The Price Part 10
By: Can (lucyc_23455@yahoo.com) Spoilers: Up to WWL Part 2 Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: I don't own them
Thanks to Still Waters for the great beta reading! Couldn't be doing this without her!
Aeryn entered Scorpius's cell without any announcement. She quickly palmed the door closed and pulled the privacy curtain.
Scorpius looked up from the charts he had been studying and leaned back in his chair. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Officer Sun? I would have thought you would be with Crichton."
"That's why I'm here, Scorpius," Aeryn stated, moving towards the table. "I won't let John go through with your deal. It wasn't part of what you and I discussed when you found me."
Scorpius rose from his chair, thoughtful. He walked around the table and stood directly in front of her. "You are quite right, Aeryn. We didn't talk about my payment for helping you, but surely you didn't think I was doing it just to save your life. You are smarter than that. I think perhaps you chose not to ask the question."
The leer on Scorpius' face sent the anger coursing through her veins. "How dare you!" Aeryn spat back. Her cold eyes never wavered as she continued, " You used all of us for your own end.wormholes!"
The leather-masked face twisted in pure evil. "Don't forget your part in this Officer Sun! John is mine now!" Scorpius said, a low growl forming. "I've done as I promised and I intend to collect on the debt! As far as his.condition.he will heal eventually."
Aeryn felt like someone had knocked the air out of her at the mention of her part in the deal. She took in a deep breath, trying to compose her thoughts. "It is his condition that won't allow him to help you! By taking him you will only push yourself further from your goal!" The image of John in the water closet flashed through her mind as she raged at Scorpius. "You will only damage him more with your probing!"
"I think you forget Officer Sun, I have no reason to care about the human! I only want one thing and I.will get it! This conversation is over!" Scorpius stated in a controlled, but forceful voice. "Get out!"
Aeryn turned to leave, but stopped and looked back. "You know, what happened to John was your fault. Grayza was never part of the original plan," she stated calmly, and left the room.
Scorpius stiffened slightly watching Aeryn leave. 'No matter,' he thought to himself as the evil grin spread across his face. Scorpius turned and went back to his charts.
xxxxx
The lights were low in John's quarters as Aeryn entered quietly. She could see Chiana asleep in the chair by his bed, twisted in an uncomfortable position.
Aeryn removed her boots and walked lightly across the room. She wakened Chiana with just a touch, so as not to startle her and wake John.
Chiana rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched her aching body as she rose from the chair. Aeryn led her out of the room, holding her finger to her lips. Chiana understood and waited until they were in the corridor before speaking.
"Where did you go Aeryn?" Chiana whispered. The only thing Aeryn had told Chiana was she needed her to sit with John while she took care of something.
Looking at the Nebari, Aeryn replied frustrated, " I tried to talk to Scorpius." Aeryn shook her head as she continued, "He wouldn't listen. Scorpius is determined to take John with him."
Chiana could see the pain in Aeryn's eyes as she repeated the conversation. "We'll stop him, Aeryn! John's in no shape for anything right now," Chiana said as she glanced back at his quarters. "Seems to me Scorpius is outnumbered. We can at least count on you, D'Argo and me. Rygel maybe and Sikozu should probably be the one Scorpius takes with him."
Aeryn shook her head. "I don't think it will be that easy, especially if John insists on honoring his end of the agreement." The way John's mind was working Aeryn felt this was a very real possibility. It would be his way of punishing himself for what he perceived he did and dealing with his own shame. John detested pitying eyes.
"Go back to John, Aeryn," Chiana said softly. "I'll track D'Argo down. We need to talk about how to stop Scorpius." Chiana gave Aeryn a slight nudge, walking away to find the Luxan.
Aeryn walked back into the room and sat in the far chair from John's bed. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring at the sleeping figure across the room. Aeryn could still hear Scorpius' cruel words in her mind. The echoes of his words about payment and her part, rang like a crescendo in her head. The tears slid down her cheeks, her soul knowing the truth, as she buried her head into her knees.
xxxxx
Aeryn awoke startled. She berated herself for falling asleep as her eyes quickly scanned the room for John. Aeryn relaxed when she saw him sitting in the bed with his back against the wall. She got up from the chair, noticing his stillness. "John?" Aeryn asked quietly, moving towards the bed.
