Chapter Six: Getting Better Acquainted
Night on the Moon of Sega…
Hurl was curled up like a huge St. Bernard, snoring loudly. Even Lone Prince's shoving sand down Hurl's pants did not do anything to rouse him and force him to stop snoring. Only Chichi Matrix was able to sleep, and the droid's head was bend forward. On the small screen monitor on her chest read the phrase that kept rolling across the screen, "Sleep Mode. Do Not Awaken Unless You Have A Death Wish."
Bulma was curled up into herself, shivering, as she tried to keep warm in the cold desert night. Lone Prince mischievously came up from behind her with his arms spread wide open. Before Bulma knew it, Lone Prince threw his arms around her from behind, wrapping them around her body tightly. He chuckled wickedly until Bulma managed to struggle out of his arms.
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at him.
Lone Prince laughed. "Trying to keep you warm, woman. I saw you shivering…so I figured that I warm you up in my own way."
"Well, I'm perfectly fine, thank you," Bulma told him stiffly, wrapping her slender arms around her body.
"Suit yourself," Lone Prince told her.
Still, she shivered, and Lone Prince finally took off his leather jacket and offered it to her. Bulma looked at the coat hesitantly.
"Are you going to take it, woman, or what?" Lone Prince demanded to know. "I'd hate to return an iceberg to King Briefs."
Finally, Bulma took his jacket and put it on. "Thank you," she told him quietly, "but aren't you going to be cold?"
"Cold never bothers me, woman."
"Will you stop addressing me as 'woman'?" Bulma asked impatiently. "My name is Bulma, Princess Bulma." Lone Prince said nothing, but a grunt, as Bulma turned from him to search for her home planet.
"I can't find Droolia anywhere," she said worriedly.
"It's right there," Lone Prince told her, pointing to a gleaming blue dot in the sky.
"Where?" Bulma asked, still puzzled.
Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, with his cheek close to hers. He whispered, "See that blue dot, woman, the one that's the same color as your hair? It's right there near the North Star."
Bulma cried out, amazed, "I do see it! But how will we ever get there now?"
"We will, woman. I made a promise that I would get you home, and a prince always keeps his promises."
Bulma looked at him, confused. "Are you really a prince?"
"Of course I am, woman!" Lone Prince declared indignantly. "Do you doubt my word?"
"Well, how many princes ride around in RV's and read porn magazines?" Bulma wanted to know.
"For your information, it is Hurl that reads that garbage!"
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you know that you are a prince?"
"I believe that I am," Lone Prince told her. "True, I have no real proof, but I believe that this lapel pin that I wear that bears a strange language that I cannot decipher will surely tell me that I am a prince."
Bulma studied the lapel pin on the jacket carefully. "How do you know that it doesn't say, 'Eat At Joe's' or 'Suck My Toes' or-"
"Are you mocking me, woman?" Lone Prince growled.
"I'm just saying…how can you be so confident that you are royalty?"
"My fighting skills, my handsome looks, and my high intelligence surely prove that I am a prince."
"Where are you from?" Bulma asked him.
"I have no idea of my heritage, woman, not yet anyway. I was left in a trailer park on some remote desolate planet, and neither of my foster parents could tell me what my lapel pin medallion said, but then they couldn't even read an eye chart, let alone my pin. Shortly, after deciding that someone of my intelligence and superiority couldn't possible stay with people whose greatest accomplishment was winning an intergalactic belching competition, so I went away to an intergalactic high school and graduated at the top of my class from Galaxy High, where I met Hurl. I couldn't afford college, and the only way that Hurl could ever get into college was through a sorority party, so we've just started traveling the universe, doing odd jobs and trying to figure out what this medallion of mine says."
Bulma studied the medallion again. "I wish that I could translate this for you, Lone Prince, but I can't. Maybe when we get back to Droolia, my father could surely find someone to help."
Lone Prince said quietly, "I would appreciate it, woman, if he could do so. Anyway, may I ask you something?"
"Ummm…sure."
"Why did you run away from your wedding?"
"Well, if you must know, there was no way that I could love or marry a man who was more interested in the breasts and thighs of KFC than in mine."
Lone Prince chuckled. "His loss, since the breasts and thighs of KFC couldn't even compare to yours."
Bulma felt her cheeks grow warm.
"So, if you didn't want him, woman, why were you going to marry him?"
"Because I am a princess, and he was the only prince within fifty light-years from where I live. After all, a princess must marry a prince."
