Disclaimer- I don't own anything so don't sue me.
(A: Wow! We're up to the "lunch" chapter already! For everyone who reviewed, please remember to avoid all book stores in Evermeet. Here are some snake whips to defend yourself from the "evil surface elves". *hands out snake whips to all reviwers* Have a nice trip! Just a note: It may be a while between chapters now because I'll be busy in school.)
CAST:
Author=Author
William Shakespear=Director
Entreri=Romeo
Catti-brie=Juliet
Errtu & Vierna=Security Guards
Drizzt=Tybalt
Bruenor=Lord Capulet
Guen=Lady Capulet
Zaknafein=Lord Montague
Matron Malice=Lady Montague
Jarlaxle=Mercutio
Colson=Benvolio
Crystal Shard=The Prince & Count Paris
Wulfgar=Nurse
Harkle Harpell=Nurse's Aide
Regis & Delly=Servants
Lady Alustriel=The Friars
Thibbledorf=Minor roles
Morik the Rouge=Errand Boy
(Author walks in, struggling under huge picnic basket.)
Author- I'm back!
Regis- Already?
Author- We've got 25 reviews!
Zaknafein- Food!
Wulfgar- Huh? Food? Where?
Shakespear- Did you bring any alcohol?
Author- Just for you I brought alcohol.
Shakespear- (does dance of joy) Yay!
(Author opens picnic basket. Mindi jumps out. Characters converge on basket.)
Regis- Hey it's empty!
Author- Who ate all the food?
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Author screams in pain.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Keep it down out there! I'm actually uploading a fic!
Author- Really?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Actually, your right. I'm to lazy!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
Shadowmusic's Brother- Will you shut your Muse up? She somehow brought a picnic baskets worth of food into my room!
Everyone- FOOD!
(Everyone converges on Shadowmusic's Brother's room except for Wulfgar.)
Wulfgar- Huh? Food? Where?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Get these characters out of my room! (thinks a second) If you don't get out, I'll kill a spider!
(Matron Malice, Catti-brie, and Colson all throw people out of room.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- AND STAY OUT!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Turn on the censor.)
Author- Good idea.
(Author turns on the censor. Characters proceed to devour food, including alcohol.)
Delly- Alcohol is wrong.
Wulfgar- (holding alcohol bottle) Huh?
Author- Didn't you stop drinking?
Zaknafein- Shakespear put him through rehab.
Author- Rehab?
Zaknafein- They were both submerged into vats of alcohol. Unsuprisingly, Shakespear lasted longer than Wulfgar.
Author- Now that we're finished eating, it's time for a few words by Harkle Harpell.
(Harkle is brought in.)
Harkle- Word.
Author- Good dumb wizard!
(Author pats Harkle on the head like a dog. Harkle wags his tail happily.)
Author- How'd he get a tail?
Zaknafein- I hate wizards.
Author- I won't ask. Ok, now that we're done eating, you may now procrastinate for an ENTIRE CHAPTER!
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- Well...
**********1/2 hour later**********
Drizzt- (happily) Asterixs!!
Author- Are you going to procrastinate, or aren't you?
Regis- Probably not.
Author- Why?
Regis- Why would we want to please YOU?
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- Because your to stupid to know better?
Delly- My Wulffie-poo isn't stupid!
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- He's not?
Guen- (puts paw over Lady Alustriel's mouth) We will NOT ask.
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- You know, your not hurting me with the silence treatment, your only hurting your fans.
Drizzt- I have fans?
Author- Yes.
Everyone- (in shock) HE HAS FANS?!
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Matron Malice- If he has fans then I can only imagine the amount of fans / have!
Author- Actually, the one with the most fans is Zaknafein.
Matron Malice- Prove it!
Author- I'll open the front door if you'd like.
(Everyone looks out windows at fan girls.)
Regis- Open it! Open it!
Zaknafein- NOOOOOO!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- What happened to the censor?
(It broke from overuse.)
Author- Any chance of getting a new one?
Shadowmusic's Brother- You broke my best censor and now you want a new one? Maybe if you let him speak in caps, he'll finally SHUT UP!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
(Drizzt considers this.)
