The Price Part 20
By: Can (lucyc_23455@yahoo.com)
Spoilers: Up to WWL Part 2
Rating: PG - 13
Disclaimer: I don't own them
Many thanks to gbbarb for helping me out and beta reading. Thanks for sticking with me.
"Captain Braca, follow the Luxan ship. We know they are headed for the Leviathan. Once aboard we can capture all of them," Grayza stated, intending to surprise the crew.
"Ma'am, we have a problem. The carrier has dispatched a squadron of prowlers. I believe their intent is to shoot them down," Braca said. At that same microt several prowlers opened fire on the Luxan vessel, rocking the ship.
"Open communications with the carrier! I want Crichton alive!" Grayza shouted, wondering who issued the order to send the ships after the vessel.
xxxxx
D'Argo reached for the control to increase their speed as the ship was hit by the pulse blast from a prowler, rocking it violently and sending its occupants careening into Lo'La's walls. D'Argo was jerked side to side, his belt holding him in the seat. The others were groaning, trying to get to their feet and back to their seats.
D'Argo yelled back to them. "Strap yourselves in. This is going to be a rough ride!"
Aeryn yelled the warning. "D'Argo, straight ahead!"
D'Argo pulled up and over the prowler before it could fire on them. He used evasive maneuvers as they pitched and turned, avoiding the advancing attack ships.
John was picking himself off the floor, thrown again before he could get back to his seat. Lying on the floor, against the walls of the ship, he said, "D'Argo you have to make the ship invisible now if you hope to survive. You can't fight all of them. Besides if you continue on this way you will lead them to Moya, and I think she's gone through enough already." John knew the Leviathan couldn't handle an attack from the prowlers. She was already weak from whatever had happened when she was pulled into the wormhole.
"John, you know we will lose speed if I do that! I am successfully avoiding them now," D'Argo replied as he maneuvered the ship around the prowlers.
"For how long, D?" John asked simply, rubbing his tired eyes. "You know you can't keep this up."
Aeryn looked at John, then back to D'Argo. "What John's saying is true, D'Argo," Aeryn said quietly. "If they can't see us, they can't fire. I think you should do what he suggests." She knew then John wasn't lost to them. He still had rational thoughts and knew how to fight the battle at hand.
"Very well," D'Argo said sighing. "I will do as you wish, but it will delay us." He was silently grateful for John's suggestion. It was what he wanted, but he didn't know how the rest of them would react to it. For some reason if Crichton suggested it, they believed, even though his plans were often the brunt of their jokes. D'Argo felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders as he set the ship to invisible. "Done!"
John used the wall of the ship to help him get to his feet and return to his seat. "Now just keep dodging 'em D'Argo."
xxxxx
Grayza looked frantically around for any sign of the ship. "Braca, where is the vessel? It can't just disappear! Find it!"
There was no mistaking the anger in her voice, causing Braca to cringe. "Ma'am I don't see it and it's not on my scanners anymore," Braca replied, checking his readings. "I.I don't know what happened."
"Give me the comm," Grayza ordered. Braca barely had it in his hands before she hastily wrenched it from him. "Lieutenant, this is Commandant Grayza! I want you to cease fire immediately! These prisoners must be captured alive!" She was careful to relay her orders clearly, but forcefully. "Find the Leviathan and we will find them! Is that understood?"
"Yes Ma'am," the Lieutenant replied, recalling his fighters. "Will you be coming aboard Commandant?"
"Yes," Grayza replied, turning to Braca. "Captain, change our course to the command carrier. We will pursue them from there."
Braca was disappointed by Grayza's decision. He knew they had a better chance to penetrate the Leviathan in the Marauder than from the carrier. Moya would starburst before the larger vessel would be able to dispatch its ships, but he didn't want to chance her anger by arguing. He nodded his head in ascent, diverting to the carrier.
xxxxx
"Anything Aeryn?" D'Argo asked, the view screen clear for the microt. The ship's speed had been cut back considerably since they went to invisible, the journey back to Moya seemingly endless. The only consolation was seeing the prowlers retreat, but that worried D'Argo. Peacekeepers never gave up that easily. He knew they would have to be alert for anything unusual.
Aeryn still had her eyes glued to the scanners, finally looking away, snapping her neck sideways to get the kinks out that had formed during the intense battle earlier. "Nothing, D'Argo, scanners are clear for now."
Chiana moved to the front of the ship, taking the seat next to Crichton. "How much longer, D'Argo?" She asked, still shaken from their encounter with the prowlers.
"Soon, Chiana," D'Argo replied, still focused, his eyes never wavering from the console.
John heard the nervousness in her voice and slid his hand over hers, gripping it in his own. "It'll be ok, Pip. Just relax," he said calmly, his voice optimistic for her. She would always be like a little sister to him no matter what happened.
Chiana looked at John, slouched in the corner of the seat, trying to stay awake. She squeezed his hand tighter, smiling with thanks. Chiana studied the face of the man she had grown to love and respect, seeing only despair and pain. She always joked him by calling him "Old man", but now he truly seemed to be, the lines in his face deeper than she remembered. 'How could a monen make that much difference?' she asked herself, wanting to hold him in her arms and wipe away the memories. Chiana knew she needed to give him the same hope he had given her. 'What had he always said to her? 'With out hope I have nothing.' Chiana suddenly realized what John meant. "Hey, cheer up. We'll all be back safely on Moya soon."
John snickered. "Never happen, Pip," he stated as a fact. His voice held no bitterness in it, which disturbed Chiana.
"Crichton, why are you talking like this? Moya is your home, we'll protect you," Chiana said, nudging Aeryn with her hand, drawing her attention to the conversation.
John reached over and ran his hand lightly down her cheek, his blue eyes faded behind the memories that haunted him. "If only you could," he said wistfully. "Pip, you don't understand yet do ya?"
"No, I don't, so tell me!" Chiana stated, her anger replacing her former emotions. They had never given up on him, so why was he ready to?
"I can't keep going on this way. Every time I look over my shoulder someone wants a piece of me. My mind is so frelled right now, I don't know how many pieces are lying out there waiting to come back to haunt me. I can't put them back to together; all of them fragments of me. I am not the John Crichton you knew.hell I don't even know who I am anymore." John dropped his hand, wishing someone could make it right again. He didn't even trust himself with what he thought was real, because he didn't know. He felt trapped by his own mind, never letting him emerge from the tortured world that controlled him now.
