Chapter 6
'summer'
Darlin, when I think about you,
I think about love.
Darlin, can't live without you,
And your love.
If I had those golden dreams of my yesterday,
I would wrap you in the heavens,
And feel it dying, dying all the way.
I feel like making love to you.
It was a good summer. In fact, I don't think I've had such a good summer since before she died. For the first time in years, I had something to look forward to when I woke up in the mornings, and I found myself actually smiling at my reflection in the bathroom. It was kind of nice, to smile regularly. Strange, but nice.
Mornings I spent down in our basement, sawing and sanding, directing the monster to hand me nails. She was so excited that she was helping her big brother on this project that her enthusiasm couldn't be contained. After she'd managed to get herself covered in sawdust, swung from the planks on the hawser, got varnish in her hair, and almost caused me to lose my hand with the electric saw, I had to banish her to the bottom step. Even that didn't deter her cheer, and she hugged her knees to her chest and jabbered at me about anything and everything that went through her seven year-old head. It was a little mind-numbing, but that's what the music was on for. Most of the time I managed to tune her out, but not always.
"How does it work?" she asked one morning, watching me finish running the saw through a slab of pine. I took off my goggles and gulped some water.
"How does what work?"
"The saw, and all the other stuff. How does electricity work?"
Science is one of my hobbies, and a million explanations ran through my head concerning Thomas Edison and the passage of energy through conductors.
"Magic," I said instead.
"Really?"
"No, but the truth is more complicated."
"Oh…" She seemed impressed by that logic, and watched with wide eyes as I flipped the switch for the electric sander. "Magic is real," she said firmly when I finished. "I believe in it."
"Good for you." Our father the college professor would not be pleased if he could hear this conversation, but I brushed that thought aside. Dad didn't know everything, and he would never understand the world that I knew. What did it hurt if Sakura believed?
- - - - - - - - - - -
After breaking for lunch, I gathered my summer homework and took her to the park every afternoon. My progress through the book was slow going, as I had to fulfill my duties as gymnastics coach. At first it was just her.
"You have to keep your legs straight," I instructed her for the millionth time. "It looks sloppy when you curl your legs in like that."
"I'm trying! I am keeping them straight."
"No, you're not. I'm watching you, and I can see. Here, watch." I demonstrated again, arching backwards and kicking my feet straight up in a back walkover. "Pretend that there's wood strapped to your legs and you can't bend them at all."
All her little friends were gathered around, and watched with wide eyes.
"Ooh, that looks cool. I wish I could do stuff like that." The one with glasses looked at me adoringly. They'd all developed huge crushes on me, naturally, but they were young enough that I could afford to ignore it.
"Oh, you should do it too, Naoko-chan," Sakura encouraged. "My brother will show you how. He's the bestest teacher ever!"
"Wait a minute - " I tried, but she continued doggedly.
"My brother can do everything. He cooks, and he's building the bookshelves in our home, and he can sew, and he's a great teacher. He'll show you how, Naoko-chan."
They all oohed and ahhed a little, and I was surprised at the slight flush of warmth to my cheeks. It was true, being forced into the role of a second parent had taught me a lot, but I never really thought it was any big deal. I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to. It disturbed me a little that she was ascribing me hero status because of it.
"Oh, I don't know, Sakura-chan. I'm a bookworm. I don't know how to do any of that. I'm not even sure if I want to be cheerleader."
"You have to, Naoko-chan! You can join with me and Chiharu-chan! Think how much fun it will be!"
The one with glasses was unable to resist Sakura's dazzling smile, like everyone else, and relented.
"If you really think so," she said bashfully, and Sakura tugged on my hand.
"Show her, Onii-chan. Show her how to do the cartwheel." I cast another longing glance at my untouched book, but how could I refuse?
"Fine," I groaned, and started to go through the motions. After that day I found myself training not only her, but her friends as well. She tried her hardest to get everyone involved in the lessons, but the one with long dark hair shook her head at every plea. Instead she just sat on the bench and watched Sakura practicing her handsprings. I thought the way she stared at Sakura was a little weird, but I was relieved nonetheless that she chose to sit out. One less for me to worry about.
