Moby Weapon - Part II
"What'd I tell you, man?" Barret chuckled as the three combatants trudged onto the deck of the Highwind. "Told ya you'd be up here with us."
Vincent shook his head, utterly perplexed and vaguely dizzy.
"How...did that happen?"
"Better not to ask," Red replied wisely.
"'Specially 'cause we got us a pissed-off Ultimate Weapon breathin' down our #$#&*(@#%in' necks right now!" Barret shouted, barrelling into position.
The other two followed suit, and the fight began.
"What the hell?!" Barret exclaimed as the dreaded Ultima Beam engulfed the party.
"He did this several times during the last fight," Vincent informed the rest of the group calmly, prompting a long stream of profanities from Barret.
"I think we may need the help of higher powers," Red XIII announced, leaping forward and beginning a chant. Then... "TETRA DISASTER!"
"And let's hope it works this time."
"Whazzat, Vincent?"
"Nothing at all, Barret."
By this time used to an utter lack of heavens splitting in twain and raining fiery destruction, Ultimate Weapon was not worried. In this, he was mistaken...
"Ow..." he whimpered, or at least, did the Ultimate Weapon equivalent thereof, as Kjata, quite satisfied with a job well done, prepared to set back off to Summon Monster Land.
"Can you pass a message along to Bahamut for us?" Vincent called after him. Kjata turned in mid-air, his massive bull-head cocked to one side. Vincent thought for a moment. "Tell him, 'SCREW YOU, BAHAMUT!'"
Barret and Red XIII, and even Ultimate Weapon and Kjata stared at the dark- haired man for a time, shocked and dismayed by this outburst.
"Uhm...characterization, Vincent," Red XIII reminded him.
"This is a Rhianwen story," Vincent replied. "Characterization has no place within these four broken walls."
"Damn, you say the screwiest stuff," Barret commented with a shake of his head.
"Oh, no," Red XIII sighed. "While we were talking, Ultimate Weapon took to the skies again."
"#@*()#$@(*)#@&!*%#$^#$*&(@$&*(#$*&(^@$#^*&#@$&*^)*#&($@!!!" Barret howled enthusiastically before bolting from the deck to report this setback to Cid.
It is not necessary to describe the reaction of Cid upon receiving this news, nor is it necessary to go into description of the sort that has thus far been used of every attempted battle of the party with Ultimate Weapon. They all went much the same way. The party would hit him with the strongest spells that it had, would get their behinds well and truly kicked by the creatures formidable Ultima Beam, the party member that was the quickest would cast a hasty healing spell, and then, at some point, someone would decide that it was time to attempt a summon, usually Bahamut.
Sometimes Bahamut would come, and sometimes Bahamut would not. It would all depend on how much he had had to drink that day.
At any rate, the battle would always end the same way: when Ultimate Weapon felt that he had taken enough abuse for the time being, he would lift into the air with a beat of his mighty wings, and Cid, with an angry bellow, would follow closely on his massive purple tail, Barret cheering him on enthusiastically.
"Cid," Cloud ventured hesitantly after one such battle - the fifth or the sixth? Oh, he couldn't remember. What did it matter, anyway? "Cid, we're beginning to worry about you. You never eat anymore, you haven't slept a wink in nine days, heck, you haven't even touched your cigarettes! Not only that, but it's beginning to get to Barret, too! He's acting the same way you are! Is smiting this Weapon really that important?"
"Yes!" Cid snapped, glaring briefly at the young man.
"O-okay," Cloud nodded, backing away in fear.
Tifa, however, returned Cid's glare with one of her own.
"Alright, Cid, that's all well and good, but if it's so important, how is it that you haven't been part of a single battle against him?"
"Yeah, that's a really good point," Cloud noted with a frown.
"'Cause he's secretly in love with it!" Cait Sith hastened to theorize. "He feels compelled to pursue it, but he doesn't want to be a part of destroying it, because such a thing would kill him!"
Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, Vincent, Cid, Learner Pilot, the three random guys at that little desk thing, and even Yuffie from out in the hall, stared at him incredulously.
"Just a thought," the small cat shrugged.
"A stupid thought," Cid vocalized the primary opinion of everyone. Then he turned back to the steering-thingy. "And lookey who we've just run into! Alright, someone get up there!"
With a sigh, Cloud turned to leave.
"Who's coming with me this time?"
"Take me take me take me!" Cait Sith begged, only half-seriously. As such, he was less than entirely pleased when Cloud shrugged and motioned him to follow.
"It's your turn to come with us too, Yuffie," he announced as they stalked grimly past to the stairs.
With a philosophical shrug, she set down the garbage pail and bounced after them.
"Okay, if he doesn't die this time, I'm gonna kill him!" Cloud exclaimed severely.
Cait Sith tilted his head to the side adorably.
"Uh...what?"
"Never mind," the young man replied sheepishly.
"I think this guy hit you in the head a little too hard last time," Yuffie noted sadly, gesturing to Ultimate Weapon.
And it seemed that this pattern was not about to change. With a mighty sweep of his Ultimate Claws of Doom (tm), the creature sent the unfortunate group of three skittering in three different directions across the deck.
"...Ow," Cait Sith whimpered.
"Yeah, I hear that!" Cloud proclaimed. Both waited. Finally, Cloud continued. "That's your cue, Yuffie."
"What?"
