2016, the next evening
Spike slips catlike up behind me and enfolds me into his arms. Smelling of a recently smoked cigarette and of the peppermint that he's flipping around in his mouth, he lowers his head to my shoulder so that he's on level with my view of the world. I place my forearms over his, tracing circles on the backs of his hands with my fingertips.
"Knew I'd find you here, pet," he breathes into my ear.
I'm standing at the window to the maternity ward newborn room, staring at Natalia's round fair head and tuft of dark hair. Her expression is one of utter peace as she sleeps, her tiny rosebud mouth working occasionally as she dreams.
"Did you know that her eyes are blue like Dawn's when she opens them?" I ask in a low voice.
"Really?"
"Yes." I pause. "She's perfect. so beautiful. makes me just want to protect her from the horrors that she will soon experience."
"Buffy."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you sometimes regret staying here with me?"
I turn to raise my eyebrows at him. "What do you mean?" My gaze returns to the small life on the other side of the glass. "I love you. And where else would I go? You and Dawn are my whole life."
"I mean, do you sometimes regret me turning you?" he persists, rubbing my stomach.
My stomach drops as compassion floods my heart at the pain and tinge of fear in his words. Tightening my hold on his arms, I squeeze him tenderly. "No. Never."
Natalia's foot kicks out from beneath her hospital dress.
"I saw how you looked at the child vampire last night. You wanted to take her home with us."
How does he know me so well? And he never lets me get away with not admitting the truth to him and myself. "Yes."
"You know what she would have done. We don't even know how old she was. She could have been decades old."
"Are there many children who are turned into vampires?" I wonder.
Natalia opens her eyes, squinting a bit in the light of the room. I can see her pink toothless gums as she begins to cry in hunger. A nurse promptly strides across the room and gently cradles the wailing baby in her arms as she softly presents her with soothing sounds.
"Well, older vampires. before my time. used to turn three or four children. Say, one child for every ten minions."
"Why?"
"They viewed it as increasing their chances of keeping everyone fed and happy. Not many people could resist an innocent little child in need of help."
"That's terrible." I shiver at the idea of witnessing a child vampire feeding.
"Yes."
"How come they stopped doing it as much? Turning children, I mean."
"Most vampires found it to be too disturbing to have child vampires around especially after they got past a certain age. And minions who were younger vamps than the child vamps were intimidated and ended up killing many of them. Eventually, the practice of turning children to vampires dwindled," Spike explains while watching Natalia as I am.
"Oh."
The nurse is readying Natalia for a trip to see her mother. I guess that Spike and I should head upstairs to meet with Dawn during designated visiting hours.
Spike breaks away and leans against the glass window with his palms on the ledge. He holds my attention with the seriousness in his eyes. "Buffy, do you regret not being able to have a child?"
I have to tell him the truth. "Sometimes," I murmur, not able to maintain eye contact at the thought of him hurting.
In the corner of my eye, Spike bows his head. After a few minutes, he speaks, "I wish I could do something about that, pet, but I can't. You know I'd give you the world if I could."
Without hesitation, I throw myself at him, lacing my arms inside his coat and crushing him to me as a child might hug him. "Ooooh, mister. I know."
After an instant of being stunned, he kisses the top of my head and brushes his lips against mine. "I love you."
I purposefully make sure he views the truth in my face as I pull back and really look at him. "I love you, too. And if I have to give up having babies in favor of having you in my world, I'd gladly do it all over again. You *are* my world."
A door clicks open, and the nurse from the other room wheels Natalia into the corridor. She smiles when she recognizes us. "Hey, aren't you two relatives of little Natalia here?"
Returning her amicable expression, I release Spike but still grasp his hand while stepping toward the nurse. "Yes."
"Well, then. Would you like to hold her for a minute before I bring her up for a feeding?"
"Oh, yes!"
The next thing I know, I feel the tiny warm bundle squirming in my arms. Her sweetness and beauty amaze me, and I beam back at Spike whose eyes sparkle with joy in response.
