Chapter Ten: Chemical Warfare
Capsulebago…
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Hurl, not yet."
Ten minutes passed quickly. "Now are we there yet?"
"No, not yet, Hurl!"
Twenty more minutes went by. "So, are we there now?"
"Hell, no!"
And yet another twenty minutes passed. "Now, are we there yet?"
"Hurl, shut up before I force Sawnya to kill you off early!"
"I'm going to die?"
"If you don't stop bugging me, yes! For the last time, Hurl, you will have to wait until we get to planet Screwball to use the restroom! It's not my fault that you clogged the toilet on our ship the last time that you used it!" Lone Prince fumed.
"I can't help it, Prince, I really have to go!" Hurl cried, clutching his stomach.
"Well, if someone hadn't eaten the last of the jalapeno popcorn chicken without leaving his best friend some, it wouldn't have happened! And did you really have to consume the last of the four-alarm chili as well? Look, you fool, we're landing on Screwball now, right in Screwball City! You can relieve yourself then!"
The Capsulebago began to land in a prime parking spot right in front of the Screwball City Prison, which would have been fine, except that…
"Hey, buddy!" a prison guard, who was dressed in a purple-and-white space cadet uniform with a helmet, yelled. His uniform hid his entire body, so it was impossible to tell what species he was descended from. "You're parked in a handicapped space!"
Lone Prince heard him through the closed window, as he pressed a button to lower the driver's side window. He smirked at the agitated guard. "Handicapped space, eh? Well, we're not breaking any laws. My friend, Hurl, is very much handicapped in the head, if you notice."
Standing up in front of his seat, Hurl was marching up and down nervously like a marching band member on cocaine; his movements were frantic and jerky, for his full bladder added to his agony, which was being increased every second with his crippling stomach cramps. Sweat was racing down his face.
"Hut-two-three-four! Hut-two-three-four!" Hurl panted anxiously, as he continued to march in order to prevent himself from going in his pants.
The guard looked strangely at Hurl and then turned back to Lone Prince. "Hmm…I see what you mean. Very well, I suppose you two belong here; at least your friend does."
"Do you have a public restroom?" Lone Prince inquired.
"Why, yes we do," the guard told him. "But first I want to see some identification. I have to ensure that you two are legally allowed on this planet."
"Ohhhhhh! Someone kill me!" Hurl wailed.
Lone Prince, seeing that Hurl in his agony would be of no use at this moment, decided to reach over and search the glove compartment himself. When he opened the glove compartment, a whole pile of fake identification cards came tumbling out. He gathered up all of the cards, wondering which one would be best to give to the prison guard.
"How many ID's do you have, mister?" the impatient guard demanded to know.
"Enough," Lone Prince told him bluntly, still debating on which one to hand the guard. He knew that he was going to have to think quickly before the guard became suspicious.
"I have got to go!" Hurl cried. "I'm gonna explode!"
"Look, you moron!" Lone Prince shouted to the guard. "My friend here has to use the restroom! Here take this ID!" He hastily handed the guard an ID, not paying attention to which one that he was handing to him.
"Sir," the guard said curtly. "There's a problem with this ID."
"And just what would that be?" Lone Prince asked furiously.
"It's a picture of a woman."
"WHAT?"
"Unless you had a sex change recently, and your name used to be Holelotta Whoamon, this isn't you, mister. You and your gassy buddy there step out of the vehicle with the license and the registration immediately."
Lone Prince yelled at an agonized Hurl, "Hurl, were you entertaining a call girl in our ship again?"
"Yesssss!" Hurl cried, close to tears now, for his stomach felt ready to explode at any moment. "Two months ago!"
The guard pulled out a radio and called for backup. Lone Prince wasn't for sure if the guard intended to have him and Hurl arrested, but he wasn't about to just stand around to find out. He had to think fast. As several guards gathered around the Capsulebago, Lone Prince called out to the guard, "If you and your friends want Hurl and me out of this vehicle, you'll have to come in and get us."
"Fine then!" the guard huffed. "Then we will!"
"I'll unlock the door," Lone Prince promised him, and he did.
"Lone Prince, I'm about to go in my pants!" Hurl screamed, with tears mingling with his sweat.
Lone Prince whispered to Hurl, "I have an idea, and your gas problems just might help…" He whispered his plan into Hurl's ear. Hurl nodded quickly, hoping that this plan would lead him to the restroom soon.
As the door on Hurl's side of the Capsulebago opened, Lone Prince discreetly put on a gas mask that he kept hidden under his seat. "Now," he told Hurl, "we'll be using our own special version…"
The guards came rushing into the Capsulebago…
Hurl took a deep breath…
And before anyone could prevent it, a loud, ripping sound similar to the sound of a whoopee cushion echoed throughout the Capsulebago. A noxious brownish-tinted gas filled the air, and the guards fainted immediately.
"…Of the Fartz," Lone Prince concluded with a chuckle.
"Ahhh!" Hurl sighed in great relief.