"And this prince didn't turn you on, huh?"
"No," Bulma replied coolly, "he didn't 'turn me on'." She sighed heavily then. "I am going to have to go back, after all. I should have never run away in the first place. I realize now that love is one jewel that a princess can never have in her crown."
She was breathing a little heavier now, as Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, his warm breath tickling her ear. "You're right woman; there are just some gems in life that a princess can never obtain, and love is one of them." He then began to gently nibble on her earlobe.
"Who needs love anyway?" Bulma declared, barely able to breathe now. "Love is for commoners and fools. All love does is get you into trouble, causing you to lose control, making you become vulnerable."
"You've got that right, woman," Lone Prince breathed, as his lips moved from her earlobe down to the crook of her neck. He began kissing her neck, with his tongue lapping gently against the smooth, soft skin. Bulma's back arched, as Lone Prince's teeth lightly grazed her delicate flesh. "Love just causes you to feel ridiculous emotions and makes you want to sacrifice all for someone, when you're better off taking care of yourself only." His tongue was now dancing in the hollow of her throat.
Bulma said breathlessly, "And love causes you to…get hurt…if you care for the…wrong person." She felt her arms slide around Lone Prince's neck, as Lone Prince continued to kiss and nibble at her throat and neck.
"Yes, woman, you are correct," Lone Prince panted, as his lips trailed a hot, moist trail along her swanlike neck up to her jaw line. He nibbled her chin, as he continued, "And love makes you forget yourself, your own goals, your own ambitions in favor of a bunch of kisses and caresses that will only lead to one thing."
"Yes…yes, one thing," Bulma sighed happily, just before Lone Prince's lips finally went to meet hers. "And that one thing just…" But she could speak no more, as her lips joined Lone Prince's. Their lips were pressed firmly against each other's, as Lone Prince's arms wrapped around her torso. His Saiyan tail also wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her slim body against his. Bulma pressed herself against him, as her arms tightened around his neck. Lone Prince then gently pushed her down to the sandy ground, as they continued to kiss. Still kissing her, Lone Prince helped her out of his leather jacket.
Breaking their passionate kiss temporarily, Bulma helped Lone Prince to take off his white shirt, and she gasped in amazement when she saw that handsome six-pack chest that she had been fantasizing about for a while. His perfectly chiseled chest muscles were firm and hard without a trace of fat on them. Lone Prince brought Bulma's hand to his chest, and her hand rested upon a large nipple. He held onto her hand, as he brought it to caress his manly chest in circles, moving it lower along his abs, heading towards the zipper of his pants.
Bulma would have gladly obliged him further, but then a loud siren-like alarm went off, and a red flashing light blinked on and off repeatedly. Before she and Lone Prince knew it, Chichi Matrix sent a gold-colored frying pan crashing down onto Lone Prince's head. Lone Prince's mouth was opened in shock, as he fell sideways into the sand. He was knocked unconscious fairly quickly.
"CHICHI!" Bulma screamed. "How could you?"
A red, flashing light was now on top of Chichi Matrix's head, and the small screen monitor on her chest read, "VIRGIN ALARM".
Lone Prince awoke again, after a few minutes, and Bulma fell to his side. "Lone Prince, are you okay?" she exclaimed.
Hurl was now awake, and he saw Chichi Matrix put her frying pan back into a chest compartment on her body. She closed the door, and she turned towards Lone Prince's huge partner. "That warning goes for you too, boy!" she hissed.
"What?" Hurl exclaimed.
"I was, woman, until…that psycho woman-robot droid hit me hard!" Lone Prince growled. He then looked towards Chichi Matrix and snarled, "How dare you attack me, robot?"
"How dare you try to make the moves on Bulma?" Chichi Matrix hissed angrily. "This flashing alarm is my Virgin Alarm going off. It's programmed to prevent unnecessary violations." She dashed over to Bulma and felt her over with her metal hands. " Are you okay? What'd he touch? Where'd he touch?"
"Will you relax, Chichi?" Bulma snapped. "I'm a grown woman!"
"Yeah, and apparently Sex Fiend here realized it," Chichi Matrix pointed out sternly. She said icily to Lone Prince, "Listen, Prince Of All Perverts, you get back to bed now, and don't you touch her again, or I'll fix some parts on you, so that they won't work again with any woman!"
