2007, two weeks later
"Love?" Spike whispers in my ear as I lay half-dozing on the living room sofa.
I painfully open one eye at him. "Yeah?"
He sits down with a sigh next my feet and picks up one leg gently. He massages my calf muscle, careful not to press too hard because too much pressure bruises me. "I made sure Dawn left for uni for her night classes this evening. She didn't want to go, but I thought it'd be good for her to get out for a bit."
Wincing as one of his motions on my leg sends a sharp shoot of pain up my body, I manage to smile, "Good."
"Did you manage to eat anything?" He switches to the opposite leg.
"No. A little," my volume fades toward the end of my brief utterance, and I leave my eyes shut, relishing his touch on my bare thigh beneath my nightgown.
I know he's studied the still full soup bowl on the coffee table before he speaks again, "Are you sure you don't want to go back to the hospital, love?"
Spike, Dawn, Xander, and Willow forced me to go to the hospital emergency room last week after I fell down the stairs and received a nasty cut on my face and almost broke my arm. The bleeding refused to stop, so I relented and went to the emergency room.
"No," I state adamantly. "No tests." The doctors at the hospital had run what seemed like an infinite number of tests on my blood. I know I must appear to be a junky with my arm dotted with unhealed needle holes, my hair limp, and my skin pale.
Spike is silent but pensive as he finishes massaging my legs, and then, he softly picks me up and cradles my body in his lap.
"Ummm.loving the holding," I murmur weakly. His body is cold against the constant fever that I'm running.
A heartbeat later, he asks, "Have you thought about what we discussed?"
"No. Need more time to decide." I press my forehead into his neck.
"Buffy, we don't have more time. You could go any moment. The doctors know what they're talking about, love.this time, at least."
"I know."
He says nothing. I let several minutes pass, and he brushes his hand back and forth over my shoulder blade rhythmically. Aware of the magnitude of what I am about to do, I draw up as much energy as I can, lift my head, and open my eyes. For the first time that evening, his sapphire eyes shine into my own.
"Yes," I declare clearly so that neither he nor I can mistake the meaning of my word.
"Are you certain?" He is hesitant because the turn of events is not what he expected.
I make up for his uncertainty, "Yes, I am sure."
He lays me gently on the sofa and balances on his arms above me, taking steps not to smash my frail body. "Feel free to stop this at any time. And remember how much I love you no matter what happens."
Too fatigued to reply, I smile and tell him to continue with my eyes. He sweeps my hair away from my neck and licks the scar where Angel, the Master, and Dracula have bitten me in the past. He growls as he shifts to vampire face, and I shiver as I feel two tiny needles of pain dig into the surface of my flesh. His teeth remain in place as he allows the implications of the decision I made to become real in my mind. I feel something wet on my neck, and I recognize the source is not my blood but tears falling from my sweet lover's eyes.
With that, I make my decision final.
Inhaling so deeply my chest hurts, I bring my neck forward so that his teeth fully enter my neck and my bloodstream.
At first, the injury aches acutely, and my natural instincts encourage me to fight the bond as my lover drinks. I push my palms against him almost desperately. Slowly, the distress eases like a raging river, and I comprehend that this experience is going to be nothing like the bond I shared with Angel when I allowed him to drink from me to save him. This time, someone is saving me because neither of us has had enough time together. We are defying nature in the most selfish way possible.
Slowly, the distress of the initial merging eases like a raging river that is dammed off to a gentle stream, and I relax as he empties my body's life force as if he is a man dying of thirst in a dehydrated desert. We make no audible sounds although the flames from the fireplace roar like we are drowning in the fiery sea of hell.
My body becomes lighter and lighter until I feel weightless, and I know that if I let loose his arms, I will undoubtedly soar up into the heavens and leave the planet forever. I do not fear whatever is to happen next, and I do not resist when he comes to his feet and races me from the intense blaze of luminescence into the cold shock of night.
He runs, it seems, faster than the deadly winds of a hurricane, and I manage somehow to turn my head against the abrading force. I tremble as the remainder of the heat in my limbs dissipates into the wind and is reabsorbed by the energy of the living earth.
Am I dying? I do not feel dead. Although my soul is slick with sticky blood, life holds onto my fingertips with fierce concentration.
I hardly notice when the atmosphere changes, and the gale ceases. My vision is blurry as he carries me into the shelter; the only clear object my mind registers is a row of long, pearl-white teeth that glow against the gulf of shadows. My mind grasps the purity, and the whiteness grows to fill my entire consciousness.
