The Price Part 11
By: Can (lucyc_23455@yahoo.com)
Spoilers: Up to WWL Part 2
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them
Well, sorry everyone. I had to go without a beta on this chapter. I hope you all still like it. I want to send out a huge THANK YOU to Still Waters for helping me on this fic.
A big THANK YOU to everyone who read it, and many thanks for the great replies!
Aeryn heard his rant down the passageway. Taking off at a dead run she burst into John's room, stopping in her tracks at the sight before her. Aeryn felt the terror run through her veins, seeing John on his knees, the tears flowing, holding the pulse pistol in his hands.
Aeryn stepped carefully not wanting to startle John. She watched as he slowly raised the pulse pistol, and aimed it under his chin. In a soothing tone she said, "John, please put the gun down. It's not what you want, really." Aeryn lowered herself to the floor, now in John's line of vision and continued. "John Crichton wouldn't resort to that." Aeryn held her breath, hoping she could break down the walls that imprisoned his mind.
John looked up at her, the misery displayed in his tears and blank eyes. "Aeryn... John Crichton's dead. What's left?" He fell back from his knees and dropped the pistol, knowing deep in his heart he couldn't do it, as much as he wanted it. John sat in a heap, sobbing and trembling, all his hopes and dreams stripped away.
Aeryn quickly moved towards John, intent on getting the pistol out of his reach. When she reached him, Aeryn kicked the pistol across the floor. Relief flooded through her as she reached for John's shaking form. He pulled away slightly, ashamed she had seen him like this.
Aeryn hesitated for a microt, before speaking. "You have me John. Always and forever, never forget that," Aeryn said, as John felt her warm arms embrace him. Aeryn held his broken body close to her, feeling his sobs against her. She felt her own tears streaming down her face knowing how close she came to losing him for good. Aeryn never imagined John could sink so deeply into despair. He had always bounced back quickly, but not this time, this torment was insurmountable for him.
"Only tonight.Aeryn. After." John never finished the statement, pain seizing his heart, taking it to an unbearable level, as he clung to her, only trying to hold on. He didn't want to fall back into the agony that beckoned at his doorstep. John knew the way out, knew how to stop all the memories, but he hadn't found the courage to take that path.
"Shh, John." Aeryn held him in her embrace all night, never moving. They finally fell asleep, holding onto each other. She was grateful he had finally found some peace, but tomorrow..
xxxxx
D'Argo went to John's quarters when no one answered his comm. Scorpius was badgering him on John's whereabouts since the planet was in range.
When D'Argo entered John's cell, he felt a lump form in his throat. John lay like a child, embraced in Aeryn's arms. He didn't have the heart to come between them at this microt. For once John was in peace. D'Argo could see it in his face, the lines gone, and contentment in its place. He walked out, willing to shield him for a few more arns if he could.
Returning to command, D'Argo told Scorpius John wasn't ready yet.
Scorpius sneered, "I told him to be ready when we were in range. Why can't he ever do as I ask?"
D'Argo listened to his rant in disgust. "Scorpius, the planet's not going anywhere. What harm is there in letting John say his goodbyes?"
Scorpius calmed down and relented. "None I suppose. I can at least allow him that." The hybrid didn't want anything to go wrong with the agreement as he continued. "After you deliver us to the planet, Moya will starburst as agreed, Ka D'Argo."
D'Argo hesitated for a microt, staring at the console, finding this harder than he ever imagined it could be. He nodded his head in agreement. "Of course, Scorpius." The distaste in his mouth was growing by the microt, as he thought 'How can this be happening?'
"As long as you understand, D'Argo, " Scorpius replied, staring suspiciously at the Luxan. "I think two arns should be sufficient time for Crichton to say his.goodbyes. Two arns, D'Argo no more."