"Excellent use of chemical warfare on your part, Hurl," Lone Prince praised.
"Thanks, Prince."
Ten minutes later…
A short guard waited impatiently outside of the men's restroom in the Screwball City Prison. His monkeylike tail waved about idly, as he waited for his friend in the men's restroom to come out. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, a tall, bulky guard, who also had a monkeylike tail, emerged from the men's room. Both men comfortably patted their laser guns that had been stolen from the gassed guards.
"Finally, relief!" Hurl sighed contentedly.
"Good," Lone Prince told him. "Now let's go rescue my woman."
"You really care for her, don't you, Prince?" Hurl asked.
"Hmmph," was all that Lone Prince would say, and Hurl grinned under his helmet. He knew then that his suspicions were correct. If Lone Prince had cared nothing for Bulma, he would have said so immediately.
Lone Prince and Hurl began to walk slowly among the corridors, not wanting to attract attention by running or rushing. Finally, they reached the Royal Prisoners section of the prison ward. The two Saiyans walked faster along the corridor, peeking into every cell.
Hurl peeked into one cell and saw Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy Duck in there. "Hey!" he shouted to the two birds. "What are you two doing here? You two birdbrains aren't royalty!" Lone Prince joined him in looking into the cell.
"We-uh-we know that," Foghorn Leghorn stammered. "But we're about to be served up to Dark Horns and President Screw for dinner, dinner, I tell you, and they had nowhere else to stash us! The prisons are-uh-are-uh full, I tell you! Somethin' to do with all the people protestin' President Screw and Dark Horns wanting to become immortal and rule Screwball forever."
"Will ya help us escape?" Daffy inquired frantically.
"Tell us where Princess Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being stashed," Lone Prince ordered.
"And if we do that, will you help us escape too?" Daffy asked.
"Not if you don't tell us where Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being held right now!"
"They're-uh-they're-uh being held in that durn cell four rooms down the hall from us," Foghorn Leghorn stammered.
"Thanks, birdbrains!" Hurl shouted to Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy, as he and Lone Prince hurried down the hall.
"Hey, what about us?" Daffy screamed.
"Come back! Come back, I tell ya!" Foghorn Leghorn cried
"They're disssss-picable!" Daffy hissed.
Bulma was banging on the door of her prison cell, screaming at the last guard who had just left and now was going down the hall, "I demand a phone call at least! I'm supposed to get at least that much! I want a phone call-and a lawyer-and a new dress! I'm royalty, for crying out loud! Someone get over here at once!"
Lone Prince and Hurl neared the cell, hearing Bulma's ranting. Lone Prince chuckled. "I know that screeching anywhere." He called to Bulma, "Stop screaming, woman, before you break all the windows in this building!"
"Now see here-" Bulma began, as Lone Prince and Hurl stopped at the door of her cell. "If you think that you're going to-"
She was interrupted when Lone Prince took off his helmet. Lone Prince smirked at her.
"Lone Prince!" Bulma cried in happiness. She then screamed to Chichi Matrix, who was in sleep mode, "Chichi! They're here! We're being rescued!" She ran over to the droid to awaken her.
"Quiet, woman!" Lone Prince ordered. "Do you want to give us away?"
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you plan to get us out of here? That door is made out of the toughest metal on planet Screwball, and there aren't any keys-"
"BOOM! CRASH!"
Lone Prince grinned, as he retrieved his foot from the doorway. He had just kicked the door open and the door was dangling on what few hinges it had remaining intact.
"Guess that answers my question," Bulma said breathlessly.
He strutted into the cell and overtook Bulma within a matter of seconds. Then he planted a long, steamy kiss on her lips that made her nearly melt. Chichi Matrix tried to set off her Virgin Alarm, but she was horrified to learn that it was no longer working. Hurl chuckled and snickered.
Tearing his mouth free from Bulma's, Lone Prince ordered, "Let's go!"
Bulma was still in a dreamy haze.
Ten minutes later…
They were nearing the entrance of the Screwball City Prison when suddenly two of the guards that Hurl had used his "chemical warfare technique" on emerged from one of the corridors. They were in their underwear, and both men were doubly embarrassed because one of them was wearing a pair of Barney boxers and the other one was wearing a pair of Teletubbies boxers.
"Hey!" the guard who had first spoken to Lone Prince shouted. "Those two fools stole our uniforms!" (He was the one wearing the Barney boxers.)
The other guard, the one who had been the original owner of Hurl's suit, shouted, "And gassed the crap out of us too!"
"And we'll do it again, if we have to, Teletubbo!" Hurl snickered, referring to the big guard's boxers.
"You're dead, baldy!" the Teletubbie-wearing guard cried, cocking his gun and pointing it at Hurl.
Lone Prince, however, was faster than "Teletubbo", and he fired his gun at the guard first. Both guards fell to the floor to avoid the shots, but soon more guards came running out to fight. Within seconds, prison guards surrounded them.
