Title: Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!
Author: Rowan Seven
Teaser: Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion! Will Washu regain her memories? Will Tenchi grow a spine? Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help? Can Kagato be a good guy? Will the universe be saved? All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!
Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC. Other characters belong to their respective creators. I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.
Notes: This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.
The wall separating the dining room from the outside explodes, showering the people inside with shards of wood. Standing on what would've been the other side of the wall if it had still existed and with a finger extended is Ryouga.
Tenchi: Two walls down, two to go. Dad's _really_ not going to be happy about this…
Ryouga: Um, is the Masaki Residence?
Mihoshi: Why, yes it is! You wouldn't happen to be a door-to-door salesman by any chance, would you?
Ryouga: (Sweatdrops.) No miss, I'm not. To be altogether honest, I'm a wandering martial artist recently conscripted into the service of a cosmic entity whose first order was for me to conquer Jurai. Having successfully completed that mission, I've now been ordered to kidnap a member of the Masaki Residence so that the lot of you will be forced to mount a heroic rescue effort, the attempt culminating in a battle for the fate of the universe in my lady's sanctuary.
Yume: (Her watch beeps. She looks at the time.) Drat! Under normal circumstances I'd hang around, assist in the cosmic fight against you, and show up my rival Washu, but I've got to meet Dr. Who for a cup of tea. Let's go Hishima.
Hishima: (Staring at Kagato.) We shall meet again. (Turns around and leaves the scene with Yume.)
Ryouga: (Scratches the back of his head, puzzled.) Er…did I interrupt something?
Washu: Nothing too out of the ordinary. So, which one of us are you going to kidnap?
Ryouga: My lady did not specify. I was sort of hoping that you could decide amongst yourselves.
Kagato: I'd rather not. I just came back from the dead, after all.
Washu: I'm in the middle of several experiments. If you'd called ahead things might be different, but as is I don't have the time to be kidnapped. Try again in…let's say about 500 years.
Tenchi: I'm the hero, and as such it's my job to rescue the kidnapped person.
Mihoshi: But what about Nagi-
Tenchi: Wrong continuity. Besides, Nagi's not a villain. She's a bounty hunter. Therefore, she's allowed to bend the rules.
Mihoshi: Okay! Anyway, as a Galaxy Policewoman, I would be lax in my duties as an officer of the law if I allowed myself to be kidnapped.
Kiyone: As tempting as it would be to get away from Mihoshi, I'll have to pass.
Katsuhito: I'm old and claim senior privileges.
Ryo-ohki: Miya!
Mayuka: Waah!
Sasami: No thanks! I've still got to make supper.
Ryoko: I nominate Aeka! As a princess it's her royal duty to be kidnapped, and she already has more experience in that area than the rest of us! Let me show you the chart. (Takes out a chart.)
Occasions a Member of the Tenchi Household has been Kidnapped:
Yosho/Katsuhito – 0.
Mayuka – 1, by Yuzaha in the 2nd Tenchi movie.
Tenchi – 2, by Nagi in the tv series and Haruna in the 3rd Tenchi movie.
Sasami – 1, by Yugi in the Shin series.
Mihoshi – 0.
Kiyone – 0.
Noboyuki – 0.
Azaka – 0.
Kamidake – 0.
Washu – 0.
Ryo-ohki – 0.
Ryoko – 2, by Kagato in the OAV series and Dr. Clay in the 2nd OAV series.
Aeka – 3, by Kagato in the TV series, Yakage in the manga, and Lord Garyu in the manga.
Ryouga: That is a persuasive argument…
Aeka: Wait just a minute! I nominate Ryoko because this story is taking place in the OAV series, and she is kidnapped in every OAV series. The storyline practically demands that she be kidnapped.
Ryouga: As a villain, far be it for me to go against the storyline and do something original. Ryoko, prepare yourself!
Tenchi: (Positions himself in front of Ryoko with the sword Tenchi ignited.) No, I won't let you do it! In order to kidnap Ryoko you'll have to go through me.
Sasami: (Picks up a kitchen knife and stands beside Tenchi.) And me!
Mihoshi: (Moves next to Sasami.) And me!
Kiyone: (Groans and stands next to Mihoshi.) Me too!
Washu: (Stands in front of Mihoshi.) There's no way I'm letting my daughter leave with some strange boy whose name I don't even know!
Ryo-ohki: Miyaaaaa! (Stands in front of Sasami and claws at the air.)
Mayuka: Waah! (She doesn't move from her stroller, but her eyes briefly light up with menacing arcane power.)
