Chapter 9

'when worlds collide'

I look at you, then you me

Hungry and thirsty are we

Holding the lion's share, holding the key,

Holding me back cause I'm striving to be

Better than you!

The wet and cold fall turned to snowy winter, Christmas vacation came and went, and the winter trimester began in January.  There was no more talk about me going to therapy.  I was fairly sure that Dad had picked up on my improving mood, and was ready to back off.  It was easier for me, at least, since she had not returned to visit even once.  Occasionally I found myself wondering if she'd really listened to me back in November.  I rather hoped that she hadn't.  The thought of never seeing her again brought an unexpected ache to my heart.

I wasn't thinking about my mother at this moment, however.  It was one of those dry, cold days in mid-January, and the class had trooped out here to the basketball courts to enjoy the sunshine.

Instead of picking out teams, we were going against one another in individual matches.  As fate would have it, I found myself dribbling slowly at the half-court line, eyeing my opponent.  Ryu bent his knees slightly in readiness and narrowed his eyes, determined not to let me past.  Basketball wasn't the preferred sport for either of us, but it didn't matter.  It was all about the competition.

I darted around him, dribbling frantically before leaping into the air and releasing.  The ball hit the hoop but bounced off the rim and went awry.  Damn.  Ryu smirked.  I ignored him and retrieved the ball, ready to go again.

I know where the need to struggle comes from, and why I try so hard to prove myself.  But old habits die hard.  I wasn't about to back down from this one, not in a million years. 

This time I managed to slither past his guard and lined up for a shot.

"Take it!" someone shrieked from the sidelines, and Ryu was distracted.  The ball sailed through the net with barely a swish.  Kei clapped enthusiastically from the sidelines, her eyes sparkling, and Ryu fumed.  I ignored her, but couldn't resist giving a little "mm-hmm" as I walked past him.

My hormonal desire wasn't the only thing that had been developing inside of me since Kaho walked into my life.  With the practice of communicating mentally so often, my ability to sense emotions and feelings around me was growing too.  Behind me, I felt a silent explosion of his temper, and turned just in time to catch the basketball before it slammed into the back of my head.  A ripple of shocked murmurs went through the crowd, and his eyes widened slightly. 

For a brief moment I squeezed the ball between my hands in preparation for throwing it in his face.  I didn't care that we were in the middle of class; he had issued a challenge.  I had to respond. 

Then I relaxed and tossed the ball to another student in the crowd.  It was hard, it was so hard to make myself calm down and think rationally when he did things like that.  But it wasn't as hard as it once had been, and I was getting better and better about backing away from the fight.  Every brush-off only seemed to make him more furious, and this day was no exception.  He glowered before stalking over to Kei's side. 

"How did you do that?" Aki whispered, awed.  "That was so cool!"  I shrugged.

"Hunch."

"Better keep those up.  He may try to plant a knife in your back one of these days, Caesar."

I snorted.

"Don't worry.  I'm not turning my back on him anytime soon."

- - - - - - - -

I was in a rather good mood after that, and was humming under my breath as I waited in front of the elementary school.  Finally she came scurrying out, clutching her baton to her chest.  It had been my Christmas present to her, and it hadn't left her side since the day she got it.

"Finally.  What took you so long?"

"I was practicing," she said contritely.

"What, in the halls?"

"Yes.  My teacher said I can't do it in the classroom anymore."  I rolled my eyes.

"Imagine that."

"But I'm getting much better!"  She skipped ahead of me on the sidewalk and tossed it up, spinning around and then holding out her hand.  The lightweight rod smacked her neatly between the eyes, and she yelped.  I had to swallow my laughter.

"Much better," I agreed.  "Before, you couldn't even catch it with your face.  At least part of your body is making contact."

She scowled in my direction.

"Well, it's hard," she huffed.  "I'm trying my very best."

"In that case, be afraid."

"Onii-chan!"

