Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…
Lone Prince was unusually happy, and he ordered Hurl to take the Capsulebago out of hyperactive.
"Taking her out of hyperactive," Hurl said joyously, as he reached over from the passenger side seat and took the ship out of hyperactive. He boasted, "We're something, aren't we, Prince? Hell, they must have passed us by at least a year! I bet it'll take them that long to come find us!"
"Don't get too confident yet, Hurl," Lone Prince told him. "Never underestimate Screwballs, especially the biggest Screwball of all-our dear Dark Horns, whose horns are probably red by now! Anyway, set a course now for Droolia."
Hurl did just that, but both Saiyans noticed the Capsulebago shaking violently, as if it were in an epileptic fit. "Prince! We're losing power fast!"
"Why?" Lone Prince demanded to know worriedly.
"We're out of gas!"
"Curse you, Nappa-I mean, Hurl! I told you to put more than two spacezeni's worth in!"
"Well, Prince, there was no way that I was paying three spacezeni and fifty spacecents per gallon of gas!" Hurl said defensively. "We must have burned it up in hyperactive! I'm amazed it lasted that long!"
"We must prepare for emergency landing," Lone Prince said decisively. "Hurl, put it on emergency landing."
"Putting it on emergency landing…"
"And say your prayers."
"Now I lay me down to sleep…I pray the Lord my soul to keep…if I should die, before I wake…"
"Hurl, shut up! Stop that and help me get this craft landed!"
"Yes, Prince!"
Lone Prince shouted through the microphone. "Keep your seat belts on! Are you women okay back there?"
Bulma's voice echoed through the intercom, "Hell, no, you primitive moron! Who taught you how to fly-Launchpad McQuack from Ducktales?"
Lone Prince flushed some then, even though he was furious. When he had first taken flying lessons, lessons from Launchpad had all he had been able to afford at the time until he could get enough money to pay a better teacher. He didn't need that loudmouthed princess reminding him of those hard times when Launchpad had nearly killed him every other lesson.
"Blasted woman!" he roared. "How dare she bring that time up?"
An extremely excruciating three hours later…
The Capsulebago slowly crashed into the desert sands of the moon of Sega, and with a nervous Hurl's help, Lone Prince had justly barely and safely landed them into a sand dune.
Meanwhile in the backroom, a disheveled Bulma (who could not find any seatbelts in the backroom and had been forced to cling to some guardrails to save herself), had just managed to haul herself out of a pile of aluminum beer cans. Chichi Matrix's droid body was banged and dinged, but other than that, she was still stable. Bulma tried to pull herself together as much as she could, smoothing her wedding gown and running her slim fingers through her aqua hair. She was infuriated, and she knew a certain "space monkey" whom she planned to tell off immediately.
"I'm going to let him have it once and for all!" she roared, as she began to head out of the backroom, sweeping her skirts behind her.
"WAIT! Don't do anything rash!" Chichi Matrix pleaded. "They're missing a few bolts, I know, but we'll need them to help get us home!"
Up front…
"Primitive idiot, am I? Perverted bastard, am I? I'm going back there just to let her know who's superior here, which isn't her!" Lone Prince hissed in his fury.
"Wait, Prince!" Hurl protested. "I've seen her, and she's a babe! Man, that hair, and her chest, why those boobs hardly look real, but I'm sure that they are! She has a nice body, breasts, and legs that just don't quit. At least get a good look at her before you disintegrate her!"
"Babe or not, she is not going to talk to me that way!" Lone Prince growled.
In the backroom…
"Please think before you yell at him," Chichi Matrix pleaded. "Who knows? He might be sexy. He has such a fine voice!"
"Sexy?" Bulma exclaimed angrily. "Alright, so his voice may be of a Kami's, but that doesn't excuse his manners! Hmmph! Besides he acts just like a space-monkey, smelly, porn-ogling, shot-drinking pig who probably wouldn't know common decency if it hit him in his face!"
Up front…
"Hurl, don't over exaggerate," Lone Prince scoffed. "You've seen one alien princess, you've seen them all! She may have a fine body, but even if that's true, she sounds like a loudmouthed, obnoxious, bossy female whom her groom was probably happy to get rid of! He's probably celebrating 'cause she ran away! If she talked to him, like she talked to me, I would be celebrating too!"
And with that, Lone Prince and Hurl walked to the backroom, with Lone Prince marching furiously with his head down, like a cat ready to pounce on an annoying mouse.
He mumbled under his breath, "Loudmouthed, sharp-tongued, foul-tempered woman…doesn't she know that I am a Prince, and no one, not even her speaks to me that way!"