"Fine, fine," Lone Prince hissed. "But if you EVER attack me again, droid, I'll turn you into something more useful-like a garbage disposal! Good night!" He crawled into bed and pulled the cover over himself. Bulma gave Chichi Matrix an icy look, before she herself retired for the night. A smugly satisfied Chichi Matrix went to sleep herself, and a puzzled Hurl did as well.
Next morning…
The four travelers were wandering through the desert, with a cascade of drool rolling from Hurl's mouth.
Lone Prince panted, as he trudged through the sands, "Water, water…water."
Hurl breathed heavily, gasping, "Beer, beer…beer."
Chichi Matrix wheezed, "Oil…oil…oil."
Bulma rasped, "Perrier, Perrier…Perrier."
As the day went on, becoming hotter and hotter, Bulma had now fainted, and Lone Prince was carrying her, trying not to look down her dress (too much). A sleepy Chichi Matrix was riding on Hurl's back, with her long, gold legs sticking out at the sides.
Hurl wheezed, "Lone…Prince…can't go on any further…"
"Course…we can…" Lone Prince said, trying to scold the best that he could. "Just…two more dunes…to…go…"
"You…said…that…. twenty dunes back…Prince…" Hurl panted. "Sorry, can't go on…tell my kids that I…love them…" His eyes snapped shut, and then he fell facedown into the burning, blinding sand. Chichi Matrix fell upon him.
"You…don't…have any…kids…" Lone Prince pointed out. "Remember…you…found…out…that they…weren't yours." And then he fainted too, dropping Bulma and falling upon her with his face landing in between her deep cleavage.
The wind blew wildly around them, slowly blanketing them with sand.
Ten minutes later…
"La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, la, la, la, la…LA!'"
Seven little chubby long-nosed girls dressed in candy-cane pink glittering robes scurried quickly across the sand with leather canteens in their tiny, plump hands. They continued to sing their "la-la" song, as they all encircled four fallen travelers.
A "La-La" girl exclaimed, "La-la?" (Translation: They dead?)
The head "La-La" girl said sharply, "La, la-la! La, la, la, la." (No, dingleberry! Give them water at once!")
And the La-La girls gathered around the strange visitors to the moon of Sega. One La-La girl gave a huge, muscular man with a monkey's tail a long drink from her canteen. Another La-La girl gave a lovely blue-haired woman, dressed in a fancy wedding gown, water from her canteen. And a third La-La girl gave some sips of oil to a golden female robot with thick, black hair while another La-La girl stared admiringly at a short, but well-developed muscular male with wild black hair, as she gave him water.
"La, la," that last girl cooed approvingly. ("I'll take this hunk for myself!")
"LA!" the head La-La girl snapped. "La, la, la, la!" ("No! Take them to our leader!")
As the head La-La girl barked orders in Lalanese, Lone Prince slowly awoke, as he greedily drank his water. "Thank you, little girl!" he panted to the girl who gave him water.
"La, la! La, la, la, la!" (No problem! Will you marry me?)
Hurl awoke, thankful for the water that his La-La girl gave him. "What's going on here?" he asked. "I thought we were doing a parody of 'Spaceballs', not 'Wizard of Oz'?"
The head La-La girl signaled for the travelers, for now they were awake, every one, to rise, and they did, with Lone Prince helping Bulma to her feet. All of them followed the happily singing La-La girls across the desert, with a sweet chorus of "La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, LA!"
Further away on the moon of Sega…
Dark Horns was staring out of a pair of binoculars, as he hid beneath a safari hat shaped especially to fit over his head and horns perfectly. He, Porto Rico, and Zarbon were sitting in a tan-colored Jeep. He said in his Darth Vader voice, "I don't see them, Zarbon."
"Don't worry, sire. "I've sent the men to Sector Twelve."
"Good; let's make like a dog and shi-"
"SIRE!" Zarbon exclaimed. "That's make like a banana and split!"
"Ah, of-of course…I knew that!" Dark Horns snapped. "Can't I be original once in a while?"
"Absolutely, sire," Zarbon replied. "It wouldn't hurt." Zarbon thought of all the times that Dark Horns had constantly tried to emulate his favorite villains. It was the first time that Zarbon had ever known his master to even attempt to say something that no one else had ever said. Zarbon turned to Porto Rico, who was driving and said, "Prepare to move out."
"I would, Captain, but I don't make enough money to get my own place yet."
"Just prepare to drive, Porto Rico!"
"What the hell is with the preparing?" Dark Horns screamed. "You two are always preparing! Can't you idiots just do something? Just drive, Porto, and drive fast!"
