Disclaimer: All characters of FF8 belong to Squaresoft. No infringement is intended.
Scars that never fade
"Even though I wish to be with you, I know I can't. I've come to realize that we live at two opposite sides of the card. The differences that separate us are too vast to cross. I am the sorceress and you are the leader of the SeeDs. I myself find it funny how I have become a SeeD, even though I 'm a sorceress. Squall; just remember that I'm doing this for our sake. I can't stand to see you in danger anymore. I'm sorry but I must leave. I'm sorry. Goodbye."
Maria took in a deep breath as she put down the pen and closed the letter. She felt that this was the only thing left for her to do. She knew that it would only be perilous if they continued living this way. This was the only thing she can think of.
"This is the only way to save you…."
"And me."
"Goodbye"
She took one last glimpse of her prince, who looked so peaceful while in slumber. Watching him made her suffer in guilt. It ate her inside, breaking down the courage she has accumulated just to have the guts to leave. But it cannot be helped. She must face her ordeal alone, so as not to involve any other people. Besides it was better off dead than to see swarms of bodies around you, dying one by one just by protecting you. Her life for a million --- it wasn't too much to spare.
As she closed the sliding doors, she hoped that he would understand her decision. It was a decision she had to make to decide their fate. A faint smile emerged from her lips at the last sight of him. Her hopes of bondage have now dissolved into division.
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She didn't know for sure where she was to go. She went only where her feet dragged her, not knowing where she would end up. But one thing was for sure; she wanted to go as far as possible from him. It wouldn't matter where she would be but Squall ---- every moment he carries with him a time bomb, ready to explode and put him to peril in an unknown date and time. But now, it was time to throw it somewhere far. Far from anyone who can be hurt.
The maelstrom in her mind seemed to have animated itself as a blizzard blew amongst the region. Maria tried to warm herself by tightening the robe she had. But it could barely warm her. She tried to cast a fire spell but found it futile. The blizzard was so strong that that she could barely stand up.
She fell to the ground, knees first. She was still hugging herself, trying to drive away the cold that she felt in her body and mind. She faltered not because of her body, but because of her mind. The thoughts of loneliness that she had for the both of them ate her inside. She knew that both of them had experienced terrible loneliness in the past, and they would never want to feel it again. But she had no choice. She was trapped in the realism that their love is forbidden.
A tear fell from her eye, lamenting for the fate that she had assumed. She wanted to die right there, so as to end the suffering that she had even before this. But no---- she can't die. She wanted to be with him forever. But when? When will they ever have the chance? Or will they have a chance? Probably not this lifetime.
"Squall…."
She called out his name before darkness descended upon her.
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"Maria… Maria, where are you?"
This was the first thing he said as soon as he woke up and realized that she was nowhere to be found. Maria wouldn't run off like that without his consent at least. But now she had disappeared just like a bubble. But where can she be? There was no place for her to go. It was only the vast snowfield that can welcome her. And in this blizzard, surely no one can go to the neighboring towns.
Squall paused for a moment and sat down at the sofa. He found himself an old gesture ---- putting his hand over his forehead that would usually be enclosed with a frown. A question kept repeating itself in his mind "Where are you". He never knew where to start finding her…the blizzard had caused the fields impassable. And the temperature was extremely cold. How can she survive? He felt helpless, not capable of doing anything to find his beloved.
He hated it but he had to depend on one thing.
Hope.
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She felt her fingers jerk, indicating that she was still alive. How the last thing that she remembered was faltering in the middle of the snowfield. Who saved her?
She opened her eyes, with the sight of fire welcoming her. She was in a house but who could possibly save her? She looked at her skin that looked a pale blue. Had she stayed there longer, she might've died of hypothermia.
Where was she anyway?
She looked around and noticed that it had barely anything in it. All that was visible was the fireplace. Now, how could someone actually survive with fire alone? From her position, she could see the sunlight that means the blizzard had more or less subsided.
She wanted to leave. She wanted to go on and continue her journey. She very well knew that it wasn't that far from where she left. She wanted to go far away. But her fatigue ceased her. She couldn't do so much as to stand. It was like something heavy was put in her back, stopping her from doing anything.