Backroom…
"Egotistical prick, arrogant as hell, foul-mouthed, probably couldn't get a woman in bed if he offered her all of the stars, plus Disneyworld and MGM studios! How dare he proposition me?" Bulma fumed, just as the "egotistical prick" and his friend entered the backroom unannounced.
Bulma's jaw dropped when she saw what the shorter of the two men looked like. Before her stood a short, but very handsome and well-developed muscular male with black hair that was spiky and pointed like an ebony fire. He stood majestically in a leather bomber jacket, a strange gold pin on his lapel, and jeans that clung to his finely enhanced muscles. She could see the outlines of a six-pack chest through his white T-shirt. And his face, angular, but nicely chiseled features! And his hands! Bulma couldn't help but imagine what those large, well-developed hands could do to a woman's body.
He's much handsomer than Eatum, that's for sure! I sure was right to run away, especially since this hunk came along!
Lone Prince's jaw had also plummeted, and he could not take his obsidian eyes of Bulma's perfect curves. The wedding dress she wore clung to her slender, lithe body nicely, with a nice hint of cleavage in her neckline. Lone Prince tried to keep himself from staring at her abundant bosom for too long, but he couldn't. He then looked at her face, soft turquoise eyes that were framed with unusually long lashes, and her hair was long and aqua, a silvery light blue waterfall that cascaded down her face and shoulders. He gave her a long once-over, openly admiring her hourglass figure.
*What a woman! All those curves, that body, and that wit of hers! Hmm…I wonder what she'd be like naked and beneath me!*
Lone Prince then grinned at the thought of Bulma in a lacy white garter and teddy instead of that wedding dress. Better yet, no clothes at all.
They stood like that, as if frozen in time, openly ogling each other, lust at first sight. Then after a few minutes that seemed like hours, they finally came to their senses. Lone Prince was the first to recover, but the words that he had wanted to tell her off with did not come out the way that he had wanted them to earlier:
"Now see here, woman, on this ship, you will refer to me as 'Perverted Bastard', not Prince! Got that woman?"
Bulma grinned evilly, as she said slyly, "Got it, Perverted Bastard."
Hurl and Chichi Matrix both openly snickered at Bulma's obeying Lone Prince's demand. Embarrassed at making a fool of himself because he had been concentrating more on her ample breasts than his thoughts, Lone Prince sputtered, "Reverse that first sentence, woman! You know what I mean!"
Bulma was finally able to gather her thoughts together, although it had taken her some time to do so. She collected all of her fury and snapped back, "And you will not address me as woman! You will never address me as woman! You will refer to me as Your Royal Highness!"
"Oh, you're royal, all right, woman," Lone Prince said with a smirk. "In fact, you're a royal pain in the as-"
Before he could finish, Hurl did one thing that he would have normally never done under any circumstances: he interrupted his partner. "Time out, Prince! We have a problem!"
"No, really, Hurl, I didn't know that!" Lone Prince sneered. "She's standing right in front of us!"
"Now see you, you little monkey prick-" Bulma began.
"Don't you dare refer to me as monkey, woman!"
"And don't you dare call me woman!"
"Okay, man, whatever you say!"
"Why you little-"
"That's enough!" Hurl dared to order, as he endured the deadly glares of both Lone Prince and Bulma. "Any minute now, Screwball 1000 is going to make a huge three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn and come right back after us. If we don't flee soon, Dark Horns will send us all into a black hole permanently!"
"He's right," Lone Prince said authoritatively, for once agreeing with his partner. "Let's go!"
"Wait!" Bulma cried out. "We need to get my things!"
"Bulma, you have your Prada bag with all of your capsules in it," Chichi Matrix pointed out.
"I'm not leaving without my Vera Winger-Wang dresses!" Bulma insisted.
"Now see, you royal…" Lone Prince began, but Hurl nudged him and grunted, "…highness. I command you to take only what you need to survive."
"We could sell her dresses for supplies," Hurl pointed out.
"Sell my dresses?" Bulma hissed furiously. "Now see here-"
Chichi Matrix nudged Bulma and whispered, "Just go along with them for now. We'll find a way to keep your dresses later." Bulma reluctantly agreed.
Hurl glared darkly at Bulma, along with Lone Prince, as they all prepared to leave the Capsulebago.
