A Bad Day (I Thought): From Janine's Journal

I really thought today was the pits until 1:00 PM, but it's funny how things turn out. Before today I only knew of the Saffron City gym leader Sabrina Natsume by reputation. She was notorious, the word on her was that she was cold, self centered, dangerously manipulative, and cruel. It was said she would abuse her great psychic powers to first defeat challengers then make them into her personal playthings until she tired of them when they would be cast out of the gym with their minds turned inside out from the psychological beating they received. I was certain she was doing the same thing to Dad after he came home from a mission with her feverish and incoherent with some unspecified disease. But you know...Sabrina is all right, and this has surprised me.

Sabrina Natsume arrived here (the Fuchsia City Pokémon Gym) about 9:30 this morning with some tall gal with a big curl of red hair named Jessica Musashi. Aya said Musashi is (or was) a member of Team Rocket. "All the more bad news about Natsume and the company she keeps," I thought when I was told this. Natsume insisted on seeing Dad, but Hiro, our receptionist, made sure she talked to me first. I was really angry about her arriving at our gym to finish Dad off and I told her so. That's when I had my first shock of the day, the imperious Natsume was quiet and timid. She insisted that she was worried sick about Dad because, get this, she's in love with him. If I had been less wary and angry I might have believed her because darned if she didn't start crying. She was honest enough to admit to her ugly past deeds but she insisted she had changed and never did those things anymore. I was having none of that and told her to get out. My next surprise was her refusal to fight back, I took it to be cowardice, but I was wrong.

Next thing I know my Aunt Aya steps into the room and says Natsume wants to challenge me as proxy gym leader for the Soul Badge. What's more if I lost I had to let her see Dad. "Right," I say to myself. "So she's not giving up." You can't turn down such a highly ranked challenger so I had to grant the battle, and I decided it was only fair to accept her stipulation.

We set the battle for noon and I was no match for her. I did my best to use bug and ghost attacks against her psychic Pokémon but she used a combination of Wobbuffet, Jynx and Alakazam to best my Weezing, Venonat, Golbat and Ariados. That hurt, I broke down and cried myself - I may still have a lot to learn but my pride was stung. Dad managed to somehow get out of bed and made his way into the gym. I could tell by the warmth and admiration in his voice that Sabrina was dear to him. That hurt too. Dad forced me to admit that she is a fair and skilled trainer. She's kind too, she put her arms around me and tried to comfort me. The amazing thing was I could tell she was sincere and that she meant it when she said she really wanted to know me because I was Koga's daughter.

We each took one of Dad's arms and guided him back to his room near the main gym. We eased him back into his bed and Sabrina pulled up the covers and kissed him on the forehead, then she looked at me across the bed. I hadn't noticed her eyes before, you get lost in them they're so deep, calm and mysterious. Dad said, "Hardly ideal circumstances, but I'm glad you two have met. There's no better way to know someone that to have an intense Pokémon match with them."

I was still swimming in those violet pools and could only manage a terse, "Uh huh."

Sabrina smiled a wistful little smile and let her eyelids slip down allowing me to come around. "An impressive young lioness you have to protect your pride Koga dear," she murmured.

I blushed, I couldn't help it really, because she said this with utter sincerity too. "I...I'm sorry I was so mean to you. You're much nicer than I expected, and..."

"I really do seem to love your Dad," the smile had yet to disappear. "I couldn't expect you to read my mind, I know that's a skill only a few, like me, have developed."

"About your mother," Sabrina started a new tack. "You needn't worry about my trying to 'replace' her. I'm nether old enough nor wise enough to presume to do that. I hope you might accept me as an older sister or trusted mentor."

"You don't waste time hitting a soft spot, do you?" I mumbled, "You really don't need to say that. You're embarrassing me."

"If it's important to you, it is important to me and it's pointless avoiding the topic. I have always found your mother an impressive figure. When I was very young she defeated my father for her Marsh Badge. I never forgot Lorelei Kanna, she was the most talented and charismatic female trainer I ever saw."

"I notice you forgot I took three tries to get by your father. One of those was the same day as Lorelei's challenge," Dad interjected.

Sabrina turned rose petal pink and giggled, "I'm sorry, I guess I was used to young fellows who took several tries to best father." She grasped Dad's hand and squeezed it.