But she forced herself up, fighting the fatigue. The moment she got up, she hurriedly leaned again on the wall. She gasped, letting out long, cold heavy breaths. Slowly, she started to walk to the exit of the house while keeping one hand to the wall.
"I have to go out…leave…"
Her mind was like a computer; constantly reiterating the same thins until it was done. It was annoying, for little voices in her mind pressured her to reach the exit as soon as possible. When she was just a "few" steps away, she heard a voice. A voice so familiar.
"You won't be going anywhere."
That strong and firm voice…she knew she heard it before. She looked back and saw who it was. To her amazement and shock, he was someone very close to her. The silver trench coat, that blonde hair and jade eyes and that gunblade ---- it can only be one person. The person that she was finding.
"Seifer!" She exclaimed in joy, forgetting all that pain and exhaustion. "I'm so glad---"
Her rejoicing was cut short with that expression that Seifer had. He looked so cold and cruel. His eyes betrayed nothing but anger. Maria knew not why but she did take it seriously.
"Well…if it isn't my dear sister…how have you been this past year?" Seifer asked as he neared Maria. He saw her eyes suddenly change. A smile made its way through his lips. It was hard to tell if it was real nor not.
She stood up straight and took a few steps backward. It was unusual, but Seifer's proximity made her fell uneasy. She stopped, thinking of the right thing to say or do. She was getting nervous in the midst of her brother. It was really weird, because all those times she had been searching for him. And now that she has found him, she didn't feel happy. All she felt was doubt.
"Not too well…" her voice was subdued, and can even be considered as a whisper. It was clearly noticeable that she was nervous, with her eyes showing that fear. And her hands were getting extremely cold, letting have a paler color. If one weren't paying too much attention, she'd be mistaken to as the dead.
"That's too bad. What bring you to the cold Trabian region? Now, I suppose you're not here on vacation aren't you?" He stepped forward, making her take another step backward. His question had no true feeling in it --- just a tinge of sarcasm.
Her eyes quivered as met Seifer's jade eyes. She felt a slight tightening in her throat, feeling an unusual feeling of uneasiness that she never had before. This conversation wasn't a nice one to her. She had doubts in her mind, if this man was really her sibling.
"I was searching for you…but in the end you ended up finding me!" A fake smiled formed itself in her face. She leaned at the wooden wall for support. Seifer refused to tear his gaze from her.
"Really? I don't think so."
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Squall was walking back and forth around the house, a thing that he had rarely done. This was the first time that he felt so worried--- so worried about someone else. All his life, his only worry was his survival. His only struggle was how to win those hard battles and how to get through a day full of miserable people and words.
Then there was a knock at the door. The feeling of relief came back to him as he approached the sliding door. At least, he knew now that she was safe. Or was she? As he opened the door, his hope died out.
"Carrie?" Squall greeted the girl with interrogation rather than welcoming her. He opened the door wider to let her come inside.
"What is it?" He wasted no time and asked her straight to the point. He was 'annoyed' at her sudden appearance. She chose a perfect time to show up, just when things weren't going smoothly.
"I know you're not going to like this." Carrie watched the expression from Squall's face quickly change. She ignored it and went back to her business despite the growing uneasiness in her. She straightened herself and cleared her throat, an act to cover up the fear building in her.
"Miss Maria has conditionally surrendered to the Galbadians."
Squall's eyes widened. He found the words Carrie spoke of as unbelievable. He refused to believe that this was true. By doing this, Maria is subject to everything that Galbadia wishes. Just the mere thought of it made him so mad.
"Her words. Read it." She pointed out to the area of the house where a small table was placed. On top of it was a blue shawl, and beneath it was a letter.
Squall quickly did what the girl has told him and got the letter. He first hesitated to open it, thinking that this event couldn't be true. But when the urge to know overpowered his doubts, he finally opened the letter. Genuinely, it was Maria's writing with the neatness and everything. Reading her words made his heart constrict with a combined feeling of nervousness and guilt. She has been keeping her feelings all along.
