Disclaimer: The characters of Urusei Yatsura and Ranma ½ are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission.
Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.
~ Gilbert K. Chesterton ~
Part III:
The Beginning of a Chinese Ghost Story
The sound of something metal being dragged across the floor broke Ranma from his threat. Turning in the direction of the door, he saw that the entrance had been blocked by a large filing cabinet. He also saw a shaking and profusely sweating Ukyou leaning against the side of the cabinet. When her body slumped to the floor, Ranma rushed over to her.
Kneeling in front of her and resting his hands reassuringly on her shoulders, he vowed to get whomever it was who did this to Ukyou. "It's okay, Ucchan. I'm here for ya' now."
Gradually, Ukyou raised her head. Her faced was flushed and sweat had matted a great deal of her hair to her face. Her eyes were tightly closed as if fighting off an intense pain.
"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.
"Ya' Ucchan?"
Slowly, Ukyou's eyes opened and a rather lecherous smile spread across her face. Ranma instinctively got the impression that he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a very hungry cat. "I warned you not to come in here…"
It was a truly pitiable scene. Nodoka Saotome shook her had sadly and tried to console the weeping Akane. To think she had finally, after all these years, found her son. What a disappointment.
Shampoo and Kodachi just looked on in disgust. Both were certain they would have killed him too.
"Please, Ma'am, We're very sorry about your son, but we need you to clear the area," the police officer said calmly.
Nodoka nodded and with a last look back at her nude son and the crying nude Ukyou, she left the now crowded nurse's office.
As a photographer continued to take photographs of the corpse of Ranma Saotome for the evenings news, the coroner walked over to the lead officer at the crime scene. "It's just a preliminary guess right now, but I would say it was congenital heart disease."
The officer nodded in understanding. "Died in the middle of it, huh?"
"Yeah, I hear his fiancée walked in on the two of them and he just keeled over." The coroner shook his head. "Can you think of anything more embarrassing than that?"
"Nope," the officer agreed.
'And that's what will happen if you don't stop this!' the reasonable voice inside Ranma's head that kept in him chaste and alive warned.
'Why are you always so pessimistic? It doesn't have happen like that…' an opposing voice began. This was the voice Ranma listened to in battle, the instinct that drove him to conquer and dominate.
"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.
"Ya' Ucchan?"
Slowly, Ukyou's eyes opened and a rather lecherous smile spread across her face. Ranma instinctively got the impression that he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a very hungry cat. "I warned you not to come in here…"
"SIX TIMES! Oh… Oh… Ranma, you STALLION, you!" and with that Ukyou's nude form collapsed unconscious.
'Now maybe she'll leave me alone,' Ranma thought, getting ready to put his pant's back on. He didn't get the chance however as both Shampoo and Kodachi crashed through the shaded windows of the darkened nurse's office.
"Ranma! What you do with Spatula girl! You Shampoo's husband!" the Amazon said and took a menacing step towards Ranma.
"I think not, harridan. Ranma's intended is none other than I, Kodachi Kuno."
"What you talking! Ranma is Shampoo's!" Shampoo yelled and leaped at the leotard dressed Kuno. The two crashed into a shelf, forcing a can of baby oil to fall and spill all over them. As the two continued to wrestle, the sound of clothing being torn soon filled the room and before long, both were nude their bodies glistening and slicker than a room full of politicians.
A part of Ranma wanted to stay and enjoy the show, but a much larger part wanted to flee before 'you know who' showed up. Unfortunately, the thought came to him too late.
"RAAAANMAAAA!"
Slowly, Ranma's head turned toward the large filing cabinet Ukyou had placed in front of the room's lone door.
"Akane… Akane, um…"
Before he could say any more, the filing cabinet flew from in front of the door, leaving Akane silhouetted in the door way. Without further word, Akane walked in to the office and looked around. Her gaze moved from the naked oil wrestling of Shampoo and Kodachi, to the sleeping nude form of Ukyou before settling on Ranma.
"I… I can ex… explain," Ranma stuttered.
Akane just glared at him. Ranma just knew he was a dead man. That was… until Akane ripped off her school uniform with a simple tug of her hand, revealing a black negligee.