D'Argo nodded, as Scorpius left command.
xxxxx
John woke, feeling safe in the arms that embraced him. He nuzzled in them knowing he was feeling them for the last time. Today he would have to leave with Scorpy. It was the only honorable thing he could do. He had promised this in exchange for Aeryn's life. Looking up at her face he knew it was worth it. His love for her was the greatest gift he could give her. She had shown her love for him last night, when he was at the lowest point in his life. With that he could face what the future held with Scorpius. He would always hold onto it and seek it when he felt there was nothing left for him.
John carefully pulled away from Aeryn. He knew it would be less painful if he could leave without having to see her again. John studied every part of her face and traced his fingers across her cheeks and mouth. When he closed his eyes, he only wanted to remember this moment. He would take the feel of her skin with him in his heart. John leaned down and softly brushed his lips over hers.
John rose from the floor wishing things had been different, but knew he had to follow the course that had been dealt him. He cleaned himself up quickly and went to pack, stopping himself. John decided to leave everything on Moya. That's where it all belonged. He wouldn't be the John Crichton he knew anymore, just an instrument for someone else. It didn't belong with him, it was Aeryn's if she wanted it.
Glancing at Aeryn one last time, John whispered the words in his heart, "I love you beyond hope, Aeryn Sun." He quickly wiped away the few tears and left his quarters for the last time.
xxxxx
The rest of the crew was waiting for John in the center chamber except for D'Argo, he was in command and would see him later. John had asked Pilot to comm them, wanting to say his goodbyes there.
John stood outside the chamber taking a deep breath to compose himself. He stepped inside the room with a smile on his face for their sake. Chiana, Sikozu and Rygel were sitting around the table. Granny was experimenting with her herbs over the kettle. John could see that Chiana was crying, as she rose from the chair and fell into his arms.
"Whoa, there Pip." John said tenderly, holding her in his arms. "No reason for tears. I'm going to be just fine and so will you. D'Argo will keep you out of trouble now."
Chiana giggled now, trying to dry her eyes. "I'm going to miss you so much, John. It won't be the same around here without you," She looked away fighting the tears. "You'll be back, won't you?"
John sobered, "Chiana, take care of her for me." Chiana and John's eyes locked for a microt, Chiana nodded as they hugged one last time. She quickly left the chamber, her face stained with tears. John dropped his head momentarily, as he felt Chiana's hand slip away.
Noranti walked over to John, seeing the pain the human was in. She put her hand lightly on his forehead. "Have no fear, John. You will be back with us one day. I see it. If you like I can give you something for the pain."
John smiled and shook his head. "Naw, Granny. I think I'll go solo on this one. But thanks anyway." Always pushing her herbs, John thought to himself. She's never going to change.
"Trust, John. Keep the trust in your heart, it will lead you back," Noranti replied, returning back to her cooking.
John walked over to Sikozu who was still sitting. "Well Sputnik, I guess its goodbye," John said, never really getting to know the newest member of the crew. "Take care of yourself."
"I will Crichton," Sikozu replied, walking out of the room.
This was harder on John than he thought it would be. The idea of everyone being in the bay when he left would be too painful for him and he thought this to be the best alternative, but it hurt too much. John felt the tears start to well, pushing them back. He knew Rygel was still in the room.
"I understand Crichton. You don't have to try to hide it from me. I have been through many painful microts myself. Goodbyes are always the worst ones," Rygel offered. "For me.take care Crichton and remember, you shared something special with Zhaan, keep it in your heart. It's still there."
The mere mention of Zhaan sent John reeling, opening yet another wound from a different time. John dropped his body in a chair. He leaned forward and put his face into his hands, running them through his hair. John loved Zhaan, and had always felt responsible for her death. Standing, he thought to himself, 'Well at least I don't have to worry about people dying over me anymore.' For a moment John could see her smiling face in front of him. He pushed the memory away and left the chamber.
xxxxx
Aeryn woke startled, wondering why she was lying on the floor. The last few solar days had taken its toll on her also. Last night was the first night she had fallen asleep.
