Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed
"Oh no!" Bulma wailed, as she and Chichi Matrix felt their ship being pulled towards Screwball 1000. "I'm too young, beautiful, rich and smart to die!"
She and Chichi Matrix clung to each other, as Bulma's Mercedes was pulled closer and closer to Screwball 1000. Just as Bulma was about to go into hysteria again, she and Chichi heard a knock on Bulma's driver's side door.
"Hey, open up!" a loud, masculine voice boomed. "I'm not going to hurt you two!"
Bulma peeked out her window, and she noticed a large, muscular bald man smiling widely back at her. Bulma was relieved to see him smiling, but she would not have been happy to know that he was smiling because he was covertly looking down her dress, admiring her ample cleavage. Unaware of the real reason for his happy expression, Bulma began to crack her window.
"Nice view," the bald man said before he thought.
"Excuse me?" Bulma asked, looking at him strangely.
"Umm…I was admiring your cleavage-I mean your car!" the bald man stammered quickly, his chiseled face reddening.
"So what is this?" Chichi Matrix demanded to know. "Show and tell? Are you aware, Baldy, that we are about to be captured by Screwballs? And you're acting like you could be one of them. Who are you?"
The bald man grumbled under his breath. He didn't appreciate being called "Baldy", but he had no time to worry about that. "Hurl."
"Not in this car, mister," Chichi Matrix told him abruptly. "This is an sixty-thousand spacezeni car, and we don't have regurgitation insurance put on this vehicle yet."
"No, woman, that's my name-Nappa, I mean, Hurl! Anyway, Princess Bulma's rich daddy hired my partner, Lone Prince, and I to rescue you two ladies. Now quit wasting time 'cause we've gotta get out of here, and Lone Prince is not a patient man."
Bulma and Chichi Matrix bit back a few insults that under normal circumstances would have been "hurled" at Hurl, but they wisely decided against it.
"C'mon, Bulma," Chichi Matrix told her gently. She started to say something else when she noticed Hurl's monkeylike tail. "What the hell is that thing?" she demanded to know.
"I'm a Saiyan, woman, and don't you dare to call me a monkey either. I have to warn people of that in advance. Now enough questions; let's go!"
"Wait!" Bulma exclaimed. "I'm not leaving without my collection of Vera Winger-Wang dresses!"
Chichi Matrix sighed, "Bulma, why didn't you put those in one of your capsules?"
"Because I didn't want them to get crushed! I have fifty-thousand spacezeni worth of dresses, and I'm taking them with me!"
Hurl grumbled. He thought the dresses were a waste of time, but he figured the woman needed something to wear. Besides one or two of them could be low-cut, and he might to get to see more of Bulma's sweet flesh. With this thought in mind, he reluctantly agreed to take the dresses (about five of them) out of Bulma's back seat when Bulma unlocked the door.
"I got the frocks," he told them. "Now let's go before Lone Prince and I change our minds!"
Chichi Matrix sighed again. Hurl was handsome, a fine male, but an arrogant jerk as well. She wondered if this Lone Prince would be the same way. "We're coming, we're coming. C'mon, Bulma, let's go. Follow the monk-I mean the Saiyan."
After grabbing what things that she could, Bulma pressed a button on her control panel to open the driver's side door, and she and Chichi Matrix followed Hurl up the ladder that he had pulled down earlier in front of Bulma's car. Bulma held her black Prada bag against her generous chest, thankful for all of the capsules that were inside; they would come in handy later.
Hurl was climbing behind Bulma and Chichi Matrix, and his face was stuck under Chichi Matrix's metal dress. Chichi Matrix looked down at him and snapped, "Stop looking up my canister!"
"Sorry!" Hurl exclaimed, not really meaning it. She got some nice parts, he thought to himself wickedly. He chuckled softly. He wondered briefly, if it would be possible to have sex with a droid. Well, he would definitely find out soon enough.
Ten minutes later…
Lone Prince was idling with his tail, wondering what he and Hurl were going to do to escape once they had Princess Bulma on board. He also briefly wondered what Princess Bulma looked like, if she was beautiful or not. He grinned slyly; if she was beautiful, well…every Prince needed a Princess, even a lone one. Now if she didn't have a height requirement, they might get along just fine…
He'd have to wait and see.
The passenger-side door opened up, and Hurl came stumbling into the Capsulebago, carrying five, fancy expensive dresses. Lone Prince frowned at this sight.
"What the hell are those?" Lone Prince demanded to know.
"Her Highness's Vera Winger-Wang frocks," Hurl panted, for the gorgeous dresses were heavy. He threw them down on the front seat of the vehicle.