Kagato: (Forms his energy sword.) Over my second dead body!
Katsuhito: (Puts down his cup of tea. His glasses glint for a moment. He then stands up, takes a sword out from somewhere, and walks over and stands on Tenchi's other side.) My grandson is right. To take Ryoko away you'll have to defeat all of us.
Aeka: (Stands undecided.)…
Tenchi: Aeka?
Aeka: (To herself.) Oh, what should I do? With Ryoko gone the path to Tenchi's heart will be all mine, but could I live with myself if I don't help now? Oh, I'm so torn! I know that Ryoko has helped rescue me every time I've been kidnapped, but still…
Sasami: Aeka…
Aeka: (Looks at Sasami, slowly lets her gaze travel across the group, finally resting on Tenchi's face. She seems to come to a decision and regally makes her way to stand next to Tenchi.)
Sasami: Aeka!
Ryoko: …(Stunned look on her face.) Ooooh, you people really do care about me. I'm so…touched! Thank you all so very much. But don't worry, I can take care of myself. (Energy crackles around her as she smiles viciously at Ryouga.)
D3: (Materializes in the room.) This overly sentimental and poorly written moment has been brought to you courtesy of Rowan Seven. AIC and Pioneer are not in any way, shape, or form responsible for what you all have just witnessed. Good day. (Disappears.)
Ryouga: I'll just ignore that. At any rate, I'm guessing that since you're all assembled against me that it's time for me to show just how bad and strong I am by overpowering all of you and taking Ryoko. Yet another unoriginal and fairly predictable move. My role in this story is so clichéd. I'd be terribly upset by all this if I actually enjoyed being evil…
Washu: Enough jabbering already! We don't have all day, you know. I still have several micro-universes to clean up.
Ryouga: Fine, sheesh. I give you all a perfectly good opportunity to run away and thus delay or even thwart my lady's designs, but you act like this is Dragonball Z and demand to fight. Since that's the case, I'll dispense a customary and trite phrase and begin. FEEL MY TRUE POWER!!! (A dark and howling bluish green aura springs up around him as the triangular symbols of power appear on his forehead and 5 light hawk wings materialize in front of him.)
Kiyone: More light hawk wings? What, did Tsunami sell the secret of Jurai recently or something? I know! I bet the thousands of years of Jurai domination were just a really long commercial for light hawk wings, and now that the universe might be ending Tsunami is selling them to everyone at highly inflated prices so she can make a huge profit and retire to some parallel dimension!
On Jurai…
Tsunami: D'oh!
Back on Earth…
Tenchi and Kagato generate their own sets of light hawk wings.
Tenchi: Hah! It's our six to your five! You're outnumbered, villain!
Ryouga: Is that so? Bakusai Tenketsu Revised! Bakusai Tenketsu Blast! (Shoots an extremely small sliver of ki at Tenchi's light hawk wings. They blow up.)
Mihoshi: Whoa! He just detonated Tenchi's light hawk wings by revising the breaking point technique, an ancient Amazon martial arts move rarely seen outside of China's interior, so that instead of exploding rocks with the touch of a finger it discharges energy fields with a ki beam! Amazing!
Tenchi: …Since when has Mihoshi been a living encyclopedia of martial arts techniques?
Kiyone: See Viz Graphic Novel "No Need for Tenchi #6: Dream a Little Scheme."
Ryouga: Enough with the continuity notes! I've got work that, though I strongly disagree with it on a basis of honor and principles, I still must do. SHISHIHOUKOUDAN!!! (Fires a green energy blast.)
Various Tenchi cast members: AAAAaaaahhhh! (All fall down.)
Ryouga: Now that that's taken care of I shall-, oh drat, I'm supposed to laugh maniacally again right now aren't I? (Sighs.) Ranma, I still don't know how yet but somehow this is all your fault! Mwhahahahaha!!! (Picks up and tosses Ryoko over his left shoulder. He begins to walk away.)
Tenchi: (Slowly and weakly climbing back onto his feet.) Not…so…fast! You can't take…Ryoko. I…
Ryouga: Yes? Are you going to make to some sort of earth-stunning revelation right now? This scene does seem to demand one, after all.
Tenchi: (About halfway up now.) I…llllll-
Ryouga: Will you hurry up and say whatever you're going to say already? The story can't proceed until you do, and the sooner I'm out of this poorly written attempt at a parody the better.
Tenchi: (Standing up now.) I…love…her.
Silence until…
Ryoko: Wahooo!!! (Leaps off Ryouga's shoulder and joyfully dances in mid-air.) Oh Tenchi, you've made me this happiest 5,000 year old former space pirate grown out of a test tube in this dimension!