Barely registering the voice, John said in distant tone, "Huh." He was deep in his own thoughts, still trying to sort out the shattered pieces in his mind. His face was blank and the emotions were shut off, existing only because he had to. The numbness felt good in his fractured mind. It stopped him from feeling anything, and while that state eased his pain, it also held a very real danger. As long as he couldn't feel, he was safe from the tainted memories that still tried to force their way into his insane world, but at the same time, he was unable to focus on changing the path in front of him.
Aeryn felt the chills go up her spine at the look on his face. It seemed as if he wasn't there, his mind in some unknown world only he knew. She pulled herself on the bed and sat beside John, putting her arms around him. She was hesitant to talk, afraid of what he would or wouldn't say. Sighing, she said, "How are you feeling today?"
As hard as John tried to block out the voice, it still intruded into his safe world, as the memories burst through jolting his body with a force that caused him to jump to his feet, grabbing his head in his hands. He shook his head, yelling "No.No.Nooooo!" His shoulders shook now with the tears that rocked his body.
Aeryn was immediately on her feet trying to calm him. She was crying with him, seeing the torment that was tearing him apart. Aeryn wished there was a way to get him to talk to her. John started to last night, but he was too incoherent to form the words. She felt him slip from her grasp as he slid to his knees. Aeryn followed quickly trying to find some way to comfort him.
John was holding himself, rocking back and forth, reliving the touch of Grayza's hands on his body, feeling the bile rise in his throat. The shame coursed through his soul as he tried to push the hands away, feeling he was fighting for his life.
Aeryn was taken aback when he pushed her away. She was hurt, not realizing this was the very thing causing his distress. Aeryn sat back on her knees and watched John fight his demons. She didn't know what else to do for him.
Exhausted, John finally fell to the floor on his stomach and retched, feeling dirty and used. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Aeryn on her knees. She reached out to help him, but he stopped her.
In a voice just above a whisper, John said, "No. Give me some time." He slowly rose to his feet and walked to the shower, his head low.
Aeryn was confused by what she had just witnessed. She had her suspicions but wasn't ready to voice them yet. Aeryn would give him what he wanted for now.
xxxxx
Aeryn stepped into the center chamber expecting a lot of chatter on their first day back on Moya. There was only silence. She scanned the room quickly and saw the cause of the silence. Scorpius was sitting by himself in the corner of the room. The rest of the crew was seated around the table in obvious discomfort. Aeryn wouldn't be surprised if Scorpius had done this on purpose. He couldn't help but display his sense of victory over them. She knew that would never change.
Aeryn put her food cubes on her plate and took a seat next to D'Argo. "All systems in proper order?"
D'Argo looked at Rygel before replying, "For once he was telling the truth."
Rygel's chest popped out proudly, "See Luxan!"
Aeryn smiled slightly at his statement and Chiana giggled.
"Do you not serve anything but food cubes on this Leviathan?" Scorpius asked distastefully.
"You're welcome not to eat them. It just leaves more for the rest of us," Rygel replied.
Noranti rose from her seat. "Sir, maybe I can make something for you. I have a lot of herbs that I can add to unsuitable things to make food."
D'Argo growled, "Old woman shut up and sit down! He can eat what the rest of us do!"
Noranti quickly took her seat again, "Of course Ka D'Argo."
"Why do you always have to be so rude Luxan? Scorpius was just asking a question." Sikozu replied.
D'Argo started to speak, when Chiana reached across the table and put her hand on his. "Just drop it D'Argo." Her eyes told him it wasn't worth the argument.
D'Argo nodded getting up from the table. Turning to Aeryn he said, "I'll be in command. Join me when you can."
Aeryn nodded glancing at Chiana. She knew the Nebari had done what she had promised.
Aeryn also rose from her seat. "I think I'll join D'Argo. Chiana could you take some food to John? I'm sure he's hungry."
Chiana nodded, making a plate for John. "I'll take it to him now, Aeryn."
xxxxx
D'Argo and Aeryn were in deep conversation going over their options.
"Aeryn, I tried to reason with Scorpius and so did you. He's not interested in anything we have to say. Scorpius only cares about one thing; wormholes, and he won't stop until he gets that knowledge."