Hurl groaned, "Lone Prince, I know now is a bad time to say this, but I have to go to the restroom again!" His stomach cramps had returned.
That gave Lone Prince an idea. He shouted to Bulma, "Bulma, can Chichi Matrix smell?"
"No!" Bulma told him.
"Good!" Lone Prince told her. "Then my plan won't affect her. Bulma, cover your mouth and nose and hold your breath."
A confused Bulma followed his orders, and Lone Prince said to Hurl with a grin, "Hurl, give them another dose of chemical warfare!" He then covered his face.
"With pleasure!" Hurl said wickedly, and he took a deep breath and…
"ERRRRRRRRRR!"
Within seconds, the loud foghorn-like sound echoed throughout the corridors, and the smelly fumes from Hurl's body engulfed the area. The guards gagged and fainted at the horrendous odors that had come from Hurl breaking wind. Lone Prince and the others carefully stepped over the fallen bodies.
Covering his face with one hand and taking Bulma's arm with the other, Lone Prince began to run, and Chichi Matrix and Hurl followed him through the corridors. Soon, more guards appeared out of nowhere and began to chase the quartet down the halls.
Hurl shouted to his three comrades, "Go on! I'll stall them!"
"How?" Lone Prince inquired.
Hurl grinned despite his stomach cramps. "Another dose of chemical warfare."
Lone Prince got the message. He ordered Bulma to cover her face again, and he took her arm and Chichi Matrix's arm, and the three ran on ahead of Hurl.
Hurl hastily dashed up to a vent, and his stomach was cramping again, nearly making him fall to his knees. Undaunted, Hurl took another deep breath and once again, he broke wind…only this time, his "chemical warfare" would go throughout much of the prison ward.
"Ahhh!" many of the guards screamed, as the near-toxic fumes entered their noses and mouths, and they all began to drop like flies. Throughout the entire prison ward, guards were fainting everywhere from Hurl's own special version of the Fartz.
Hurl grinned, as he caressed the Fartz ring that Lone Prince had lent him. Hurl's gas problems combined with the pungent power of the Fartz had helped to increase the power of Hurl's timely episodes of flatulence.
Twenty minutes later…
"There's the exit!" Lone Prince shouted.
"Let's hurry!" Bulma cried.
Hurl had caught up with them by then. Chichi Matrix was ahead of the group, and she screamed when she saw the door closing.
"Oh no! We'll be too late!" Chichi Matrix cried.
"Hurry, everyone!" Lone Prince ordered.
The door was about to come down, as it lowered rapidly in the doorway. Lone Prince seized Bulma by her waist and tossed her through the opening, and then he grabbed Chichi Matrix and threw her through the opening as well. Then just as the door was about to hit the floor, Lone Prince and Hurl got down on their knees and crawled quickly through it.
"SLAM!" The door was now closed shut.
Five minutes later…
Unfortunately that door had just closed on their luck as well, for at that moment, Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico came dashing out of another door, followed by an army of troopers.
"Aha!" Captain Zarbon exclaimed. "Now, we've got you! Your foolish escape attempts were all for nothing! Now turn towards us!"
"Yeah!" Porto Rico added with his fist in the air. "Then we're gonna pound you into nothing for defying Dark Horns! And then we're gonna-"
Captain Zarbon smacked him in the back of his head, avoiding his spikes. "I'll do the talking here, Porto!" He then spoke to the four unfortunates who had tried so hard to escape, "So, you fools thought that you could so easily outsmart the best of the best of Dark Horn's forces-"
The four new captives snickered and chuckled, and Captain Zarbon's eyes widened in horror when he saw that they were not who he thought they were.
For one thing, Lone Prince was gobbling down on a turkey leg, and he was a little shorter, but much fatter than before. Grease and drool ran down his chin. Captain Zarbon gasped in horror when he saw that the man wasn't really Lone Prince!
"You morons!" Captain Zarbon yelled to his men and Porto Rico. "You captured their stunt doubles!"
"Lone Prince" belched loudly and said, "Hey, you have any Grey Poupon?"
Porto Rico looked at the false Lone Prince. "Hey I know you-you're Yajirobe! You almost beat me last month in the Intergalactic Pie-Eating Contest!"
"What are you doing here?" Zarbon demanded to know of Yajirobe. "And furthermore, how did you get hired to be Lone Prince's stunt double?"
"Well, actually…BURP! I wasn't 'hired', more like threatened," Yajirobe admitted.
"So were we," the false Bulma said sweetly. She took off her Bulma wig and revealed herself to be Lunch, a girl with darker blue hair than Bulma's.
"I'm too old for stupid things like this…how I ever allowed Lone Prince and Hurl to force me into this, I can't imagine," the fake Hurl grumbled, as he removed his Hurl head mask. Everyone gasped when "Hurl" turned out to be really Piccolo.
"Ugh! Someone help get me outta this thing!" a deep, manly voice within Chichi Matrix wailed, and Piccolo reluctantly yanked off the Chichi Matrix mask off of the stunt double's head. Everyone fell back and nearly fainted when they saw who had been playing Chichi Matrix.
