KIMAHRI'S MAGICAL TALE OF VII
~My spine hurts and my Birthday is this Wednesday. I'm probably going to get crappy gifts. I WANT A COPY OF TAIL OF THE SUN! Is that SO wrong? God seems against me owning that game. Anyways....thanks 'fo the reviews. I'm glad that I'm not entirely hated by the population of planet Earth. Ya know, I get so many questions of where I get my inspiration from. The majority of the time its from my brother who is usually complaining about losing his games and saying that he's going to write a anonymous letter to the companies saying, "Hey, that's so not cool" and how its all a conspiracy by the monkeys. God I wish I hadn't of just eaten that Pizza.~ Silver Neko, threat to mankind.
"So you think Cloud guy splatter of blood and fat on sidewalk now, huh? HUH?! Well much to Kimahri's surprise, Cloud guy wake up safe and sound on patch of flowers growing in church house. Now Kimahri must nitpick. HOW can fragile human body survive 2 thousand mile fall (and one must remember that the longer one falls, the faster the velocity of the fall gets) by crashing through badly shingled roof and landing on malnourished flowers? It NO can happen! Unless flowers am magic. And Kimahri suppose they am.
ANYWAY, first thing Cloud guy see am Flower Girl who sell him flower. NO REFUNDS! Flower girl introduce herself and all am well. After much talkie about things that are spoken with words, somehow, SOMEHOW Cloud guy end up as bodyguard of Flower Girl. Kimahri not see THAT one coming. SUDDENLY....Jerk men infiltrate Church! Leader of Jerk men: Jerk man #1, want to steal Flower girl and perform horrible tests on her. HORRIBLE tests.
Cloud guy scream something about God hating him and then grab Flower girl and flee. Jerk man #1 have fit and stomp on flowers. Cloud guy and flower girl run up stairs but somehow Flower girl fall down icky pipe and at mercy of greasy icky jerk men. Cloud guy then proceed to pummel Jerk men with barrels. Cloud then snag Flower girl and leap out of Church.
While Cloud guy and Flower Girl crawl through sharp pointy and rusty garbage, Flower girl explain how Evil corporation try to kidnap her for evil ways. So Cloud guy take her back home to Sector 5 slums, which Kimahri think look cooler then sector 7. Yes. Flower girl's home look amazingly clean and hobo free. When Cloud guy meet Flower Girl's mommy she tell him to flee their house in the dead of night or she would become upset. So Cloud guy take nap in nice clean bed while having horrible dreams of ravaged childhood. Whee.
So in middle of night, Cloud guy slowly walk, NOT run, out of house and to path to sector 6 slums. But silly Cloud guy! Flower girl right their waiting for him! Cloud guy feel like crying. So poor Cloud guy stuck with Flower girl. They walk through wreckage and reach old playground where Flower girl force Cloud guy to frolic with her. When Kimahri says frolic, Kimahri means play, not other filthy yet pleasurable activities. Kehehehe...
But in the midst of their play, a Chocobo drawn wagon appeare with Boob chick in back of it. Cloud guy felt compelled to follow it because his heart was threatening to destroy all the red blood cells in his body if he didn't. Flower girl instantly felt jealous. So they went to super fun Wall market. This best place in world! It have rampant prostitution and whore house. WHEE!
Thanks to Cloud guys amazing negotiating skills, they find out that Boob chick was taken to PIMP MAN'S MANSION (Kimahri think there a game named that) to be "Interviewed" by Pimp Man. Kimahri like the way this story going! So to save Boob chick from being violated, Cloud guy charge into mansion. But he find out that only girls am allowed in. So Flower girl come up with SUPER WOW GOOD plan to dress Cloud guy up like chick so he get in unnoticed. Sure, Cloud guy could just barge in am slaughter all who oppose him, but he obviously like doing things the hard way.
PREPARE FOR INCREDIBLY LONG PROCESS OF HOW CLOUD GUY BECAME FEMALE!