* * *
Spike slips catlike up behind me and enfolds me into his arms. Smelling of a recently smoked cigarette and of the peppermint that he's flipping around in his mouth, he lowers his head to my shoulder so that he's on level with my view of the world. I place my forearms over his, tracing circles on the backs of his hands with my fingertips.
"Knew I'd find you here, pet," he breathes into my ear.
I'm standing at the window to the maternity ward newborn room, staring at Natalia's round fair head and tuft of dark hair. Her expression is one of utter peace as she sleeps, her tiny rosebud mouth working occasionally as she dreams.
"Did you know that her eyes are blue like Dawn's when she opens them?" I ask in a low voice.
"Really?"
"Yes." I pause. "She's perfect. so beautiful. makes me just want to protect her from the horrors that she will soon experience."
"Buffy."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you sometimes regret staying here with me?"
I turn to raise my eyebrows at him. "What do you mean?" My gaze returns to the small life on the other side of the glass. "I love you. And where else would I go? You and Dawn are my whole life."
"I mean, do you sometimes regret me turning you?" he persists, rubbing my stomach.
My stomach drops as compassion floods my heart at the pain and tinge of fear in his words. Tightening my hold on his arms, I squeeze him tenderly. "No. Never."
Natalia's foot kicks out from beneath her hospital dress.
"I saw how you looked at the child vampire last night. You wanted to take her home with us."
How does he know me so well? And he never lets me get away with not admitting the truth to him and myself. "Yes."
"You know what she would have done. We don't even know how old she was. She could have been decades old."
"Are there many children who are turned into vampires?" I wonder.
Natalia opens her eyes, squinting a bit in the light of the room. I can see her pink toothless gums as she begins to cry in hunger. A nurse promptly strides across the room and gently cradles the wailing baby in her arms as she softly presents her with soothing sounds.
"Well, older vampires. before my time. used to turn three or four children. Say, one child for every ten minions."
"Why?"
"They viewed it as increasing their chances of keeping everyone fed and happy. Not many people could resist an innocent little child in need of help."
"That's terrible." I shiver at the idea of witnessing a child vampire feeding.
"Yes."
"How come they stopped doing it as much? Turning children, I mean."
"Most vampires found it to be too disturbing to have child vampires around especially after they got past a certain age. And minions who were younger vamps than the child vamps were intimidated and ended up killing many of them. Eventually, the practice of turning children to vampires dwindled," Spike explains while watching Natalia as I am.
"Oh."
The nurse is readying Natalia for a trip to see her mother. I guess that Spike and I should head upstairs to meet with Dawn during designated visiting hours.
Spike breaks away and leans against the glass window with his palms on the ledge. He holds my attention with the seriousness in his eyes. "Buffy, do you regret not being able to have a child?"
I have to tell him the truth. "Sometimes," I murmur, not able to maintain eye contact at the thought of him hurting.
In the corner of my eye, Spike bows his head. After a few minutes, he speaks, "I wish I could do something about that, pet, but I can't. You know I'd give you the world if I could."
Without hesitation, I throw myself at him, lacing my arms inside his coat and crushing him to me as a child might hug him. "Ooooh, mister. I know."
After an instant of being stunned, he kisses the top of my head and brushes his lips against mine. "I love you."
I purposefully make sure he views the truth in my face as I pull back and really look at him. "I love you, too. And if I have to give up having babies in favor of having you in my world, I'd gladly do it all over again. You *are* my world."
A door clicks open, and the nurse from the other room wheels Natalia into the corridor. She smiles when she recognizes us. "Hey, aren't you two relatives of little Natalia here?"
Returning her amicable expression, I release Spike but still grasp his hand while stepping toward the nurse. "Yes."
"Well, then. Would you like to hold her for a minute before I bring her up for a feeding?"
"Oh, yes!"
The next thing I know, I feel the tiny warm bundle squirming in my arms. Her sweetness and beauty amaze me, and I beam back at Spike whose eyes sparkle with joy in response.
* * *