Disclaimer: I don't own anything so don't sue me.
A: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! (Sept. 25) For my birthday I received a very big case of writers block, so this chapter is really short and stupid. I tried to include more Zaknafein, but it turned into Zaknafein bashing. *runs away from angry Fan Girls*
(Author walks in on Errtu's birthday party. Room grows silent as cast notices her.)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(The birthday cake disappears.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Why the h*** does your muse keep transporting food into my room?!
Author- Sorry you guys, but you have to leave. Your reserved for the "lunch" chapters.
(Do we really have to leave?)
Author- Yes.
(Narrator, Mindi, and Shadowmusic's Brother all leave the room. Zaknafein tries to leave with them.)
Author- Oh no you don't! They have to leave using the front door, past the Fan Girls.
(Zaknafein runs back and hides behind Matron Malice.)
Regis- Talking of such, how did you get in? We barred all the doors we could find.
Author- The skylight.
(Everyone looks up.)
Delly- But there is no skylight.
(Author looks up, then waves her hand. A skylight appears.)
Author- That's my invisible skylight.
Regis- What's the point of a skylight if it's invisible?
Author- To sneak in.
Zaknafein- We're going to have to find some way to bar that.
Regis- I'll find a ladder. . . but I'm afraid of heights.
Wulfgar- (looks down at Regis) So that's why you're so small.
Zaknafein- That's the most intelligent thing you've said yet, and it's completely stupid.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Delly- My Wulffie-poo isn't stupid!
Catti-brie- He isn't?
Author- Haven't we had this discussion already?
Drizzt- Several times.
(A flying porcupine lands on Wulfgar, crushing him.)
Author- (blinks) Ok . . . that was unusual.
Zaknafein- It was strange! It was disturbing! It was. . . was . . .was. . .insane!
Author- (concerned) Zaknafein, are you feeling alright?
Zaknafein- I have nightmares about this!
Matron Malice- You have nightmares about FLYING PORCUPINES ?!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Zaknafein- THE INSANITY! THE INSANITY!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word!
(Zaknafein screams and runs around wildly.)
Author- I think we drove him insane.
Regis- Cool! I always wanted to drive someone insane!
Lady Alustriel- It must be because of the pet rocks.
Author- Pet rocks?!
Lady Alustriel- Your brother was selling them. Everyone but Zaknafein bought one for 10 sacks of gold.
Author- Me and my brother are going to have a looong talk afterwards.
(Another porcupine flys through the air, narrowly missing Zaknafein. Zaknafein screams louder.)
Zaknafein- Ahhhhhhh! Porcupine! Ahhhhhhh!
Author- Vierna? Will you take Zaknafein into my brother's bedroom for a little time out?
Vierna- (reluctantly) Fine.
(Vierna takes Zaknafein into Shadowmusic's Brother's room. Wulfgar gets up and starts throwing Barbies and pet rocks at the door.)
Wulfgar- No flirting!
Matron Malice- Flirting?
(Author opens door. Vierna and Lavender Morninglord walk out. Zaknafein can be heard screaming from inside.)
Author- (to Lavender Morninglord) What were you doing in my brother's room?
Lavender Morninglord- We had an appointment to discuss the temples in Waterdeep and I found THIS beautiful woman inside.
(Lavender Morninglord motions to Vierna. Vierna blushes. A Barbie hits Lavender Morninglord on the head.)
Vierna- (to Wulfgar) You idiot! You don't throw Barbies at all powerful gods!
Lavender Morninglord- (soothingly) Well at least it wasn't a pet rock.
(A flying porcupine hits Lavender Morninglord on the head.)
Zaknafein- Flying Porcupine! The insanity! The insanity!
(Zaknafein jumps into Matron Malice's arms. Matron Malice drops him.)
Matron Malice- Vierna? I hold you responsible for this behavior.
Vierna- (mildly) Ok, I'll just whip him for it. He IS just a male after all.
(Lavender Morninglord looks scared and backs away from Vierna.)
Author- You can't do that, he's already dead. Besides, it's against the rules to whip mentally deficient people.
Colson- Does that mean I can't whip my father?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Jarlaxle- You could whip ME, sweetheart!
(Jarlaxle winks at Colson then slumps unconscious as a pet rock hits him on the head.)
Wulfgar- No flirting!
Catti-brie- His aim got better! (thinks for a moment) Wait a minute, something's not right here. First, he said a sentence, granted a very stupid one. Then, he detected flirting behind a closed door. Now, his aim's improved. What's with this?
