowered her hand on top of his and laid back. The room was still spinning a little. He leaned forward and stared into her eyes.
John: You get some rest. I will be here when you wake up.
Aeryn: Promise?
John smiled at her.
John: I promise.
He touched his forehead to hers. Their lips met in a gentle kiss. Aeryn closed her eyes reluctantly but sleep was claiming her. He sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. ****** Aeryn had no permanent damage from the drug Noranti gave her. She was up and around in a couple of days. She had seemed distracted every now and then but it did not seem to be from the drug. She had something on her mind.
******* John and Dargo were in command. They were plotting out the course to the next commerce planet. Moya needed to be restocked. Tormented space was more than just the Bermuda Triangle of space. It was like being in the dessert and trying to find the only four watering holes when it came to finding supplies.
John: Is Moya sure about the status of this planet?
Pilot: As sure as she can be with the density of this space. We will know more once we get within range of the planet.
Dargo: Which will be when?
Pilot: Approximately 10 arns.
John stood up.
John: Well I am going to chill out until then. Call me if you need me.
Dargo: I will.
John: Where is Aeryn?
Pilot: I believe she is out on the terrace.
John: Thanks.
***** Aeryn was sitting near the edge of the terrace with her notebook. John stood in the doorway listening to her practicing English words.
Aeryn: Vic-tor-ee. Victorea?
John: Victory. You had the pronunciation right the first time.
She looked over her shoulder and smiled.
John: Hey.
Aeryn: Hey.
John: Mind if I join you?
Aeryn: Pull up a set.
John smiled at her attempt.
John: Seat.
She nodded.
Aeryn: Seat. That is what I meant.
John sat beside her. She looked down at the notebook.
John: Can I ask you a question?
Aeryn: Does any one ever say no to that?
He grinned.
Aeryn: Go ahead.
John: Why the big push to learn English?
She closed the book and looked up at him.
Aeryn: Before John died I told him I would go back to Earth with him. He made this to help me with the language.
John looked out at the stars.
John: I sort of figured.
She leaned into John.
Aeryn: I am still hoping to see all those places I heard about.
John did not respond. She slipped her hand in his.
Aeryn: Please do not be hurt by this. I loved him. I can not apologize for that.
John: I know and you should not have to.
He looked into her eyes.
John: Because of the drug Noranti gave me and possibly my exposure to that game Stark made, I have had some memories of his incorporated into mine. Memories from his time on Talyn with you.
Aeryn lowered her head. He kissed the top of it.
John: I am beginning to understand more and more about what it is you two shared.
Aeryn looked up at him.
John: I am not saying it is easy to know but I can see what you meant when you said you two were perfect.
There was silence for a few microts.
John: I am sorry Aeryn.
She looked up at him.
Aeryn: What for?
John: Not understanding, not appreciating, the enormity of your loss. I had no right to expect you to just pick up like nothing happened because something did. The man you loved died.
He ran his fingertips along her arm.
John: He died in your arms. You must have been on emotional overload and I did not help matters any.
She laid her head on his shoulder and rested her forehead against his chin.
John: There are some things that I do not know though. That only you can tell me.
Aeryn: Like?
John: Tell me about Valldon?
Her eyes closed.
John: Aeryn?
Aeryn: What brought that up?
John: If it is too difficult for you to talk about, you do not have to. Rygel and Crais filled me in on some things but I wanted to hear it from you.
Aeryn lifted her body off of him and moved away slightly. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
John: You still have pain when you think about it?
Aeryn: I was free falling after John died. There was nothing, no one to hold on to. Valldon is where I finally fell.
She was staring off into the distance. John was staring at her.
Aeryn: I went there because Stark told me that there were medians there that could contact the dead.
John: You wanted to reach John?
Aeryn: I just wanted something to fill that empty place inside of me. I wanted the hurt to stop.
She looked in his eyes.
Aeryn: Yes. I wanted to reach John.
She stared off again.
Aeryn: I never felt anything like that before not even when Velorek. (slight pause) Every microt I had to keep reminding myself to breathe when all I really wanted to do was stop and go wherever he was. So when Stark told me about Valldon.
John: You had to go. What were you hoping for?
Aeryn: I did not have any hope. That was the problem then and that was the problem when I returned to Moya and saw you for the first time. There was this emptiness where love used to live and I needed to fill it with something.
John: What did you fill it with?
Aeryn: Anger and resentment.
John: At?
Aeryn: You for looking like him, sounding like him, and feeling like him.
John just listened.
Aeryn: Him for dying. (She looked at John.) Me for not being able to save him. It was just everything in general. Letting you in would have meant letting go of that anger and letting go of him. I just was not ready to do that.
John: You know what happened was not your fault. You could not have stopped him any more than you could have stopped me, if I were in his position.
