KIMAHRI'S MAGICAL TALE OF VII
~Did ya know that the reason I ever even got a copy of FF 7 was because many years ago, one horrible Easter, I realized I needed a gift for my eeeeeevil brother, Mr. Pink. So I snagged a copy of FF 7 and a guide for it and crammed it into his Easter basket in the dead of night. WHY did I think it was such a great idea? Because when I had got my self a copy of the "Game Brain" video (Which mysteriously disappeared many years ago. I'm looking for a new one on EBAY! YAY!) I saw the neat guide to Seven along with the guide to Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee (Which was the reason I got the tape) and thought it would be peachy. But my bastard brother did no not like my gift and I ended up playing it, with the help of my Gameshark of DOOM. Teehee.~ Silver Neko, digging in trash in the Sector 7 Slums.
"Before Kimahri continue horrible story, Kimahri want to say that Kimahri found out what color Independent Material am! It PURPLE! Kimahri's soul has been saved! Now it time for more story. Yay.
Cloud guy give flower he buy from Flower girl to Boob chick. She all smilely. Gun man scream for everyone to head down to secret lair under bar by way of pinball machine. But first Cloud guy drink alcohol to ease the pain of human contact. He then take pinball machine (SLASH!) elevator downstairs.
AVALANCHE team of SEIZURE INDUCING KITTENS find out that they on TV. YAY! But evil President of evil corporation or whatever the hell he president of, say that AVALANCHE team of FREE LOVE am bad terrorists with no souls that must be hunted down like dogs they so am. Gun man then screech at Cloud guy for some reason. Hey, Kimahri just telling you what happen, Kimahri lack the courage to make up own story of death and doom.
It seem that Cloud guy once was member of evil corporation or whatever. Gun man still not very comfy around him and junk. Boob chick come and yell at Gun man not to yell at Cloud guy and soon everyone yelling about something that am equally stupid. Cloud guy then bellow something incomprehensible and run out of room back upstairs.
Before Cloud guy can escape through door to salvation, Boob chick stop him and remind him about promise he make when he and Boob chick were bite size. In Ronso terms, that mean when they kids. Thank you very much. Kid version of Cloud guy make promise to Kid version of Boob chick that if he ever become SOLDIER (JOIN TODAY OR STOP BREATHING!) then he would protect Boob chick FOREVER. He might as well just promised to marry her instead. It the same thing.
So poor stupid and now much older Cloud guy need to stay or else his traitor of a heart will make him feel pain for the remainder of time, and stop pumping blood to brain. Teehee. So then Cloud guy DEMAND PAYMENT or he would hold his breath until he die. Kimahri try to do that once. Kimahri fail horribly. Cloud guy then demand payment for NEXT mission. Gun man cry because he need that money for Little Girl who he CLAIM am daughter's education. At least he good father, unlike Kimahri's. Gun man end up giving college funds to Cloud man and ruining Little Girl's future. This secretly please Cloud guy.
Then everyone go to sleep. Yes, right there on the floor. What? It funny?
Next morning, Gun man try to tell Cloud guy how to use Materia, But Cloud man just glare at him and take sip of coffee. Cloud guy hate mornings. Cloud guy hate reality called "Being awake". Cloud guy hate everything. Cloud guy then go shopping and beat up annoying brat who call him old man. Later, AVALANCHE team of JOY TO THE WORLD, Boob chick and Cloud guy hop in train and head off to Mako reactor 5 for explodey fun.
Uh oh. It seem that evil corporation move check point for train. AVALANCHE of GLEE must run now or die. They hop off SPEEDING TRAIN and then have to crawl through filthy tunnels to get to Reactor. Ick. To make long horrible story short, they get to reactor and reach reactor core. Suddenly Cloud guy have...FLASH BACK! He see Boob chick with hat crying over bloody corpse of dead papa and swearing to avenge papa's death. Yay. Oh and something about guy who killed Papa: Spooky Dude.
Cloud man quickly forget about that and then set bomb of doom and AVALANCHE team of KIMAHRI'S HEAD HURT FROM THINKING OF THINGS TO PUT AFTER AVALANCHE run run run like Monkey from Steamroller. After many many puzzles and stuff, Horrible Corporation president show up with SOLDER's. It a trap! Gun man yell about environmental issues but President just giggle like little piggy he am. He then sic his evil Air robot on hapless Gun man, Boob chick and Cloud man who give him the finger as hard as he can.
Gun man, Boob chick and Cloud man quickly make Air robot not alive anymore, but it then explode. Poor Cloud man stuck hanging from metal thing for dear life. He look very, very worried. He then fall to his horrible death while Boob chick cry like little rain cloud. Gun man secretly sing happy song in his head, even though he feel guilty about it.
~Ya know, reason I like to write with Kimahri is because it comes so easily to mind how Kimahri would say things. That and if I make a REAL grammar error, people will just assume it's just Kimahri's way of talking. I WIN EITHER WAY! GWAHAHAHA! And for you who have not played 7 (HEATHENS!) this not the end of the story. Doi. That would make it the shortest and most unfulfilling game...EVER. Oh yeah, it was Mr. Pinks idea to write the heathen thing. Kill him, not me.~ Silver Neko, leader of the SILVER HAWKS (Actually, I don't really like that show none to much.)....CHICKEN WINGS!
