Iris: Sorry I didn't update over the past few months but I had completely
lost the point of this story because of summer and everything that happened
but I'm back and that's it.
Crimson Vision
Chapter 11: Hanging by a Moment
Lost, unwanted, confused.
I stand alone in darkness.
I have no hope and I have no help.
I am alone in darkness.
I started this with nothing and I'll end it with nothing. There's no holding me back now.
I live alone in darkness.
I know no one yet everyone knows me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I don't know why but I'm almost afraid to open my eyes. Still curled up in the darkness of the small cave I assumed that the daylight had returned so there was nowhere for me to go. I could hear the footsteps of Amy coming into the cave. She stopped behind me and that was it. Knowing her she probably pitied my cowardly behavior and how I ran from town terrified of mere beings. What else could I do? It was obvious that I had gone insane. That serpent with its riddles and that raven with it's illusions. they were the cause of all this. and now there's nothing I can do except cower in this cave and perhaps die here. But knowing Amy she wouldn't allow that to happen. Gently she tapped me on the shoulder. I remained silent and still. Amy shook me a bit but I still remained still.
"Please don't do it Amy." I begged in the back of my mind. "Leave it be and let me die here."
A few more gentle shoves from Amy and I brushed her away with my hand and tried to sleep. I heard her groan in frustration and she finally got my attention.
"Shadow get up!" she said angrily. "I know things are at its worst but that doesn't mean you can lie here as if nothing ever happened. You have to go back there and make things right."
My body bolted up and faced Amy as I spouted out, "And how am I suppose to do that!? Sonic is pissed off at me for some reason and that damn serpent and raven constantly invade my mind and they wont go away!"
"Maybe they're trying to tell you something." Amy suggested.
I scoffed and turned away; load of B.S. that is. What is a serpent who wants me to kill myself and a raven who gives me horrifying illusions trying to tell me? That I should die before a monster comes and tries to kill me? That'll be the day. All I want to do is forget this and start over, this town was never good enough for me in the first place anyway.
"Shadow," Amy began again. "I understand that you are angry about all of this but if you just let me help-"
I had slapped her away cutting her off. How could she possibly understand my pain and suffering? She couldn't. In fact no one can and ever will. Slowly I stood up and stalked towards Amy as she pressed herself against the cold wall. Fear was on her face although I didn't want to make her scared of me, it was the only way to let her know.
"No one," I began, "not even you will ever understand what it feels like to be alone, unwanted, and hated by those who have never done anything to you. Only Shadow the Hedgehog knows and there is only one Shadow and that is me. I stand alone in this world and I will remain alone. The only reason I ever let you stay with me was that I thought you could truly help me. But it seems you are like anyone else: all talk and very little action."
Amy seemed speechless at fist but then I could see she was trying to say something to me but was afraid. At this point I didn't care about what she had to say and turned away from her. I heard her stood up slipping a bit and then she spoke.
"Shadow I won't give up on you yet." Here she goes again. "So what if I don't understand what you're going through the least you can do is let me back in. Maybe we may actually get somewhere in finding out your past."
I wasn't sure what drove me to attack Amy but that's the next thing I did. I had spun around and punched the hedgehog hard enough for her to stumble back into the rock wall. She had reminded me of what started this whole mess: My past and her curiosity to finding out about it. I will admit I myself was curious but I knew when to back off and let it stay unknown. But as soon as Amy came into my life everything went downhill from there. The frequent fights with Sonic, Tails' death, and the serpent and the raven. All of these things wouldn't have happened if Amy hadn't pushed me.
Now that I know the root of all of this there was only one thing left for me to do and that was get rid of it. I had to drive Amy away from me, even if it meant killing her.
"It was you all along." I said menacingly towards Amy. "You were the reason everything went wrong, you were why I went insane. It's a shame I didn't see it earlier, I could've bitten you and probably killed you afterwards. But I won't do it know. I've done enough killing to last me years so I'll do the next best thing."
Suddenly anger overpowered me as I yanked out a piece of rock from the wall and chucked it at Amy. It was cruel but it got her moving. She tried to defend herself by apologizing but her words fell on deaf ears. I did whatever I could to drive her away. Fighting, glaring, hissing, showing my fangs to her. Finally it worked and she ran out sobbing, her last words being:
"How could you Shadow? After everything I did for you."