On the sands of Sega…
Lone Prince was grumbling loudly, as he carried three of Bulma's Vera Winger-Wang dresses on his back. Hurl was openly ogling Chichi Matrix while he was lugging the last couple of Bulma's expensive dresses on his broad, muscular back. He had heard that it was possible for some droids to have sex, and he had been speculating on whether Chichi Matrix could be one of them. He admired her curves, and her long, synthetic black hair, which, if he had been able to touch it, was as soft as real hair. Chichi Matrix was built like a human woman, although she was gold-covered, an actual android. Hurl was drooling because of her, and because the hot desert sun was draining what moisture that he had in him away.
Lone Prince's thoughts were drifting between thoughts of bedding Bulma to thoughts of strangling her, as the weight of the lacy, silky, or otherwise ornate dresses bore heavily down on his back. Finally, his thoughts of her swung more towards strangling her, as he decided that he had enough of the weighty gowns that he had been coerced to carry.
"That's it!" Lone Prince hissed. "These dresses are staying where I dropped them!" And with that, Lone Prince dropped all three of the dresses off of his back. "Hurl, ditch the dresses! Carrying them through this heat is ridiculous!"
Hurl happily followed suit, and Bulma turned around and snapped at them, "You two pick those back up!"
Lone Prince retorted, "You want these dresses with you, YOU carry them! Hurl and I are not your pack mules!"
"I am a princess! Princesses do not do heavy work!"
Lone Prince narrowed his eyes at Bulma. "Okay, princess, the clock has struck midnight. Cinderella is no longer at the ball, and the coachmen and footmen are gone! If you want these bundles of lace, froth and ornaments so badly, then you will find a way to carry them! Hurl and I are your rescuers, not your butlers! As of now, you are no better than us, especially me! Until I return you to your father, I am in charge!"
"How dare you speak that way to me?" Bulma demanded. "How dare you…you…you…you…" Her voice echoed throughout the desert for miles. She continued to shout more angry words to the wind.
Lone Prince smirked, watching her carefully, as she screamed. "Look at her…that cape of turquoise, those glittering aqua eyes…that trace of blush upon her fair cheeks…the nice way that her chest heaves up and down when she's angry…"
Hurl grinned. "Yeah, I've noticed that last part myself earlier."
Bulma stopped her ranting and looked at Lone Prince, as if seeing him in a different light. "You really meant those things?" she asked.
"Of course," Lone Prince said wickedly. "It all comes down to one thing."
"What's that?"
"You look hideous when you're angry!" Lone Prince said, grinning. Hurl laughed.
Bulma would have slapped his face, but Chichi Matrix thankfully pulled her back before she did anything rash.
"That's enough," Hurl said, still laughing. "We need to find a place to sleep before long. It's getting dark."
Chichi Matrix took Bulma's hand. "C'mon, Bulma. We'll just take the two dresses that you like the most." Bulma reluctantly agreed.
So Chichi Matrix picked up a red dress, and Bulma picked up a lavender one, and both women walked ahead slowly through the dusty sands. Hurl, happy not to have to carry any more dresses, was singing, "Free at last, free at last! Thank you, God, we are free at last-"
"Not yet, Hurl," Lone Prince snapped. "We still have to return the woman to her father."
Hurl sighed. Ah, well. After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert on the Moon of Sega.
Screwball 1000…
Dark Horns had his mask down, and he was sipping French Vanilla cappuccino through the air piece in his Dark Vader-like helmet. He asked Porto Rico, "Have you found them yet?"
"No, sire. They're not showing on the scanners."
"Well, keep looking."
Captain Zarbon dashed in at the moment, with Honey Moon, a big, busty blonde with green eyes and long, long yellow hair down her back, on his arm. "Sire, I have the solution to our dilemma."
"And what would that be, Captain?" Dark Horns wanted to know.
Captain Zarbon turned to Porto Rico. "Porto, get on the intergalacticnet."
"Yes, Captain."
Within minutes, all four of them were at the main computer terminal. Honey Moon was nibbling on Zarbon's ear, and Dark Horns managed a quick "one-on-one" section while Porto Rico was setting up the computer. Finally, they reached the intergalacticnet.
"Now, Porto, go to fanfiction.net."
"Yes, Captain."
Dark Horns asked, bored, "What is the point of this, Captain Zarbon?"
Captain Zarbon explained, "Well, sire, I have some good news. There has been a breakthrough in fanfiction writing."
"And?"
"You'll see, sire. Porto, type in 'Dragonspaceballs' in the title bar."
"Yes, Captain."
On the computer screen, a page came up with one entry marked "Dragonspaceballs by Sawnya". And Dark Horns noticed that at the beginning of the summary sentence, it said, "COMPLETE".