~Did ya know that the reason I ever even got a copy of FF 7 was because many years ago, one horrible Easter, I realized I needed a gift for my eeeeeevil brother, Mr. Pink. So I snagged a copy of FF 7 and a guide for it and crammed it into his Easter basket in the dead of night. WHY did I think it was such a great idea? Because when I had got my self a copy of the "Game Brain" video (Which mysteriously disappeared many years ago. I'm looking for a new one on EBAY! YAY!) I saw the neat guide to Seven along with the guide to Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee (Which was the reason I got the tape) and thought it would be peachy. But my bastard brother did no not like my gift and I ended up playing it, with the help of my Gameshark of DOOM. Teehee.~ Silver Neko, digging in trash in the Sector 7 Slums.
"Before Kimahri continue horrible story, Kimahri want to say that Kimahri found out what color Independent Material am! It PURPLE! Kimahri's soul has been saved! Now it time for more story. Yay.
Cloud guy give flower he buy from Flower girl to Boob chick. She all smilely. Gun man scream for everyone to head down to secret lair under bar by way of pinball machine. But first Cloud guy drink alcohol to ease the pain of human contact. He then take pinball machine (SLASH!) elevator downstairs.
AVALANCHE team of SEIZURE INDUCING KITTENS find out that they on TV. YAY! But evil President of evil corporation or whatever the hell he president of, say that AVALANCHE team of FREE LOVE am bad terrorists with no souls that must be hunted down like dogs they so am. Gun man then screech at Cloud guy for some reason. Hey, Kimahri just telling you what happen, Kimahri lack the courage to make up own story of death and doom.
It seem that Cloud guy once was member of evil corporation or whatever. Gun man still not very comfy around him and junk. Boob chick come and yell at Gun man not to yell at Cloud guy and soon everyone yelling about something that am equally stupid. Cloud guy then bellow something incomprehensible and run out of room back upstairs.
Before Cloud guy can escape through door to salvation, Boob chick stop him and remind him about promise he make when he and Boob chick were bite size. In Ronso terms, that mean when they kids. Thank you very much. Kid version of Cloud guy make promise to Kid version of Boob chick that if he ever become SOLDIER (JOIN TODAY OR STOP BREATHING!) then he would protect Boob chick FOREVER. He might as well just promised to marry her instead. It the same thing.
So poor stupid and now much older Cloud guy need to stay or else his traitor of a heart will make him feel pain for the remainder of time, and stop pumping blood to brain. Teehee. So then Cloud guy DEMAND PAYMENT or he would hold his breath until he die. Kimahri try to do that once. Kimahri fail horribly. Cloud guy then demand payment for NEXT mission. Gun man cry because he need that money for Little Girl who he CLAIM am daughter's education. At least he good father, unlike Kimahri's. Gun man end up giving college funds to Cloud man and ruining Little Girl's future. This secretly please Cloud guy.
Then everyone go to sleep. Yes, right there on the floor. What? It funny?
Next morning, Gun man try to tell Cloud guy how to use Materia, But Cloud man just glare at him and take sip of coffee. Cloud guy hate mornings. Cloud guy hate reality called "Being awake". Cloud guy hate everything. Cloud guy then go shopping and beat up annoying brat who call him old man. Later, AVALANCHE team of JOY TO THE WORLD, Boob chick and Cloud guy hop in train and head off to Mako reactor 5 for explodey fun.
Uh oh. It seem that evil corporation move check point for train. AVALANCHE of GLEE must run now or die. They hop off SPEEDING TRAIN and then have to crawl through filthy tunnels to get to Reactor. Ick. To make long horrible story short, they get to reactor and reach reactor core. Suddenly Cloud guy have...FLASH BACK! He see Boob chick with hat crying over bloody corpse of dead papa and swearing to avenge papa's death. Yay. Oh and something about guy who killed Papa: Spooky Dude.
Cloud man quickly forget about that and then set bomb of doom and AVALANCHE team of KIMAHRI'S HEAD HURT FROM THINKING OF THINGS TO PUT AFTER AVALANCHE run run run like Monkey from Steamroller. After many many puzzles and stuff, Horrible Corporation president show up with SOLDER's. It a trap! Gun man yell about environmental issues but President just giggle like little piggy he am. He then sic his evil Air robot on hapless Gun man, Boob chick and Cloud man who give him the finger as hard as he can.
Gun man, Boob chick and Cloud man quickly make Air robot not alive anymore, but it then explode. Poor Cloud man stuck hanging from metal thing for dear life. He look very, very worried. He then fall to his horrible death while Boob chick cry like little rain cloud. Gun man secretly sing happy song in his head, even though he feel guilty about it.
~Ya know, reason I like to write with Kimahri is because it comes so easily to mind how Kimahri would say things. That and if I make a REAL grammar error, people will just assume it's just Kimahri's way of talking. I WIN EITHER WAY! GWAHAHAHA! And for you who have not played 7 (HEATHENS!) this not the end of the story. Doi. That would make it the shortest and most unfulfilling game...EVER. Oh yeah, it was Mr. Pinks idea to write the heathen thing. Kill him, not me.~ Silver Neko, leader of the SILVER HAWKS (Actually, I don't really like that show none to much.)....CHICKEN WINGS!