"Yes, sire!"
Dark Horns was sitting, but he wasn't wearing his seat belt. Zarbon became concerned. "Sire, shouldn't you buckle up? Remember what happened the last time-"
Dark Horns flicked Zarbon off. "Buckle this! Now drive-AHHHHH!"
Within seconds, Dark Horns was flung from his car seat from the back, after Porto Rico's vehicle had begun to move forward at top speed. Dark Horns's body flew through the air over Porto Rico's head, over the hood of the vehicle-and kept going and going…and going…
"SOMEONE HELP ME! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns's voice was sounding further and further away.
Zarbon sighed, "I knew that we should have rigged this vehicle with one of those devices that prevent the vehicle from turning on, if not everyone is buckled in."
Dark Horn's body was becoming a blinding white dot in the hot, clear desert sky, and his screams were growing more faint.
"This is going to be a long day," Porto Rico groaned.
"And possibly a long chapter," Zarbon added. "Well, they won't kill him off this early, at least."
Beneath the sands of Sega…
The La-La girls led Lone Prince, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, and Hurl to a rocky dune in the sand. The head La-La girl, Lu-Lu, knocked on the front of the sand dune and blew on it. Within seconds the panel of a door was revealed.
"La-la, la" Lu-Lu told the travelers. ("Follow me.")
Lu-Lu knocked her knock to the tune of "Shave And A Haircut…Two Bits", and the door panel arose into the air, as if by magic. When the door had opened, Lu-Lu led her peers and the travelers down through a dark stairwell, heading lower and lower until they reached a large, cavernous room underground. There was a pathway lit up with glowing fiery lanterns leading to an altar, where a huge moss-ridden statue of a fat, witchlike woman with a tall, pointed hat, short, stick-straight hair and a chubby nose. Her arms were crossed, and a wicked smirk crossed her cracked, aged face. She was sitting upon a stone globe with her legs crossed in a lotus position.
Hurl joked, "Look at that witch's face! Talk about the Bride of Buu!"
Lone Prince laughed. "I guess she's never heard of anti-aging cream!"
"ANTI-AGING, MY BUTT! WHO DARES TO MAKE FUN OF ME?" a high-pitched feminine voice screamed from out of nowhere. And after this, smoke began to steam out of the woman statue's nostrils and ears.
Hurl's eyes bulged, and his Saiyan tail stood up in the air, ramrod-straight.
Chichi Matrix shivered in her metal body. Lone Prince, unnerved as usual, decided to take this opportunity to make a pass at Bulma. Bulma was shaking, and Lone Prince wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her slender body from behind.
"I won't let anything let anything happen to you, woman," he assured her smoothly. "You're safe with me."
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY REST? WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY BEAUTY SLEEP?"
Hurl regained his nerve and cracked, "No amount of sleep's ever going to restore your beauty!"
"Assuming that you've ever had any in the first place," Lone Prince added, pulling Bulma closer to his body.
"I'm scared," Bulma admitted nervously.
"Don't worry, woman, I will protect you. Nothing scares a prince."
"ALRIGHT, YOU WISE GUYS! THAT'S IT! I SHALL DESTROY YOU IN YOUR TRACKS!" And after this voice spoke, the temple began to shake loudly, and the floor began to crack in the middle. Part of the crack wiggled past Lone Prince and Bulma.
"AHHH!" Hurl screamed.
An unusually panicked Lone Prince released Bulma abruptly and jumped into her arms, shaking and clinging to Bulma, like Scooby Doo would cling to Shaggy whenever he was frightened.
"I don't like earthquakes! Make it go away!" Lone Prince wailed, hiding his head in Bulma's shoulder. Bulma looked at him and frowned heavily.
"Yes, Lone Prince, I know that you'll protect me," Bulma muttered sarcastically. "I feel so safe with you."
Lone Prince couldn't look her in her face; he was deeply embarrassed by his own behavior, so he chose to look in a much safer place (as long as Bulma didn't find out)-Bulma's deep cleavage.
Finally, a door in the bottom of the woman statue opened, and a miniature, living image of the huge statue came out, floating on a crystal ball.
"Who dares to wake up BABA, the ever-living, all-wise, psychic, witch, dead-person-bringy-backer, and…leading Fortune Five Million Businesswoman?"
"BABA?" everyone exclaimed, and they all fell to their knees, with Bulma abruptly dropping Lone Prince onto his bottom hard.