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
(Shadowmusic's Brother hands Author Universal Remote Control(TM). Author MUTES Drizzt.)
Drizzt- (happily) . . .
Author- Have any more useful gadgets?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Only the Ego Deflator(TM) I stole from you.
(He hands over the Ego Deflator(TM))
Regis- Now why would you need one of those in MY presence?
Author- To use on you!
Shadowmusic's Brother- (to Regis) Don't worry, it doesn't work. She's already broken 5 on me.
Author- Well there's the fact that your in the Guiness Book of World Records for World's Biggest Ego. Your picture is also under the dictionary definition of Ego. We have to deflate your head to fit through doors.
Drizzt- . . . . . . . . . . .
Author- What's he saying?
(I think he's inquiring about why we're talking about Ego Waffles. Take the mute off.)
(Author presses PLAY.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
(Shadowmusic's Brother walks out of room with large eraser. He erases Drizzt, then runs away.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'm free! I'm free!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Drizzt suddenly reappears.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Your Muse is out to torture me! I hate her!
(Shadowmusic's Brother runs into room and slams the door.)
Author- So do I. (looks down at Mindi) So do I.
Regis- Doesn't everybody?
(I don't hate Mindi.)
Author- Why not?
(Because I don't have to put up with her. It's not in my job description.)
Author- You have a job description?
(Yes, it's the same job description as Mindi.)
Author- And that is?
(Sit here and be annoying.)
Author- Mindi does a better job than you.
(Oh, really.)
(Drizzt suddenly multiplies. There are now 10 Drizzts.)
(CAPS LOCK!) Drizzt #1- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #2- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #3- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #4- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #5- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #6- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #7- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #8- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #9- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #10- (happily) Caps Lock!
Shadowmusic's Brother- (comes out of room holding a machine gun) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Drizzt #1- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #2- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #3- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #4- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #5- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #6- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #7- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #8- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #9- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #10- (happily) Caps Lock!
Entreri- (points to machine gun) What's that?
(Shadowmusic's Brother opens fire on Drizzt. Soon 9 Drizzts are dead.)
Entreri- I've got to get me one of those.
Matron Malice- So do I.
(Bruenor hands Shadowmusic's Brother a sack of gold for machine gun while thoughtfully looking at Regis.)
Regis- Eeep! (hides behind Author) I SAID I was sorry for using your helmet as a bathroom!
Catti-brie- Can I use that after you? I still haven't gotten Wulfgar back for calling me old.
Delly- Violence is wrong.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Guen- Why can't we all just get along?
(Everyone cracks up.)
Guen- You'll find out one day that I was right. You should see the amount of guns I've confiscated over the years.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (thoughtfully) Oh, so that's where all my guns went.
Matron Malice- (to Guen) Can I have them?
Guen- No, you'd probably use them.
Matron Malice- Isn't that the point?
Guen- . . .
Jarlaxle- You know, you could make lots of money if you imported those guns to Menzoberranzen.
Drizzt- And just think of all the drow you could kill!
Guen- But that would cause violence!
Matron Malice- Exactly!
Guen- . . .
Shadowmusic's Brother- And the best thing is that these things work on Authors!
Bruenor- Really?
(Bruenor opens fire on Author. Author waves her hand and machine gun disappears.)
Bruenor- (with feeling) Darn!
Catti-bre- (to Guen) You said you had more of these?
Guen- Not with me.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (thoughtfully) I really should give you some grenades.
Entreri- Grenades?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Think the temples in Waterdeep.
Jarlaxle- You stole my time bombs!
Author- And how exactly did Jarlaxle get time bombs?
Jarlaxle- He sold them to me, then he stole them back.
Author- (to her brother) Your corrupting my characters.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (proudly) Soon I will introduce them to McDonolds. Then there will truly be a McDonolds on every corner!
(Shadowmusic's Brother sinks into fantasies of McDonolds in Faeraun.)
Wulfgar- (suddenly realizes that he isn't in Faeraun anymore) Huh? Where are we?
