Disclaimer- I don't own anything so don't sue me.
(A: Wow!!!! 16 reviews! I knew you guys loved me! As I promised, everyone who reviewed gets a snake whip. Have fun!)
CAST:
Author=Author
William Shakespear=Director
Errtu & Vierna=Security Guards
Entreri=Romeo
Catti-brie=Juliet
Drizzt=Tybalt
Bruenor=Lord Capulet
Guen=Lady Capulet
Zaknafein=Lord Montague
Matron Malice=Lady Montague
Jarlaxle=Mercutio
Colson=Benvolio
Crystal Shard=The Prince & Count Paris
Wulfgar=Nurse
Harkle Harpell=Nurse's Aide
Regis & Delly= Servants
Lady Alustriel=The Friars
Thibbledorf Pwent=Minor Roles
Morik the Rouge= Errand Boy
(The cast is guarding both the front and back doors. Author knocks on the back door.)
Author- Lemme in!
Catti-brie- Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!
Thibbledorf- You ain't got no hair on your chin! Grow a beard!
(Author stops knocking.)
Regis- You think she's gone?
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) Yeah, she probably left.
(Author walks in.)
Author- I'm back!
Drizzt- How did you get in? We blocked the front and the back door.
Author- The side door.
Delly- How many doors do you have on this thing?
Author- As many as I need.
(Shakespear walks in. Everyone groans.)
Author- Don't worry, I put him through rehab.
Bruenor- What's rehab?
Author- Would you like to have first hand knowledge of it?
Shakespear- (to Bruenor) It's the worst thing imaginable!
Errtu- Worse than the Toilet book?
Shakespear- I'll have you know that that book was a best seller!
Author- (frowns) I could have sworn that didn't make it past the publisher.
Errtu- (curious) Where was it a best seller?
Shakespear- Evermeet. (A: For all those who don't know, that's the elven island.)
Matron Malice- See Drizzt? I told you the surface elves where evil!
Drizzt- Your one to talk.
Matron Malice- Impudence is punishable by pain.
Colson- And I know just the person to give it to him!
(Colson looks at Catti-brie.)
Author- (interrupts) That's right - Vierna!
Drizzt- Vierna!?!?!?
(Vierna walks in.)
Vierna- (to Drizzt) This is for killing me with Twinkle! (starts whipping Drizzt) You COULD have killed me with Icingdeath, but nooooo you had to kill me with Twinkle!
Author- Vierna will be joining Errtu as a security guard.
Drizzt- For what reason?
Author- Encouragement. (suddenly winces) Ok, I know this is hard, but we must get started.
Regis- Are you sure we just can't procrastinate some more? We were fairly successful last chapter.
Author- Yes, I'm sure. I don't have enough reviews. When I get 25 reviews, I'll let you procrastinate over lunch for an entire chapter!
Wulfgar- Lunch? Food? Huh? Where?
Delly- (suddenly concerned) Is Wulffie-poo hungry?
Lady Alustriel- Wulffie-poo?
Guen- We won't ask.
Lady Alustriel- We won't?
Guen- (firmly) We won't.
Author- (smiling) Anyway, let's get on with the story.
Drizzt- (suspiciously) Why are you so happy?
Author- Now that Shakespear is sober, he can direct while I sit back and watch.
Shakespear- Huh?
Author- (suddenly afraid) Oh no! Has Wulfgar been rubbing off on him?
Morik the Rouge- (from offstage) Yeah, they met in rehab.
Delly- Drinking is wrong.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- If we can get on with it?
Drizzt- Why is Morik here, anyway?
Author- He's my errand boy. He gets me the headache medicine.
Wulfgar- (dumbly) Now why would you need that?
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) I have no idea, Wulffie-poo.
Guen- I thought I said we wouldn't ask.
Zaknafein- Technically, I didn't.
Author- STOP THE NONSENSE!
Drizzt- (from inside large torture device) I wish I could do that.
Author- Do what?
Drizzt- Talk in all caps.
Author- It's an acquired skill.
Vierna- Oh, Drizzt!
Drizzt- Uh oh.
Vierna- (points to torture device) This is named Flower.
Drizzt- How come I have the feeling I'm about to die?
Errtu- No fair! Author said that I could kill Drizzt after the play!
Vierna- As long as you use Flower, I'll be fine.
Entreri- (sulkily) I thought I killed Drizzt.