Night on the Moon of Sega…
Hurl was curled up like a huge St. Bernard, snoring loudly. Even Lone Prince's shoving sand down Hurl's pants did not do anything to rouse him and force him to stop snoring. Only Chichi Matrix was able to sleep, and the droid's head was bend forward. On the small screen monitor on her chest read the phrase that kept rolling across the screen, "Sleep Mode. Do Not Awaken Unless You Have A Death Wish."
Bulma was curled up into herself, shivering, as she tried to keep warm in the cold desert night. Lone Prince mischievously came up from behind her with his arms spread wide open. Before Bulma knew it, Lone Prince threw his arms around her from behind, wrapping them around her body tightly. He chuckled wickedly until Bulma managed to struggle out of his arms.
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at him.
Lone Prince laughed. "Trying to keep you warm, woman. I saw you shivering…so I figured that I warm you up in my own way."
"Well, I'm perfectly fine, thank you," Bulma told him stiffly, wrapping her slender arms around her body.
"Suit yourself," Lone Prince told her.
Still, she shivered, and Lone Prince finally took off his leather jacket and offered it to her. Bulma looked at the coat hesitantly.
"Are you going to take it, woman, or what?" Lone Prince demanded to know. "I'd hate to return an iceberg to King Briefs."
Finally, Bulma took his jacket and put it on. "Thank you," she told him quietly, "but aren't you going to be cold?"
"Cold never bothers me, woman."
"Will you stop addressing me as 'woman'?" Bulma asked impatiently. "My name is Bulma, Princess Bulma." Lone Prince said nothing, but a grunt, as Bulma turned from him to search for her home planet.
"I can't find Droolia anywhere," she said worriedly.
"It's right there," Lone Prince told her, pointing to a gleaming blue dot in the sky.
"Where?" Bulma asked, still puzzled.
Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, with his cheek close to hers. He whispered, "See that blue dot, woman, the one that's the same color as your hair? It's right there near the North Star."
Bulma cried out, amazed, "I do see it! But how will we ever get there now?"
"We will, woman. I made a promise that I would get you home, and a prince always keeps his promises."
Bulma looked at him, confused. "Are you really a prince?"
"Of course I am, woman!" Lone Prince declared indignantly. "Do you doubt my word?"
"Well, how many princes ride around in RV's and read porn magazines?" Bulma wanted to know.
"For your information, it is Hurl that reads that garbage!"
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you know that you are a prince?"
"I believe that I am," Lone Prince told her. "True, I have no real proof, but I believe that this lapel pin that I wear that bears a strange language that I cannot decipher will surely tell me that I am a prince."
Bulma studied the lapel pin on the jacket carefully. "How do you know that it doesn't say, 'Eat At Joe's' or 'Suck My Toes' or-"
"Are you mocking me, woman?" Lone Prince growled.
"I'm just saying…how can you be so confident that you are royalty?"
"My fighting skills, my handsome looks, and my high intelligence surely prove that I am a prince."
"Where are you from?" Bulma asked him.
"I have no idea of my heritage, woman, not yet anyway. I was left in a trailer park on some remote desolate planet, and neither of my foster parents could tell me what my lapel pin medallion said, but then they couldn't even read an eye chart, let alone my pin. Shortly, after deciding that someone of my intelligence and superiority couldn't possible stay with people whose greatest accomplishment was winning an intergalactic belching competition, so I went away to an intergalactic high school and graduated at the top of my class from Galaxy High, where I met Hurl. I couldn't afford college, and the only way that Hurl could ever get into college was through a sorority party, so we've just started traveling the universe, doing odd jobs and trying to figure out what this medallion of mine says."
Bulma studied the medallion again. "I wish that I could translate this for you, Lone Prince, but I can't. Maybe when we get back to Droolia, my father could surely find someone to help."
Lone Prince said quietly, "I would appreciate it, woman, if he could do so. Anyway, may I ask you something?"
"Ummm…sure."
"Why did you run away from your wedding?"
"Well, if you must know, there was no way that I could love or marry a man who was more interested in the breasts and thighs of KFC than in mine."
Lone Prince chuckled. "His loss, since the breasts and thighs of KFC couldn't even compare to yours."
Bulma felt her cheeks grow warm.
"So, if you didn't want him, woman, why were you going to marry him?"
"Because I am a princess, and he was the only prince within fifty light-years from where I live. After all, a princess must marry a prince."