"I understand, D'Argo, but John is not strong enough to fight him this time. He's.I don't know how to describe it. It's like he's made another world in his mind where he can hide from all the pain." Aeryn replied, frustrated.
D'Argo could see the doubt and pain in Aeryn's eyes. "Aeryn, tell me everything that happened on the carrier. Perhaps I can help you understand John better."
D'Argo listened intently as Aeryn spoke. He nodded on several occasions to indicate he had already heard about it. D'Argo only sighed when he heard about the scene with Grayza, Aeryn and John. Chiana had told him some things, but not all of it. D'Argo winced when Aeryn told him what she said to John. He stopped her there.
D'Argo didn't want to betray his friend, but he knew she needed to know the truth. "Aeryn, there's a lot that has happened that you don't know about. This wasn't the first time John encountered Grayza. It was his third time," D'Argo replied, dropping his eyes, ashamed. "I am responsible for his second time, and I say that with deep regret."
"D'Argo, Chiana told me about the encounter on Arnessk, but she only told me it happened once and against John's will," Aeryn replied, somewhat confused now.
"The girls were being held by Grayza and her soldiers. I told John he would have to occupy Grayza again so we could get them out. John agreed, but he was hesitant, so I tongued him and we put his body where the soldiers could find him," D'Argo replied, dropping his head. "I betrayed my own friend."
Aeryn stared at D'Argo, feeling a surge of anger for a microt, but suppressed it. "Then he follows Scorpius' orders for me and finds himself back in Grayza's hands. He hears me call him a traitor, even though he couldn't control what happened."
D'Argo nodded slowly, "Exactly Aeryn. John feels shame and he has never betrayed any of us, even when Scorpius was torturing him. This time, he did, but not knowingly. This is the greatest pain any being can feel - and for a species as emotional as John's..."
Aeryn had a better understanding of John. It also confirmed her thoughts over the episode in the room. He thought she was Grayza. John was actually reliving those microts in his mind.
"What can we do about Scorpius, D'Argo? We can't let him take John!" If only she had known everything in the beginning! She would give anything to take her words back! The most loving being in the universe and she had helped spur his torment.
D'Argo couldn't meet her eyes now. "Didn't you think there would be a consequence to pay for Scorpius' help? I'm sorry Aeryn, there's nothing we can do."
Aeryn looked away from D'Argo, holding back the tears. She wanted to rail at the Luxan, but she knew he spoke the truth. John was in this position because of her. If only she had never left..
xxxxx
Chiana had finally gotten John to eat a small amount. She didn't like the way he looked. He only answered her questions, never offering anything like the old John did. Chiana could see why Aeryn was so concerned. John was not at all like his normal self.
Chiana laughed light-heartedly. "Come on old man, talk to me. You know I'm here for you."
John looked at her, his eyes still somewhat distant. "I know you are, Pip. Just nothing I want to talk about now. Got too many things to sort out."
John felt better after the shower. He just wished Aeryn hadn't seen him fall apart. John cringed remembering the touch that had unleashed the memories he thought he had under control. He finally realized it was Aeryn's hands, but too late. He knew he still couldn't separate his nightmares from reality. They just merged into one.
John was brought out of his thoughts as he heard Chiana's voice. "What do you want, Scorpius?"
Scorpius had been listening outside the door. "Just a few microts with John. Nothing that will hurt him."
Chiana didn't trust the hybrid, looking to John.
"It's ok Chi, I'll be alright," John said, his voice flat.
Before leaving the room, Chiana glanced at Scorpius, the look on her face served as a warning to him.
Scorpius merely nodded and waited for her to depart.
John looked away as Scorpius sat across from him. "What do you want, Scorpius? Spit it out and leave." After tomorrow, Scorpius would be John's only contact. He wanted to be free of him at least on his last night on Moya.
"I want to remind you to be ready to leave tomorrow. You will start a new life John Crichton, working as a scientist again, this time for me," Scorpius replied, studying John's reaction.
John's facial expression never changed as Scorpius spoke. He was learning quickly how to block the voices out, hearing only what he wanted. Turning to Scorpius, John said, "Is that it?" The half - Scarran nodded. "Goodbye, Scorpy." John rose from his seat, moving toward his bed.
Scorpius realized John had dismissed him. "I assure you things will be different on the planet, John. I will be in total control, and you will do my bidding!"