"You're the only one carrying Restore Materia right now."
"Oh! Right!"
As she muttered a quick spell and each of the fighters found themselves feeling less 'smote,' Cloud readied himself to attack.
"Okay, I'm gonna try this one more time," he began ominously, "and if it doesn't work, I'm goin' up there! Hear that, Bahamut?! TERRA FLARE!"
This time, it seemed as though the luck of the group had changed. The heavens grew dark and ominous, overcast by the shadow of a Bahamut nearly half the size of the globe.
Ultimate weapon glanced about uneasily, wondering if this Bahamut of whom he had heard so much was finally going to show up. As he was wondering, though, a massive beam of energy shot down from those same darkened heavens and enveloped him.
"Ha-HAH!" Cait Sith laughed jubilantly. "It worked! No way he lived through that!"
The party watched with bated breath as the light faded. There sat - er, hovered - Ultimate Weapon, looking decidedly the worse for wear, but still very much alive.
"Dammit!" Yuffie howled. "Stop living, and DIE!"
With that, as though each reading the minds of the other two, they leapt as one and began...to put it artlessly, pummelling the crap out of Ultimate Weapon. In his weakened state, he hadn't the strength to deal with this for very long, and could do aught but fling them off with an angry shriek.
"Thump-thump-thump!' went our three warriors against the deck of the Highwind.
"Thump-thump-thump-thump!" went Cait Sith's Moogle as it bounced across the deck.
Then the massive creature began to rattle and shake (as opposed to 'shake, rattle and roll'), and it seemed to the slightly dishevelled party as though they had finally done it.
"Yeah!" Cloud shouted, pumping his fist triumphantly in the air.
His celebration was cut short, however, as it seemed that Ultimate Weapon had one last trick up his very large sleeve.
The air around him grew very white, and every object around him grew very dark. Before he knew what was happening, a very...shadowy looking Flare shot through the air and ended his gloating as he collapsed to the deck, unconscious just as Ultimate Weapon ceased to exist.
"Hoo, boy, that's gonna require a Band-aid (tm)," Cait Sith commented lamely as he crawled across the deck to his Moogle.
"Hey, cool! Our Enemy Skill picked that little trick up!"
"Uh...Yuffie? Cloud. In serious peril."
"Yeah, yeah, it sucks about Cloud, but he'll be okay. Wow! That's really gonna come in handy, isn't it?"
His little Moogle slumping forward in a manifestation of his own dismay, Cait Sith hopped down the stairs below deck to fetch Tifa.
"Oh, fine! I'll make sure he's alright," she called down the stairs after the cat and the Moogle. "Cloud?" she called softly, poking him. "Hey! Hey! Hey-hey! Hey!"
When this yielded no result, she opted for the much less fun method of a Phoenix Down.
"Ow..." Cloud muttered. "Ooh...someone turn down the sun! What the hell happened, anyway?"
"Well, that big mean thingie had something unexpected hiding in that big Weapon head of his. A self-destruct sort of thing that only took you out, I guess, because he's gone now...and he left a big crater behind him."
"Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, darting through the door and kneeling next to Cloud, who had managed to get himself up into a sitting position well enough to very much enjoy the sight of her...feminine charms bouncing beautifully as she ran. "Are you alright?!"
"I-I think I might be alright eventually," he murmured piteously. "But I may need someone to hold me until I recover."
Tifa sat back on her heels and glared at him.
"Cloud Strife, how stupid do you think I am?!"
"I-I don't..."
"Have a little more regard for my intelligence than that!"
Yuffie climbed to her feet, wanting nothing less than to direct the anger of a righteously indignant Tifa Lockheart towards herself.
"Hey, that's my cue. See yuh!"
With that, she went below deck, and Tifa and Cloud found themselves alone.
"Are you really mad at me, Tifa?" the young man asked with a sigh.
"Oh, I think I might forgive you...provided you make it up to me...some way..."
Strength miraculously recovered, Cloud sat bolt upright.
"I think I can come up with a way..."
"YEAH! He's dead! We did it! WE DID IT!" Cid howled triumphantly, dancing about the crater left by the explosion of Weapon as a man possessed, followed closely by Barret.
From the deck of the Highwind, the entire group collectively sweatdropped as together they launched into a ghastly duet rendition of 'We Are the Champions.'
"Hey, Cid," Cloud called tentatively. Nothing. "Uh...Barret?"
"Yeah? Wha's up?"
"Uh...if Ultimate Weapon is dead, we can...go back to normal, right?"
With a shrug, Barret climbed back aboard the Highwind.
"Yeah, yer right. Don' wanna start actin' like a damn fool kid."
Tifa nodded in satisfaction.
"I'm glad you feel that way, Barret. I just wish Cid agreed."
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!"
"Hey, Cid!" Cloud tried again. "Cid!"
"WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TILL THE END!"
"Gawd, is he STILL at it?" Yuffie demanded with a sigh, wandering onto the airship's deck.
"Yes, he is," Tifa replied wearily.
The younger girl shook her head.
"Isn't there some way to break him out of this?"
The instant she said it, it became clear to all that she had made a mistake. A gleam lit up Tifa's eye, and the air around her nearly crackled with electricity.
"Yes, I think there is," she murmured. "Cloud! How far are we from Rocket Town?"
"Uh...'bout four or five hour's travel, I think," the young man replied, an eyebrow raised.