"Complete? This story is completed already? How can that be? Sawnya's still in the middle of writing it!"
Captain Zarbon said easily, "True, sire, but like I said before, there's been an astounding breakthrough in fanfiction writing."
"And what would that be?"
"Instant fanfictions. Completed fanfiction stories that are out on the Internet before the story has been finished!"
"Captain, did you lose what few brain cells that you possess along with your hair extensions?"
"No way, sire. It's absolutely true. Porto Rico, start on the first chapter."
"Yes, Captain."
They arrived on the first page of "Dragonspaceballs".
"Porto, read it out loud."
"Yes, Captain." And Porto Rico began to read the story out loud, "Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ or any of its characters, nor do I own "Spaceballs" (the movie that this story is based on), or any of its characters. "Spaceballs" belongs to Mel Brooks, and whoever worked with him to make it. Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Funimation, and whoever else is involved does…"
"Too early!" Dark Horns cried. "Way too early."
"Porto, prepare to skip to the next chapter-"
"No, no, Captain!" Dark Horns protested. "Still much too early. Skip ahead a chapter or two."
"Porto, prepare to skip ahead," Captain Zarbon ordered.
"Preparing to skip ahead…skipping ahead now…"
Before they knew it, Porto Rico was reading "Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed" until he came to the part of Captain Zarbon stopping the ship. "The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space. 'AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!' Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space. The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering…"
"No!" Dark Horns exclaimed in horror. "Skip past that part. In fact, never, ever read that part again!" He called out to everyone on the ship, "Does everyone hear me? Everyone is forbidden to read Chapter Four ever again, is that clear?" He waved his ringed finger as an additional warning.
All of the males on the ship instinctively covered their crotches. "Yes, sire!" The women nodded quickly.
Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained "Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…" and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said, "Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained 'Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…' and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said…"
Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read out loud, "Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read…"
Dark Horns then held up his middle finger and flicked it at the computer. The chapter page spoke of Dark Horns's flicking the computer off, as if it had already happened. Dark Horns did everything, including sticking his tongue at the computer screen to flashing himself at it (which delighted Porto Rico, but caused poor Captain Zarbon and Honey Moon to faint from shock).
Dark Horns then cried out, "Screw this story!"
He then read in the next sentence, "Screw this story!"
Captain Zarbon managed to recover from shock, as he helped himself and Honey Moon up off of the floor. Dark Horns seized Captain Zarbon by his collar and exclaimed, "What the hell am I reading, Captain? So far anything that I have done has been recorded to the very last detail on the computer! When did this part happen in this story?"
"Now, sire. You are reading about now, sire. Everything that is happening now is being written now."
"What happened to then?" Dark Horns demanded to know. He was not so sure that he liked some fanfiction story, even one that he was starring in, predicting his every word and move correctly.
"We passed then, sire."
"When? When did we pass then? I didn't even get to read about then!"
"Just now. We're reading about now, now."
"Go back to the passage about then."
"When, sire?"
"Right now!"
"Right now?"
"RIGHT NOW!" Dark Horns roared.
"We-we can't, sire!"
"Why not?"
"We missed that part."
"When?"
"Just now."
"When will the passage about then be now?"
Captain Zarbon sighed, "Porto Rico, skim down the chapter further."
"Yes, Captain."
And within seconds, Porto Rico was reading a new passage, "After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert…"
Porto Rico cried out with delight, "We found them, sire!"
"Where?" Dark Horns demanded to know.
"It says near the end of this chapter that, 'Porto Rico told Dark Horns that Bulma was on the Moon of Sega.'"
"Good job, Porto!" Captain Zarbon cheered. "Tell Kiwi to set a course and prepare for our arrival."
"When will we arrive?" Dark Horns asked impatiently.
"In approximately seventeen hundred hours, sire," Captain Zarbon assured him. "Rest assured, sire, that by midnight tomorrow they will be our prisoners. Oh, and sire, one more thing?"
"What's that?"
"I just read the next-to-the-last sentence of this story. Would you please wait on your next 'one-on-one' session at least until the next chapter?"
Dark Horns's face reddened, as he mumbled, embarrassed, "Sure, why not?"
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A/N: Hehehe! Hmmm...I'm debating on whether to keep this story clean, or put in a lemon or citrus scene involving Lone Prince and Bulma. It would make things interesting, but then the original movie didn't have any lemony scenes. Also, I may have a little Nappa/Chichi pairing, something that you don't see every day. Well, anyway, let me know what you think...R&R!