Aeryn bit back the tears that threatened to flow listening to John's conversation with Chiana. 'If only she hadn't left him behind. John wouldn't have experienced all the horrors he had to live with now, and Scorpius would never have been a factor. Why had she been so stubborn? John had told her he would go anywhere with her. His love for her held no boundaries. Whatever she wanted he would do and asked for nothing in return.' Aeryn's thoughts were filled with guilt, wishing she hadn't ignored him all that time on Moya. If she had only given him a chance when he had tried to comfort her instead of blocking him out as if he was the enemy, so many chances thrown away.
Aeryn glanced over her shoulder as Chiana reached up to embrace John. "You are still the John Crichton we know. When you get back to Moya and rest, it will all seem like one big frelling nightmare from the past. Everything will be alright," Chiana said softly, tenderly running her hand over the side of his face. She took his face between her hands, "What word did you always say to me?" Chiana asked, her eyes never wavering from his.
John tried to look away, but Chiana held his head firmly in her grasp.
Chiana stared into his bloodshot eyes, pulling him back to hers. "Hope, John. hope. That's all we have. You taught me that and I believe it, so don't let me down now," Chiana stated, looking deeply into his eyes, hoping for a reaction.
Chiana knew she had hit home when she saw the tears slowly trickle down John's cheeks. Even though he pulled away and closed his eyes the tears still flowed, the dam breaking, allowing his release from what he held within himself.
"Pip.can you leave me alone.now.please?" John asked, his voice wavering, wrapping his arms around himself, only wanting to be left alone. She had struck a nerve, one he didn't want to deal with in such close proximity with the rest of the crew.
D'Argo and Aeryn looked at each other, feeling his pain. Chiana had broken through but it wasn't the time or place for it.
"Aeryn, I'll keep an eye on things here," D'Argo whispered. "I think John may need you."
Aeryn nodded gratefully, wanting nothing more than to comfort him. She unstrapped her belt and eased herself into the vacant seat, reaching for him. John felt a hand on his arm and flinched, pulling away and opening his eyes.
John held out his hand to ward her off. "Please Aeryn.not now.not here. I.I have a lot to think.about," he said, dropping his head on his chest. The adrenalin that had kept him going for so long had ceased its flow now, reality crashing in on him. He knew Chiana was right, hope is what had always kept him going, but he didn't feel much of that right now. He only felt confused, not knowing what the future held for him. John knew he would be grateful to be back on Moya, but he didn't know if he could put the past to bed and find himself again. So much of his soul had been stripped away, taking with it the values he had cherished from his life on Earth.
Scorpius was one thing he never wanted to deal with again, yet he would be on Moya and a constant reminder of what he had lost over the last half cycle of his life. John wasn't sure if he had enough strength left in him to overcome it, turning and staring at the hybrid who had done nothing but make his life pure hell.
Aeryn followed John's eyes as they settled on Scorpius. The burning rage in them told her all she needed to know. "John," she said calmly, "he will stay away from you. Scorpius won't touch you again."
John nodded slightly, turning to Aeryn. "Just go and help D'Argo. This is something I have to work through in my own way."
Aeryn felt him shutting her out, his red-rimmed eyes showing more than he wanted her to see. Aeryn remembered the inner turmoil John had gone through before, knowing nothing had changed, his suffering the same. "We will talk when we get back on Moya, John," Aeryn said softly, gliding her hand over his cheek, feeling John lean into it as he closed his eyes and seemed at peace for a microt before she pulled away.
Aeryn returned to her seat next to D'Argo and focused on the rendezvous with Moya, wondering why everything had to be so complicated and painful when it came to love.
xxxxx
"Moya," D'Argo whispered. Back on the planet he had doubts of ever returning to the Leviathan, sure they would all be captured by the peacekeeper soldiers. For once he was happy to be proven wrong.
The rest of the crew smiled in relief at the sight of Moya floating gracefully before their eyes.
Chiana moved forward to sit with John again. "There she is.home. She must be a sight for your sore eyes," she said in a lively voice.
"She's beautiful, Pip," John answered, staring out through the view screen, taken by the beauty of the ship, wondering how it would feel to be back in his quarters.
Their relief was short lived as Aeryn shouted, "D'Argo, I'm picking up the command carrier on the scanners!"
"How far away, Aeryn?" D'Argo asked, opening his comms. "Pilot, be ready to starburst the instant we board!"
"D'Argo, make the ship visible and give it all she's got. With the speed of this ship, you should be able to get to Moya before the carrier can get within range," John stated, pulling forward and reading the gauges on the console. "Do it now man!"
The Luxan didn't question John's instructions as he brought the vessel to normal status. He set the controls to full speed as the ship jolted, engaging the thrusters, the vessel up to maximum speed in a matter of microts. She soared towards Moya, distancing herself from the carrier.
Chiana giggled with happiness as they entered Moya's docking web, D'Argo pulling back on the thrusters, leaning back in his seat, feeling relief set in knowing they had beaten the carrier.
"Pilot, as soon as we are in, starburst," Aeryn said in a tired voice. This encounter with the peacekeepers had been too close for comfort, taking its toll on everyone. She only wanted to be away from this part of the Unchartered Territories.
As Lo'La settled in the Leviathan's bay, Moya set to starburst, leaving the carrier standing in her wake.
xxxxx
Grayza stared as the ship disappeared from the carrier's screen.
"They're gone, Commandant. The Leviathan starburst as soon as the ship docked," Braca explained. "We can only try to track them again." He knew this crew too well. They would have little chance to capture them if they didn't change their tactics, but Grayza was unwilling to do this. Until that time they would only suffer one defeat after another in securing John Crichton.
"Braca, set a course for a cluster of commerce planets. We will pick up their signal again," she replied, calmly, in control of her disappointment. "Meet me in my quarters in an arn.we have much to discuss."
"Yes ma'am," he replied, unsure of what this meant. He only knew it couldn't be good, feeling a shiver go down his spine, resigned to whatever fate held for him.
xxxxx
Chiana was beside herself, feeling giddy, being home on Moya again. She had felt tense for so long, she allowed herself this moment of happiness. She extended her hand to John as she rose to her feet, ready to exit the vessel.