First, Cloud guy and Flower girl stop at dress shop but find out they cannot get dress in Cloud guy's size because owner of shop not inspired to sew not no more and spend days now in drunken depression in local bar. So Flower girl and Cloud guy flee to bar and try to talk to Drunken failure of a man that Owner of shop so am. Flower girl whisper to Shop owner that Cloud guy am cross dresser who like to feel pretty and likes it up the ass. Naughty Flower girl! Bwahahaha! So this inspire Dress man to make dress. They order "Silk dress" and then realize they need wig to cover Cloud guy's abomination of hair. Dress man say to go to gym for fake hair. Huh?
So they head off for Gym and find that owner of gym ALSO like to feel pretty. He say he give wig to Cloud guy IF he beat one of Gym man's students in Squatting contest. Ewww. So Cloud guy easily win and get "Blond wig" from Gym man. He also narrowly avoid getting ass fondled. He no trust smile of Gym man's face.
Cloud guy then think he have what am needed to be woman, but Flower girl say he need MORE! So she drag him back to bar and they talk to man who do Peepee dance while in line for toilet. Fat woman who am in toilet have DIARRHEA. FLEE FROM THE STINK! Conveniently, while Flower girl and Cloud guy am having lunch at local restaurant, they get free coupon for medicine store. Yay! So, thinking of scourge to planet that woman in toilet am, they get Poop stoppy medicine and give it to her. She then give Cloud guy "Sexy Cologne" so he feel sexy, which from this angle, he am NOT.
So then Cloud guy think to self, "I hate all sentient creatures" uh...and also that he and Flower girl should buy some Materia. So at Materia shop, Materia selling man ask Cloud guy and Flower girl if they do favor for Materia selling man. Just as Cloud guy was about to go into a three hour long marathon of swearing and screaming why he hate being alive, Flower girl tell Selling man of Materia that they would yes do thing for him. Cloud guy then run out door screaming about rupturing bowels. So super selling man tell Flower girl to spend night at Inn and buy "Special" item from vending machine there. The reason he no do it himself is that there am people there who want to smash him dead.
So Flower girl then go hunt down Cloud guy who am making threats on life of statue of cat, and drag him to hotel where he make sure they have separate beds despite Flower girl's objections. Naughty NAUGHTY Flower girl! Kimahri like how you think! To bad Flower girl have to...oh wait, Kimahri getting ahead of Kimahri's self. So in middle of night, Cloud guy get thing from Vending machine which turns out to be really gay and they give it to Materia selly man. Seller of Materia so happy that he give them "Diamond Tiara" and then shoo them out of shop.
~SILVER NEKO'S CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER, MR. PINK AS HE WALKS BY: "What'cha doing?" asks Mr. Pink "I'm writing Final Fantasy Seven through the eyes of Kimahri." Says Silver Neko triumphantly. "But he wasn't EVEN THERE!" "But he's narrating it, so technically he WAS there" Silver Neko points out. "But they were two comp-pah-leet-lee different games! Unless he was Red 13 in disguise...which he looks like....sub-speeeesh-ass-lee." Mr. Pink says as he rubs his sunburned chin. Silver Neko, disgusted with her brothers dashy talk and his disgrace to the Final Fantasy character designers, decides that he must pay for his ignorance, because Red Thirteen looks nothing like Kimahri even though they both have feathers and are assumed to be cats and they did not get lazy when designing him, by ignoring Mr. Pink until dinner. END!~
So THEN Cloud guy and Flower girl run into man who give them Member card to WHORE HOUSE OF BEES because he just realize that he like men and run off to gym while Confuzzled Cloud guy and Flower girl just stare. Cloud guy then make break for Bee house of Whores and Flower girl try to stop him but she is then swarmed with lonely and horny men. Haha! So Cloud guy go inside and am greeted by Hot looking bee girl who Cloud guy will be screwing this evening. YEAH! But first, Cloud guy peep into "Occupied" rooms but finds only insane people who talk and do nothing of interest to hormone riddled Cloud guy.