"HERCULE?" everyone exclaimed.
"That's right! I can't believe Sawnya allowed me, the strongest man on Earth, to be put in this position!" Hercule complained. "I'm suing her when this story's over!"
"Sawnya doesn't have anything to sue for," Piccolo told him. "Except for-"
"Her computer and her Beanie Baby collection; we know that already!" everyone in the room exclaimed.
"Well, never mind this," Captain Zarbon sighed. "Everyone, let's get the real Lone Prince and Bulma and, um…whoever those two other people were! Let's go!"
"You all go on ahead without me," Porto Rico said. He grinned and leered at Lunch. "I'm gonna get myself better acquainted with this cutie here." He inched closer to Lunch.
Unfortunately, for Porto Rico, Lunch turned out to be allergic to the dust on Screwball, and she emitted a huge sneeze:
"AH-CHOO!"
"Uh-oh," Piccolo sighed. "Here we go again."
Within seconds, Lunch was her blond, deadly alter ego, and she whipped out an arsenal of guns from nowhere.
"You're dead, you pervs!" she yelled, as she began shooting a machine gun at Porto Rico and the other hapless men. Gunfire exploded and several men were taken down quickly.
"Captain Zarbon, what do we do now?" one of the guards asked.
"What do you think, you idiot?" Captain Zarbon shouted. "RUN!"
Outside of the Screwball City Prison, in front of the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince was struggling with the passenger-side door of the Capsulebago, trying in vain to open it. Meanwhile, more guards came running out the front door, determined to confront Lone Prince and the others. The guards wasted no time in firing lasers at the panicked escapees, and several of them hit the Capsulebago.
"Hey, you idiots!" Lone Prince yelled at the guards. "I still owe over ten thousand spacezeni for this vehicle!"
The guards immediately stopped shooting. "Sorry about that, man!" one of them said.
One of the head guards came running out. "Why did you fools stop shooting?"
"He said he owed money on that vehicle," another one of the guards told him. "Ten-thousand spacezeni, I believe he said."
"I don't care if he owes ten thousand million spacezeni, now shoot!" the guard ordered. "Get rid of him and the others! Start shooting now!"
"Yes, sir!" the guards obeyed him and started shooting again.
"So much for buying time," Lone Prince muttered.
"Well, do you know where the keys are?" Bulma demanded to know.
"Umm…sure, we do," Hurl told her confidently.
"Where?"
"Inside the vehicle," Hurl said proudly.
Bulma slapped her forehead and groaned, and Lone Prince cuffed Hurl for his stupidity.
"I told you to get those keys out before we left!"
"ZIP, ZIP, ZIP! WHIRRR!" The laser guns continued to fire at the panicked foursome, and they tried to dodge the lasers the best that they could.
"We're getting this door open, if Hurl and I have to rip the door off its hinges!" Lone Prince fumed. He tossed his laser gun to Bulma. "Here, woman, you hold them off while we mess with this door!"
Bulma took the gun, but looked at it in distaste. "I hate guns! I'm on every gun-control committee on Droolia! I can't shoot this thing-"
She was interrupted when a laser shot across the tops of both of her breasts. Bulma was horrified at first, but then her horror turned into fury when she saw two scorch marks across the tops of her barely covered bosom, a bosom that had been exposed by the robe she had borrowed from Lone Prince on their last night together.
"My breasts!" she cried. "No one messes with my boobs!" She cocked her gun.
*Except for me,* Lone Prince thought wickedly to himself, but he wisely did not say this thought aloud.
A furious Bulma aimed her gun at the firing guards and began to fire back at them in return. Every shot that she blasted brought a guard down to his knees-literally, since Bulma had aimed for their crotches. Within minutes, all the guards had fallen, and each one of them were clutching at their crotches and crying and wailing.
"Ohhhhhhh!" one guard moaned. "Now my wife's gonna leave me for the cable man for sure!"
"Owwweeee!" another guard sobbed.
Lone Prince and Hurl (who fortunately remembered that he had a spare key and had used it to unlock the door) looked at Bulma in shock with their mouths agape. Lone Prince was both stunned and impressed with Bulma's superb shooting ability.
"Well done, Bulma," Chichi Matrix said approvingly.
Bulma smiled triumphantly.
"I'm impressed, woman," Lone Prince added. "I never knew that you had it in you." He considered himself to be very fortunate to have found a woman such as this.
Bulma smirked and leaned up to kiss Lone Prince squarely on his mouth. Lone Prince grinned, Hurl snickered, and Chichi Matrix grumbled, mourning the loss of the use of her Virgin Alarm. She became suspicious then, wondering if Bulma had given herself to Lone Prince. She glared darkly at Lone Prince, but neither Lone Prince nor Bulma were paying her any mind.
Bulma blew the smoke off of the barrel of her gun after freeing her mouth and continued to smirk.