'…'
'What?' Ranma instinctive voice wanted to know.
'…'
"What! It could happen!'
'…'
'Hey! An inner voice can dream can it.' Reason was never any fun.
"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.
It's strange… the thoughts that pass through a man's mind when a woman sticks her tongue in his ear.
Ranma's eyes snapped open and he ripped himself from Ukyou's hold. After countless battles and attacks, someone had finally found his weakness, one he didn't even know he had. Luckily, none of his opponents had ever thought to stick their tongue in his ear. Frantically, he looked about the room for an exit. The only ways out were the door and…
Ukyou followed Ranma's gaze to the windows that lined the opposing wall. 'Oh, no, you don't,' she thought. Ukyou had no idea where she was getting this burning desire from, but she liked where it was going. She licked the dryness from her lips and stood up.
Ranma looked over at Ukyou, who was doing her darnedest to look seductive. Unfortunately for her she didn't look nearly as alluring as the window Ranma made a mad dash for. Ukyou tried to cutoff his escape, but he was a little too quick for her. She did manage to grab hold of his shirt, which ripped off as he leapt from the second story window.
Ranma ventured a look back up to the window of the nurse's office. In the window frame, Ukyou pouted down at him, but appeared content to stay where she was. Ranma gave a sigh in relief and made his way to his morning classes or what was left of them. Idly, he wondered what could have gotten into Ukyou's head. He knew he was a stud and all, but Ukyou usually had some measure of control. He also wondered if Akane was the kind of girl who would stick her tongue in his ear, nah, not that uncute tomboy.
Soun looked over at Genma, who nodded his head in acknowledgement. The two men stealthily approached the door to the room. When a floorboard creaked under the men's weight, both froze, Soun's grip around his sword tightened and Genma clenched his fists. Having waited a moment or two without sign that their quarry had sensed them, the two fathers' posture relaxed for second before returning to their offensive stances. Pressing themselves against the wall on each side of the bedroom door, Genma reached out for the doorknob and slowly turned it.
As the door quietly creaked open, Soun peered inside. Their target was sitting with his back to the door. It was now or never.
"Guide my blade," Soun intoned to himself. "As it seeks to vanquish this evil from our home," He finished and lifted the sword over his head, preparing to charge.
"Amen to that, Tendo," Genma added. "On three…" Genma held up three fingers.
'One…' They counted to themselves. Genma dropped a finger.
'…Two…' The figure in the room continued about his business, oblivious to his impending demise.
'…THREE!' Genma dropped the third finger and he and Soun burst into the room with all the agility and speed they could muster. Soun's blade came down swiftly and forcefully, while Genma delivered a blow that few on the planet would have survived. Regrettably, the sack of lingerie just refused to die. The two men had little time to reflect on where their target disappeared to before they themselves were brought down by a crushing blow from above. Someone had dropped a coffee table on their heads.
"You boys better pray that you didn't harm one of my silky dar…" Happosai caught himself. "…treasures."
Before Happosai could speak another word, Genma was ironing the wrinkles out Happosai's collection and Soun was gently massaging the aged martial artist master's shoulders.
"That's more like it," Happosai commented before taking a draw from his pipe. "You boys need a lot of work, trying to take me on with such a lame maneuver."
Both Soun and Genma stiffened.
"Ah… Master… You've got it all wrong. We weren't attacking you… it was…"
"…It was a mouse!"
"Ah… good one, Saotome! Yes, we saw a mouse."
"Whatever," Happosai sighed and took another puff from his pipe. Savoring the taste of the cherry tobacco as it wafted its way down his throat, Happosai removed the pipe from his mouth and looked at the old knotted wood. It seemed like ages since he last enjoyed a good smoke. His granddaughter would stop him whenever he tried to in her presence. He smiled at the thought of her. It was a very strange feeling for him.
"This… 'Granddaughter' of yours," Soun began, the memory of Natsumi and Kurumi coming to the fore in his mind. Happosai couldn't have actually ever really conceived a child. The very thought was… disturbing.
Startled out of his thoughts, Happosai went on the defensive, which to him was a strong offense. "What about her?" he said in menacing tone and craned his neck to glare at Soun.
