HELLO!!! bet you thought I was dead, huh?  well I'm not.  I was doing ~*important*~ things… um… Let's see.  I counted all the pebbles in Wales.  I ran the Iditorod.  I invented velvet.  I prank-called Michael Jackson.  Everyday.  For a month.  And I gave away my entire collection of parking tickets.  (You want one?  Gotta catch'em all!)  … I can tell that you are not impressed with my list of alternate hobbies, so I'll just let you read the next chapter. 

NeverNeverLand—Chapter 17

            "Ya didn't have to hit me like that, Raph."  Mike rubbed his shoulder while he waited for the microwave to thaw the raspberries.  'I'm gonna have a bruise.'

            Raphael smirked across a cup of coffee.  "Yeah, yeah.  Damn, you're a whiny little bitch this morning.  And I did too have to hit you; they're not in one of your fuckin' porno mags, Mike.  They deserve some privacy."

            Mike wheeled around.  "Funny, that doesn't sound like the guy who was drooling over Sterling's performance the other night."

            Raph stood up, favorite little brother or not, he wasn't gonna let that go.  "She CHOSE to dance.  They EXPECTED to sleep without their brother jerkin' off in the doorway!"

            Mike spun round and shoved Raph sharply into the side of the fridge. He landed with a hollow crack.  The fiberglass coating along the side of the appliance now bore a shell-shaped dent.  Raphael threw his arms out, trying to catch himself on something and stay upright.  Yet even as Raph went sprawling, he hooked his brother's feet out from under him, forcing Mike to join him in his struggle for balance.

            "You.  Take. That. Back."

            "NO WAY IN HELL---"

            "EYAAAAAH!!!!!"  The scream echoed through the lair, stopping Raph and Mike cold.  They traded confused glances.

            "The Girls."

            Fight forgotten, they dashed for Mikey's bedroom.

            Weapons drawn and adrenaline surging, they arrived at the doorway right at Donatello went to open it.  They scanned the area; no visible threat.  They nodded to Donnie.  He called out as he slowly opened the door, "You ok in there?"

            A gray furry streak shot out of the room, jumping from the floor to the top of the sofa and up onto the ledge, which ran along the subway tunnel wall.  It wound its way past the empty glass bottles, storage boxes, lawn ornaments, and general clutter, and curled up on top of a tall bookcase in the living room area.

            "Klunk?"  Mike put his head in the room.  "What happened?"

            Cabbage sat there wide-eyed and panting.  "…ATE my FEET… woke up… pain, attacking my FEET… CAT biting my toes…"

            Her sisters were wide-awake as well, but laughter choked off their attempts to clarify the situation.  Cabbage swatted at Pipes with the edge of her blanket.  "Oh, shut up.  You know I hate cats!" 

            Pipes rolled out of range, +"EEEEeeee!  There's a big, evil, kitty-cat nibbling my toes!!"+

            "Ooo!  You'd whup scream too whup-whup if it woke you from a sound sleep!  Get back here!"

            Shima grinned at her sisters.  She turned from them and addressed her brothers in the doorway.  "We didn't wake you, did we?"  Cabbage flogged her in the back of the head with the comforter.  "UF!  Will you two knock it off?"

            Donnie returned the grin, "Naw, we've been awake.  I'm just glad we didn't wake you."

            Mike silently repeated Cabbage's words in his mind.  "You're afraid of cats?"

            "No.  I HATE cats."  Cabbage stretched and yawned.  "That one startled me.  Usually, I just avoid the little bastards."

            Mikey was torn.  Klunk bothered his brothers from time to time, but Klunk was still his little buddy.  Nobody really liked Klunk, except for Michelangelo, but the cat kept the bug and mouse population down.  Mike had nearly knocked Raph's teeth out the first time he caught him sticking strips of tape to the poor little fuzzball.  'Protective' did not begin to cover Mike's feelings for his little Klunk-bud.  But this was CABBAGE, his sister, and the cutest thing on two legs.  "Why?"

            Cabbage stood up and pulled a less than thrilled Sterling up off the mattress.  "Do you have any idea how many of those things I've taken apart?  If I wasn't splitting the seams on one of them, the humans had me injectin' 'em with somethin' or other, or burning brain lesions, or severing various major nerve groups, or preppin' them for surgery, or changing their IV's."  Cabbage shivered.  "They were never glad to see me.  I was never glad to see them.  At first I felt bad about hurting them, but they never felt bad about hurting me when they tired to get away."  She looked at Mike and smiled, dimpling for all she was worth.  "I hate cats because they make me remember all the terrible things the humans made me do."

            For the first time, her smile completely failed to warm Michelangelo.  'It's fake.  Not always, but she still uses it that way.  I wonder how many times I've missed that.'  Mike looked up at Klunk as the little gray blob stared down at them.  "Oh."  He pushed his thoughts away.  They confused him, and hinted that he might have to choose.

            Raphael rammed his sai back into their place on his belt.  "All that over the goddamn cat."  He marched off to his room, calling over his shoulder, "Mike?  You gonna finish breakfast, or just let it burn?"

            Mike tore off toward the kitchen before any further words could be said about the cat.

yes.  I'm sorry.  I missed you too.  I'll never let it happen again.  I'll just sit here in front of the word-processor and play Shaharizade to your fanfiction Sultan-ry.  (ha! ha!)  ok.  seriously.  truly sorry about the time lag.  I hate it when other authors do it.  Just quit sending Mousers to my house.  I promise I'll do better.  Oh.  and yes.  My cat DOES try to eat my feet when he's mad at me -- or bored, or playful, or confused, or hyper, or strung out on catnip, or feels like chicken tonight…