Lone Prince was unusually happy, and he ordered Hurl to take the Capsulebago out of hyperactive.
"Taking her out of hyperactive," Hurl said joyously, as he reached over from the passenger side seat and took the ship out of hyperactive. He boasted, "We're something, aren't we, Prince? Hell, they must have passed us by at least a year! I bet it'll take them that long to come find us!"
"Don't get too confident yet, Hurl," Lone Prince told him. "Never underestimate Screwballs, especially the biggest Screwball of all-our dear Dark Horns, whose horns are probably red by now! Anyway, set a course now for Droolia."
Hurl did just that, but both Saiyans noticed the Capsulebago shaking violently, as if it were in an epileptic fit. "Prince! We're losing power fast!"
"Why?" Lone Prince demanded to know worriedly.
"We're out of gas!"
"Curse you, Nappa-I mean, Hurl! I told you to put more than two spacezeni's worth in!"
"Well, Prince, there was no way that I was paying three spacezeni and fifty spacecents per gallon of gas!" Hurl said defensively. "We must have burned it up in hyperactive! I'm amazed it lasted that long!"
"We must prepare for emergency landing," Lone Prince said decisively. "Hurl, put it on emergency landing."
"Putting it on emergency landing…"
"And say your prayers."
"Now I lay me down to sleep…I pray the Lord my soul to keep…if I should die, before I wake…"
"Hurl, shut up! Stop that and help me get this craft landed!"
"Yes, Prince!"
Lone Prince shouted through the microphone. "Keep your seat belts on! Are you women okay back there?"
Bulma's voice echoed through the intercom, "Hell, no, you primitive moron! Who taught you how to fly-Launchpad McQuack from Ducktales?"
Lone Prince flushed some then, even though he was furious. When he had first taken flying lessons, lessons from Launchpad had all he had been able to afford at the time until he could get enough money to pay a better teacher. He didn't need that loudmouthed princess reminding him of those hard times when Launchpad had nearly killed him every other lesson.
"Blasted woman!" he roared. "How dare she bring that time up?"
An extremely excruciating three hours later…
The Capsulebago slowly crashed into the desert sands of the moon of Sega, and with a nervous Hurl's help, Lone Prince had justly barely and safely landed them into a sand dune.
Meanwhile in the backroom, a disheveled Bulma (who could not find any seatbelts in the backroom and had been forced to cling to some guardrails to save herself), had just managed to haul herself out of a pile of aluminum beer cans. Chichi Matrix's droid body was banged and dinged, but other than that, she was still stable. Bulma tried to pull herself together as much as she could, smoothing her wedding gown and running her slim fingers through her aqua hair. She was infuriated, and she knew a certain "space monkey" whom she planned to tell off immediately.
"I'm going to let him have it once and for all!" she roared, as she began to head out of the backroom, sweeping her skirts behind her.
"WAIT! Don't do anything rash!" Chichi Matrix pleaded. "They're missing a few bolts, I know, but we'll need them to help get us home!"
Up front…
"Primitive idiot, am I? Perverted bastard, am I? I'm going back there just to let her know who's superior here, which isn't her!" Lone Prince hissed in his fury.
"Wait, Prince!" Hurl protested. "I've seen her, and she's a babe! Man, that hair, and her chest, why those boobs hardly look real, but I'm sure that they are! She has a nice body, breasts, and legs that just don't quit. At least get a good look at her before you disintegrate her!"
"Babe or not, she is not going to talk to me that way!" Lone Prince growled.
In the backroom…
"Please think before you yell at him," Chichi Matrix pleaded. "Who knows? He might be sexy. He has such a fine voice!"
"Sexy?" Bulma exclaimed angrily. "Alright, so his voice may be of a Kami's, but that doesn't excuse his manners! Hmmph! Besides he acts just like a space-monkey, smelly, porn-ogling, shot-drinking pig who probably wouldn't know common decency if it hit him in his face!"
Up front…
"Hurl, don't over exaggerate," Lone Prince scoffed. "You've seen one alien princess, you've seen them all! She may have a fine body, but even if that's true, she sounds like a loudmouthed, obnoxious, bossy female whom her groom was probably happy to get rid of! He's probably celebrating 'cause she ran away! If she talked to him, like she talked to me, I would be celebrating too!"
And with that, Lone Prince and Hurl walked to the backroom, with Lone Prince marching furiously with his head down, like a cat ready to pounce on an annoying mouse.
He mumbled under his breath, "Loudmouthed, sharp-tongued, foul-tempered woman…doesn't she know that I am a Prince, and no one, not even her speaks to me that way!"