(Matron Malice pulls an empty flask from Wulfgar's hand.)
Matron Malice- (reading label) Potion of Wisdom.
Regis- If that's what a Potion Of Wisdom does to him, than I'd hate to see what a Potion Of Stupidity would do!
(The porcupine start running after Zaknafein. Zaknafein tries to run away, but he is strapped into Flower.)
Author- (to Vierna) What did I say about torturing mentally disturbed people?
Vierna- (disappointed)Oh, all right.
(Vierna lets Zaknafein go, but brightens as she sees Drizzt.)
Vierna- (sweetly) Oh, brother dearest! Why don't you come over here?
Drizzt- (contemplating suicide) Pros: I won't have to face Vierna. Cons: I'll be dead.
Lloth- Don't forget, I get your soul after death.
Drizzt- (nervously) What are you doing here?
Lloth- One of my temples in Waterdeep got blown up.
Author- (shocked) YOU have temples in WATERDEEP?!
Lloth- Well actually they're below Waterdeep in Skullport. But that didn't stop your brother from blowing them up!
Author- (suspiciously) Any other reason?
Lloth- All right, I admit it, I detected flirting!
Vierna- (guiltily) What flirting?
(Lavender Morninglord backs away from Lloth, accidently stepping on and crushing the porcupine. Zaknafein calms down.)
Lloth- (sighs) I suppose I could forgive you. After all, you will be my daughter someday . . . soon.
(Lloth looks pointedly at Zaknafein.)
Zaknafein- (screams and points at Lloth) PORCUPINE!
(Zaknafein runs away, screaming.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word!
Wulfgar- (turns to Delly) What's flirting?
Lloth- (to Author) I see the Potion of Wisdom has worn off.
Author- (suspiciously) How did you know about the Potion of Wisdom?
Lloth- (guiltily) What Potion of Wisdom? I didn't say anything about any Potion of Wisdom!
(Lloth chases after Zaknafein.)
Zaknafein- PORCUPINE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- (screams) Shut up!
(Everyone stares at Author.)
Author- Okay! Errtu and Vierna, throw out Lloth and Lavender Morninglord. Zaknafein, get yourself together. We have a play to put on!
Vierna- (flirting with Lavender Morninglord) Come on, let's go.
(Vierna escorts Lavender Morninglord out of the room. Errtu grabs Lloth and drags her away.)
Lloth- (to Zaknafein) Don't worry honey, I'll be back!
Zaknafein- (shudders) You know I met her about the same time I discovered my fear of porcupine.
Drizzt- (helpfully) Flying ones.
Guen- Let's not go into this.
Entreri- (snapping) Let's just get on with this! I want to kill Drizzt and afterwards go home and feed Swimmy.
Drizzt- Swimmy?
Entreri- (guiltily) Who's Swimmy?
Author- I think that's your pet fish.
Entreri- (scowls) Thanks alot.
Drizzt- You have a pet fish?
Entreri- Um, no?
Drizzt- Can I hold it, and hug it, and love it?
Guen- I don't think that's possible.
Entreri- (seriously) If you come within 50 feet of Swimmy you'll have so many dagger holes in you you'll look like that Swiss Cheese that Shadowmusic's Brother keeps trying to sell us.
Author- Darn that Brother!
Bruenor- I wonder what he's using all that gold for anyway.
(Scene cuts to Menzoberranzen where Bregan D'Areth is building a 50 foot statue of Shadowmusic's Brother.)
Jarlaxle- Darn that Brother!
Author- STOP PROCRASTINATING OR I'LL FEED YOU TO SWIMMY!
Entreri- (pales) You wouldn't really do that . . . would you?
Zaknafein- (confused) Why?
Entreri- Swimmy is a 50 foot shark.
Zaknafein- I didn't know they came in that size. Where did you get him?
Entreri- Phycopaths R' Us
Zaknafein- (nervously) You wouldn't really feed us to Swimmy would you?
Author- I would. Now let's get on with it. It's time for the ball.
Regis- Can't we end the chapter?
Author- (calmly) Swimmy.
Regis- Let's go on with this chapter. I don't want to be fed to the stupid shark.
Entreri- (pulls out Jewelled Dagger) What did you say, corpse?
Drizzt- (boldly) You know those pointy things are dangerous.
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) You think?
(Entreri puts his dagger to Drizzt's throat and his sword to Regis's throat.)
Entreri- Never. Insult. Swimmy.
Zaknafein- You're good, but you need to improve your fighting stance.