"And this prince didn't turn you on, huh?"
"No," Bulma replied coolly, "he didn't 'turn me on'." She sighed heavily then. "I am going to have to go back, after all. I should have never run away in the first place. I realize now that love is one jewel that a princess can never have in her crown."
She was breathing a little heavier now, as Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, his warm breath tickling her ear. "You're right woman; there are just some gems in life that a princess can never obtain, and love is one of them." He then began to gently nibble on her earlobe.
"Who needs love anyway?" Bulma declared, barely able to breathe now. "Love is for commoners and fools. All love does is get you into trouble, causing you to lose control, making you become vulnerable."
"You've got that right, woman," Lone Prince breathed, as his lips moved from her earlobe down to the crook of her neck. He began kissing her neck, with his tongue lapping gently against the smooth, soft skin. Bulma's back arched, as Lone Prince's teeth lightly grazed her delicate flesh. "Love just causes you to feel ridiculous emotions and makes you want to sacrifice all for someone, when you're better off taking care of yourself only." His tongue was now dancing in the hollow of her throat.
Bulma said breathlessly, "And love causes you to…get hurt…if you care for the…wrong person." She felt her arms slide around Lone Prince's neck, as Lone Prince continued to kiss and nibble at her throat and neck.
"Yes, woman, you are correct," Lone Prince panted, as his lips trailed a hot, moist trail along her swanlike neck up to her jaw line. He nibbled her chin, as he continued, "And love makes you forget yourself, your own goals, your own ambitions in favor of a bunch of kisses and caresses that will only lead to one thing."
"Yes…yes, one thing," Bulma sighed happily, just before Lone Prince's lips finally went to meet hers. "And that one thing just…" But she could speak no more, as her lips joined Lone Prince's. Their lips were pressed firmly against each other's, as Lone Prince's arms wrapped around her torso. His Saiyan tail also wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her slim body against his. Bulma pressed herself against him, as her arms tightened around his neck. Lone Prince then gently pushed her down to the sandy ground, as they continued to kiss. Still kissing her, Lone Prince helped her out of his leather jacket.
Breaking their passionate kiss temporarily, Bulma helped Lone Prince to take off his white shirt, and she gasped in amazement when she saw that handsome six-pack chest that she had been fantasizing about for a while. His perfectly chiseled chest muscles were firm and hard without a trace of fat on them. Lone Prince brought Bulma's hand to his chest, and her hand rested upon a large nipple. He held onto her hand, as he brought it to caress his manly chest in circles, moving it lower along his abs, heading towards the zipper of his pants.
Bulma would have gladly obliged him further, but then a loud siren-like alarm went off, and a red flashing light blinked on and off repeatedly. Before she and Lone Prince knew it, Chichi Matrix sent a gold-colored frying pan crashing down onto Lone Prince's head. Lone Prince's mouth was opened in shock, as he fell sideways into the sand. He was knocked unconscious fairly quickly.
"CHICHI!" Bulma screamed. "How could you?"
A red, flashing light was now on top of Chichi Matrix's head, and the small screen monitor on her chest read, "VIRGIN ALARM".
Lone Prince awoke again, after a few minutes, and Bulma fell to his side. "Lone Prince, are you okay?" she exclaimed.
Hurl was now awake, and he saw Chichi Matrix put her frying pan back into a chest compartment on her body. She closed the door, and she turned towards Lone Prince's huge partner. "That warning goes for you too, boy!" she hissed.
"What?" Hurl exclaimed.
"I was, woman, until…that psycho woman-robot droid hit me hard!" Lone Prince growled. He then looked towards Chichi Matrix and snarled, "How dare you attack me, robot?"
"How dare you try to make the moves on Bulma?" Chichi Matrix hissed angrily. "This flashing alarm is my Virgin Alarm going off. It's programmed to prevent unnecessary violations." She dashed over to Bulma and felt her over with her metal hands. " Are you okay? What'd he touch? Where'd he touch?"
"Will you relax, Chichi?" Bulma snapped. "I'm a grown woman!"
"Yeah, and apparently Sex Fiend here realized it," Chichi Matrix pointed out sternly. She said icily to Lone Prince, "Listen, Prince Of All Perverts, you get back to bed now, and don't you touch her again, or I'll fix some parts on you, so that they won't work again with any woman!"
