Chapter 2

'first day'

I'm looking at you through the glass

Don't know how much time has passed

Oh God, it feels like forever

But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home

Sitting all alone inside your head

"Touya-kun?  Touya-kun, are you up?"  My eyes fluttered open at the insistent rapping on the door.  "Come on, it's your first day for school.  Wake up."

"I'm up, I'm up," I answered grouchily.  "Quit banging on the door, already."

"I wouldn't have to if you didn't insist on locking it."

I didn't bother to reply, turning off the stereo and rubbing my eyes sleepily.  Of course I had to lock my door.  Otherwise there was no way to keep out the monster.  She'd never leave me alone.

"I have to make breakfast," Dad continued out in the hallway.  "Could you do me a favor and make sure your sister gets up and dressed?"

He didn't wait for a reply, and I could hear his footsteps thudding down the stairs. 

"Actually," I said to the now-empty hallway, "I've got to shower and get dressed, so I'd really appreciate it if you just did that yourself.  I have enough to worry about without bothering with her as well."

But of course it was no use; he was gone.  I groaned and stomped down the hall, banging viciously on Sakura's door on my way to the bathroom. 

"Hey!  Wake up in there, short stuff.  Time to get ready."

I didn't stick around, but dove into the bathroom and turned on the shower.  Something had just occurred to my still-awakening mind, a notion that I did not particularly like.  Dad was starting his first day at his new job today, and would have to be going soon himself.  He was very likely going to ask me to take Sakura to her school.

I made a face as I scrubbed my scalp with shampoo.  On my first day at school, that was the last thing I needed.  Maybe if I dressed and ate fast enough, I could slip out the door before he'd have a chance to ask.

With that thought in mind, I hurriedly finished showering and almost ran back to my room to dress.  I was pushing my knees under the table before she'd even emerged from her room.

"Where's your sister?"

"I dunno.  Getting dressed, I assume."

"She needs to hurry, or she'll be late."

"Indeed," I agreed, taking a gulp of juice.  "Thanks, Dad, that was delicious.  I'm off to class."

"Wait just a minute, Touya-kun.  There's no need to rush."

"Sure there is.  I want to check out the building, figure out where everything is.  I hate asking for directions, you know that."

I hovered impatiently by the door, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Touya-kun, it would be a great help if you took your sister to her school.  I know it's close to yours, and I'm nervous about her going alone."

Damn.  My shoulders slumped and I leaned against the wall.

"Why do I have to do it?  Can't you take her?"

"Touya-kun, I've got to drive to the university.  This makes more sense.  I want you to walk her to school so she won't get lost."

It did make sense, that was what was so annoying about it.  I eyed with distaste the girl in the sailor suit skipping down the stairs. 

I can't do anything in my life without her tagging along, it seems.  Even starting a new school. 

"Hurry up, squirt, you're going to make me late."  She glared at me in between gulping her breakfast.

"Don't call me that!  I'm going as fast as I can."

"Well, it's not fast enough.  I'll be waiting outside.  If you're not there in five minutes, I'm leaving without you."  I didn't wait for Dad to say anything, but opened the door and left the house.  Sakura wasn't the only thing I wanted to avoid that morning.  I was afraid he was going to give me a –

"Touya-kun."

Oh no.  He'd come out onto the front porch, and that serious look was in his eyes.

"Yeah?"  The morning sunlight was bright, and I put on my Raybans.

"Today's your first day."

"You noticed that too, did you?"

"It's a new school, you've got a chance to do things right this time.  I'd really - "

"Appreciate it, I know," I interrupted.  "If I sit down, shut up, and do whatever they tell me to do."

"That wasn't what I was going to say," he said gently.  "Although yes, I would.  I'd really like it if you were happy here.  I want you to be happy."

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that, but Sakura broke the mood by barreling out the front door.

"-kay!" she yipped.  "I'm ready to go, Nii-chan, Nii-chan, let's go, let's go, let's go!"  She was so excited about her new school that she was almost sparkling.  Dad gave her a fond smile, and patted her on the head.

"Have a good day, sweetie.  I'll want to hear all about it tonight at dinner."