John stiffened, not needing this tonight. "Save it, Scorpy. You'll have plenty of time later to screw with me." What lay ahead of him, he didn't know, he could only imagine what Scorpius' plans were.
"One more thing, John. Please ask your friends to stop pleading your case. I have made my decision," Scorpius stated, watching John's back.
"Don't know what you're talking about," John replied, sitting on the bed. "I'd kinda like to get some sleep tonight, if you don't mind." It took all of John's strength to keep himself under control, fearing the dam was getting ready to break. He could never expose himself so openly to him.
"Very well, John. Until tomorrow," Scorpius replied, unsure of the man before him.
xxxxx
Aeryn walked away from command, desolate, D'Argo's words ringing in her ears, 'there's nothing we can do.' This was new to Aeryn. In the past they had always found alternatives, at least John had. She didn't know how not to fight, it went against her breeding. If D'Argo wanted to give up so be it, but that didn't mean she had to. Aeryn was more determined than ever to find a way to stop Scorpius. With that thought firmly in her mind Aeryn went to be with John.
xxxxx
Chiana returned after Scorpius left John's quarters. The human convinced Chiana that he was fine and didn't need a babysitter anymore. John only wanted to be left alone where he could descend into his own world.
The hum of Moya was all John could hear, comforting him. John pulled the privacy curtain and lowered the lights in his quarters, hoping to deter anyone from entering. He settled himself on the floor in the corner of the room, deciding his bed held no comfort for him anymore. After tonight, it would only be a distant part of his memory like everything on Moya. John slid a knee up and hung his arm over it, the coolness of the wall feeling good against his back.
"Commander Crichton?" Pilot called over the comm. "Is everything all right? The Drds were concerned when you pulled the curtain."
John smiled never knowing his little friends were watching over him. His smile quickly turned into a grimace when he realized there would be no one to look after them anymore. John felt another stab at the heart to add to his growing list, one that was getting too large for even him to handle anymore.
"Commander? Can you hear me?" Pilot asked, distressed.
John hung his head and replied, "Sorry Pilot. Don't worry about me. Just needed a little privacy." He fought back the tears that threatened, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes.
"I.understand John. Moya and I are truly disheartened by the turn of events. We want you to know we will miss you and to thank you for all you have done for us," Pilot replied sadly.
John could do nothing to stop the tears, the dam bursting open with all its might, as he listened to Pilot's words. They flowed freely down his cheeks as reality came crashing down upon him. He was leaving and would never return. What the hell had happened to his life? What had happened to John Crichton? When had he lost control of who he was?
In a cracked voice, John finally spoke. "Give my love to Moya, Pilot." He couldn't manage any more, his body trembling.
"Goodnight, Commander. I will leave you to your thoughts," Pilot replied, detecting the change in John's voice. Pilot thought about calling Officer Sun, but decided to honor Crichton's right to his privacy. He knew it was the last thing he would ever do for him.
John rose to his feet and stumbled, the tears blurring his vision. He walked slowly over to his bag and picked up his constant companion, fingering his familiar friend. John stared at Winona, turning her over slowly in his hand, contemplating his life.
John felt his legs go weak and he dropped to the floor, still cradling the one thing he had always been able to rely on. She was the only thing that had never let him down, the one thing he could be sure of in this miserable universe.
John brought his knees up and dropped the pistol to the floor, leaning his head against his propped hand. 'Hell, I can't even be sure of myself anymore,' John thought to himself, snickering through the tears that still racked through his body. 'Damn, I am so tired.' John leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
John flinched when the flashes intruded on his depressed mind. His soul said no, but he was too weak to fight. John let the emerging rage take over. He picked up his pulse pistol and jumped to his feet. The screams left his lips, the rage filling his whole being.
"Just leave my frelling mind alone! Leave me the hell alone!" John's ranting grew louder as the tears flowed harder. He was waving Winona wildly through the air, not aiming her in any one direction. "Someone tell me why I have to be the target of this frelled up Universe! What gives you the right?"
John's rage was weakening, along with his body. He fell silent and dropped to his knees, his breathing harsh. Holding Winona in both hands, he dropped his head and said in a parched, tired voice, "Why? Why me?"
Part 11 will be posted on Thursday.