Aeryn jumped up quickly, realizing John had been in her arms. 'Where the frell was he?' She asked herself, looking around the room. She felt the panic start to rise. Aeryn called out, "John.John.answer me!" She hurriedly checked the water closet, but saw no sign of him. Her heart sank for a microt, thinking he was already gone. Aeryn turned quickly to his bag. Relief washed over her seeing it was still in the same place.
She quickly left the cell in search of John.
xxxxx
D'Argo was busy in command, plotting the coordinates for the planet. The last thing they needed was to send the pod to the wrong planet. "Pilot, please send the coordinates to the transport. They are finished."
Pilot replied in a sad voice, " I am sending them now, Ka D'Argo."
Scorpius stormed into command, interrupting the rest of D'Argo's work.
"D'Argo, notify Crichton he has half an arn to meet me in the landing bay! I will not wait a microt more!" Scorpius ordered, seething. The delay was starting to put him on edge and it was time to change his cooling rod. "I will be in my quarters for a few microts. I expect Crichton to be ready when I return!"
"Yes sir!" D'Argo replied sarcastically, growling under his breath. 'Frelling half-breed!' D'Argo opened the comm link, "John, can you hear me?"
"Yeah D, what's up?" John asked, sitting and enjoying the serenity of the terrace. It was his last stop before leaving Moya. John's soul filled with all the joyous memories this room held for him. It was his haven. He had spent his best times on Moya in this room.
"Scorpius! He's demanding for you to be in the landing bay in half an arn. I don't think I can hold him off any longer," D'Argo replied, frustrated he couldn't do anything to help John.
John breathed in heavily, knowing it was time. "Don't worry, I'll be ready," he said in a cracked voice, getting to his feet.
D'Argo dropped his head, hearing the change in John's voice. "I'm sorry, my friend."
xxxxx
Aeryn was frantic. There was only one more place to check before heading to command in search of answers. Aeryn found herself standing outside the terrace. She didn't think John would leave before coming here.
Aeryn palmed the door open and saw the still figure standing in the middle of the room. She walked quietly over to him and stood behind John, putting her arms around his neck. Aeryn softly asked, "What are you thinking about?"
John reached up and rubbed his hand across her arms. "How we got to this point. What frelled us up so much. why we couldn't work it out." His voice ached as he spoke his thoughts. "You shouldn't have come here, Aeryn." John pulled away and tried to go around her. He didn't want to say goodbye.
Aeryn stepped in front of him, blocking his exit. "Wait, John," she said, the pain from the night before still fresh in her mind. "I can't answer your questions because I don't know the answers, but I do know we have both changed. We have a chance to make it work this time."
John sighed, reaching out to caress her face. His eyes took in every curve of her face as he replied, "It's too late, Aeryn. I gotta go with Scorpy." John dropped his hand as reality struck. He couldn't allow himself to start to feel too much, knowing what was ahead of him. John had to stay inside the walls of his mind to survive.
Aeryn knew she wasn't getting through to him as she bit back the tears that threatened. "John, please listen. We're together again, I don't want you to leave. I can."
John shook his head and stepped away from her as he closed his eyes. "No Aeryn!" The calm John felt turned into pain, the tears sliding down his face. He opened his eyes and grabbed her arms, pleading, "Please babe.don't do this to me, I. can't take it."
Aeryn's heart broke seeing the tears on John's face. She slowly stepped to him and wiped them away. Aeryn hadn't realized how much distress this would cause him. Now she knew John had purposely tried to avoid her after last night for this very reason. Aeryn couldn't let him leave like this. "I understand, John and I'm sorry," she said, taking him in her embrace. John responded, trying to quell the tears. "Maybe I have to let you go, but I will come back for you. I promise."
John allowed her to hold him for a few microts, her arms so warm around him. He would hold this in his memory for when the darkness tried to ebb it's way back in.
John backed up wiping his face. "I love you with all my heart, Aeryn. That's.why this hurts so.damned much." John said, taking a deep breath, turning and walking away.