Zaknafein- (checks stopwatch) Amazing! It only took him five chapters to realize that!
Catti-brie- (apologetically) Usually we only point at an object and tell him to attack it. He usually obeys verbal commands.
Matron Malice- You can train someone like him?
Vierna- Yes, I trained Drizzt, didn't I?
Lady Alustriel- I think Drizzt is slightly more intelligent than Wulfgar.
Delly- No one is smarter than my Wulffie-poo!
Lady Alustriel- . . .
Guen- (puts paw over Lady Alustriel's mouth) Don't.
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- But no one said anything in caps!
Drizzt- They didn't?
(Delly sticks out her tongue at Lady Alustriel. Lady Alustriel puts salt on Delly's tongue. Delly runs toward the kitchen for water.)
Author- (suspiciously) Brother? You haven't been feeding people drugs again, have you?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (guiltily) Me?
Shakespear- What are drugs?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (smiles evilly) Would you like to find out?
Author- No, we do NOT make Shakespear a druggie!
Shadowmusic's Brother- We don't?
Author- We don't.
Errtu- If he's drugged, will he not write the Toilet book?
Shakespear- Too late.
Author- How many times do I have to tell you, IT DIDN'T MAKE IT PAST THE PUBLISHER!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Everyone stares at Mindi in horror.)
Author- What did she do this time?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (grins evilly) I think she made the book get past the publisher.
Errtu- Noooooooo!
(Errtu starts chasing Mindi, trying to kill her.)
Author- (to Shadowmusic's Brother) You have the same job description as Mindi and the Narrator, right?
Shadowmusic's Brother- I might.
Regis- Stop talking about the stupid book! Let's talk about me!
Colson- No, let's go back a chapter. What's this about me being adopted?
(Delly comes back in time to hear this last comment. She hurrys back into the kitchen. Colson rounds on Wulfgar.)
Colson- Well?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Harkle- Word.
(Zaknafein runs after Harkle.)
Regis- Run Harkle! Run like the wind!
Author- (grins insanely) I've got an idea. Errtu, why don't you read aloud to us from your new Toilet book?
Errtu- (nervously) What new Toilet book?
(Author pulls out book entitled "Stories from the Toilet Zone".)
Errtu- Nooooooo!
Catti-brie- Wow, we've finally driven her insane!
Regis- She held out a long time. The last Author went insane after only two chapters!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Mindi jumps into Author's arms. Author goes silent.)
Lady Alustriel- Oh no! Now what did Mindi do?
(Who knows?)
Regis- Who cares?
Author- I'm sane again. (frowns at Mindi) Dumb skunk! Why couldn't you have left me insane? (drops Mindi)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Mindi walks over to a closet. The closet door swings open. Jarlaxle, Crystal Shard, Zaknafein, and Harkle all tumble out.)
Regis- Oh sorry, are we interrupting something?
(Barbie dolls start flying through the air.)
Zaknafein- (watching Barbies) Yes, this is Torture Time. I want revenge on Harkle for being a wizard, and Jarlaxle wants revenge on Crystal Shard for existing.
Vierna- (to Drizzt) Let's spend some quality time together in the closet.
Entreri- Can I help?
Author- Everyone out of the closet.
Colson- Yeah, it's my turn.
(Colson glares at Delly as she walks in. Delly rushes back to the kitchen.)
Errtu- DON'T KILL THE COOK!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Errtu- she's making me an Angel Food Cake for my birthday.
Lady Alustriel- (cooing) Oh, is today your birthday?
(Lady Alustriel starts fussing over Errtu.)
Matron Malice- You sicken me.
Author- Ok, I can see that this whole "lunch" thing was a bad idea. I'm leaving!
(Author stalks out the front door.)
Zaknafein- No!
Fangirls- Yes!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'm leaving before this gets ugly.
Wulfgar- Huh? (looks at Colson) Who are you?
(A: Tell me whether you'd like another lunch chapter at 45 reviews, or if you'd rather I'd just go back to play practice. Review please!)
