Meaning of My Existence
Lynn Cheshire (guenhwyvar85@yahoo.com)
Notes: Why is it all my Harry Potter fanfiction (all 2) are odd/disturbing/make no sense? o.O This fic came to me in first block Painting class. I looked out the window, saw a Raven then suddenly had this image of Draco Malfoy in a bloody battlefield bowing to a Raven. Strange I know but it was a really cool image and it got my mind thinking for a fic. So I started writing and I was finished by fourth block US History. ^_^ My fastest fic ever. There's no *real* coupling in this but there is slash (if that's possible O.o) so watch out. Oh yeah, it's written from Draco's point of view and it's when he's an adult.
//...// Symbolizes thoughts.
--------------------
I stood looking out over a field of death and destruction, my wand clutched tightly in one hand. A lone raven floated on an airless breeze for a moment then drifted silently down to land beside me.
I realized that I had been holding my breath and I let it out slowly. I tried to draw another but the stale odor of death assaulted my senses and I held back a choked cough. Even after all this time, after all the death I've witnessed and caused, I have never quite learned to enjoy its flavor. It always leaves me feeling empty and lost inside.
I regained my composure and slipped my wand away to its place beneath my robes. After turning to face the raven I dropped humbly to one knee. If my robes hadn't already been soaked with blood then there were after that. The raven regarded me for a moment then jumped up onto my shoulder. I slowly returned to my feet.
//Do you have him?// I heard the hissing voice of my Lord in my mind. The startling affects of that snake like voice had long since lost their touch on me.
"Yes, my Lord." I replied, my voice devoid of all emotion.
//Did he put up a good fight?// The raven began, idly cleaning his feathers.
"He fell, my Lord, that is all I know on the matter." In truth I had not had the courage or the will to break my Lord's greatest enemy.
//Was the body damaged?//
"No, my Lord" I found myself at that moment wishing desperately that the body had been damaged, then maybe I could save him from his unavoidable fate.
A wicked cackle erupted in my mind. I knew my Lord could read everything in my head, every wish, ever desire. He delighted in my suffering, even though I was his right hand, just as much as he delighted in the suffering of his enemies.
//Bring him to me, I wish to get this over with as soon as possible.//
"Right here, my Lord?" I questioned, somewhat astonished. Surely there were better places to do this than a bloody battlefield.
//Do not question me!// he snapped. //Bring him to me now!//
I tried to fight back a headache that was developing from the screaming in my head as I reluctantly sent a summoning spell to those who held the prisoner. After a moment they appeared and I felt the familiar cold and emptiness that came when standing in the presence of Dementors. I fought back a shudder; I must not appear weak before my Lord or the prisoner. I turned so that both the raven and I could face them I nodded to the two Dementors and they dropped the chain bound prisoner to the group in a heap.
Even with his head bowed and his robes soaked with blood and mud, even after all these years there was no mistaking him. He was the man who in his youth was known as the boy who lived. This was Harry Potter, greatest enemy of my Lord.
"Nothing to say Potter?" I sneered. "No courageous words of defiance in the face of defeat? Really Harry, I expected more from you."
"What would you have me say?" He spoke, his head still bowed, his voice barely a whisper. "Would you have me beg for mercy? Everyone and everything I have ever loved is gone. Ron died fighting you, Hermione died of grief. My wife and sons killed while they slept. All of them, gone..." He looked up at me. His face was stained with dried blood, tears and mud, his wild black hair was damp with sweat and his fiery green eyes reflected the sorrow in his soul.
A sudden look of surprise crossed his face as recognition dawned on him "Dra- Draco?"
"Surprised to see me Harry? Were you expecting some else? The Dark Lord perhaps? Or maybe even my father?" I let a bitter, emotionless laugh escape my lips. "Well, I can assure you that Lucius Malfoy will never trouble you again in this life." I could tell he knew what I was referring too. It was common knowledge that I had eliminated the obstacle of my father to gain the right hand of my Lord. "But as for my Lord," I glanced at the raven on my shoulder. "I can guarantee that soon you will have a very personal relationship with him."