Aeryn felt her own tears, watching him leave, as she finally said the words she knew he had always wanted to hear. "John, I love you.beyond hope."
John paused in med-step hearing her words, the pain slicing through his heart, almost causing his knees to buckle. He felt his resolve start to crumble, when John felt Aeryn by his side, taking his hand in hers.
Brushing the side of his face Aeryn asked, "Are we ready?"
John nodded not daring to speak for fear the dam would burst again. He couldn't afford to meet Scorpius that way. They slowly walked to the hanger bay together.
xxxxx
Scorpius was waiting with D'Argo when John and Aeryn entered the landing bay. John's step slowed as he stared at the half-breed, the fear gripping him. That was one thing John never thought he would ever stop feeling around the hybrid.
Scorpius leered, knowing he was having an effect on the human. His encounter with John the night before had him slightly puzzled, but whatever block John had put up was gone now.
D'Argo met John and Aeryn half way and turned back to Scorpius. "I would like a few microts with John, Scorpius," D'Argo said. He wasn't asking permission, he was telling him.
"Very well, Ka D'Argo. I will check the pod while you two.talk," Scorpius replied. He was so close now he could taste it. The day he had longed for had finally come.
Aeryn stepped away allowing D'Argo to say his goodbyes to John in private. She had vowed to John she would bring him back, and she would.
John sighed slightly, standing in front of D'Argo. They had come so far from the first time they had met. D'Argo had hated him in the early days, but now they would trust their life in the others hands. This was his friend and he would never forget.
D'Argo was having a hard time facing John. He felt useless, never believing the day would come when he couldn't help his friend. "John.I don't know what to.say. I can't say.."
"You don't need to say anything D. Just promise me you'll take care of everyone. That's all I need from you," John replied, looking away.
D'Argo grabbed him, hugging him tightly. "I promise, John. I'll never forget you my friend!" D'Argo released John and turned away, his shoulders hunched over in sorrow
Scorpius stared at John, with a leering grin on his face. "It's time John. You've said all your.goodbyes. Don't worry, I'll return you when I have what I want."
John's stomach was churning, the thought of being with Scorpius becoming too much to bear. Since being thrown into this universe all he had known was pain and that seemed to be the way his life was going to end, in pain, at the hands of a madman. 'What the hell did you expect?' He thought to himself, as he felt despair grip him. It was at every turn in his life, even with Aeryn. John chuckled softly to himself, 'I finally get the girl and can't have her! So much for fate.' He turned his back on Scorpius, taking in a deep breath. If he had to leave he would do it with his head up. He could never show Scorpius any weakness. He would only use it against him.
John turned. "Lets do it then," John said walking toward the pod. He glanced over his shoulder at D'Argo, "Remember your promise D!"
"I will, John," Dargo replied, watching his friend leaving with the hybrid.
Aeryn stood stiffly by the Luxan, watching John's departure unfold before her eyes. She had to talk to him one last time as she rushed to John's side.
Scorpius pushed Aeryn away. "Enough, Officer Sun! We must leave now!"
John stepped between them. "Hold on a microt Scorpius. You go ahead, I'll be right behind you." John dreaded this, but he wouldn't allow any harm to come to Aeryn. It would be better to listen to her, than a fight to break out between her and Scorpius.
"Only a microt, Crichton!" Scorpius stepped towards the pod and waited for John.
Turning to Aeryn, John asked, softly, "What, babe? You know I gotta go."
Aeryn stared deeply into John's eyes then leaned into him and whispered in his ear, "Remember. you'll always have my heart." She slowly turned and walked the other way, passing D'Argo on her way out of the landing bay.
John dropped his head, but not in sadness. Her final words made his heart swell with happiness, relishing the moment. John knew he had to leave but he was taking her love with him, something he hadn't had for a long time.
John looked up and stared at the bay one last time before turning and walking to the vessel in silence. He boarded the pod sure he would return someday if Aeryn had anything to say about it. John had hope again knowing she was always true to her word.