She was gone, out of my life for good. This was something worth celebrating so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my last cigarette and lit it with my last match. One inhale from the drug and I was calm and cool and rested in the corner of the cave.
The daylight hours rolled on by and then the night came. I decided to leave the comfort of the cave to see the peaceful darkness I missed so much. Slowly I climbed out and took in the scenery of the wilderness. The crickets cried from the grass and an owl's unsettling hooting echoed in the distance. I walked into a nearby forest for no reason. I just had to walk somewhere even though I wouldn't be able to feed off of any life out here. I assumed that Amy had gone back to town, back to Sonic who's probably worried sick out about her now. Well at least two more good things came out of my actions; no more Sonic and no more worries for him. He can leave this place and forget about me.
I continued to think of more positives from this situation unaware of the fact that I was still walking deeper into the forest. Suddenly I stumbled on something bringing me back to reality. Looking down I saw a tattered old bag with something silver inside of it. Not even thinking I bent over and unveiled the object, which happened to be a gun, a fairly new one from the looks of it. But how did it get all the way out here? Strangely I found myself examining the weapon. It was still in good shape and still had some bullets in it, five to be exact. But then disturbing thoughts rushed through my mind; thoughts of what I could possibly do with this weapon. Perhaps kill Sonic and maybe Amy or murder one more irrelevant being. These gruesome thoughts continued coming into my head until the one sensible idea finally arrived: kill myself. I would've lived for nothing but it would be better than to deal with this.
Lying on my back I held the gun in my hands and stared into the night sky. It was clear and partially full of stars but the moon hung over me assuring that the stars would not be the only witness to my death. And since I was going to die very soon the last thing I wanted to do was remember life the way it was, before Amy. The dark cold nights alone in my home with only the emptiness to keep me company is what I considered a pleasant evening. My nights out on the town feeding off of who ever I searched down was my quiet dinner alone. The trips I took up to the Mysterious Room only to wake up in pain were my daily troubles. In my opinion the only job I ever held was the non-existent job where I didn't exist in the eyes of the beings.
That was my average life, the life I threw away all because of that room. I even began to miss the pain it caused me.the pleasure I felt in it. But now I had to say goodbye to all of that, there's no turning back for me, no changing my mind. I expected myself to just shoot me in the head at point blank range, but I didn't. Instead I stood up and paced around in a circle still holding the gun. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. At least that's what my self-conscious was saying. As much as I wanted to die I just couldn't, something was holding me back, delaying me if you will. But I was determined and nothing was going to stop me now.
I figured that I was just afraid of the pain I would suffer.yeah that was it. I feared the pain that would come even though I'd be dead. I placed the gun onto the ground and searched for a sharp object. Something I could use to inflict pain upon myself to make my suicide easier. I was able to find a sharp rock under the dirt and picked that up. Making sure that it was sharp enough to cut me I made a small slit in my arm. Blood seeped out and a smile grew on my face. Raising the object above me I made no hesitation in making the second slit in my right arm. More blood came out and a sudden flame of excitement came over me.
Cuts turned into slits, slits turned into slashes. Soon both of my arms were bloody and the rock itself was too. Even though sharp pains coursed through them I didn't care. It didn't phase me because an even greater pain would course through my head in a matter of seconds. I struggled to pick up the gun from the ground and went back to my horizontal position staring into the sky. But something else stopped me again. The moon. I gazed into it and realized that it-no- she was always watching me on my nights out. She was the only one that helped me survive. Lighting the darkest alleys and always shining down on my home to keep me company. I'm sure the moon would miss me dearly but she knows what I've been through, she's seen everything. Although there are many stars to keep her company.at least she knows how I feel. The moon will always remember me and I will remember it as well.
Finally the time came where I had to end this. No more fooling around, no more delays. This was it. I thought I would just go ahead and shoot myself point blank in the head, but I decided to play a little Russian Roulette only there would be five bullets making my chance of survival slim.just the way I wanted it. I spun the revolver on the gun and pointed it to my head once it stopped. Closing my eyes my finger slipped onto the trigger and I muttered my last words:
"This is how it ends.and no one will ever know."
