KIMAHRI'S MAGICAL TALE OF VII
~Glah. This story sucks my innards and turns it into a creamy past. A past of PAIN. I think I might need a few more positive reviews to give me the URGE to continue. I sound like the Cookie monster, "Feed me cookies or I will DIE." Teehee. Its funny because its true. On another note, Kingdom Hearts, you win this round! I'm going to cave in and write a Kimahri KH fic now, along with this one. I feel that I'll get the KH one done faster because its just SO easy to make jokes about that game. With VII, I have to scratch my licey scalp in deep thought on how to make Vincent funny and witty without angering those rabid yoai fangirls....even though I'm one too(YAY FOR ME!). So if you want to read about Key Boy(Sora) and Duck and Dog(You know who I'm talking about, unless you don't.) then go to the Kingdom Hearts category and gorge yourself on Kimahri goodness. Whee.~Silver Neko, won't shut up about Kingdom Hearts
"Ow, Kimahri mouth hurt. Get ready for more hurt, mouth. SO, Cloud Guy, Gun Man, Boob Chick, Flower Girl and Red Cat(Kimahri Jr!) walk walk walk for long time until they reach town of Kalm(Teehee, that play on words! Kalm: Calm. THAT SO CLEVER!). They go into Inn and then force Cloud guy into corner and demand life story out of him and how he know Spooky Dude. Cloud guy try to hold breath until he die but Boob chick then grab no no place(The BAD no no place, not the good one). Naughty Boob chick! This, of course, make Cloud guy inhale and foil planes for escape from this mortal coil. Haha! So Cloud guy put on pouty face and angrily tell story of sad, sad life. YAY!
Cloud guy say how when he SOLDIER, he and Spooky dude were on way to see what wrong with Mako pumpy machine in Cloud guy's hometown. On way they fight dragon who then die. Kimahri think Spooky dude have neat sword. IT ROCK! Anyway, when they get to Cloud guy's home, first thing Cloud guy do am go to Boob chick's home and steal panties. He smile with triumph. Cloud guy then snapped out of flashback by enraged Boob chick. RAGE! Then back to flashback. Cloud then(With panties safely tucked into pocket) head over to his house and talk to his moma. Awww. He go all around neighborhood and bother everyone. Uh oh! There am seem to be holes in Cloud guy's memory. Whack him! Next day, the TEAM meet up with Boob chick in HAT(She their guide through Mako pumpy of doom) and get picture taken. Awww. Picture am...something.
On way up bridge to Reactor, oh no! Snap for you! Bridge break! All fall down. On way back up, TEAM find "Naturally formed Materia" and then there am talky about Materia and Ancients. Blah. Spooky dude and Cloud guy go into Reactor and find many tubs of monster things. These am failures of Crazy scientist man's (He SO crazy!) horrible experiments. Out of NOWHERE, Spooky dude suddenly think maybe HE am also experiment of doom. Cloud guy just stare silently, brain not yet registering what the hell Spooky dude am talking about. Spooky dude then run out of Reactor, crying like teenage boy who's subscription to Playboy run out. Sniff. On impulse, Cloud guy decide to go to EVIL CORPORATION mansion, conveniently located next to Cloud guy's house.
Inside and down long cave of musty things, Cloud guy find Spooky dude in library of doom, reading about his mommy: Spooky Mommy. She am organism who am 2000 year old and then found by EVIL CORPORATION. She am thought to be an Ancient. He find out that they use her cells to make him, thus making Spooky dude an Ancient as well. There then some more stuff....uh...Kimahri no like using big words that describe horrible scientific experimenting with meat. Here short lazy version: What Spooky dude read make him go crazy in brain muscles. He destroy Cloud guy's town with fire produced from pure ANGST and kill all the townies, including Boob chick's and Cloud guy's parents. Awwww, wait...no. That bad. He then head back to Mako Reactor to free his Spooky momma from its bowels. On way, he do fun activities like stab Boob chick who am trying to avenge papa and also sing "A friend like me". Inside Reactor, he finally see his momma (She even more spooky then him!). Cloud guy leap at Spooky dude stupidly and then proceed to get stabbed in gut. After that, Cloud guy no remember nothing. This confuzzle him to no end.