Entreri- And just how good are you?
(Three seconds later everyone but the Author and Zaknafein is on the floor.)
Drizzt- (stunned) I forgot how fast he was.
FanGirls- (cheers) Yay Zaknafein!
Author- (calmly) If your done killing each other we're SUPPOSED to be at the ball.
Wulfgar- What's a ball?
Author- (smacks forehead) Why do I even put up with this?
Shakespeare- Ah yes, the idiots-
(Shakespeare is cut off as Errtu impales him on his sword.)
Errtu- (smiles) I always wanted to do that.
Author- Now look what you did! I'll have to resurrect the Director . . .again.
(Jarlaxle, Drizzt, Entreri, and Zaknafein all smile guiltily.)
Crystal Shard- (suddenly) Well @#$%^& to you too!
Author Who are you talking to?
Crystal Shard- Entreri's Dagger.
(Everyone stares at Entreri's Dagger. Author waves her hand.)
Entreri's Dagger- -@#$%^& *&^%$ @!$$# &&*^% **&^(#$@!-
(Author waves her hand again.)
Author- Nevermind. I want to at least TRY to keep this fic PG.
Regis- Well in that case, @#$%^&-
(Author waves her hand, muting Regis.)
Regis- (angrily) ..........
Author- Ok, now Entreri, Colson, and Jarlaxle are at the ball. Drizzt you notice them.
Drizzt- Do I go over and say hi?
Author- Um, no. You try to stop them from coming in.
Drizzt- (confused) Why?
Author- Because they're your enemy.
Drizzt- (doubtful) Are you sure?
Author- Yes.
(Drizzt shrugs then turns, draws his scimaters, and starts attacking Colson while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".)
Author- No! No! No! Tybalt doesn't actually attack them! Bruenor, you stop Drizzt from attacking them and say that Romeo Entreri is a fine young man and that you are happy he is here.
(Bruenor starts laughing.)
Catti-brie- Um, Drizzt? Why are you singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"?
Drizzt- (confused) Why not?
Guen- Um, because there's no reason for it?
Drizzt- It works good! This scimater is named Twinkle and I renamed Icingdeath, Star.
Vierna- In that case Flower is now being renamed to Sweetie-pie.
Matron Malice- You people scare me.
Author- Anyway, Entreri you meet Catti-brie and kiss her.
Everyone- WHAT?
Wulfgar- What's kiss?
Author- (smirks) I did tell you it was a romance, didn't I?
Drizzt- (confused) I thought it was humor?
Author- That's the fic, not the play.
Entreri- (mutters) Stupid Shakespeare.
Catti-brie- That's it! Drizzt is now playing Romeo!
Author- Fine! You don't have to kiss each other you just have to pretend.
Catti-brie- (complaining) Why can't Drizzt be Entreri's stunt double?
Author- Maybe because they look nothing alike?
(Shakespeare screams and dies.)
Entreri- (to Shakespeare's corpse) That's for making me pretend to kiss Catti-brie!
Bruenor- (threateningly) You think there's something wrong with my girl?
Drizzt- (hurt) I thought I was the only one allowed to kiss her!
(Catti-brie kisses Drizzt.)
Everyone- Awwwwwwww!
Author- I think we'll do the rest of the scene later. I have homework.
Lady Alustriel- You have homework on your birthday?
Errtu- I thought it was my birthday?
Matron Malice- Do you share a birthday?
Author- Fortunately, no. My birthday was Wednesday.
Regis- (shows painting of the Mona Lisa with a moustache) This is a picture of the Author. It's my birthday gift. (A: I have nothing against the Mona Lisa, but it's the only great art work I thought everyone would recognize.)
(Author breaks easel over Regis's head.)
Author- I'm leaving!
Everyone- Yay!
(Author leaves, accidently on purpose letting in Lloth, Lavender Morninglord, the porcupine, and the FanGirls.)
Zaknafein- NOOOO!
Drizzt- Caps Lock!
Vierna- (to Lavender Morninglord) Hi, honey!
Wulfgar- What's honey?
A: That's it for now. Sorry for the Zaknafein bashing, but SOMEONE had to go insane due to porcupine. I'll write more, but I'm kinda busy in school so don't expect much more for a while. Just in case anyone's wondering, Lavender Morninglord is a FR character that my brother told me existed. Will someone tell me whether he's lying or not?