Capsulebago…
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Hurl, not yet."
Ten minutes passed quickly. "Now are we there yet?"
"No, not yet, Hurl!"
Twenty more minutes went by. "So, are we there now?"
"Hell, no!"
And yet another twenty minutes passed. "Now, are we there yet?"
"Hurl, shut up before I force Sawnya to kill you off early!"
"I'm going to die?"
"If you don't stop bugging me, yes! For the last time, Hurl, you will have to wait until we get to planet Screwball to use the restroom! It's not my fault that you clogged the toilet on our ship the last time that you used it!" Lone Prince fumed.
"I can't help it, Prince, I really have to go!" Hurl cried, clutching his stomach.
"Well, if someone hadn't eaten the last of the jalapeno popcorn chicken without leaving his best friend some, it wouldn't have happened! And did you really have to consume the last of the four-alarm chili as well? Look, you fool, we're landing on Screwball now, right in Screwball City! You can relieve yourself then!"
The Capsulebago began to land in a prime parking spot right in front of the Screwball City Prison, which would have been fine, except that…
"Hey, buddy!" a prison guard, who was dressed in a purple-and-white space cadet uniform with a helmet, yelled. His uniform hid his entire body, so it was impossible to tell what species he was descended from. "You're parked in a handicapped space!"
Lone Prince heard him through the closed window, as he pressed a button to lower the driver's side window. He smirked at the agitated guard. "Handicapped space, eh? Well, we're not breaking any laws. My friend, Hurl, is very much handicapped in the head, if you notice."
Standing up in front of his seat, Hurl was marching up and down nervously like a marching band member on cocaine; his movements were frantic and jerky, for his full bladder added to his agony, which was being increased every second with his crippling stomach cramps. Sweat was racing down his face.
"Hut-two-three-four! Hut-two-three-four!" Hurl panted anxiously, as he continued to march in order to prevent himself from going in his pants.
The guard looked strangely at Hurl and then turned back to Lone Prince. "Hmm…I see what you mean. Very well, I suppose you two belong here; at least your friend does."
"Do you have a public restroom?" Lone Prince inquired.
"Why, yes we do," the guard told him. "But first I want to see some identification. I have to ensure that you two are legally allowed on this planet."
"Ohhhhhh! Someone kill me!" Hurl wailed.
Lone Prince, seeing that Hurl in his agony would be of no use at this moment, decided to reach over and search the glove compartment himself. When he opened the glove compartment, a whole pile of fake identification cards came tumbling out. He gathered up all of the cards, wondering which one would be best to give to the prison guard.
"How many ID's do you have, mister?" the impatient guard demanded to know.
"Enough," Lone Prince told him bluntly, still debating on which one to hand the guard. He knew that he was going to have to think quickly before the guard became suspicious.
"I have got to go!" Hurl cried. "I'm gonna explode!"
"Look, you moron!" Lone Prince shouted to the guard. "My friend here has to use the restroom! Here take this ID!" He hastily handed the guard an ID, not paying attention to which one that he was handing to him.
"Sir," the guard said curtly. "There's a problem with this ID."
"And just what would that be?" Lone Prince asked furiously.
"It's a picture of a woman."
"WHAT?"
"Unless you had a sex change recently, and your name used to be Holelotta Whoamon, this isn't you, mister. You and your gassy buddy there step out of the vehicle with the license and the registration immediately."
Lone Prince yelled at an agonized Hurl, "Hurl, were you entertaining a call girl in our ship again?"
"Yesssss!" Hurl cried, close to tears now, for his stomach felt ready to explode at any moment. "Two months ago!"
The guard pulled out a radio and called for backup. Lone Prince wasn't for sure if the guard intended to have him and Hurl arrested, but he wasn't about to just stand around to find out. He had to think fast. As several guards gathered around the Capsulebago, Lone Prince called out to the guard, "If you and your friends want Hurl and me out of this vehicle, you'll have to come in and get us."
"Fine then!" the guard huffed. "Then we will!"
"I'll unlock the door," Lone Prince promised him, and he did.
"Lone Prince, I'm about to go in my pants!" Hurl screamed, with tears mingling with his sweat.
Lone Prince whispered to Hurl, "I have an idea, and your gas problems just might help…" He whispered his plan into Hurl's ear. Hurl nodded quickly, hoping that this plan would lead him to the restroom soon.
As the door on Hurl's side of the Capsulebago opened, Lone Prince discreetly put on a gas mask that he kept hidden under his seat. "Now," he told Hurl, "we'll be using our own special version…"
The guards came rushing into the Capsulebago…
Hurl took a deep breath…
And before anyone could prevent it, a loud, ripping sound similar to the sound of a whoopee cushion echoed throughout the Capsulebago. A noxious brownish-tinted gas filled the air, and the guards fainted immediately.
"…Of the Fartz," Lone Prince concluded with a chuckle.
"Ahhh!" Hurl sighed in great relief.