Anyway, in Kalm town, the Heroes sneak up on multiple unsuspecting townsfolk and bombard them with questions about Spooky dude. They also barge into houses and take anything that am not nailed or bolted down. The children are traumatized! One spooked townsperson say he see Spooky dude heading East to grassy field of innocent Bunnies. NOT THE BUNNIES! The heroes flee to the field, but there am no Spooky dude....or Bunnies. WHYYYY?! Sooo....the party then decide that Spooky dude must am of gone to Mythril mine, but there horrible Midgar Zolom snake in water in front of mine, waiting to gobble up little girl taking goodies to Granny! And groups of unlikely heroes on an adventure! So Flower girl drag group to Chocobo Ranch. LOOK AT DE CUTE CHOCOBO! SO KWET! KAWI! OTHER WORDS FOR ADORABLE THINGS! When Cloud guy glare at prancing Chocobos, envying their carefree antics, they do a dance! DANCING LIKE A MONKEY! Then they spit up groups first Summon Materia: "Chocobo with Kamikaze Moogle who don't do nothing right and then Chocobo have to save him from horrible doom." They the shame of all Summons there ever am.
Choco Bill, man who own Ranch(It must be sad to have name be "Choco". So very sad.), say that he see Spooky dude cross marsh without being inhaled by large death snake. The only way for NORMAL person to get across am by Chocobo. He sell Cloud guy "Chocobo Lure" Materia, "Greens" bird food and make Cloud man and friends go out into field and chase after large birdies. WILL CLOUD GUY AND OTHERS GET BIRD?! Yes. Yes they do. So all of heroes climb onto fragile spine of hapless Chocobo and ride across marsh, away from snake. Gun man give slow stupid snake finger. On other side, Red Cat then eat Chocobo because it have outlived usefulness. Whee! Party then find other Zolom snake impaled on sharpened tree. Spooky dude is spoooooky.
In Mine, team run into Jerk man #2, #3 and Jerk chick. Jerk men and chick am looking for Spooky dude too. Jerk chick accidentally say that Spooky dude eez heading for Junon harbor. Jerk men yell at her and she very sorry. They then leave as oddly as they come. Out of mine, Heroes pass by Condor fort, but that place don't come until much much later in horrible tale of things. ANYWAY! While roaming about forest, hopelessly lost thanks to Flower Girl's sense of direction, team get attacked by Ninja Thief Girl. NINJA THIEF GIRL ATTACK,WAI! Team easily pummel her. When Ninja Thief girl am mass of pain, laying on ground, Cloud guy slooowly approach her. Though lure of save point am very great, Cloud guy know he no should take eyes off of Ninja or she steal his wallet.
He wake her up and she go, "You am jerk with bad hair! Ah keel you! We fight now!" and Cloud guy go, "Nah." and she go, "You very very scared of me, yes?!" and Cloud guy say, "Me am very scared of you. Stop staring at my crotch." and she turn around and take and few steps, but then she whip around and scream, "I really am departing! REALLY!" and Cloud guy like, "Wait! No leave me with these crazy people who grope me while I sleep!" and she all like, "You want me to staaay? With yoooou?" she have big watery eyes that can only mean one thing: She luv Cloud guy and want to him to be her Samurai and she be his Butterfly. In less poetic talky: She want to tie him to bed and violate him repeatedly. Cloud guy say, "That right! help us fight the evil and junk! I need food!" and she squeal with perverted girlish glee and say, "Yes! Me go with you and love you long time!" Cloud guy then silently stare at frightening Ninja Thief girl and realize horrible mistake he make. Silly Cloud guy, always getting into wacky shenanigans. Flower Girl and Boob chick silently glare at new predator for Cloud guy. Cloud guy then say, "Lets hurry to harbor before we all die from monster poison." And hurry they am did."