"Less than that by Chocobo, right?"
"Yeah, that should cut it down to a couple hours."
Tifa smiled to herself.
"Wonderful. Yuffie, we have a little errand to run."
"What?! You two can't just take off!"
With a sigh, she put an arm around Cloud.
"Listen, Cloud, do you want Cid back or not? If we don't do this, our being away won't matter at all, because Cid will never, never stop singing that song!"
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
Cloud slumped forward in dismay.
"Okay, I see your point. Just...hurry back, alright?"
"Sure thing," Yuffie agreed, bouncing up and down at Tifa's side like a child eager to go on a favourite ride at a carnival.
"Wha's wit' you?" Barret asked, amused.
"I get to leave this stupid ship for a while!" she replied with a grin that could have lit up a darkened room in the sheer gladness radiating from it.
"I must admit, I envy you both that," Red XIII sighed.
"Why don't you come with us, Red?" Tifa suggested. "You can run alongside the Chocobos."
"I think I will," he replied, much relieved.
"So, does anyone else want to come with us?" Tifa inquired with a chuckle.
Cloud thought for a moment.
"Naw, I think a couple of us should stay here and make sure Cid doesn't hurt himself."
"Shit, I don't mind stayin,'" Barret shrugged.
"Staying where?" Vincent inquired, choosing that moment to join everyone else on deck.
"With the Highwind while those three run some errand in Rocket Town," Cloud explained, gesturing to Tifa, Red XIII, and Yuffie.
"Ah. What is the errand?"
"Well," Tifa began with a grin, "we want something that will be able to snap Cid out of this victory-induced hysteria, right?"
"Presumably..."
"NO TIME FOR LOSERS, 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS..."
"Definitely," Vincent amended with a sigh as Cid bellowed out another throat-splitting line.
"So, who lives in Rocket Town that might be able to do that?"
Vincent shook his head blankly, but others caught on.
"Oh, yeah! I get it now! If she can't help him, nothing can. Great idea, Tifa!"
Tifa beamed.
"Thank-you, Yuffie."
Cloud's stare was as blank as Vincent's.
"Uh...I don't get it. What's a great idea?"
"You'll just have to wait and see," Tifa informed him as the three left to prepare for the short trip.
"Women," Cloud sighed.
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!"
"Oh! Hello, Tifa!" Shera greeted the younger woman warmly. "And I see that Red XIII and Yuffie are here as well," she continued, peeking around Tifa to where Yuffie had now begun to attempt different means of keeping that damned Chocobo still while she tied him to the fence outside.
Unfortunately, when an animal is bred specifically to hold the weight of a human, a particularly small person throwing their entire weight against it will do little to keep it in place. Red XIII was attempting to assist such as he could by grabbing the rope between his teeth, but they were having an altogether miserable experience.
"Hello, Shera," Tifa greeted, pointedly ignoring the shouts of various words that both of her friends must have learned from Cid, drifting up the walk towards her.
"Would...would you like to come in for tea?" the lovely engineer offered, hoping that she didn't sound too eager. It was seldom, after all, that she had company, and it would be nice to talk to another woman for a time.
Tifa shook her head.
"No, but thank-you just the same, Shera. Actually, we're here because we need your help with something."
"Damn stupid bird!" Yuffie shouted at the Chocobo as the rope, once again, slipped from her grasp.
Shera frowned.
"My help? Whatever with?"
"Stay where I put you, you #(*$#@#@ing thing!"
"Yuffie! Language!" Red XIII exclaimed, horrified.
"Shut up!"
With a sigh, Tifa continued.
"Well, recently, we had an...encounter with the creature known as Ultimate Weapon."
"Ultimate Weapon?" Shera echoed.
"#)#@&*()$#&(*@&)&*$#()@()*&!!!" the Son of Seto bellowed as he received a particularly painful kick to the head.
"Red!" Yuffie exclaimed. "Language!"
"Shut up!" Red XIII retorted.
Shera smiled fondly at the antics of the two.
"Would you like to talk inside?"
"Please," Tifa replied through gritted teeth.
Shera shifted slightly in her chair, leaning forward with her elbows propped on the kitchen table.
"So, every time you tried to fight it, it ran away?"
Tifa nodded, glancing absently out the kitchen window as a chocobo careened past with a small, dark-haired girl half on it and half off of it, clinging to its neck frantically, and a canine creature with shaggy red fur, the harness rope gripped in its teeth, being dragged along behind. She quickly turned her attention back to Shera.
"Yes."
"Which sparked an obsession in the Captain?"
"To put it lightly."
"Oh, dear..."
"Well, eventually, we managed to defeat it."
"That's...good, right?"
"It would be ordinarily. But now that it's dead, we can't seem to stop Cid from dancing around the crater it left, singing loudly and badly."
"Oh, no..."
"Nothing will snap him out of it!"
"That's horrible! But, Tifa, where do I come in?"
A smile spread itself across Tifa's face that frightened Shera more than a little.
"I was hoping you'd ask."
She climbed from her chair, walked around the table to where the older woman sat, leaned down, and whispered something in her ear. The next moment, Shera's expression registered shock.
"Oh, no! Tifa, I could never..."
"Of course you could," Tifa replied sternly.
"But...that's so..."
"Brilliant?"
Shera sighed. She knew when she had been beaten, and when faced with a Tifa Lockheart who had gotten an idea planted in her mind was one of those times.