She nodded enthusiastically, then grabbed my hand to pull me out the gate.

"Come on, Onii-chan, what are you waiting for?  Let's go!"

"Let go of my hand."

"But Onii-chan - "

"We're not holding hands," I said firmly, and extricated myself from her grip.  "Little monster."

"Onii-chan!"  She brought her foot down hard on mine, and I grunted.  There.  That was better.  I grinned and turned my back on the house and Dad and began searching for my headphones.  I wasn't supposed to take music to school, but what he didn't know, didn't hurt him.  I put them on as soon as we'd turned the corner and were out of sight.

The cherry trees were everywhere on this road.  They'd been planted in rows lining the sidewalks, and were frothing with beautiful pink petals.  Sakura danced around me, holding up her hands and cooing with delight.  She loved them as much as Mom did, and it was uncanny how like her she could look at times.  The same green eyes, the same sparkle, the same animation.  It hurt to watch, and I kept my eyes on the sidewalk.

I knew she was talking to me, but the words were indistinguishable over the sounds of Guns n'Roses and I ignored her for the rest of the walk. 

It wasn't a long walk, fortunately, and soon I spotted her school rooftops over the houses.  This was where that clock tower was; it was part of the elementary school. 

"Here you are," I announced, pulling down the headphones.  "Tomoeda Elementary."

"It looks so pretty!"

"Whatever."  I pointed toward the front doors.  "Look, if you go in there you'll find the administration office.  Dad registered you and they're expecting you. They'll take you to your class, okay?"

"Okay!"  She began to bound away, and I had to snag her by the material of her shirt.

"Hold on, pistol.  About this afternoon – my school is just across the street.  I'll come by to pick you up, so just wait by that statue in the courtyard.  And don't talk to any strangers.  Don't go running off anywhere.  You got all that?"

"I know," she said impatiently, then gave me an impetuous hug around my waist.  Inexplicably, I felt a slight rush of blood to my face, and pulled her off.

"Don't do that in public.  Now go on, or you'll make me late."

"Have a good day, Onii-chan!"  And then she was off, sprinting towards the entrance, as if she'd been going there all her life and had a crowd of friends waiting to greet her.  She was good at stuff like that.

I shrugged and continued on my way to Tomoeda Junior High.  My new school, and I looked it over with not a little loathing.  Schools were all the same.  Teachers always talk about how they wanted their students to learn, but I knew it wasn't true.  My grades were perfect, and they hated me.  I didn't fit in.  I ignored them in class and refused to cooperate with the other students.  They wanted to label me a backwards student but they couldn't, thanks to my flawless performance on exams.  It irritated them no end, and I knew it wouldn't be any different here. 

I was stomping across the driveway when a loud roar cut through my thoughts.  Someone showing off on their moped wasn't paying attention, and was headed right for me and the girl in front of me.  Without thinking, I reached forward and yanked her out of his path, pulling her back towards me.

She yelped with surprise, then straightened and turned around, her chest heaving.

"Oh…thank you!  I didn't even see him coming."

"You all right?"

I flicked a disinterested gaze over her; she seemed fine.  Her blouse was rumpled, and she smoothed it carefully, combing her thick curly hair back behind her ears.  She was getting that look in her eyes, and inwardly I groaned as I saw her smile blossom.

"I'm fine," she purred.  "My hero.  I don't believe I've seen you here.  New?"

"Yeah."  I turned away and pulled my headphones back on again.  "Later."

"My name's - "  Her voice was lost in the wail of Axle Rose as I turned up the volume. 

"…live and let die!" he screamed, and I heartily agreed.  Stupid.  I should have just let the guy hit her.  With any luck, she wouldn't be in any of my classes and I could forget about her.

A prickly feeling made me look up, and I saw that she wasn't the only one watching me walk away.  A guy about my age was standing by the steps, glaring at me.  He crossed his beefy arms and scowled.  I returned the favor, then strode into the school to find the head office.

Fresh start, Dad?  Yeah right.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I checked the little slip again, but there was no mistake.  Locker #52, and yet, it wasn't opening.

