AN: Slightly revised for some stylistic changes.
Max is exhausting, or maybe it's just that it's been a while for me. Even before the shooting I had been living a celibate life for some time. Random couplings held no interest for me. I went that route in college and afterwards, but that had begun to grow old to me about the time I met Val. Maybe that's the reason I convinced myself I loved her and married her. I was looking for something more and it seemed like she was someone I could find it with. That turned out to be a complete fiasco that left me feeling cynical and distrustful of most of the female sex
After Valerie I buried myself in my work, retreating from the world of relationships and messy emotions. It was easier to devote myself to the good of humanity in the abstract. For a while some of my friends tried to get me to come out with them and I went through the usual rounds of blind dates and casual "fix-ups" before I finally put an end to it by telling them I had no time or interest. Then came the shooting, and all thoughts of sex fled my mind.
Until Max started coming around that is. The physical attraction had been there from the beginning, even though I originally only planned to use it to hook her into helping Eyes Only. But the more I got to know her, the more I became aware of how much I wanted her.
The past few months have been a planned assault on Max's defenses. Maybe my own experiences made me sensitive to it, but I've always known that moving too fast with Max would send her running.
Tonight she certainly isn't going anywhere though. We're lying together here in my bed, both relaxed. I'm leaning back against the headboard, and Max is curled up against me drawing patterns on my chest with her finger, her face obscured by her hair.
"Mmm this is nice, Logan."
Is that a note of surprise in her voice? Curious I ask, "What's nice?"
"This. Cuddling. Usually guys want to do this and all I want to do is leave and get home to take a shower. But it's different with you. It's…nice."
I smile and drop a kiss on the top of her head. "Maybe because there's more between us than just sex, Max?" I ask her. She is quiet for a minute and then raises her head to look into my eyes. Max has the most incredible eyes I've ever seen. When I look into them it's as if I'm looking into her soul.
I don't understand this connection between the two of us. It's different from anything I've ever experienced with any other woman. It sounds corny but I believe that, in some deep elemental way, we are soul mates. I may not know everything she has done in her life, and she certainly doesn't know everything about me, but it doesn't matter. I know the essential Max – who she really is underneath it all, and I think she knows me; the me that I normally keep buried under my crusading hero persona.
"I don't know Logan. Things are different with you. I'm not sure why." Her voice is almost a whisper as she confesses, "I've been running from this for months but tonight I couldn't run anymore."
I hug her closer and reassure her, "I know. Me too."
I hesitate a minute. Is it too soon? What happens if I push this just a little more? She hasn't run yet but she still could. I give myself a mental shake and remind myself that I promised myself to put it on the line tonight. Max leads a precarious existence, and I haven't exactly chosen the safest profession in the world. Anything could happen to either one of us tomorrow. Do I want to spend the rest of my life regretting what might have been? My shooting should have taught me that you need to seize the moment when it comes, because it may never come again. Lost in thought I become aware that Max is speaking again.
"Earth to Logan. Are you still here?" She is looking up at me curiously, and I am overcome by a rush of emotions as I look back down at her.
"Nowhere else, Max." My voice is husky, with nerves as she continues to look at me. She knows what I am about to say will change everything between us, I can tell, but she doesn't try to stop me, just waits. "I'm in love with you Max. I don't know how or when it happened but it did." I stop, out of words, and wait for her reaction.
When it comes her voice is so soft I can barely hear it.
"Me too, Logan."
Her words don't register for a few seconds because I am expecting something completely different to come out of her mouth. Something along the lines of "Gotta Blaze," followed by her jumping up and grabbing her clothes. When I realize what she has actually said, my heart seems to stop. I try to answer but all that will come out is her name.
"Max…"
I realize I am clutching her to me like a drowning man would a life preserver, and I relax my hold. I still can't find words so I lean down and kiss her gently and she responds in kind. For long minutes the kiss continues and somehow words aren't needed, as is so often the case between us.