He settles down with me curled despondent on his lap, and his fingers reach out to caress the ivory planks. The diaphanous notes swirl around my desiccated muscles and allow them to unearth and gather small puddles of oxygenated blood. Instinct guides me slowly up the wall of his chest and over his rising and falling shoulder to reach his broad neck.
My eyes focus on a pulsating artery that cries out with the richness of life.my life. My entire body is scraping up the last of its vitality, and I want what lies beneath the gossamer layer of skin. As if the blood vessel registers my desire, a thin stream of red liquid erupts with a will of its own through the barrier. My tremulous tongue reaches to catch the flowing drops.
My senses are immediately overwhelmed and intoxicated. Every cell of my being is consumed with a need for more. With renewed strength, I reach up and up to suck and suck, joining his powerful essence with my weakened one.
The music drives on with increasing complexity and potency.
His life force plays and dances through my blood vessels in time to the notes that erupt forth from his fingertips until suddenly I reach the bottom of his soul. Afraid to resume my original velocity, I hesitate.
The urgency of his movements forces me to continue.
I meet with raw, unadulterated pain that sweeps forward and mingles with the naked motif. The mournful melody permeates every inch of the atmosphere and soon fills my own soul until I am intricately and permanently connected to him.
Deliberately, the music begins to fade into the obscurity of the piano's memory. Vainly and feebly, his shaking hands try to force me away. Stalwartly, I cling to his neck, passionately trying to regain the euphoria I have just experienced. At last, I feel him summon all his mental energy and hurl the force directly at me.
We tumble apart.
I am aware that he stands unsteadily. I attempt to imitate his actions, but in the strangeness of never felt inebriation, I collapse to the smooth ground. Drowsiness washes over me.
He arrives at my side, and with a struggle, he lifts me onto a soft, cushioned plane. As I sink down, my fingers run lightly over his forearms. How very odd I feel. With keen awareness of my body, I listen for the sound of my heart, but I cannot hear anything. I am so tired. The newness can be explored later.
He falls in exhaustion next to me, and he draws me close.closer than he and I have ever been. I still have my soul; I can feel it, wrestling around inside of me, fighting the newly born demon. I know who will win. That's my last thought as I fall asleep, dreaming of the darkness.
And I have never been happier in my life.
TBC..(next stop 2016) Glad you guys are enjoying this!!!
"Love?" Spike whispers in my ear as I lay half-dozing on the living room sofa.
I painfully open one eye at him. "Yeah?"
He sits down with a sigh next my feet and picks up one leg gently. He massages my calf muscle, careful not to press too hard because too much pressure bruises me. "I made sure Dawn left for uni for her night classes this evening. She didn't want to go, but I thought it'd be good for her to get out for a bit."
Wincing as one of his motions on my leg sends a sharp shoot of pain up my body, I manage to smile, "Good."
"Did you manage to eat anything?" He switches to the opposite leg.
"No. A little," my volume fades toward the end of my brief utterance, and I leave my eyes shut, relishing his touch on my bare thigh beneath my nightgown.
I know he's studied the still full soup bowl on the coffee table before he speaks again, "Are you sure you don't want to go back to the hospital, love?"
Spike, Dawn, Xander, and Willow forced me to go to the hospital emergency room last week after I fell down the stairs and received a nasty cut on my face and almost broke my arm. The bleeding refused to stop, so I relented and went to the emergency room.
"No," I state adamantly. "No tests." The doctors at the hospital had run what seemed like an infinite number of tests on my blood. I know I must appear to be a junky with my arm dotted with unhealed needle holes, my hair limp, and my skin pale.
Spike is silent but pensive as he finishes massaging my legs, and then, he softly picks me up and cradles my body in his lap.
"Ummm.loving the holding," I murmur weakly. His body is cold against the constant fever that I'm running.
A heartbeat later, he asks, "Have you thought about what we discussed?"
"No. Need more time to decide." I press my forehead into his neck.
"Buffy, we don't have more time. You could go any moment. The doctors know what they're talking about, love.this time, at least."
"I know."
He says nothing. I let several minutes pass, and he brushes his hand back and forth over my shoulder blade rhythmically. Aware of the magnitude of what I am about to do, I draw up as much energy as I can, lift my head, and open my eyes. For the first time that evening, his sapphire eyes shine into my own.
"Yes," I declare clearly so that neither he nor I can mistake the meaning of my word.
"Are you certain?" He is hesitant because the turn of events is not what he expected.
I make up for his uncertainty, "Yes, I am sure."