I took a long look at her. I could see why Dad found her attractive, although I thought her awfully slender and pallid. She had long flowing jet-black hair with a glossy sheen, a narrow slightly foxy face with a small mouth with narrow but soft lips and above all...those eyes. She was trim and light, but not insubstantial.

As I looked at Sabrina's tender expression directed at Dad I became uncomfortable. It occurred to me that I was intruding on an intensely romantic private moment. I cleared my throat delicately and softly said, "I think I need to do a couple of things, with, um, Aunt Aya. You guys can get along without me."

"Don't leave on my account," Sabrina said quickly, "You share blood with Koga, it's your right to be here. You needn't leave because I...I want to be with your father."

I sighed and swam into her eyes again. "That's okay. I think you're being here is some of the best medicine Dad could have. I was blind, forgive me."

"You needn't apologize," Sabrina demurred, "I'm impressed with your dedication to Koga. Not all girls your age express their love for their parents with such fierce loyalty. I certainly did not at your age, and I now regret it."

"I'll be around if you need me," I replied, and I slipped through the partly open door and closed it softly behind me.

Aunt Aya and the Musashi woman were still in the gym having a tense discussion. They turned and looked at me and Musashi strode toward me with a look of deep fury. "What's the big idea making Natusme cry, you mean little twerp?" she bellowed.

I stepped backward as she rushed toward me. Aya called after her, "Let her alone! Her only thought was to protect her dad."

Musashi stopped and whirled to answer my aunt brushing my face with the tip of her great wave of flame red hair. "Protecting Koga? From that amazing woman?"

She turned to me, "Listen kid, Sabrina isn't the psycho she was and I know she'd never hurt your dad. Anybody who hurts her answers to me!" she spat jerking her thumb at her chest.

"Cut it out!" I sputtered. "How could I know Natsume had changed? Dammit I have a responsibility here with mom God knows where and Aya busy with the gym. Dad's sick and I don't know how it happened!" My voice broke and I turned my back on her.

There was a lengthy silence, then Musashi spoke, "I'm sorry," she said sighing deeply. "Sabrina and I got into each other's heads on his trip. I understand what she's been through and she understands the hell I've been through. She's the first true friend I've had other than my old Team Rocket partners. She's been awfully lonely and misunderstood, just like me. If someone, like you, picks on her if feels like all the times someone kicked me when I was down. And that happened all the time."

I spoke to my chest with my back to her, "It's not as if I don't know about being lonely and unpopular. Being the daughter of two Elite Four members has put big expectations on me and I'm not living up to them at that stuffy school." I turned around, "Look. Ms. Musashi..."

"Jessie," she gently interrupted.

"Okay, Jessie. If it makes you feel any better I think Sabrina is worth knowing and it's a good thing she loves Dad. I promise not to kick you, up or down," and I extended my hand to her.

Musashi looked uncertain, but tentatively offered her strong hand in return. I took it and she gazed silently into my face, her eyes were intensely blue.

"Thanks for calming down," I said. "I don't want a big gal like you mad at me. Aunt Aya tells me you're from Team Rocket. What're you doing with Sabrina?"

"I was trying to explain that to your aunt when you got here," she answered. "This was our last mission. I think our boss was feeding us to that powerful Pokémon, Mewtwo in the hopes that we might tip him off to its location before it killed us. We'd failed so often we'd become utterly expendable." She stopped and sighed, "Discovering I was in love with my partner in crime, James, made it impossible to go back. Sabrina offered us a security job at her gym and we snapped it up. Sabrina searched my subconscious for some buried memories of Mewtwo, seems I'd run into it before. That's how we became such good friends so fast. She's completely changed my life over the past two weeks and I'm grateful."

"I hope I can feel just as thankful for knowing Natsume," I offered. With that I went off to do some homework from Poké Tech.

I didn't see Sabrina Natsume again until dinnertime. We spoke little. Aya was in a chatty, nervous mood and Jessie was willing to fill in the pauses in her chatter. I glanced at Sabrina and she caught my eye. I heard her voice in my head but her lips never moved. "Can we talk?"

"After dinner," I thought and she nodded subtly.