Crimson Vision
Chapter 11: Hanging by a Moment
Lost, unwanted, confused.
I stand alone in darkness.
I have no hope and I have no help.
I am alone in darkness.
I started this with nothing and I'll end it with nothing. There's no holding me back now.
I live alone in darkness.
I know no one yet everyone knows me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I don't know why but I'm almost afraid to open my eyes. Still curled up in the darkness of the small cave I assumed that the daylight had returned so there was nowhere for me to go. I could hear the footsteps of Amy coming into the cave. She stopped behind me and that was it. Knowing her she probably pitied my cowardly behavior and how I ran from town terrified of mere beings. What else could I do? It was obvious that I had gone insane. That serpent with its riddles and that raven with it's illusions. they were the cause of all this. and now there's nothing I can do except cower in this cave and perhaps die here. But knowing Amy she wouldn't allow that to happen. Gently she tapped me on the shoulder. I remained silent and still. Amy shook me a bit but I still remained still.
"Please don't do it Amy." I begged in the back of my mind. "Leave it be and let me die here."
A few more gentle shoves from Amy and I brushed her away with my hand and tried to sleep. I heard her groan in frustration and she finally got my attention.
"Shadow get up!" she said angrily. "I know things are at its worst but that doesn't mean you can lie here as if nothing ever happened. You have to go back there and make things right."
My body bolted up and faced Amy as I spouted out, "And how am I suppose to do that!? Sonic is pissed off at me for some reason and that damn serpent and raven constantly invade my mind and they wont go away!"
"Maybe they're trying to tell you something." Amy suggested.
I scoffed and turned away; load of B.S. that is. What is a serpent who wants me to kill myself and a raven who gives me horrifying illusions trying to tell me? That I should die before a monster comes and tries to kill me? That'll be the day. All I want to do is forget this and start over, this town was never good enough for me in the first place anyway.
"Shadow," Amy began again. "I understand that you are angry about all of this but if you just let me help-"
I had slapped her away cutting her off. How could she possibly understand my pain and suffering? She couldn't. In fact no one can and ever will. Slowly I stood up and stalked towards Amy as she pressed herself against the cold wall. Fear was on her face although I didn't want to make her scared of me, it was the only way to let her know.
"No one," I began, "not even you will ever understand what it feels like to be alone, unwanted, and hated by those who have never done anything to you. Only Shadow the Hedgehog knows and there is only one Shadow and that is me. I stand alone in this world and I will remain alone. The only reason I ever let you stay with me was that I thought you could truly help me. But it seems you are like anyone else: all talk and very little action."
Amy seemed speechless at fist but then I could see she was trying to say something to me but was afraid. At this point I didn't care about what she had to say and turned away from her. I heard her stood up slipping a bit and then she spoke.
"Shadow I won't give up on you yet." Here she goes again. "So what if I don't understand what you're going through the least you can do is let me back in. Maybe we may actually get somewhere in finding out your past."
I wasn't sure what drove me to attack Amy but that's the next thing I did. I had spun around and punched the hedgehog hard enough for her to stumble back into the rock wall. She had reminded me of what started this whole mess: My past and her curiosity to finding out about it. I will admit I myself was curious but I knew when to back off and let it stay unknown. But as soon as Amy came into my life everything went downhill from there. The frequent fights with Sonic, Tails' death, and the serpent and the raven. All of these things wouldn't have happened if Amy hadn't pushed me.
Now that I know the root of all of this there was only one thing left for me to do and that was get rid of it. I had to drive Amy away from me, even if it meant killing her.
"It was you all along." I said menacingly towards Amy. "You were the reason everything went wrong, you were why I went insane. It's a shame I didn't see it earlier, I could've bitten you and probably killed you afterwards. But I won't do it know. I've done enough killing to last me years so I'll do the next best thing."
Suddenly anger overpowered me as I yanked out a piece of rock from the wall and chucked it at Amy. It was cruel but it got her moving. She tried to defend herself by apologizing but her words fell on deaf ears. I did whatever I could to drive her away. Fighting, glaring, hissing, showing my fangs to her. Finally it worked and she ran out sobbing, her last words being:
"How could you Shadow? After everything I did for you."