"What the hell does the woman think this is--?" Lone Prince asked, annoyed. He reached for the microphone and called through the intercom, "Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"
In the backroom of the Capsulebago…
The messy ship disgusted Bulma. Dozens of food containers from hundreds of restaurants littered the backroom, which also served as a recreation room. There was a mountain of red and green soda cans piled up in one corner, and both women could smell the stench of mold and dirty laundry. Wrinkling her nose, Bulma had heard Lone Prince's last announcement:
"Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"
Bulma seethed with fury. All of those dresses were wedding gifts. She called out in a clear, angry voice, "Now hear this, you fool: you are not touching those dresses. Furthermore, I want this pigpen cleaned up because I refuse to be rescued in such a dump! Hear that?" Chichi Matrix just stared at her with her mouth agape.
Lone Prince yelled back through the intercom, "Now see here, woman! On this ship, I give orders, not take them! And the order for you is to shut up, and do what you are told, and be thankful that I would even bother rescuing such a disrespectful wench such as yourself!"
Bulma growled, "Woman? Wench?"
"Uh oh," Chichi Matrix mumbled.
With full fury, Bulma shouted back, "How dare you talk to me that way? I am Princess Bulma of planet Droolia, and I am to be addressed properly as Your Royal Highness! Now send someone back here to clean up this sea of filth, for I'm drowning in it!"
"If you want it clean, woman, then you clean it! I am Lone Prince, and Lone Prince cleans up for no one! The only thing that I would bother cleaning up is your attitude!"
"Screw you!"
"You promise?" Lone Prince joked hopefully. "That would be nice; I haven't had any in a while."
"Ugh!" Bulma hissed aside to Chichi. She called back to her annoying rescuer, "Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"
Up front with Lone Prince and Hurl…
"Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"
"Perverted bastard, am I? Hurl, remind me to give that loudmouthed woman a piece of my mind!" Lone Prince ordered furiously. "How dare she treat me this way? Does she not know that I am a Prince?"
"Um…Lone Prince, that hasn't been proven yet," Hurl dared to say. Lone Prince thought about cuffing him, but decided against it. He had to let Hurl keep what few brains he did have.
On Screwball 1000…
"Finally, it's about time!" Dark Horns hissed, as one of his subordinates announced that Princess Bulma's Mercedes had been pulled into the ship called Screwball 1000. Twenty minutes later, he, Captain Zarbon, and Porto Rico hurried down to the landing port where Princess Bulma's car had been "parked".
When the three villains arrived, Dark Horns pulled down his mask and once again imitated Montgomery Burns for the umpteenth time that day, rubbing his fingertips together and purring, "Excellent."
Captain Zarbon whispered to Porto Rico, "We've got to find some new villain for him to emulate."
"Or better yet none at all. Did Kiwi destroy those 'Star Wars' and 'Simpsons' videos?" Porto Rico asked.
"They've been disintegrated, yes, and I've already arranged to have Dark Horns' video order sheets monitored, so that he doesn't order new copies."
Dark Horns approached the white Mercedes, but he couldn't see inside because the windows were tinted a navy blue. He stood up haughtily and proudly, declaring loudly, "Well, Princess Bulma, you thought that you could escape us, eh? Ha, we sure showed you didn't we? Yes, we did, little girl, yes we did! No one can escape Frieza-I mean Dark Horns-oh, curses, why couldn't Sawnya have let me use my own name? Anyway, you're now our prisoner until your father surrenders to us the Dragonspaceballs in exchange for your release. And while my people go to retrieve the precious balls, you will be entertaining me and my balls in bed! Hahahahahaha!"
"Um…sire," Captain Zarbon began hesitantly.
"Quiet, Zarbon! Let me finish!" Dark Horns continued to speak towards the vehicle, "It's been a while since I've been with a princess, and I need someone to keep me occupied while we're retrieving your Dragonspaceballs. I am a fine lover, I can assure you, and if you consent-"
"Sire," Captain Zarbon dared to say. "Didn't your father say that you couldn't sleep with her? Remember that last lawsuit when you slept with a princess that you took as a hostage? Princess Allura, I believe the name was. Porto, she played on some show before, some eighties show. What was it?"
"Voltron, you nincompoop!" Dark Horns yelled at him. "And I swear to this day that Prince Lotor was the father of her baby, not me! My father still throws that in my face every time he has to write a check to Princess Allura's home planet! Anyway, since Father said no, I suppose I can't touch this one we just caught." He said towards the car, "Alright, Princess, I'm not going to try anything on you, but you will come out of the vehicle now! Open the door, and come out!"
The car door slowly lifted into the air, but it was not Princess Bulma who stepped out; it was a short, black duck with a white band around his neck and a big bill on his face. He stomped out of the vehicle and scowled.
Captain Zarbon frantically searched through his fanfiction script and gasped, "Daffy Duck? I don't recall him being in this fanfiction!"
"I snnnnnnuck in," Daffy Duck blurted. "I tried out for cameo part that Foghorn Leghorn was in, but I was turned down! What does a big, blussssstery rooster have over a famous duck like me? What makes him so special to be in this story; why he doesn't even have his big beak on half of the Looney Tunes merchandise that I do! What gives?"