"Three to the right," I read carefully, "two to the left, and then seven to the right again."

Still it refused to open, and I blew my bangs out of my eyes in frustration.  They must have given me the wrong combination.

"Relax," someone said cheerfully.  A guy shutting his locker next to mine shot me what looked like a perpetual grin.  "Trust me, it's the right combination.  You just don't know the system yet."

"Excuse me?"

"The system.  Here, let me show you.  You have to do the combination twice before the locker will open.  Then, on the second time, you have to hit the door just below the knob, like this."  He demonstrated, giving a sharp rap on the metal door before pushing on the latch.  Sure enough, it opened.  "All part of the educational experience here at Tomoeda Junior High.  First lesson: how to let along in life with equipment that lets you down."

"Uh-huh."  I eyed him cynically as he chuckled at his own joke.  "You're the class clown.  Aren't you?"

"How'd you guess?"  He extended his hand.  "Call me Aki."

"Kinomoto."

"When did you get here?"

"Just yesterday."

"Eighth?"

"Yeah."

"Me too.  Need any help finding your classes in this maze?"

"I'll manage."  I threw my books in my locker and slammed it shut.  "This school's smaller than my old one."

"Where's that?"

"Tokyo."

"That must have been nice."  He smiled wistfully.  "More exciting than the suburbs, anyway.  Nothing ever happens out here."

"I think that's the plan," I muttered under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."  He was about to ask something else when someone slammed into me.  My books flew out of my arms and thudded on the linoleum floor of the hallway.  The side of meat that had been glaring at me outside continued walking, looking over his shoulder with a dark and threatening expression.

I held his stare until he looked away and disappeared into the crowd. 

"Whoa," Aki breathed, handing me my books.  "If looks could kill.  What did you do?"

I shrugged.

"Who is he?"

"Who is he?" Aki repeated in disbelief.  "Only Ryu Migake, that's who.  Steer clear of him.  He holds grudges, and doesn't let anybody get in his way in this school.  He owns it."
"Good for him."  I took my books and glanced at the crumpled schedule in my hand.  "But I didn't do anything to him."

"Are you sure?"

"I just got here this morning!"

"All right."  Aki raised his hands and smiled.  "If you say so.  But that was a pretty nasty look he shot you.  Be careful."

Like hell I'd be careful.  That Ryu could just stay out of my way.  I had other things to worry about.

"Where's this grammar class?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Morning classes crawled by, and finally it was time for lunch.  As boring as Tomoeda was, at least it was cleaner here, and I inhaled the non-polluted air gratefully as I slouched on a picnic table bench and opened up the box Dad had packed.  There was a note tucked into the wrapping, and I pulled it out.

"Good luck," it read.  "Make me proud."

"Don't you ever give up?" I muttered, and crumpled up the note to throw it in the trash can.

"Love note?" someone inquired, and I looked up to see the brunette from this morning sliding into the seat across from me.  She dimpled flirtatiously and leaned forward, displaying her chest to its best advantage.

"Not likely," I said stiffly, and concentrated on eating.

"I didn't get a chance to introduce myself this morning.  My name's Kei Makimoto.  You can call me Kei."

She paused, waiting for my name, while I swallowed.  After a moment's silence, she tried again.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Kinomoto."  I didn't bother to give her my first name, but it didn't deter her.  Instead she giggled.

"How cute.  Moto and moto.  We match."

I stared at my food, ignoring her, and finally she gave up. 

"Well, welcome to Tomoeda, hero.  I'll see you around."  She winked and got up.  Aki had been standing a few paces away with raised eyebrows, and as soon as she left, he hurried to fill her spot.  He gave a short whistle.

"Kinomoto, you must want to die.  What in hell were you talking to her for?"

"I wasn't.  She was talking to me."

"Believe me, he won't see the difference."

"Who?"

"Migake, of course.  Don't you know that Kei, beauty queen and princess of Tomoeda, is his girlfriend?"

Ah, that explains the dark looks.  I chuckled.

"Laughing in the face of death.  That's very heroic, Kinomoto.  I admire you."