By: Can (lucyc_23455@yahoo.com) Spoilers: Up to WWL Part 2 Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: I don't own them
Thanks to Still Waters for the great beta reading! Couldn't be doing this without her!
Aeryn entered Scorpius's cell without any announcement. She quickly palmed the door closed and pulled the privacy curtain.
Scorpius looked up from the charts he had been studying and leaned back in his chair. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Officer Sun? I would have thought you would be with Crichton."
"That's why I'm here, Scorpius," Aeryn stated, moving towards the table. "I won't let John go through with your deal. It wasn't part of what you and I discussed when you found me."
Scorpius rose from his chair, thoughtful. He walked around the table and stood directly in front of her. "You are quite right, Aeryn. We didn't talk about my payment for helping you, but surely you didn't think I was doing it just to save your life. You are smarter than that. I think perhaps you chose not to ask the question."
The leer on Scorpius' face sent the anger coursing through her veins. "How dare you!" Aeryn spat back. Her cold eyes never wavered as she continued, " You used all of us for your own end.wormholes!"
The leather-masked face twisted in pure evil. "Don't forget your part in this Officer Sun! John is mine now!" Scorpius said, a low growl forming. "I've done as I promised and I intend to collect on the debt! As far as his.condition.he will heal eventually."
Aeryn felt like someone had knocked the air out of her at the mention of her part in the deal. She took in a deep breath, trying to compose her thoughts. "It is his condition that won't allow him to help you! By taking him you will only push yourself further from your goal!" The image of John in the water closet flashed through her mind as she raged at Scorpius. "You will only damage him more with your probing!"
"I think you forget Officer Sun, I have no reason to care about the human! I only want one thing and I.will get it! This conversation is over!" Scorpius stated in a controlled, but forceful voice. "Get out!"
Aeryn turned to leave, but stopped and looked back. "You know, what happened to John was your fault. Grayza was never part of the original plan," she stated calmly, and left the room.
Scorpius stiffened slightly watching Aeryn leave. 'No matter,' he thought to himself as the evil grin spread across his face. Scorpius turned and went back to his charts.
xxxxx
The lights were low in John's quarters as Aeryn entered quietly. She could see Chiana asleep in the chair by his bed, twisted in an uncomfortable position.
Aeryn removed her boots and walked lightly across the room. She wakened Chiana with just a touch, so as not to startle her and wake John.
Chiana rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched her aching body as she rose from the chair. Aeryn led her out of the room, holding her finger to her lips. Chiana understood and waited until they were in the corridor before speaking.
"Where did you go Aeryn?" Chiana whispered. The only thing Aeryn had told Chiana was she needed her to sit with John while she took care of something.
Looking at the Nebari, Aeryn replied frustrated, " I tried to talk to Scorpius." Aeryn shook her head as she continued, "He wouldn't listen. Scorpius is determined to take John with him."
Chiana could see the pain in Aeryn's eyes as she repeated the conversation. "We'll stop him, Aeryn! John's in no shape for anything right now," Chiana said as she glanced back at his quarters. "Seems to me Scorpius is outnumbered. We can at least count on you, D'Argo and me. Rygel maybe and Sikozu should probably be the one Scorpius takes with him."
Aeryn shook her head. "I don't think it will be that easy, especially if John insists on honoring his end of the agreement." The way John's mind was working Aeryn felt this was a very real possibility. It would be his way of punishing himself for what he perceived he did and dealing with his own shame. John detested pitying eyes.
"Go back to John, Aeryn," Chiana said softly. "I'll track D'Argo down. We need to talk about how to stop Scorpius." Chiana gave Aeryn a slight nudge, walking away to find the Luxan.
Aeryn walked back into the room and sat in the far chair from John's bed. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring at the sleeping figure across the room. Aeryn could still hear Scorpius' cruel words in her mind. The echoes of his words about payment and her part, rang like a crescendo in her head. The tears slid down her cheeks, her soul knowing the truth, as she buried her head into her knees.
xxxxx
Aeryn awoke startled. She berated herself for falling asleep as her eyes quickly scanned the room for John. Aeryn relaxed when she saw him sitting in the bed with his back against the wall. She got up from the chair, noticing his stillness. "John?" Aeryn asked quietly, moving towards the bed.