Catti-brie- You only won once and that's because you cheated.
Matron Malice- You cheated? Good male!
Vierna- You beat my brother and you cheated? Very good male!
Zaknafein- I thought you liked Drizzt?
Vierna- That was BEFORE he killed me with Twinkle.
Zaknafein- I know . . . he pushed me into an acid pit.
(Zaknafein draws his swords. Vierna, Matron Malice, Colson, Errtu, Zaknafein, and Entreri all advance on Drizzt.)
Drizzt- How in the Nine Hells did I make this many enemies?
Guen- It might be the sign on your back.
Drizzt- (confused) Sign?
Catti-brie- It says "Hate me."
Drizzt- Now who would put that there?
Matron Malice- Guilty as charged.
Guen- (to Zaknafein) You know, you have a sign too.
Zaknafein- I do? What's it say?
Catti-brie- It says "Rape me."
Zaknafein- Oh, that explains the fan girls. . . in fact, that explains a lot.
Drizzt- Oh?
Zaknafein- There was this one time when Lloth. . . (notices Matron Malice's interest). . . um, nevermind.
Vierna- So that's why you hate Lloth!
Zaknafein- Yeah, she's so pushy.
Matron Malice- And exactly how many times has this happened?
Zaknafein- . . .
Author- (calmly) You know, we just spent four handwritten pages of pure nonsense. . .
Drizzt- The calm before the storm. . .
Author- (explodes) NOW JUST SHUT UP AND START THE PLAY YOU @^%!*(^ %^$& &*$# &^^(*#$ ^&!#$@% ()*&^%$ _%^&*!!!!!
Zaknafein- (raises one eyebrow) I don't think you can do that all at once.
Author- Would you like to see me try?
Zaknafein- No, I once saw Jarlaxle try that. Once is more than enough.
Drizzt- I don't even know what half those words mean!
Matron Malice- (impressed) Neither do I.
Zaknafein- She was speaking Male Drow. Basically that's several ways to curse off matron mothers.
Matron Malice- I really must try to remember this.
Catti-brie- (to Author) How did you know Male Drow?
Guen- (whispers to Catti-brie) She has a brother.
Catti-brie- (horrified) Oh, you poor thing!
Zaknafein- How'd he learn Male Drow?
Author- He once impersonated Jarlaxle.
Jarlaxle- Really? When?
Author- That time when half your warehouse of time bombs was stolen. He passed them off for holy relics in Waterdeep.
Catti-brie- Wait, didn't we hear about how all the temples in Waterdeep exploded at the same time?
Drizzt- And here I was thinking that the gods where mad.
Author- They were . . . afterwards. You should've seen the waiting line in front of his door.
Jarlaxle- (entertaining thoughts of revenge) Who is your brother, anyway.
Shadowmusic's Brother- You'll never find me! Ahahahahahaha! I'm an author. I'm all powerful.
Author- Your an all powerful author who's too lazy to upload any fics.
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'll get around to it someday!
Author- Go away. We are now on handwritten page six and we still haven't done anything yet!
Regis- Yay! You usually only write nine pages a chapter!
Author- Don't start getting any ideas or I'll stick you all in the play Hansel and Gretel.
Wulfgar- Huh? I like Hansel and Gretel!
Zaknafein- Oh my gosh! He just said his longest sentence so far!
Delly- Congratulations Wulffie-poo!
Lady Alustriel- Wulffie- who?
Delly- Wulffie-poo.
Lady Alustriel- Wulff-
Guen- DON'T ASK!
Drizzt- You mean you could talk in caps all this time and you never told me?
Guen- Next thing you know, you'll be telling me you never knew that I'm a cat.
Wulfgar- Huh? Cat? Where? Don't see no cat!
Guen- This is just ridiculous.
Author- STOP IT!
Drizzt- (amazed) She did the cap lock thing again!
Matron Malice- You know, that's very bad for your voice.
Author- MORIK!
(Morik runs out with Tylenol and Aspirin.)
Drizzt- All caps again!
(Author holds up bottle of Tylenol. It reads: Tylenol is better than Aspirin.
Author holds up bottle of Aspirin. It reads: Aspirin is better than Tylenol.
Author shrugs.)
Author- The world may never know.
(Author drains both bottles.)
Colson- (to Matron Malice) Next, teach me about poisoning.
