Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters in this story that appear in the hit syndicated TV show, Dark Angel, which are owned by James Cameron. Any and all original characters are strictly mine. Please ask before you use them.
Summary: My M/A Dark Angel Halloween Special, despite the fact that Halloween is over ^_~. When a witch switches Max and Alec's bodies, they're going to have to learn to get along to change back.
Never Trust Hags Without Wands
By
Brin"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"" - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
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Max shook her head at Original Cindy, who was dressing up as a man for Halloween again. "How many years have you had that costume?"
OC finished applying her mustache and shrugged. "Original Cindy doesn't like to count the years." She turned around. "Makes me depressed."
The X5 laughed. "Whatever you say, OC."
"So what're you being for Halloween, Boo?" asked Original Cindy as she admired herself in the mirror.
"How about a genetically engineered killing machine?"
"You mean you been wearing a costume all year long?"
Max laughed again and playfully shoved her friend. "Shut up. I'm heading out while you perfect the art of cross-dressing and win the contest at Crash yet again."
"That's right, Boo! Original Cindy always wins best Cross Dresser." She winked at her friend. "Maybe you could go as a homicidal maniac."
"Been there, done that," replied Max as she left.
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Crash was full of more weirdos than usual that Halloween night. It had vampires and ghouls and gorillas and milk cartons and M & Ms and bananas and everything under the sun. Sketchy was dressed as a Pre-Pulse cartoon named Spongebob Squarepants this year.
"What the hell?" asked Max as she approached him. "Look, Sketchy, I knew you were juvenile but this…"
Sketchy downed his shot and grinned knowingly. "Hey, the ladies love a man who knows his Pre-Pulse entertainment, and Spongebob is popular with the kids." He leaned close "Single moms, Max. They're the new hot thing."
Max narrowed her eyes and hit him on the head. "Perv."
"I try my best."
She hit him again then made her way over to the bar. "I'll have a beer."
A ten-dollar bill was slapped on the table next to her, followed by a familiar voice saying, "I'll have one too. On me."
Max groaned. "Can't you leave me alone for just one night, Alec?"
"But Max, don't you love me?" he replied with a wink. "I bought you a drink. It doesn't get much better than that."
Max accepted her beer and shoved past him. "Go away, Alec."
"What, no thank you?"
"No."
"Gee, what are you for Halloween? The Ice Queen?"
Max whirled around, splashing some of her drink onto him. "Alec! What is up with you? Don't you have someone else to torment until they crack?!"
Alec shrugged, took a swig of beer, and replied, "But you're so much fun."
"You-you… ARGH!" Max shoved him back, knocking him into someone dressed as an old hag.
"Hey! You watch it, girlie!" screeched the hag.
Max rolled her eyes and said, "He ran into you, not me."
"But you pushed me," protested Alec bitterly.
"Hey—" The hag tried to get their attention.
"Well you were in my way." Max crossed her arms over her chest.
"There was enough room for you to walk around," replied Alec with a glare.
"You two—"
She was interrupted again by Max who blurted, "Well you're an asshole and you deserved that push! Leave me alone!"
"Well fine then! Maybe I will!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Angered, the hag threw both arms up in the air, yelling, "STOP!"
Both Max and Alec looked at the hag, realized that this was not a costume and was, indeed, a wrinkly old woman.
"What's your problem lady? What are you doing here?" asked Max.
She glared at them both. "You two are insolent children! What happened to the golden rule?"
"I'm sorry, but that was Pre-Pulse kindergarten. We're grown people. We can take care of ourselves," said Alec irritably.
"This won't do… this won't do at all," the old woman began to mumble.
Max took a drink of her beer, then abruptly spit it back out as she realized that the room had gone dead silent – no one was moving. Sketchy was frozen mid-step as he approached a young woman dressed as a go-go dancer. Alcohol stood still just above a waiting man's tongue. A clumsy young teenager was about to spill his drink onto his unsuspecting girlfriend's bunny rabbit costume. The music had even stopped.
"What did you do?" barked the female X5 in alarm.
The hag smiled, baring rotten teeth. "Dearie, you know what Halloween brings –witches and ghouls and ghosts!" She shook a gnarled finger at them. "And you two are spoiling it!"
"Well what are you going to do, put a spell on us?" asked Alec sarcastically.
"Why yes, how did you guess?" replied the hag.
Alec chortled at her and continued drinking, taking no notice as the woman pulled a pouch out of her bag. He did take notice, however, when she removed a handful of powder from the bag and threw it at them.
"Hey! What was that for?" growled Max, now extremely agitated with the old woman.
"Children, children, insolent and immature, a spell be set upon you now – you cannot resist its allure, and for the spell – strong and pure, there is only one cure!" She tossed the rest of the powder on them, then clapped her hands together and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Max and Alec shouted in surprise as the world seemed to quake, then everything was back to normal… except for one thing. Max looked down at her hands. They were large and callused. Her arms were muscled and… she looked down at her chest.
"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Alec in Max's voice, both hands on his chest in utter shock.
"Don't dare touch those again!" warned Max in Alec's voice, swatting his hands away from her body. Oh, this was confusing.
A smirk crossed Alec's face despite the confusion. "I can look at myself in the mirror… and I can take off my clothes and…"
Max lunged for him, but she was slow and clumsy in Alec's body and harmlessly tumbled to the floor.
"Ha, ha!" said Alec, obviously thinking Max had the downside of this switch.
"A little too much to drink, eh Alec?" asked Sketchy, walking over. "Hey, Max."
Alec crossed his arms over Max's chest. "Hi."
"We are leaving – now!" shouted Max, jumping to her feet. She grabbed Alec's arm and started leading him towards the door.
"Gee, Alec, keep it in your pants," called Sketchy after them.
Max skidded to a halt, face bright red with embarrassment, then shook her head and shoved Alec out the door.
This was not cool.