"Excellent use of chemical warfare on your part, Hurl," Lone Prince praised.
"Thanks, Prince."
Ten minutes later…
A short guard waited impatiently outside of the men's restroom in the Screwball City Prison. His monkeylike tail waved about idly, as he waited for his friend in the men's restroom to come out. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, a tall, bulky guard, who also had a monkeylike tail, emerged from the men's room. Both men comfortably patted their laser guns that had been stolen from the gassed guards.
"Finally, relief!" Hurl sighed contentedly.
"Good," Lone Prince told him. "Now let's go rescue my woman."
"You really care for her, don't you, Prince?" Hurl asked.
"Hmmph," was all that Lone Prince would say, and Hurl grinned under his helmet. He knew then that his suspicions were correct. If Lone Prince had cared nothing for Bulma, he would have said so immediately.
Lone Prince and Hurl began to walk slowly among the corridors, not wanting to attract attention by running or rushing. Finally, they reached the Royal Prisoners section of the prison ward. The two Saiyans walked faster along the corridor, peeking into every cell.
Hurl peeked into one cell and saw Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy Duck in there. "Hey!" he shouted to the two birds. "What are you two doing here? You two birdbrains aren't royalty!" Lone Prince joined him in looking into the cell.
"We-uh-we know that," Foghorn Leghorn stammered. "But we're about to be served up to Dark Horns and President Screw for dinner, dinner, I tell you, and they had nowhere else to stash us! The prisons are-uh-are-uh full, I tell you! Somethin' to do with all the people protestin' President Screw and Dark Horns wanting to become immortal and rule Screwball forever."
"Will ya help us escape?" Daffy inquired frantically.
"Tell us where Princess Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being stashed," Lone Prince ordered.
"And if we do that, will you help us escape too?" Daffy asked.
"Not if you don't tell us where Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being held right now!"
"They're-uh-they're-uh being held in that durn cell four rooms down the hall from us," Foghorn Leghorn stammered.
"Thanks, birdbrains!" Hurl shouted to Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy, as he and Lone Prince hurried down the hall.
"Hey, what about us?" Daffy screamed.
"Come back! Come back, I tell ya!" Foghorn Leghorn cried
"They're disssss-picable!" Daffy hissed.
Bulma was banging on the door of her prison cell, screaming at the last guard who had just left and now was going down the hall, "I demand a phone call at least! I'm supposed to get at least that much! I want a phone call-and a lawyer-and a new dress! I'm royalty, for crying out loud! Someone get over here at once!"
Lone Prince and Hurl neared the cell, hearing Bulma's ranting. Lone Prince chuckled. "I know that screeching anywhere." He called to Bulma, "Stop screaming, woman, before you break all the windows in this building!"
"Now see here-" Bulma began, as Lone Prince and Hurl stopped at the door of her cell. "If you think that you're going to-"
She was interrupted when Lone Prince took off his helmet. Lone Prince smirked at her.
"Lone Prince!" Bulma cried in happiness. She then screamed to Chichi Matrix, who was in sleep mode, "Chichi! They're here! We're being rescued!" She ran over to the droid to awaken her.
"Quiet, woman!" Lone Prince ordered. "Do you want to give us away?"
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you plan to get us out of here? That door is made out of the toughest metal on planet Screwball, and there aren't any keys-"
"BOOM! CRASH!"
Lone Prince grinned, as he retrieved his foot from the doorway. He had just kicked the door open and the door was dangling on what few hinges it had remaining intact.
"Guess that answers my question," Bulma said breathlessly.
He strutted into the cell and overtook Bulma within a matter of seconds. Then he planted a long, steamy kiss on her lips that made her nearly melt. Chichi Matrix tried to set off her Virgin Alarm, but she was horrified to learn that it was no longer working. Hurl chuckled and snickered.
Tearing his mouth free from Bulma's, Lone Prince ordered, "Let's go!"
Bulma was still in a dreamy haze.
Ten minutes later…
They were nearing the entrance of the Screwball City Prison when suddenly two of the guards that Hurl had used his "chemical warfare technique" on emerged from one of the corridors. They were in their underwear, and both men were doubly embarrassed because one of them was wearing a pair of Barney boxers and the other one was wearing a pair of Teletubbies boxers.
"Hey!" the guard who had first spoken to Lone Prince shouted. "Those two fools stole our uniforms!" (He was the one wearing the Barney boxers.)
The other guard, the one who had been the original owner of Hurl's suit, shouted, "And gassed the crap out of us too!"
"And we'll do it again, if we have to, Teletubbo!" Hurl snickered, referring to the big guard's boxers.
"You're dead, baldy!" the Teletubbie-wearing guard cried, cocking his gun and pointing it at Hurl.
Lone Prince, however, was faster than "Teletubbo", and he fired his gun at the guard first. Both guards fell to the floor to avoid the shots, but soon more guards came running out to fight. Within seconds, prison guards surrounded them.