As the weeks wore on, she and her friends got good enough to practice without me spotting, and I started making headway into my homework. Sakura thought I was a terrible nerd, doing schoolwork during the summer, and said so.
"Just wait a couple years," I promised. "You'll get yours."
She gulped at that and went to join her friends on the swings.
"It must be nice," someone sighed, and looked over to see the one with long hair still sitting at the end of the bench.
"What must be nice?" I tried to remember her name but couldn't. There were too damn many of them, and they were all so short. How could one keep track?
"To take care of Sakura-chan like you do." What? "It must so much fun." Excuse me?
She smiled at my expression and skipped away, her long hair swishing with the movement.
Take care of Sakura? Yeah, I baby-sit her. Again, because I have to. Not because I want to. There must be something seriously screwy with that girl.
I scowled and opened my book. For some reason though, the words of that girl continued to nag at me.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Dad was busier than ever, with the summer-school students, and it fell to me to prepare dinner after taking Sakura home in the evenings. While she splashed upstairs in the bathtub, I would flip the radio back on and practice my culinary skills. I knew I should be annoyed that I was expected to make dinner every single evening, with Dad usually arriving just in time to sit down and start eating. I was, a little. But I could afford to shrug it off. Evening meant the day was drawing to a close, and the reason that I looked forward to waking up was approaching. And so I nodded in a blasé manner when he made a point of thanking me every evening for fixing dinner.
I still hadn't seen too much of him throughout the vacation, despite his hints of wanting to work with me in the basement on Sundays. Dad's always been pretty coordinated, and he's great at things like sewing, but that dexterity didn't extend to carpentry. It takes a special kind of mind for it, I'd decided during the construction. I'm good at math, but that's not all of it. I understand the physical world; I'm comfortable with tangible objects and how they fit together. I'm good at it, unlike dealing with emotions and feelings. And he was not.
Finally I just put him to work painting the varnish on my finished shelves, and this he did well enough. But there was still a tension between us down there in the gloom, and uneasy silences that persisted despite my thumping stereo in the corner.
"You're doing a really great job with these," he would say occasionally.
"-t's no big deal."
And we would lapse into silence again. I really don't know what he was expecting – that we would bond with laughter and tears over a hammer and nails, maybe. Yeah right. In the reflection of the saw blade, I occasionally caught him looking at me with sad eyes. It was enough to make me scream with frustration. He wanted something that would never happen, something that could never be. And what's more, I knew it wouldn't be long before he gave up and went where he really wanted to be.
"You know," he started, examining the brush in his hands, "as long as we've got these, I was thinking I could paint Sakura's room. She's been talking about how boring those white walls are. Green, maybe, to match her eyes."
I paused for a second, then continued to mark off the plank with my pencil. I had to be careful to line it up precisely, or the shelf wouldn't fit into the slot. Here it came. I was surprised he'd taken as long as he did.
"I know I'm not much of a help to you down here; I feel like I'm getting in the way. Maybe if you got the paint sometime this week, I could start on her room next Sunday. I'm sure she'd be delighted to 'help' me too." He said that last with a wry grin, hoping to see me smile, but I just grunted noncommitally. He hadn't even asked me if I'd like a new color for my room, not that I cared. The previous resident had painted it a pale yellow, which was fine with me. But he hadn't asked, and I knew why. Because he just wanted to be with her. And how could I blame him? Who would want to spend time with a moody teenager like me when they could go upstairs and be with her?
I dumped the noodles onto his plate with a flick of the serving spoon.
"Got the paint today. It's outside her room."
"Oh, thank you, Touya-kun. We'll start on Sunday. Won't that be fun, Sakura? We can do it together."
She assented enthusiastically and beamed in his direction, and his smile grew. I looked away and concentrated on eating. Yes, I should definitely be annoyed, but I wasn't. The sun was getting ready to set, and it was almost time. The evenings were the best. I always finished as fast as I could, and fidgeted impatiently until he'd begun washing up and Sakura was still nursing her ice cream. Then I would split.
It took him a few months, busy fussing over Sakura like he always did, but at long last in the waning summer he finally began to notice.