John smiled and shook his head. "Go ahead, Pip. I won't be far behind," he said, his voice subtle. "Just give me a few microts."
Scorpius followed Chiana, passing John on his way out. He stopped and turned to the human. "I won't get in your way. You could have left me on the planet, but you didn't," Scorpius said. "For that I owe you John Crichton." He turned, and walked towards the exit, leaving the ship.
John clenched his jaw, holding in his retort. There was no doubt about his feelings for the half-Scarran, his eyes smoldering as he watched Scorpius leave the vessel. John dropped his head, not accustomed to feeling such hatred for another. It was new to him and he didn't like it, but at the same time he couldn't overcome it.
John finally rose to his feet, his body weary from the abuse. He slowly righted himself, balancing his body on both legs before trying to leave the ship. Confident he could walk on his own he started towards the exit. Aeryn stopped him before he could leave.
"Wait for me, John. I'll only be a few microts," she said, her hand on his arm.
John sighed, looking away. "Aeryn, there's somewhere I want to go before my quarters," he replied, tired of their constant observation. "By the time you're finished here, I'll be in my room." He pulled his arm away and left.
Aeryn and D'Argo stared as he exited the ship.
"Let him be, Aeryn. You know John when he feels he has to do something. Meet him later," D'Argo said, understanding her concern, but it was rare to be able to change John's mind.
xxxxx
Pilot was honored; it was rare for the Commander to be in his den.
"Hello, Pilot. How is Moya?" John asked sincerely, taking a seat by him and laying his hand on one of his claws.
"Moya is well, Commander, but how are you?" Pilot asked in a concerned tone, remembering his last night on the Leviathan. He didn't think John looked very well, but he had been gone for a monen. Many things changed with time.
"I'll live, Pilot," John replied in a tired voice. "I want to thank you and Moya for risking yourselves to come back for me." John said, dropping slowly down in front of Pilot's console, sitting with his back against it.
The actions and tone in Crichton's voice worried Pilot. It was not at all like the human he knew. John's voice was flat, the emotion Pilot was used to was gone.
"Commander, Moya sends her love, but she doesn't think you are well. Perhaps I should call Officer Sun," Pilot said, worried about the human that had endeared himself to them.
"Don't do that Pilot, please. I need some space for a few microts, a place to hide. They'll never look for me here. I just need to reconnect with you and Moya for awhile," John said, laying his head down on his arm, as he stretched and lowered his tired body to the deck. "Please, Pilot."
Pilot relented, thinking he understood what Crichton meant. "Very well, Commander. We will be here for as long as you need us."
"Thanks, Pilot," John said feeling his eyes getting heavy, the sleep he had been deprived of finally settling in. "Hey Pilot, what would you do if you didn't know who you were anymore?" John asked, dipping deeper into the sleep that beckoned him, finally giving in, never hearing Pilot's words.
Pilot wondered at the question, but chose not to ask, feeling only sorrow for his crew member. He didn't know what had happened in the monen since Crichton had left Moya, but he knew it had taken a toll on the human. "John, sleep for now. The answers will come later."
xxxxx
Aeryn finished helping D'Argo with Lo'La as she heading to John's quarters, fearful of him being alone too long. She entered his chambers and called out his name. When she didn't see him in the room, Aeryn checked the wash room, finding no evidence John had been there.
"Frell!" Aeryn shouted, racing out of the converted cell in search of John. She opened her comm as she ran down the corridor, heading for the terrace. "D'Argo, I can't find John! Is he with you or Chiana?"
D'Argo was in command, checking Moya's systems, making sure no maintenance was needed since they had been gone. He was surprised by Aeryn's question as he tapped his comm to answer, "I haven't see John since he left the ship, Aeryn. Have you checked the terrace? You know how much he likes that room."
"I'm on my way there as we speak, D'Argo. See if any of the others know where John is," Aeryn replied, feeling the panic start to rise. She knew she shouldn't have let him go by himself. Aeryn saw on their return to Moya the many mood swings John was experiencing, knowing this wasn't normal for him.
Aeryn stood in front of the terrace almost afraid to enter. If John wasn't in that room, she didn't know what she would do. Aeryn pushed her fear down and palmed the door. Stepping into the room, she looked over it, her heart sinking, seeing no sign of John. Aeryn felt the tears of frustration slowly glide down her face, remembering their last moments together a monen ago.
Dropping her head, she leaned against the warmth of Moya's walls, drawing strength from her pulsations. Aeryn composed herself, deciding to check one more place before she joined D'Argo in command.
xxxxx
John slept fitfully alternating between crying in his sleep and screaming, the memories turned into nightmares he couldn't control, tumbling out haphazardly. Pilot knew he couldn't let this continue. He had never heard such pain come from one being.
"Officer Sun, I'm not sure I am doing the right thing, but I think you need to come to my chamber," Pilot said, feeling he had betrayed the human, but not knowing what else to do.
Aeryn's voice caught in her throat, hearing the screams through the comms. "Pilot, has John been with you all this time?" Aeryn asked, running towards his den. "We've been looking for him!"
"Yes, Officer Sun. I am sorry.I promised.him," Pilot replied, understanding her anger.
Aeryn commed D'Argo. "John's with Pilot, meet me there, D'Argo" she said as she rounded the corner to the chamber.
Aeryn palmed the door open and saw John on the floor, his arms flailing at empty air, his screams unintelligible. She went to his side and grabbed his arms, her voice soothing. "John, shh, shh. You're home now. No one can hurt you here. Please John, wake up."
"No! No! Get the hell away from me! I won't tell you anything about Aeryn!" John shouted in his sleep, fighting the hold Aeryn had over him. He was back in his nightmare with Grayza, Aeryn's voice never penetrating. John used his legs to knock her away, as Aeryn went reeling towards the other side of Pilot's chamber.
John jumped to his feet, his anger totally consuming him. "Just leave me the frell alone, Grayza! You've taken everything from me, you're not taking the only memories I have left to hold onto!" John raged, the tears mingling with the hatred in his eyes. "I may be your bitch, but not because I want to be." John's voice cracked on his last statement, defeat showing in his face.