"Why, Draco? Why did you follow this path? You could have been like Severus! You could have gained redemption for your soul!"
Lightning flashed before my eyes at the mention of my former teacher's name, the only teacher at Hogwarts that I had actually learned something from. My hand twitched and I longed for my wand so that I could kill this fool right here and now, but my Lord needed this prisoner and I knew deep down that I could never kill Harry. I gritted my teeth. "Severus was a very gifted man, he could have been a very powerful Death Eater. He chose his own path and I respect him no less for that than I ever have. I only wish our paths had been the same." I paused and let a sadistic smile cross my face. "It's funny you should mention soul redemption though. These two loyal servants of mine," I gestured to the Dementors on either side of him, "will delight in feeding upon your 'redeemed' soul."
Pure fear, like I've seen so many times before, but never in him, swept over Harry's features. "No Draco!" He cried out in anguish as he began to struggle to break free from his chains. "Please just kill me, let my soul cross over so that I may finally rest with my family and friends who have already lost their lives! Please..." Both Dementors grasped him by his arms and pulled him to his feet.
I stepped closer to him, in the back of my mind I noted that he was taller than the last time I saw him. I brought one of my hands up and rested it lightly on his cheek. I let my slender fingers trace the contours of his face. I leaned close to his ear and whispered to him. "I'm sorry, Harry..." and for the first time in years I let my guard drop and gave in to one of my hidden desires. Leaning a little closer I brushed my lips gently on his cheek in the lightest of kisses.
I pulled back a step. "But this is my Lord's will." With that I gave a curt nod to the Dementors, signaling them to do their job. I paused and ran my eyes one last time over the legendary Harry Potter. I swallowed hard. Not having the will to watch I closed my eyes tightly. I longed to cover my ears and block out the all too familiar sounds that come when a Dementor devours a soul. I tried my best to ignore Harry's cries of protest and despair. Slowly the sounds began to die and I felt my own despair begin to grow.
//It is time Draco, I will need your assistance for this.// My Lord's voice cut through my despairing thoughts.
I nodded sharply, opened my eyes and turned back towards Harry, or what was once Harry. His body, no longer bound by chains, lay on it's back at the feet of the Dementors, his hands were at his sides, palms down, and his sightless eyes stared up at the blackened sky.
The raven leapt from my shoulder onto Harry and positioned itself on his chest. I took a deep breath and drew my wand. In a monotone voice I began the incantation that would transfer my Lord's soul. I preformed all the proper movements, said all the right words. When I finished a blast of green and black light erupted from the end of my wand and surrounded the soulless body of Harry. I heard the unmistakable cry of a raven and then there was a blast of purple smoke.
I closed my eyes for a moment and when I reopened them the raven was no more. Only a few black feathers floated gently to the ground. I stared at Harry's body for a long moment, waiting for something to happen. Finally there was movement. First a hand moved ever so slightly, then the eyes fluttered a bit and finally a groan escaped from his lips. He sat up and stretched out every soar muscle. At last he rose to his feet and faced me. He was in every way the Harry Potter I had once known, but the fire was gone from his eyes, replaced by a malevolence I knew could only come from my Lord. There was one other change; the lightning scar that Harry received from my Lord when he was just an infant was gone. I its place was a small version of the Dark Mark. I felt its mirror on my arm tingle slightly when I looked at it.
A smirk crossed the familiar face, so uncharacteristic for it. "Oh the delicious irony," he said as he started down at his hands. "That I, Lord Voldemort would occupy the very body of the wizard who everyone thought would destroy me." The voice was Harry's but yet it was also the voice of my Lord. I could do nothing but bow my head respectfully.
My Lord stared at me for a long moment then stepped close to me. He placed a curved finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that I was looking into his cold, emerald eyes.