"Where do you always go when you run off in the evenings, Touya-kun? Don't you want to sit back and relax a little?"
Not a chance. I smothered a snort as I turned around, my hand on the doorknob.
"Not going anywhere in particular," I said with a straight face. "Just a walk. I like a little quiet time after taking care of my sister all day." That last part came out a little pointedly, and his eyebrows went up. There was no doubt that I resented baby-sitting her all day, every day, but as long as I was doing such a swell job of it, I might as well use it as a bargaining chip. If he wanted me to continue being so helpful with the shelves and her gymnastics, then he could just back off about my private activities.
He didn't respond, and I slipped out of the door with a chuckle. I knew he wouldn't press any further. He was too anxious to maintain the current peace.
And then came the good part. Then came the part of the day that made me glad to wake up in the mornings, although it was hell sometimes making myself wait until the sun had gone down. Time never seemed to go quickly enough until the sky was fading pink in the west and assuming that velvety purple in shade again, and I was standing in the shrine. She was usually there by the time I arrived, cleaning, sweeping, the night breeze tugging at her kimono and teasing her hair. Whether her back was turned or not, she knew when I arrived, and would turn to greet me with a full and gentle smile. Sometimes we spoke, sometimes there was no need.
I brought out something from behind my back and traced it across her lips.
"For you."
"It's beautiful," she murmured, her eyes never leaving my face. "What's the occasion?"
"No reason. I think my dad actually felt guilty about all the work I've been doing downstairs and paid me for my labor. I wanted to get something for you."
She plucked the lily from my hand and inhaled its scent, closing her eyes to appreciate it better. I hoped she liked it. A tiger lily, the florist called it, its large curving petals a vibrant sunset color that were spotted with vermilion. It was the most colorful flower in the store, and it reminded me of her hair the moment I saw it.
Maybe it was because I'd been in the paint store that day, but I was just beginning to notice there was something strange about color with Kaho. She almost invariably wore neutrals whenever she could, mixing solids of black, white, and khaki, and disdaining patterns. Her kimono seemed to be the only exception, and even that was a very pale pastel. Not only did she rarely wear color, she abstained from makeup entirely. Her hair was the sole exception, and I wondered sometimes if she wished for a quieter shade. I hoped not. In a way, her color preferences were indicative of the part of Kaho that bothered me. The cool, removed, dispassionate part of her, the part that only reminded me how temperamental and touchy I could be. It didn't matter how frenzied my kisses became, how obvious my ardor. She was like a still and calm lake; nothing could touch her placid nature. She was holding back. I knew these were subjects I should bring up, address openly and directly, but I couldn't bring myself to. It was far easier to just kiss. And so I contented myself with buying her a colorful flower.
"It's lovely," she said in thanks. "I believe I have a vase in the stand I can put this in. Everyone tomorrow will be able to enjoy its beauty."
"Don't you want to take it home?" I asked lightly. I'd never seen her home. I had no idea where she lived, where she slept and ate. It was as if she disappeared into the dark every night and reemerged with the sun the next day.
Knowing my thoughts, she gave a light laugh and moved over to the little charm stand of the shrine.
"But beauty is best when shared with many, don't you think? Why be selfish?"
There were so many secrets in this woman. I knew I could reach and reach and I'd never find the bottom of the lake; there's always something that she'll hold back. It was part frustrating and part intriguing. The urge to explore was what drew me back, night after night, hungry for more.
"How was your day?"
"Same as always. Spent the day taking care of the little monster, only to be told that evening that I should really be more like her."
"Did he actually say that?"
"He practically did. He didn't even try to stick it out until the shelves were done. He's already switching to painting her room, just to get away from me." I leaned back casually against the short fence and looked at the stars.
"You know he doesn't want to get away from you. It will take him time."
"Time for what?"
"To overcome his fear."
"Fear?" I repeated. That was new. "Fear of what?"
She was brushing her fingertips over the petals as she arranged my gift in a bowl of water. After a moment, I realized she wasn't going to reply and shifted my attention back to the sky. There were some questions, I'd discovered, that she would not answer no matter what, and it was pointless to pursue. My father didn't concern me that much, anyway.