Backroom…
"Egotistical prick, arrogant as hell, foul-mouthed, probably couldn't get a woman in bed if he offered her all of the stars, plus Disneyworld and MGM studios! How dare he proposition me?" Bulma fumed, just as the "egotistical prick" and his friend entered the backroom unannounced.
Bulma's jaw dropped when she saw what the shorter of the two men looked like. Before her stood a short, but very handsome and well-developed muscular male with black hair that was spiky and pointed like an ebony fire. He stood majestically in a leather bomber jacket, a strange gold pin on his lapel, and jeans that clung to his finely enhanced muscles. She could see the outlines of a six-pack chest through his white T-shirt. And his face, angular, but nicely chiseled features! And his hands! Bulma couldn't help but imagine what those large, well-developed hands could do to a woman's body.
He's much handsomer than Eatum, that's for sure! I sure was right to run away, especially since this hunk came along!
Lone Prince's jaw had also plummeted, and he could not take his obsidian eyes of Bulma's perfect curves. The wedding dress she wore clung to her slender, lithe body nicely, with a nice hint of cleavage in her neckline. Lone Prince tried to keep himself from staring at her abundant bosom for too long, but he couldn't. He then looked at her face, soft turquoise eyes that were framed with unusually long lashes, and her hair was long and aqua, a silvery light blue waterfall that cascaded down her face and shoulders. He gave her a long once-over, openly admiring her hourglass figure.
*What a woman! All those curves, that body, and that wit of hers! Hmm…I wonder what she'd be like naked and beneath me!*
Lone Prince then grinned at the thought of Bulma in a lacy white garter and teddy instead of that wedding dress. Better yet, no clothes at all.
They stood like that, as if frozen in time, openly ogling each other, lust at first sight. Then after a few minutes that seemed like hours, they finally came to their senses. Lone Prince was the first to recover, but the words that he had wanted to tell her off with did not come out the way that he had wanted them to earlier:
"Now see here, woman, on this ship, you will refer to me as 'Perverted Bastard', not Prince! Got that woman?"
Bulma grinned evilly, as she said slyly, "Got it, Perverted Bastard."
Hurl and Chichi Matrix both openly snickered at Bulma's obeying Lone Prince's demand. Embarrassed at making a fool of himself because he had been concentrating more on her ample breasts than his thoughts, Lone Prince sputtered, "Reverse that first sentence, woman! You know what I mean!"
Bulma was finally able to gather her thoughts together, although it had taken her some time to do so. She collected all of her fury and snapped back, "And you will not address me as woman! You will never address me as woman! You will refer to me as Your Royal Highness!"
"Oh, you're royal, all right, woman," Lone Prince said with a smirk. "In fact, you're a royal pain in the as-"
Before he could finish, Hurl did one thing that he would have normally never done under any circumstances: he interrupted his partner. "Time out, Prince! We have a problem!"
"No, really, Hurl, I didn't know that!" Lone Prince sneered. "She's standing right in front of us!"
"Now see you, you little monkey prick-" Bulma began.
"Don't you dare refer to me as monkey, woman!"
"And don't you dare call me woman!"
"Okay, man, whatever you say!"
"Why you little-"
"That's enough!" Hurl dared to order, as he endured the deadly glares of both Lone Prince and Bulma. "Any minute now, Screwball 1000 is going to make a huge three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn and come right back after us. If we don't flee soon, Dark Horns will send us all into a black hole permanently!"
"He's right," Lone Prince said authoritatively, for once agreeing with his partner. "Let's go!"
"Wait!" Bulma cried out. "We need to get my things!"
"Bulma, you have your Prada bag with all of your capsules in it," Chichi Matrix pointed out.
"I'm not leaving without my Vera Winger-Wang dresses!" Bulma insisted.
"Now see, you royal…" Lone Prince began, but Hurl nudged him and grunted, "…highness. I command you to take only what you need to survive."
"We could sell her dresses for supplies," Hurl pointed out.
"Sell my dresses?" Bulma hissed furiously. "Now see here-"
Chichi Matrix nudged Bulma and whispered, "Just go along with them for now. We'll find a way to keep your dresses later." Bulma reluctantly agreed.
Hurl glared darkly at Bulma, along with Lone Prince, as they all prepared to leave the Capsulebago.