So Cloud guy chose room that have symbols like "&$#*%@" for name. Just as Cloud guy was about to get what Cloud man SO deserve after a LIFETIME of suffering, Cloud guy's conscience took on physical form and then proceeded to belittle and then try to stab Cloud guy. Cloud guy scream like little girl being chased by dirty old man with camera and fainted. Cloud guy then awake to savage beating by man in TIGHT SHORTS! AAAAHH! Bee whore say sorry, but time up! No loving for Cloud guy. Awww. But he give him her Lingerie so it not THAT bad. Cloud guy then get makeover from Bee girls in dressing room. HE FEEL PRETTY!
Cloud guy then go outside to find that Flower girl has made a killing selling flowers to luv deprived men. Yay. So after explaining again and AGAIN that Cloud guy STILL am a virgin to Flower girl, they head back to Dress shop to dress up into: PRETTY LADY CLOUD GUY, WAI! Everyone in shop then tease Cloud guy on his attire. Cloud guy fought down urge to kill and for first time, won. Flower girl try on dress SHE buy, and guess what? Cloud guy am prettier girl than she! This am nothing to be proud of. YAY! They then head off to Pimp mansion of Pimpness.
Once in mansion of SMUT, Cloud guy and Flower girl explore and find Boob chick at bottom of stairs in torture chamber. Boob chick explain why she there and Kimahri know it a good reason but Kimahri am to sleepy to talk about it. Kimahri can't see Kimahri's hand anymore. The three females (Though one am male) am then called to PIMP MAN for interview time!"
~Its chapter 3 and I now officially somewhat hate myself for this so called brilliant idea of a story. Yes, the above conversation between me and my brother did happen. I also, while typing it, accidentally spelled his name as "Mr. Oink" since O is right next to P. When he said "MR. OINK" outloud and pointed out my horrible error, I laughed and laughed while he stood their with his annoyed/murderous face. Twas funny. Thanks for the reviews, more soon. Not NOW but sooooon.~ Silver Neko, not of this Earth.
~My spine hurts and my Birthday is this Wednesday. I'm probably going to get crappy gifts. I WANT A COPY OF TAIL OF THE SUN! Is that SO wrong? God seems against me owning that game. Anyways....thanks 'fo the reviews. I'm glad that I'm not entirely hated by the population of planet Earth. Ya know, I get so many questions of where I get my inspiration from. The majority of the time its from my brother who is usually complaining about losing his games and saying that he's going to write a anonymous letter to the companies saying, "Hey, that's so not cool" and how its all a conspiracy by the monkeys. God I wish I hadn't of just eaten that Pizza.~ Silver Neko, threat to mankind.
"So you think Cloud guy splatter of blood and fat on sidewalk now, huh? HUH?! Well much to Kimahri's surprise, Cloud guy wake up safe and sound on patch of flowers growing in church house. Now Kimahri must nitpick. HOW can fragile human body survive 2 thousand mile fall (and one must remember that the longer one falls, the faster the velocity of the fall gets) by crashing through badly shingled roof and landing on malnourished flowers? It NO can happen! Unless flowers am magic. And Kimahri suppose they am.
ANYWAY, first thing Cloud guy see am Flower Girl who sell him flower. NO REFUNDS! Flower girl introduce herself and all am well. After much talkie about things that are spoken with words, somehow, SOMEHOW Cloud guy end up as bodyguard of Flower Girl. Kimahri not see THAT one coming. SUDDENLY....Jerk men infiltrate Church! Leader of Jerk men: Jerk man #1, want to steal Flower girl and perform horrible tests on her. HORRIBLE tests.
Cloud guy scream something about God hating him and then grab Flower girl and flee. Jerk man #1 have fit and stomp on flowers. Cloud guy and flower girl run up stairs but somehow Flower girl fall down icky pipe and at mercy of greasy icky jerk men. Cloud guy then proceed to pummel Jerk men with barrels. Cloud then snag Flower girl and leap out of Church.