Aeryn pulled herself up and leaned against the wall, listening to his rant, realizing John was reliving his time with Grayza. She knew he had reacted to her thinking she was Grayza, her heart going out to him. Aeryn realized the full impact of the horror he had gone through. Grayza had tried to strip him of everything he held dear to him, but John had fought her and for that he had paid dearly, mentally and physically. Aeryn had never seen John display so much distress in the four cycles she had been with him.
Aeryn remained quiet, not wanting to provoke John, waiting for D'Argo. She watched John as he went from one rant to another. One microt he was talking about Grayza the other Scorpius, as he paced back and forth like a lost soul. She flinched each time she saw him slam his fist against Moya's walls, not daring to attempt to stop him from hurting himself in his living nightmare.
D'Argo finally appeared and watched the human for a few microts. Looking to Aeryn, he silently questioned her, pointing to his mouth. Aeryn nodded in ascent, hating to resort to this, but knowing they had no other way to snap him out of his nightmare.
D'Argo waited until John turned his back and then tongued him, the human momentarily stunned, falling to the floor. Aeryn and D'Argo both rushed to his side, checking over him, seeing his bleeding knuckles, but pleased there were no other injuries.
D'Argo scooped John into his arms. "Let's take him to his quarters, Aeryn. I'll sit with you until he wakes up," D'Argo said, knowing how hard this had been on her. "We'll help him together."
Aeryn couldn't find any words, the scene playing in her mind again. She nodded and followed D'Argo out of Pilot's chamber, but not before glancing back. "Thank you Pilot. for keeping him safe."
"He is my friend too, Aeryn," Pilot replied, upset over the condition of John Crichton.
xxxxx
Aeryn sat by John's bed, watching him toss and turn, murmuring much of which they couldn't understand. Chiana relieved D'Argo so he could get some rest, approaching Aeryn.
Chiana massaged Aeryn's shoulders, feeling the tension in her. Aeryn relaxed under Chiana's skillful fingers, smiling at the Nebari with thanks.
"He'll be alright, Aeryn," Chiana said, her voice soft and caring. "Having to deal with Grayza and Scorpius sent John to the edge this time."
"How.how do I get him back?" Aeryn asked, looking up at the Nebari, the tears slowly cascading down her face. "I caused this! If I hadn't brought Scorpius aboard.."
Chiana cut Aeryn off in mid sentence, speaking candidly. "No Aeryn, Scorpius was only part of it. It started the first time you left Moya then returned only to shut John out. He was falling apart while you were gone and then to come back and treat him like he was a piece of dren was the worst thing that could have happened. I know you grieved for the other John, but our John felt alive again when he saw you, but he slowly lost the one thing that kept him sane.hope."
Aeryn's first instinct was to lash out at Chiana, her words cutting deeply into her soul. She stopped herself knowing Chiana was sincere in what she had said. Aeryn had seen a new side of Chiana on the carrier when Grayza had captured them. Chiana had grown, only wanting the best for them, her juvenile behavior gone. "You know I was grieving, Chiana. We had.enjoyed so much.together.it just hurt to see John. He reminded me of what I had lost."
"Aeryn, I understand, but you never truly saw what it did to him. You were so consumed by your loss, you couldn't see anybody else's pain. This John suffered along with you. He was your second chance at happiness, but you couldn't see the pain he shared with you. John is the same one you spent your time on Talyn with. He hasn't changed. You are still the center of his world," Chiana replied sincerely.
Both Aeryn and Chiana were startled hearing John's voice, focusing on him.
"Where the frell am I?" John asked, straightening himself, his muscles crying out with the effort, flinching as he focused on Aeryn and Chiana. "What did I do to deserve this headache?" He tried to lift his head, the throbbing only getting worse by his actions. He dropped back down to the pillow, massaging his temples and closing his eyes.
"John, you are in your quarters. We found you in Pilot's den," Aeryn replied. She saw him recoil, remembering what had taken place.
"Oh God," John whispered ashamed, turning on his side away from them.
Aeryn placed her hand lightly on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't become violent again. She felt him pull away slightly, but Aeryn didn't withdraw her hand. "How are you feeling, John?" Aeryn asked, caressing his shoulder.
John moved his body closer to the wall, wanting her to stop. He didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him, least of all Aeryn.
Aeryn let him go, unwilling to force herself on him. That would only be reminiscent of Grayza and she didn't want John to feel that way. "Ok," she stated simply. Turning to the Nebari, Aeryn asked, "Chiana, would you please get some food for John? I'm sure he's hungry."
"Right, Aeryn, I'll be back shortly with something light. I'd bet it's been awhile since John's eaten," Chiana said, noticing his obvious weight loss, turning to head to the center chamber. She was confident the violence in John was gone.
John pulled himself up, positioning his back into the corner of the wall, leaning his head back, feeling the warmth from Moya. "Would you quit talking like I'm not in the room?" He asked in a whisper, his vocal chords raw from his screams earlier.
"Then talk to me John," Aeryn said gently, still unsure of his mental state. She reached her shaking hand out to him, wanting to touch him so badly it hurt. She wanted to cleanse his mind of all the bad, if only she could. Aeryn wanted to help him forget, to bring back the human that talked too much. She would give anything to hear his nonstop chatter again, remembering how endearing it really was.
John saw her outstretched hand, hesitant for a moment before he took it in his, tracing his fingers over it, feeling the softness he had longed to feel for so long. "It's.too.hard," he said, the tears easing slowly out of the corners of his eyes. "I.I.can't."
Aeryn felt his pain and understood. She wouldn't push him, knowing what he had gone through was unspeakable for him at this microt. Aeryn knew all he needed was time and to be able to trust her again and that would come. "John? Would it be alright if I sit with you? We don't have to talk."
John nodded in ascent, relieved she wouldn't press him anymore. He helped her on the bed as she took her hand back and wrapped her arms around him, settling in the corner with him, putting her head on his shoulder. She smiled, feeling John's head lean against hers. They sat that way for a few microts before John found his voice again. "Aeryn, did you .really mean what you said when I left Moya?" John asked needing to hear the truth.
Aeryn raised her head from his shoulder and turned to him, cupping his chin in her hands, tenderly turning his face towards hers. "I never say what I don't mean. You will always have my heart John Crichton.until the day we die," she said, the tears glistening in her eyes. Aeryn embraced him tightly in her arms, the final stone unturned, his head on her shoulder now, their tears mingling with each others. Aeryn knew they would be alright now. She wouldn't have it any other way.