My teasing didn't deter her in the slightest, and she continued to toss it up and attempt to catch it all the way home.  She also stood in the living room and practiced while I made dinner, neglecting her homework.

"You know you shouldn't be doing that inside."

"It's too cold out."

"Then do your homework instead."

"I can do it later.  Here, watch!"  She managed to twirl the baton in her hand, but when she attempted a pirouette, she tripped and fell forward, the baton flying right toward the center dish on the table.  I snatched it just in time.

"Sorry," she whimpered, seeing the impatient look on my face.  I knelt beside her on the floor.

"Sakura, in the book I read last summer, the older brother buys his little sister a baton after she nags him about it for months.  Then, in the midst of a tempter tantrum, he goes crazy and breaks the baton in half.  Do you want me to do that?"

"No."

"All right.  Then get started on your homework."  I rapped her sharply on the top of her head with it, which made her yelp, then stood and placed the baton on top of the fridge.

"You don't have to be such a grouch about it."  She flounced toward our backpacks and began to unzip.  She was lucky.  If I wasn't in such a good mood, I would have probably thrown the damn thing on top of the roof. 

"Onii-chan, I need white paper to draw a picture, but I don't have any.  Can I have a sheet from your backpack?"

My victory on the basketball court wasn't the only reason.  Kaho had seen the entire thing, naturally, and we found each other during study hall that afternoon.  More accurately, found each other in the supply closet.  And there she had let me celebrate by removing her blouse and –

"Can I have this one, Onii-chan?  Onii-chan?"

"Is there an assignment on the back of it?"

"No, it's just a handout.  And it's old."

"That's fine."

I opened the fridge and examined its contents until I was sure the red in my face was all gone.  I would have to be more careful and not fantasize like that when I was around others.  But I couldn't help myself.  The further she let me go, the harder it was to think about anything else while we apart.  And in the deep midwinter, she wasn't at the shrine every night to clean.  It seemed more and more difficult to get her alone these days.

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hi, sweetie."  I heard him kiss the top of her head and I straightened, backing away from the fridge.

"Hi, Touya-kun.  Did you have a good day?"

"Was all right," I said carefully neutral. 

"Anything happen?"

"Nope."

Lately our evening conversations had begun to sound more and more like interrogations, and I wondered at his renewed prying.  I had suffered no outbursts or breakdowns, been perfectly nice to Sakura, maintained near-perfect grades at school.  What was he looking for?

He studied my face just a little longer before sitting next to his daughter.

"And how was your day, Sakura-san?"

"The best!" she pipped, just like every day.  "I practiced my baton some more.  I'm going to be really good when spring classes start!"

"I'm sure you will be," he assured her.  "What are you drawing?"

"A picture of a castle for class."

"It's very pretty."

"I love castles!"  She held it up so he could see better, and he frowned thoughtfully.

"Let me see that, Sakura-san."  I was pouring drinks at the counter and didn't see him turn the paper over and read what was on the other side.  "Touya-kun, why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Tell you about what?"

"Your school is having an open night – tonight."

I choked on my drink and nearly spat it out, mentally kicking myself.  How could I have been so stupid?  I'd taken the handout from our homeroom teacher and stuffed it in my backpack, intending to throw it away as soon as possible.  That was a week ago.  Why on earth did Sakura have to find that particular piece of paper to do her homework on?

"Uh, slipped my mind."

"Don't you want me to meet your teachers?"

"It's no big deal, Dad," I said quickly.  "I mean, I know you're busy, and you know my grades are fine.  There's no reason to traipse up to the school."  I glanced at my watch.  "It's already started and everything."

He was ladling food onto his plate as he read over the invitation more thoroughly.

"Nonsense, Touya-kun.  I'm only too glad to spend the evening at your school.  It's obviously the only way I'm going to learn anything about how you spend the day."

I fretted, but there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it.  He was already working on his dinner, intent on finishing it as quickly as possible.  Defeated, I picked at mine.