"As if I'd ever go near her voluntarily.  Someone should tell him I'm not interested in his property."

"It'd be a waste of breath.  Ryu gets kind of possessive about her.  She knows it, and she likes to flirt with other guys, just to see what he'll do.  Kei is trouble."

"I could have told you that after I met her."  I finished my lunch and tossed it in the trash can.  "I feel like walking.  See you later." 

I could feel his worried gaze on me as I shouldered my bag and left the courtyard.  I really wasn't sure why I needed to get out of there, but I felt an overwhelming claustrophobia in the middle of the spacious yard, and a sense of suffocation.  Already these stupid nets of social gossip were threatening to close in around me, and I'd only just arrived.

I felt frustration welling up as I reviewed my situation.  It just wasn't fair.

Stomping along the empty corridors, I caught sight of an interesting name plate on one office, and knocked.

"Come in."  I pushed open the door to see a jovial looking individual reclining his chair.  His hair was starting to gray at the temples, but his eyes twinkled merrily with youth and vigor.  "What can I do for you?"

"My name is Kinomoto Touya."  I gave a slight bow.  "I know the season's already started, but I just moved here today.  Is there any chance that I can try out for the football team?"

"You play at your old school?"

"Starting right forward, sir."  His bushy eyebrows went up slightly and he picked up a sheet of paper. 

"Well, of course, all of our positions are long since filled, but I suppose we could always use a backup.  Why don't you suit up and come to practice this week?  Every Friday afternoon after class.  We'll see what you got."

"Thank you, sir."  I bowed respectfully again and left the office, almost smiling.  I should have thought to look for this man as soon as I got here.  Feeling better, I strode down the empty hallways toward where I thought my next class was. 

"Hey!"

I half-turned at the shout behind me and got a fist to the face for it.  Only an instinctive duck saved my nose from being bloodied, and as it was I could feel a throbbing on my jaw.  A bruise was bound to develop.

"Who do you think you are!" Ryu shouted again and swung.  I darted to the side and trapped his wrist, slamming his forehead into the wall of lockers behind me.

"You get one hit," I growled, then released him and backed away.  "No more freebies."

He rubbed his head and lunged for me again.  This guy was slow, his movements sloppy and relying on brute strength.  It was easy to sidestep him and yank on his wrist.  He went sprawling across the floor.

"Karate," I explained.  "Just made black before we moved here.  Dad lets me do it because he hopes that I'll drain off all my violent energy there.  Poor fool."

Ryu jumped to his feet and shot me a malevolent glare.

"You're a smart-ass, aren't you?" he growled, and I shrugged.  "I could tell just by looking at you.  You're new, so I'll cut you a break this time."  He backed away, and I tried to hide a smile.  I hadn't been quite the easy conquest he'd thought I'd be.  "But I better not catch you sniffing around my girl again."

"I wouldn't lose sleep over it, if I were you."

"Shut up.  And you better not even think about moving in on the football team.  I just made varsity forward, and I don't want to spend the season having to play with a loser."

I checked my watch.  Lunch would be over soon, and I needed to find my next class.

"Is that all?"

"Watch your step, Kinomoto.  Don't get in my way."

"Don't get in mine."

He looked aghast that I had issued such a challenge, but before he could say anything the bell rang and a flood of students converged into the hallway.  I raised my eyebrows slightly, giving him a mocking look, then turned to join the herd.  I knew it was stupid to get involved with this idiot, it wasn't as if he had anything I wanted, but I couldn't help it.  He was challenging my pride.  I can be so stubborn that way.

- - - - - - - - - - -

The afternoon schedule consisted only of two classes and study hall, and was even shorter than the morning.  I left the library and found my way to the last one of the day, math.  My favorite.  I had a sense of anticipation when I opened the door, but my enthusiasm was slightly dimmed by the sight of the teacher.  Ancient and withered, she sat slumped behind her desk and glared at the assembling students.  It didn't look as if she'd ever smiled in her life.

"Don't worry," hissed Aki as I slid into the seat next to his.  "Divine interference has spared us from the crone this trimester.  Algebra is being taught by a student teacher."

"Any good?"