"I know you, my devoted servant," He whispered, his nose almost touching mine. He was so close... I felt my blood burn as old desires began to plague me. He continued on, delighting in the torment he knew he was causing me.
"I may not know what you feel here," with his free hand he tapped my chest where my heart was. "But I know what you feel in here," he tapped my forehead. "And I know what he felt here and here," he tapped his own chest and forehead.
I waited a moment for my Lord to finish when suddenly his lips crashed against mine. His tongue pried my lips apart with little effort and began to do battle with my own. I tried to pull away but his strong arms held me still. Truthfully, part of me didn't want to pull away. Wasn't this what I had desired for so many years? Hadn't I dreamt about this as I satisfied my hunger with countless lovers who meant nothing to me?
No. What I had wanted was now just a shell. I would never have what I wanted and I would never know now, if things had been different, if I would have been able to possess that which I desired.
The kiss ended as harshly as it had started. My mouth was soar and I could taste the metallic flavor of blood. I drew in a deep breath and tried to look away, but those cold eyes held my gaze. A sadistic grin spread across my Lord's face and he leaned in close to my ear.
"What I know, Draco." He whispered. "Is that you never had a chance." And with that he began to laugh, a cold cruel laugh devoid of life. His words stung my ears but I knew they rang true. I watched motionlessly as he drifted off across the field and I gripped my wand so tightly my knuckles turned pure white.
I looked to the Dementors who still stood waiting for orders. "Oh, how I long for your kiss," I breathed, "so that I could at last put an end to my meaningless existence."
I took one last look over the blood-drenched field, so much death, so much suffering. To bring these things to the world, that was my purpose. That was the meaning of my existence.
With my jaw set in quiet determination I motioned for the Dementors to follow me and I headed off over the field, following obediently in my Lord's wake.
~Owari~
--------------------
Well...it was odd. But... I think I like it. It sure was longer than my first Harry Potter fanfic, especially considering I wrote all this out by hand first @_@. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Please comment! ^_^
Lynn Cheshire (guenhwyvar85@yahoo.com)
Notes: Why is it all my Harry Potter fanfiction (all 2) are odd/disturbing/make no sense? o.O This fic came to me in first block Painting class. I looked out the window, saw a Raven then suddenly had this image of Draco Malfoy in a bloody battlefield bowing to a Raven. Strange I know but it was a really cool image and it got my mind thinking for a fic. So I started writing and I was finished by fourth block US History. ^_^ My fastest fic ever. There's no *real* coupling in this but there is slash (if that's possible O.o) so watch out. Oh yeah, it's written from Draco's point of view and it's when he's an adult.
//...// Symbolizes thoughts.
--------------------
I stood looking out over a field of death and destruction, my wand clutched tightly in one hand. A lone raven floated on an airless breeze for a moment then drifted silently down to land beside me.
I realized that I had been holding my breath and I let it out slowly. I tried to draw another but the stale odor of death assaulted my senses and I held back a choked cough. Even after all this time, after all the death I've witnessed and caused, I have never quite learned to enjoy its flavor. It always leaves me feeling empty and lost inside.
I regained my composure and slipped my wand away to its place beneath my robes. After turning to face the raven I dropped humbly to one knee. If my robes hadn't already been soaked with blood then there were after that. The raven regarded me for a moment then jumped up onto my shoulder. I slowly returned to my feet.
//Do you have him?// I heard the hissing voice of my Lord in my mind. The startling affects of that snake like voice had long since lost their touch on me.
"Yes, my Lord." I replied, my voice devoid of all emotion.
//Did he put up a good fight?// The raven began, idly cleaning his feathers.
"He fell, my Lord, that is all I know on the matter." In truth I had not had the courage or the will to break my Lord's greatest enemy.
//Was the body damaged?//
"No, my Lord" I found myself at that moment wishing desperately that the body had been damaged, then maybe I could save him from his unavoidable fate.
