Part 6
Superman's dead - By Our Lady Peace
Do you worry that you're not liked/
How long till you break/
Happy cause you smile/
But how much can you fake?
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name/
But ordinary's just not good enough today/
Alone I'm thinking/
Why is superman dead/
Is it in my head/
We'll just laugh instead/
You worry about the weather and/
Whether or not you should hate/
Are you worried about your faith/
Kneel down and obey/
You're happy you're in love/
You need someone to hate/
An ordinary girl, and ordinary waist/
But ordinary's just not good enough today/
Doesn't anyone know that the world's a subway/
Lex woke up, after having one of the longest calmest sleeps he'd had lately. Nightmare free, such bliss. As his eyes flickered open he saw through his blurry vision Bray talking to some girl, and a moment later the distant sounds of voices became clear. The girl left and Bray glanced over to the bed where he saw Lex was lying awake and staring sleepily at him.
"Oh hey you're awake at last," Bray said as he walked to the bedside and grabbed the chair, dragging it closer and sat on it.
"I see you still have your life saving skill of spotting the obvious" Lex rolled his eyes and pushed himself to sit up and stretch. He gave a little yawn and glanced to the side to see Bray smirking. "What?" he raised an eyebrow as he let his arms drop onto his lap.
"Nothing" Bray sighed and shook his head, with a small smile in place, "I got some good news for you"
"That makes a change" Lex muttered.
"You're going to able to get out of this place, and back home later today" Bray told him.
"Huh?" Lex intelligently replied as he blinked at Bray with a slightly confused look.
"You can go home today. that's a good thing right? You do want to get back?" Bray asked studying Lex.
"Uh.yeah. Yeah I do, its just. hmm" Lex shrugged and glanced to the opposite wall, staring at the chipped paint.
"Which means?" Bray enquired.
"I just didn't expect that they'd let me leave so soon" Lex told him, as he continued to stare at the wall.
"Well maybe it'll be good for you, getting back to a familiar environment and"-
"Getting stared at like I'm a freak, people making comments, plastering on fake smiles and fake nice acts and being careful not to say or do the wrong thing incase I the psycho goes mad and tries topping himself again" Lex interrupted with a frown and spoke bitterly as he looked at the wall.
"Hey no, it won't be like that! Everyone's genuinely been concerned and worried about you Lex"-
"Yeah well all that concern and worry came a bit too late didn't it" Lex snapped and the room fell into silence. Outside a nurse walked by chatting to some doctor. Lex let out a sigh and closed his eyes briefly, "I didn't mean to say that, you know"
"Yeah" Bray reluctantly said, "I guess you might be feeling a bit" he trailed off as he saw Lex roll his eyes, "okay I don't know what you're feeling, none of us really know. You don't tell us this stuff Lex"
"Is there any point?" Lex faced Bray and stared at him with those dark dull eyes, "its not as if it matters anyway"
"Yeah Lex it does. If a member of our tribe is feeling as.as depressed as you are, then we want to help, we want to make them happy again"
"Please, you're only saying that now because you feel sorry for me. If it wasn't for that damned letter then you lot could care less. In fact its that stupid letter you found that made all this happen!"
"God Lex, you have a go at us for not caring or noticing you, then when we do you have a go at us even more! Make up your damn mind" Bray snapped angrily, surprising himself.
"I did but some idiot went and got me brought back to life!" Lex snapped and the room fell yet again into a high thick tense atmosphere.
"Well sorry for caring" Bray sneered and stood up, swallowing.
"Yeah well I didn't ask you to did I?" Lex muttered and went back to staring at the wall.
"God Lex. I seriously .. don't get you man" Bray commented and shook his head.
"Yeah well I'm ****ed up, get over it" Lex snapped and narrowed his eyes at the space on the wall.
"God Lex, what do you want me to say or do?! No matter what I do or say it's the wrong thing. All I've tried to do is help you, tried to be a friend and all you can do is sit there and complain and whine and *****" Bray shouted at him, "You want me to just leave huh and leave you to dwell in your own depression?"
"Fine!" Lex shouted back, "I never wanted you in here in the first place! I didn't want you to find or 'save' me, I didn't want you to find the letter, but no you have to be annoying and try to be the ****ing hero like you always try to be! Well I didn't want to be 'saved' Bray, I didn't want any of this" Lex shouted back and his eyes seemed to darken.