"She's amazing.  Wait until you see her.  She's - "

But whatever he was about to vouchsafe was interrupted by the door sliding open once more.  All the male students in the room straightened their backs, goofy smiles spreading across their faces.  Even the girls perked up a little, evidence of how popular she must be.  Curiously I glanced over to the doorway and froze.  This was the absolute last thing I'd expected.

It was her.  Even out of the moonlight and under the harsh lights of the classroom, there could be no mistaking.  I was so surprised that it was a moment before I noticed she was staring at me every bit as much as I was staring at her.

Like a warm cinnamon brown, part of my brain decided.  That's what color her eyes are.  They're gentle and wise but good-humored too.

Then I shook my head and broke eye contact.  Good-humored?  Cinnamon brown?  Where did all that come from?

With the staring contest finished, she smiled again and walked to the front of the room, her long coppery hair swishing slightly with every step.

"Good afternoon, students," she said sweetly, her velvety voice floating over the heads of the class.  Everyone murmured a response.  "I hope you all had a good weekend.  Please open your books to page 16, and we will begin a discussion on variables within fractions."

She picked up a piece of chalk and then looked at me again, those eyes twinkling with delight.  She seemed so pleased with herself, not even minding the bewilderment written across my face.

She knew.  That one thought coursed through my mind as she began to write an equation across the blackboard, speaking in a language that I couldn't even begin to understand just then.  There were no sounds, only the sight of her face.

She knew.  She knew she would see me today?  How?  Who is she?  How did she know those things about me?

"Hey," someone said, tugging on my sleeve.

"Wha…what?"

"Class is over, Kinomoto.  Something tells me that you didn't hear the assignment she gave, so here it is."  Aki grinned and scribbled the page numbers across my empty notebook.  "It's not healthy to succumb to lovestruck fantasies during algebra, by the way, your grades will take a dive.  Take it from someone who knows."

"Lovestruck?" I repeated, forcing disdain into my voice.  "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh."

"I was just – I…"  She was leaving the classroom now, gathering up her books and smiling at me before slipping out the door with the rest of the students.  "I mean, who is she?  What's her name?"

"Mizuki-sensei," Aki intoned dreamily.  "Took me a little digging to find out her first name.  It's Kaho."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was so dazed after that that I almost forgot to swing by the elementary school and collect Sakura.  She was sitting on the base of the statue in the courtyard, holding hands with some dark-haired girl and chatting as if they'd been best friends all their lives.

I gave a short whistle. 

"Squirt, let's move.  I got homework to do."  She scowled slightly at the use of one of my nicknames, then she said goodbye to the other girl and disengaged. 

"Coming, Onii-chan!"  She skipped over and greeted with me with another exuberant hug.  "I had the best first day!  Did you have a good day too?"

"It was… interesting."

"Everybody's so nice in my class," she raved, as we started walking.  "I had lunch with all my new friends.  There's Rika-chan, and Naoko-chan, and…"

I filtered her out as we walked along the rows of cherry trees.  How did she know?  Who was she?  Was she someone like me?  I'd never thought that anyone else could do what I could.  I'd never even considered the possibility.

"…and she didn't have an eraser, so I lent her mine, and I think we're going to be really good friends…"

But it was more than that.  It was the way that I was looking at her.  I don't look at girls that way, I haven't in a long time.  They're never anything but trouble, like Kei.  I don't look at girls trying to describe the color of their eyes or noticing what their hair does when they walk.

"…plus there's a cheerleading club that I can join!  I'm going to learn how to twirl the baton, and I'll get to learn dance routines and everything!  Well, I'm not old enough yet, but I will be next year and then…"

She has some kind of ability too, I reasoned, and that's why I'm noticing her.  It's not actually physical attraction.  It's just a meeting of kindred souls.  That's all.  I mean, she's probably way too old for me anyway.  I'm only fourteen, and she's… well, probably too old.  Why am I even thinking about that?

"You'll come, won't you?"

"Huh?"  I was startled by a sharp tug on my hand, and looked down into my sister's pleading eyes.  "When I get to be a cheerleader, and I get to dance, you'll come and watch right?"