Matron Malice- It wouldn't work on her.
Author- Now, to the play.
Entreri- Finally! Do I get to kill Drizzt yet?
Author- No, we're still in the nursery. Catti-brie, I got you a dress to wear for the ball.
Catti-brie- What ball?
Author- The masquerade ball.
Catti-brie- There's a masquerade ball?
Guen- (frets) What will I wear?
Author- You're hosting the ball. Besides, your a cat.
Guen- Your right. Not many stores carry clothes for a cat.
Author- The cat is your costume!
Guen- Oh, I guess your right. Besides, Bruenor likes me better as a cat.
(Stumpet Rackingclaw runs out on stage. She grabs Bruenor.)
Stumpet- MINE!
Drizzt- You can do the caps thing too?
Thibbledorf- Grow a beard!
(Stumpet realizes that she's downwind of Thibbledorf and runs off screaming.)
Author- Anyway, here's the dress.
(Author holds up dress.)
Guen- It's my size too!
(Guen slips into dress.)
Drizzt- (to Guen) Catti-brie! You look absolutely stunning in that dress! And that cat costume underneath looks very real.
Guen- Why thank you!
Vierna- (screams in frustration) You see what I had to put up with all those years? AARGGGG!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Catti-brie- Feel pain, oh perky one!
(Catti-brie starts whipping Drizzt. Drizzt screams in pain.)
Vierna- Not that again! Catti-brie, you do realize that he has a magical tattoo that keeps him from feeling pain.
Drizzt- (appealingly) It's in the shape of a heart with Catti-brie's name on it!
Catti-brie- Oh, how cute!
Matron Malice- (shocked) You mean we've been whipping him all this time and he didn't feel a bit of it?
Author- Getting on with the play, Entreri, you are complaining about your love interest, Rosella.
Drizzt- You have a love interest, Entreri?
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Oh Entreri, I didn't know you knew how to love!
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Are you engaged?
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Am I invited to the wedding?
Entreri- I DO NOT HAVE A LOVE INTEREST NAMED ROSELLA!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Entreri- Do you see now why I want to kill him?
Matron Malice- You mean it wasn't because of my sign?
Entreri- That helped.
Author- Now Jarlaxle and Colson? You confront Entreri.
Jarlaxle- (to Colson) Looking good this morning, sweetheart!
Colson- Oh Jarlaxle, your such a flirt. . . tell me more.
(Barbies start flying through the air.)
Wulfgar- NO FLIRTING!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- You do realize that we are now on page nine and we haven't done anything but put Guen in a dress?
Regis- (happily) Can we end now?
Author- No.
Regis- Darn.
(Regis thinks for a second then turns to Colson.)
Regis- Did you know you were adopted?
Colson-What?!
Author- NOOOOO!!!!!! NOT MORE SENSELESS NONSENSE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- Can someone shut him up?
Catti-brie- Put in a line of asterixs.
******************************************************************************************
Drizzt- (does dance of joy) Asterixs!
Catti-brie- (shrugs) It was worth a try.
Colson- What's this about me being adopted?
Lady Alustriel- (to Delly) You mean you never told her?
Delly- (guiltily) I would have . . . when she learned how to speak.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- I want to try an experiment. (to Wulfgar) Do you have any idea that you adopted a child?
Wulfgar- Huh? Child? Where?
Author- Do you have any idea what a child is?
Wulfgar- Uh, no?
(Everyone stares.)
Catti-brie- Um, Delly? Would you mind telling me why you married Wulfgar?
Delly- Everyone is allowed one mistake.
Regis- (looks at Colson) Really? I thought you made two?
Delly- SHUT UP, SHORTY!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Regis- Now we're on page ten! The Author must let us free!
Author- Not so fast! Play practice is extended indefinitely!
(Everyone gasps in HORROR.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Shut up with the Caps Lock, already!)
Author- What is that?
(I'm the Narrator.)
Zaknafein- No way! I wanted to be the narrator!
Author- I didn't hire a narrator.
(They come automatically- like Muses.)
Author- (grumbling) I got stuck with a Purple Skunk as my Muse.
(Mindi the Purple Skunk walks onstage, bows, then leaves.)
Zaknafein- That was disturbing.
Lady Alustriel- Who are you, really?
(I am PERIWINKLE, god of SEA SLUGS, known to friends as PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!)
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Drizzt- What was that?