Instead, I was thinking how completely she understood me and my poor, dysfunctional family. She knew, she always knew exactly what the problem was. I never had to explain. It occurred to me right then that I'd never even had to tell her that Mom died when I was ten. She just knew.
She was done in the gift stand and back by my side now, her hand running lightly up my chest. I sucked my breath in a little.
So many mysteries. So many unexplained things about her, so much that I didn't know. It wasn't fair; it wasn't balanced. I should really make an effort to probe, to find some answers.
She was kissing me lightly on my neck now, moving up in a line towards my ear. I couldn't quite swallow the moan of pleasure. How could I? How could I deliberately ruin the one thing in my life that gave me any kind of happiness? She was the only one that I'd been able to make a connection with in four years. I needed her, and I turned my head slightly so I could return her kisses, dropping them lightly on her forehead. All day, every day through the summer, she was all I could think about. Kissing her, touching her, exploring her. I was blooming under her touch, my desires becoming more and more insistent as the weeks passed. The more I tasted, the more I wanted.
My mouth found hers at last and I pushed in more aggressively than usual, wanting to control at least one thing between us. She let me kiss her as long as I wanted, she never pulled away until I was done. But when I began to move my tongue down her neck, she would change her position, subtly denying me, deflecting me. She didn't have to say anything, she knew I understood. And even though I didn't like it, I would obey and withdraw. For the time being, at least, she wasn't willing to let me go any further.
I inhaled the scent of her hair and encircled her from behind, taking her hands in mine. After that first surge of lust, even this was nice. It was nice to have her in my arms, and I swayed slightly as I rested my chin on her shoulder and began to hum. Eventually, the humming turned into lyrics, tickling her ear with the movement of her lips.
"I so enjoy it when you do that," she said when I had finished. I smiled.
"She loved music."
"What?"
"I love music," I repeated, a little louder. "Speaks to me. It was the only one that understood me for a long time." I squeezed her a little tighter when I said that. She was quiet for a moment.
"Why does it speak to you?"
"I don't know. There's a lot of pain and heartache out there. Music just says it better than anything else. Especially American and British rock. Japanese music is a little 'cute' for my tastes."
She laughed at that.
"You know it fairly well."
"I guess. Not much else to do."
"Music resembles football in your life. Something to help you escape."
I tensed a little. "Isn't it possible to just be with you? Does it always have to be a journey of self-discovery?"
All I could think about was nibbling on that ear. She said nothing, but I felt her emotions mellow and relax. She wasn't going to argue the point. Gently, very gently, I began to trace my tongue along the edge, until I could suck on the lobe.
And her disturbing comments were dispelled.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
So it wasn't a perfect summer. Good, but not perfect. There was still stuff there, conflict beneath the surface that occasionally caused me a sleepless night. That, amongst other things.
"Ooh, looky, looky, Onii-chan! A festival! It looks like fun! Can we go? Please?"
I was jerked from my musing by the monster, bouncing up and down and yanking on my hand as we wandered home from the park. She was looking at a poster that had been tacked against the fence.
"It's tonight! Can we go, please?"
No way. I didn't give up my nights with Kaho for anything.
"Ask Dad to take you. You don't need me."
"Dad will be too busy," she said matter-of-factly. "He'll just ask you to take me. So can we go?"
That caught me by surprise. It's funny what little kids will notice. For all the attention and enthusiasm she lavished on Dad in the evenings, she knew who spent the majority of time with her. A funny feeling of pride asserted itself, before disintegrating under my annoyance.
I didn't want to go. I really needed to see her again tonight, after what happened this morning. Thinking about it made me break out in a cold sweat again. I had been comfortable, settling into my new routine, and then this had to happen. I was jumpy, nervous, on edge. I needed her to bring me back to reality.
"It's not like it's very far," she said chattily, still hoping to convince me. "It's at that shrine. The Tsu- Tsukim -"
It was a long word and she screwed up her face in concentration trying to read it aloud. She didn't notice my despairing expression.