We met in the gym. It's quiet and unvisited after hours and for some reason I'm comfortable on the floor of a gym. I grew up watching Dad and my aunt fight challengers. That is, when I wasn't travelling like a gypsy with my mom. Mom seemed to actively avoid the Indigo Plateau gym established for her Elite Four battles. She often took her Elite Four duties on the road, to the Orange Islands, to other gyms - including Dad's. I guess I'm sort of a Pokémon "gym rat". I admitted as much to Sabrina by way of kicking off our tense conversation.

She said, "That's something we have in common then. I'm a third generation gym leader, my father's psy abilities seem to be hereditary."

"Why'd you want to talk to me? You should know by now I'm not gonna get in the way of your...um, affair with Dad."

"Your objections to my being with you father were legitimate insofar as my ugly reputation was built on fact. I want to explain how I got that way, how I changed, and why I'm in love with Koga," she said softly but firmly.

"You really don't have to on my account," I muttered.

"Your current discomfort underlines exactly why I must tell you," she replied.

"Well, if you must, please make it quick. I don't like long complicated stories," I said rolling my eyes.

She looked calmly at me with her soulful eyes, "My father saw my talent very early on and he established a rigorous training schedule so I would reach my full potential, but he neglected my social life and 'normal' schooling."

"I was eventually ostracized by other kids as a 'spook', 'weirdo', and 'freak'. I didn't know enough not to use telekinesis in snowball fights or teleportation in tag and hide n' seek. Frankly other kids frightened me and I scared the heck out of them."

"I finally retreated to the gym like a cocoon. Unfortunately my metamorphosis within it was toward a terrible sense of superiority toward non-psys combined with aching loneliness that I couldn't recognize as such. In essence, I eventually became two girls - a playful grade schooler who liked what she believed were 'practical jokes', and the magisterial, icy mistress of the gym.

That's when I started abusing my power in order to do two things. First, conquer my loneliness by finding friends, however unwilling, and second, to prove that I was better than anyone else in spite of my 'freakishness'. This went on for three years in my early to mid teens, and I got my reputation, everyone feared and hated me."

"If you want me to feel all sorry for you, forget it," I muttered. "We've all got it tough, it's a cold world. You just had enough power to force a lot of things to go your way."

"I don't want your sympathy," Sabrina shrugged. "I know that you have trouble at Pokémon Tech due to your parentage, and that your relationship with your parents isn't what you'd wish it to be. I hope you can learn something from my troubles. Would you like to know how I changed for the better?"

I nodded, and she continued with her tale. "One day a boy who carried a Pikachu on his shoulder came to challenge me. He was cocky but overmatched. I easily defeated him but my father appeared and whisked him and his friends away."

"In two days the kid was back claiming he had brought a high level Haunter to challenge me. The Haunter was not there and the boy ran again, this time abandoning his hapless friends. However this boy was persistent, he came back with the Haunter, but the contrary spirit refused to battle my Kadabra. Instead it chose to harass me."

"Now, Haunters and other spirit Pokémon are wise, old essences. They understand the absurdity of life and how lunacy and gravitas coexist. The Pokémon's mental and physical assault on my composure totally disarmed Kadabra and me. In a flash of crystalline insight I realized what a self-regarding fool I had been. I could not force other people to respect me or keep company with me, and the dichotomy between the playful sweet little girl and the cool, controlling young woman was an illusion as well. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I did both. I have been saner ever since."

"What's that got to do with you and Dad? Or me?" I challenged.

Sabrina sighed, "Even though I was more responsible I was still alone and reviled. I stayed in my cocoon and quietly grieved at night over something I did not understand. What was it that connected people? Parents to children? Lovers? Friends? I had some understanding of what bound trainers to Pokémon, but I had no idea that the same thing could apply to people too." She looked serenely into my eyes again, "That is where your father comes in. He taught me that love is the psychic glue that bonds trainer to Pokémon and brings people together. When Mewtwo snatched your father away I thought my poor heart would burst from the pain, that was when I understood the greatest psychic power of all had finally been granted to me. I love your father dearly Janine, I love Musashi as a friend, and I want to share that feeling with you too. I hope you are open to me as well. I am done speaking. I must go to bed after saying good night to your father. Have pleasant dreams Janine."

I thought it was a bad day, but it may prove to be one of the best days in my life.