What is it with him lately?  Last summer he could barely stand to share a basement with me, now he wants to go to parents' night.  What does he think he's going to find?

"What about Sakura?  If you go, who's going to watch her?"

"I can stay at home by myself!" she declared quickly, seeing an opportunity.  He hesitated, looking back and forth between me and her.

"She can come.  We won't be out that late."

She looked disappointed, but excited at the prospect of an outing.  I just slumped in my chair.  Great.  Not only was Dad coming to school, but her too.  This could only end in disaster.

- - - - - -

"Don't sulk like that, Touya-kun," he admonished as we entered the school.  Everywhere, students were leading their parents through the halls, talking excitedly.  I winced at the noise and stuffed my hands into my pockets.  Dad was smiling as he examined my schedule, clutching Sakura tightly with the other hand.  "You look miserable.  Try to cheer up."

"Hmph."

"Which way is your first class?"

"Grammar.  This way." 

Moodily I led him through the halls, hating parents' night, hating the people that came up with it and organized it, and everything that had ever led to this event's existence.  School and family are separate worlds.  Only bad things can come of bringing them together. 

"Kinomoto-san is an exceptionally bright student," my grammar teacher said diplomatically.  "But he does seem to have trouble working with the other students in the class.  I often have the feeling that he's looking right through me when I'm speaking.  His grades are very good," she added hastily, after seeing the way Dad looked over at me.  "I just don't think the classwork is challenging enough for him."

"I see."

"Kinomoto-san is the best student in my class.  His lab work is never anything less than stellar.  But in the experiments that involve teamwork, there always seems to be some friction," my chemistry teacher explained.  I rolled my eyes.

"Friction doesn't come until physics class," I muttered, and Dad turned his head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Kinomoto here, in addition to playing right forward beautifully, is a terrific student."  The coach beamed at my dad, who smiled wanly.  "He's a natural athlete.  Are you the one he gets it from?"

"I suppose so.  I was on the track team in college."

"I knew it, I knew by looking at you that you were a runner.  It's a shame to lose him to the high school this spring; he has an amazing score record.  Does tend to get a little aggressive on the field at times."

"Mm-hmm."

"He does quite well on the multiple-choice tests that I distribute," my history teacher said thoughtfully.  "Projects seem to be a little more difficult for him.  I get the impression that he doesn't like to commit himself to long-term assignments."

"I understand.  Thank you for your time."

At the conclusion of each scathing interview, my dad uttered the exact same sentence and bowed politely.

"I'm certainly starting to see a pattern," he observed wryly in the hallway.  "Tell me, Touya-kun, do you ever even try to give your fellow students a chance?"

"Most of them are driveling morons," I said impatiently.

"What's that mean, Dad?"

"Never mind, Sakura, Touya was talking to me."

"Well, if you see a pattern, then you see a pattern.  We can go, right?"

"Hang on.  There's still two more classes to go."

And it was those two classes that I precisely wanted to avoid.

"But, Dad, we -"

"Kinomoto-san!"  My Literature teacher beamed and waved at me from her doorway, and I bit back a groan.  "Oh, I'm so glad to see you tonight.  I am honored to meet whoever's raised my star writer."

Dad looked a little taken aback.

"Your son has so much potential," my flaky Literature teacher purred, hands clasped together.  "But it's so hard to see it.  He never contributes to the discussions.  I didn't think he was getting anything out of the class until he submitted an essay for our summer reading last fall.  I can't think when I've read a more heartfelt and original piece."

"Is that so?"  He sneaked a sideways glance in my direction, and I wilted.

"Oh yes.  I had him read it aloud to the class."

Yes, she had, and I still hadn't forgiven her for it.  If I'd had any idea before I wrote that damn essay…

"Such a creative analysis of the older brother's character.  I simply loved your theory that Jem felt compelled to care for his sister after their mother's death, which accounted for his bursts of resentment.  You really got inside his head."