Dark Horns snarled, "Who cares? Where is Princess Bulma, you scrawny excuse for poultry?"
"S-some big, bald man with a monkey tail t-t-took them from thissss ship," Daffy blurted out. "I was sleeping in the backseat on a bunch of expensive dresses, and I went to hide in the trunk when the monkey man took the dresses-and my bedding-away. Said his name was Hurl, and that he was taking the dames to some guy named Lone Prince."
Dark Horns growled, "Lone Prince! I knew that other bird came from him!"
Kiwi came running into the landing port. "Sire, our radar has finally been repaired, and I see the shape of a Capsulebago on the radar."
"I'll get you for this, Lone Prince!" Dark Horns snarled. He slammed his tail against the open car door, and the car door landed on his tail, smashing the tip of his tail and Daffy Duck's foot.
"Owwwwww!" Daffy shrieked. "You guys are dissss-picable!"
Porto Rico spoke up, grinning, "Anyone feel like duck tonight?" He licked his chops.
Kiwi sighed. That duck was about to be goosed.
Back on the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince watched his radar carefully. "Terrific, here comes the ship of fools!"
"We better spilt then," Hurl told his partner.
"Switch to hyper engines," Lone Prince ordered.
"Switching to hyper engines," Hurl said calmly, pressing a few buttons.
Lone Prince called through his microphone, "Buckle up back there, women; we're going to hyperactive!" And the Capsulebago speeded up quickly to hyperactive.
Back on Screwball 1000…
Captain Zarbon and the others were back in the control room, and Captain Zarbon said,
"Don't worry, sire, we're coming closer to them every minute. Soon, Lone Prince will be ours."
Dark Horns (in his best Darth Vader voice) said slowly with his mask down, "About time. Now prepare to attack."
Captain Zarbon shouted out, "Prepare to attack!"
Porto Rico added, "Preparing to attack now!"
Dark Horns ordered, "On the count of three. One, two…
But before he could say "three", the Capsulebago took off into hyperactive, dashing away from Screwball 1000 in a blurring twinkling of an eye. All that was left was a tiny dot fading further and further away-a huge moon-sized cloud of white, dirty smoke that managed to fog up the window.
Dark Horns growled, "Idiots! Don't they know that there are clean-air engines now? Anyway, where in the hell are they? Where did they go?"
Captain Zarbon stammered, "They must have hyperjets or something, sire, or hyper engines."
"And what does Screwball 1000 have to power her speed-double A batteries?"
"No, no, sire."
"Well, find them, capture them. Destroy Lone Prince!" Dark Horns commanded.
"Yes, sire!" Captain Zarbon said cheerfully. He reached for a mike on the control panel and shouted through the mike, "Prepare ship for light speed!"
"Not light speed, you fool! Light speed is much too slow for us and for this story! If we go with light speed, this fanfiction will be over with before we catch up with that sniveling monkey, Lone Prince!"
"Light speed is that slow, sire?" Captain Zarbon gasped. "Then what are we going to do now?"
Dark Horns said with an evil grin, "Easy, we're going to go right to breakneck speed!"
"BREAKNECK SPEED??!!" everyone exclaimed in horror.
"Sire, please tell me that all of those 'Simpsons' episodes you've been watching have made your brain turn to lunar dust!" Captain Zarbon cried in protest "I don't think that Screwball 1000 can take breakneck speed! Why, it would be risking suicide-"
"What's the matter, Captain Zarbon?" Dark Horns sneered. "Are you a real man, after all, or are you truly the pretty boy that everyone calls you? Maybe you should go back to modeling instead of running a ship. I'm sure that the gay pride people would be happy to see that happen."
Zarbon's face flushed. He then stammered as bravely as possible in a high, high pitched voice, "Prepare ship for breakneck speed! Fasten your safety belts, close all entrances and exits, shut down the mall stores, cancel school, the captive Barnum & Bailey Circus, the strip club, Sweet Cheeks…"
"Wait!" Porto Rico wailed. "Don't close the strip club! I have an appointment with a stripper down there named Honey Moon! Honey's coming up in an hour to entertain all of us!"
Captain Zarbon grinned wickedly, and then he halted quickly, "Oh, yeah, right! Forget about the closing the strip club! Anyway, shut down the restaurants, cancel all doctor's appointments, secure the elderly and the children…"
Dark Horns snatched the microphone from Captain Zarbon. "Gimme that mike, fancy pants!" Captain Zarbon hurriedly did so, and he and Porto Rico, Kiwi, and all of the Blind-Fools in the control room raced to buckle themselves into their seats. Kiwi had to run around and make sure that the Blind-Fools were buckled in, and then he finally buckled himself in."
Dark Horns called into the mike, "Now here this, fools, breakneck speed…"
"Sire!" Porto Rico cried out. "Shouldn't you buckle up?"
"Ah, buckle your mouth shut, Dodoria-I mean Porto Rico-especially when you're around food!" Dark Horns snapped back at him. He then called through the mike one last time, "Breakneck speed, go!"