~That last part was fun to write. I love Samurai Jack! The one with the swords, and the guy, and then the thing, that rocked! An-ee-way, I hear they might not release FF 11 in America. That would suck like living with my Aunt would. I also want that newer version of FF 1 and 2 that they gunna release in Japan. Curse them and their bountiful fortune. Curse 'em I sez. I 'don wanna learn how to read Japanese. Me so lazy. Eeeee. I'm going to go work on the KH fic now. APPLAUSE DAMN YOU!~Silver Neko, really wants to see Spirited away
~Glah. This story sucks my innards and turns it into a creamy past. A past of PAIN. I think I might need a few more positive reviews to give me the URGE to continue. I sound like the Cookie monster, "Feed me cookies or I will DIE." Teehee. Its funny because its true. On another note, Kingdom Hearts, you win this round! I'm going to cave in and write a Kimahri KH fic now, along with this one. I feel that I'll get the KH one done faster because its just SO easy to make jokes about that game. With VII, I have to scratch my licey scalp in deep thought on how to make Vincent funny and witty without angering those rabid yoai fangirls....even though I'm one too(YAY FOR ME!). So if you want to read about Key Boy(Sora) and Duck and Dog(You know who I'm talking about, unless you don't.) then go to the Kingdom Hearts category and gorge yourself on Kimahri goodness. Whee.~Silver Neko, won't shut up about Kingdom Hearts
"Ow, Kimahri mouth hurt. Get ready for more hurt, mouth. SO, Cloud Guy, Gun Man, Boob Chick, Flower Girl and Red Cat(Kimahri Jr!) walk walk walk for long time until they reach town of Kalm(Teehee, that play on words! Kalm: Calm. THAT SO CLEVER!). They go into Inn and then force Cloud guy into corner and demand life story out of him and how he know Spooky Dude. Cloud guy try to hold breath until he die but Boob chick then grab no no place(The BAD no no place, not the good one). Naughty Boob chick! This, of course, make Cloud guy inhale and foil planes for escape from this mortal coil. Haha! So Cloud guy put on pouty face and angrily tell story of sad, sad life. YAY!
Cloud guy say how when he SOLDIER, he and Spooky dude were on way to see what wrong with Mako pumpy machine in Cloud guy's hometown. On way they fight dragon who then die. Kimahri think Spooky dude have neat sword. IT ROCK! Anyway, when they get to Cloud guy's home, first thing Cloud guy do am go to Boob chick's home and steal panties. He smile with triumph. Cloud guy then snapped out of flashback by enraged Boob chick. RAGE! Then back to flashback. Cloud then(With panties safely tucked into pocket) head over to his house and talk to his moma. Awww. He go all around neighborhood and bother everyone. Uh oh! There am seem to be holes in Cloud guy's memory. Whack him! Next day, the TEAM meet up with Boob chick in HAT(She their guide through Mako pumpy of doom) and get picture taken. Awww. Picture am...something.
On way up bridge to Reactor, oh no! Snap for you! Bridge break! All fall down. On way back up, TEAM find "Naturally formed Materia" and then there am talky about Materia and Ancients. Blah. Spooky dude and Cloud guy go into Reactor and find many tubs of monster things. These am failures of Crazy scientist man's (He SO crazy!) horrible experiments. Out of NOWHERE, Spooky dude suddenly think maybe HE am also experiment of doom. Cloud guy just stare silently, brain not yet registering what the hell Spooky dude am talking about. Spooky dude then run out of Reactor, crying like teenage boy who's subscription to Playboy run out. Sniff. On impulse, Cloud guy decide to go to EVIL CORPORATION mansion, conveniently located next to Cloud guy's house.
Inside and down long cave of musty things, Cloud guy find Spooky dude in library of doom, reading about his mommy: Spooky Mommy. She am organism who am 2000 year old and then found by EVIL CORPORATION. She am thought to be an Ancient. He find out that they use her cells to make him, thus making Spooky dude an Ancient as well. There then some more stuff....uh...Kimahri no like using big words that describe horrible scientific experimenting with meat. Here short lazy version: What Spooky dude read make him go crazy in brain muscles. He destroy Cloud guy's town with fire produced from pure ANGST and kill all the townies, including Boob chick's and Cloud guy's parents. Awwww, wait...no. That bad. He then head back to Mako Reactor to free his Spooky momma from its bowels. On way, he do fun activities like stab Boob chick who am trying to avenge papa and also sing "A friend like me". Inside Reactor, he finally see his momma (She even more spooky then him!). Cloud guy leap at Spooky dude stupidly and then proceed to get stabbed in gut. After that, Cloud guy no remember nothing. This confuzzle him to no end.