"You think I wanted to find that letter Lex? You think I wanted to find you bleeding to death in the car? You think I wanted any of this to happen? You think I purposely set out to do all that huh?"
"I was fine till you had to be so damn unnecessarily heroic" Lex sneered.
"No Lex!" Bray gripped to the edge of the bed and stared harshly to Lex sat right in front of him, "You weren't fine at all! The letter proved that"-
"Can you forget the god damn letter!" Lex shouted in his face.
"No Lex, and don't even try thinking let alone saying that you've forgotten about it. I know its all still there in your head, I now know about everything"-
"Shut up Bray!"-
"I know what you've been doing to yourself and why Lex. It never goes away - the nightmares, the scars, every little reminder. You're so wrapped up in it, scared of yourself, afraid to let anyone see"-
"I said shut up!"-
"You always remember Lex don't you, you're the very sight of someone abused, you see it every time you look at yourself in the mirror. We can all see it- I saw it before I even knew. We tried to reach out to you, get you to open up but no, you have to be so stubborn, so 'Lex' - the 'Lex' you pretend to be, the one you put on show, and behind that mask you're just afraid, so weak"-
"SHUT UP!" Lex screamed and before he knew it his hand lashed out and hit Bray across the face, making him stumble back in shock as Lex faced the opposite way, drawing his knees upto his chest and resting his face into his knees, hair falling over him as he placed hands over his ears, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
Bray stared, open mouthed and eyes wide in shock. He wasn't expecting that. He didn't expect he'd be so harsh, so truthful, push that far and make Lex snap like that. He didn't mean to. "Lex" he spoke weakly.
"Just leave me alone!" Lex whimpered weakly, voice muffled as rocked back and forth lightly, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed the spilling tears to retract.
"Lex.I'm. I didn't" Bray stuttered, unable to speak from shock of it all.
"What do you wanna hear huh Bray? That everything you said was right? It doesn't need to be said you know because we all know it" Lex sniffed and moved his hands to wipe his bitter tears away.
"Lex, I really didn't. I shouldn't have said"-
"Do you want details huh Bray? About my drunk of a father beating me or raping me? Do you want me to tell you how my only escape was cutting and drugs? That I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror, knowing what HE did to my body? That every night the dreams come back and I wake up, not knowing if the nightmare's stopped? That I push away everybody away, yet somehow I'm scared of being alone? Huh is that enough for you Bray? Because none of you want to know those things! I don't want to know about them myself, but I can't because its always there" Lex ended up breaking down into hysterical sobs.
"God Lex" Bray barely said, as tears filled in his own eyes. He shouldn't have pushed him. He shouldn't have made himself let Lex break down like that, and confess all that like he did. He went around the side of the bed so he was facing Lex and crouched down in front of him. "Lex I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry"
Lex could barely see through his tear filled eyes as he reached to his wrist and gingerly picked the corner of the material of the bandage, "I still feel it inside. All the dirt and disgust" he whispered bitterly and self hatefully. "It still hurts"
"Lex please don't do that" Bray asked as he moved Lex's hand away, "why didn't you say it still hurt I can get the"-
Lex shook his head and hiccoughed as he wiped his eyes with the other hand, "No I mean it still hurts inside. because of what he. he. did to.me" he broke into sobs again.
"I can't believe you've been left with all this for so long" Bray spoke sadly as he looked up from where he was crouched at the pitiful sight of Lex.
"I don't want to. I don't want to be alone with it anymore" Lex sobbed.
"Hey you're not" Bray spoke and put a hand on Lex's knee, "there's us, to help you through it. there's me"
"How can you help such a pathetic person like me?" Lex placed his hands over his eyes.
"You're not pathetic Lex, you just need help. we're going to help okay. You said I saved you, but you're a long way from saved yet" Bray said as he stood up and sat on the bed beside Lex.
"I want it to stop" Lex whispered brokenly.
"One day it will. I promise" Bray told him as he put an arm around Lex for comfort.
"Don't say that" Lex whispered as he rested his face in the crook of Bray's shoulder whilst Bray comforted him, eventually making my tears stop.