The End
Many thanks to gbbarb for helping me out and beta reading. Thanks for sticking with me.
"Captain Braca, follow the Luxan ship. We know they are headed for the Leviathan. Once aboard we can capture all of them," Grayza stated, intending to surprise the crew.
"Ma'am, we have a problem. The carrier has dispatched a squadron of prowlers. I believe their intent is to shoot them down," Braca said. At that same microt several prowlers opened fire on the Luxan vessel, rocking the ship.
"Open communications with the carrier! I want Crichton alive!" Grayza shouted, wondering who issued the order to send the ships after the vessel.
xxxxx
D'Argo reached for the control to increase their speed as the ship was hit by the pulse blast from a prowler, rocking it violently and sending its occupants careening into Lo'La's walls. D'Argo was jerked side to side, his belt holding him in the seat. The others were groaning, trying to get to their feet and back to their seats.
D'Argo yelled back to them. "Strap yourselves in. This is going to be a rough ride!"
Aeryn yelled the warning. "D'Argo, straight ahead!"
D'Argo pulled up and over the prowler before it could fire on them. He used evasive maneuvers as they pitched and turned, avoiding the advancing attack ships.
John was picking himself off the floor, thrown again before he could get back to his seat. Lying on the floor, against the walls of the ship, he said, "D'Argo you have to make the ship invisible now if you hope to survive. You can't fight all of them. Besides if you continue on this way you will lead them to Moya, and I think she's gone through enough already." John knew the Leviathan couldn't handle an attack from the prowlers. She was already weak from whatever had happened when she was pulled into the wormhole.
"John, you know we will lose speed if I do that! I am successfully avoiding them now," D'Argo replied as he maneuvered the ship around the prowlers.
"For how long, D?" John asked simply, rubbing his tired eyes. "You know you can't keep this up."
Aeryn looked at John, then back to D'Argo. "What John's saying is true, D'Argo," Aeryn said quietly. "If they can't see us, they can't fire. I think you should do what he suggests." She knew then John wasn't lost to them. He still had rational thoughts and knew how to fight the battle at hand.
"Very well," D'Argo said sighing. "I will do as you wish, but it will delay us." He was silently grateful for John's suggestion. It was what he wanted, but he didn't know how the rest of them would react to it. For some reason if Crichton suggested it, they believed, even though his plans were often the brunt of their jokes. D'Argo felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders as he set the ship to invisible. "Done!"
John used the wall of the ship to help him get to his feet and return to his seat. "Now just keep dodging 'em D'Argo."
xxxxx
Grayza looked frantically around for any sign of the ship. "Braca, where is the vessel? It can't just disappear! Find it!"
There was no mistaking the anger in her voice, causing Braca to cringe. "Ma'am I don't see it and it's not on my scanners anymore," Braca replied, checking his readings. "I.I don't know what happened."
"Give me the comm," Grayza ordered. Braca barely had it in his hands before she hastily wrenched it from him. "Lieutenant, this is Commandant Grayza! I want you to cease fire immediately! These prisoners must be captured alive!" She was careful to relay her orders clearly, but forcefully. "Find the Leviathan and we will find them! Is that understood?"
"Yes Ma'am," the Lieutenant replied, recalling his fighters. "Will you be coming aboard Commandant?"
"Yes," Grayza replied, turning to Braca. "Captain, change our course to the command carrier. We will pursue them from there."
Braca was disappointed by Grayza's decision. He knew they had a better chance to penetrate the Leviathan in the Marauder than from the carrier. Moya would starburst before the larger vessel would be able to dispatch its ships, but he didn't want to chance her anger by arguing. He nodded his head in ascent, diverting to the carrier.
xxxxx
"Anything Aeryn?" D'Argo asked, the view screen clear for the microt. The ship's speed had been cut back considerably since they went to invisible, the journey back to Moya seemingly endless. The only consolation was seeing the prowlers retreat, but that worried D'Argo. Peacekeepers never gave up that easily. He knew they would have to be alert for anything unusual.
Aeryn still had her eyes glued to the scanners, finally looking away, snapping her neck sideways to get the kinks out that had formed during the intense battle earlier. "Nothing, D'Argo, scanners are clear for now."
Chiana moved to the front of the ship, taking the seat next to Crichton. "How much longer, D'Argo?" She asked, still shaken from their encounter with the prowlers.
"Soon, Chiana," D'Argo replied, still focused, his eyes never wavering from the console.
John heard the nervousness in her voice and slid his hand over hers, gripping it in his own. "It'll be ok, Pip. Just relax," he said calmly, his voice optimistic for her. She would always be like a little sister to him no matter what happened.
Chiana looked at John, slouched in the corner of the seat, trying to stay awake. She squeezed his hand tighter, smiling with thanks. Chiana studied the face of the man she had grown to love and respect, seeing only despair and pain. She always joked him by calling him "Old man", but now he truly seemed to be, the lines in his face deeper than she remembered. 'How could a monen make that much difference?' she asked herself, wanting to hold him in her arms and wipe away the memories. Chiana knew she needed to give him the same hope he had given her. 'What had he always said to her? 'With out hope I have nothing.' Chiana suddenly realized what John meant. "Hey, cheer up. We'll all be back safely on Moya soon."
John snickered. "Never happen, Pip," he stated as a fact. His voice held no bitterness in it, which disturbed Chiana.
"Crichton, why are you talking like this? Moya is your home, we'll protect you," Chiana said, nudging Aeryn with her hand, drawing her attention to the conversation.
John reached over and ran his hand lightly down her cheek, his blue eyes faded behind the memories that haunted him. "If only you could," he said wistfully. "Pip, you don't understand yet do ya?"
"No, I don't, so tell me!" Chiana stated, her anger replacing her former emotions. They had never given up on him, so why was he ready to?
"I can't keep going on this way. Every time I look over my shoulder someone wants a piece of me. My mind is so frelled right now, I don't know how many pieces are lying out there waiting to come back to haunt me. I can't put them back to together; all of them fragments of me. I am not the John Crichton you knew.hell I don't even know who I am anymore." John dropped his hand, wishing someone could make it right again. He didn't even trust himself with what he thought was real, because he didn't know. He felt trapped by his own mind, never letting him emerge from the tortured world that controlled him now.