Well, sorry everyone. I had to go without a beta on this chapter. I hope you all still like it. I want to send out a huge THANK YOU to Still Waters for helping me on this fic.
A big THANK YOU to everyone who read it, and many thanks for the great replies!
Aeryn heard his rant down the passageway. Taking off at a dead run she burst into John's room, stopping in her tracks at the sight before her. Aeryn felt the terror run through her veins, seeing John on his knees, the tears flowing, holding the pulse pistol in his hands.
Aeryn stepped carefully not wanting to startle John. She watched as he slowly raised the pulse pistol, and aimed it under his chin. In a soothing tone she said, "John, please put the gun down. It's not what you want, really." Aeryn lowered herself to the floor, now in John's line of vision and continued. "John Crichton wouldn't resort to that." Aeryn held her breath, hoping she could break down the walls that imprisoned his mind.
John looked up at her, the misery displayed in his tears and blank eyes. "Aeryn... John Crichton's dead. What's left?" He fell back from his knees and dropped the pistol, knowing deep in his heart he couldn't do it, as much as he wanted it. John sat in a heap, sobbing and trembling, all his hopes and dreams stripped away.
Aeryn quickly moved towards John, intent on getting the pistol out of his reach. When she reached him, Aeryn kicked the pistol across the floor. Relief flooded through her as she reached for John's shaking form. He pulled away slightly, ashamed she had seen him like this.
Aeryn hesitated for a microt, before speaking. "You have me John. Always and forever, never forget that," Aeryn said, as John felt her warm arms embrace him. Aeryn held his broken body close to her, feeling his sobs against her. She felt her own tears streaming down her face knowing how close she came to losing him for good. Aeryn never imagined John could sink so deeply into despair. He had always bounced back quickly, but not this time, this torment was insurmountable for him.
"Only tonight.Aeryn. After." John never finished the statement, pain seizing his heart, taking it to an unbearable level, as he clung to her, only trying to hold on. He didn't want to fall back into the agony that beckoned at his doorstep. John knew the way out, knew how to stop all the memories, but he hadn't found the courage to take that path.
"Shh, John." Aeryn held him in her embrace all night, never moving. They finally fell asleep, holding onto each other. She was grateful he had finally found some peace, but tomorrow..
xxxxx
D'Argo went to John's quarters when no one answered his comm. Scorpius was badgering him on John's whereabouts since the planet was in range.
When D'Argo entered John's cell, he felt a lump form in his throat. John lay like a child, embraced in Aeryn's arms. He didn't have the heart to come between them at this microt. For once John was in peace. D'Argo could see it in his face, the lines gone, and contentment in its place. He walked out, willing to shield him for a few more arns if he could.
Returning to command, D'Argo told Scorpius John wasn't ready yet.
Scorpius sneered, "I told him to be ready when we were in range. Why can't he ever do as I ask?"
D'Argo listened to his rant in disgust. "Scorpius, the planet's not going anywhere. What harm is there in letting John say his goodbyes?"
Scorpius calmed down and relented. "None I suppose. I can at least allow him that." The hybrid didn't want anything to go wrong with the agreement as he continued. "After you deliver us to the planet, Moya will starburst as agreed, Ka D'Argo."
D'Argo hesitated for a microt, staring at the console, finding this harder than he ever imagined it could be. He nodded his head in agreement. "Of course, Scorpius." The distaste in his mouth was growing by the microt, as he thought 'How can this be happening?'
"As long as you understand, D'Argo, " Scorpius replied, staring suspiciously at the Luxan. "I think two arns should be sufficient time for Crichton to say his.goodbyes. Two arns, D'Argo no more."