Aeryn: I knew that here (pointing to her head) but here (pointing to her heart) was not ready to accept that.
She laid her head back on his shoulder. John rested his chin against her silky raven hair.
John: We are passed that.
She lifted her head and looked at him.
Aeryn: I am sorry for shutting you out when I first came back to Moya. It is just that when I looked at you all I could see was him. Or a substitute for him and I could not take it in. The enormity of the loss and the joy of seeing your face when I stepped off that pod. It was all so overwhelming. Everything inside me just shut down.
John: Do you still see a substitute of the man you loved when you look at me?
She turned her body towards him. She reached her hand out and touched his cheek.
Aeryn: I see John Crichton. The man that I love and SOON the father of my son.
John took her hand in his. He kissed the back of it and pulled her to him. She laid her head back on his shoulder.
John: Apology accepted.
He kissed the top of her head.
John: (The gravity of what she said hit him.) How soon?
Aeryn: As soon as we find medical assistance that we can trust.
John sat bolt upright.
John: Are you sure?
Aeryn lifted her head and looked in his eyes.
Aeryn: I think he has waited long enough. What do you think?
John: I thought you wanted things to be right, settled, safe?
Aeryn: He can not stay in there forever. This is as settled as our lives are ever going to be.
She moved onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Aeryn: We have never felt more right. He will never be safer than wrapped in these arms. (She took his arms and wrapped them around her waist.) But if you are not sure we can wait until you are but I have to tell you I am very anxious to meet him. To know the person he will become. If you are not ready for this then we can wait.
John: (smiling slightly) You must be kidding. I only wish I had cigars to pass out.
Aeryn tuned up her face.
Aeryn: Cigars?
John: Human speak for it is a boy.
Aeryn: Oh.
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. They hugged.
Dargo was standing outside the med chamber. John moved around him without saying a word. Dargo turned.
Dargo: Can we speak?
John: I am really tired. Can it wait?
Dargo: (demanding tone) No.
John: Fine. Walk and talk.
Dargo was stumbling over his words. John walked swiftly to his chambers. He sat on the bed and kicked his boots off.
Dargo: I know you blame me for what has happened to Aeryn. You know I would not willing do anything to hurt her.
John: (lowering his eyes) I do not blame anyone. I just want her back.
Dargo: The advice I gave you about protecting yourself and not letting her in. It was wrong. I was wrong. I could see that when you went missing through that wormhole. She was even more devastated than when she came back to Moya after the other you died.
John: You were just trying to help.
Dargo: I had no right to push my own personal feelings on to you and Aeryn.
John: Your feelings?
Dargo: The greatest pain I ever experienced was the loss of my wife and then my child. I could see that very real possibility happening with you and Aeryn and I just wanted to try to shield you from what I went through.
John: Our situations are not the same. Your wife was murdered and you sent your son away for his safety. That is not what was happening here.
Dargo: I know but the pain and loss would be the same.
John: I pushed her away because I did not trust her connection to Scorpius. I did not trust her. I needed her to tell me where she was all that time and what she had gotten in to and how in the hell she hooked up with leather face?
Dargo: And now you do not need to know?
John: I still want to know but there is something that I want that is more important than that.
Dargo: Aeryn?
John: Yes and the baby.
Dargo: The genetic testing still has not been done.
John looked up at Dargo. He spoke with clarity and confidence in his tone.
John: There is no one in this universe who has more of a right to claim that child than I do. Whether we match genetically or not that child is as much a part of me, of my heart, as Aeryn.
Dargo: We do not know how she is going to be if she wakes up.
His expression changed.
John: WHEN she wakes up she will be fine.
Dargo: Are we okay?
John smiled slightly.
John: I told you before. There is nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop being your friend. Just do me a favor?
Dargo: Name it.
John: Do not ever let grandma give Aeryn anything else, if I am not around.
Dargo smiled slightly. He went over and sat on the bed.
Dargo: What happened to you? Where have you been?
John began relating the story of his time with Einstein and his journey home.
***** Chiana was babbling on and on about some deal she and Rygel were working on for the next trading post they found. She was tinkering with some jars on the table on the other side of the med chamber. She dropped the jar she was holding when she turned to look at Aeryn and saw Aeryn looking back at her. Chiana smiled.
Chiana: Frell. You are awake.
Aeryn: (speaking softly) You are going to get us all arrested or killed if you and Rygel try that.
Chiana hurried over to the table.
Chiana: You heard what I was saying?
Aeryn: Some.
Aeryn turned her head. Her eyes looked around the med chamber.
Aeryn: What happened? How did I end up here?
Aeryn tried to raise her head but the room started spinning. Chiana pushed her shoulders back down on to the table.
Chiana: Take it easy.