On the sands of Sega…
Lone Prince was grumbling loudly, as he carried three of Bulma's Vera Winger-Wang dresses on his back. Hurl was openly ogling Chichi Matrix while he was lugging the last couple of Bulma's expensive dresses on his broad, muscular back. He had heard that it was possible for some droids to have sex, and he had been speculating on whether Chichi Matrix could be one of them. He admired her curves, and her long, synthetic black hair, which, if he had been able to touch it, was as soft as real hair. Chichi Matrix was built like a human woman, although she was gold-covered, an actual android. Hurl was drooling because of her, and because the hot desert sun was draining what moisture that he had in him away.
Lone Prince's thoughts were drifting between thoughts of bedding Bulma to thoughts of strangling her, as the weight of the lacy, silky, or otherwise ornate dresses bore heavily down on his back. Finally, his thoughts of her swung more towards strangling her, as he decided that he had enough of the weighty gowns that he had been coerced to carry.
"That's it!" Lone Prince hissed. "These dresses are staying where I dropped them!" And with that, Lone Prince dropped all three of the dresses off of his back. "Hurl, ditch the dresses! Carrying them through this heat is ridiculous!"
Hurl happily followed suit, and Bulma turned around and snapped at them, "You two pick those back up!"
Lone Prince retorted, "You want these dresses with you, YOU carry them! Hurl and I are not your pack mules!"
"I am a princess! Princesses do not do heavy work!"
Lone Prince narrowed his eyes at Bulma. "Okay, princess, the clock has struck midnight. Cinderella is no longer at the ball, and the coachmen and footmen are gone! If you want these bundles of lace, froth and ornaments so badly, then you will find a way to carry them! Hurl and I are your rescuers, not your butlers! As of now, you are no better than us, especially me! Until I return you to your father, I am in charge!"
"How dare you speak that way to me?" Bulma demanded. "How dare you…you…you…you…" Her voice echoed throughout the desert for miles. She continued to shout more angry words to the wind.
Lone Prince smirked, watching her carefully, as she screamed. "Look at her…that cape of turquoise, those glittering aqua eyes…that trace of blush upon her fair cheeks…the nice way that her chest heaves up and down when she's angry…"
Hurl grinned. "Yeah, I've noticed that last part myself earlier."
Bulma stopped her ranting and looked at Lone Prince, as if seeing him in a different light. "You really meant those things?" she asked.
"Of course," Lone Prince said wickedly. "It all comes down to one thing."
"What's that?"
"You look hideous when you're angry!" Lone Prince said, grinning. Hurl laughed.
Bulma would have slapped his face, but Chichi Matrix thankfully pulled her back before she did anything rash.
"That's enough," Hurl said, still laughing. "We need to find a place to sleep before long. It's getting dark."
Chichi Matrix took Bulma's hand. "C'mon, Bulma. We'll just take the two dresses that you like the most." Bulma reluctantly agreed.
So Chichi Matrix picked up a red dress, and Bulma picked up a lavender one, and both women walked ahead slowly through the dusty sands. Hurl, happy not to have to carry any more dresses, was singing, "Free at last, free at last! Thank you, God, we are free at last-"
"Not yet, Hurl," Lone Prince snapped. "We still have to return the woman to her father."
Hurl sighed. Ah, well. After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert on the Moon of Sega.
Screwball 1000…
Dark Horns had his mask down, and he was sipping French Vanilla cappuccino through the air piece in his Dark Vader-like helmet. He asked Porto Rico, "Have you found them yet?"
"No, sire. They're not showing on the scanners."
"Well, keep looking."
Captain Zarbon dashed in at the moment, with Honey Moon, a big, busty blonde with green eyes and long, long yellow hair down her back, on his arm. "Sire, I have the solution to our dilemma."
"And what would that be, Captain?" Dark Horns wanted to know.
Captain Zarbon turned to Porto Rico. "Porto, get on the intergalacticnet."
"Yes, Captain."
Within minutes, all four of them were at the main computer terminal. Honey Moon was nibbling on Zarbon's ear, and Dark Horns managed a quick "one-on-one" section while Porto Rico was setting up the computer. Finally, they reached the intergalacticnet.
"Now, Porto, go to fanfiction.net."
"Yes, Captain."
Dark Horns asked, bored, "What is the point of this, Captain Zarbon?"
Captain Zarbon explained, "Well, sire, I have some good news. There has been a breakthrough in fanfiction writing."
"And?"
"You'll see, sire. Porto, type in 'Dragonspaceballs' in the title bar."
"Yes, Captain."
On the computer screen, a page came up with one entry marked "Dragonspaceballs by Sawnya". And Dark Horns noticed that at the beginning of the summary sentence, it said, "COMPLETE".