Barely registering the voice, John said in distant tone, "Huh." He was deep in his own thoughts, still trying to sort out the shattered pieces in his mind. His face was blank and the emotions were shut off, existing only because he had to. The numbness felt good in his fractured mind. It stopped him from feeling anything, and while that state eased his pain, it also held a very real danger. As long as he couldn't feel, he was safe from the tainted memories that still tried to force their way into his insane world, but at the same time, he was unable to focus on changing the path in front of him.
Aeryn felt the chills go up her spine at the look on his face. It seemed as if he wasn't there, his mind in some unknown world only he knew. She pulled herself on the bed and sat beside John, putting her arms around him. She was hesitant to talk, afraid of what he would or wouldn't say. Sighing, she said, "How are you feeling today?"
As hard as John tried to block out the voice, it still intruded into his safe world, as the memories burst through jolting his body with a force that caused him to jump to his feet, grabbing his head in his hands. He shook his head, yelling "No.No.Nooooo!" His shoulders shook now with the tears that rocked his body.
Aeryn was immediately on her feet trying to calm him. She was crying with him, seeing the torment that was tearing him apart. Aeryn wished there was a way to get him to talk to her. John started to last night, but he was too incoherent to form the words. She felt him slip from her grasp as he slid to his knees. Aeryn followed quickly trying to find some way to comfort him.
John was holding himself, rocking back and forth, reliving the touch of Grayza's hands on his body, feeling the bile rise in his throat. The shame coursed through his soul as he tried to push the hands away, feeling he was fighting for his life.
Aeryn was taken aback when he pushed her away. She was hurt, not realizing this was the very thing causing his distress. Aeryn sat back on her knees and watched John fight his demons. She didn't know what else to do for him.
Exhausted, John finally fell to the floor on his stomach and retched, feeling dirty and used. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Aeryn on her knees. She reached out to help him, but he stopped her.
In a voice just above a whisper, John said, "No. Give me some time." He slowly rose to his feet and walked to the shower, his head low.
Aeryn was confused by what she had just witnessed. She had her suspicions but wasn't ready to voice them yet. Aeryn would give him what he wanted for now.
xxxxx
Aeryn stepped into the center chamber expecting a lot of chatter on their first day back on Moya. There was only silence. She scanned the room quickly and saw the cause of the silence. Scorpius was sitting by himself in the corner of the room. The rest of the crew was seated around the table in obvious discomfort. Aeryn wouldn't be surprised if Scorpius had done this on purpose. He couldn't help but display his sense of victory over them. She knew that would never change.
Aeryn put her food cubes on her plate and took a seat next to D'Argo. "All systems in proper order?"
D'Argo looked at Rygel before replying, "For once he was telling the truth."
Rygel's chest popped out proudly, "See Luxan!"
Aeryn smiled slightly at his statement and Chiana giggled.
"Do you not serve anything but food cubes on this Leviathan?" Scorpius asked distastefully.
"You're welcome not to eat them. It just leaves more for the rest of us," Rygel replied.
Noranti rose from her seat. "Sir, maybe I can make something for you. I have a lot of herbs that I can add to unsuitable things to make food."
D'Argo growled, "Old woman shut up and sit down! He can eat what the rest of us do!"
Noranti quickly took her seat again, "Of course Ka D'Argo."
"Why do you always have to be so rude Luxan? Scorpius was just asking a question." Sikozu replied.
D'Argo started to speak, when Chiana reached across the table and put her hand on his. "Just drop it D'Argo." Her eyes told him it wasn't worth the argument.
D'Argo nodded getting up from the table. Turning to Aeryn he said, "I'll be in command. Join me when you can."
Aeryn nodded glancing at Chiana. She knew the Nebari had done what she had promised.
Aeryn also rose from her seat. "I think I'll join D'Argo. Chiana could you take some food to John? I'm sure he's hungry."
Chiana nodded, making a plate for John. "I'll take it to him now, Aeryn."
xxxxx
D'Argo and Aeryn were in deep conversation going over their options.
"Aeryn, I tried to reason with Scorpius and so did you. He's not interested in anything we have to say. Scorpius only cares about one thing; wormholes, and he won't stop until he gets that knowledge."
