A BRIEF NOTE: After all the drama from the previous couple of chapters, I figured we needed at least one light-hearted one. I will warn you now - there are A LOT of inside jokes. Some of them you will get, some of them you won't. I will tell you this, though - John is real. And he is just like this. And without further ado . . .

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"The Rescue of Randor"

Days passed. The kingdom grew stronger. Peace marched through Eternia. As the weeks moved into months, the strength of the once-conquered planet began to grow. Winter soon came and offered a chance for renewal.

Snow, a rare thing for Eternia, allowed for a sense of purging and peace. The winter months folded away and spring was on the horizon. The snow melted, giving away for a chance of renewal.

In the hearts of Eternians everyone, joy seemed to resound. Even Adam was regaining faith in the cause he fought for. He and Teela grew ever closer together, bringing love to between the two of them. The kingdom was so taken with this, that when Addison's birthday came around, there was a great celebration held by the people.

He-Man and She-Ra were barely needed during this time. Though Adora hoped to contact the other peoples of Eternia, the Soceress seemed to demand that this be prohibited. For some reason, the other species wanted to remain in hiding in another realm.

Adam, on the other hand, avoided the Soceress altogether. Despite his chance to come to peace with this new revelation, Adam had yet to come to terms with the Soceress and her lies to him over the years. The secrets that Adam learned in the great caverns he shared with no one. No one.

And so, with spring beginning to come upon Eternia, the kingdom of Eternos and its allies prepare for a season of change and renewal. And hope.

"I've found them," said Duncan, standing in his lab with Gwildor.

"You . . . you what?" asked Adam.

"WE found them," corrected Gwildor. "It was hard, but we were able to recover the coordinates of where we dropped them off at."

"Great!" exclaimed Adora. "How soon can we get them?"

"It will take two days to completely input the exact calculations. But, you know, we've waited this long . . ."

"Right," Adam agreed. "Just do your best."

***

Randor, former king of Eternia, defender of the kingdom of Eternos, warrior of old, famed leader, father of He-Man and She-Ra, survivor, conqueror of great evils and one of the universes most powerful figures stood in the bathroom and readjusted his tie.

Then, after fixing that, he straightened his sleeves and stepped up to the counter and let lose his booming, commanding voice.

"Paper or plastic, ma'am?"

The woman, looking a bit startled, answered reluctantly. "Um . . . plastic."

Randor groaned inwardly. Back on Eternia, he had commanded legions of armies and even arm-wrestled He-Man himself - and won! But here, on Earth, he was reduced to . . . mere grocery store bag-boy with a small plastic name-tag that said: "MY NAME IS: 'RANDOR' - HOW MAY I HELP YOU?"

A nametag! The man should have a crown made of the greatest golds and silvers. Instead, it's plastic coated onto paper! He muttered a curse word under his breath as he loaded the groceries into the shopping cart.

"Have a good day, ma'am," he boomed once again.

"Randor . . ."

He turned around and was faced by a tan, mustached man with dark-going-gray-going-bald hair. "Yes, John?"

The manager scoffed at the tone of his voice. "Randor, I don't appreciate that tone."

"I'm sorry sir."

"Randor, don't talk to the customers so gruffly."

"I'm sorry sir."

"Now don't make that mistake again. This is the third time this week that I've had to remind you."

"I know, sir, it's just . . ."

"And I see you didn't shave this morning."

"I'm sorry sir. I just didn't get the chance to. I was busy and - "

"Busy? Busy doing what?"

"I was just busy, sir."

"Right. Well, I'm gonna let you get away with it this time. But I want you to head back to the Frozen department and restock all that ice cream."

"But I just stocked it!"

"I read the lay-out wrong. We need it restocked."

Randor was growing impatient. "John, it is colder than a witch's nipple back there!"

John's eyes bulged. "Randor, you DO NOT talk that way in front of customers."

"I'm sorry."

"Now just get back to Frozen and talk to Danny. He'll tell you what to do."

"Right, right."

As Randor walked back towards the Frozen foods, he passed another bag-boy. "Hey, Randy, did you catch the game last night?"

"No. I was busy with Marlena."

"Ohhhhhh," the other bag-boy said. "Randy got some last night!"

"No. We were searching the Internet, Arron. And the name is Randor, not Randy!"

"Right, right. Whatever."

Randor headed back to Frozen, rubbing his scrub. Oh, how he wished he still possessed his beard. But it had to be shaven for the sake of his job - Acme Fresh Market. Curse this store. Curse it to the very depths of Snake Mountain.

The former king couldn't believe the way this planet treated its people. There were people older than he was working this incessant job and they were war vets!

One of the first things he suggested to Marlena was that she go to the space program - NASA or something - and reveal to them that she has returned.

"They will embrace your return as a hero of true might!" he told her.

"Randor . . . things don't quite work like that here. They'll separate us. And with you not being human, it just . . . makes things difficult."

"I don't understand."

"Humanity doesn't trust what it doesn't know. And it doesn't know you. And it doesn't know where I've been."

"Then, we must go into hiding until we are rescued."

"Yes."

The two had contacted He-Man's old allies from Earth - the humans named Kevin and Julie. By this time, they had been married and owned a house. Luckily for Randor and Julie, they had a spare room above the garage. It is there they have lived for over three years.

Randor returned home after yet another long day. He was forced to walk, but didn't mind it too much. It kept him in shape. Neither he nor Marlena could get a Driver's License because it would reveal their identities. Instead, they had to keep it low.

"I'm home!" he proclaimed as he entered the apartment.

"Randor!" returned Marlena from the computer. She was helping Kevin in his software business. "How was work?"

"Terrible. That terrible fiend John infuriated me once more! He is worse than Skeletor, I imagine."

"Worse than Hordak?"

Randor sighed and pulled off his tie. "Perhaps. I only wish I knew how the war was going."

"I know."

"What's for dinner?"

"Mashed potatoes and turkey."

"Excellent!"

Marlena smiled for a moment, then frowned. "I went to the graveyard again," she said. "I can't believe they think I'm dead."

Randor took her hand. "You want to see your sister again, don't you?"

"Kristina hasn't seen me in over twenty years. I just want her to know I'm still alive and that I'm living the life of a queen!"

"Not at the moment you're not," Randor noted.

"You know what I mean. Randor, I know this planet may seem very backwards compared to what we're used to, but this is the place where I grew up and where I lived."

"I understand. Its culture just seems so odd to me."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Randor walked over and opened it up, revealing both Kevin and Julie.

"Kevin, Julie!" Marlena exclaimed. "We were just about to make dinner. Would you care to join us?"

"Actually . . ." started Kevin.

"We're going out of town for a couple of days, remember?"

"Oh, yes," Randor recalled. "To see some friends, right?"

"That's right," Julie reminded. "Some friends. Like Ross and Rachel."

"And my friends Harry and Kathryn," Kevin told them.

"Yeah. Well, we need to get going."

"Have a good time."

"Feel free to use the house, guys," said Kevin with a smile. "And remember if He-Man stops by to rescue you two, leave us a note."

"Right. Have a safe journey."

"Right-to! Good bye!"

A few minutes later, Kevin and Julie's car started the pair took off out of town, leaving Randor and Marlena alone.

"Well, I suppose I should get started on dinner," said Marlena, getting out the mashed potato mix.

"Wait a minute! What is that noise?"

Suddenly, the door was smashed down and nearly a dozen, gun-wielding men in black suits appeared and pointed their weapons at the former King and Queen.

"Stand down, aliens!" shouted their ring leader. "Hands in the air! Now!"

"Who are you?" asked Randor, hands in the air.

"My name is Marcus. For the purity of mankind, I am taking the two of you into custody."

A few of the men came over to the pair and ordered them to put on handcuffs. As soon as the cuffs were about to reach Randor's wrists he looked up at them and said one thing: "Thank you."

His fists cracked against the faces of two of the men in black. Bullets began to be shot, but Randor avoided them.

"I was trained by Eternian Elves and fought with Widgets and Insectiods," he told Marcus, kicking him in the face.

"And he trained me," Marlena followed, delivering a wide roundhouse kick against the remainder of their attackers.

Randor ran to a small chest and opened it up. Inside were many of his belongings he brought with from Eternia. He pulled on crown, pulled on his sword with its holster. While he did this, Marlena had Marcus pushed up against the wall.

"Who are you? How did you find us?"

"Those fake I.D.s didn't last very long. We're a cult, you could say. We reach everywhere. We'll find you no matter where you go."

Randor shouldered a plasma cannon before handing an energy weapon to Marlena. "What's this cult's name?"

"The Purifiers."

"Good."

Randor punched him in the face and made for the door. Marlena smiled, put on her crown and followed.

"We need to hide out for a couple of days," she said.

"Yes. The hunt is on, dearest! By the Soceress, my heart is pounding like never before! Ha ha! Let's fight some bad guys!"

She loaded her weapon. "Lets," she said with a big grin. "But we need some place to hide-out first."

"They said they were everywhere, Marlena. They've hunted us and tracked us down."

"Randor, if that's the case, then they might be after . . ."

"I know. We'll make for your sister's house immediately."

***

"We're punching in the coordinates as we speak," reported Duncan.

"How much longer?" asked Adam, getting anxious.

"Twenty-four hours. Maybe more. Trust me. I'm ready to have them back just as much as you are."

He nodded. "I know. Just getting . . . antsy."

"Soon enough, son. Soon enough."

***

Randor and Marlena ran down the alley, knowing that the Purifier cult members were right behind them. As they heard their car beginning to turn with screech, Randor pulled open a cellar door and entered into a basement.

"Shhh," he said to Marlena, holding his plasma cannon ready.

"Did you hear that?!" shouted a female voice from the floor above. Randor jumped, but realized that this woman was actually the owner of the basement. "Give me the phone! I'm gonna call Ghostbusters!"

Randor and Marlena ignored them and listened as the car came to a halt on the alley and the two cult members stepped out.

Just then, both the King and Queen burst out from the cellar doors and opened fire, laying waste to both cult members (stun, of course) and then completely destroying their car.

"Let's move!" Randor shouted.

Marlena nodded quickly and the two made for another alley.

***

A few hours later and two towns over, the forty-seven year old Kristina Anderson returned home from her teaching job. The day was long and the kids were quite demanding today. But Kristina didn't take this job for the perks - she did to teach kids.

"What a day . . ." she muttered as she walked into the kitchen.

It was then that this day got a little more stranger. Sitting at her dinner table was a very muscular man and woman with auburn hair with dozens of strange . . . weapons?

"Greetings!" shouted Randor.

"Just who the hell are you and how did you get here?"

Marlena stood up, her eyes wide and staring straight at Kristina.

"Kris . . . Kristina?"

"Yeah. Just who the . . . wait! Marlena?"

She nodded and wiped a tear from her eye. "It's me. I'm alive."

"Oh . . . oh!" Kristina stuttered. She rushed to her sister and the two embraced in a way only sisters can. "Where have you been? I've been so worried about you!"

Marlena pulled back. "I've been in space. On another planet. I have children now. I'm a Queen!"

"Are-are you serious?"

"Yes. Here."

She pulled out a picture of Randor, Adam, Adora and herself and handed it to Kristina. She looked at the picture.

"Well, I'll be damned," she said, looking closely.

"Yes, well, I'm her husband. King of Eternia. Randor."

"Pleasure," Kristina said, trying to keep calm.

"Listen, I don't want to cut this short, but there's this cult after us. They think we're aliens. We're not," Marlena explained. "Well, I'm not. They call themselves the Purifiers and we were afraid they were after you."

"Why?"

"To use you against us. We've been exiled here. There's a war on our world. I was afraid to come to you earlier because - "

"I don't care!" Kristina shouted. "You're here with me! Again! I've missed you so much!"

"So have I!"

Suddenly, the door was knocked down and scores of Purifiers rushed in. They immediately grabbed ahold of the trio and yanked them outside.

"ON YOUR KNEES!" shouted a man in front of them. "IN THE NAME OF PLANET EARTH - I, THE GREAT PUNISHMENT BRINGER, WILL PURIFY THIS PLANET!"

Randor and Marlena attempted to resist, but there were too many of them. Guns were out and pointed. Randor watched as his crown fell to the grass and was kicked away. He frowned.

"Snipers, prepare your guns."

"Not one move, Jack," a voice said suddenly. Behind the cult leader was a well-toned, blond-haired man.

"No!"

Just then, dozens of soldiers filled the backyard, each one with guns aimed at the Purifiers. The blond tossed the leader over to some of the other soldiers. He picked up Randor's crown and handed it to the King.

"I believe this is yours, sir," said the blond.

"Thanks," replied Randor. "Who are you?"

"The United States government. My name is Duke. We've been watching this group. They had some funding many years ago by a terrorist group. But let's not worry about that right now. The fact is that you're an alien and we're fine with that. We've let those guys from Cybertron run around for years. Go ahead back to your lives. Trust me, you'll be fine with us."

***

And so, the next day . . .

Randor, once again, straightened his tie and stepped over to the counter. It was busy, but Saturday's were always busy. Of course, this was nothing for Randor. He was much more happier being hunted.

"Hi honey!" greeted Marlena as she and Kristina walked next to him. Randor smiled at the arrival of his wife and sister-in-law.

"Hello my love."

Randor stepped away from the counter and hugged his wife.

"Randor . . ." said John from behind. Randor turned around.

"Yes John?"

"Get back to work, Randor."

"I was only stopping to say 'hello' to my wife."

"That's not what you're supposed to be doing right now. Just worry about getting the customers their groceries."

Randor sighed loudly. "Yes sir."

"And Randor?"

"Yes John?"

"I don't know why you won't listen to me, but you didn't shave. AGAIN."

"I'm sorry sir. I've just been having a lot of thing to do and haven't had any time for - "

"Then you make the time, Randor. I don't know why I've put up with this for so long. Next time, I'm sending you back home to shave. You understand?"

"Yes sir."

"And I didn't care for the job you did with that ice cream. I want you back there in fifteen minutes to re-stock it. AGAIN."

"THAT'S IT!" shouted the King. Randor stepped over to John and lifted him up by the collar. "I AM THE KING OF ETERNIA! I HAVE FATHERED TWO CHILDREN, FOUGHT GOBLINS, BATTLED WITH DRAGONS, SOLVED THE UNIVERSES GREATEST MYSTERIES, AND EVEN FOUGHT SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH HE-MAN AND SHE-RA THEMSELVES! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME THIS WAY!"

Randor tossed John onto the ground.

"You're insane!" John shouted. "You're no king! You're nothing!"

The fury of the king raised, but Marlena grabbed hold of his arm. "Randor - wait!"

She pointed to their left. There was a series of bursts of energy and light before a blue portal appeared in the middle of the grocery store. Adam, Adora, Gwildor, Teela, Man-At-Arms and nearly twenty-five soldiers marched out.

"Father! Mother!" shouted the twins.

"Adam! Adora!" exclaimed their parents.

Hugs were exchanged all around.

"We're going to bring you home!" said Adora.

Marlena looked back at Kristina. "Kristina, I . . ."

"I know," said her sister. "You've got a kingdom to run. But here . . ."

Kristina pulled a few pictures out of her purse. One was of Kristina's three children, one of Marlena and Kristina as kids, and one of Randor, Kristina and Marlena together.

"Thank you. I'll miss you, my sister. But I promise I'll see you again."

"I know," Kristina answered. "I know. Good bye, Marlena."

"Good bye, Kristina."

Adam handed Randor his crown. "We stopped by your apartment. It's where your communicator was. We picked up your valuables and left a note for you. I thought you should have this."

Randor pulled on the crown, then looked at John. "Insane, huh? Come on, kids, wife, let's go home!"