"I...I suppose I don't have a choice," she finally said, a tiny smile curving up the corners of her full, pink lips slightly. After all, it might not be so bad...
"Hey, fellas," Cait Sith called to Barret and Vincent, who were engrossed in the task of trying to drag Cid away before he could attack the remaining scraps of Ultimate Weapon and bust them into even tinier scraps. "They're back! And they've got...Shera with them!"
"Shera?" Cloud echoed, temporarily forgetting that he was supposed to be holding the door open for his friends. He let go of the door, which swung shut directly onto a very angry Cid's head, and jogged over to the deck of the Highwind, and peered in the direction that the little cat was pointing. "Hey, yeah! What's she doing here?" Then he blinked. "And why are Red XIII and Yuffie all bandaged up like that?"
Cait Sith shrugged his tiny cat-shoulders.
"Dunno. Let's go find out what the heck's going on!"
"Deal."
With that, the young man and the Moogle-riding cat barrelled through the door, which knocked Cid, who had just managed to climb to his feet, back to the floor.
"#@$*()$#)*@&@%#@^@*&()$&)*#@!!!" he intoned calmly. Then, as Barret and Vincent followed Cloud and Cait Sith off of the ship, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully before leaping to his feet and darting after them. After all, he still had gloating left to do!
"Hiya, Shera," Cait Sith called, bounding up to the group.
"Hello," she replied with a small smile.
"So, whatcha doin' here?"
"I'm here to help Cid."
"How are you gonna do that?" Cloud wondered, scratching his head.
"Now, that's for us to know, and for you to find out ONLY if someone decides to tell you," Tifa informed him severely. "Come on, Shera. I'll help you get ready."
The two women set off for the ship, and Cloud turned to Red XIII and Yuffie.
"So, what happened to you two?"
"Yeah," Barret agreed, shaking his head sadly. "Ya both look like shit."
Red XIII simply uttered an irritated grumble and started back toward the ship. Cloud, Barret, and Vincent blinked in simultaneous confusion for a moment before glancing expectantly at Yuffie.
"I hate Chocobos," she informed everyone mournfully.
The next moment, a familiar sound drifted toward the group.
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
"Dammit! Vincent, you and Barret were supposed to keep him away from there!" Cloud exclaimed reproachfully.
"His obsession proved too much for mere humans to counter," the dark-haired man sighed.
"Well, let's go get him," Cloud suggested wearily. "Maybe with all of us pulling, we can drag him back onto the ship."
"Everyone take an arm or a leg," Cait Sith snickered.
Cloud grinned.
"Exactly."
Tifa closed the door quietly behind her. Shera knew what to do, and would be ready any time now. All that remained was to find a way to get Cid into the room with her.
With a wicked smile, the young woman pondered how she might go about setting up something like this for Cloud some day. How would he like it, she wondered.
These musings were interrupted by the approach of an odd spectacle. A string of profanities grew gradually louder, and down the hall came first Cloud and Barret side by side, and behind them, Vincent and Yuffie. Between the four of them, each holding a limb, they carried a frantically struggling Cid Highwind.
"Alright, Tif' where do you want him?" Cloud asked wearily.
Struck speechless for a moment, Tifa finally recovered.
"U-um...Cid, if they put you down, will you promise not to run away?"
"Like hell!" the man howled.
"Look, Cid, there's something in that room that you really should see," she informed him seriously.
"What's that?" he asked sulkily.
"Shera's here, and there's something that she really needs to discuss with you."
"@#^&*@$)! What's Shera doin' here?"
"You'll find out more quickly if you go in and ask her," Vincent informed him calmly.
Cid heaved a long sigh.
"Fine, fine, I'll #$(&#$#%$#%in' stay."
"Great!" Tifa chirped brightly. "Okay, you guys can drop him."
The next instant, a loud thump and an angry shout rang out through the hallway. Cid climbed to his feet, grumbling.
"Well, everyone," Tifa began, exchanging a significant grin with Yuffie, "shall we leave them?"
Cloud frowned.
"Y'know, I still don't understand what's going on here."
"Damned if I do, either," Barret replied with a shrug.
"Oh, well. It doesn't look like either of these mean girls are going to tell us, so we might as well forget about it," Cloud mock-pouted.
"Likely the wisest course of action," Vincent noted.
With a shrug, Cloud started off down the hallway, followed by the other four.
With no small amount of confusion, Cid watched them go.
"Dunno what the hell that's all about," he murmured to himself, "but I bet I'll find out."
He turned the knob, opened the door, and stepped inside...
...and stared in awe at the spectacle before him. Shera was sprawled out on his bed, a grey wool blanket draped over her, shooting him a smile that was equal parts shy and provocative, but completely and utterly irresistible. He felt his pulse speed up ever so slightly. She was wearing those damn sexy glasses, too!
Then she stood up and started toward him, her hips swaying seductively. And Cid shovelled his jaw off the floor.
Verily, the sight was one unlike any he'd ever seen, for that pair of glasses that he loved so much was all she wore.
With a tremendous grin, Cid nudged the door to the small room shut with his foot.
Yes, as the door swung shut, it seemed as though Cid had escaped from his brush with dangerous obsession unscathed (and managed to act upon feelings long repressed to boot). But would he be so lucky next time? For two more Weapons still exist out there, just waiting...