Screwball 1000 took off, and her speed display lit up from "Light Speed" to "Hyperactive Speed" and then finally to "Breakneck Speed." Dark Horns screamed like a little girl, as he started to fly backwards, and he would have crashed into the "Mr. Or Mrs. Cappuccino" machine had it not been for him grabbing Captain Zarbon's long, emerald braid. He held onto the braid tightly, as if it were a rope.
"Oww!" Captain Zarbon wailed. "My beautiful hair! My extensions! Sire, you are pulling out my extensions!"
Captain Zarbon's hairpieces were the last concern of Dark Horns at this moment. "Help me! My brains are going down into my crotch!"
"Siiiiiiiire! Most of the time your braaaaaaaaaaaaaains are in your crotch!" Captain Zarbon dared to cry aloud.
"He has to have braaaaaaaaains in the first place for them to gooooooooooo into his feet!" Porto Rico dared to add.
On the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince was driving the Capsulebago as fast as he could on hyperactive. He and Hurl felt the power of Screwball 1000 fly directly over their spacecar. When both men looked up, they were shocked to see a shadow-a shadow made up of cashews, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, and various other nuts.
The eyes of Lone Prince and Hurl bulged widely, and Hurl gasped, as he leaned forward in the driver's seat. "What in the universe was that?"
Lone Prince said slowly, "That was Screwball 1000. And they've gone nuts!"
"Weren't they nuts to begin with?" Hurl asked. "After all they are Screwballs."
"True, very true, Hurl. But there's only one thing to do now," Lone Prince told Hurl, as they watched Screwball 1000 disappear further away into space.
"What's that, Prince?"
"We haven't had a snack yet, Hurl. Grab a bag, open your window, and catch some of those nuts! I'm starving!"
"Whatever you say, Prince!" Hurl replied, as he went to do his partner's bidding. Within ten minutes, they had five bags of assorted nuts.
Back on Screwball 1000…
Dark Horns cried aloud, "Stop this ship now! We've passed those fools!"
Captain Zarbon screamed, "Siiiierrrrrrrrrrrrrr! We can't stop right away! We must slooooooowwwwwwwww down firrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssst!"
Dark Horns was still clinging to Captain Zarbon's dark jade braid, further pulling out all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions.
"Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh righhhhhhhhhhhhhttt!" Dark Horns cried desperately. "Just stop this shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip now! I commannnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you to stop!"
Captain Zarbon, still in extreme pain because Dark Horns was holding to his loosening hair extensions for dear life, shakily leaned over to the emergency brake next to his seat.
There was a sign next to the seat, which read, "Emergency Stop. Don't use unless you are an idiot or have a death wish." Captain Zarbon, fully aware of the sign's warning, quickly yanked the lever for the emergency brake to stop the ship.
The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space.
The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering from the shock of the ship flying at breakneck speed. Captain Zarbon was now bald, except for his circlet and a few strands of emerald hair, and Porto Rico's body was almost like a giant, round, flat, pink, spiky pancake squashed against his seat. The Blind-Fools were clinging to the edges of their seats.
"Re-retrieve Dark Horns puh-please!" Captain Zarbon stammered through the mike next to his seat.
Within an hour, Dark Horns' body was finally brought back into Screwball 1000, and an emergency window had been lowered in front of the broken one. Within another hour, Dark Horns' neck was secured in a neck brace, and he was on his way to the healing tanks.
As his gurney passed Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico, Captain Zarbon said, "Sire, are you alright?"
Dark Horns moaned, "Great. How've you all been?" He was very disoriented, and he was not one-hundred percent sure that the ship had stopped.
"W-wonderful, s-sire," Captain Zarbon said shakily.
"G-good, Captain. Now, are we stopped?"
"Yes, sire," Captain Zarbon said as calmly as possible. "It is a good thing that you can breathe in space, sire. How does your neck feel?"
Dark Horns groaned, "When they mean breakneck speed, they mean breakneck speed. So, we really are stopped now, Zarbon?"
"Yes, sire. What should we do now, sire?"
"Umm…while I'm healing, why don't we take a break? A long break, at least until Sawnya can come out with the next chapter."
"Of course, sire. Very good. I was just thinking the same thing myself."
"Zarbon, do me one more favor."
"What's that, sire?"
"Bring me a drink before they put me in the tanks! A strong one that will knock me out!"
"Yes, sire."
"Make it a vodka." And with that, Dark Horns made the mistake of turning his head, and his entire body rolled off of the gurney before anyone could catch him.
A/N: I am so sorry that it's taken me a while to upload new chapters. I've just had so much to do lately. Anyway, I don't own Daffy Duck or
anything to do with the Voltron cartoon.