She was gone, out of my life for good. This was something worth celebrating so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my last cigarette and lit it with my last match. One inhale from the drug and I was calm and cool and rested in the corner of the cave.
The daylight hours rolled on by and then the night came. I decided to leave the comfort of the cave to see the peaceful darkness I missed so much. Slowly I climbed out and took in the scenery of the wilderness. The crickets cried from the grass and an owl's unsettling hooting echoed in the distance. I walked into a nearby forest for no reason. I just had to walk somewhere even though I wouldn't be able to feed off of any life out here. I assumed that Amy had gone back to town, back to Sonic who's probably worried sick out about her now. Well at least two more good things came out of my actions; no more Sonic and no more worries for him. He can leave this place and forget about me.
I continued to think of more positives from this situation unaware of the fact that I was still walking deeper into the forest. Suddenly I stumbled on something bringing me back to reality. Looking down I saw a tattered old bag with something silver inside of it. Not even thinking I bent over and unveiled the object, which happened to be a gun, a fairly new one from the looks of it. But how did it get all the way out here? Strangely I found myself examining the weapon. It was still in good shape and still had some bullets in it, five to be exact. But then disturbing thoughts rushed through my mind; thoughts of what I could possibly do with this weapon. Perhaps kill Sonic and maybe Amy or murder one more irrelevant being. These gruesome thoughts continued coming into my head until the one sensible idea finally arrived: kill myself. I would've lived for nothing but it would be better than to deal with this.
Lying on my back I held the gun in my hands and stared into the night sky. It was clear and partially full of stars but the moon hung over me assuring that the stars would not be the only witness to my death. And since I was going to die very soon the last thing I wanted to do was remember life the way it was, before Amy. The dark cold nights alone in my home with only the emptiness to keep me company is what I considered a pleasant evening. My nights out on the town feeding off of who ever I searched down was my quiet dinner alone. The trips I took up to the Mysterious Room only to wake up in pain were my daily troubles. In my opinion the only job I ever held was the non-existent job where I didn't exist in the eyes of the beings.
That was my average life, the life I threw away all because of that room. I even began to miss the pain it caused me.the pleasure I felt in it. But now I had to say goodbye to all of that, there's no turning back for me, no changing my mind. I expected myself to just shoot me in the head at point blank range, but I didn't. Instead I stood up and paced around in a circle still holding the gun. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. At least that's what my self-conscious was saying. As much as I wanted to die I just couldn't, something was holding me back, delaying me if you will. But I was determined and nothing was going to stop me now.
I figured that I was just afraid of the pain I would suffer.yeah that was it. I feared the pain that would come even though I'd be dead. I placed the gun onto the ground and searched for a sharp object. Something I could use to inflict pain upon myself to make my suicide easier. I was able to find a sharp rock under the dirt and picked that up. Making sure that it was sharp enough to cut me I made a small slit in my arm. Blood seeped out and a smile grew on my face. Raising the object above me I made no hesitation in making the second slit in my right arm. More blood came out and a sudden flame of excitement came over me.
Cuts turned into slits, slits turned into slashes. Soon both of my arms were bloody and the rock itself was too. Even though sharp pains coursed through them I didn't care. It didn't phase me because an even greater pain would course through my head in a matter of seconds. I struggled to pick up the gun from the ground and went back to my horizontal position staring into the sky. But something else stopped me again. The moon. I gazed into it and realized that it-no- she was always watching me on my nights out. She was the only one that helped me survive. Lighting the darkest alleys and always shining down on my home to keep me company. I'm sure the moon would miss me dearly but she knows what I've been through, she's seen everything. Although there are many stars to keep her company.at least she knows how I feel. The moon will always remember me and I will remember it as well.
Finally the time came where I had to end this. No more fooling around, no more delays. This was it. I thought I would just go ahead and shoot myself point blank in the head, but I decided to play a little Russian Roulette only there would be five bullets making my chance of survival slim.just the way I wanted it. I spun the revolver on the gun and pointed it to my head once it stopped. Closing my eyes my finger slipped onto the trigger and I muttered my last words:
"This is how it ends.and no one will ever know."