Hurl groaned, "Lone Prince, I know now is a bad time to say this, but I have to go to the restroom again!" His stomach cramps had returned.
That gave Lone Prince an idea. He shouted to Bulma, "Bulma, can Chichi Matrix smell?"
"No!" Bulma told him.
"Good!" Lone Prince told her. "Then my plan won't affect her. Bulma, cover your mouth and nose and hold your breath."
A confused Bulma followed his orders, and Lone Prince said to Hurl with a grin, "Hurl, give them another dose of chemical warfare!" He then covered his face.
"With pleasure!" Hurl said wickedly, and he took a deep breath and…
"ERRRRRRRRRR!"
Within seconds, the loud foghorn-like sound echoed throughout the corridors, and the smelly fumes from Hurl's body engulfed the area. The guards gagged and fainted at the horrendous odors that had come from Hurl breaking wind. Lone Prince and the others carefully stepped over the fallen bodies.
Covering his face with one hand and taking Bulma's arm with the other, Lone Prince began to run, and Chichi Matrix and Hurl followed him through the corridors. Soon, more guards appeared out of nowhere and began to chase the quartet down the halls.
Hurl shouted to his three comrades, "Go on! I'll stall them!"
"How?" Lone Prince inquired.
Hurl grinned despite his stomach cramps. "Another dose of chemical warfare."
Lone Prince got the message. He ordered Bulma to cover her face again, and he took her arm and Chichi Matrix's arm, and the three ran on ahead of Hurl.
Hurl hastily dashed up to a vent, and his stomach was cramping again, nearly making him fall to his knees. Undaunted, Hurl took another deep breath and once again, he broke wind…only this time, his "chemical warfare" would go throughout much of the prison ward.
"Ahhh!" many of the guards screamed, as the near-toxic fumes entered their noses and mouths, and they all began to drop like flies. Throughout the entire prison ward, guards were fainting everywhere from Hurl's own special version of the Fartz.
Hurl grinned, as he caressed the Fartz ring that Lone Prince had lent him. Hurl's gas problems combined with the pungent power of the Fartz had helped to increase the power of Hurl's timely episodes of flatulence.
Twenty minutes later…
"There's the exit!" Lone Prince shouted.
"Let's hurry!" Bulma cried.
Hurl had caught up with them by then. Chichi Matrix was ahead of the group, and she screamed when she saw the door closing.
"Oh no! We'll be too late!" Chichi Matrix cried.
"Hurry, everyone!" Lone Prince ordered.
The door was about to come down, as it lowered rapidly in the doorway. Lone Prince seized Bulma by her waist and tossed her through the opening, and then he grabbed Chichi Matrix and threw her through the opening as well. Then just as the door was about to hit the floor, Lone Prince and Hurl got down on their knees and crawled quickly through it.
"SLAM!" The door was now closed shut.
Five minutes later…
Unfortunately that door had just closed on their luck as well, for at that moment, Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico came dashing out of another door, followed by an army of troopers.
"Aha!" Captain Zarbon exclaimed. "Now, we've got you! Your foolish escape attempts were all for nothing! Now turn towards us!"
"Yeah!" Porto Rico added with his fist in the air. "Then we're gonna pound you into nothing for defying Dark Horns! And then we're gonna-"
Captain Zarbon smacked him in the back of his head, avoiding his spikes. "I'll do the talking here, Porto!" He then spoke to the four unfortunates who had tried so hard to escape, "So, you fools thought that you could so easily outsmart the best of the best of Dark Horn's forces-"
The four new captives snickered and chuckled, and Captain Zarbon's eyes widened in horror when he saw that they were not who he thought they were.
For one thing, Lone Prince was gobbling down on a turkey leg, and he was a little shorter, but much fatter than before. Grease and drool ran down his chin. Captain Zarbon gasped in horror when he saw that the man wasn't really Lone Prince!
"You morons!" Captain Zarbon yelled to his men and Porto Rico. "You captured their stunt doubles!"
"Lone Prince" belched loudly and said, "Hey, you have any Grey Poupon?"
Porto Rico looked at the false Lone Prince. "Hey I know you-you're Yajirobe! You almost beat me last month in the Intergalactic Pie-Eating Contest!"
"What are you doing here?" Zarbon demanded to know of Yajirobe. "And furthermore, how did you get hired to be Lone Prince's stunt double?"
"Well, actually…BURP! I wasn't 'hired', more like threatened," Yajirobe admitted.
"So were we," the false Bulma said sweetly. She took off her Bulma wig and revealed herself to be Lunch, a girl with darker blue hair than Bulma's.
"I'm too old for stupid things like this…how I ever allowed Lone Prince and Hurl to force me into this, I can't imagine," the fake Hurl grumbled, as he removed his Hurl head mask. Everyone gasped when "Hurl" turned out to be really Piccolo.
"Ugh! Someone help get me outta this thing!" a deep, manly voice within Chichi Matrix wailed, and Piccolo reluctantly yanked off the Chichi Matrix mask off of the stunt double's head. Everyone fell back and nearly fainted when they saw who had been playing Chichi Matrix.