Aeryn bit back the tears that threatened to flow listening to John's conversation with Chiana. 'If only she hadn't left him behind. John wouldn't have experienced all the horrors he had to live with now, and Scorpius would never have been a factor. Why had she been so stubborn? John had told her he would go anywhere with her. His love for her held no boundaries. Whatever she wanted he would do and asked for nothing in return.' Aeryn's thoughts were filled with guilt, wishing she hadn't ignored him all that time on Moya. If she had only given him a chance when he had tried to comfort her instead of blocking him out as if he was the enemy, so many chances thrown away.
Aeryn glanced over her shoulder as Chiana reached up to embrace John. "You are still the John Crichton we know. When you get back to Moya and rest, it will all seem like one big frelling nightmare from the past. Everything will be alright," Chiana said softly, tenderly running her hand over the side of his face. She took his face between her hands, "What word did you always say to me?" Chiana asked, her eyes never wavering from his.
John tried to look away, but Chiana held his head firmly in her grasp.
Chiana stared into his bloodshot eyes, pulling him back to hers. "Hope, John. hope. That's all we have. You taught me that and I believe it, so don't let me down now," Chiana stated, looking deeply into his eyes, hoping for a reaction.
Chiana knew she had hit home when she saw the tears slowly trickle down John's cheeks. Even though he pulled away and closed his eyes the tears still flowed, the dam breaking, allowing his release from what he held within himself.
"Pip.can you leave me alone.now.please?" John asked, his voice wavering, wrapping his arms around himself, only wanting to be left alone. She had struck a nerve, one he didn't want to deal with in such close proximity with the rest of the crew.
D'Argo and Aeryn looked at each other, feeling his pain. Chiana had broken through but it wasn't the time or place for it.
"Aeryn, I'll keep an eye on things here," D'Argo whispered. "I think John may need you."
Aeryn nodded gratefully, wanting nothing more than to comfort him. She unstrapped her belt and eased herself into the vacant seat, reaching for him. John felt a hand on his arm and flinched, pulling away and opening his eyes.
John held out his hand to ward her off. "Please Aeryn.not now.not here. I.I have a lot to think.about," he said, dropping his head on his chest. The adrenalin that had kept him going for so long had ceased its flow now, reality crashing in on him. He knew Chiana was right, hope is what had always kept him going, but he didn't feel much of that right now. He only felt confused, not knowing what the future held for him. John knew he would be grateful to be back on Moya, but he didn't know if he could put the past to bed and find himself again. So much of his soul had been stripped away, taking with it the values he had cherished from his life on Earth.
Scorpius was one thing he never wanted to deal with again, yet he would be on Moya and a constant reminder of what he had lost over the last half cycle of his life. John wasn't sure if he had enough strength left in him to overcome it, turning and staring at the hybrid who had done nothing but make his life pure hell.
Aeryn followed John's eyes as they settled on Scorpius. The burning rage in them told her all she needed to know. "John," she said calmly, "he will stay away from you. Scorpius won't touch you again."
John nodded slightly, turning to Aeryn. "Just go and help D'Argo. This is something I have to work through in my own way."
Aeryn felt him shutting her out, his red-rimmed eyes showing more than he wanted her to see. Aeryn remembered the inner turmoil John had gone through before, knowing nothing had changed, his suffering the same. "We will talk when we get back on Moya, John," Aeryn said softly, gliding her hand over his cheek, feeling John lean into it as he closed his eyes and seemed at peace for a microt before she pulled away.
Aeryn returned to her seat next to D'Argo and focused on the rendezvous with Moya, wondering why everything had to be so complicated and painful when it came to love.
xxxxx
"Moya," D'Argo whispered. Back on the planet he had doubts of ever returning to the Leviathan, sure they would all be captured by the peacekeeper soldiers. For once he was happy to be proven wrong.
The rest of the crew smiled in relief at the sight of Moya floating gracefully before their eyes.
Chiana moved forward to sit with John again. "There she is.home. She must be a sight for your sore eyes," she said in a lively voice.
"She's beautiful, Pip," John answered, staring out through the view screen, taken by the beauty of the ship, wondering how it would feel to be back in his quarters.
Their relief was short lived as Aeryn shouted, "D'Argo, I'm picking up the command carrier on the scanners!"
"How far away, Aeryn?" D'Argo asked, opening his comms. "Pilot, be ready to starburst the instant we board!"
"D'Argo, make the ship visible and give it all she's got. With the speed of this ship, you should be able to get to Moya before the carrier can get within range," John stated, pulling forward and reading the gauges on the console. "Do it now man!"
The Luxan didn't question John's instructions as he brought the vessel to normal status. He set the controls to full speed as the ship jolted, engaging the thrusters, the vessel up to maximum speed in a matter of microts. She soared towards Moya, distancing herself from the carrier.
Chiana giggled with happiness as they entered Moya's docking web, D'Argo pulling back on the thrusters, leaning back in his seat, feeling relief set in knowing they had beaten the carrier.
"Pilot, as soon as we are in, starburst," Aeryn said in a tired voice. This encounter with the peacekeepers had been too close for comfort, taking its toll on everyone. She only wanted to be away from this part of the Unchartered Territories.
As Lo'La settled in the Leviathan's bay, Moya set to starburst, leaving the carrier standing in her wake.
xxxxx
Grayza stared as the ship disappeared from the carrier's screen.
"They're gone, Commandant. The Leviathan starburst as soon as the ship docked," Braca explained. "We can only try to track them again." He knew this crew too well. They would have little chance to capture them if they didn't change their tactics, but Grayza was unwilling to do this. Until that time they would only suffer one defeat after another in securing John Crichton.
"Braca, set a course for a cluster of commerce planets. We will pick up their signal again," she replied, calmly, in control of her disappointment. "Meet me in my quarters in an arn.we have much to discuss."
"Yes ma'am," he replied, unsure of what this meant. He only knew it couldn't be good, feeling a shiver go down his spine, resigned to whatever fate held for him.
xxxxx
Chiana was beside herself, feeling giddy, being home on Moya again. She had felt tense for so long, she allowed herself this moment of happiness. She extended her hand to John as she rose to her feet, ready to exit the vessel.