No! I was mentally shouting. No! No! No! Why tonight, of all nights? Why there? That's our place – it's private. You can't put up a bunch of tents and lights and take that away from me, I need it. I need her. Today more than any day, after what happened this morning. Must the world conspire against me?
"So will you take me?" She turned her face up to mine and put on her most pleading expression. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming out loud; it wasn't as if it was her fault. It was obvious that I wasn't going to get any time alone with her that night anyway. I might as well.
"Sure, I'll take you."
"Yaaay!"
- - - - - - - - -
"What do you think?" She twirled in the middle of the living room, almost tripping on the hem of her overly-long yukata. Dad had made it for her, naturally, purposely too big so that she could grow into it. But for his plan to work, she was going to have to eventually grow one of these days.
I turned my head slightly so I could see from my horizontal position on the couch.
"You're going to get lost in there, shrimp."
"Onii-chan!"
"Touya-kun," Dad remonstrated from behind a stack of term papers on the dining table. "Be nice. I think you look very beautiful, Sakura-san."
She glowed.
"Arigatou for making this for me!" She bounced across the room to give him another hug, which he returned with one arm while still scanning the paper in his hand.
"I'm glad you like it so much. Have fun tonight. Stay close to your brother."
"Hai!"
My eyes were closed now, replaying that scene from the early morning, but I felt her hand slip into mine and give it a tug.
"C'mon, Onii-chan, don't you want to get changed? I wanna go!"
"I'm not really in a yukata mood tonight." I said this with eyes still firmly closed, so I wouldn't have to see Dad's expression. He'd made mine too, of course. But there was no way I was bothering to get out of my jeans.
"Then let's go already!" Throwing her little body into the effort, she managed to drag me partway off the couch.
"Okay, okay, I'm going," I muttered, and twisted her wrist until she was lying on the floor.
"Hey!" she squealed, as I stood up and stretched.
"Touya-kun, please don't do that to your sister. Remember what I said when you started taking karate?"
"I know, I know. No picking on her. You never seem to mind when she attacks me."
"That's because she's little and she can't hurt you. You're the one that needs to exercise self-control."
I growled impatiently in the back of my throat and extended an open hand. He waited for a moment before handing me several yen notes.
"Please don't buy her too much candy. She'll never go to sleep."
"Don't I know it. Come on, paintbrush." I ruffled her short and bristly pigtails before turning toward the door.
"Don't call me that!"
"I'll call you whatever I want, shrimp."
"Onii-chan!"
"Monster." She delivered a quick kick to my shins.
"Touya!!"
We left, and her irritation quickly subsided in her excitement at the occasion. Privately, I was dreading this, wondering what my quiet sanctuary would look like when it was festooned with decorations and filled with people. I hoped it wouldn't ruin for me. We crossed the bridge and already I could see the colorful lights ahead. So could she.
"We're almost there. Come on!"
She skipped ahead joyfully, not minding the darkened sidewalk and its uneven bricks.
"Wait, Sakura, don't -"
She tripped on her long hem and went sprawling, hitting the pavement with a painful smack. I winced.
"Waahh!"
"I tried to warn you."
"It hurts!"
"Maybe that'll teach you."
She sniffled as I knelt to pull her up. She wasn't bleeding anywhere, but I could see the white scraped skin on her hands where she'd caught herself.
"You'll live. Stop crying."
I used the material of her floppy sleeves to wipe her cheeks as she whimpered.
"Kiss it."
"Excuse me?"
"Please?" She extended both of her hands, palms up, her green eyes shimmering with tears. She looked so hurt and vulnerable. She was looking at me… asking me…
And something in those pain-filled green eyes stirred such misery in my heart that I could hardly breathe. My heart was beating fast and hard. I wanted to jump to my feet and run.
What was wrong with me? Forget her nicknames, I was the real monster. I was so cruel that I couldn't even stand to kiss my own little sister's scrapes. I was a horrible person.
I took both of her hands in mine and closed my eyes, dropping a light kiss on each.
"There. Feel better?"
She nodded, then placed her arms around my neck in a hug of gratitude. I couldn't bring myself to return it, but I didn't push her away either. Could she feel it? Did she have any inkling how much I couldn't stand to touch her? Did she have any idea how much I hated myself for hating her?