D'Argo nodded, as Scorpius left command.
xxxxx
John woke, feeling safe in the arms that embraced him. He nuzzled in them knowing he was feeling them for the last time. Today he would have to leave with Scorpy. It was the only honorable thing he could do. He had promised this in exchange for Aeryn's life. Looking up at her face he knew it was worth it. His love for her was the greatest gift he could give her. She had shown her love for him last night, when he was at the lowest point in his life. With that he could face what the future held with Scorpius. He would always hold onto it and seek it when he felt there was nothing left for him.
John carefully pulled away from Aeryn. He knew it would be less painful if he could leave without having to see her again. John studied every part of her face and traced his fingers across her cheeks and mouth. When he closed his eyes, he only wanted to remember this moment. He would take the feel of her skin with him in his heart. John leaned down and softly brushed his lips over hers.
John rose from the floor wishing things had been different, but knew he had to follow the course that had been dealt him. He cleaned himself up quickly and went to pack, stopping himself. John decided to leave everything on Moya. That's where it all belonged. He wouldn't be the John Crichton he knew anymore, just an instrument for someone else. It didn't belong with him, it was Aeryn's if she wanted it.
Glancing at Aeryn one last time, John whispered the words in his heart, "I love you beyond hope, Aeryn Sun." He quickly wiped away the few tears and left his quarters for the last time.
xxxxx
The rest of the crew was waiting for John in the center chamber except for D'Argo, he was in command and would see him later. John had asked Pilot to comm them, wanting to say his goodbyes there.
John stood outside the chamber taking a deep breath to compose himself. He stepped inside the room with a smile on his face for their sake. Chiana, Sikozu and Rygel were sitting around the table. Granny was experimenting with her herbs over the kettle. John could see that Chiana was crying, as she rose from the chair and fell into his arms.
"Whoa, there Pip." John said tenderly, holding her in his arms. "No reason for tears. I'm going to be just fine and so will you. D'Argo will keep you out of trouble now."
Chiana giggled now, trying to dry her eyes. "I'm going to miss you so much, John. It won't be the same around here without you," She looked away fighting the tears. "You'll be back, won't you?"
John sobered, "Chiana, take care of her for me." Chiana and John's eyes locked for a microt, Chiana nodded as they hugged one last time. She quickly left the chamber, her face stained with tears. John dropped his head momentarily, as he felt Chiana's hand slip away.
Noranti walked over to John, seeing the pain the human was in. She put her hand lightly on his forehead. "Have no fear, John. You will be back with us one day. I see it. If you like I can give you something for the pain."
John smiled and shook his head. "Naw, Granny. I think I'll go solo on this one. But thanks anyway." Always pushing her herbs, John thought to himself. She's never going to change.
"Trust, John. Keep the trust in your heart, it will lead you back," Noranti replied, returning back to her cooking.
John walked over to Sikozu who was still sitting. "Well Sputnik, I guess its goodbye," John said, never really getting to know the newest member of the crew. "Take care of yourself."
"I will Crichton," Sikozu replied, walking out of the room.
This was harder on John than he thought it would be. The idea of everyone being in the bay when he left would be too painful for him and he thought this to be the best alternative, but it hurt too much. John felt the tears start to well, pushing them back. He knew Rygel was still in the room.
"I understand Crichton. You don't have to try to hide it from me. I have been through many painful microts myself. Goodbyes are always the worst ones," Rygel offered. "For me.take care Crichton and remember, you shared something special with Zhaan, keep it in your heart. It's still there."
The mere mention of Zhaan sent John reeling, opening yet another wound from a different time. John dropped his body in a chair. He leaned forward and put his face into his hands, running them through his hair. John loved Zhaan, and had always felt responsible for her death. Standing, he thought to himself, 'Well at least I don't have to worry about people dying over me anymore.' For a moment John could see her smiling face in front of him. He pushed the memory away and left the chamber.
xxxxx
Aeryn woke startled, wondering why she was lying on the floor. The last few solar days had taken its toll on her also. Last night was the first night she had fallen asleep.