Author- I just censored the word *BEEP*. Now the machine goes beep when you say *BEEP*.
(Maybe you should take it off yourself.)
Author- Good idea.
(Author takes censor off herself.)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Shakespear wanders on stage)
Shakespear- I wonder what Purple Skunk tastes like?
(Mindi jumps into Authors arms.)
Author- That's my Muse you *BEEP*
(I think she just called him a Caps Lock.)
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*.
Regis- Page eleven!
Author- Is it just me, or did this just turn from play practice to insanity? Now all you have to do is leave for the ball and I can end this practice for now!
(And so they leave for the ball.)
Author- Sorry, it isn't that easy.
Jarlaxle- (to Colson) Shall we depart, my lady?
(Jarlaxle bows, but stumbles when a Barbie hits him on the head.)
Wulfgar- No flirting.
Author- Wulfgar, do you know what flirting is?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Delly- I admit it I bribed him.
Author- Ok people, it's time to leave. Once I get 25 reviews, we'll have a whole chapter of pure nonsense.
Regis- Yay!
Author- Including guest appearances from Mindi and Puff.
Zaknafein- How does this differ from normal play practice?
Lady Alustriel- Harkle Harpell might speak.
Author- He hasn't said a word, has he? (grins evilly) I wonder why?
(Harkle Harpell trys to tear tape off his mouth. He is locked in the basement.)
Author- (confused) How did he get in the basement?
Zaknafein- I don't like wizards.
Author- One more thing. This is where you go when you don't review.
(Shows the Nine Hells.)
Author- This is where you go when you review.
(Shows Evermeet.)
Matron Malice- EVIL SURFACE ELVES!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- Who took the censor off?
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
Author- Of all the Muses, I had to get this one.
(Author smacks forehead.)
Shakespear- (visibly brightens) Ah yes, the idiots that brought me here last time did that alot too!
Author- No wonder.
(That's from the last chapter, it's old.)
Author- You can't blame him, he's been drunk since the first chapter.
Regis- Will you leave already!
Author- FINE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Author storms out. Mindi follows.)
(A: That's it for now! Give me 25 reviews and I'll give you the "lunch" chapter.)
(A: Wow!!!! 16 reviews! I knew you guys loved me! As I promised, everyone who reviewed gets a snake whip. Have fun!)
CAST:
Author=Author
William Shakespear=Director
Errtu & Vierna=Security Guards
Entreri=Romeo
Catti-brie=Juliet
Drizzt=Tybalt
Bruenor=Lord Capulet
Guen=Lady Capulet
Zaknafein=Lord Montague
Matron Malice=Lady Montague
Jarlaxle=Mercutio
Colson=Benvolio
Crystal Shard=The Prince & Count Paris
Wulfgar=Nurse
Harkle Harpell=Nurse's Aide
Regis & Delly= Servants
Lady Alustriel=The Friars
Thibbledorf Pwent=Minor Roles
Morik the Rouge= Errand Boy
(The cast is guarding both the front and back doors. Author knocks on the back door.)
Author- Lemme in!
Catti-brie- Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!
Thibbledorf- You ain't got no hair on your chin! Grow a beard!
(Author stops knocking.)
Regis- You think she's gone?
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) Yeah, she probably left.
(Author walks in.)
Author- I'm back!
Drizzt- How did you get in? We blocked the front and the back door.
Author- The side door.
Delly- How many doors do you have on this thing?
Author- As many as I need.
(Shakespear walks in. Everyone groans.)
Author- Don't worry, I put him through rehab.
Bruenor- What's rehab?
Author- Would you like to have first hand knowledge of it?
Shakespear- (to Bruenor) It's the worst thing imaginable!
Errtu- Worse than the Toilet book?
Shakespear- I'll have you know that that book was a best seller!
Author- (frowns) I could have sworn that didn't make it past the publisher.
Errtu- (curious) Where was it a best seller?
Shakespear- Evermeet. (A: For all those who don't know, that's the elven island.)
Matron Malice- See Drizzt? I told you the surface elves where evil!
Drizzt- Your one to talk.
Matron Malice- Impudence is punishable by pain.
Colson- And I know just the person to give it to him!
(Colson looks at Catti-brie.)
Author- (interrupts) That's right - Vierna!
Drizzt- Vierna!?!?!?
(Vierna walks in.)