"Fine, fine," Lone Prince hissed. "But if you EVER attack me again, droid, I'll turn you into something more useful-like a garbage disposal! Good night!" He crawled into bed and pulled the cover over himself. Bulma gave Chichi Matrix an icy look, before she herself retired for the night. A smugly satisfied Chichi Matrix went to sleep herself, and a puzzled Hurl did as well.
Next morning…
The four travelers were wandering through the desert, with a cascade of drool rolling from Hurl's mouth.
Lone Prince panted, as he trudged through the sands, "Water, water…water."
Hurl breathed heavily, gasping, "Beer, beer…beer."
Chichi Matrix wheezed, "Oil…oil…oil."
Bulma rasped, "Perrier, Perrier…Perrier."
As the day went on, becoming hotter and hotter, Bulma had now fainted, and Lone Prince was carrying her, trying not to look down her dress (too much). A sleepy Chichi Matrix was riding on Hurl's back, with her long, gold legs sticking out at the sides.
Hurl wheezed, "Lone…Prince…can't go on any further…"
"Course…we can…" Lone Prince said, trying to scold the best that he could. "Just…two more dunes…to…go…"
"You…said…that…. twenty dunes back…Prince…" Hurl panted. "Sorry, can't go on…tell my kids that I…love them…" His eyes snapped shut, and then he fell facedown into the burning, blinding sand. Chichi Matrix fell upon him.
"You…don't…have any…kids…" Lone Prince pointed out. "Remember…you…found…out…that they…weren't yours." And then he fainted too, dropping Bulma and falling upon her with his face landing in between her deep cleavage.
The wind blew wildly around them, slowly blanketing them with sand.
Ten minutes later…
"La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, la, la, la, la…LA!'"
Seven little chubby long-nosed girls dressed in candy-cane pink glittering robes scurried quickly across the sand with leather canteens in their tiny, plump hands. They continued to sing their "la-la" song, as they all encircled four fallen travelers.
A "La-La" girl exclaimed, "La-la?" (Translation: They dead?)
The head "La-La" girl said sharply, "La, la-la! La, la, la, la." (No, dingleberry! Give them water at once!")
And the La-La girls gathered around the strange visitors to the moon of Sega. One La-La girl gave a huge, muscular man with a monkey's tail a long drink from her canteen. Another La-La girl gave a lovely blue-haired woman, dressed in a fancy wedding gown, water from her canteen. And a third La-La girl gave some sips of oil to a golden female robot with thick, black hair while another La-La girl stared admiringly at a short, but well-developed muscular male with wild black hair, as she gave him water.
"La, la," that last girl cooed approvingly. ("I'll take this hunk for myself!")
"LA!" the head La-La girl snapped. "La, la, la, la!" ("No! Take them to our leader!")
As the head La-La girl barked orders in Lalanese, Lone Prince slowly awoke, as he greedily drank his water. "Thank you, little girl!" he panted to the girl who gave him water.
"La, la! La, la, la, la!" (No problem! Will you marry me?)
Hurl awoke, thankful for the water that his La-La girl gave him. "What's going on here?" he asked. "I thought we were doing a parody of 'Spaceballs', not 'Wizard of Oz'?"
The head La-La girl signaled for the travelers, for now they were awake, every one, to rise, and they did, with Lone Prince helping Bulma to her feet. All of them followed the happily singing La-La girls across the desert, with a sweet chorus of "La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, LA!"
Further away on the moon of Sega…
Dark Horns was staring out of a pair of binoculars, as he hid beneath a safari hat shaped especially to fit over his head and horns perfectly. He, Porto Rico, and Zarbon were sitting in a tan-colored Jeep. He said in his Darth Vader voice, "I don't see them, Zarbon."
"Don't worry, sire. "I've sent the men to Sector Twelve."
"Good; let's make like a dog and shi-"
"SIRE!" Zarbon exclaimed. "That's make like a banana and split!"
"Ah, of-of course…I knew that!" Dark Horns snapped. "Can't I be original once in a while?"
"Absolutely, sire," Zarbon replied. "It wouldn't hurt." Zarbon thought of all the times that Dark Horns had constantly tried to emulate his favorite villains. It was the first time that Zarbon had ever known his master to even attempt to say something that no one else had ever said. Zarbon turned to Porto Rico, who was driving and said, "Prepare to move out."
"I would, Captain, but I don't make enough money to get my own place yet."
"Just prepare to drive, Porto Rico!"
"What the hell is with the preparing?" Dark Horns screamed. "You two are always preparing! Can't you idiots just do something? Just drive, Porto, and drive fast!"