"What'd I tell you, man?" Barret chuckled as the three combatants trudged onto the deck of the Highwind. "Told ya you'd be up here with us."
Vincent shook his head, utterly perplexed and vaguely dizzy.
"How...did that happen?"
"Better not to ask," Red replied wisely.
"'Specially 'cause we got us a pissed-off Ultimate Weapon breathin' down our #$#&*(@#%in' necks right now!" Barret shouted, barrelling into position.
The other two followed suit, and the fight began.
"What the hell?!" Barret exclaimed as the dreaded Ultima Beam engulfed the party.
"He did this several times during the last fight," Vincent informed the rest of the group calmly, prompting a long stream of profanities from Barret.
"I think we may need the help of higher powers," Red XIII announced, leaping forward and beginning a chant. Then... "TETRA DISASTER!"
"And let's hope it works this time."
"Whazzat, Vincent?"
"Nothing at all, Barret."
By this time used to an utter lack of heavens splitting in twain and raining fiery destruction, Ultimate Weapon was not worried. In this, he was mistaken...
"Ow..." he whimpered, or at least, did the Ultimate Weapon equivalent thereof, as Kjata, quite satisfied with a job well done, prepared to set back off to Summon Monster Land.
"Can you pass a message along to Bahamut for us?" Vincent called after him. Kjata turned in mid-air, his massive bull-head cocked to one side. Vincent thought for a moment. "Tell him, 'SCREW YOU, BAHAMUT!'"
Barret and Red XIII, and even Ultimate Weapon and Kjata stared at the dark- haired man for a time, shocked and dismayed by this outburst.
"Uhm...characterization, Vincent," Red XIII reminded him.
"This is a Rhianwen story," Vincent replied. "Characterization has no place within these four broken walls."
"Damn, you say the screwiest stuff," Barret commented with a shake of his head.
"Oh, no," Red XIII sighed. "While we were talking, Ultimate Weapon took to the skies again."
"#@*()#$@(*)#@&!*%#$^#$*&(@$&*(#$*&(^@$#^*&#@$&*^)*#&($@!!!" Barret howled enthusiastically before bolting from the deck to report this setback to Cid.
It is not necessary to describe the reaction of Cid upon receiving this news, nor is it necessary to go into description of the sort that has thus far been used of every attempted battle of the party with Ultimate Weapon. They all went much the same way. The party would hit him with the strongest spells that it had, would get their behinds well and truly kicked by the creatures formidable Ultima Beam, the party member that was the quickest would cast a hasty healing spell, and then, at some point, someone would decide that it was time to attempt a summon, usually Bahamut.
Sometimes Bahamut would come, and sometimes Bahamut would not. It would all depend on how much he had had to drink that day.
At any rate, the battle would always end the same way: when Ultimate Weapon felt that he had taken enough abuse for the time being, he would lift into the air with a beat of his mighty wings, and Cid, with an angry bellow, would follow closely on his massive purple tail, Barret cheering him on enthusiastically.
"Cid," Cloud ventured hesitantly after one such battle - the fifth or the sixth? Oh, he couldn't remember. What did it matter, anyway? "Cid, we're beginning to worry about you. You never eat anymore, you haven't slept a wink in nine days, heck, you haven't even touched your cigarettes! Not only that, but it's beginning to get to Barret, too! He's acting the same way you are! Is smiting this Weapon really that important?"
"Yes!" Cid snapped, glaring briefly at the young man.
"O-okay," Cloud nodded, backing away in fear.
Tifa, however, returned Cid's glare with one of her own.
"Alright, Cid, that's all well and good, but if it's so important, how is it that you haven't been part of a single battle against him?"
"Yeah, that's a really good point," Cloud noted with a frown.
"'Cause he's secretly in love with it!" Cait Sith hastened to theorize. "He feels compelled to pursue it, but he doesn't want to be a part of destroying it, because such a thing would kill him!"
Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, Vincent, Cid, Learner Pilot, the three random guys at that little desk thing, and even Yuffie from out in the hall, stared at him incredulously.
"Just a thought," the small cat shrugged.
"A stupid thought," Cid vocalized the primary opinion of everyone. Then he turned back to the steering-thingy. "And lookey who we've just run into! Alright, someone get up there!"
With a sigh, Cloud turned to leave.
"Who's coming with me this time?"
"Take me take me take me!" Cait Sith begged, only half-seriously. As such, he was less than entirely pleased when Cloud shrugged and motioned him to follow.
"It's your turn to come with us too, Yuffie," he announced as they stalked grimly past to the stairs.
With a philosophical shrug, she set down the garbage pail and bounced after them.
"Okay, if he doesn't die this time, I'm gonna kill him!" Cloud exclaimed severely.
Cait Sith tilted his head to the side adorably.
"Uh...what?"
"Never mind," the young man replied sheepishly.
"I think this guy hit you in the head a little too hard last time," Yuffie noted sadly, gesturing to Ultimate Weapon.
And it seemed that this pattern was not about to change. With a mighty sweep of his Ultimate Claws of Doom (tm), the creature sent the unfortunate group of three skittering in three different directions across the deck.
"...Ow," Cait Sith whimpered.
"Yeah, I hear that!" Cloud proclaimed. Both waited. Finally, Cloud continued. "That's your cue, Yuffie."
"What?"
"You're the only one carrying Restore Materia right now."