Ryouga: I hate to interrupt this tender moment and confession of love which everybody else has conveniently missed since they're all unconscious, but I'm supposed to be dragging you off to my lady's lair now. I do apologize for my actions. (Whaps Ryoko over the head with his umbrella. She falls unconscious, and Ryouga once again tosses her over his shoulder and prepares to leave.)
Tenchi: Wait!
Ryouga: What now? Don't tell me you have another dramatic revelation you want to make!
Tenchi: No, but before you go you could at the very least tell me who you are and who you work for! It is customary for the bad guy to explain things to the good guys, you know.
Ryouga: Point. Very well then, instrument of Tsunami. I am Hibiki Ryouga, the Eternally Lost Boy, and I work for…(Insert dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!
Dun dun DUN!
Tenchi: Who?
Ryouga: I said I work for…(Insert another dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!
Dun dun DUN!
Tenchi: Okay, I heard you that time, but where is that music coming from?
Ryouga: (Shrugs.) How should I know? Now, if you don't mind, I have to return to Tokimi's Sanctuary. My lady awaits your coming.
Tenchi: But how will I find that place?
Ryouga: (Sighs.) Do I have to do everything? Some hero you're turning out to be. Just follow this map that I have conveniently drawn. (Tosses Tenchi a map.) Good-bye! (Leaves.)
Later…
Kagato: (Now fully recovered from Ryouga's attack as is everyone else.) Hmmm, after careful analysis of this map I must conclude that it is…completely worthless. Not only does it not lead to any hidden mythological fortress, but it actually crisscrosses 3 dimensions and jumps to and from several galaxies. Obviously this Ryouga character is trying to delay us with this 'map', giving his master more time to accomplish her plans. No one has cartography skills this bad. By the way, what did you say his master's name was again?
Tenchi: He said he worked for…(Insert dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!
Dun dun DUN!
Washu: (Twitches and speaks to herself.) Why does that name sound so blasted familiar? Could she have something to do with my mysterious birth and the three mystic gems? Aaargh! Why can't I remember?
Tsunami: Because you sealed your memories away.
Washu: Oh, thanks. That explains things- Tsunami! When did you get here?
Kagato: (Grins sinisterly.) So this is the Tsunami unit! I had no idea that it had merged with Sasami. Marvelous. Absolutely marvelous. Why, if I were still a villain I'd find someway to brainwash her, possess her, duplicate her power, and with her completely under my thrall rule the universe! Mwhahaha! (Everyone stares at him.) Eheheh, remember, I said _if_ I was still a villain. _If_ being the key word here.
Tsunami: Indeed. (Turns back to Washu.) As for your question, Washu, I just got here about 3 minutes ago. I would've been here early enough to help you against Ryouga, but I got held up by a new episode of Universal Hospital. Brini needed surgery and-
Aeka: Really? But I thought that Catni was the one going in for-
Tsunami: No, that was just a warped dream.
Aeka: Truly? But that means that the entire last decade didn't happen! What about Noni-
Tsunami: Yep. He's once again stuck in that love polygon with Kanidad, Ryoni, J'anni, and Mu.
Aeka: That's so unfair! After all the pain and suffering he went through just to put an end to it all, only to have the entire thing turn out to be a-
Tsunami: Yes, I know the feeling. Were I a vengeful goddess, those producers would be feeling a little divine retribution right about now, but since I'm not-
TV: (Turns itself on by using the Universal Coincidence Principle – that contradictory information will pop up to disprove the speaker's words or actions in the form of a coincidence, as witnessed on countless television shows.) This just in. The producers of the popular soap opera "Universal Hospital" have themselves been hospitalized following several serious confrontations with rampaging natural phenomena. It's as if some divine entity is seriously ticked off at them folks. We'll continue to bring you the latest updates on this following- (A bolt of lightning strikes the TV, destroying it.)
Tsunami: (Coughs and attempts to look innocent.) Anyway, we have more important issues to discuss than soap operas. (Faces Tenchi.) Tenchi, Jurai is in grave peril. A dark power, the one whom you know as Hibiki Ryouga, has descended upon and conquered the planet, ruling it with a democratic hand. If he is not stopped soon the class system will be abolished, the monarchy disbanded, and the peasants will get such disturbing ideas as equal rights, liberty, and freedom for all in their heads.
Aeka: Eeek! How…horrifying and utterly evil! Truly this Hibiki Ryouga is a bad, bad man, spreading such gibberish. Lord Tenchi, he must be stopped!