Vierna- (to Drizzt) This is for killing me with Twinkle! (starts whipping Drizzt) You COULD have killed me with Icingdeath, but nooooo you had to kill me with Twinkle!
Author- Vierna will be joining Errtu as a security guard.
Drizzt- For what reason?
Author- Encouragement. (suddenly winces) Ok, I know this is hard, but we must get started.
Regis- Are you sure we just can't procrastinate some more? We were fairly successful last chapter.
Author- Yes, I'm sure. I don't have enough reviews. When I get 25 reviews, I'll let you procrastinate over lunch for an entire chapter!
Wulfgar- Lunch? Food? Huh? Where?
Delly- (suddenly concerned) Is Wulffie-poo hungry?
Lady Alustriel- Wulffie-poo?
Guen- We won't ask.
Lady Alustriel- We won't?
Guen- (firmly) We won't.
Author- (smiling) Anyway, let's get on with the story.
Drizzt- (suspiciously) Why are you so happy?
Author- Now that Shakespear is sober, he can direct while I sit back and watch.
Shakespear- Huh?
Author- (suddenly afraid) Oh no! Has Wulfgar been rubbing off on him?
Morik the Rouge- (from offstage) Yeah, they met in rehab.
Delly- Drinking is wrong.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- If we can get on with it?
Drizzt- Why is Morik here, anyway?
Author- He's my errand boy. He gets me the headache medicine.
Wulfgar- (dumbly) Now why would you need that?
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) I have no idea, Wulffie-poo.
Guen- I thought I said we wouldn't ask.
Zaknafein- Technically, I didn't.
Author- STOP THE NONSENSE!
Drizzt- (from inside large torture device) I wish I could do that.
Author- Do what?
Drizzt- Talk in all caps.
Author- It's an acquired skill.
Vierna- Oh, Drizzt!
Drizzt- Uh oh.
Vierna- (points to torture device) This is named Flower.
Drizzt- How come I have the feeling I'm about to die?
Errtu- No fair! Author said that I could kill Drizzt after the play!
Vierna- As long as you use Flower, I'll be fine.
Entreri- (sulkily) I thought I killed Drizzt.
Catti-brie- You only won once and that's because you cheated.
Matron Malice- You cheated? Good male!
Vierna- You beat my brother and you cheated? Very good male!
Zaknafein- I thought you liked Drizzt?
Vierna- That was BEFORE he killed me with Twinkle.
Zaknafein- I know . . . he pushed me into an acid pit.
(Zaknafein draws his swords. Vierna, Matron Malice, Colson, Errtu, Zaknafein, and Entreri all advance on Drizzt.)
Drizzt- How in the Nine Hells did I make this many enemies?
Guen- It might be the sign on your back.
Drizzt- (confused) Sign?
Catti-brie- It says "Hate me."
Drizzt- Now who would put that there?
Matron Malice- Guilty as charged.
Guen- (to Zaknafein) You know, you have a sign too.
Zaknafein- I do? What's it say?
Catti-brie- It says "Rape me."
Zaknafein- Oh, that explains the fan girls. . . in fact, that explains a lot.
Drizzt- Oh?
Zaknafein- There was this one time when Lloth. . . (notices Matron Malice's interest). . . um, nevermind.
Vierna- So that's why you hate Lloth!
Zaknafein- Yeah, she's so pushy.
Matron Malice- And exactly how many times has this happened?
Zaknafein- . . .
Author- (calmly) You know, we just spent four handwritten pages of pure nonsense. . .
Drizzt- The calm before the storm. . .
Author- (explodes) NOW JUST SHUT UP AND START THE PLAY YOU @^%!*(^ %^$& &*$# &^^(*#$ ^&!#$@% ()*&^%$ _%^&*!!!!!
Zaknafein- (raises one eyebrow) I don't think you can do that all at once.
Author- Would you like to see me try?
Zaknafein- No, I once saw Jarlaxle try that. Once is more than enough.
Drizzt- I don't even know what half those words mean!
Matron Malice- (impressed) Neither do I.
Zaknafein- She was speaking Male Drow. Basically that's several ways to curse off matron mothers.
Matron Malice- I really must try to remember this.
Catti-brie- (to Author) How did you know Male Drow?
Guen- (whispers to Catti-brie) She has a brother.
Catti-brie- (horrified) Oh, you poor thing!