He lays me gently on the sofa and balances on his arms above me, taking steps not to smash my frail body. "Feel free to stop this at any time. And remember how much I love you no matter what happens."
Too fatigued to reply, I smile and tell him to continue with my eyes. He sweeps my hair away from my neck and licks the scar where Angel, the Master, and Dracula have bitten me in the past. He growls as he shifts to vampire face, and I shiver as I feel two tiny needles of pain dig into the surface of my flesh. His teeth remain in place as he allows the implications of the decision I made to become real in my mind. I feel something wet on my neck, and I recognize the source is not my blood but tears falling from my sweet lover's eyes.
With that, I make my decision final.
Inhaling so deeply my chest hurts, I bring my neck forward so that his teeth fully enter my neck and my bloodstream.
At first, the injury aches acutely, and my natural instincts encourage me to fight the bond as my lover drinks. I push my palms against him almost desperately. Slowly, the distress eases like a raging river, and I comprehend that this experience is going to be nothing like the bond I shared with Angel when I allowed him to drink from me to save him. This time, someone is saving me because neither of us has had enough time together. We are defying nature in the most selfish way possible.
Slowly, the distress of the initial merging eases like a raging river that is dammed off to a gentle stream, and I relax as he empties my body's life force as if he is a man dying of thirst in a dehydrated desert. We make no audible sounds although the flames from the fireplace roar like we are drowning in the fiery sea of hell.
My body becomes lighter and lighter until I feel weightless, and I know that if I let loose his arms, I will undoubtedly soar up into the heavens and leave the planet forever. I do not fear whatever is to happen next, and I do not resist when he comes to his feet and races me from the intense blaze of luminescence into the cold shock of night.
He runs, it seems, faster than the deadly winds of a hurricane, and I manage somehow to turn my head against the abrading force. I tremble as the remainder of the heat in my limbs dissipates into the wind and is reabsorbed by the energy of the living earth.
Am I dying? I do not feel dead. Although my soul is slick with sticky blood, life holds onto my fingertips with fierce concentration.
I hardly notice when the atmosphere changes, and the gale ceases. My vision is blurry as he carries me into the shelter; the only clear object my mind registers is a row of long, pearl-white teeth that glow against the gulf of shadows. My mind grasps the purity, and the whiteness grows to fill my entire consciousness.
He settles down with me curled despondent on his lap, and his fingers reach out to caress the ivory planks. The diaphanous notes swirl around my desiccated muscles and allow them to unearth and gather small puddles of oxygenated blood. Instinct guides me slowly up the wall of his chest and over his rising and falling shoulder to reach his broad neck.
My eyes focus on a pulsating artery that cries out with the richness of life.my life. My entire body is scraping up the last of its vitality, and I want what lies beneath the gossamer layer of skin. As if the blood vessel registers my desire, a thin stream of red liquid erupts with a will of its own through the barrier. My tremulous tongue reaches to catch the flowing drops.
My senses are immediately overwhelmed and intoxicated. Every cell of my being is consumed with a need for more. With renewed strength, I reach up and up to suck and suck, joining his powerful essence with my weakened one.
The music drives on with increasing complexity and potency.
His life force plays and dances through my blood vessels in time to the notes that erupt forth from his fingertips until suddenly I reach the bottom of his soul. Afraid to resume my original velocity, I hesitate.
The urgency of his movements forces me to continue.
I meet with raw, unadulterated pain that sweeps forward and mingles with the naked motif. The mournful melody permeates every inch of the atmosphere and soon fills my own soul until I am intricately and permanently connected to him.
Deliberately, the music begins to fade into the obscurity of the piano's memory. Vainly and feebly, his shaking hands try to force me away. Stalwartly, I cling to his neck, passionately trying to regain the euphoria I have just experienced. At last, I feel him summon all his mental energy and hurl the force directly at me.
We tumble apart.
I am aware that he stands unsteadily. I attempt to imitate his actions, but in the strangeness of never felt inebriation, I collapse to the smooth ground. Drowsiness washes over me.
He arrives at my side, and with a struggle, he lifts me onto a soft, cushioned plane. As I sink down, my fingers run lightly over his forearms. How very odd I feel. With keen awareness of my body, I listen for the sound of my heart, but I cannot hear anything. I am so tired. The newness can be explored later.
He falls in exhaustion next to me, and he draws me close.closer than he and I have ever been. I still have my soul; I can feel it, wrestling around inside of me, fighting the newly born demon. I know who will win. That's my last thought as I fall asleep, dreaming of the darkness.
And I have never been happier in my life.
TBC..(next stop 2016) Glad you guys are enjoying this!!!