Do you worry that you're not liked/
How long till you break/
Happy cause you smile/
But how much can you fake?
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name/
But ordinary's just not good enough today/
Alone I'm thinking/
Why is superman dead/
Is it in my head/
We'll just laugh instead/
You worry about the weather and/
Whether or not you should hate/
Are you worried about your faith/
Kneel down and obey/
You're happy you're in love/
You need someone to hate/
An ordinary girl, and ordinary waist/
But ordinary's just not good enough today/
Doesn't anyone know that the world's a subway/
Lex woke up, after having one of the longest calmest sleeps he'd had lately. Nightmare free, such bliss. As his eyes flickered open he saw through his blurry vision Bray talking to some girl, and a moment later the distant sounds of voices became clear. The girl left and Bray glanced over to the bed where he saw Lex was lying awake and staring sleepily at him.
"Oh hey you're awake at last," Bray said as he walked to the bedside and grabbed the chair, dragging it closer and sat on it.
"I see you still have your life saving skill of spotting the obvious" Lex rolled his eyes and pushed himself to sit up and stretch. He gave a little yawn and glanced to the side to see Bray smirking. "What?" he raised an eyebrow as he let his arms drop onto his lap.
"Nothing" Bray sighed and shook his head, with a small smile in place, "I got some good news for you"
"That makes a change" Lex muttered.
"You're going to able to get out of this place, and back home later today" Bray told him.
"Huh?" Lex intelligently replied as he blinked at Bray with a slightly confused look.
"You can go home today. that's a good thing right? You do want to get back?" Bray asked studying Lex.
"Uh.yeah. Yeah I do, its just. hmm" Lex shrugged and glanced to the opposite wall, staring at the chipped paint.
"Which means?" Bray enquired.
"I just didn't expect that they'd let me leave so soon" Lex told him, as he continued to stare at the wall.
"Well maybe it'll be good for you, getting back to a familiar environment and"-
"Getting stared at like I'm a freak, people making comments, plastering on fake smiles and fake nice acts and being careful not to say or do the wrong thing incase I the psycho goes mad and tries topping himself again" Lex interrupted with a frown and spoke bitterly as he looked at the wall.
"Hey no, it won't be like that! Everyone's genuinely been concerned and worried about you Lex"-
"Yeah well all that concern and worry came a bit too late didn't it" Lex snapped and the room fell into silence. Outside a nurse walked by chatting to some doctor. Lex let out a sigh and closed his eyes briefly, "I didn't mean to say that, you know"
"Yeah" Bray reluctantly said, "I guess you might be feeling a bit" he trailed off as he saw Lex roll his eyes, "okay I don't know what you're feeling, none of us really know. You don't tell us this stuff Lex"
"Is there any point?" Lex faced Bray and stared at him with those dark dull eyes, "its not as if it matters anyway"
"Yeah Lex it does. If a member of our tribe is feeling as.as depressed as you are, then we want to help, we want to make them happy again"
"Please, you're only saying that now because you feel sorry for me. If it wasn't for that damned letter then you lot could care less. In fact its that stupid letter you found that made all this happen!"
"God Lex, you have a go at us for not caring or noticing you, then when we do you have a go at us even more! Make up your damn mind" Bray snapped angrily, surprising himself.
"I did but some idiot went and got me brought back to life!" Lex snapped and the room fell yet again into a high thick tense atmosphere.
"Well sorry for caring" Bray sneered and stood up, swallowing.
"Yeah well I didn't ask you to did I?" Lex muttered and went back to staring at the wall.
"God Lex. I seriously .. don't get you man" Bray commented and shook his head.
"Yeah well I'm ****ed up, get over it" Lex snapped and narrowed his eyes at the space on the wall.
"God Lex, what do you want me to say or do?! No matter what I do or say it's the wrong thing. All I've tried to do is help you, tried to be a friend and all you can do is sit there and complain and whine and *****" Bray shouted at him, "You want me to just leave huh and leave you to dwell in your own depression?"
"Fine!" Lex shouted back, "I never wanted you in here in the first place! I didn't want you to find or 'save' me, I didn't want you to find the letter, but no you have to be annoying and try to be the ****ing hero like you always try to be! Well I didn't want to be 'saved' Bray, I didn't want any of this" Lex shouted back and his eyes seemed to darken.