Both this chapter of DSB and Tayla are coming up, and the next chapter of "Chestra" should be ready by tonight or tomorrow night. Thank you for your patience. =)
"Oh no!" Bulma wailed, as she and Chichi Matrix felt their ship being pulled towards Screwball 1000. "I'm too young, beautiful, rich and smart to die!"
She and Chichi Matrix clung to each other, as Bulma's Mercedes was pulled closer and closer to Screwball 1000. Just as Bulma was about to go into hysteria again, she and Chichi heard a knock on Bulma's driver's side door.
"Hey, open up!" a loud, masculine voice boomed. "I'm not going to hurt you two!"
Bulma peeked out her window, and she noticed a large, muscular bald man smiling widely back at her. Bulma was relieved to see him smiling, but she would not have been happy to know that he was smiling because he was covertly looking down her dress, admiring her ample cleavage. Unaware of the real reason for his happy expression, Bulma began to crack her window.
"Nice view," the bald man said before he thought.
"Excuse me?" Bulma asked, looking at him strangely.
"Umm…I was admiring your cleavage-I mean your car!" the bald man stammered quickly, his chiseled face reddening.
"So what is this?" Chichi Matrix demanded to know. "Show and tell? Are you aware, Baldy, that we are about to be captured by Screwballs? And you're acting like you could be one of them. Who are you?"
The bald man grumbled under his breath. He didn't appreciate being called "Baldy", but he had no time to worry about that. "Hurl."
"Not in this car, mister," Chichi Matrix told him abruptly. "This is an sixty-thousand spacezeni car, and we don't have regurgitation insurance put on this vehicle yet."
"No, woman, that's my name-Nappa, I mean, Hurl! Anyway, Princess Bulma's rich daddy hired my partner, Lone Prince, and I to rescue you two ladies. Now quit wasting time 'cause we've gotta get out of here, and Lone Prince is not a patient man."
Bulma and Chichi Matrix bit back a few insults that under normal circumstances would have been "hurled" at Hurl, but they wisely decided against it.
"C'mon, Bulma," Chichi Matrix told her gently. She started to say something else when she noticed Hurl's monkeylike tail. "What the hell is that thing?" she demanded to know.
"I'm a Saiyan, woman, and don't you dare to call me a monkey either. I have to warn people of that in advance. Now enough questions; let's go!"
"Wait!" Bulma exclaimed. "I'm not leaving without my collection of Vera Winger-Wang dresses!"
Chichi Matrix sighed, "Bulma, why didn't you put those in one of your capsules?"
"Because I didn't want them to get crushed! I have fifty-thousand spacezeni worth of dresses, and I'm taking them with me!"
Hurl grumbled. He thought the dresses were a waste of time, but he figured the woman needed something to wear. Besides one or two of them could be low-cut, and he might to get to see more of Bulma's sweet flesh. With this thought in mind, he reluctantly agreed to take the dresses (about five of them) out of Bulma's back seat when Bulma unlocked the door.
"I got the frocks," he told them. "Now let's go before Lone Prince and I change our minds!"
Chichi Matrix sighed again. Hurl was handsome, a fine male, but an arrogant jerk as well. She wondered if this Lone Prince would be the same way. "We're coming, we're coming. C'mon, Bulma, let's go. Follow the monk-I mean the Saiyan."
After grabbing what things that she could, Bulma pressed a button on her control panel to open the driver's side door, and she and Chichi Matrix followed Hurl up the ladder that he had pulled down earlier in front of Bulma's car. Bulma held her black Prada bag against her generous chest, thankful for all of the capsules that were inside; they would come in handy later.
Hurl was climbing behind Bulma and Chichi Matrix, and his face was stuck under Chichi Matrix's metal dress. Chichi Matrix looked down at him and snapped, "Stop looking up my canister!"
"Sorry!" Hurl exclaimed, not really meaning it. She got some nice parts, he thought to himself wickedly. He chuckled softly. He wondered briefly, if it would be possible to have sex with a droid. Well, he would definitely find out soon enough.
Ten minutes later…
Lone Prince was idling with his tail, wondering what he and Hurl were going to do to escape once they had Princess Bulma on board. He also briefly wondered what Princess Bulma looked like, if she was beautiful or not. He grinned slyly; if she was beautiful, well…every Prince needed a Princess, even a lone one. Now if she didn't have a height requirement, they might get along just fine…
He'd have to wait and see.
The passenger-side door opened up, and Hurl came stumbling into the Capsulebago, carrying five, fancy expensive dresses. Lone Prince frowned at this sight.
"What the hell are those?" Lone Prince demanded to know.
"Her Highness's Vera Winger-Wang frocks," Hurl panted, for the gorgeous dresses were heavy. He threw them down on the front seat of the vehicle.