"I understand, D'Argo, but John is not strong enough to fight him this time. He's.I don't know how to describe it. It's like he's made another world in his mind where he can hide from all the pain." Aeryn replied, frustrated.
D'Argo could see the doubt and pain in Aeryn's eyes. "Aeryn, tell me everything that happened on the carrier. Perhaps I can help you understand John better."
D'Argo listened intently as Aeryn spoke. He nodded on several occasions to indicate he had already heard about it. D'Argo only sighed when he heard about the scene with Grayza, Aeryn and John. Chiana had told him some things, but not all of it. D'Argo winced when Aeryn told him what she said to John. He stopped her there.
D'Argo didn't want to betray his friend, but he knew she needed to know the truth. "Aeryn, there's a lot that has happened that you don't know about. This wasn't the first time John encountered Grayza. It was his third time," D'Argo replied, dropping his eyes, ashamed. "I am responsible for his second time, and I say that with deep regret."
"D'Argo, Chiana told me about the encounter on Arnessk, but she only told me it happened once and against John's will," Aeryn replied, somewhat confused now.
"The girls were being held by Grayza and her soldiers. I told John he would have to occupy Grayza again so we could get them out. John agreed, but he was hesitant, so I tongued him and we put his body where the soldiers could find him," D'Argo replied, dropping his head. "I betrayed my own friend."
Aeryn stared at D'Argo, feeling a surge of anger for a microt, but suppressed it. "Then he follows Scorpius' orders for me and finds himself back in Grayza's hands. He hears me call him a traitor, even though he couldn't control what happened."
D'Argo nodded slowly, "Exactly Aeryn. John feels shame and he has never betrayed any of us, even when Scorpius was torturing him. This time, he did, but not knowingly. This is the greatest pain any being can feel - and for a species as emotional as John's..."
Aeryn had a better understanding of John. It also confirmed her thoughts over the episode in the room. He thought she was Grayza. John was actually reliving those microts in his mind.
"What can we do about Scorpius, D'Argo? We can't let him take John!" If only she had known everything in the beginning! She would give anything to take her words back! The most loving being in the universe and she had helped spur his torment.
D'Argo couldn't meet her eyes now. "Didn't you think there would be a consequence to pay for Scorpius' help? I'm sorry Aeryn, there's nothing we can do."
Aeryn looked away from D'Argo, holding back the tears. She wanted to rail at the Luxan, but she knew he spoke the truth. John was in this position because of her. If only she had never left..
xxxxx
Chiana had finally gotten John to eat a small amount. She didn't like the way he looked. He only answered her questions, never offering anything like the old John did. Chiana could see why Aeryn was so concerned. John was not at all like his normal self.
Chiana laughed light-heartedly. "Come on old man, talk to me. You know I'm here for you."
John looked at her, his eyes still somewhat distant. "I know you are, Pip. Just nothing I want to talk about now. Got too many things to sort out."
John felt better after the shower. He just wished Aeryn hadn't seen him fall apart. John cringed remembering the touch that had unleashed the memories he thought he had under control. He finally realized it was Aeryn's hands, but too late. He knew he still couldn't separate his nightmares from reality. They just merged into one.
John was brought out of his thoughts as he heard Chiana's voice. "What do you want, Scorpius?"
Scorpius had been listening outside the door. "Just a few microts with John. Nothing that will hurt him."
Chiana didn't trust the hybrid, looking to John.
"It's ok Chi, I'll be alright," John said, his voice flat.
Before leaving the room, Chiana glanced at Scorpius, the look on her face served as a warning to him.
Scorpius merely nodded and waited for her to depart.
John looked away as Scorpius sat across from him. "What do you want, Scorpius? Spit it out and leave." After tomorrow, Scorpius would be John's only contact. He wanted to be free of him at least on his last night on Moya.
"I want to remind you to be ready to leave tomorrow. You will start a new life John Crichton, working as a scientist again, this time for me," Scorpius replied, studying John's reaction.
John's facial expression never changed as Scorpius spoke. He was learning quickly how to block the voices out, hearing only what he wanted. Turning to Scorpius, John said, "Is that it?" The half - Scarran nodded. "Goodbye, Scorpy." John rose from his seat, moving toward his bed.
Scorpius realized John had dismissed him. "I assure you things will be different on the planet, John. I will be in total control, and you will do my bidding!"
John stiffened, not needing this tonight. "Save it, Scorpy. You'll have plenty of time later to screw with me." What lay ahead of him, he didn't know, he could only imagine what Scorpius' plans were.
"One more thing, John. Please ask your friends to stop pleading your case. I have made my decision," Scorpius stated, watching John's back.
"Don't know what you're talking about," John replied, sitting on the bed. "I'd kinda like to get some sleep tonight, if you don't mind." It took all of John's strength to keep himself under control, fearing the dam was getting ready to break. He could never expose himself so openly to him.
"Very well, John. Until tomorrow," Scorpius replied, unsure of the man before him.
xxxxx
Aeryn walked away from command, desolate, D'Argo's words ringing in her ears, 'there's nothing we can do.' This was new to Aeryn. In the past they had always found alternatives, at least John had. She didn't know how not to fight, it went against her breeding. If D'Argo wanted to give up so be it, but that didn't mean she had to. Aeryn was more determined than ever to find a way to stop Scorpius. With that thought firmly in her mind Aeryn went to be with John.
xxxxx
Chiana returned after Scorpius left John's quarters. The human convinced Chiana that he was fine and didn't need a babysitter anymore. John only wanted to be left alone where he could descend into his own world.
The hum of Moya was all John could hear, comforting him. John pulled the privacy curtain and lowered the lights in his quarters, hoping to deter anyone from entering. He settled himself on the floor in the corner of the room, deciding his bed held no comfort for him anymore. After tonight, it would only be a distant part of his memory like everything on Moya. John slid a knee up and hung his arm over it, the coolness of the wall feeling good against his back.
"Commander Crichton?" Pilot called over the comm. "Is everything all right? The Drds were concerned when you pulled the curtain."
John smiled never knowing his little friends were watching over him. His smile quickly turned into a grimace when he realized there would be no one to look after them anymore. John felt another stab at the heart to add to his growing list, one that was getting too large for even him to handle anymore.
"Commander? Can you hear me?" Pilot asked, distressed.
John hung his head and replied, "Sorry Pilot. Don't worry about me. Just needed a little privacy." He fought back the tears that threatened, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes.
"I.understand John. Moya and I are truly disheartened by the turn of events. We want you to know we will miss you and to thank you for all you have done for us," Pilot replied sadly.
John could do nothing to stop the tears, the dam bursting open with all its might, as he listened to Pilot's words. They flowed freely down his cheeks as reality came crashing down upon him. He was leaving and would never return. What the hell had happened to his life? What had happened to John Crichton? When had he lost control of who he was?
In a cracked voice, John finally spoke. "Give my love to Moya, Pilot." He couldn't manage any more, his body trembling.
"Goodnight, Commander. I will leave you to your thoughts," Pilot replied, detecting the change in John's voice. Pilot thought about calling Officer Sun, but decided to honor Crichton's right to his privacy. He knew it was the last thing he would ever do for him.
John rose to his feet and stumbled, the tears blurring his vision. He walked slowly over to his bag and picked up his constant companion, fingering his familiar friend. John stared at Winona, turning her over slowly in his hand, contemplating his life.
John felt his legs go weak and he dropped to the floor, still cradling the one thing he had always been able to rely on. She was the only thing that had never let him down, the one thing he could be sure of in this miserable universe.
John brought his knees up and dropped the pistol to the floor, leaning his head against his propped hand. 'Hell, I can't even be sure of myself anymore,' John thought to himself, snickering through the tears that still racked through his body. 'Damn, I am so tired.' John leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
John flinched when the flashes intruded on his depressed mind. His soul said no, but he was too weak to fight. John let the emerging rage take over. He picked up his pulse pistol and jumped to his feet. The screams left his lips, the rage filling his whole being.
"Just leave my frelling mind alone! Leave me the hell alone!" John's ranting grew louder as the tears flowed harder. He was waving Winona wildly through the air, not aiming her in any one direction. "Someone tell me why I have to be the target of this frelled up Universe! What gives you the right?"
John's rage was weakening, along with his body. He fell silent and dropped to his knees, his breathing harsh. Holding Winona in both hands, he dropped his head and said in a parched, tired voice, "Why? Why me?"
Part 11 will be posted on Thursday.