John smiled and shook his head. "Go ahead, Pip. I won't be far behind," he said, his voice subtle. "Just give me a few microts."
Scorpius followed Chiana, passing John on his way out. He stopped and turned to the human. "I won't get in your way. You could have left me on the planet, but you didn't," Scorpius said. "For that I owe you John Crichton." He turned, and walked towards the exit, leaving the ship.
John clenched his jaw, holding in his retort. There was no doubt about his feelings for the half-Scarran, his eyes smoldering as he watched Scorpius leave the vessel. John dropped his head, not accustomed to feeling such hatred for another. It was new to him and he didn't like it, but at the same time he couldn't overcome it.
John finally rose to his feet, his body weary from the abuse. He slowly righted himself, balancing his body on both legs before trying to leave the ship. Confident he could walk on his own he started towards the exit. Aeryn stopped him before he could leave.
"Wait for me, John. I'll only be a few microts," she said, her hand on his arm.
John sighed, looking away. "Aeryn, there's somewhere I want to go before my quarters," he replied, tired of their constant observation. "By the time you're finished here, I'll be in my room." He pulled his arm away and left.
Aeryn and D'Argo stared as he exited the ship.
"Let him be, Aeryn. You know John when he feels he has to do something. Meet him later," D'Argo said, understanding her concern, but it was rare to be able to change John's mind.
xxxxx
Pilot was honored; it was rare for the Commander to be in his den.
"Hello, Pilot. How is Moya?" John asked sincerely, taking a seat by him and laying his hand on one of his claws.
"Moya is well, Commander, but how are you?" Pilot asked in a concerned tone, remembering his last night on the Leviathan. He didn't think John looked very well, but he had been gone for a monen. Many things changed with time.
"I'll live, Pilot," John replied in a tired voice. "I want to thank you and Moya for risking yourselves to come back for me." John said, dropping slowly down in front of Pilot's console, sitting with his back against it.
The actions and tone in Crichton's voice worried Pilot. It was not at all like the human he knew. John's voice was flat, the emotion Pilot was used to was gone.
"Commander, Moya sends her love, but she doesn't think you are well. Perhaps I should call Officer Sun," Pilot said, worried about the human that had endeared himself to them.
"Don't do that Pilot, please. I need some space for a few microts, a place to hide. They'll never look for me here. I just need to reconnect with you and Moya for awhile," John said, laying his head down on his arm, as he stretched and lowered his tired body to the deck. "Please, Pilot."
Pilot relented, thinking he understood what Crichton meant. "Very well, Commander. We will be here for as long as you need us."
"Thanks, Pilot," John said feeling his eyes getting heavy, the sleep he had been deprived of finally settling in. "Hey Pilot, what would you do if you didn't know who you were anymore?" John asked, dipping deeper into the sleep that beckoned him, finally giving in, never hearing Pilot's words.
Pilot wondered at the question, but chose not to ask, feeling only sorrow for his crew member. He didn't know what had happened in the monen since Crichton had left Moya, but he knew it had taken a toll on the human. "John, sleep for now. The answers will come later."
xxxxx
Aeryn finished helping D'Argo with Lo'La as she heading to John's quarters, fearful of him being alone too long. She entered his chambers and called out his name. When she didn't see him in the room, Aeryn checked the wash room, finding no evidence John had been there.
"Frell!" Aeryn shouted, racing out of the converted cell in search of John. She opened her comm as she ran down the corridor, heading for the terrace. "D'Argo, I can't find John! Is he with you or Chiana?"
D'Argo was in command, checking Moya's systems, making sure no maintenance was needed since they had been gone. He was surprised by Aeryn's question as he tapped his comm to answer, "I haven't see John since he left the ship, Aeryn. Have you checked the terrace? You know how much he likes that room."
"I'm on my way there as we speak, D'Argo. See if any of the others know where John is," Aeryn replied, feeling the panic start to rise. She knew she shouldn't have let him go by himself. Aeryn saw on their return to Moya the many mood swings John was experiencing, knowing this wasn't normal for him.
Aeryn stood in front of the terrace almost afraid to enter. If John wasn't in that room, she didn't know what she would do. Aeryn pushed her fear down and palmed the door. Stepping into the room, she looked over it, her heart sinking, seeing no sign of John. Aeryn felt the tears of frustration slowly glide down her face, remembering their last moments together a monen ago.
Dropping her head, she leaned against the warmth of Moya's walls, drawing strength from her pulsations. Aeryn composed herself, deciding to check one more place before she joined D'Argo in command.
xxxxx
John slept fitfully alternating between crying in his sleep and screaming, the memories turned into nightmares he couldn't control, tumbling out haphazardly. Pilot knew he couldn't let this continue. He had never heard such pain come from one being.
"Officer Sun, I'm not sure I am doing the right thing, but I think you need to come to my chamber," Pilot said, feeling he had betrayed the human, but not knowing what else to do.
Aeryn's voice caught in her throat, hearing the screams through the comms. "Pilot, has John been with you all this time?" Aeryn asked, running towards his den. "We've been looking for him!"
"Yes, Officer Sun. I am sorry.I promised.him," Pilot replied, understanding her anger.
Aeryn commed D'Argo. "John's with Pilot, meet me there, D'Argo" she said as she rounded the corner to the chamber.
Aeryn palmed the door open and saw John on the floor, his arms flailing at empty air, his screams unintelligible. She went to his side and grabbed his arms, her voice soothing. "John, shh, shh. You're home now. No one can hurt you here. Please John, wake up."
"No! No! Get the hell away from me! I won't tell you anything about Aeryn!" John shouted in his sleep, fighting the hold Aeryn had over him. He was back in his nightmare with Grayza, Aeryn's voice never penetrating. John used his legs to knock her away, as Aeryn went reeling towards the other side of Pilot's chamber.
John jumped to his feet, his anger totally consuming him. "Just leave me the frell alone, Grayza! You've taken everything from me, you're not taking the only memories I have left to hold onto!" John raged, the tears mingling with the hatred in his eyes. "I may be your bitch, but not because I want to be." John's voice cracked on his last statement, defeat showing in his face.
Aeryn pulled herself up and leaned against the wall, listening to his rant, realizing John was reliving his time with Grayza. She knew he had reacted to her thinking she was Grayza, her heart going out to him. Aeryn realized the full impact of the horror he had gone through. Grayza had tried to strip him of everything he held dear to him, but John had fought her and for that he had paid dearly, mentally and physically. Aeryn had never seen John display so much distress in the four cycles she had been with him.