"What the hell does the woman think this is--?" Lone Prince asked, annoyed. He reached for the microphone and called through the intercom, "Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"
In the backroom of the Capsulebago…
The messy ship disgusted Bulma. Dozens of food containers from hundreds of restaurants littered the backroom, which also served as a recreation room. There was a mountain of red and green soda cans piled up in one corner, and both women could smell the stench of mold and dirty laundry. Wrinkling her nose, Bulma had heard Lone Prince's last announcement:
"Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"
Bulma seethed with fury. All of those dresses were wedding gifts. She called out in a clear, angry voice, "Now hear this, you fool: you are not touching those dresses. Furthermore, I want this pigpen cleaned up because I refuse to be rescued in such a dump! Hear that?" Chichi Matrix just stared at her with her mouth agape.
Lone Prince yelled back through the intercom, "Now see here, woman! On this ship, I give orders, not take them! And the order for you is to shut up, and do what you are told, and be thankful that I would even bother rescuing such a disrespectful wench such as yourself!"
Bulma growled, "Woman? Wench?"
"Uh oh," Chichi Matrix mumbled.
With full fury, Bulma shouted back, "How dare you talk to me that way? I am Princess Bulma of planet Droolia, and I am to be addressed properly as Your Royal Highness! Now send someone back here to clean up this sea of filth, for I'm drowning in it!"
"If you want it clean, woman, then you clean it! I am Lone Prince, and Lone Prince cleans up for no one! The only thing that I would bother cleaning up is your attitude!"
"Screw you!"
"You promise?" Lone Prince joked hopefully. "That would be nice; I haven't had any in a while."
"Ugh!" Bulma hissed aside to Chichi. She called back to her annoying rescuer, "Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"
Up front with Lone Prince and Hurl…
"Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"
"Perverted bastard, am I? Hurl, remind me to give that loudmouthed woman a piece of my mind!" Lone Prince ordered furiously. "How dare she treat me this way? Does she not know that I am a Prince?"
"Um…Lone Prince, that hasn't been proven yet," Hurl dared to say. Lone Prince thought about cuffing him, but decided against it. He had to let Hurl keep what few brains he did have.
On Screwball 1000…
"Finally, it's about time!" Dark Horns hissed, as one of his subordinates announced that Princess Bulma's Mercedes had been pulled into the ship called Screwball 1000. Twenty minutes later, he, Captain Zarbon, and Porto Rico hurried down to the landing port where Princess Bulma's car had been "parked".
When the three villains arrived, Dark Horns pulled down his mask and once again imitated Montgomery Burns for the umpteenth time that day, rubbing his fingertips together and purring, "Excellent."
Captain Zarbon whispered to Porto Rico, "We've got to find some new villain for him to emulate."
"Or better yet none at all. Did Kiwi destroy those 'Star Wars' and 'Simpsons' videos?" Porto Rico asked.
"They've been disintegrated, yes, and I've already arranged to have Dark Horns' video order sheets monitored, so that he doesn't order new copies."
Dark Horns approached the white Mercedes, but he couldn't see inside because the windows were tinted a navy blue. He stood up haughtily and proudly, declaring loudly, "Well, Princess Bulma, you thought that you could escape us, eh? Ha, we sure showed you didn't we? Yes, we did, little girl, yes we did! No one can escape Frieza-I mean Dark Horns-oh, curses, why couldn't Sawnya have let me use my own name? Anyway, you're now our prisoner until your father surrenders to us the Dragonspaceballs in exchange for your release. And while my people go to retrieve the precious balls, you will be entertaining me and my balls in bed! Hahahahahaha!"
"Um…sire," Captain Zarbon began hesitantly.
"Quiet, Zarbon! Let me finish!" Dark Horns continued to speak towards the vehicle, "It's been a while since I've been with a princess, and I need someone to keep me occupied while we're retrieving your Dragonspaceballs. I am a fine lover, I can assure you, and if you consent-"
"Sire," Captain Zarbon dared to say. "Didn't your father say that you couldn't sleep with her? Remember that last lawsuit when you slept with a princess that you took as a hostage? Princess Allura, I believe the name was. Porto, she played on some show before, some eighties show. What was it?"
"Voltron, you nincompoop!" Dark Horns yelled at him. "And I swear to this day that Prince Lotor was the father of her baby, not me! My father still throws that in my face every time he has to write a check to Princess Allura's home planet! Anyway, since Father said no, I suppose I can't touch this one we just caught." He said towards the car, "Alright, Princess, I'm not going to try anything on you, but you will come out of the vehicle now! Open the door, and come out!"
The car door slowly lifted into the air, but it was not Princess Bulma who stepped out; it was a short, black duck with a white band around his neck and a big bill on his face. He stomped out of the vehicle and scowled.
Captain Zarbon frantically searched through his fanfiction script and gasped, "Daffy Duck? I don't recall him being in this fanfiction!"
"I snnnnnnuck in," Daffy Duck blurted. "I tried out for cameo part that Foghorn Leghorn was in, but I was turned down! What does a big, blussssstery rooster have over a famous duck like me? What makes him so special to be in this story; why he doesn't even have his big beak on half of the Looney Tunes merchandise that I do! What gives?"