I prayed not.
- - - - - - - - - -
Once I'd bought her a snow cone, she forgot her injuries and happily skipped from tent to tent. Everyone was dressed in a rainbow of yukatas, and she would tug on my shirt and point out all the beautiful designs. There were displays of art, demonstrations of skill, and games. People laughed and called out greetings to one another. The place had been totally transformed; now it was Sakura's element instead of mine. Moodily I glared at the tree waving in the background. I felt as though something precious had been taken from me.
Not taken, Touya. Only borrowed. For no one can expect to be the sole keeper of something so beautiful forever. Don't you think?
I had to restrain myself from whirling around at her voice, but turned slowly, keeping half an eye on Sakura she raved over a friend's outfit.
I didn't think you'd be here.
Why not?
She stood several paces away, decked out in a beige and white floral pattern. Of course.
Because things are different tonight. They've taken what was ours and made it theirs.
Doesn't everyone have the right to enjoy this place?
I lowered my eyes for a moment, embarrassed.
It was special to me.
Me too. But it's not forever, Touya, only for a night. We all have to let go sometime.
Again, I had the feeling that she was saying more than what she was saying. But what?I took a step closer to her. I couldn't help myself; I had so ached to see her today. And now that she was so close – even in this throng of people I could feel the connection between us, drawing me in. She was moving forward too, though not in a straight line. She sidled to the side and in, keeping to the shadows of the game tents.
I really needed to be with you tonight. It's been a difficult day.
She could sense my turmoil, and I could feel her curiosity.
Will you show me?
I had wondered whether she could see visions in my mind as readily as she could hear my thoughts. Apparently she could. At her invitation, the memory was spinning again, weaving the image. Again, I saw myself in the hallway that morning, making my way toward the bathroom. Again I froze mid-step at the sight of her pale and gauzy image wafting through my dad's bedroom door.
I wasn't aware of it, but I was still moving through the crowd, comforted by her nearing presence. She was safety and security, a haven from this haunting image.
I don't know why she came. I don't know why she chose to visit again after so long, and what she was doing in the hall. Probably on her way to Sakura after visiting Dad's dreams. All I do know was that the sight of her shocked me, shattering my summer tranquility.
It was eerie, showing the ghost of my mother to Kaho, but I knew she could see every detail from my mind. She could see how my mother's eyes had widened slightly at the sight of me, then gazed a little sadly upon my unwelcoming expression. I hadn't been able to help myself. In the past I had always acknowledged her presence, at least, if not smiling and greeting her. But this time I tore my eyes away from her beautiful face and stared fiercely at the carpet until my dad opened the door and asked me if something was wrong.
"No," I had barely managed to choke before diving into the bathroom.
I didn't want that, I said crossly. I was getting along well. Why did she have to come down and ruin it all for me? I don't want to be reminded of it!
There are some that would rejoice if they could see their loved ones after death.
I swallowed at the thought of Dad, always arranging those pictures of her around the house so he could see her face. Wouldn't he just love it?
I did not ask for this. I don't understand why I can do it or what it's supposed to be used for, but I did not ask for this power.
She was so close… I could inhale her female scent now; her nearness was tantalizing.
So few of us ask for the gifts we have in life.
I just want to be normal, I pleaded. I'm so tired of all of it. On a night like tonight, I should only be thinking of one thing.
And that one thing was so very close. I leaned in, mesmerized by her mouth.
"Hey, Kinomoto!"
This time I did jump and whirl around, fists up and panting. But it was only Aki, wearing a flamboyant yukata and toting one of his many girlfriends on his arm.
"Jeez, Aki, don't do that to me!"
"Gomen. I was just so surprised. Didn't think I'd see you in a place like this."
"You and me both," I said a little shortly. Kaho was nowhere to be seen, and I wondered how she'd slipped away so fast. I couldn't let it rest like this. I had to find her again. I was desperate. I needed her.
"Could you do me a favor and watch my sister for a few minutes? There's someone I really need to go talk to."