"Judging from the weather, they couldn't have taken her too far. I think there's another vacant house not too far from here. I believe it's in the northwest. They should be there." Her words became reportorial again, like nothing has happened.
He quickly took note of her words and hurriedly picked up the shawl that was formerly placed on top of the letter. He quickly ran to get his gunblade that was placed behind the front door. He quickly left even without saying farewell to his guest. He seemed to be in some sort of trance.
As the vision of the leader left, the girl smiled sinisterly. Her plan was almost complete. She laughed at the worried look on Squall's face. She never expected him to react quickly even without reconsideration. Oh, what wonders love could bring.
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She sat near the fire, gazing through the window that brought her only the vision of the azure sky. Seifer had left her there, telling to sort out her mind. But she knew the truth that he was going to use her to get to Squall. She never knew why he had to, but still did not dare to ask her sibling. Why does he have to get Squall? Revenge? Probably, but why? Ultimecia was long gone now and she saw no point for him in doing so. What does he have in mind?
Her mind was plagued with questions. With every infinite possibility hat occurs to her, it also entails some sort of question. In her mind was an endless cycle of thoughts, but no true idea came into full form. Every new idea blemishes the other until no true meaning was met.
She tried to avert from her muddled thoughts. She reached into her sleeve and got her concealed dagger. She looked at it, marveling at the elegantly crafted weapon. It wasn't that eye catching but it had an elegance of its own that depend on the holder's view. Now, she had considered its usage than its beauty. Now, it was a tool for her and not an item of luxury.
As she looked at it, she wondered where the item might come into play. But a subdued voice in her mind wished that she would never had to use it. She could never imagine her 'beloved' asset draw blood. If it does, then the stain goes with her as well.
Her silent reverie was broken by a sound of footsteps going her way. She hid the dagger in her sleeves once again. She pretended to be thinking.
The sliding doors moved open and behind it stood her brother and a girl. This girl had a striking resemblance to one of the people Maria knew. She doubted the messages her brain sent her. But when she was close enough, she knew her senses did not fail her. There has been a traitor in their midst.
"Your knight is coming." The girl sarcastically told her. She spoke in a cleft manner, making her speech awfully familiar to an overgrown child. Her dagger shaped eyes peered over Maria spitefully, as if she was another of her foes.
"Traitor!" Maria stood up and mirrored Carrie's eye movement. In an act of pure fury, she shot a holy spell randomly. It spread throughout the room, and it almost hit Carrie. Carrie gave her own Firaga spell that threw Maria to the wall.
Carrie brushed at her sleeve while looking angrily at Maria. "No matter, you will suffer anyway." She said reassuringly as she tried to regain her self-control. Maria could see her anger surface over her sullen face. "'til we meet again, Leonhart." She turned her back signaling her departure. "That is, if we will meet again." She laughed as she exited the house. Maria could only look at her coldly.
Her sight returned to Seifer who merely said nothing about their conversation. He didn't look mad but there was something in him that sent a chill up her spine. Was it fear? Not exactly. There was something in his eyes that revealed his plan. She could tell that she was going to be used as an instrument for revenge, but in a way she could not fathom.
"Tell me. What do you have in mind?" Maria decided to break the silence between them. She wanted to know everything.
Seifer walked up near her until they cold see each other face-to-face. Her azure and his jade eyes met in an unlikely fashion. They were like two warriors contending for the same goal, sending silent notes before battle.
"Do you really want to know?" he paused for a while and waited for her reply. Finding out that she has no intention to speak, he still continued on to his words. "I'm going to show him a world of living hell. And that doesn't end there. I'm going to drive out his worst delirium and send him to oblivion once and for all." He spitefully said each word, emphasizing every word of torture that he mentioned.
Maria's eyes blazed now. He had done enough. He would not let him use her as a tool of vengeance that would be given to her love. All throughout the years, he had been able to do everything at his bidding while she was to remain a prisoner at her own home. This was the only happiness that she had, and he would never let him rob it from her just for a worthless vendetta. She would never let him do it. Not in this lifetime.