(A: Wow! We're up to the "lunch" chapter already! For everyone who reviewed, please remember to avoid all book stores in Evermeet. Here are some snake whips to defend yourself from the "evil surface elves". *hands out snake whips to all reviwers* Have a nice trip! Just a note: It may be a while between chapters now because I'll be busy in school.)
CAST:
Author=Author
William Shakespear=Director
Entreri=Romeo
Catti-brie=Juliet
Errtu & Vierna=Security Guards
Drizzt=Tybalt
Bruenor=Lord Capulet
Guen=Lady Capulet
Zaknafein=Lord Montague
Matron Malice=Lady Montague
Jarlaxle=Mercutio
Colson=Benvolio
Crystal Shard=The Prince & Count Paris
Wulfgar=Nurse
Harkle Harpell=Nurse's Aide
Regis & Delly=Servants
Lady Alustriel=The Friars
Thibbledorf=Minor roles
Morik the Rouge=Errand Boy
(Author walks in, struggling under huge picnic basket.)
Author- I'm back!
Regis- Already?
Author- We've got 25 reviews!
Zaknafein- Food!
Wulfgar- Huh? Food? Where?
Shakespear- Did you bring any alcohol?
Author- Just for you I brought alcohol.
Shakespear- (does dance of joy) Yay!
(Author opens picnic basket. Mindi jumps out. Characters converge on basket.)
Regis- Hey it's empty!
Author- Who ate all the food?
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Author screams in pain.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Keep it down out there! I'm actually uploading a fic!
Author- Really?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Actually, your right. I'm to lazy!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
Shadowmusic's Brother- Will you shut your Muse up? She somehow brought a picnic baskets worth of food into my room!
Everyone- FOOD!
(Everyone converges on Shadowmusic's Brother's room except for Wulfgar.)
Wulfgar- Huh? Food? Where?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Get these characters out of my room! (thinks a second) If you don't get out, I'll kill a spider!
(Matron Malice, Catti-brie, and Colson all throw people out of room.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- AND STAY OUT!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
(Turn on the censor.)
Author- Good idea.
(Author turns on the censor. Characters proceed to devour food, including alcohol.)
Delly- Alcohol is wrong.
Wulfgar- (holding alcohol bottle) Huh?
Author- Didn't you stop drinking?
Zaknafein- Shakespear put him through rehab.
Author- Rehab?
Zaknafein- They were both submerged into vats of alcohol. Unsuprisingly, Shakespear lasted longer than Wulfgar.
Author- Now that we're finished eating, it's time for a few words by Harkle Harpell.
(Harkle is brought in.)
Harkle- Word.
Author- Good dumb wizard!
(Author pats Harkle on the head like a dog. Harkle wags his tail happily.)
Author- How'd he get a tail?
Zaknafein- I hate wizards.
Author- I won't ask. Ok, now that we're done eating, you may now procrastinate for an ENTIRE CHAPTER!
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- Well...
**********1/2 hour later**********
Drizzt- (happily) Asterixs!!
Author- Are you going to procrastinate, or aren't you?
Regis- Probably not.
Author- Why?
Regis- Why would we want to please YOU?
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- Because your to stupid to know better?
Delly- My Wulffie-poo isn't stupid!
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- He's not?
Guen- (puts paw over Lady Alustriel's mouth) We will NOT ask.
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Author- You know, your not hurting me with the silence treatment, your only hurting your fans.
Drizzt- I have fans?
Author- Yes.
Everyone- (in shock) HE HAS FANS?!
Drizzt- (happily) *BEEP*
Matron Malice- If he has fans then I can only imagine the amount of fans / have!
Author- Actually, the one with the most fans is Zaknafein.
Matron Malice- Prove it!
Author- I'll open the front door if you'd like.
(Everyone looks out windows at fan girls.)
Regis- Open it! Open it!
Zaknafein- NOOOOOO!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- What happened to the censor?
(It broke from overuse.)
Author- Any chance of getting a new one?
Shadowmusic's Brother- You broke my best censor and now you want a new one? Maybe if you let him speak in caps, he'll finally SHUT UP!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
(Drizzt considers this.)