Dad's eyebrows had gone right up, and I stared fiercely at the floor.

"Sounds interesting," he finally said.  "I'd really like to read that sometime."

"Burned it," I muttered.

"Can't be helped, I suppose."

"Got that right."  My teacher didn't quite hear our muttered conversation, but beamed again.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," she gushed, not content with a bow but reaching forward and pumping his hand.  "You must be so proud."

"Arigatou," he said in a low voice, still looking in my direction.  "I am."

At last we managed to escape my Literature class and I stomped down the hallways, glaring at the tiles under my feet.

"There's no need to run, Touya-kun.  You don't have to be embarrassed about your feelings.  I wouldn't judge you because of something you wrote.  Why didn't you tell me?"

"Personal," I snapped.  "Okay?  Can you just leave it alone?"

"Grump-y," my sister sang.

"Quiet, monster."

"Onii-chan!"

"Please don't call your sister names."

"Please don't come to my school and try to conduct investigations on my life."

"Touya-kun, I think you're overreacting.  Do you honestly feel like you have something to hide from me in this school?"

His words were pointed, and I stopped walking to face him.

"Come on, Dad, you don't have to meet every -"

"Touya!"  I cringed at the familiar voice as Dad turned to see Kei waving flirtatiously at me.  "I'm so glad you came tonight.  That was a great play in gym class today."  She winked and placed her hands on her hips.

"Who is that?"

"Nobody."

"She seems nice."

"Seem being the operative word."

I started walking in the opposite direction from Kei in my long strides, but Dad kept pace with me easily. 

"Quit running all over the place, Touya-kun.  She's a pretty girl.  What's the problem?"

"Please don't start, Dad."

"It looks like she likes you.  Why haven't you asked her out?"

My cheeks were burning.  Is there anything more humiliating than a parent that gets involved in your lovelife?

"Dad, please don't go there." 

"You know I'd be fine with it if you went out on dates, you should go out on dates."

"See?  This is exactly what I'm talking about.  It's my life, Dad."

"It's just that you can seem so isolated sometimes, and I think maybe it might be good for you if you -"

"If I what?  Take some ditzy girl to the movies on a Saturday night like every other teenager in town?  Since when do you care about my activities?  All you want is someone to baby-sit Sakura."

"That's not true and you know it.  I told you that I want you to be happy here; I do want you to have fun."

"You don't want me to be happy, you want me to be normal."

"I think it's possible to do both," he pointed out gently.

"I can never get it right, can I?" I grouched.  "Either I'm disappearing without an explanation and abandoning my sister, or I'm too much of a hermit.  Would you make up your mind, Dad?"

"Touya-kun, I would be fine if you would just let me know where it is that you're going when you run off.  I have to be able to plan ahead for Sakura -"

He broke off as he looked around.

"Sakura?  Where is she?"

"Oh damn."  I forgot to watch my language as I realized that the little monster was no longer with us.  Somehow, she'd gotten lost in the crowd.  "How does she do that?"

"Never mind, she couldn't have gotten too far.  We'll look for her."

He didn't know Sakura like I did.  For someone with such little legs, she can disappear fast.  Sure enough, she was nowhere to be seen in the hallway, though we searched from end to end.  When we reached a split, he went left and I went right.  I was distracted, annoyed at my sister, and not thinking clearly about where we were in the school.  Or otherwise I would not have blithely sent my father down the hallway that contained my math class.

"Hey, Kinomoto!"  This time it was Aki, and he was waving cheerfully at me from the end of the hall.  "I believe I have something that belongs to you."

Sakura, on his hip, grinned and waved as well.

"Sakura, there you are.  Jeez, don't you know you're not supposed to be running off like that?"

"I didn't run off," she pouted.  "You and Dad did.  I couldn't keep up, and I got lost."

"And I found her turning cartwheels in the hallway," he chimed in.  "I thought I remembered that smile."