A: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! (Sept. 25) For my birthday I received a very big case of writers block, so this chapter is really short and stupid. I tried to include more Zaknafein, but it turned into Zaknafein bashing. *runs away from angry Fan Girls*
(Author walks in on Errtu's birthday party. Room grows silent as cast notices her.)
Mindi- Purple Skunk! Purple Skunk!
(The birthday cake disappears.)
Shadowmusic's Brother- Why the h*** does your muse keep transporting food into my room?!
Author- Sorry you guys, but you have to leave. Your reserved for the "lunch" chapters.
(Do we really have to leave?)
Author- Yes.
(Narrator, Mindi, and Shadowmusic's Brother all leave the room. Zaknafein tries to leave with them.)
Author- Oh no you don't! They have to leave using the front door, past the Fan Girls.
(Zaknafein runs back and hides behind Matron Malice.)
Regis- Talking of such, how did you get in? We barred all the doors we could find.
Author- The skylight.
(Everyone looks up.)
Delly- But there is no skylight.
(Author looks up, then waves her hand. A skylight appears.)
Author- That's my invisible skylight.
Regis- What's the point of a skylight if it's invisible?
Author- To sneak in.
Zaknafein- We're going to have to find some way to bar that.
Regis- I'll find a ladder. . . but I'm afraid of heights.
Wulfgar- (looks down at Regis) So that's why you're so small.
Zaknafein- That's the most intelligent thing you've said yet, and it's completely stupid.
Wulfgar- Huh?
Delly- My Wulffie-poo isn't stupid!
Catti-brie- He isn't?
Author- Haven't we had this discussion already?
Drizzt- Several times.
(A flying porcupine lands on Wulfgar, crushing him.)
Author- (blinks) Ok . . . that was unusual.
Zaknafein- It was strange! It was disturbing! It was. . . was . . .was. . .insane!
Author- (concerned) Zaknafein, are you feeling alright?
Zaknafein- I have nightmares about this!
Matron Malice- You have nightmares about FLYING PORCUPINES ?!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Zaknafein- THE INSANITY! THE INSANITY!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word!
(Zaknafein screams and runs around wildly.)
Author- I think we drove him insane.
Regis- Cool! I always wanted to drive someone insane!
Lady Alustriel- It must be because of the pet rocks.
Author- Pet rocks?!
Lady Alustriel- Your brother was selling them. Everyone but Zaknafein bought one for 10 sacks of gold.
Author- Me and my brother are going to have a looong talk afterwards.
(Another porcupine flys through the air, narrowly missing Zaknafein. Zaknafein screams louder.)
Zaknafein- Ahhhhhhh! Porcupine! Ahhhhhhh!
Author- Vierna? Will you take Zaknafein into my brother's bedroom for a little time out?
Vierna- (reluctantly) Fine.
(Vierna takes Zaknafein into Shadowmusic's Brother's room. Wulfgar gets up and starts throwing Barbies and pet rocks at the door.)
Wulfgar- No flirting!
Matron Malice- Flirting?
(Author opens door. Vierna and Lavender Morninglord walk out. Zaknafein can be heard screaming from inside.)
Author- (to Lavender Morninglord) What were you doing in my brother's room?
Lavender Morninglord- We had an appointment to discuss the temples in Waterdeep and I found THIS beautiful woman inside.
(Lavender Morninglord motions to Vierna. Vierna blushes. A Barbie hits Lavender Morninglord on the head.)
Vierna- (to Wulfgar) You idiot! You don't throw Barbies at all powerful gods!
Lavender Morninglord- (soothingly) Well at least it wasn't a pet rock.
(A flying porcupine hits Lavender Morninglord on the head.)
Zaknafein- Flying Porcupine! The insanity! The insanity!
(Zaknafein jumps into Matron Malice's arms. Matron Malice drops him.)
Matron Malice- Vierna? I hold you responsible for this behavior.
Vierna- (mildly) Ok, I'll just whip him for it. He IS just a male after all.
(Lavender Morninglord looks scared and backs away from Vierna.)
Author- You can't do that, he's already dead. Besides, it's against the rules to whip mentally deficient people.
Colson- Does that mean I can't whip my father?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Jarlaxle- You could whip ME, sweetheart!
(Jarlaxle winks at Colson then slumps unconscious as a pet rock hits him on the head.)
Wulfgar- No flirting!
Catti-brie- His aim got better! (thinks for a moment) Wait a minute, something's not right here. First, he said a sentence, granted a very stupid one. Then, he detected flirting behind a closed door. Now, his aim's improved. What's with this?