She quickly got her concealed dagger and unsheathed it. She got ready to fight off her only brother. But it didn't matter now; all that they were fighting for are their personal interest. This wasn't for a noble cause anymore, but more of their personal desires. Seifer wanted his self-redemption while Maria wanted her love. It was just inevitable for her to fight. No options were left
She ran to him, hoping that even a single wound would bring back Seifer's senses. She tried to slash him sideways, but Seifer was able to avoid the attack. He caught Maria's arm and twisted it over her back. She spat a cry of shock while Seifer continued to tighten his grip. He then got the dagger forcefully from her hands and threw her roughly to the floor, letting her cheek hit the hard ground first. The impact of the fall made her drool red blood.
"Don't hurry. There's lots of time to spare."
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The horizon gave no hope at all. Everything that can be seen was in white. Snow dominated the field, not letting anything be seen. She tucked the mountain under her white protection.
Squall trekked through the snowy mountain; keeping in mind the cue Carrie gave. That cue was of no certainty but still he went. In his mind was the single goal of finding Maria at all costs. Nothing can stop him. Not weather or anything.
In one of his hands, he held Maria's shawl. He knew not why he brought it but for sure it was a charm for him. It was a reminder that she was always with him, sharing his every triumph and pain.
But to what extent was he to go? This was the prevailing question over his mind. To what degree of pain was he to endure just for her? Was he ready to die for her? This was not a mission anymore. This has nothing to do with that sorceress and knight thing. This was his decision. This was actually the first time that he tried so hard to help someone. This was a testament of his change.
He had been walking for miles, kilometers, and the measure he cannot comprehend. Still, the horizon gave him no hope. All that he can see now was snow. No towns, no vacant houses, This was getting really bad. For a moment, he thought to go back.
No. Not now. Not when he was so far…
Another blizzard blew again. It was much stronger than the previous one, making the horizon look like a transparent curtain laden with snowflakes. The wind was constantly blowing to the opposite side, giving it the effect mentioned. This state was too much for humans to handle, with the fear of being buried in the accumulating snow or dying with hypothermia or losing a limb with frostbite.
But still Squall persisted to cross the icy terrain. He had no intention to stop until he finds Maria. He felt the cold, even with the thick layers of his outfit. He could barely see where he was to go due to the harsh winds that blew in opposition to him. He endured this hardship and continued to go regardless of his state. Her face was pale blue now and his hands, even under the protection of his gloves turned almost violet.
He faltered on the snow, hitting the snowy ground face first. He tried to quickly stand up, but to n avail, failed to do so. He had no energy to do anything anymore. No energy to move, no energy to think, even no energy to breathe. But the visions that he had, those visions of bliss that they have shortly shared motivated him.
He stood up, using his gunblade as some sort of cane. He knew not where his feet were dragging him, but he was left with no choice. With his sight blurred, he could only trust his instincts. He could only hope that the where his feet was dragging him was right.
In his mind, the visions of his momentary happiness reanimated his sight. All that he can see now was Maria's face, smiling at him and reaching out her hands to him. These visions kept him alive, for the moment. As he snapped out from his delirium, and opened his eyes, he saw a vacant house.
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"He's here…" Seifer said as he saw his opponent nearing his location. He could feel his adrenaline rushing. The feeling of excitement filled him as he readied himself to battle. He had anticipated this day when could finally redeem himself and let his rival feel the pain of hell.
Maria was startled with Seifer's remark. She knew for sure that Squall would be weakened even before he gets there. If he wasn't in his top condition, there was a big possibility that he would lose. And when he does, Seifer would kill him. And this, she could never let. She ran to her brother in an attempt to stop him.
"Please! There's no need to fight! I beg of you…please stop…." Maria pleaded as she held on to Seifer's trench coat. She held on to it roughly as if she had no plans to let it go.
Seifer took off her hands roughly and shoved her away violently, letting her hit the cold ground again. He could care less of what Maria thinks. All that matters is his revenge. And no one is going to stand in his way.
"You will not interfere! If you want to insist then I might as well kill you too. And I'd rather not do that." Seifer said coldly as he closed the door and left.