A wicked cackle erupted in my mind. I knew my Lord could read everything in my head, every wish, ever desire. He delighted in my suffering, even though I was his right hand, just as much as he delighted in the suffering of his enemies.
//Bring him to me, I wish to get this over with as soon as possible.//
"Right here, my Lord?" I questioned, somewhat astonished. Surely there were better places to do this than a bloody battlefield.
//Do not question me!// he snapped. //Bring him to me now!//
I tried to fight back a headache that was developing from the screaming in my head as I reluctantly sent a summoning spell to those who held the prisoner. After a moment they appeared and I felt the familiar cold and emptiness that came when standing in the presence of Dementors. I fought back a shudder; I must not appear weak before my Lord or the prisoner. I turned so that both the raven and I could face them I nodded to the two Dementors and they dropped the chain bound prisoner to the group in a heap.
Even with his head bowed and his robes soaked with blood and mud, even after all these years there was no mistaking him. He was the man who in his youth was known as the boy who lived. This was Harry Potter, greatest enemy of my Lord.
"Nothing to say Potter?" I sneered. "No courageous words of defiance in the face of defeat? Really Harry, I expected more from you."
"What would you have me say?" He spoke, his head still bowed, his voice barely a whisper. "Would you have me beg for mercy? Everyone and everything I have ever loved is gone. Ron died fighting you, Hermione died of grief. My wife and sons killed while they slept. All of them, gone..." He looked up at me. His face was stained with dried blood, tears and mud, his wild black hair was damp with sweat and his fiery green eyes reflected the sorrow in his soul.
A sudden look of surprise crossed his face as recognition dawned on him "Dra- Draco?"
"Surprised to see me Harry? Were you expecting some else? The Dark Lord perhaps? Or maybe even my father?" I let a bitter, emotionless laugh escape my lips. "Well, I can assure you that Lucius Malfoy will never trouble you again in this life." I could tell he knew what I was referring too. It was common knowledge that I had eliminated the obstacle of my father to gain the right hand of my Lord. "But as for my Lord," I glanced at the raven on my shoulder. "I can guarantee that soon you will have a very personal relationship with him."
"Why, Draco? Why did you follow this path? You could have been like Severus! You could have gained redemption for your soul!"
Lightning flashed before my eyes at the mention of my former teacher's name, the only teacher at Hogwarts that I had actually learned something from. My hand twitched and I longed for my wand so that I could kill this fool right here and now, but my Lord needed this prisoner and I knew deep down that I could never kill Harry. I gritted my teeth. "Severus was a very gifted man, he could have been a very powerful Death Eater. He chose his own path and I respect him no less for that than I ever have. I only wish our paths had been the same." I paused and let a sadistic smile cross my face. "It's funny you should mention soul redemption though. These two loyal servants of mine," I gestured to the Dementors on either side of him, "will delight in feeding upon your 'redeemed' soul."
Pure fear, like I've seen so many times before, but never in him, swept over Harry's features. "No Draco!" He cried out in anguish as he began to struggle to break free from his chains. "Please just kill me, let my soul cross over so that I may finally rest with my family and friends who have already lost their lives! Please..." Both Dementors grasped him by his arms and pulled him to his feet.
I stepped closer to him, in the back of my mind I noted that he was taller than the last time I saw him. I brought one of my hands up and rested it lightly on his cheek. I let my slender fingers trace the contours of his face. I leaned close to his ear and whispered to him. "I'm sorry, Harry..." and for the first time in years I let my guard drop and gave in to one of my hidden desires. Leaning a little closer I brushed my lips gently on his cheek in the lightest of kisses.
I pulled back a step. "But this is my Lord's will." With that I gave a curt nod to the Dementors, signaling them to do their job. I paused and ran my eyes one last time over the legendary Harry Potter. I swallowed hard. Not having the will to watch I closed my eyes tightly. I longed to cover my ears and block out the all too familiar sounds that come when a Dementor devours a soul. I tried my best to ignore Harry's cries of protest and despair. Slowly the sounds began to die and I felt my own despair begin to grow.