Aeryn laid her hands on her forehead.
Chiana: Do you remember anything?
Aeryn: The old woman gave me something after that not much.
She rubbed her eyes.
Aeryn: How long have I been out?
She turned her head toward Chiana.
John: (voice cracking with emotion) Too long.
The voice came from behind her. Aeryn stared straight at Chiana with a look of fear and hope in her eyes. Chiana looked up toward the sound of the voice and smiled. She looked down at Aeryn.
Chiana: You have a visitor. He has been waiting for a while to talk with you.
Chiana walked around the table and passed Crichton. She touched his arm. He smiled at her.
John stepped inside the med chamber. Aeryn still did not turn her head. She was afraid of what she would find when she did. John walked up beside the table.
John: You are not even going to say hello? I came all the way back across the universe for you. The least you could do is look at me and say hello.
Aeryn closed her eyes when she felt a hand stroke her cheek. She turned her head slowly. John leaned over her.
John: Open your eyes baby. (He blew gently into her face.) I have been waiting a long time to look in those beautiful eyes again.
When Aeryn opened her eyes a stream of tears escaped.
Aeryn: John? Are you really here?
John: Touch me and find out.
Her hand was shaking noticeably as it approached his face. When she laid her hand on his warm face he smiled. She stared into his eyes.
John: Hey.
Aeryn: (smiling) Hey.
She lovingly stroked his cheek and stared into his bright blue eyes.
Aeryn: Where have you been?
John: I could ask you the same question.
She sat up like a jack in the box and threw her arms around his neck. He sat on the table beside her and held her close.
Aeryn: You are alive and you are here.
She held him tight and would not or could not let him go.
John: Not that I do not love this fly paper thing we have going here but you really should be resting.
She pulled her head back.
Aeryn: Apparently that is all I have been doing for a while.
She took his face into her hands.
Aeryn: Where have you been John Crichton?
John: (He got a playful expression on his face) Depends? Do you mean figuratively or literally?
She shook her head and slipped her arms back around him. He stroked her mane of hair.
John: It is all right. I am home now. From the way you are behaving I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Aeryn pulled back and saw the smug look on his face. She pushed him off the table onto the floor.
John: Ouch!
Aeryn: (playful anger in her voice) Do not ever do that to me again Crichton?
He smiled up at her.
John: I love you too.
Her face softened.
Aeryn: (without hesitation or fear) I do love you.
Her eyes searched his for a response.
John: I know that. (He stood up and sat beside her.) Now.
Aeryn: What happened to you?
John: I will tell you after you get some rest. You have to take better care of yourself. You have the little guy to think about you know.
John touched her stomach.
Aeryn: How did you know?
John: Know what?
Aeryn: That it is a boy? You called him little guy.
John smiled.
John: A father always knows.
Aeryn: Father?
John: Do you mind?
Aeryn: No.
John: How do you know?
Aeryn: Know what?
John: He is a boy.
She thought of her time with Zhann. A sweet smile came to her face. She lowered her hand on top of his and laid back. The room was still spinning a little. He leaned forward and stared into her eyes.
John: You get some rest. I will be here when you wake up.
Aeryn: Promise?
John smiled at her.
John: I promise.
He touched his forehead to hers. Their lips met in a gentle kiss. Aeryn closed her eyes reluctantly but sleep was claiming her. He sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. ****** Aeryn had no permanent damage from the drug Noranti gave her. She was up and around in a couple of days. She had seemed distracted every now and then but it did not seem to be from the drug. She had something on her mind.
******* John and Dargo were in command. They were plotting out the course to the next commerce planet. Moya needed to be restocked. Tormented space was more than just the Bermuda Triangle of space. It was like being in the dessert and trying to find the only four watering holes when it came to finding supplies.
John: Is Moya sure about the status of this planet?
Pilot: As sure as she can be with the density of this space. We will know more once we get within range of the planet.
Dargo: Which will be when?
Pilot: Approximately 10 arns.
John stood up.
John: Well I am going to chill out until then. Call me if you need me.
Dargo: I will.
John: Where is Aeryn?
Pilot: I believe she is out on the terrace.
John: Thanks.
***** Aeryn was sitting near the edge of the terrace with her notebook. John stood in the doorway listening to her practicing English words.
Aeryn: Vic-tor-ee. Victorea?
John: Victory. You had the pronunciation right the first time.
She looked over her shoulder and smiled.
John: Hey.
Aeryn: Hey.
John: Mind if I join you?
Aeryn: Pull up a set.
John smiled at her attempt.
John: Seat.
She nodded.
Aeryn: Seat. That is what I meant.
John sat beside her. She looked down at the notebook.
John: Can I ask you a question?
Aeryn: Does any one ever say no to that?
He grinned.