"Oh! Right!"
As she muttered a quick spell and each of the fighters found themselves feeling less 'smote,' Cloud readied himself to attack.
"Okay, I'm gonna try this one more time," he began ominously, "and if it doesn't work, I'm goin' up there! Hear that, Bahamut?! TERRA FLARE!"
This time, it seemed as though the luck of the group had changed. The heavens grew dark and ominous, overcast by the shadow of a Bahamut nearly half the size of the globe.
Ultimate weapon glanced about uneasily, wondering if this Bahamut of whom he had heard so much was finally going to show up. As he was wondering, though, a massive beam of energy shot down from those same darkened heavens and enveloped him.
"Ha-HAH!" Cait Sith laughed jubilantly. "It worked! No way he lived through that!"
The party watched with bated breath as the light faded. There sat - er, hovered - Ultimate Weapon, looking decidedly the worse for wear, but still very much alive.
"Dammit!" Yuffie howled. "Stop living, and DIE!"
With that, as though each reading the minds of the other two, they leapt as one and began...to put it artlessly, pummelling the crap out of Ultimate Weapon. In his weakened state, he hadn't the strength to deal with this for very long, and could do aught but fling them off with an angry shriek.
"Thump-thump-thump!' went our three warriors against the deck of the Highwind.
"Thump-thump-thump-thump!" went Cait Sith's Moogle as it bounced across the deck.
Then the massive creature began to rattle and shake (as opposed to 'shake, rattle and roll'), and it seemed to the slightly dishevelled party as though they had finally done it.
"Yeah!" Cloud shouted, pumping his fist triumphantly in the air.
His celebration was cut short, however, as it seemed that Ultimate Weapon had one last trick up his very large sleeve.
The air around him grew very white, and every object around him grew very dark. Before he knew what was happening, a very...shadowy looking Flare shot through the air and ended his gloating as he collapsed to the deck, unconscious just as Ultimate Weapon ceased to exist.
"Hoo, boy, that's gonna require a Band-aid (tm)," Cait Sith commented lamely as he crawled across the deck to his Moogle.
"Hey, cool! Our Enemy Skill picked that little trick up!"
"Uh...Yuffie? Cloud. In serious peril."
"Yeah, yeah, it sucks about Cloud, but he'll be okay. Wow! That's really gonna come in handy, isn't it?"
His little Moogle slumping forward in a manifestation of his own dismay, Cait Sith hopped down the stairs below deck to fetch Tifa.
"Oh, fine! I'll make sure he's alright," she called down the stairs after the cat and the Moogle. "Cloud?" she called softly, poking him. "Hey! Hey! Hey-hey! Hey!"
When this yielded no result, she opted for the much less fun method of a Phoenix Down.
"Ow..." Cloud muttered. "Ooh...someone turn down the sun! What the hell happened, anyway?"
"Well, that big mean thingie had something unexpected hiding in that big Weapon head of his. A self-destruct sort of thing that only took you out, I guess, because he's gone now...and he left a big crater behind him."
"Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, darting through the door and kneeling next to Cloud, who had managed to get himself up into a sitting position well enough to very much enjoy the sight of her...feminine charms bouncing beautifully as she ran. "Are you alright?!"
"I-I think I might be alright eventually," he murmured piteously. "But I may need someone to hold me until I recover."
Tifa sat back on her heels and glared at him.
"Cloud Strife, how stupid do you think I am?!"
"I-I don't..."
"Have a little more regard for my intelligence than that!"
Yuffie climbed to her feet, wanting nothing less than to direct the anger of a righteously indignant Tifa Lockheart towards herself.
"Hey, that's my cue. See yuh!"
With that, she went below deck, and Tifa and Cloud found themselves alone.
"Are you really mad at me, Tifa?" the young man asked with a sigh.
"Oh, I think I might forgive you...provided you make it up to me...some way..."
Strength miraculously recovered, Cloud sat bolt upright.
"I think I can come up with a way..."
"YEAH! He's dead! We did it! WE DID IT!" Cid howled triumphantly, dancing about the crater left by the explosion of Weapon as a man possessed, followed closely by Barret.
From the deck of the Highwind, the entire group collectively sweatdropped as together they launched into a ghastly duet rendition of 'We Are the Champions.'
"Hey, Cid," Cloud called tentatively. Nothing. "Uh...Barret?"
"Yeah? Wha's up?"
"Uh...if Ultimate Weapon is dead, we can...go back to normal, right?"
With a shrug, Barret climbed back aboard the Highwind.
"Yeah, yer right. Don' wanna start actin' like a damn fool kid."
Tifa nodded in satisfaction.
"I'm glad you feel that way, Barret. I just wish Cid agreed."
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!"
"Hey, Cid!" Cloud tried again. "Cid!"
"WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TILL THE END!"
"Gawd, is he STILL at it?" Yuffie demanded with a sigh, wandering onto the airship's deck.
"Yes, he is," Tifa replied wearily.
The younger girl shook her head.
"Isn't there some way to break him out of this?"
The instant she said it, it became clear to all that she had made a mistake. A gleam lit up Tifa's eye, and the air around her nearly crackled with electricity.
"Yes, I think there is," she murmured. "Cloud! How far are we from Rocket Town?"
"Uh...'bout four or five hour's travel, I think," the young man replied, an eyebrow raised.