Aeryn jumped up quickly, realizing John had been in her arms. 'Where the frell was he?' She asked herself, looking around the room. She felt the panic start to rise. Aeryn called out, "John.John.answer me!" She hurriedly checked the water closet, but saw no sign of him. Her heart sank for a microt, thinking he was already gone. Aeryn turned quickly to his bag. Relief washed over her seeing it was still in the same place.
She quickly left the cell in search of John.
xxxxx
D'Argo was busy in command, plotting the coordinates for the planet. The last thing they needed was to send the pod to the wrong planet. "Pilot, please send the coordinates to the transport. They are finished."
Pilot replied in a sad voice, " I am sending them now, Ka D'Argo."
Scorpius stormed into command, interrupting the rest of D'Argo's work.
"D'Argo, notify Crichton he has half an arn to meet me in the landing bay! I will not wait a microt more!" Scorpius ordered, seething. The delay was starting to put him on edge and it was time to change his cooling rod. "I will be in my quarters for a few microts. I expect Crichton to be ready when I return!"
"Yes sir!" D'Argo replied sarcastically, growling under his breath. 'Frelling half-breed!' D'Argo opened the comm link, "John, can you hear me?"
"Yeah D, what's up?" John asked, sitting and enjoying the serenity of the terrace. It was his last stop before leaving Moya. John's soul filled with all the joyous memories this room held for him. It was his haven. He had spent his best times on Moya in this room.
"Scorpius! He's demanding for you to be in the landing bay in half an arn. I don't think I can hold him off any longer," D'Argo replied, frustrated he couldn't do anything to help John.
John breathed in heavily, knowing it was time. "Don't worry, I'll be ready," he said in a cracked voice, getting to his feet.
D'Argo dropped his head, hearing the change in John's voice. "I'm sorry, my friend."
xxxxx
Aeryn was frantic. There was only one more place to check before heading to command in search of answers. Aeryn found herself standing outside the terrace. She didn't think John would leave before coming here.
Aeryn palmed the door open and saw the still figure standing in the middle of the room. She walked quietly over to him and stood behind John, putting her arms around his neck. Aeryn softly asked, "What are you thinking about?"
John reached up and rubbed his hand across her arms. "How we got to this point. What frelled us up so much. why we couldn't work it out." His voice ached as he spoke his thoughts. "You shouldn't have come here, Aeryn." John pulled away and tried to go around her. He didn't want to say goodbye.
Aeryn stepped in front of him, blocking his exit. "Wait, John," she said, the pain from the night before still fresh in her mind. "I can't answer your questions because I don't know the answers, but I do know we have both changed. We have a chance to make it work this time."
John sighed, reaching out to caress her face. His eyes took in every curve of her face as he replied, "It's too late, Aeryn. I gotta go with Scorpy." John dropped his hand as reality struck. He couldn't allow himself to start to feel too much, knowing what was ahead of him. John had to stay inside the walls of his mind to survive.
Aeryn knew she wasn't getting through to him as she bit back the tears that threatened. "John, please listen. We're together again, I don't want you to leave. I can."
John shook his head and stepped away from her as he closed his eyes. "No Aeryn!" The calm John felt turned into pain, the tears sliding down his face. He opened his eyes and grabbed her arms, pleading, "Please babe.don't do this to me, I. can't take it."
Aeryn's heart broke seeing the tears on John's face. She slowly stepped to him and wiped them away. Aeryn hadn't realized how much distress this would cause him. Now she knew John had purposely tried to avoid her after last night for this very reason. Aeryn couldn't let him leave like this. "I understand, John and I'm sorry," she said, taking him in her embrace. John responded, trying to quell the tears. "Maybe I have to let you go, but I will come back for you. I promise."
John allowed her to hold him for a few microts, her arms so warm around him. He would hold this in his memory for when the darkness tried to ebb it's way back in.
John backed up wiping his face. "I love you with all my heart, Aeryn. That's.why this hurts so.damned much." John said, taking a deep breath, turning and walking away.