"Uh, sure."

"Goody!" she declared, and jumped up and down a couple of times.  It was only then that I realized I'd been letting her hold onto my hand for the entire walk.  She was clutching onto it tightly, her soft baby skin rubbing against mine as she squeezed it happily. 

Oh no…no, this wouldn't do.  My throat went dry and I disentangled myself from her grip. 

"Stop yanking on my hand like that," I admonished, and then looked away from her hurt expression.  "Come on, we're home.  Run on inside and get changed.  I suspect Dad will have left a note putting me in charge of dinner."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

My suspicion proved correct, and I was almost done when he finally returned later that evening. 

"Hey Dad."

"Touya-kun, how was school?  Did you like your classes?"

"It's school.  I have to go.  So what does it matter?"

His smile slipped a little, but then Sakura dashed into the room.

"Daddy!" she squealed, and leapt into his arms.  He grunted, but managed to swing her around once before setting her back down onto the ground. 

"You're getting too big to do that, sweetie.  Did you like your classes?"

"I loved them!  I have the best school!  Everybody's so nice and I'm going to be friends with everybody!"

Her cheer was unrelenting.  I rolled my eyes as I set out the plates, and caught him looking at me while she jabbered.  He looked away again, quickly, but I punched the cupboard door anyway. 

Why can't you be more like your sister, his eyes were always asking.  Why can't you just snap out of it?

Because I can't 'just snap out of it', Dad.  It's been four years, and it's obvious that I'm never going back.  Would you just accept it and leave me alone?

I banged the main dish down in the center of the table and he winced a little. 

"Are you hungry, Sakura-san?"

"Oh yes!"

"Then let's eat.  You can tell me more about your new friends."

I spent dinner staring at my plate, listening to Sakura's chatter and Dad's patient questions.  He hadn't even thanked me for bringing her home, not to mention making dinner.  Why did I even bother?

"Did they give you a lot of homework?"

"Yeah.  Some."  She moped, then brightened.  "But not too much.  Just a paragraph to write and five math problems.  Will you help me do them?"

"Well, I really need to put together the notes for my lecture tomorrow, but I'm sure Touya-kun would be happy to help you.  Math is his favorite subject, isn't that right?"

"Was until today," I murmured.

"What?"

"I've got work to do too, Dad."  I looked up.  "Can't she do it on her own?"

Sakura bit her lip and gave me a hopeful look, and Dad frowned slightly.

"What's that on your face, Touya-kun?"

"What?"  I was puzzled for a moment, then I put a hand to my cheek and remembered the new bruise.  "Uh, it's nothing.  Just an accident."

I couldn't quite meet his eyes and looked back down to the table.  When he spoke again, his voice was strained and terse.

"Sakura-san, would you run upstairs and start your bath please?"

"But what about - "

"You can have dessert in your pajamas, I promise.  Run along."

"Okay."  Even she seemed slightly dampened by the change in atmosphere, and gratefully hurried up the stairs.  Dad waited until she was out of earshot.

"It's happening again, isn't it?"

"Dad, don't overreact - "

"Not even a day, Touya-kun.  Not even one day!  You just couldn't wait to get into another fight, could you?"  He pushed away from the table and began to pace.

"The other guy started it, I swear.  Dad, I didn't want to." 

"Right.  Just like all those other fights that the other guys started back in Tokyo.  None of those were your fault either."

"Well, maybe I started some, but - "

"I asked you, Touya-kun.  I asked you to please keep your head and try your hardest in this new town.  You said you'd try!"

"No, you said that.  I didn't say a thing."  I stood up, starting to feel a little angry myself.  Maybe I could have pressed harder that I really didn't start this one, but what did it matter?  He wouldn't believe me anyway.  He had no reason to.  "This was your move, your new job, your new beginning.  You babied it like it would change everything in our lives, when you knew damn well it wouldn't.  I'm not going to start skipping and singing all over the place just because we're in the suburbs now.  Would you face reality and understand that?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" Dad pleaded.  "I am trying so hard to be there for her, and I depend on you for your help.  How can I ask you to look after Sakura when I can't even trust you to keep yourself in check?"