Zaknafein- How'd he learn Male Drow?
Author- He once impersonated Jarlaxle.
Jarlaxle- Really? When?
Author- That time when half your warehouse of time bombs was stolen. He passed them off for holy relics in Waterdeep.
Catti-brie- Wait, didn't we hear about how all the temples in Waterdeep exploded at the same time?
Drizzt- And here I was thinking that the gods where mad.
Author- They were . . . afterwards. You should've seen the waiting line in front of his door.
Jarlaxle- (entertaining thoughts of revenge) Who is your brother, anyway.
Shadowmusic's Brother- You'll never find me! Ahahahahahaha! I'm an author. I'm all powerful.
Author- Your an all powerful author who's too lazy to upload any fics.
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'll get around to it someday!
Author- Go away. We are now on handwritten page six and we still haven't done anything yet!
Regis- Yay! You usually only write nine pages a chapter!
Author- Don't start getting any ideas or I'll stick you all in the play Hansel and Gretel.
Wulfgar- Huh? I like Hansel and Gretel!
Zaknafein- Oh my gosh! He just said his longest sentence so far!
Delly- Congratulations Wulffie-poo!
Lady Alustriel- Wulffie- who?
Delly- Wulffie-poo.
Lady Alustriel- Wulff-
Guen- DON'T ASK!
Drizzt- You mean you could talk in caps all this time and you never told me?
Guen- Next thing you know, you'll be telling me you never knew that I'm a cat.
Wulfgar- Huh? Cat? Where? Don't see no cat!
Guen- This is just ridiculous.
Author- STOP IT!
Drizzt- (amazed) She did the cap lock thing again!
Matron Malice- You know, that's very bad for your voice.
Author- MORIK!
(Morik runs out with Tylenol and Aspirin.)
Drizzt- All caps again!
(Author holds up bottle of Tylenol. It reads: Tylenol is better than Aspirin.
Author holds up bottle of Aspirin. It reads: Aspirin is better than Tylenol.
Author shrugs.)
Author- The world may never know.
(Author drains both bottles.)
Colson- (to Matron Malice) Next, teach me about poisoning.
Matron Malice- It wouldn't work on her.
Author- Now, to the play.
Entreri- Finally! Do I get to kill Drizzt yet?
Author- No, we're still in the nursery. Catti-brie, I got you a dress to wear for the ball.
Catti-brie- What ball?
Author- The masquerade ball.
Catti-brie- There's a masquerade ball?
Guen- (frets) What will I wear?
Author- You're hosting the ball. Besides, your a cat.
Guen- Your right. Not many stores carry clothes for a cat.
Author- The cat is your costume!
Guen- Oh, I guess your right. Besides, Bruenor likes me better as a cat.
(Stumpet Rackingclaw runs out on stage. She grabs Bruenor.)
Stumpet- MINE!
Drizzt- You can do the caps thing too?
Thibbledorf- Grow a beard!
(Stumpet realizes that she's downwind of Thibbledorf and runs off screaming.)
Author- Anyway, here's the dress.
(Author holds up dress.)
Guen- It's my size too!
(Guen slips into dress.)
Drizzt- (to Guen) Catti-brie! You look absolutely stunning in that dress! And that cat costume underneath looks very real.
Guen- Why thank you!
Vierna- (screams in frustration) You see what I had to put up with all those years? AARGGGG!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Catti-brie- Feel pain, oh perky one!
(Catti-brie starts whipping Drizzt. Drizzt screams in pain.)
Vierna- Not that again! Catti-brie, you do realize that he has a magical tattoo that keeps him from feeling pain.
Drizzt- (appealingly) It's in the shape of a heart with Catti-brie's name on it!
Catti-brie- Oh, how cute!
Matron Malice- (shocked) You mean we've been whipping him all this time and he didn't feel a bit of it?
Author- Getting on with the play, Entreri, you are complaining about your love interest, Rosella.
Drizzt- You have a love interest, Entreri?
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Oh Entreri, I didn't know you knew how to love!
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Are you engaged?
Entreri- I do not have a love interest named Rosella!
Drizzt- Am I invited to the wedding?
Entreri- I DO NOT HAVE A LOVE INTEREST NAMED ROSELLA!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Entreri- Do you see now why I want to kill him?
Matron Malice- You mean it wasn't because of my sign?
Entreri- That helped.