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Drizzt- (happily) CAPS LOCK!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
(Shadowmusic's Brother hands Author Universal Remote Control(TM). Author MUTES Drizzt.)
Drizzt- (happily) . . .
Author- Have any more useful gadgets?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Only the Ego Deflator(TM) I stole from you.
(He hands over the Ego Deflator(TM))
Regis- Now why would you need one of those in MY presence?
Author- To use on you!
Shadowmusic's Brother- (to Regis) Don't worry, it doesn't work. She's already broken 5 on me.
Author- Well there's the fact that your in the Guiness Book of World Records for World's Biggest Ego. Your picture is also under the dictionary definition of Ego. We have to deflate your head to fit through doors.
Drizzt- . . . . . . . . . . .
Author- What's he saying?
(I think he's inquiring about why we're talking about Ego Waffles. Take the mute off.)
(Author presses PLAY.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
(Shadowmusic's Brother walks out of room with large eraser. He erases Drizzt, then runs away.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'm free! I'm free!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Drizzt suddenly reappears.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Your Muse is out to torture me! I hate her!
(Shadowmusic's Brother runs into room and slams the door.)
Author- So do I. (looks down at Mindi) So do I.
Regis- Doesn't everybody?
(I don't hate Mindi.)
Author- Why not?
(Because I don't have to put up with her. It's not in my job description.)
Author- You have a job description?
(Yes, it's the same job description as Mindi.)
Author- And that is?
(Sit here and be annoying.)
Author- Mindi does a better job than you.
(Oh, really.)
(Drizzt suddenly multiplies. There are now 10 Drizzts.)
(CAPS LOCK!) Drizzt #1- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #2- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #3- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #4- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #5- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #6- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #7- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #8- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #9- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #10- (happily) Caps Lock!
Shadowmusic's Brother- (comes out of room holding a machine gun) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Drizzt #1- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #2- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #3- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #4- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #5- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #6- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #7- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #8- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #9- (happily) Caps Lock!
Drizzt #10- (happily) Caps Lock!
Entreri- (points to machine gun) What's that?
(Shadowmusic's Brother opens fire on Drizzt. Soon 9 Drizzts are dead.)
Entreri- I've got to get me one of those.
Matron Malice- So do I.
(Bruenor hands Shadowmusic's Brother a sack of gold for machine gun while thoughtfully looking at Regis.)
Regis- Eeep! (hides behind Author) I SAID I was sorry for using your helmet as a bathroom!
Catti-brie- Can I use that after you? I still haven't gotten Wulfgar back for calling me old.
Delly- Violence is wrong.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Guen- Why can't we all just get along?
(Everyone cracks up.)
Guen- You'll find out one day that I was right. You should see the amount of guns I've confiscated over the years.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (thoughtfully) Oh, so that's where all my guns went.
Matron Malice- (to Guen) Can I have them?
Guen- No, you'd probably use them.
Matron Malice- Isn't that the point?
Guen- . . .
Jarlaxle- You know, you could make lots of money if you imported those guns to Menzoberranzen.
Drizzt- And just think of all the drow you could kill!
Guen- But that would cause violence!
Matron Malice- Exactly!
Guen- . . .
Shadowmusic's Brother- And the best thing is that these things work on Authors!
Bruenor- Really?
(Bruenor opens fire on Author. Author waves her hand and machine gun disappears.)
Bruenor- (with feeling) Darn!
Catti-bre- (to Guen) You said you had more of these?
Guen- Not with me.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (thoughtfully) I really should give you some grenades.
Entreri- Grenades?
Shadowmusic's Brother- Think the temples in Waterdeep.
Jarlaxle- You stole my time bombs!
Author- And how exactly did Jarlaxle get time bombs?
Jarlaxle- He sold them to me, then he stole them back.
Author- (to her brother) Your corrupting my characters.
Shadowmusic's Brother- (proudly) Soon I will introduce them to McDonolds. Then there will truly be a McDonolds on every corner!
(Shadowmusic's Brother sinks into fantasies of McDonolds in Faeraun.)
Wulfgar- (suddenly realizes that he isn't in Faeraun anymore) Huh? Where are we?