Aeryn remained quiet, not wanting to provoke John, waiting for D'Argo. She watched John as he went from one rant to another. One microt he was talking about Grayza the other Scorpius, as he paced back and forth like a lost soul. She flinched each time she saw him slam his fist against Moya's walls, not daring to attempt to stop him from hurting himself in his living nightmare.
D'Argo finally appeared and watched the human for a few microts. Looking to Aeryn, he silently questioned her, pointing to his mouth. Aeryn nodded in ascent, hating to resort to this, but knowing they had no other way to snap him out of his nightmare.
D'Argo waited until John turned his back and then tongued him, the human momentarily stunned, falling to the floor. Aeryn and D'Argo both rushed to his side, checking over him, seeing his bleeding knuckles, but pleased there were no other injuries.
D'Argo scooped John into his arms. "Let's take him to his quarters, Aeryn. I'll sit with you until he wakes up," D'Argo said, knowing how hard this had been on her. "We'll help him together."
Aeryn couldn't find any words, the scene playing in her mind again. She nodded and followed D'Argo out of Pilot's chamber, but not before glancing back. "Thank you Pilot. for keeping him safe."
"He is my friend too, Aeryn," Pilot replied, upset over the condition of John Crichton.
xxxxx
Aeryn sat by John's bed, watching him toss and turn, murmuring much of which they couldn't understand. Chiana relieved D'Argo so he could get some rest, approaching Aeryn.
Chiana massaged Aeryn's shoulders, feeling the tension in her. Aeryn relaxed under Chiana's skillful fingers, smiling at the Nebari with thanks.
"He'll be alright, Aeryn," Chiana said, her voice soft and caring. "Having to deal with Grayza and Scorpius sent John to the edge this time."
"How.how do I get him back?" Aeryn asked, looking up at the Nebari, the tears slowly cascading down her face. "I caused this! If I hadn't brought Scorpius aboard.."
Chiana cut Aeryn off in mid sentence, speaking candidly. "No Aeryn, Scorpius was only part of it. It started the first time you left Moya then returned only to shut John out. He was falling apart while you were gone and then to come back and treat him like he was a piece of dren was the worst thing that could have happened. I know you grieved for the other John, but our John felt alive again when he saw you, but he slowly lost the one thing that kept him sane.hope."
Aeryn's first instinct was to lash out at Chiana, her words cutting deeply into her soul. She stopped herself knowing Chiana was sincere in what she had said. Aeryn had seen a new side of Chiana on the carrier when Grayza had captured them. Chiana had grown, only wanting the best for them, her juvenile behavior gone. "You know I was grieving, Chiana. We had.enjoyed so much.together.it just hurt to see John. He reminded me of what I had lost."
"Aeryn, I understand, but you never truly saw what it did to him. You were so consumed by your loss, you couldn't see anybody else's pain. This John suffered along with you. He was your second chance at happiness, but you couldn't see the pain he shared with you. John is the same one you spent your time on Talyn with. He hasn't changed. You are still the center of his world," Chiana replied sincerely.
Both Aeryn and Chiana were startled hearing John's voice, focusing on him.
"Where the frell am I?" John asked, straightening himself, his muscles crying out with the effort, flinching as he focused on Aeryn and Chiana. "What did I do to deserve this headache?" He tried to lift his head, the throbbing only getting worse by his actions. He dropped back down to the pillow, massaging his temples and closing his eyes.
"John, you are in your quarters. We found you in Pilot's den," Aeryn replied. She saw him recoil, remembering what had taken place.
"Oh God," John whispered ashamed, turning on his side away from them.
Aeryn placed her hand lightly on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't become violent again. She felt him pull away slightly, but Aeryn didn't withdraw her hand. "How are you feeling, John?" Aeryn asked, caressing his shoulder.
John moved his body closer to the wall, wanting her to stop. He didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him, least of all Aeryn.
Aeryn let him go, unwilling to force herself on him. That would only be reminiscent of Grayza and she didn't want John to feel that way. "Ok," she stated simply. Turning to the Nebari, Aeryn asked, "Chiana, would you please get some food for John? I'm sure he's hungry."
"Right, Aeryn, I'll be back shortly with something light. I'd bet it's been awhile since John's eaten," Chiana said, noticing his obvious weight loss, turning to head to the center chamber. She was confident the violence in John was gone.
John pulled himself up, positioning his back into the corner of the wall, leaning his head back, feeling the warmth from Moya. "Would you quit talking like I'm not in the room?" He asked in a whisper, his vocal chords raw from his screams earlier.
"Then talk to me John," Aeryn said gently, still unsure of his mental state. She reached her shaking hand out to him, wanting to touch him so badly it hurt. She wanted to cleanse his mind of all the bad, if only she could. Aeryn wanted to help him forget, to bring back the human that talked too much. She would give anything to hear his nonstop chatter again, remembering how endearing it really was.
John saw her outstretched hand, hesitant for a moment before he took it in his, tracing his fingers over it, feeling the softness he had longed to feel for so long. "It's.too.hard," he said, the tears easing slowly out of the corners of his eyes. "I.I.can't."
Aeryn felt his pain and understood. She wouldn't push him, knowing what he had gone through was unspeakable for him at this microt. Aeryn knew all he needed was time and to be able to trust her again and that would come. "John? Would it be alright if I sit with you? We don't have to talk."
John nodded in ascent, relieved she wouldn't press him anymore. He helped her on the bed as she took her hand back and wrapped her arms around him, settling in the corner with him, putting her head on his shoulder. She smiled, feeling John's head lean against hers. They sat that way for a few microts before John found his voice again. "Aeryn, did you .really mean what you said when I left Moya?" John asked needing to hear the truth.
Aeryn raised her head from his shoulder and turned to him, cupping his chin in her hands, tenderly turning his face towards hers. "I never say what I don't mean. You will always have my heart John Crichton.until the day we die," she said, the tears glistening in her eyes. Aeryn embraced him tightly in her arms, the final stone unturned, his head on her shoulder now, their tears mingling with each others. Aeryn knew they would be alright now. She wouldn't have it any other way.
The End