//It is time Draco, I will need your assistance for this.// My Lord's voice cut through my despairing thoughts.
I nodded sharply, opened my eyes and turned back towards Harry, or what was once Harry. His body, no longer bound by chains, lay on it's back at the feet of the Dementors, his hands were at his sides, palms down, and his sightless eyes stared up at the blackened sky.
The raven leapt from my shoulder onto Harry and positioned itself on his chest. I took a deep breath and drew my wand. In a monotone voice I began the incantation that would transfer my Lord's soul. I preformed all the proper movements, said all the right words. When I finished a blast of green and black light erupted from the end of my wand and surrounded the soulless body of Harry. I heard the unmistakable cry of a raven and then there was a blast of purple smoke.
I closed my eyes for a moment and when I reopened them the raven was no more. Only a few black feathers floated gently to the ground. I stared at Harry's body for a long moment, waiting for something to happen. Finally there was movement. First a hand moved ever so slightly, then the eyes fluttered a bit and finally a groan escaped from his lips. He sat up and stretched out every soar muscle. At last he rose to his feet and faced me. He was in every way the Harry Potter I had once known, but the fire was gone from his eyes, replaced by a malevolence I knew could only come from my Lord. There was one other change; the lightning scar that Harry received from my Lord when he was just an infant was gone. I its place was a small version of the Dark Mark. I felt its mirror on my arm tingle slightly when I looked at it.
A smirk crossed the familiar face, so uncharacteristic for it. "Oh the delicious irony," he said as he started down at his hands. "That I, Lord Voldemort would occupy the very body of the wizard who everyone thought would destroy me." The voice was Harry's but yet it was also the voice of my Lord. I could do nothing but bow my head respectfully.
My Lord stared at me for a long moment then stepped close to me. He placed a curved finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that I was looking into his cold, emerald eyes.
"I know you, my devoted servant," He whispered, his nose almost touching mine. He was so close... I felt my blood burn as old desires began to plague me. He continued on, delighting in the torment he knew he was causing me.
"I may not know what you feel here," with his free hand he tapped my chest where my heart was. "But I know what you feel in here," he tapped my forehead. "And I know what he felt here and here," he tapped his own chest and forehead.
I waited a moment for my Lord to finish when suddenly his lips crashed against mine. His tongue pried my lips apart with little effort and began to do battle with my own. I tried to pull away but his strong arms held me still. Truthfully, part of me didn't want to pull away. Wasn't this what I had desired for so many years? Hadn't I dreamt about this as I satisfied my hunger with countless lovers who meant nothing to me?
No. What I had wanted was now just a shell. I would never have what I wanted and I would never know now, if things had been different, if I would have been able to possess that which I desired.
The kiss ended as harshly as it had started. My mouth was soar and I could taste the metallic flavor of blood. I drew in a deep breath and tried to look away, but those cold eyes held my gaze. A sadistic grin spread across my Lord's face and he leaned in close to my ear.
"What I know, Draco." He whispered. "Is that you never had a chance." And with that he began to laugh, a cold cruel laugh devoid of life. His words stung my ears but I knew they rang true. I watched motionlessly as he drifted off across the field and I gripped my wand so tightly my knuckles turned pure white.
I looked to the Dementors who still stood waiting for orders. "Oh, how I long for your kiss," I breathed, "so that I could at last put an end to my meaningless existence."
I took one last look over the blood-drenched field, so much death, so much suffering. To bring these things to the world, that was my purpose. That was the meaning of my existence.
With my jaw set in quiet determination I motioned for the Dementors to follow me and I headed off over the field, following obediently in my Lord's wake.
~Owari~
--------------------
Well...it was odd. But... I think I like it. It sure was longer than my first Harry Potter fanfic, especially considering I wrote all this out by hand first @_@. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Please comment! ^_^