Author- Now Jarlaxle and Colson? You confront Entreri.
Jarlaxle- (to Colson) Looking good this morning, sweetheart!
Colson- Oh Jarlaxle, your such a flirt. . . tell me more.
(Barbies start flying through the air.)
Wulfgar- NO FLIRTING!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- You do realize that we are now on page nine and we haven't done anything but put Guen in a dress?
Regis- (happily) Can we end now?
Author- No.
Regis- Darn.
(Regis thinks for a second then turns to Colson.)
Regis- Did you know you were adopted?
Colson-What?!
Author- NOOOOO!!!!!! NOT MORE SENSELESS NONSENSE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- Can someone shut him up?
Catti-brie- Put in a line of asterixs.
******************************************************************************************
Drizzt- (does dance of joy) Asterixs!
Catti-brie- (shrugs) It was worth a try.
Colson- What's this about me being adopted?
Lady Alustriel- (to Delly) You mean you never told her?
Delly- (guiltily) I would have . . . when she learned how to speak.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- I want to try an experiment. (to Wulfgar) Do you have any idea that you adopted a child?
Wulfgar- Huh? Child? Where?
Author- Do you have any idea what a child is?
Wulfgar- Uh, no?
(Everyone stares.)
Catti-brie- Um, Delly? Would you mind telling me why you married Wulfgar?
Delly- Everyone is allowed one mistake.
Regis- (looks at Colson) Really? I thought you made two?
Delly- SHUT UP, SHORTY!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Regis- Now we're on page ten! The Author must let us free!
Author- Not so fast! Play practice is extended indefinitely!
(Everyone gasps in HORROR.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Shut up with the Caps Lock, already!)
Author- What is that?
(I'm the Narrator.)
Zaknafein- No way! I wanted to be the narrator!
Author- I didn't hire a narrator.
(They come automatically- like Muses.)
Author- (grumbling) I got stuck with a Purple Skunk as my Muse.
(Mindi the Purple Skunk walks onstage, bows, then leaves.)
Zaknafein- That was disturbing.
Lady Alustriel- Who are you, really?
(I am PERIWINKLE, god of SEA SLUGS, known to friends as PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!)
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Drizzt- What was that?
Author- I just censored the word *BEEP*. Now the machine goes beep when you say *BEEP*.
(Maybe you should take it off yourself.)
Author- Good idea.
(Author takes censor off herself.)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Shakespear wanders on stage)
Shakespear- I wonder what Purple Skunk tastes like?
(Mindi jumps into Authors arms.)
Author- That's my Muse you *BEEP*
(I think she just called him a Caps Lock.)
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*.
Regis- Page eleven!
Author- Is it just me, or did this just turn from play practice to insanity? Now all you have to do is leave for the ball and I can end this practice for now!
(And so they leave for the ball.)
Author- Sorry, it isn't that easy.
Jarlaxle- (to Colson) Shall we depart, my lady?
(Jarlaxle bows, but stumbles when a Barbie hits him on the head.)
Wulfgar- No flirting.
Author- Wulfgar, do you know what flirting is?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Delly- I admit it I bribed him.
Author- Ok people, it's time to leave. Once I get 25 reviews, we'll have a whole chapter of pure nonsense.
Regis- Yay!
Author- Including guest appearances from Mindi and Puff.
Zaknafein- How does this differ from normal play practice?
Lady Alustriel- Harkle Harpell might speak.
Author- He hasn't said a word, has he? (grins evilly) I wonder why?
(Harkle Harpell trys to tear tape off his mouth. He is locked in the basement.)
Author- (confused) How did he get in the basement?
Zaknafein- I don't like wizards.
Author- One more thing. This is where you go when you don't review.
(Shows the Nine Hells.)
Author- This is where you go when you review.
(Shows Evermeet.)
Matron Malice- EVIL SURFACE ELVES!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- Who took the censor off?
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
Author- Of all the Muses, I had to get this one.
(Author smacks forehead.)
Shakespear- (visibly brightens) Ah yes, the idiots that brought me here last time did that alot too!
Author- No wonder.
(That's from the last chapter, it's old.)
Author- You can't blame him, he's been drunk since the first chapter.
Regis- Will you leave already!
Author- FINE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Author storms out. Mindi follows.)
(A: That's it for now! Give me 25 reviews and I'll give you the "lunch" chapter.)