Aeryn: Go ahead.
John: Why the big push to learn English?
She closed the book and looked up at him.
Aeryn: Before John died I told him I would go back to Earth with him. He made this to help me with the language.
John looked out at the stars.
John: I sort of figured.
She leaned into John.
Aeryn: I am still hoping to see all those places I heard about.
John did not respond. She slipped her hand in his.
Aeryn: Please do not be hurt by this. I loved him. I can not apologize for that.
John: I know and you should not have to.
He looked into her eyes.
John: Because of the drug Noranti gave me and possibly my exposure to that game Stark made, I have had some memories of his incorporated into mine. Memories from his time on Talyn with you.
Aeryn lowered her head. He kissed the top of it.
John: I am beginning to understand more and more about what it is you two shared.
Aeryn looked up at him.
John: I am not saying it is easy to know but I can see what you meant when you said you two were perfect.
There was silence for a few microts.
John: I am sorry Aeryn.
She looked up at him.
Aeryn: What for?
John: Not understanding, not appreciating, the enormity of your loss. I had no right to expect you to just pick up like nothing happened because something did. The man you loved died.
He ran his fingertips along her arm.
John: He died in your arms. You must have been on emotional overload and I did not help matters any.
She laid her head on his shoulder and rested her forehead against his chin.
John: There are some things that I do not know though. That only you can tell me.
Aeryn: Like?
John: Tell me about Valldon?
Her eyes closed.
John: Aeryn?
Aeryn: What brought that up?
John: If it is too difficult for you to talk about, you do not have to. Rygel and Crais filled me in on some things but I wanted to hear it from you.
Aeryn lifted her body off of him and moved away slightly. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
John: You still have pain when you think about it?
Aeryn: I was free falling after John died. There was nothing, no one to hold on to. Valldon is where I finally fell.
She was staring off into the distance. John was staring at her.
Aeryn: I went there because Stark told me that there were medians there that could contact the dead.
John: You wanted to reach John?
Aeryn: I just wanted something to fill that empty place inside of me. I wanted the hurt to stop.
She looked in his eyes.
Aeryn: Yes. I wanted to reach John.
She stared off again.
Aeryn: I never felt anything like that before not even when Velorek. (slight pause) Every microt I had to keep reminding myself to breathe when all I really wanted to do was stop and go wherever he was. So when Stark told me about Valldon.
John: You had to go. What were you hoping for?
Aeryn: I did not have any hope. That was the problem then and that was the problem when I returned to Moya and saw you for the first time. There was this emptiness where love used to live and I needed to fill it with something.
John: What did you fill it with?
Aeryn: Anger and resentment.
John: At?
Aeryn: You for looking like him, sounding like him, and feeling like him.
John just listened.
Aeryn: Him for dying. (She looked at John.) Me for not being able to save him. It was just everything in general. Letting you in would have meant letting go of that anger and letting go of him. I just was not ready to do that.
John: You know what happened was not your fault. You could not have stopped him any more than you could have stopped me, if I were in his position.
Aeryn: I knew that here (pointing to her head) but here (pointing to her heart) was not ready to accept that.
She laid her head back on his shoulder. John rested his chin against her silky raven hair.
John: We are passed that.
She lifted her head and looked at him.
Aeryn: I am sorry for shutting you out when I first came back to Moya. It is just that when I looked at you all I could see was him. Or a substitute for him and I could not take it in. The enormity of the loss and the joy of seeing your face when I stepped off that pod. It was all so overwhelming. Everything inside me just shut down.
John: Do you still see a substitute of the man you loved when you look at me?
She turned her body towards him. She reached her hand out and touched his cheek.
Aeryn: I see John Crichton. The man that I love and SOON the father of my son.
John took her hand in his. He kissed the back of it and pulled her to him. She laid her head back on his shoulder.
John: Apology accepted.
He kissed the top of her head.
John: (The gravity of what she said hit him.) How soon?
Aeryn: As soon as we find medical assistance that we can trust.
John sat bolt upright.
John: Are you sure?
Aeryn lifted her head and looked in his eyes.
Aeryn: I think he has waited long enough. What do you think?
John: I thought you wanted things to be right, settled, safe?
Aeryn: He can not stay in there forever. This is as settled as our lives are ever going to be.
She moved onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Aeryn: We have never felt more right. He will never be safer than wrapped in these arms. (She took his arms and wrapped them around her waist.) But if you are not sure we can wait until you are but I have to tell you I am very anxious to meet him. To know the person he will become. If you are not ready for this then we can wait.
John: (smiling slightly) You must be kidding. I only wish I had cigars to pass out.
Aeryn tuned up her face.
Aeryn: Cigars?
John: Human speak for it is a boy.
Aeryn: Oh.
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. They hugged.