While Cloud guy and Flower Girl crawl through sharp pointy and rusty garbage, Flower girl explain how Evil corporation try to kidnap her for evil ways. So Cloud guy take her back home to Sector 5 slums, which Kimahri think look cooler then sector 7. Yes. Flower girl's home look amazingly clean and hobo free. When Cloud guy meet Flower Girl's mommy she tell him to flee their house in the dead of night or she would become upset. So Cloud guy take nap in nice clean bed while having horrible dreams of ravaged childhood. Whee.
So in middle of night, Cloud guy slowly walk, NOT run, out of house and to path to sector 6 slums. But silly Cloud guy! Flower girl right their waiting for him! Cloud guy feel like crying. So poor Cloud guy stuck with Flower girl. They walk through wreckage and reach old playground where Flower girl force Cloud guy to frolic with her. When Kimahri says frolic, Kimahri means play, not other filthy yet pleasurable activities. Kehehehe...
But in the midst of their play, a Chocobo drawn wagon appeare with Boob chick in back of it. Cloud guy felt compelled to follow it because his heart was threatening to destroy all the red blood cells in his body if he didn't. Flower girl instantly felt jealous. So they went to super fun Wall market. This best place in world! It have rampant prostitution and whore house. WHEE!
Thanks to Cloud guys amazing negotiating skills, they find out that Boob chick was taken to PIMP MAN'S MANSION (Kimahri think there a game named that) to be "Interviewed" by Pimp Man. Kimahri like the way this story going! So to save Boob chick from being violated, Cloud guy charge into mansion. But he find out that only girls am allowed in. So Flower girl come up with SUPER WOW GOOD plan to dress Cloud guy up like chick so he get in unnoticed. Sure, Cloud guy could just barge in am slaughter all who oppose him, but he obviously like doing things the hard way.
PREPARE FOR INCREDIBLY LONG PROCESS OF HOW CLOUD GUY BECAME FEMALE!
First, Cloud guy and Flower girl stop at dress shop but find out they cannot get dress in Cloud guy's size because owner of shop not inspired to sew not no more and spend days now in drunken depression in local bar. So Flower girl and Cloud guy flee to bar and try to talk to Drunken failure of a man that Owner of shop so am. Flower girl whisper to Shop owner that Cloud guy am cross dresser who like to feel pretty and likes it up the ass. Naughty Flower girl! Bwahahaha! So this inspire Dress man to make dress. They order "Silk dress" and then realize they need wig to cover Cloud guy's abomination of hair. Dress man say to go to gym for fake hair. Huh?
So they head off for Gym and find that owner of gym ALSO like to feel pretty. He say he give wig to Cloud guy IF he beat one of Gym man's students in Squatting contest. Ewww. So Cloud guy easily win and get "Blond wig" from Gym man. He also narrowly avoid getting ass fondled. He no trust smile of Gym man's face.
Cloud guy then think he have what am needed to be woman, but Flower girl say he need MORE! So she drag him back to bar and they talk to man who do Peepee dance while in line for toilet. Fat woman who am in toilet have DIARRHEA. FLEE FROM THE STINK! Conveniently, while Flower girl and Cloud guy am having lunch at local restaurant, they get free coupon for medicine store. Yay! So, thinking of scourge to planet that woman in toilet am, they get Poop stoppy medicine and give it to her. She then give Cloud guy "Sexy Cologne" so he feel sexy, which from this angle, he am NOT.
So then Cloud guy think to self, "I hate all sentient creatures" uh...and also that he and Flower girl should buy some Materia. So at Materia shop, Materia selling man ask Cloud guy and Flower girl if they do favor for Materia selling man. Just as Cloud guy was about to go into a three hour long marathon of swearing and screaming why he hate being alive, Flower girl tell Selling man of Materia that they would yes do thing for him. Cloud guy then run out door screaming about rupturing bowels. So super selling man tell Flower girl to spend night at Inn and buy "Special" item from vending machine there. The reason he no do it himself is that there am people there who want to smash him dead.