"Less than that by Chocobo, right?"
"Yeah, that should cut it down to a couple hours."
Tifa smiled to herself.
"Wonderful. Yuffie, we have a little errand to run."
"What?! You two can't just take off!"
With a sigh, she put an arm around Cloud.
"Listen, Cloud, do you want Cid back or not? If we don't do this, our being away won't matter at all, because Cid will never, never stop singing that song!"
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
Cloud slumped forward in dismay.
"Okay, I see your point. Just...hurry back, alright?"
"Sure thing," Yuffie agreed, bouncing up and down at Tifa's side like a child eager to go on a favourite ride at a carnival.
"Wha's wit' you?" Barret asked, amused.
"I get to leave this stupid ship for a while!" she replied with a grin that could have lit up a darkened room in the sheer gladness radiating from it.
"I must admit, I envy you both that," Red XIII sighed.
"Why don't you come with us, Red?" Tifa suggested. "You can run alongside the Chocobos."
"I think I will," he replied, much relieved.
"So, does anyone else want to come with us?" Tifa inquired with a chuckle.
Cloud thought for a moment.
"Naw, I think a couple of us should stay here and make sure Cid doesn't hurt himself."
"Shit, I don't mind stayin,'" Barret shrugged.
"Staying where?" Vincent inquired, choosing that moment to join everyone else on deck.
"With the Highwind while those three run some errand in Rocket Town," Cloud explained, gesturing to Tifa, Red XIII, and Yuffie.
"Ah. What is the errand?"
"Well," Tifa began with a grin, "we want something that will be able to snap Cid out of this victory-induced hysteria, right?"
"Presumably..."
"NO TIME FOR LOSERS, 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS..."
"Definitely," Vincent amended with a sigh as Cid bellowed out another throat-splitting line.
"So, who lives in Rocket Town that might be able to do that?"
Vincent shook his head blankly, but others caught on.
"Oh, yeah! I get it now! If she can't help him, nothing can. Great idea, Tifa!"
Tifa beamed.
"Thank-you, Yuffie."
Cloud's stare was as blank as Vincent's.
"Uh...I don't get it. What's a great idea?"
"You'll just have to wait and see," Tifa informed him as the three left to prepare for the short trip.
"Women," Cloud sighed.
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!"
"Oh! Hello, Tifa!" Shera greeted the younger woman warmly. "And I see that Red XIII and Yuffie are here as well," she continued, peeking around Tifa to where Yuffie had now begun to attempt different means of keeping that damned Chocobo still while she tied him to the fence outside.
Unfortunately, when an animal is bred specifically to hold the weight of a human, a particularly small person throwing their entire weight against it will do little to keep it in place. Red XIII was attempting to assist such as he could by grabbing the rope between his teeth, but they were having an altogether miserable experience.
"Hello, Shera," Tifa greeted, pointedly ignoring the shouts of various words that both of her friends must have learned from Cid, drifting up the walk towards her.
"Would...would you like to come in for tea?" the lovely engineer offered, hoping that she didn't sound too eager. It was seldom, after all, that she had company, and it would be nice to talk to another woman for a time.
Tifa shook her head.
"No, but thank-you just the same, Shera. Actually, we're here because we need your help with something."
"Damn stupid bird!" Yuffie shouted at the Chocobo as the rope, once again, slipped from her grasp.
Shera frowned.
"My help? Whatever with?"
"Stay where I put you, you #(*$#@#@ing thing!"
"Yuffie! Language!" Red XIII exclaimed, horrified.
"Shut up!"
With a sigh, Tifa continued.
"Well, recently, we had an...encounter with the creature known as Ultimate Weapon."
"Ultimate Weapon?" Shera echoed.
"#)#@&*()$#&(*@&)&*$#()@()*&!!!" the Son of Seto bellowed as he received a particularly painful kick to the head.
"Red!" Yuffie exclaimed. "Language!"
"Shut up!" Red XIII retorted.
Shera smiled fondly at the antics of the two.
"Would you like to talk inside?"
"Please," Tifa replied through gritted teeth.
Shera shifted slightly in her chair, leaning forward with her elbows propped on the kitchen table.
"So, every time you tried to fight it, it ran away?"
Tifa nodded, glancing absently out the kitchen window as a chocobo careened past with a small, dark-haired girl half on it and half off of it, clinging to its neck frantically, and a canine creature with shaggy red fur, the harness rope gripped in its teeth, being dragged along behind. She quickly turned her attention back to Shera.
"Yes."
"Which sparked an obsession in the Captain?"
"To put it lightly."
"Oh, dear..."
"Well, eventually, we managed to defeat it."
"That's...good, right?"
"It would be ordinarily. But now that it's dead, we can't seem to stop Cid from dancing around the crater it left, singing loudly and badly."
"Oh, no..."
"Nothing will snap him out of it!"
"That's horrible! But, Tifa, where do I come in?"
A smile spread itself across Tifa's face that frightened Shera more than a little.
"I was hoping you'd ask."
She climbed from her chair, walked around the table to where the older woman sat, leaned down, and whispered something in her ear. The next moment, Shera's expression registered shock.
"Oh, no! Tifa, I could never..."
"Of course you could," Tifa replied sternly.
"But...that's so..."
"Brilliant?"
Shera sighed. She knew when she had been beaten, and when faced with a Tifa Lockheart who had gotten an idea planted in her mind was one of those times.