"Arigatou, Aki.  C'mon, Sakura, let's go find Dad."  Aki clutched at her a moment. 

"Wait just a sec, I picked her up because my parents are in there talking to our grammar teacher.  It's the cute puppy appeal.  They can't get mad as long as I have her in my arms."

She giggled, but I just groaned and plucked her from his arms.  Even class clowns, it seemed, were not immune to her charm.  My sister is disgustingly cute.  Way too cute for her own good.

"Gomen, but I kinda have to take her home.  I'll see you tomorrow.  Assuming I survive tonight."

"I know the feeling," he said dispiritedly.  "I think I'm gonna be grounded for the next month after they hear about that stunt I pulled in the chemistry lab."

"Good luck.  Ja ne." 

I hoisted Sakura up under one arm, and she shrieked playfully.

"Bye, Aki!"

"Bye, Sakura.  And don't let your big brother be too mean to you."

"Hai!"

"Just wait until you're older," I informed her.  "And you'll discover that you're not the end and all to cuteness."

"Dad says I'm cute just like Mom."

I ground my teeth a little but didn't respond.  The annoying thing was, she was absolutely right.  What if she didn't grow out of it, after all?

I stomped down the hallways looking for Dad, and froze when I saw him outside my math class, chatting with Kaho.

Damn!  The one thing I'd hoped to avoid all night!

I wouldn't get too upset, Touya.  He's only trying to understand your life.

Feeling strange about it, I hovered behind the screen of the crowd and watched her carry on a conversation simultaneously with him and me.

I don't want him to understand my life.  Parents aren't supposed to try and understand teens' lives.

Why so afraid?

Because I don't want him to get suspicious about us.

Oh, there's no need to worry about that.  She smiled and nodded at some comment he made, then she said something that made him laugh.  He already is.

I almost dropped Sakura on the floor.

What?  How?  He only saw us together for a minute.  I didn't even talk to you!

I think that's how he knew.  He's curious about me; it's why he wanted to come tonight.

I groaned slightly, and Sakura wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Are you sick, Nii-chan?"

"Not yet."

I find this to be too weird.

How so?

Because I was taking your shirt off today with my teeth, and now you're talking to my dad.  I don't like it.  This is why I don't like these events.

She answered a question that he'd asked, and he said something else.

We are both part of your life, Touya.  Inevitably, there will be a meeting. 

Eventually, I guess, worlds will collide. 

He must have said the thank you line, because he bowed and turned away.  Seeing me, he crossed the length of the hallway with a thoughtful smile on his face.

"Oh good, you found her.  I was just talking with your math teacher."

"I saw."  I kept my expression absolutely deadpan and my eyes on his face alone.

"She's very nice.  She thinks you're a wonderful student."

I nodded silently, telling myself that he didn't know, that he only suspected.  And yet suspicion was bad enough.  How on earth had he ever guessed? 

"Well, I guess that's it for the night," he sighed.  "Sakura's starting to look tired.  It's time she went home to bed."

"Find what you were looking for?"

He met my stony stare steadily, and I could see no hint of guile in those brown eyes behind the glasses. 

"I think so, yes," he said slowly.  I couldn't help it; I had to swallow.  He held my gaze a moment longer before turning to head toward the front doors.  I felt shaken, and somewhat exposed.  I could not resist looking over my shoulder for her, and she gave me an encouraging wave.  She did not seem unduly worried, and I supposed I really shouldn't be either.

But she was so precious to me… the thought of losing her made my throat constrict.  The one person that I could be happy with since Mom died, and I loved her.  I wouldn't let Dad or anyone else take her away from me. 

I shifted Sakura a little on my hip; she was practically asleep on my shoulder by now.

Ever.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm obviously going to have to be more careful.  I can't believe he actually guessed.