"Complete? This story is completed already? How can that be? Sawnya's still in the middle of writing it!"
Captain Zarbon said easily, "True, sire, but like I said before, there's been an astounding breakthrough in fanfiction writing."
"And what would that be?"
"Instant fanfictions. Completed fanfiction stories that are out on the Internet before the story has been finished!"
"Captain, did you lose what few brain cells that you possess along with your hair extensions?"
"No way, sire. It's absolutely true. Porto Rico, start on the first chapter."
"Yes, Captain."
They arrived on the first page of "Dragonspaceballs".
"Porto, read it out loud."
"Yes, Captain." And Porto Rico began to read the story out loud, "Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ or any of its characters, nor do I own "Spaceballs" (the movie that this story is based on), or any of its characters. "Spaceballs" belongs to Mel Brooks, and whoever worked with him to make it. Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Funimation, and whoever else is involved does…"
"Too early!" Dark Horns cried. "Way too early."
"Porto, prepare to skip to the next chapter-"
"No, no, Captain!" Dark Horns protested. "Still much too early. Skip ahead a chapter or two."
"Porto, prepare to skip ahead," Captain Zarbon ordered.
"Preparing to skip ahead…skipping ahead now…"
Before they knew it, Porto Rico was reading "Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed" until he came to the part of Captain Zarbon stopping the ship. "The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space. 'AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!' Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space. The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering…"
"No!" Dark Horns exclaimed in horror. "Skip past that part. In fact, never, ever read that part again!" He called out to everyone on the ship, "Does everyone hear me? Everyone is forbidden to read Chapter Four ever again, is that clear?" He waved his ringed finger as an additional warning.
All of the males on the ship instinctively covered their crotches. "Yes, sire!" The women nodded quickly.
Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained "Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…" and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said, "Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained 'Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…' and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said…"
Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read out loud, "Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read…"
Dark Horns then held up his middle finger and flicked it at the computer. The chapter page spoke of Dark Horns's flicking the computer off, as if it had already happened. Dark Horns did everything, including sticking his tongue at the computer screen to flashing himself at it (which delighted Porto Rico, but caused poor Captain Zarbon and Honey Moon to faint from shock).
Dark Horns then cried out, "Screw this story!"
He then read in the next sentence, "Screw this story!"
Captain Zarbon managed to recover from shock, as he helped himself and Honey Moon up off of the floor. Dark Horns seized Captain Zarbon by his collar and exclaimed, "What the hell am I reading, Captain? So far anything that I have done has been recorded to the very last detail on the computer! When did this part happen in this story?"
"Now, sire. You are reading about now, sire. Everything that is happening now is being written now."
"What happened to then?" Dark Horns demanded to know. He was not so sure that he liked some fanfiction story, even one that he was starring in, predicting his every word and move correctly.
"We passed then, sire."
"When? When did we pass then? I didn't even get to read about then!"
"Just now. We're reading about now, now."
"Go back to the passage about then."
"When, sire?"
"Right now!"
"Right now?"
"RIGHT NOW!" Dark Horns roared.
"We-we can't, sire!"
"Why not?"
"We missed that part."
"When?"
"Just now."
"When will the passage about then be now?"
Captain Zarbon sighed, "Porto Rico, skim down the chapter further."
"Yes, Captain."
And within seconds, Porto Rico was reading a new passage, "After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert…"
Porto Rico cried out with delight, "We found them, sire!"
"Where?" Dark Horns demanded to know.
"It says near the end of this chapter that, 'Porto Rico told Dark Horns that Bulma was on the Moon of Sega.'"
"Good job, Porto!" Captain Zarbon cheered. "Tell Kiwi to set a course and prepare for our arrival."
"When will we arrive?" Dark Horns asked impatiently.
"In approximately seventeen hundred hours, sire," Captain Zarbon assured him. "Rest assured, sire, that by midnight tomorrow they will be our prisoners. Oh, and sire, one more thing?"
"What's that?"
"I just read the next-to-the-last sentence of this story. Would you please wait on your next 'one-on-one' session at least until the next chapter?"
Dark Horns's face reddened, as he mumbled, embarrassed, "Sure, why not?"
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A/N: Hehehe! Hmmm...I'm debating on whether to keep this story clean, or put in a lemon or citrus scene involving Lone Prince and Bulma. It would make things interesting, but then the original movie didn't have any lemony scenes. Also, I may have a little Nappa/Chichi pairing, something that you don't see every day. Well, anyway, let me know what you think...R&R!