"I...I suppose I don't have a choice," she finally said, a tiny smile curving up the corners of her full, pink lips slightly. After all, it might not be so bad...
"Hey, fellas," Cait Sith called to Barret and Vincent, who were engrossed in the task of trying to drag Cid away before he could attack the remaining scraps of Ultimate Weapon and bust them into even tinier scraps. "They're back! And they've got...Shera with them!"
"Shera?" Cloud echoed, temporarily forgetting that he was supposed to be holding the door open for his friends. He let go of the door, which swung shut directly onto a very angry Cid's head, and jogged over to the deck of the Highwind, and peered in the direction that the little cat was pointing. "Hey, yeah! What's she doing here?" Then he blinked. "And why are Red XIII and Yuffie all bandaged up like that?"
Cait Sith shrugged his tiny cat-shoulders.
"Dunno. Let's go find out what the heck's going on!"
"Deal."
With that, the young man and the Moogle-riding cat barrelled through the door, which knocked Cid, who had just managed to climb to his feet, back to the floor.
"#@$*()$#)*@&@%#@^@*&()$&)*#@!!!" he intoned calmly. Then, as Barret and Vincent followed Cloud and Cait Sith off of the ship, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully before leaping to his feet and darting after them. After all, he still had gloating left to do!
"Hiya, Shera," Cait Sith called, bounding up to the group.
"Hello," she replied with a small smile.
"So, whatcha doin' here?"
"I'm here to help Cid."
"How are you gonna do that?" Cloud wondered, scratching his head.
"Now, that's for us to know, and for you to find out ONLY if someone decides to tell you," Tifa informed him severely. "Come on, Shera. I'll help you get ready."
The two women set off for the ship, and Cloud turned to Red XIII and Yuffie.
"So, what happened to you two?"
"Yeah," Barret agreed, shaking his head sadly. "Ya both look like shit."
Red XIII simply uttered an irritated grumble and started back toward the ship. Cloud, Barret, and Vincent blinked in simultaneous confusion for a moment before glancing expectantly at Yuffie.
"I hate Chocobos," she informed everyone mournfully.
The next moment, a familiar sound drifted toward the group.
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
"Dammit! Vincent, you and Barret were supposed to keep him away from there!" Cloud exclaimed reproachfully.
"His obsession proved too much for mere humans to counter," the dark-haired man sighed.
"Well, let's go get him," Cloud suggested wearily. "Maybe with all of us pulling, we can drag him back onto the ship."
"Everyone take an arm or a leg," Cait Sith snickered.
Cloud grinned.
"Exactly."
Tifa closed the door quietly behind her. Shera knew what to do, and would be ready any time now. All that remained was to find a way to get Cid into the room with her.
With a wicked smile, the young woman pondered how she might go about setting up something like this for Cloud some day. How would he like it, she wondered.
These musings were interrupted by the approach of an odd spectacle. A string of profanities grew gradually louder, and down the hall came first Cloud and Barret side by side, and behind them, Vincent and Yuffie. Between the four of them, each holding a limb, they carried a frantically struggling Cid Highwind.
"Alright, Tif' where do you want him?" Cloud asked wearily.
Struck speechless for a moment, Tifa finally recovered.
"U-um...Cid, if they put you down, will you promise not to run away?"
"Like hell!" the man howled.
"Look, Cid, there's something in that room that you really should see," she informed him seriously.
"What's that?" he asked sulkily.
"Shera's here, and there's something that she really needs to discuss with you."
"@#^&*@$)! What's Shera doin' here?"
"You'll find out more quickly if you go in and ask her," Vincent informed him calmly.
Cid heaved a long sigh.
"Fine, fine, I'll #$(&#$#%$#%in' stay."
"Great!" Tifa chirped brightly. "Okay, you guys can drop him."
The next instant, a loud thump and an angry shout rang out through the hallway. Cid climbed to his feet, grumbling.
"Well, everyone," Tifa began, exchanging a significant grin with Yuffie, "shall we leave them?"
Cloud frowned.
"Y'know, I still don't understand what's going on here."
"Damned if I do, either," Barret replied with a shrug.
"Oh, well. It doesn't look like either of these mean girls are going to tell us, so we might as well forget about it," Cloud mock-pouted.
"Likely the wisest course of action," Vincent noted.
With a shrug, Cloud started off down the hallway, followed by the other four.
With no small amount of confusion, Cid watched them go.
"Dunno what the hell that's all about," he murmured to himself, "but I bet I'll find out."
He turned the knob, opened the door, and stepped inside...
...and stared in awe at the spectacle before him. Shera was sprawled out on his bed, a grey wool blanket draped over her, shooting him a smile that was equal parts shy and provocative, but completely and utterly irresistible. He felt his pulse speed up ever so slightly. She was wearing those damn sexy glasses, too!
Then she stood up and started toward him, her hips swaying seductively. And Cid shovelled his jaw off the floor.
Verily, the sight was one unlike any he'd ever seen, for that pair of glasses that he loved so much was all she wore.
With a tremendous grin, Cid nudged the door to the small room shut with his foot.
Yes, as the door swung shut, it seemed as though Cid had escaped from his brush with dangerous obsession unscathed (and managed to act upon feelings long repressed to boot). But would he be so lucky next time? For two more Weapons still exist out there, just waiting...