I snagged Sakura by the belt of her yukata and pushed her forward. Aki looked stunned.
"You have a sister?" He looked back and forth between her beaming face and my moody expression, searching for a resemblance.
"Please don't start. I'll be right back." I turned on my heels and strode away. Behind me, I could hear him asking Sakura if she was actually related to me, and her chirping affirmative.
I shook my head and broke into a light run, ignoring the exclamations of people I brushed past, darting through the thick crowd as I searched. How could she disappear so fast? How could she fade away like that? Leave me alone? Right when I needed her the most!
I felt another fleeting panic like I had earlier with Sakura, but this time a kiss was exactly what I wanted. What if I couldn't find her? What if –
But no. There she was, under the shelter of the tree. It was somewhat apart from the main festivities, relatively quiet and dark back here.
You left me.
I came to meet you here. I knew you would want it to happen here.
She was right, although I didn't know what 'it' was.
Everything about me is so different. No one understands me. You're the only one. No one else could understand what happened to me this morning.
She gave a tiny nod. And then, like the field lights snapping on in an evening football match, I suddenly understood what was about to happen.
I feel – right with you. I am better when I'm with you. I…"I love you," I finished aloud, hardly able to believe it even as I spoke. Untouchable Kinomoto had finally admitted that someone stole his heart. I had surrendered completely.
Now what?
There was a silence between us, but it wasn't an awkward one. The look on her face was one of… relief? Happiness?
So you can.
The words were barely whispered, hardly audible in my mind, unlike the usual firm tone she took. I realized much later that it was one of those thoughts she hadn't really intended for me to hear.
"And I love you, Touya." She held my chin with one hand and reached forward for the kiss. And we kissed and we kissed some more. This time, she let my hands brush over her chest.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
And that's where our relationship was two weeks later when the doors of Tomoeda Junior High opened once more. Students filled the hallways, chattering excitedly about what everyone's summer had been like. I ignored them all, stalking through the halls silently until I'd reached my locker.
"Hey, Kinomoto, there you are. You never did say where you ran off to that night at the festival."
"Arigatou for watching Sakura," I said pointedly, not answering his question. He grinned and pushed his bangs out of his eyes.
"I still can't believe that's your sister. She sure inherited the good mood in your family, didn't she?"
"You have no idea."
He was scrambling to keep the mess inside his locker from falling out as he searched for a copy of his summer reading.
"Oh, here it is. I knew I left it in here all summer. Damn, and Literature is in the morning schedule, too. Quick, did you do the summer reading? Give me a synopsis."
I pulled out all the books I needed and started walking. He hurried to keep up.
"To Kill a Mockingbird," I began, "is a story about an incomplete family. The lawyer married a beautiful young woman, much younger than he was. They had two kids, a boy and a girl. And in spite of being so young and healthy-looking, she died. The father wrapped himself up in his work and depended on the boy to keep an eye on his younger sister all the time. She was a hyperactive pest, always getting in the way."
"Good, good," he panted, not seeing my face. "Go on."
"But hate is a constant threat in this racist town," I continued, eyeing Ryu as he approached from the opposite direction. He stiffened when he saw me and we traded glares, giving each other a wide berth as we passed in the hallway. "There are people out to hurt those who can't hit back. The boy, and the mysterious neighbor he's obsessed with, have to be called upon to protect the little girl when the father's enemies turn to attack her."
I stopped speaking and brushed away an unpleasant sense of foreboding. Aki looked confused as he flipped through the thick novel.
"Is that it? Isn't there something about a black man on trial or something?"
The first bell rang, and summer was officially over.
"Oh yeah." I waved a negligent hand. "He dies."
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Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Author's Notes:
This writer does not mean to constitute a general snub on Japanese music. I've heard many a Japanese rock song that I rather like. Unfortunately, since I don't understand the lyrics, there's no way I could have one in my sTouya. I felt like I needed to give Touya a reason to only be into English-lyric songs, so that's why I had that little conversation.
Also, for those of you who have not read To Kill a Mockingbird, I really do recommend it. Either that, or see the movie. The resemblance to our favorite CCS family is really quite startling.