Anyway, in Kalm town, the Heroes sneak up on multiple unsuspecting townsfolk and bombard them with questions about Spooky dude. They also barge into houses and take anything that am not nailed or bolted down. The children are traumatized! One spooked townsperson say he see Spooky dude heading East to grassy field of innocent Bunnies. NOT THE BUNNIES! The heroes flee to the field, but there am no Spooky dude....or Bunnies. WHYYYY?! Sooo....the party then decide that Spooky dude must am of gone to Mythril mine, but there horrible Midgar Zolom snake in water in front of mine, waiting to gobble up little girl taking goodies to Granny! And groups of unlikely heroes on an adventure! So Flower girl drag group to Chocobo Ranch. LOOK AT DE CUTE CHOCOBO! SO KWET! KAWI! OTHER WORDS FOR ADORABLE THINGS! When Cloud guy glare at prancing Chocobos, envying their carefree antics, they do a dance! DANCING LIKE A MONKEY! Then they spit up groups first Summon Materia: "Chocobo with Kamikaze Moogle who don't do nothing right and then Chocobo have to save him from horrible doom." They the shame of all Summons there ever am.
Choco Bill, man who own Ranch(It must be sad to have name be "Choco". So very sad.), say that he see Spooky dude cross marsh without being inhaled by large death snake. The only way for NORMAL person to get across am by Chocobo. He sell Cloud guy "Chocobo Lure" Materia, "Greens" bird food and make Cloud man and friends go out into field and chase after large birdies. WILL CLOUD GUY AND OTHERS GET BIRD?! Yes. Yes they do. So all of heroes climb onto fragile spine of hapless Chocobo and ride across marsh, away from snake. Gun man give slow stupid snake finger. On other side, Red Cat then eat Chocobo because it have outlived usefulness. Whee! Party then find other Zolom snake impaled on sharpened tree. Spooky dude is spoooooky.
In Mine, team run into Jerk man #2, #3 and Jerk chick. Jerk men and chick am looking for Spooky dude too. Jerk chick accidentally say that Spooky dude eez heading for Junon harbor. Jerk men yell at her and she very sorry. They then leave as oddly as they come. Out of mine, Heroes pass by Condor fort, but that place don't come until much much later in horrible tale of things. ANYWAY! While roaming about forest, hopelessly lost thanks to Flower Girl's sense of direction, team get attacked by Ninja Thief Girl. NINJA THIEF GIRL ATTACK,WAI! Team easily pummel her. When Ninja Thief girl am mass of pain, laying on ground, Cloud guy slooowly approach her. Though lure of save point am very great, Cloud guy know he no should take eyes off of Ninja or she steal his wallet.
He wake her up and she go, "You am jerk with bad hair! Ah keel you! We fight now!" and Cloud guy go, "Nah." and she go, "You very very scared of me, yes?!" and Cloud guy say, "Me am very scared of you. Stop staring at my crotch." and she turn around and take and few steps, but then she whip around and scream, "I really am departing! REALLY!" and Cloud guy like, "Wait! No leave me with these crazy people who grope me while I sleep!" and she all like, "You want me to staaay? With yoooou?" she have big watery eyes that can only mean one thing: She luv Cloud guy and want to him to be her Samurai and she be his Butterfly. In less poetic talky: She want to tie him to bed and violate him repeatedly. Cloud guy say, "That right! help us fight the evil and junk! I need food!" and she squeal with perverted girlish glee and say, "Yes! Me go with you and love you long time!" Cloud guy then silently stare at frightening Ninja Thief girl and realize horrible mistake he make. Silly Cloud guy, always getting into wacky shenanigans. Flower Girl and Boob chick silently glare at new predator for Cloud guy. Cloud guy then say, "Lets hurry to harbor before we all die from monster poison." And hurry they am did."
~That last part was fun to write. I love Samurai Jack! The one with the swords, and the guy, and then the thing, that rocked! An-ee-way, I hear they might not release FF 11 in America. That would suck like living with my Aunt would. I also want that newer version of FF 1 and 2 that they gunna release in Japan. Curse them and their bountiful fortune. Curse 'em I sez. I 'don wanna learn how to read Japanese. Me so lazy. Eeeee. I'm going to go work on the KH fic now. APPLAUSE DAMN YOU!~Silver Neko, really wants to see Spirited away