"Since when are we talking about Sakura?" I almost shouted, and he motioned at me to keep my voice down.  "That's all it's about, isn't it?  Don't disturb Sakura, don't get mad at Sakura, take care of Sakura, make sure Sakura's all right!  Why is she the important one?  What about me?  Doesn't it ever occur to you that I might want to do something other with my life than look after her?"

Dad pressed his lips together and waited before replying.

"She's so little, Touya-kun.  And she doesn't have a mother.  She needs someone.  She looks up to you, and I can't have her looking up to you when you're starting fights all over school."

Did I have to point out to him that I didn't have a mother either?

"I didn't ask for her to look up to me.  I didn't ask for a little sister to follow me everywhere and hang on my every word.  Why should I have to be the responsible one?"

"Because you're the oldest.  It's your duty."

"Screw that," I snapped.  "I'm not going to obsess about my actions because it might set a bad example.  It's my life, and I'll live it how I damn well please."

"I won't let you," he said coldly.  "I will not let you set a bad example for her, when she's at such a delicate phase. I can't do this all alone.  I need you to be there for her."

"I don't want to!"

He was silent for a moment, and I almost regretted my words.  He looked as though I'd just hit him.

"She needs you, Touya-kun.  I would have thought you'd be glad to help, if you loved her.  Don't you love her?"  I swallowed and didn't speak, and the silence grew heavy after a while.  Finally he looked away.  "Go to your room, Touya-kun."

"Excuse me?"  I hadn't heard him say something like that since I a kid.

"I can't look at you right now, just please go.  I'll wash up."

He actually couldn't look me in the face.  I felt a flush of guilt at my actions, but it was impossible to say I was sorry.  I could never explain it to him.

Uncertainly I took a step backwards, then plodded up the stairs.  My hand was on the doorknob when I paused.  My bare and empty room was not the refuge I needed.

I opened the door and then slammed it hard, without entering.  I could still hear my sister splashing in the bathroom, singing tunelessly, blissfully unaware of the words exchanged below.  I'd only been in her bedroom once, but I remembered that she was the one that had a tree reaching up to the window.  I crept down the hallway and into her room.  It was narrower but longer than mine, with windows on both corners.  A bench cushion that was piled high with her stuffed animals stood under the west window, and I stood on it in my socks to pull at the glass.  I would have to climb down in just them, but I could get my shoes from the front porch if I was really quiet.  I couldn't believe that I was actually having to sneak out of the house at fourteen, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  And so I reached out to grasp the nearest limb and swung down.

- - - - - - - - - - -

She was there when I finally arrived, dressed in a kimono and sweeping the ground just before the huge old cherry tree.  Once again she seemed utterly unsurprised to see me when I got there, just looked up and nodded.

Only now that I was there, I wasn't really sure what to say.

"You're the student teacher for my class," I began dumbly.  "That's why you said you'd see me."

It wasn't what I wanted to say, and somehow she knew it.  She helped me by prodding along the conversation.

"I had no way of knowing you would be in my particular class."

My heart thudded a little more loudly in my chest.

"Then…how?"  She gave a tiny shrug.

"Just a feeling."

A feeling.  Like the ones that I got?  Who was this woman?

"I'm so glad you're here now," she spoke up, interrupting my thoughts.  "I think we'll become good friends."

She extended her hand, but I hesitated.  So many things were happening in my life right now; everything was spinning out of control.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, an alarm was warning me that this was going to be just one more thing to worry about.

"Is that a 'feeling' too?" I asked suspiciously, but she just smiled innocently.

"No.  More like wishful thinking."

That threw me for a loop, and after another heartbeat of indecision I took her hand and shook it.

I was standing face to face with her.  She hadn't looked especially short standing before the class, but at fourteen I could look her easily in the eye.  Was I really that tall?  How old was she?  Who was she? 

"There's a lot of things I want to ask you."

"Yes, I'm sure.  Would you hold this dustpan for me?"

"Huh?"  She was crouching and picking up a wooden pan, holding it out towards me. 