"…Is very lovely. Yes, very lovely," Soun said quickly through a fear filled smile. Soun continued his massage. "She has been trained in the Art." It was a statement, not a question.
Happosai took a moment to think of a proper response. He took another puff from his pipe and slowly exhaled before answering. "Although she has the aptitude, she lacks the concentration necessary for the more complex kata's and forms. Stringing together attacks is not something she does well," Happosai said thoughtfully. 'She's always getting distracted.'
"A disappointment then," Genma commented holding up a freshly pressed black negligee for his master's inspection.
"Hardly," Happosai answered harshly back. "And watch where you put those creases! While not a 'brawler', she has put together a kind of 'Hit and Run Rope a Dope' style," he finished with a smile.
The people cowered in the alleyways, the storefronts and anywhere they could find shelter. It had been a peaceful and quiet six months, but the constant din of small explosives and the showering rain of shattered glass heralded the end of the "Pax ~ Tomobiki".
"They" had returned…
…And all Hell followed with them.
"Founding School of Anything Goes Martial Arts! Happo-Fire-Burst!" The strange girl shouted, reaching into her backpack and pulling out small bombs with the fuses somehow already lit. She threw them, one after another, at the miniature monk, who was running after her.
Cherry hopped over one explosion and then ran up the side of a wall to avoid the next. "This is no way to treat the aged of Japan, young man," Cherry chastised.
Aya watched as Cherry easily dodged everything she threw at him with his palms clasped together in that annoying religious pose of his. "You FREAK! Why won't you leave me alone!" Aya checked her watch. She was *really* late for her first day at St. Hebreke now. She had to end this.
As the smoke from the bombs cleared, Cherry stood in front of Aya shaking his head disapprovingly. "As a man who has dedicated himself to the elimination of evil, it is my duty to follow you and minimize the evil you emanate. Dark spirits are attracted to your iniquitous nature. You should be grateful I take such interest in…"
"Cherry, say 'Ahh'." Aya was holding up a nice ripe melon.
"Ahh" Cherry enthused, saliva running unchecked down the sides of his mouth.
Aya tossed the melon in to the air and followed its trajectory down to Cherry's mouth who snapped it up, not noticing the lighted fuse protruding from it. As it disappeared down his throat, Aya stuck her fingers in her ears and ducked.
Shinobu, carrying Ten and followed by the normal hangers-on finally caught up to Lum, who had paused in the middle of the street. Shinobu looked worriedly at the harried looking oni as she floated in the air peering down the road. The past six months had been hard on Lum, very hard.
Very few people believed Ten's story of what happened the night Ataru disappeared. Even Shinobu admitted to herself that the scene of a gang of pirates abducting Ataru despite Ten's attempts to stop them was pretty ridiculous. Most people thought Ataru had simply tired of the domineering Lum interfering with his girl chasing and followed some pretty young thing to who knows where. Shinobu knew better though.
Even if Ten was lying, Ataru wouldn't have stayed away this long of his own volition. Despite what some might think, Shinobu knew that there was very little that could keep Lum and Ataru apart. Shinobu knew, because for a time, she had spent her very all trying to do just that. Nothing or no one could come between those two. It seemed that she and Lum were the only ones to understand that fundamental truth. The rumors were constant and Shinobu was concerned that the alien had finally lost her hold. Cautiously she approached Lum to ask her what had her acting so strange. Ran beat her to the punch, however.
"Oh no! Lum has finally gone insane from her Darling dumping her just like she dumped poor Rei. Isn't it terrible? *snicker*"
Lum didn't answer, but paused in the
middle of the street and quickly rose in the air. Squinting her eyes, she tried
to focus on something in the distance, there was a plume of smoke billowing up
into the air several blocks away.
"What's wrong Lum," Shinobu asked again.
Suddenly, Lum broke out in a huge smile, her first smile in six months
and quickly flew in the direction of the plume of smoke.
The others again took up pursuit, following as best they could. There were
people running in the opposite direction, making it difficult to follow the
flying oni.
Mendou stopped one of the panicking citizens. "What's going?" An explosion rocked the area and both men hit the ground.
"It's him… IT'S HIM!" The man screamed. He shook off Mendou's hand and resumed his running for dear life.
"Who is it?" Ran asked fearing the answer. She much more preferred the depressed Lum who needed a best friend such as herself over the always disgustingly happy Lum who just needed her Darling.
No one in the crowd would answer, as they were too busy fleeing for safety.
Lum had paused when she heard the man speak Few people in Tomobiki could "inspire" people the way her Darling could. Streams of arcing blue began to stream across her body. It had to be him!
"You don't think…" Shinobu ventured.
"…The idiot…" Ten continued.
A last explosion boomed from about two blocks a head of the group and all final doubt was removed from their minds by the sound that followed next. It started out as a soft giggle before swiftly becoming a bellowing laugh.
"DARLING! " "ATARU!" Both Lum and Shinobu shouted. Lum couldn't contain her glee any longer. She brought her arms close to her chest and began to shake with excitement, sparks dancing about her. Everyone around her had to duck as stray arcs of electricity sought the nearest metal object. "DAHHHLIING!" She raved and was off like a shot down the street. She had saved up a lot of "love" for her Darling and she was aching to unleash it.
Jariten quickly wiped away a stray tear before anyone could notice as Shinobu ran down the street as well, carrying him in her arms. He would fry that idiot good for abandoning his family like that and making Lum cry. Not that Jariten had missed that numbskull. Ten vowed never to let the moron out of his sight again. "It's gonna cost you a truckload of chocolate to get back on my good side!" Ten promised, happier than he been in a long time.
Mendou unsheathed his sword and smiled. At last it was time to prove once and for all who the better man was. The scion of the richest family in all Japan would put the upstart in his place and punish him for causing Lum such pain. "MOROBOSHI! I will cut you in twain for your transgressions against Miss Lum! Prepare yourself!" And he too ran off down the street.
"Shit." Ran proceeded at a far more sedate pace. That jerk would have to come back just when, for once in her life, Ran was enjoying the tables being turned on Lum. Well, it was nice while it lasted in any case.
Reaching the outskirts of the city and a small woodland park, the young Amazon took a quick break. She found an out the way spot amongst some trees that allowed her the privacy to check the dressing on her wounds. She had badly burned herself against the machinery in the boiler room of the ship she used to cross the sea over from China. The burn had scalded both her right arm and her lower back, not to mention ruining the little clothing she had brought with her.
She cursed at her weakness as she winced removing the bandage that stuck to her burnt flesh. What kind of Amazon flinched at so little? But the tears came despite her best efforts to stop them. After futile attempts to wipe them away, she gave up trying and continued to rip what remained of the cloth of her right pant's leg for bandaging.
Finished with her task, the thirteen-year-old Amazon leaned back on to the soft green grass and stared up at the fluffy white clouds silhouetted against a brilliant blue sky. It was a perfect spring day. She should be practicing her kicks and strengthening her legs. She closed her eyes and could see the old knotted tree she used as sparing partner. Her friends… her sisters… her mother, all that was gone now. She sniffled as the weariness of her journey slowly began to fall on her, increasingly weighing down her eyelids like snow on the limbs of a tree. Sleep had not been her friend of late and now was not to be any different.
Mi skipped her way back to her family's small hut. She had nearly split that tree… well… she put a fair size crack in it anyway. A few more practice sessions and she will have mastered her form. Then she could concentrate in putting power behind it and that old tree would really be in trouble. She giggled and twirled in the air. Mi couldn't wait to tell her mother. She would be so proud.
So lost in her daydream, she didn't notice the dark fog that was beginning to envelope the outside of the Amazon village or the eerie quiet that permeated the air. Her family's hut was just inside the gate and she ran straight for the door. She was already late for her chores, not to mention dinner.
"Mother," Mi shouted bursting through the door. "Look!" She said executing a graceful kick followed by another. "I mastered…" Mi began, but never finished. Food had been placed on the table. The fire was slowly beginning to flicker out and the sparse furniture in the room was strewn about. "Mother?" Mi called out, but there was no reply. Her mother was nowhere to be found. It was then that she noticed it, the near silence surrounding her.
There should be battle cries and laughter. The gossip of the day being spread… the noise of a village full of people… but there was none of that. Despite how carefully she listened… there was nothing.
No… someone was softly giggling. Cautiously, she walked out of her home and for the first time noticed the state of her village. A sickly green fog was creeping its way through the village, seeming to move where it willed no matter which direction the brisk winter wind blew. Stars were beginning to poke their way through night's veil and ghostly blue flames wafted through the air.
Mi inched her way to the center of the village, avoiding the pale fog and the small balls of fire. She wasn't scared. She was an Amazon from a proud and strong family. Something like this shouldn't scare her. Having steeled her courage, she continued through the deserted village to the old well at its center.
The green fog surrounded the well and the ground and houses in the area were a washed in bright blue flames. She paused. The soft giggling was louder now and was coming from the direction of the well. Through the haze of the fog Mi could only make out the vague outline of two people sitting on the stone well.
"Hmmhmmhmhm," one of the two figures giggled. "Oh… looks like we missed one," a woman's voice came through the fog. As if by her will the fog parted and Mi could see just one young woman, in her early twenties or late teens.
'Where had the second one gone?' Mi wondered. 'I must have… I must have imagined her. '
Mi continued her slow place to the woman sitting on the well. She had relaxed a bit at finally finding a fellow sister of the village, but as Mi got closer her apprehension was quickly building. The girl before her had hair the color of jet tied into two ponytails with strangely colored thread and eyes whose color perfectly matched the unearthly blue flames that danced about the village. About her was a pile of clothing from the village that the strange woman must have collected as Mi recognized some it. The woman herself was wearing a tattered red short sleeve shirt and a pair of tight fitting black pants with red embroidery running down the legs` that looked a lot like a pair Mi's friend enjoyed wearing.
The woman put a hand to her lips in attempt to calm her giggling. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Hahahaha" She got out before breaking out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Mi woke in start. She rubbed her eyes and picked herself up from where she lay, not feeling very rested. It was the same nightmare that haunted her every night. At least she had woken up in the middle of it this time. Grabbing her few belongings and giving a final check to her bandages, Mi headed into the city and began her final trek to the Cat Café.
It looked like a war zone.
Store windows were shattered. People were crying in the streets, praying to any gods that would listen. Small fires were still smoldering and the streets were heavily cracked.
It had Ataru Moroboshi all over it.
Lum was the first to arrive on the scene. She quickly scanned the area for any sign of her Darling. In the center of the road, was a large crater with dark smoke emanating. A small child, about five or six year of age, with blonde hair crouched, peering into the rising smoke.
"You really should leave her alone," the small child said in Chinese in the direction of the bottom of the hole. Taking small steps Lum approached the little girl. "You've already lost our bet. You just haven't realized…" the child broke off as she heard Lum approach. Turning to face the older girl, the small child just stared… there was something about her… something very familiar.
'Where have I seen her before?' the little girl wondered very concerned. The little girl turned back to the center of the crater as if she expected to find the answer there.
"Excuse me," Lum began to the little girl, Shinobu and the others finally arriving on scene. "Have you seen a young man, boyish looking, about my age? About this tall?" Lum approximated Ataru's height with her hand. "…With bushy brown hair?" Lum asked eagerly.
The little girl didn't answer, not understanding the questions and still openly staring at the oni. She just *knew* she had seen her someplace before… but where?
"Lum, where is Moroboshi?" Mendou asked, bursting into the halted conversation, his sword hand itching to cut the accursed Moroboshi down.
Lum continued to look at the little girl, waiting for her to answer. The child looked silently back. Everyone else surrounded the pair, save Mendou who began to search the neighboring debris. Moroboshi was probably cowering behind some rock.
"Uhhh…" a moan came from the smoldering crater, drawing everyone's attention but the little girl's.
"Ataru?" Shinobu asked out loud, holding Ten close to her.
"Ah! Dahling!" Lum yelled, about to pounce on him with a fifty thousand volt hug. Mendou, however, was not about to allow such a thing. The time had come to punish the lout for his transgressions.