"Yes, sire!"
Dark Horns was sitting, but he wasn't wearing his seat belt. Zarbon became concerned. "Sire, shouldn't you buckle up? Remember what happened the last time-"
Dark Horns flicked Zarbon off. "Buckle this! Now drive-AHHHHH!"
Within seconds, Dark Horns was flung from his car seat from the back, after Porto Rico's vehicle had begun to move forward at top speed. Dark Horns's body flew through the air over Porto Rico's head, over the hood of the vehicle-and kept going and going…and going…
"SOMEONE HELP ME! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns's voice was sounding further and further away.
Zarbon sighed, "I knew that we should have rigged this vehicle with one of those devices that prevent the vehicle from turning on, if not everyone is buckled in."
Dark Horn's body was becoming a blinding white dot in the hot, clear desert sky, and his screams were growing more faint.
"This is going to be a long day," Porto Rico groaned.
"And possibly a long chapter," Zarbon added. "Well, they won't kill him off this early, at least."
Beneath the sands of Sega…
The La-La girls led Lone Prince, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, and Hurl to a rocky dune in the sand. The head La-La girl, Lu-Lu, knocked on the front of the sand dune and blew on it. Within seconds the panel of a door was revealed.
"La-la, la" Lu-Lu told the travelers. ("Follow me.")
Lu-Lu knocked her knock to the tune of "Shave And A Haircut…Two Bits", and the door panel arose into the air, as if by magic. When the door had opened, Lu-Lu led her peers and the travelers down through a dark stairwell, heading lower and lower until they reached a large, cavernous room underground. There was a pathway lit up with glowing fiery lanterns leading to an altar, where a huge moss-ridden statue of a fat, witchlike woman with a tall, pointed hat, short, stick-straight hair and a chubby nose. Her arms were crossed, and a wicked smirk crossed her cracked, aged face. She was sitting upon a stone globe with her legs crossed in a lotus position.
Hurl joked, "Look at that witch's face! Talk about the Bride of Buu!"
Lone Prince laughed. "I guess she's never heard of anti-aging cream!"
"ANTI-AGING, MY BUTT! WHO DARES TO MAKE FUN OF ME?" a high-pitched feminine voice screamed from out of nowhere. And after this, smoke began to steam out of the woman statue's nostrils and ears.
Hurl's eyes bulged, and his Saiyan tail stood up in the air, ramrod-straight.
Chichi Matrix shivered in her metal body. Lone Prince, unnerved as usual, decided to take this opportunity to make a pass at Bulma. Bulma was shaking, and Lone Prince wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her slender body from behind.
"I won't let anything let anything happen to you, woman," he assured her smoothly. "You're safe with me."
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY REST? WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY BEAUTY SLEEP?"
Hurl regained his nerve and cracked, "No amount of sleep's ever going to restore your beauty!"
"Assuming that you've ever had any in the first place," Lone Prince added, pulling Bulma closer to his body.
"I'm scared," Bulma admitted nervously.
"Don't worry, woman, I will protect you. Nothing scares a prince."
"ALRIGHT, YOU WISE GUYS! THAT'S IT! I SHALL DESTROY YOU IN YOUR TRACKS!" And after this voice spoke, the temple began to shake loudly, and the floor began to crack in the middle. Part of the crack wiggled past Lone Prince and Bulma.
"AHHH!" Hurl screamed.
An unusually panicked Lone Prince released Bulma abruptly and jumped into her arms, shaking and clinging to Bulma, like Scooby Doo would cling to Shaggy whenever he was frightened.
"I don't like earthquakes! Make it go away!" Lone Prince wailed, hiding his head in Bulma's shoulder. Bulma looked at him and frowned heavily.
"Yes, Lone Prince, I know that you'll protect me," Bulma muttered sarcastically. "I feel so safe with you."
Lone Prince couldn't look her in her face; he was deeply embarrassed by his own behavior, so he chose to look in a much safer place (as long as Bulma didn't find out)-Bulma's deep cleavage.
Finally, a door in the bottom of the woman statue opened, and a miniature, living image of the huge statue came out, floating on a crystal ball.
"Who dares to wake up BABA, the ever-living, all-wise, psychic, witch, dead-person-bringy-backer, and…leading Fortune Five Million Businesswoman?"
"BABA?" everyone exclaimed, and they all fell to their knees, with Bulma abruptly dropping Lone Prince onto his bottom hard.