Zaknafein- (checks stopwatch) Amazing! It only took him five chapters to realize that!
Catti-brie- (apologetically) Usually we only point at an object and tell him to attack it. He usually obeys verbal commands.
Matron Malice- You can train someone like him?
Vierna- Yes, I trained Drizzt, didn't I?
Lady Alustriel- I think Drizzt is slightly more intelligent than Wulfgar.
Delly- No one is smarter than my Wulffie-poo!
Lady Alustriel- . . .
Guen- (puts paw over Lady Alustriel's mouth) Don't.
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Author- But no one said anything in caps!
Drizzt- They didn't?
(Delly sticks out her tongue at Lady Alustriel. Lady Alustriel puts salt on Delly's tongue. Delly runs toward the kitchen for water.)
Author- (suspiciously) Brother? You haven't been feeding people drugs again, have you?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (guiltily) Me?
Shakespear- What are drugs?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (smiles evilly) Would you like to find out?
Author- No, we do NOT make Shakespear a druggie!
Shadowmusic's Brother- We don't?
Author- We don't.
Errtu- If he's drugged, will he not write the Toilet book?
Shakespear- Too late.
Author- How many times do I have to tell you, IT DIDN'T MAKE IT PAST THE PUBLISHER!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Everyone stares at Mindi in horror.)
Author- What did she do this time?
Shadowmusic's Brother- (grins evilly) I think she made the book get past the publisher.
Errtu- Noooooooo!
(Errtu starts chasing Mindi, trying to kill her.)
Author- (to Shadowmusic's Brother) You have the same job description as Mindi and the Narrator, right?
Shadowmusic's Brother- I might.
Regis- Stop talking about the stupid book! Let's talk about me!
Colson- No, let's go back a chapter. What's this about me being adopted?
(Delly comes back in time to hear this last comment. She hurrys back into the kitchen. Colson rounds on Wulfgar.)
Colson- Well?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Harkle- Word.
(Zaknafein runs after Harkle.)
Regis- Run Harkle! Run like the wind!
Author- (grins insanely) I've got an idea. Errtu, why don't you read aloud to us from your new Toilet book?
Errtu- (nervously) What new Toilet book?
(Author pulls out book entitled "Stories from the Toilet Zone".)
Errtu- Nooooooo!
Catti-brie- Wow, we've finally driven her insane!
Regis- She held out a long time. The last Author went insane after only two chapters!
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Mindi jumps into Author's arms. Author goes silent.)
Lady Alustriel- Oh no! Now what did Mindi do?
(Who knows?)
Regis- Who cares?
Author- I'm sane again. (frowns at Mindi) Dumb skunk! Why couldn't you have left me insane? (drops Mindi)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(Mindi walks over to a closet. The closet door swings open. Jarlaxle, Crystal Shard, Zaknafein, and Harkle all tumble out.)
Regis- Oh sorry, are we interrupting something?
(Barbie dolls start flying through the air.)
Zaknafein- (watching Barbies) Yes, this is Torture Time. I want revenge on Harkle for being a wizard, and Jarlaxle wants revenge on Crystal Shard for existing.
Vierna- (to Drizzt) Let's spend some quality time together in the closet.
Entreri- Can I help?
Author- Everyone out of the closet.
Colson- Yeah, it's my turn.
(Colson glares at Delly as she walks in. Delly rushes back to the kitchen.)
Errtu- DON'T KILL THE COOK!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Errtu- she's making me an Angel Food Cake for my birthday.
Lady Alustriel- (cooing) Oh, is today your birthday?
(Lady Alustriel starts fussing over Errtu.)
Matron Malice- You sicken me.
Author- Ok, I can see that this whole "lunch" thing was a bad idea. I'm leaving!
(Author stalks out the front door.)
Zaknafein- No!
Fangirls- Yes!
Shadowmusic's Brother- I'm leaving before this gets ugly.
Wulfgar- Huh? (looks at Colson) Who are you?
(A: Tell me whether you'd like another lunch chapter at 45 reviews, or if you'd rather I'd just go back to play practice. Review please!)