"Moroboshi!" Mendou shouted, leaping into the air, his sword held high above his head. "Die!" He swooped down into the smoke ladened hole, before Lum could reach her Darling, his sword arcing down in a flash of steel. "Hmmhmm," Mendou snickered, finishing his cut and returning his sword to its sheath. "Rest in Hell, Moroboshi," Mendou intoned, turning to face the twin halves of Moroboshi.
Ran clasped her hands and hoped.
Mendou's stroke was true and surely would have cut Ataru in half, but as the smoke cleared everyone's hopes were dashed, almost. Mendou's hopes of finally besting Moroboshi were again but a dream. His aim was perfect for Moroboshi, but way off for Cherry.
The only one, whose smile was threatening to spit her face that was happy, was Ran. The bubbling alien caught Lum, her bestest friend, as she slumped to the ground crying into her hands.
"Cherry!" Shinobu shouted, dropping Ten and violently gripping the small monk. "Where have you been? Do you know where Ataru is?" Shinobu asked fiercely shaking Cherry to and fro.
The small girl, forgotten in the commotion, recognized the name, Ataru, though the rest of conversation was lost to her. She put a finger to her mouth in deep thought, before her eyes rolled up to the back of her head and she collapsed to the ground.
Oh… she was *so* bored.
Nothing had happened for *months*!
Her brother was happy.
Her Ton-chan was in hiding somewhere.
Not even Moroboshi had come by to play with her.
She sighed, causing her fellow students in the classroom with her to visibly shake with fear. Even the teacher cowered behind her desk, drenched in sweat.
Propping her head up with one hand, her eyes roamed about the room, looking for someone… *anyone* to allay her boredom. Her gaze stopped on the student nearest the door. A tough looking woman, with closely cropped dark brown hair, who was known through out St. Hebreke as the leader of "Girls who like it rough and eat glass" street gang.
'Maybe…' she thought, staring at the gang leader.
"No… No… Please, God! No," the normally proud gang leader wailed. She sunk down in her chair and on to the floor, shaking her head and crying uncontrollably.
'And maybe not.' That was entirely too easy for her to get much enjoyment out of it. Again, her eyes roamed the room, pausing on a girl who was actually smiling confidently back at her. She smiled all the way to the third story window, where she leapt straight through the glass.
Ryoko Mendou smiled.
Everyone in the class visibly relaxed. The teacher, glad that the tension had finally broke, turned her attention to the chalkboard and began the day's lesson. She got as about as far writing "page 56" on the board before she heard the most horrific sound, and the chalk dropped from her hand's in terror.
*SIGH* That little display had been far too fleeting to amuse Ryoko. Maybe if they all jumped the window she mused to herself. These people were *so* boring. She missed her Ton-chan. She missed Master Moroboshi. They knew how to have fun! She stood and everyone else in the classroom hit the floor, knowing they were doomed.
"Somebody! Anybody!" She implored.
Just then, outside the classroom door, a joyous voice came resonating through halls. "Ding Dong, the monk is DEAD! Yes, I've finally rid myself of that annoying Cherry!" The door burst open and Aya triumphantly walked into the room.
On the floor, behind her desk, the teacher called out. "Class, we have a new student, starting today. This is Aya Tendo. Miss. Tendo, you're two hours late."
"What of it?" Aya replied, scanning the classroom for an open seat.
"The seat next to me is open?" Ryoko, still standing, offered with a bright smile and graciously pointed to the occupied seat to her left.
Aya looked to the scared girl, crouched in her chair and was about to point out that someone was already there, when two men dressed entirely in black appeared on either side of the cowering girl. They picked her up and carried her to the back of the room. Another two kuroko appeared at Aya's sides and lifted her up by the arms.
"Excuse us, this way please," the said politely and carried Aya to her desk next to their mistress Ryoko. The four kuroko then bowed before the two women and quickly vanished from the room.
Ryoko turned to the girl with the sandalwood hair, a child's face and curious expression. "My name is Ryoko Mendo. Let's be friends," she finished with a bow. Ryoko knew fun when she saw it.
Aya just blinked at her in response. The rest of the class sympathized for the Ryoko's new toy.