She was shocked of what he just said. This was a worthless vendetta. Squall had done him nothing wrong. It was his decision to side with the sorceress and therefore he must be ready to deal with anything that might come his way. If he was a true knight of Ultimecia, then he must know how to accept his defeat.
All he was now was a bloodthirsty person with no objective but to kill.
The sound of a clashing gunblade signaled the start of their battle.
The battle has begun. She can now hear the clashing of blades and voices shouting. She could not clearly discern whose voice it was and she had no intention of knowing who, this was a no-win situation to her. They are the most important men in her life, and she could not afford to lose either one.
The noise was getting louder. She covered her ears in a worthless attempt not to hear it. But still, she could hear it. She can clearly hear that one of them was losing. One of them was grunting in indescribable pain. One of them was dying and she could not take it. She had to do something, but no effective thoughts came to her. All that she can think of only leads to another conflict. There was only one thing left to do.
As she opened the deer, she saw that the one who was losing was Squall--- and this made her hear crumble. He was still standing but he was a bloody mess. She could clearly see how he struggled to stand up amidst the many wounds that he had. Patches of red stained his white shirt. In his eyes trailed red tears, depicting tortuous pain. She wanted to help, but how? Isn't there a safer way to do this?
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He could barely see, with that blood blurring his vision. But still, he managed to stand up and tried to fend off Seifer's attack. Seifer had become unusually agile and strong. It was like he could read every move that he was about to execute.
There was another attack from the left. Squall quickly raised his gunblade to block Seifer's attack. He was able to do so but Seifer kneed him squarely in the stomach, prompting him to spit a large amount of blood. He fell to his knees and then he could feel Seifer's fist held together in a double axe hit him in the back, sending his face first to the ground.
Even as he struggled to stand up again, fatigue won over him. He can't fight anymore. Too much strain was done to him and no energy was left to fight his adversary. Was he to die there? No. He still had to find Maria --- to see her at least. He can't die there now. Not now. He had to be with her, even for the last time.
With the little ounce of strength he had, he stood up and held his gunblade tightly in one hand. He had to kill Seifer if he wanted to be with her.
He ran to where he last knew Seifer was. A gut feeling told him that he was there, and there was no option left but to trust this instinct. He thrust his gunblade roughly in his position. He felt that he went through something. Was it Seifer? He noticed that he didn't even fight back. He pulled out his weapon that was now coated with red blood. But that couldn't be Seifer. And then he remembered….
It can't be…!
Maria and Seifer both lay to the ground, the latter, being unscathed and the former being mortally wounded. Seifer had fallen because Maria had pushed him before the blade could ever go near him. Maria on the other hand, was pierced roughly in the chest, staining her white outfit red. In her hand was her dagger, which was supposedly to be used to deliver Squall's deathblow.
Squall caught her before she hit the ground. He noticed too late what he has done. He could only watch her in his arms as she spent out her last moments.
Maria opened her eyes and it caused her to cry red blood. She felt Squall's tears drop into her face.
"I…. I don't deserve your tears…." A faint smile made its way into her face as she tried to wipe off the tears from his eyes. She noticed the background get darker. It was Seifer.
"You're…here too…. That's… so… great…"
"Why…? Why did you do that?"
"That's because…." She wanted to tell him why but couldn't do it anymore. She had no ability to speak anymore, no power to live. She was feeling cold now, meaning that her life was about to slip away from her. She wanted to tell them…. that she loved them both. If only they knew…
She had no option but to close her eyes, or else she would not have the chance. She never wanted her go in such a state.
"I'm still listening! Tell me, why?!" Seifer said in an attempt to avert his thoughts. No. She couldn't possibly be dead. This wasn't the outcome he had hoped.
"She's gone…" Squall said as she brushed her golden hair into her deaf ears.
The sky also wept for those who mourn. Snow gently descended from the heavens.
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Author's notes: I know I made Seifer so bad, but this is the only way to describe his ceaseless thirst for self-redemption. So, if you're a Seifer fan, I'm giving you my apologies.