"HERCULE?" everyone exclaimed.
"That's right! I can't believe Sawnya allowed me, the strongest man on Earth, to be put in this position!" Hercule complained. "I'm suing her when this story's over!"
"Sawnya doesn't have anything to sue for," Piccolo told him. "Except for-"
"Her computer and her Beanie Baby collection; we know that already!" everyone in the room exclaimed.
"Well, never mind this," Captain Zarbon sighed. "Everyone, let's get the real Lone Prince and Bulma and, um…whoever those two other people were! Let's go!"
"You all go on ahead without me," Porto Rico said. He grinned and leered at Lunch. "I'm gonna get myself better acquainted with this cutie here." He inched closer to Lunch.
Unfortunately, for Porto Rico, Lunch turned out to be allergic to the dust on Screwball, and she emitted a huge sneeze:
"AH-CHOO!"
"Uh-oh," Piccolo sighed. "Here we go again."
Within seconds, Lunch was her blond, deadly alter ego, and she whipped out an arsenal of guns from nowhere.
"You're dead, you pervs!" she yelled, as she began shooting a machine gun at Porto Rico and the other hapless men. Gunfire exploded and several men were taken down quickly.
"Captain Zarbon, what do we do now?" one of the guards asked.
"What do you think, you idiot?" Captain Zarbon shouted. "RUN!"
Outside of the Screwball City Prison, in front of the Capsulebago…
Lone Prince was struggling with the passenger-side door of the Capsulebago, trying in vain to open it. Meanwhile, more guards came running out the front door, determined to confront Lone Prince and the others. The guards wasted no time in firing lasers at the panicked escapees, and several of them hit the Capsulebago.
"Hey, you idiots!" Lone Prince yelled at the guards. "I still owe over ten thousand spacezeni for this vehicle!"
The guards immediately stopped shooting. "Sorry about that, man!" one of them said.
One of the head guards came running out. "Why did you fools stop shooting?"
"He said he owed money on that vehicle," another one of the guards told him. "Ten-thousand spacezeni, I believe he said."
"I don't care if he owes ten thousand million spacezeni, now shoot!" the guard ordered. "Get rid of him and the others! Start shooting now!"
"Yes, sir!" the guards obeyed him and started shooting again.
"So much for buying time," Lone Prince muttered.
"Well, do you know where the keys are?" Bulma demanded to know.
"Umm…sure, we do," Hurl told her confidently.
"Where?"
"Inside the vehicle," Hurl said proudly.
Bulma slapped her forehead and groaned, and Lone Prince cuffed Hurl for his stupidity.
"I told you to get those keys out before we left!"
"ZIP, ZIP, ZIP! WHIRRR!" The laser guns continued to fire at the panicked foursome, and they tried to dodge the lasers the best that they could.
"We're getting this door open, if Hurl and I have to rip the door off its hinges!" Lone Prince fumed. He tossed his laser gun to Bulma. "Here, woman, you hold them off while we mess with this door!"
Bulma took the gun, but looked at it in distaste. "I hate guns! I'm on every gun-control committee on Droolia! I can't shoot this thing-"
She was interrupted when a laser shot across the tops of both of her breasts. Bulma was horrified at first, but then her horror turned into fury when she saw two scorch marks across the tops of her barely covered bosom, a bosom that had been exposed by the robe she had borrowed from Lone Prince on their last night together.
"My breasts!" she cried. "No one messes with my boobs!" She cocked her gun.
*Except for me,* Lone Prince thought wickedly to himself, but he wisely did not say this thought aloud.
A furious Bulma aimed her gun at the firing guards and began to fire back at them in return. Every shot that she blasted brought a guard down to his knees-literally, since Bulma had aimed for their crotches. Within minutes, all the guards had fallen, and each one of them were clutching at their crotches and crying and wailing.
"Ohhhhhhh!" one guard moaned. "Now my wife's gonna leave me for the cable man for sure!"
"Owwweeee!" another guard sobbed.
Lone Prince and Hurl (who fortunately remembered that he had a spare key and had used it to unlock the door) looked at Bulma in shock with their mouths agape. Lone Prince was both stunned and impressed with Bulma's superb shooting ability.
"Well done, Bulma," Chichi Matrix said approvingly.
Bulma smiled triumphantly.
"I'm impressed, woman," Lone Prince added. "I never knew that you had it in you." He considered himself to be very fortunate to have found a woman such as this.
Bulma smirked and leaned up to kiss Lone Prince squarely on his mouth. Lone Prince grinned, Hurl snickered, and Chichi Matrix grumbled, mourning the loss of the use of her Virgin Alarm. She became suspicious then, wondering if Bulma had given herself to Lone Prince. She glared darkly at Lone Prince, but neither Lone Prince nor Bulma were paying her any mind.
Bulma blew the smoke off of the barrel of her gun after freeing her mouth and continued to smirk.