Dark Horns snarled, "Who cares? Where is Princess Bulma, you scrawny excuse for poultry?"
"S-some big, bald man with a monkey tail t-t-took them from thissss ship," Daffy blurted out. "I was sleeping in the backseat on a bunch of expensive dresses, and I went to hide in the trunk when the monkey man took the dresses-and my bedding-away. Said his name was Hurl, and that he was taking the dames to some guy named Lone Prince."
Dark Horns growled, "Lone Prince! I knew that other bird came from him!"
Kiwi came running into the landing port. "Sire, our radar has finally been repaired, and I see the shape of a Capsulebago on the radar."
"I'll get you for this, Lone Prince!" Dark Horns snarled. He slammed his tail against the open car door, and the car door landed on his tail, smashing the tip of his tail and Daffy Duck's foot.
"Owwwwww!" Daffy shrieked. "You guys are dissss-picable!"
Porto Rico spoke up, grinning, "Anyone feel like duck tonight?" He licked his chops.
Kiwi sighed. That duck was about to be goosed.
Back on the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince watched his radar carefully. "Terrific, here comes the ship of fools!"
"We better spilt then," Hurl told his partner.
"Switch to hyper engines," Lone Prince ordered.
"Switching to hyper engines," Hurl said calmly, pressing a few buttons.
Lone Prince called through his microphone, "Buckle up back there, women; we're going to hyperactive!" And the Capsulebago speeded up quickly to hyperactive.
Back on Screwball 1000…
Captain Zarbon and the others were back in the control room, and Captain Zarbon said,
"Don't worry, sire, we're coming closer to them every minute. Soon, Lone Prince will be ours."
Dark Horns (in his best Darth Vader voice) said slowly with his mask down, "About time. Now prepare to attack."
Captain Zarbon shouted out, "Prepare to attack!"
Porto Rico added, "Preparing to attack now!"
Dark Horns ordered, "On the count of three. One, two…
But before he could say "three", the Capsulebago took off into hyperactive, dashing away from Screwball 1000 in a blurring twinkling of an eye. All that was left was a tiny dot fading further and further away-a huge moon-sized cloud of white, dirty smoke that managed to fog up the window.
Dark Horns growled, "Idiots! Don't they know that there are clean-air engines now? Anyway, where in the hell are they? Where did they go?"
Captain Zarbon stammered, "They must have hyperjets or something, sire, or hyper engines."
"And what does Screwball 1000 have to power her speed-double A batteries?"
"No, no, sire."
"Well, find them, capture them. Destroy Lone Prince!" Dark Horns commanded.
"Yes, sire!" Captain Zarbon said cheerfully. He reached for a mike on the control panel and shouted through the mike, "Prepare ship for light speed!"
"Not light speed, you fool! Light speed is much too slow for us and for this story! If we go with light speed, this fanfiction will be over with before we catch up with that sniveling monkey, Lone Prince!"
"Light speed is that slow, sire?" Captain Zarbon gasped. "Then what are we going to do now?"
Dark Horns said with an evil grin, "Easy, we're going to go right to breakneck speed!"
"BREAKNECK SPEED??!!" everyone exclaimed in horror.
"Sire, please tell me that all of those 'Simpsons' episodes you've been watching have made your brain turn to lunar dust!" Captain Zarbon cried in protest "I don't think that Screwball 1000 can take breakneck speed! Why, it would be risking suicide-"
"What's the matter, Captain Zarbon?" Dark Horns sneered. "Are you a real man, after all, or are you truly the pretty boy that everyone calls you? Maybe you should go back to modeling instead of running a ship. I'm sure that the gay pride people would be happy to see that happen."
Zarbon's face flushed. He then stammered as bravely as possible in a high, high pitched voice, "Prepare ship for breakneck speed! Fasten your safety belts, close all entrances and exits, shut down the mall stores, cancel school, the captive Barnum & Bailey Circus, the strip club, Sweet Cheeks…"
"Wait!" Porto Rico wailed. "Don't close the strip club! I have an appointment with a stripper down there named Honey Moon! Honey's coming up in an hour to entertain all of us!"
Captain Zarbon grinned wickedly, and then he halted quickly, "Oh, yeah, right! Forget about the closing the strip club! Anyway, shut down the restaurants, cancel all doctor's appointments, secure the elderly and the children…"
Dark Horns snatched the microphone from Captain Zarbon. "Gimme that mike, fancy pants!" Captain Zarbon hurriedly did so, and he and Porto Rico, Kiwi, and all of the Blind-Fools in the control room raced to buckle themselves into their seats. Kiwi had to run around and make sure that the Blind-Fools were buckled in, and then he finally buckled himself in."
Dark Horns called into the mike, "Now here this, fools, breakneck speed…"
"Sire!" Porto Rico cried out. "Shouldn't you buckle up?"
"Ah, buckle your mouth shut, Dodoria-I mean Porto Rico-especially when you're around food!" Dark Horns snapped back at him. He then called through the mike one last time, "Breakneck speed, go!"