So Flower girl then go hunt down Cloud guy who am making threats on life of statue of cat, and drag him to hotel where he make sure they have separate beds despite Flower girl's objections. Naughty NAUGHTY Flower girl! Kimahri like how you think! To bad Flower girl have to...oh wait, Kimahri getting ahead of Kimahri's self. So in middle of night, Cloud guy get thing from Vending machine which turns out to be really gay and they give it to Materia selly man. Seller of Materia so happy that he give them "Diamond Tiara" and then shoo them out of shop.
~SILVER NEKO'S CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER, MR. PINK AS HE WALKS BY: "What'cha doing?" asks Mr. Pink "I'm writing Final Fantasy Seven through the eyes of Kimahri." Says Silver Neko triumphantly. "But he wasn't EVEN THERE!" "But he's narrating it, so technically he WAS there" Silver Neko points out. "But they were two comp-pah-leet-lee different games! Unless he was Red 13 in disguise...which he looks like....sub-speeeesh-ass-lee." Mr. Pink says as he rubs his sunburned chin. Silver Neko, disgusted with her brothers dashy talk and his disgrace to the Final Fantasy character designers, decides that he must pay for his ignorance, because Red Thirteen looks nothing like Kimahri even though they both have feathers and are assumed to be cats and they did not get lazy when designing him, by ignoring Mr. Pink until dinner. END!~
So THEN Cloud guy and Flower girl run into man who give them Member card to WHORE HOUSE OF BEES because he just realize that he like men and run off to gym while Confuzzled Cloud guy and Flower girl just stare. Cloud guy then make break for Bee house of Whores and Flower girl try to stop him but she is then swarmed with lonely and horny men. Haha! So Cloud guy go inside and am greeted by Hot looking bee girl who Cloud guy will be screwing this evening. YEAH! But first, Cloud guy peep into "Occupied" rooms but finds only insane people who talk and do nothing of interest to hormone riddled Cloud guy.
So Cloud guy chose room that have symbols like "&$#*%@" for name. Just as Cloud guy was about to get what Cloud man SO deserve after a LIFETIME of suffering, Cloud guy's conscience took on physical form and then proceeded to belittle and then try to stab Cloud guy. Cloud guy scream like little girl being chased by dirty old man with camera and fainted. Cloud guy then awake to savage beating by man in TIGHT SHORTS! AAAAHH! Bee whore say sorry, but time up! No loving for Cloud guy. Awww. But he give him her Lingerie so it not THAT bad. Cloud guy then get makeover from Bee girls in dressing room. HE FEEL PRETTY!
Cloud guy then go outside to find that Flower girl has made a killing selling flowers to luv deprived men. Yay. So after explaining again and AGAIN that Cloud guy STILL am a virgin to Flower girl, they head back to Dress shop to dress up into: PRETTY LADY CLOUD GUY, WAI! Everyone in shop then tease Cloud guy on his attire. Cloud guy fought down urge to kill and for first time, won. Flower girl try on dress SHE buy, and guess what? Cloud guy am prettier girl than she! This am nothing to be proud of. YAY! They then head off to Pimp mansion of Pimpness.
Once in mansion of SMUT, Cloud guy and Flower girl explore and find Boob chick at bottom of stairs in torture chamber. Boob chick explain why she there and Kimahri know it a good reason but Kimahri am to sleepy to talk about it. Kimahri can't see Kimahri's hand anymore. The three females (Though one am male) am then called to PIMP MAN for interview time!"
~Its chapter 3 and I now officially somewhat hate myself for this so called brilliant idea of a story. Yes, the above conversation between me and my brother did happen. I also, while typing it, accidentally spelled his name as "Mr. Oink" since O is right next to P. When he said "MR. OINK" outloud and pointed out my horrible error, I laughed and laughed while he stood their with his annoyed/murderous face. Twas funny. Thanks for the reviews, more soon. Not NOW but sooooon.~ Silver Neko, not of this Earth.