Tenchi: You do know that the author of this story is an American, right?
Tsunami and Aeka: ……
Tenchi: (Sighs.) I guess not.
Katsuhito: Anyone else feel like they're being ignored?
Ryo-ohki: Miya!
Mihoshi: I must concur, dear chap. My last written vocalization, it being a running commentary on the avatar Hibiki Ryouga's shattering of Lord Tenchi Masaki's light hawk wings, was virtually four pages behind this current speaking part of mine which is utilizing exceptionally un-Mihoshi-like vernacular. I must say that it is all extremely distressing, what with me being a main character and all.
Everyone stares at her.
Mihoshi: (Eyes widen in fright.) Kiyone, everyone's looking at me and I don't know what I've done wrong! I'm scared! DidIgrowasecondheadormaybemytailgrewback!I-
knowInevertoldyouthatIhadatailbutpleasedon'tbemadKiyone!Iwasyoungandimpression-ableatthetimeanditwasalltherageonmyplanet!Itallhappenedbecauseof- (Gets down on her knees and clamps onto Kiyone's legs in panic as she continues her confusing confession.)
Everyone except Kiyone who is now trying to pry Mihoshi off of her legs return to what they were doing now that Mihoshi is acting in character again.
Kagato: Might I suggest that, since Lady Tsunami appears to be familiar with our new enemies, that she fill us in on them?
Washu: Careful Kagato, what you just said actually sounded like a bit of common sense, and we can't have any of that in this story.
Kagato: (Sighs.) Indeed…
Tsunami: Regardless of how much sense it makes, I was already going to do that anyway even before Kagato suggested it. You see, long, long ago…
Katsuhito: (Cups his hands in front of his mouth.) Everyone, prepare for exposition mode!
The scene dissolves into pixels.
Narrator Tsunami:
Long, long ago, back in the earliest days of the universe, there were three sisters with cosmic powers. There was the oldest who had a keen mind and was a representative of logic. There was the youngest, most beautiful, kindest, nicest, and overall good one who loved order, peace, happiness, and all that stuff. In case you couldn't tell from my description, _I_ am that sister. Then there was the terrible, evil, black-hearted, dark middle sister named Tokimi. An agent of chaos, she went around blowing up planets, enslaving races, and being an overall menace to the entire universe! Her antics eventually drove the oldest sister to near insanity, and to protect her mind and self she transformed herself into a mortal. Now almost completely unchecked, Tokimi continued fomenting murder, rebellion, greed, and dangerous lust on millions of worlds. In the end, I nobly and selflessly stepped in and, after an exhausting battle, managed to lock her outside the universe. Sadly, though, she found a crack in the fabric of reality and has been collecting followers for the past couple thousand years. Now with her new avatar she seeks to reenter this dimension and return to her sinister ways.
The scene returns.
Washu: All well and good, I suppose, but what does this have to do with me?
Sasami: And what's Ryouga's backstory?
Mihoshi: And how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? (Everyone except her sweatdrops.) What? I've always wanted to know that!
Tsunami: Answering your questions in reverse order, that question has eluded the universe's sages for millennia, and even I am uncertain of the answer. You'll have to ask an even higher power about that one. As for Ryouga, following the threads of his destiny back in time was an extremely confusing process, but from what I've discerned he's a cursed martial artist caught up in a love-polygon that puts even Tenchi's to shame and engaged in an ongoing rivalry with a fellow martial artist named Saotome Ranma. As for you, Washu, you are…(Insert dramatic music.)…the oldest sister.
Dun dun DUN!
Washu: (Stunned.) Whoa. I'm a goddess and I didn't even know it! Of course, me being a goddess makes perfect sense and all…
Kagato: (Irately.) Do you realize the horror that you have unleashed upon us all, Lady Tsunami? Now that Washu knows that she's a former goddess, her ego will increase tenfold! No one will be safe from her boasts and arrogance! It's the-…wait a minute! This means that I, Kagato, single-handedly outwitted a goddess…Hmmm, I guess I can live with this development after all. Mwhahaha!
Kiyone: Geniuses. Can't live with them, can't advance the plot without them.
Tenchi: As interesting as all this is, shouldn't we be leaving to rescue Ryoko now?
Aeka: Oh, what's your hurry Lord Tenchi? That monster woman can look after herself, and we can finally have some (Blushes.) time alone for a change.
Sad, depressing music begins to play.
Tenchi: Aeka, I…
Katsuhito, having a hunch as to where this is going, decides that discretion is the better part of valor and hides.