(Matron Malice pulls an empty flask from Wulfgar's hand.)
Matron Malice- (reading label) Potion of Wisdom.
Regis- If that's what a Potion Of Wisdom does to him, than I'd hate to see what a Potion Of Stupidity would do!
(The porcupine start running after Zaknafein. Zaknafein tries to run away, but he is strapped into Flower.)
Author- (to Vierna) What did I say about torturing mentally disturbed people?
Vierna- (disappointed)Oh, all right.
(Vierna lets Zaknafein go, but brightens as she sees Drizzt.)
Vierna- (sweetly) Oh, brother dearest! Why don't you come over here?
Drizzt- (contemplating suicide) Pros: I won't have to face Vierna. Cons: I'll be dead.
Lloth- Don't forget, I get your soul after death.
Drizzt- (nervously) What are you doing here?
Lloth- One of my temples in Waterdeep got blown up.
Author- (shocked) YOU have temples in WATERDEEP?!
Lloth- Well actually they're below Waterdeep in Skullport. But that didn't stop your brother from blowing them up!
Author- (suspiciously) Any other reason?
Lloth- All right, I admit it, I detected flirting!
Vierna- (guiltily) What flirting?
(Lavender Morninglord backs away from Lloth, accidently stepping on and crushing the porcupine. Zaknafein calms down.)
Lloth- (sighs) I suppose I could forgive you. After all, you will be my daughter someday . . . soon.
(Lloth looks pointedly at Zaknafein.)
Zaknafein- (screams and points at Lloth) PORCUPINE!
(Zaknafein runs away, screaming.)
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word!
Wulfgar- (turns to Delly) What's flirting?
Lloth- (to Author) I see the Potion of Wisdom has worn off.
Author- (suspiciously) How did you know about the Potion of Wisdom?
Lloth- (guiltily) What Potion of Wisdom? I didn't say anything about any Potion of Wisdom!
(Lloth chases after Zaknafein.)
Zaknafein- PORCUPINE!
Drizzt- (happily) Caps Lock!
Harkle- Word?
Wulfgar- Huh?
Author- (screams) Shut up!
(Everyone stares at Author.)
Author- Okay! Errtu and Vierna, throw out Lloth and Lavender Morninglord. Zaknafein, get yourself together. We have a play to put on!
Vierna- (flirting with Lavender Morninglord) Come on, let's go.
(Vierna escorts Lavender Morninglord out of the room. Errtu grabs Lloth and drags her away.)
Lloth- (to Zaknafein) Don't worry honey, I'll be back!
Zaknafein- (shudders) You know I met her about the same time I discovered my fear of porcupine.
Drizzt- (helpfully) Flying ones.
Guen- Let's not go into this.
Entreri- (snapping) Let's just get on with this! I want to kill Drizzt and afterwards go home and feed Swimmy.
Drizzt- Swimmy?
Entreri- (guiltily) Who's Swimmy?
Author- I think that's your pet fish.
Entreri- (scowls) Thanks alot.
Drizzt- You have a pet fish?
Entreri- Um, no?
Drizzt- Can I hold it, and hug it, and love it?
Guen- I don't think that's possible.
Entreri- (seriously) If you come within 50 feet of Swimmy you'll have so many dagger holes in you you'll look like that Swiss Cheese that Shadowmusic's Brother keeps trying to sell us.
Author- Darn that Brother!
Bruenor- I wonder what he's using all that gold for anyway.
(Scene cuts to Menzoberranzen where Bregan D'Areth is building a 50 foot statue of Shadowmusic's Brother.)
Jarlaxle- Darn that Brother!
Author- STOP PROCRASTINATING OR I'LL FEED YOU TO SWIMMY!
Entreri- (pales) You wouldn't really do that . . . would you?
Zaknafein- (confused) Why?
Entreri- Swimmy is a 50 foot shark.
Zaknafein- I didn't know they came in that size. Where did you get him?
Entreri- Phycopaths R' Us
Zaknafein- (nervously) You wouldn't really feed us to Swimmy would you?
Author- I would. Now let's get on with it. It's time for the ball.
Regis- Can't we end the chapter?
Author- (calmly) Swimmy.
Regis- Let's go on with this chapter. I don't want to be fed to the stupid shark.
Entreri- (pulls out Jewelled Dagger) What did you say, corpse?
Drizzt- (boldly) You know those pointy things are dangerous.
Zaknafein- (sarcastically) You think?
(Entreri puts his dagger to Drizzt's throat and his sword to Regis's throat.)