There are handy side benefits to being able to communicate mentally.  This way, I didn't have to worry about pulling my mouth away from her skin, but sucked gently.  She hummed with pleasure as she sat in my lap, straddling me with her long legs.

Is it so hard to believe?  She sounded amused.  Did you really think he wouldn't notice your lightening mood over the past few months, the improvement of your disposition?

I didn't realize it was so noticeable.  I guess I need to work harder at being sulky and grouchy, huh?

She giggled, though quietly. 

It's not just my behavior that's changing, I added thoughtfully.  Other stuff is happening too.  Like these dreams.

She tensed slightly.

Dreams?  What kind of dreams?

Vague ones.  I keep seeing a girl – or maybe, a young woman, I don't know – flying through the night sky.  Really flying, I mean, with white wings and everything.  I thought it was Mom at first, but she doesn't have the hair.  There's a little animal flying next to her, though I can't see what it is.  And last night there was another person with wings standing right in front of me, but she, or he, was shining with a silver light so bright that I couldn't see their face.  It was weird.

She said nothing for a minute, but rested her forehead against mine.

Do they frighten you, these dreams?

I don't know, maybe.  Everyone's a little scared of the unknown. 

It was difficult to concentrate on such ambiguous topics with her so close, and I ran my hands up and down her back, rubbing gently.

What are you doing?

Checking for wings.  You don't have any, right?

She laughed at that, then kissed me rather forcefully.

No, never have.  I do hope you aren't disappointed.

I'm fine with it, I assured her, feeling oddly relieved.  Those dreams really were leaving me with an unsettled feeling in my stomach, but it wasn't a top worry.  There were other things to think about.

It's you, I continued.  Since I met you, I've been feeling this ability growing inside me.  I'm more in tune with my surroundings.  I can feel other people's emotions around me.  It's like I can hear music for the first time in my life. 

How does it make you feel?

Strong.  Prepared.  I bit and sucked a little harder than usual, but she did not rebuke me or pull away.  But unfulfilled.

Unfulfilled?

Because even though it's becoming easier and easier to read the people around me, there's still one who remains something of a closed book.  I pulled away and looked at her face in the dim light.  She did not seem troubled my suddenly invasive look, but cupped my face with her hand.

What do you think you need to know?

Why don't you wear colors?

She didn't answer immediately, but paused to collect her thoughts.  If I concentrated hard, I could get the barest glimmer of what was going on in there, in spite of not being invited.  She could hear my random thoughts so easily, but it took real effort to hear hers.

There are many planes, she finally offered.  Visual, tactile, audible, and mental among them.  Visually, the world is already draped in a rainbow of colors.  I feel no need to add to such a dizzying array, my contribution would be marginal.  There are other ways to add color.  I attempt to do so with my actions and thoughts.

I dropped my eyes as she spoke, wondering what my mother would think of that.  She had mentioned that she loved rainbows a couple times.  And her favorite color was white.

Does this satisfy you?

I think so.  I shot her a smug grin, knowing that I couldn't hide my thoughts from her and making no attempt to do so.  I was really just distracting you so I could get a clear glimpse of when your birthday is.  I had a feeling it was coming up.

It was virtually impossible to surprise this woman, but I think I managed it right then, and she blinked a couple of times before replying.

You, Touya, are quite the sneaky individual.

I learned from the best.

There's no need to do anything for my birthday, by the way.  Please forget about it.

Not a chance.

Mmm.  But beware.  Birthdays are a celebration of the past.  And bringing up the past can be uncomfortable.

This time it was my turn to tense, and a feeling of foreboding tingled up and down my spine.

What are you talking about?

Never mind.

She shifted her position slightly, which had the effect of stimulating a fresh throbbing in my lap.  I sucked in my breath a little and started doing another algebra equation in my head.  Desperately trying to distract my body, I forgot all about her warning.  But I didn't forget the date.

February 11.  She'd be twenty-one.  Now all I had to do was get her something.

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Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters

Music:  Better Than You – Metallica