Aeka: (Nervously.) Yes, Lord Tenchi? Is there something you wish to tell me? Some heartfelt proclamation that you made in the heat of battle and wish to make public, perhaps?
Tenchi: (Walks up till he's standing in front of her and gently strokes a lock of her hair.) I…never wanted to hurt you, Aeka.
Aeka: Then don't hurt me, Lord Tenchi! I know we can be happy together! Just give me a chance!
Tenchi: (Eyes downcast.) I'm sorry, Aeka, but I…love Ryoko.
Aeka: NOOOO! (Weakly beats her fists against his chest.) Why, Tenchi? Is it something I've done? Some flaw of mine that repulses you? I'll change, Tenchi. I'll do anything for you. Just please, tell me what I can do to make you choose me instead!
Tenchi: (Hugs her gently.) Aeka, my decision has nothing to do with you. You are a beautiful, attractive, magnificent woman. Any man would be lucky to have you as his wife. It's just that…Ryoko is the one in my heart. When I picture my future, I can't imagine it without her. Please, try to understand Aeka. I care about you, but only as a friend. I apologize, but I can't be anything more to you than that, and if you continue to pursue me like you do you might lose even that.
Aeka: (Sobbing, but slowly beginning to regain her composure.) So be it, L-l-lord Tenchi. (Steps away from him.) I'll assist you in your endeavor to save Ryoko, but afterwards I'll return to Jurai. I've been away far too long as it is.
Tenchi: Aeka, I-
Aeka: (Weakly smiles as tears roll down her face.) No need, Lord Tenchi. I do understand. Know this, however. You shall always have a place in my heart. (Looks around at everyone else.) Well, what are we all waiting for? Let's go rescue Ryoko and get this over with!
The sad, depressing music stops.
Tsunami: (Quietly.) Curses, there goes my free entertainment.
Mihoshi: Did you say something Tsunami?
Tsunami: No, nothing at all. (Smiles.) Congratulations, Lord Tenchi. I'm sure Ryoko and you will be very happy together when this is all over.
Washu: Tenchi, I'm ecstatic that you've finally chosen my daughter. Why, when I think about the experiments I'll be able to legally perform on you with you as my son-in-law…(Trails off.)
Tenchi: (Shudders in fright.) Thanks, I think.
Kagato: Hmm, I'll have to have a talk with you about your intentions towards my daughter, Tenchi. (Grins sinisterly, revealing his fangs.)
Kiyone: Yeah, congratulations, but I do have a question: just how are we going to rescue Ryoko so you two can spend the rest of your lives in happiness together when we don't even know where she is?
Washu: Fear not, Kiyone, for this is a simple job for the…greatest scientific genius in the universe! Mwhahaha!
WashuA: Let's not forget former goddess!
WashuB: Yeah, you're the greatest scientific genius in the universe _and_ an ex-cosmic entity!
WashuA & WashuB: You're the greatest! (Disappear.)
Washu: Mwhahaha! Correct, and I have just the invention to locate my daughter! (Takes out what looks like a futuristic vacuum cleaner with blinking lights.) Behold, the sniff-o-matic-locator 10,000! Capable of tracking down anything across planets, solar systems, galaxies, universes, and even dimensions! With this brilliant tool of mine aiding us, we'll be able to follow Ryouga wherever he goes!
Everyone claps politely.
Katsuhito: Yay, but could you stop using so many exclamation marks? I'm getting a headache.
Washu: Oh, quit complaining! Just because you're finally beginning to feel your 3,000 years of existence doesn't give you the right to deny me the usage of exclamation marks! I'm a bombastic and brilliant scientist! Exclamation marks are a given for me!
Kagato: As opposed to me, a sinister and coldly calculating evil genius that generally speaks in a bitterly icy and menacingly soft voice.
Kiyone: Chalk one up to the forces of evil…
Tsunami: Please, let's not fight amongst ourselves! If we can't overcome the differences that pit us against each other, how will we ever be able to unite against the common foe? Give peace a chance!
Kagato: Must we?
Tenchi: Yes, we must. To save Ryoko, I'll even work with you Kagato, the famed destroyer of ruins and my love's former tormentor. I'll brave the most perilous expanses of space, lay siege to the most heavily fortified fortress, challenge both Tokimi and her avatar alike, battle-
Washu: Yes, yes, we get the picture. Come, Ryo-ohki. While Tenchi continues his heroic monologue let's install my invention into your sensors and prepare for the trip. (Washu and Ryo-ohki in her child form leave.)