Entreri- Never. Insult. Swimmy.
Zaknafein- You're good, but you need to improve your fighting stance.
Entreri- And just how good are you?
(Three seconds later everyone but the Author and Zaknafein is on the floor.)
Drizzt- (stunned) I forgot how fast he was.
FanGirls- (cheers) Yay Zaknafein!
Author- (calmly) If your done killing each other we're SUPPOSED to be at the ball.
Wulfgar- What's a ball?
Author- (smacks forehead) Why do I even put up with this?
Shakespeare- Ah yes, the idiots-
(Shakespeare is cut off as Errtu impales him on his sword.)
Errtu- (smiles) I always wanted to do that.
Author- Now look what you did! I'll have to resurrect the Director . . .again.
(Jarlaxle, Drizzt, Entreri, and Zaknafein all smile guiltily.)
Crystal Shard- (suddenly) Well @#$%^& to you too!
Author Who are you talking to?
Crystal Shard- Entreri's Dagger.
(Everyone stares at Entreri's Dagger. Author waves her hand.)
Entreri's Dagger- -@#$%^& *&^%$ @!$$# &&*^% **&^(#$@!-
(Author waves her hand again.)
Author- Nevermind. I want to at least TRY to keep this fic PG.
Regis- Well in that case, @#$%^&-
(Author waves her hand, muting Regis.)
Regis- (angrily) ..........
Author- Ok, now Entreri, Colson, and Jarlaxle are at the ball. Drizzt you notice them.
Drizzt- Do I go over and say hi?
Author- Um, no. You try to stop them from coming in.
Drizzt- (confused) Why?
Author- Because they're your enemy.
Drizzt- (doubtful) Are you sure?
Author- Yes.
(Drizzt shrugs then turns, draws his scimaters, and starts attacking Colson while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".)
Author- No! No! No! Tybalt doesn't actually attack them! Bruenor, you stop Drizzt from attacking them and say that Romeo Entreri is a fine young man and that you are happy he is here.
(Bruenor starts laughing.)
Catti-brie- Um, Drizzt? Why are you singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"?
Drizzt- (confused) Why not?
Guen- Um, because there's no reason for it?
Drizzt- It works good! This scimater is named Twinkle and I renamed Icingdeath, Star.
Vierna- In that case Flower is now being renamed to Sweetie-pie.
Matron Malice- You people scare me.
Author- Anyway, Entreri you meet Catti-brie and kiss her.
Everyone- WHAT?
Wulfgar- What's kiss?
Author- (smirks) I did tell you it was a romance, didn't I?
Drizzt- (confused) I thought it was humor?
Author- That's the fic, not the play.
Entreri- (mutters) Stupid Shakespeare.
Catti-brie- That's it! Drizzt is now playing Romeo!
Author- Fine! You don't have to kiss each other you just have to pretend.
Catti-brie- (complaining) Why can't Drizzt be Entreri's stunt double?
Author- Maybe because they look nothing alike?
(Shakespeare screams and dies.)
Entreri- (to Shakespeare's corpse) That's for making me pretend to kiss Catti-brie!
Bruenor- (threateningly) You think there's something wrong with my girl?
Drizzt- (hurt) I thought I was the only one allowed to kiss her!
(Catti-brie kisses Drizzt.)
Everyone- Awwwwwwww!
Author- I think we'll do the rest of the scene later. I have homework.
Lady Alustriel- You have homework on your birthday?
Errtu- I thought it was my birthday?
Matron Malice- Do you share a birthday?
Author- Fortunately, no. My birthday was Wednesday.
Regis- (shows painting of the Mona Lisa with a moustache) This is a picture of the Author. It's my birthday gift. (A: I have nothing against the Mona Lisa, but it's the only great art work I thought everyone would recognize.)
(Author breaks easel over Regis's head.)
Author- I'm leaving!
Everyone- Yay!
(Author leaves, accidently on purpose letting in Lloth, Lavender Morninglord, the porcupine, and the FanGirls.)
Zaknafein- NOOOO!
Drizzt- Caps Lock!
Vierna- (to Lavender Morninglord) Hi, honey!
Wulfgar- What's honey?
A: That's it for now. Sorry for the Zaknafein bashing, but SOMEONE had to go insane due to porcupine. I'll write more, but I'm kinda busy in school so don't expect much more for a while. Just in case anyone's wondering, Lavender Morninglord is a FR character that my brother told me existed. Will someone tell me whether he's lying or not?