Aeryn felt her own tears, watching him leave, as she finally said the words she knew he had always wanted to hear. "John, I love you.beyond hope."
John paused in med-step hearing her words, the pain slicing through his heart, almost causing his knees to buckle. He felt his resolve start to crumble, when John felt Aeryn by his side, taking his hand in hers.
Brushing the side of his face Aeryn asked, "Are we ready?"
John nodded not daring to speak for fear the dam would burst again. He couldn't afford to meet Scorpius that way. They slowly walked to the hanger bay together.
xxxxx
Scorpius was waiting with D'Argo when John and Aeryn entered the landing bay. John's step slowed as he stared at the half-breed, the fear gripping him. That was one thing John never thought he would ever stop feeling around the hybrid.
Scorpius leered, knowing he was having an effect on the human. His encounter with John the night before had him slightly puzzled, but whatever block John had put up was gone now.
D'Argo met John and Aeryn half way and turned back to Scorpius. "I would like a few microts with John, Scorpius," D'Argo said. He wasn't asking permission, he was telling him.
"Very well, Ka D'Argo. I will check the pod while you two.talk," Scorpius replied. He was so close now he could taste it. The day he had longed for had finally come.
Aeryn stepped away allowing D'Argo to say his goodbyes to John in private. She had vowed to John she would bring him back, and she would.
John sighed slightly, standing in front of D'Argo. They had come so far from the first time they had met. D'Argo had hated him in the early days, but now they would trust their life in the others hands. This was his friend and he would never forget.
D'Argo was having a hard time facing John. He felt useless, never believing the day would come when he couldn't help his friend. "John.I don't know what to.say. I can't say.."
"You don't need to say anything D. Just promise me you'll take care of everyone. That's all I need from you," John replied, looking away.
D'Argo grabbed him, hugging him tightly. "I promise, John. I'll never forget you my friend!" D'Argo released John and turned away, his shoulders hunched over in sorrow
Scorpius stared at John, with a leering grin on his face. "It's time John. You've said all your.goodbyes. Don't worry, I'll return you when I have what I want."
John's stomach was churning, the thought of being with Scorpius becoming too much to bear. Since being thrown into this universe all he had known was pain and that seemed to be the way his life was going to end, in pain, at the hands of a madman. 'What the hell did you expect?' He thought to himself, as he felt despair grip him. It was at every turn in his life, even with Aeryn. John chuckled softly to himself, 'I finally get the girl and can't have her! So much for fate.' He turned his back on Scorpius, taking in a deep breath. If he had to leave he would do it with his head up. He could never show Scorpius any weakness. He would only use it against him.
John turned. "Lets do it then," John said walking toward the pod. He glanced over his shoulder at D'Argo, "Remember your promise D!"
"I will, John," Dargo replied, watching his friend leaving with the hybrid.
Aeryn stood stiffly by the Luxan, watching John's departure unfold before her eyes. She had to talk to him one last time as she rushed to John's side.
Scorpius pushed Aeryn away. "Enough, Officer Sun! We must leave now!"
John stepped between them. "Hold on a microt Scorpius. You go ahead, I'll be right behind you." John dreaded this, but he wouldn't allow any harm to come to Aeryn. It would be better to listen to her, than a fight to break out between her and Scorpius.
"Only a microt, Crichton!" Scorpius stepped towards the pod and waited for John.
Turning to Aeryn, John asked, softly, "What, babe? You know I gotta go."
Aeryn stared deeply into John's eyes then leaned into him and whispered in his ear, "Remember. you'll always have my heart." She slowly turned and walked the other way, passing D'Argo on her way out of the landing bay.
John dropped his head, but not in sadness. Her final words made his heart swell with happiness, relishing the moment. John knew he had to leave but he was taking her love with him, something he hadn't had for a long time.
John looked up and stared at the bay one last time before turning and walking to the vessel in silence. He boarded the pod sure he would return someday if Aeryn had anything to say about it. John had hope again knowing she was always true to her word.