"I need to sweep.  The Shrine is my responsibility to keep clean, and I must make sure to do the job properly.  It helps to have another pair of hands."

"Oh."  I knelt on the ground and watched her sweep the scattered petals and leaves into the dustpan.  "Does it always take you this late into the night?  The sun's already down and everything."

"Mm-hmm.  Sometimes, very late, depending on the day.  People leave trash sometimes, and that takes extra effort."

"But you're training to be a teacher.  Why are you doing this?"

"I'm the only daughter.  It is my duty."

I looked up sharply at that, but she just smiled and indicated for me to move the dustpan slightly. 

"Every day?"

"Every day."

"Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"Sometimes.  It's not very much fun, when you're alone.  But sometimes someone will come along, and then it can be pleasant.  You never know who you will meet in a shrine like this."

Like me, for instance.  But I had the feeling she was saying more than she was saying.

"But you have to do it.  You have no choice."

"Well, when you come right down to it, everyone has a choice about everything they do in life, except who they're born to.  I could refuse, I suppose.  But deep down, I really don't want to.  I took on the responsibility, and now that I've started, I can't just stop.  I like caring for the shrine.  It's almost as if it were my child.  Just dump them over there in that bin, please."

"Right."  Obediently I crossed over to the little stand, now closed, and dumped the leavings into the bin by the corner.  When I turned around, she was gazing up at the blooming cherry tree with an expression of awe on her face.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" she said quietly.  I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about, and I searched the tree for something unusual.  "No, you're looking at it right now.  The tree.  When the cherry blossoms wave in the breeze under the moonlight, it's like nothing else.  So very beautiful."

She was right, I guess, and I took a second to appreciate the blossoms like I hadn't in a while.  It was so easy to take them for granted.

"It's moments like this when I am so proud to be the caretaker of this shrine.  I look at beauty such as this and know that I helped to preserve it.  I don't mind being responsible for it.  It's worth it."

I couldn't help it, a hard choking noise ripped from my throat, and she gave me a concerned look.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry," I gasped, and slid down the side of the fence until I was on the ground.  I hadn't meant to break down like this in front of her, and I could feel my face reddening even as I stared at my feet.  "I'm sorry.  I – I just had this fight with my dad and…" 

I couldn't finish, I didn't want to tell her what we'd been fighting about.  I was embarrassed to repeat those things I'd said.

She didn't question me, but knelt before me until I was looking in her eyes.

"It's all right, Touya.  He's your father.  He'll forgive you.  Everything heals with time."

I shook my head.

"You didn't see the way he looked at me."

"I see the way you look right now.  You want to make it right, and therefore you will."

Hope stirred a little in my chest at that, and I took a second to drink in the sight of her face.  She was so pretty, with high cheekbones and a delicate but strong nose.  Her skin was milk white in the moonlight.

"It's going to be hard to go back."

I wasn't just talking about facing Dad again, and somehow, I think she knew that too.  She just nodded and stood up again, then offered her hand.

"You'll be fine.  You're very strong, you know."

I wasn't so sure about that, but there didn't seem to be any room in her tone for argument.

Her hand was still in mine.  She had a strong grip, much stronger than I would have guessed.  Her touch felt nice.  But this time, I didn't push the other hand away.  After another beat of silence, she let go and I backed away from her, preparing to leave.  I couldn't believe that I was going already, when I wanted so much to stay near her, but the time had come. 

"See you tomorrow," she said lightly, and waved.  I muttered something and turned away, picking up my pace.  Even though I couldn't see, I knew her eyes followed me all the way out of the shrine.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I didn't climb back up the tree to reenter the house.  Instead I turned the key and opened the front door, kicking off my shoes casually.  Dad was on the couch, reading a book and making some notes on his pad, and his head jerked up in surprise.

"I'm sorry," was all I said before crossing the room and heading up the stairs once more. 

Behind me, there was nothing but stunned silence.

I entered my bedroom and flopped down on the bed, my hand reaching for the stereo switch. 

It wasn't until I rolled over to look out at the moonlight did I realize I hadn't gotten around to asking her a single question.  I still knew nothing about her.

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Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters.