KIMAHRI'S MAGICAL TALE OF VII
~Mwahahahahahaha! Upon the hapless Final Fantasy 7 section, I force this malformed child of a fic! Why? Because I'm bored and want to bother you people in the FF7 section. Teehee. This is the story of Final Fantasy 7 told by the lovable Kimahri, the Ronso Blue Mage (SLASH!) Dragoon from FF 10. I like slash and all of its many meanings. I feel so bubbly from all of the flames I'm going to get! Whee! Unless you people somehow enjoy the madness of Kimahri's broken grammar. Yay.~ Silver Neko, Assaulting your Mako reactor when your not looking.
"Kimahri no want to do this. Kimahri NO want to tell crazy story about Cloud guy and wacky adventures with Materia. But Kimahri have to or Kimahri will be pummeled by various people who think the way Kimahri talk am funny. This hurts Kimahri's feelings. Kimahri not talking like this to be funny! Kimahri BORN like this! Oh well. Time for big talkie story time.
Once upon a time, their am planet called...planet. It true! People always call it "The planet" or "Our planet" and one time Kimahri think someone call it "Earth" but that just big word for dirt. Kimahri knows nothing.
In "The planet" there am special juice called "Mako". Mako was like blood of planet. It also all glowey. One day, people of planet decide to stick tubes in planet and pump Mako to use as fuel for stuff. Like trains and toasters and pie. People liked Mako much better than "Coal". What am coal? Kimahri don't know yet. But it not good for eats.
Another fun thing that am made from Mako am "Materia". It small glass ball made from..big word coming up...COMPRESSED (That big word!) Mako. Materia could do many many thingies. Green ones could let anyone with brain bigger than dust particles ('nother big word! Kimahri on a roll!) use magical magic to rain death and doom upon annoying neighbors.
Blue Materia could "support" things. What things? Kimahri don't know. Kimahri hope this not like suspenders or something. Uhh...Kimahri no know what color "Independent" Materia am. Pity Kimahri for Kimahri's lack of smart juices. Red Materia (Kimahri's favorite kind!) could Summon monsters like Yuna do. Now you ask Kimahri, "Kimahri, where did these people stick these round orbs of endless talents?" and Kimahri answers, "In various places, such as armor designed to hold Materia or Bracelets and even in-between ones boobies, assuming they had boobies. Teehee".
Anyway, sucking blood from ANYTHING usually not no good. So now planet was becoming all dead like. So a craaaazy man (He was crazy) with GUN for hand decided to fight the power and start the POWER RANGERS! Wait, no...he make group of under age peoples and start AVALANCHE! Yay. He make secret lair under a bar in slums under big city called Midgar. Gun man's big plan was to make all the Mako sucky things around the city explode in fiery balls of death and debris. Whee.
BUT, Gun man still lack man power to pull off suicide dream. So he hire scary Cloud guy with big ass sword to help kill things that needed to stop being alive. Cloud guy was very mean and spooky, thank you very much. So now story can REALLY begin.
AVALANCHE team of SUPER JUSTICE take train from stinky slums (Slums are stinky) and go up to city to make Mako "Reactor" explode for super fun. When train stop at place of Mako sucky, AVALANCHE team of TRUTH AND GLORY pop out and kill guards. Gun man yell at Cloud guy to hurry up because he just taking his time walking and looking all forsaken. That ALSO big word.
So AVALANCHE team of SUPER GOODNESS hack into computers and whatnot and get past many doors. After many killings and runnings, Cloud guy and potty mouthed Gun man make it to center of reactor and set bomb of doom. Suddenly spooky voice talk to Cloud guy and say....things. This annoy and perhaps frighten Cloud guy. Suddenly alarm goes off and evil robot death bug come for Gun man and Cloud guy's souls. That suck.
After magical battle, Cloud guy and AVALANCHE team of LOVE AND PEACE run run run like a fat man from Jenny Greg because they only have 10 minutes to flee before evil reactor explodes, incinerating all life around it. Yaaay. Yes, they DO escape and reactor explodes like melon in the jaws of melon loving Crocodile.
Afterwards, Gun man who have anger management problems order AVALANCHE team of RECYCLING TO KEEP OUR PARKS RODENT FREE to split up meet at train station. So Cloud guy walk off while thinking how much he hate anything that have set of lungs, when he find Flower girl who fall over because she have no center of gravity. She ask him about why reactor am exploady and he all like "Enngg, social contact...IT BURNS!" Yeah, it pretty funny. So she force him to buy purdy flower and he run off to escape the madness.
Because life suck for Cloud guy (Like it suck for Kimahri) poopy law men come and yell at Cloud guy and wave their shiny badges around. They corner poor Cloud guy, but then trains save the day! Cloud guy leap onto train that JUST HAPPEN to be heading for slums! Convenient! Cloud guy leap into train and scare bajesus out of Man with gun for an appendage. Gun man then proceed to swear at Cloud guy and homeless bum who live in train and at pidgin who make nest in train who lives off of air molecules.
When train arrive at slums, Gun man STILL screaming obscenities that am directly aimed at poor confused pidgin. Then team all head off for secret hideout that am under bar. Person Who RUN bar am Chick with big Boobs. From now on Kimahri shall refer to her as Boob chick. Yay. Also in bar am little girl who am daughter of Gun man...but wait. If Gun man is African American (Kimahri is politically correct! Yay!) and little girl am not...then...KIMAHRI'S BRAIN BURNING LIKE CHICKEN WINGS! That really painful, but Kimahri is more then over it now."
~Yay. First chapter done. When ever I get the brilliant idea to write a story about the plot of a FF game with Kimahri narrating in his fractured English, I say to myself, "You know that by the third chapter your going to hate yourself and your traitor of a brain." Yes, its something like that. Anyway....I've lost the will to draw so now I need to write..things. And Kimahri is funny since he talks silly. If you don't get this shit then read my two other Kimahri fics and you'll understand the insanity. Yay for you.~ Silver Neko, she wasn't THAT surprised when what's her named got stabbed by the spooky guy.
~Mwahahahahahaha! Upon the hapless Final Fantasy 7 section, I force this malformed child of a fic! Why? Because I'm bored and want to bother you people in the FF7 section. Teehee. This is the story of Final Fantasy 7 told by the lovable Kimahri, the Ronso Blue Mage (SLASH!) Dragoon from FF 10. I like slash and all of its many meanings. I feel so bubbly from all of the flames I'm going to get! Whee! Unless you people somehow enjoy the madness of Kimahri's broken grammar. Yay.~ Silver Neko, Assaulting your Mako reactor when your not looking.
"Kimahri no want to do this. Kimahri NO want to tell crazy story about Cloud guy and wacky adventures with Materia. But Kimahri have to or Kimahri will be pummeled by various people who think the way Kimahri talk am funny. This hurts Kimahri's feelings. Kimahri not talking like this to be funny! Kimahri BORN like this! Oh well. Time for big talkie story time.
Once upon a time, their am planet called...planet. It true! People always call it "The planet" or "Our planet" and one time Kimahri think someone call it "Earth" but that just big word for dirt. Kimahri knows nothing.
In "The planet" there am special juice called "Mako". Mako was like blood of planet. It also all glowey. One day, people of planet decide to stick tubes in planet and pump Mako to use as fuel for stuff. Like trains and toasters and pie. People liked Mako much better than "Coal". What am coal? Kimahri don't know yet. But it not good for eats.
Another fun thing that am made from Mako am "Materia". It small glass ball made from..big word coming up...COMPRESSED (That big word!) Mako. Materia could do many many thingies. Green ones could let anyone with brain bigger than dust particles ('nother big word! Kimahri on a roll!) use magical magic to rain death and doom upon annoying neighbors.
Blue Materia could "support" things. What things? Kimahri don't know. Kimahri hope this not like suspenders or something. Uhh...Kimahri no know what color "Independent" Materia am. Pity Kimahri for Kimahri's lack of smart juices. Red Materia (Kimahri's favorite kind!) could Summon monsters like Yuna do. Now you ask Kimahri, "Kimahri, where did these people stick these round orbs of endless talents?" and Kimahri answers, "In various places, such as armor designed to hold Materia or Bracelets and even in-between ones boobies, assuming they had boobies. Teehee".
Anyway, sucking blood from ANYTHING usually not no good. So now planet was becoming all dead like. So a craaaazy man (He was crazy) with GUN for hand decided to fight the power and start the POWER RANGERS! Wait, no...he make group of under age peoples and start AVALANCHE! Yay. He make secret lair under a bar in slums under big city called Midgar. Gun man's big plan was to make all the Mako sucky things around the city explode in fiery balls of death and debris. Whee.
BUT, Gun man still lack man power to pull off suicide dream. So he hire scary Cloud guy with big ass sword to help kill things that needed to stop being alive. Cloud guy was very mean and spooky, thank you very much. So now story can REALLY begin.
AVALANCHE team of SUPER JUSTICE take train from stinky slums (Slums are stinky) and go up to city to make Mako "Reactor" explode for super fun. When train stop at place of Mako sucky, AVALANCHE team of TRUTH AND GLORY pop out and kill guards. Gun man yell at Cloud guy to hurry up because he just taking his time walking and looking all forsaken. That ALSO big word.
So AVALANCHE team of SUPER GOODNESS hack into computers and whatnot and get past many doors. After many killings and runnings, Cloud guy and potty mouthed Gun man make it to center of reactor and set bomb of doom. Suddenly spooky voice talk to Cloud guy and say....things. This annoy and perhaps frighten Cloud guy. Suddenly alarm goes off and evil robot death bug come for Gun man and Cloud guy's souls. That suck.
After magical battle, Cloud guy and AVALANCHE team of LOVE AND PEACE run run run like a fat man from Jenny Greg because they only have 10 minutes to flee before evil reactor explodes, incinerating all life around it. Yaaay. Yes, they DO escape and reactor explodes like melon in the jaws of melon loving Crocodile.
Afterwards, Gun man who have anger management problems order AVALANCHE team of RECYCLING TO KEEP OUR PARKS RODENT FREE to split up meet at train station. So Cloud guy walk off while thinking how much he hate anything that have set of lungs, when he find Flower girl who fall over because she have no center of gravity. She ask him about why reactor am exploady and he all like "Enngg, social contact...IT BURNS!" Yeah, it pretty funny. So she force him to buy purdy flower and he run off to escape the madness.
Because life suck for Cloud guy (Like it suck for Kimahri) poopy law men come and yell at Cloud guy and wave their shiny badges around. They corner poor Cloud guy, but then trains save the day! Cloud guy leap onto train that JUST HAPPEN to be heading for slums! Convenient! Cloud guy leap into train and scare bajesus out of Man with gun for an appendage. Gun man then proceed to swear at Cloud guy and homeless bum who live in train and at pidgin who make nest in train who lives off of air molecules.
When train arrive at slums, Gun man STILL screaming obscenities that am directly aimed at poor confused pidgin. Then team all head off for secret hideout that am under bar. Person Who RUN bar am Chick with big Boobs. From now on Kimahri shall refer to her as Boob chick. Yay. Also in bar am little girl who am daughter of Gun man...but wait. If Gun man is African American (Kimahri is politically correct! Yay!) and little girl am not...then...KIMAHRI'S BRAIN BURNING LIKE CHICKEN WINGS! That really painful, but Kimahri is more then over it now."
~Yay. First chapter done. When ever I get the brilliant idea to write a story about the plot of a FF game with Kimahri narrating in his fractured English, I say to myself, "You know that by the third chapter your going to hate yourself and your traitor of a brain." Yes, its something like that. Anyway....I've lost the will to draw so now I need to write..things. And Kimahri is funny since he talks silly. If you don't get this shit then read my two other Kimahri fics and you'll understand the insanity. Yay for you.~ Silver Neko, she wasn't THAT surprised when what's her named got stabbed by the spooky guy.