Screwball 1000 took off, and her speed display lit up from "Light Speed" to "Hyperactive Speed" and then finally to "Breakneck Speed." Dark Horns screamed like a little girl, as he started to fly backwards, and he would have crashed into the "Mr. Or Mrs. Cappuccino" machine had it not been for him grabbing Captain Zarbon's long, emerald braid. He held onto the braid tightly, as if it were a rope.
"Oww!" Captain Zarbon wailed. "My beautiful hair! My extensions! Sire, you are pulling out my extensions!"
Captain Zarbon's hairpieces were the last concern of Dark Horns at this moment. "Help me! My brains are going down into my crotch!"
"Siiiiiiiire! Most of the time your braaaaaaaaaaaaaains are in your crotch!" Captain Zarbon dared to cry aloud.
"He has to have braaaaaaaaains in the first place for them to gooooooooooo into his feet!" Porto Rico dared to add.
On the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince was driving the Capsulebago as fast as he could on hyperactive. He and Hurl felt the power of Screwball 1000 fly directly over their spacecar. When both men looked up, they were shocked to see a shadow-a shadow made up of cashews, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, and various other nuts.
The eyes of Lone Prince and Hurl bulged widely, and Hurl gasped, as he leaned forward in the driver's seat. "What in the universe was that?"
Lone Prince said slowly, "That was Screwball 1000. And they've gone nuts!"
"Weren't they nuts to begin with?" Hurl asked. "After all they are Screwballs."
"True, very true, Hurl. But there's only one thing to do now," Lone Prince told Hurl, as they watched Screwball 1000 disappear further away into space.
"What's that, Prince?"
"We haven't had a snack yet, Hurl. Grab a bag, open your window, and catch some of those nuts! I'm starving!"
"Whatever you say, Prince!" Hurl replied, as he went to do his partner's bidding. Within ten minutes, they had five bags of assorted nuts.
Back on Screwball 1000…
Dark Horns cried aloud, "Stop this ship now! We've passed those fools!"
Captain Zarbon screamed, "Siiiierrrrrrrrrrrrrr! We can't stop right away! We must slooooooowwwwwwwww down firrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssst!"
Dark Horns was still clinging to Captain Zarbon's dark jade braid, further pulling out all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions.
"Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh righhhhhhhhhhhhhttt!" Dark Horns cried desperately. "Just stop this shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip now! I commannnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you to stop!"
Captain Zarbon, still in extreme pain because Dark Horns was holding to his loosening hair extensions for dear life, shakily leaned over to the emergency brake next to his seat.
There was a sign next to the seat, which read, "Emergency Stop. Don't use unless you are an idiot or have a death wish." Captain Zarbon, fully aware of the sign's warning, quickly yanked the lever for the emergency brake to stop the ship.
The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space.
The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering from the shock of the ship flying at breakneck speed. Captain Zarbon was now bald, except for his circlet and a few strands of emerald hair, and Porto Rico's body was almost like a giant, round, flat, pink, spiky pancake squashed against his seat. The Blind-Fools were clinging to the edges of their seats.
"Re-retrieve Dark Horns puh-please!" Captain Zarbon stammered through the mike next to his seat.
Within an hour, Dark Horns' body was finally brought back into Screwball 1000, and an emergency window had been lowered in front of the broken one. Within another hour, Dark Horns' neck was secured in a neck brace, and he was on his way to the healing tanks.
As his gurney passed Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico, Captain Zarbon said, "Sire, are you alright?"
Dark Horns moaned, "Great. How've you all been?" He was very disoriented, and he was not one-hundred percent sure that the ship had stopped.
"W-wonderful, s-sire," Captain Zarbon said shakily.
"G-good, Captain. Now, are we stopped?"
"Yes, sire," Captain Zarbon said as calmly as possible. "It is a good thing that you can breathe in space, sire. How does your neck feel?"
Dark Horns groaned, "When they mean breakneck speed, they mean breakneck speed. So, we really are stopped now, Zarbon?"
"Yes, sire. What should we do now, sire?"
"Umm…while I'm healing, why don't we take a break? A long break, at least until Sawnya can come out with the next chapter."
"Of course, sire. Very good. I was just thinking the same thing myself."
"Zarbon, do me one more favor."
"What's that, sire?"
"Bring me a drink before they put me in the tanks! A strong one that will knock me out!"
"Yes, sire."
"Make it a vodka." And with that, Dark Horns made the mistake of turning his head, and his entire body rolled off of the gurney before anyone could catch him.
A/N: I am so sorry that it's taken me a while to upload new chapters. I've just had so much to do lately. Anyway, I don't own Daffy Duck or
anything to do with the Voltron cartoon.
Both this chapter of DSB and Tayla are coming up, and the next chapter of "Chestra" should be ready by tonight or tomorrow night. Thank you for your patience. =)