"You think I wanted to find that letter Lex? You think I wanted to find you bleeding to death in the car? You think I wanted any of this to happen? You think I purposely set out to do all that huh?"
"I was fine till you had to be so damn unnecessarily heroic" Lex sneered.
"No Lex!" Bray gripped to the edge of the bed and stared harshly to Lex sat right in front of him, "You weren't fine at all! The letter proved that"-
"Can you forget the god damn letter!" Lex shouted in his face.
"No Lex, and don't even try thinking let alone saying that you've forgotten about it. I know its all still there in your head, I now know about everything"-
"Shut up Bray!"-
"I know what you've been doing to yourself and why Lex. It never goes away - the nightmares, the scars, every little reminder. You're so wrapped up in it, scared of yourself, afraid to let anyone see"-
"I said shut up!"-
"You always remember Lex don't you, you're the very sight of someone abused, you see it every time you look at yourself in the mirror. We can all see it- I saw it before I even knew. We tried to reach out to you, get you to open up but no, you have to be so stubborn, so 'Lex' - the 'Lex' you pretend to be, the one you put on show, and behind that mask you're just afraid, so weak"-
"SHUT UP!" Lex screamed and before he knew it his hand lashed out and hit Bray across the face, making him stumble back in shock as Lex faced the opposite way, drawing his knees upto his chest and resting his face into his knees, hair falling over him as he placed hands over his ears, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
Bray stared, open mouthed and eyes wide in shock. He wasn't expecting that. He didn't expect he'd be so harsh, so truthful, push that far and make Lex snap like that. He didn't mean to. "Lex" he spoke weakly.
"Just leave me alone!" Lex whimpered weakly, voice muffled as rocked back and forth lightly, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed the spilling tears to retract.
"Lex.I'm. I didn't" Bray stuttered, unable to speak from shock of it all.
"What do you wanna hear huh Bray? That everything you said was right? It doesn't need to be said you know because we all know it" Lex sniffed and moved his hands to wipe his bitter tears away.
"Lex, I really didn't. I shouldn't have said"-
"Do you want details huh Bray? About my drunk of a father beating me or raping me? Do you want me to tell you how my only escape was cutting and drugs? That I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror, knowing what HE did to my body? That every night the dreams come back and I wake up, not knowing if the nightmare's stopped? That I push away everybody away, yet somehow I'm scared of being alone? Huh is that enough for you Bray? Because none of you want to know those things! I don't want to know about them myself, but I can't because its always there" Lex ended up breaking down into hysterical sobs.
"God Lex" Bray barely said, as tears filled in his own eyes. He shouldn't have pushed him. He shouldn't have made himself let Lex break down like that, and confess all that like he did. He went around the side of the bed so he was facing Lex and crouched down in front of him. "Lex I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry"
Lex could barely see through his tear filled eyes as he reached to his wrist and gingerly picked the corner of the material of the bandage, "I still feel it inside. All the dirt and disgust" he whispered bitterly and self hatefully. "It still hurts"
"Lex please don't do that" Bray asked as he moved Lex's hand away, "why didn't you say it still hurt I can get the"-
Lex shook his head and hiccoughed as he wiped his eyes with the other hand, "No I mean it still hurts inside. because of what he. he. did to.me" he broke into sobs again.
"I can't believe you've been left with all this for so long" Bray spoke sadly as he looked up from where he was crouched at the pitiful sight of Lex.
"I don't want to. I don't want to be alone with it anymore" Lex sobbed.
"Hey you're not" Bray spoke and put a hand on Lex's knee, "there's us, to help you through it. there's me"
"How can you help such a pathetic person like me?" Lex placed his hands over his eyes.
"You're not pathetic Lex, you just need help. we're going to help okay. You said I saved you, but you're a long way from saved yet" Bray said as he stood up and sat on the bed beside Lex.
"I want it to stop" Lex whispered brokenly.
"One day it will. I promise" Bray told him as he put an arm around Lex for comfort.
"Don't say that" Lex whispered as he rested his face in the crook of Bray's shoulder whilst Bray comforted him, eventually making my tears stop.