Ahh...the latest "episode" of The Stupid Show With Cloud Strife! PJC, my cousin, decided he was done with the show, so now I'm the new manager! BWAHAAAHAA!!!
Announcer: Live from Midgar, it's The Stupid Show With Cloud Strife! Starring...CLOUD STRIFE!!!
Cloud: *shakes the audience's hands* Howdy! Nice to see ya! Thanks for coming!
*Tonight show band plays theme song*
Cloud: Good one Squall!
Squall: Thanks!
Cloud: Hi and welcome to the show! Tonight we have Tidus, that blonde brat-
Voice: Like you! HAHAHA!!
Cloud: SEPHIROTH!!!!
Sephiroth: Yep, it's me.
Cloud: SECURITY!!!!!
*Seymour drags Sephiroth away*
Cloud: Thanks Seymour! Now, as I was saying, we have Tidus, that blonde brat from Final Fantasy X. Along with him, we also have Kazuya Mishima from the Iron Fist Tournament, and last but not least, Dante Sparda from Devil May Cry!
Audience: WHOOOO!!
Cloud: We'll be back with the interviews after the commercial break!
*break to commercial*
#Super Glue Hair Gel#
Kazuya: Is your hair down and unfashionable?
Paul: (in his Tekken 4 costume) Yes.
Kazuya: Do people make fun of you because of your hairstyle?
Paul & Heihachi: Yes.
Kazuya: Then try Super Glue Hair Gel! Your new hairstyle will "stick" to you everywhere you go!
Paul: Wow! It's amazing! But my hands are stuck on my head...
Kazuya: *pats Paul of the back* Good for you!
Heihachi: HEY! I thought you said this was Rogaine!!! There's NO HAIR GROWING!!! *with his hands stuck to his shiny, bald dome* I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Kazuya: *snickers* Buy Super Glue Hair Gel! It'll really "stick" to ya! HAHAHA! *puts hand on forehead* Hahaha...WHAT THE HELL?!?! MY F****** HAND'S STUCK TO MY HEAD!!!
~Super Glue Hair Gel~
#Mokujin Donuts#
Jin and Hwoarang are watching Linkin Park's "In The End" music video.
Hwoarang: # It starts with one thing, I don't know why, it doesn't even matter how hard you've tried...# Jin, this is great! Pass the donuts!
Jin: There's only one left...
Hwoarang: Then GIMME!
Jin: MINE!
Hwoarang: NO!
They fight over the donut until it lands on the windowsill...
Jin: Look! The donut!
Hwoarang: THAT'S MINE!!
A pigeon flies over to the windowsill and takes the donut
Hwoarang: NOOOOO!!!
Jin: The...last...DONUT!!
Both: NOOO!!!
*knock, knock*
Bryan: Donuts! I'm here to deliver a dozen fresh Mokujin Donuts and...AH! What the hell! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR SO YOU CAN GET YOUR DAMN DONUTS!!
Jin: Yay!
Hwoarang: *opens the door* ::gasp::
Bryan: yeah yeah, a free Mokujin dummy for every dozen you buy...
Hwoarang: That's not it...
Jin: You're wearing a delivery boy uniform!
Both: HAHAHA!
Bryan: What the hell...HAHAHAHA!
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
~Mokujin Donuts...The fresh donut...~
Cloud: And we're back! First tonight, we have Tidus!
Tidus: Wassup, peeps?
Audience: WHOO!!
Cloud: Have a seat!
Tidus: Thanks! *sits down*
Cloud: Welcome to the show!
Tidus: Glad to be here!
Cloud: Now, onto the questions. Tidus, is it true you're in love with Yuna?
Tidus: Yes, and I love her with all my heart!
Cloud: I see...So, what do you think of Seymour?
Tidus: He married my girl, made my life in Spira a living hell...HE'S GREAT, MAN!
Cloud: But you just said he made your life a living hell!
Tidus: What's done is done. We go watch movies together, egg houses, moon old people, and TP the trees in the park! We're like, brothers!
Seymour: Wassup, my homie?!
Tidus: Sup dude!
Seymour: Man, getting' laid by Lulu has GOT to be the greatest thing in my life!
Tidus: Yuna and I are getting married!
Seymour: Wait! Lemme divorce her, first. *signs papers* She's all yours!
Cloud: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. First, you all hated each other, now you're all buddy-buddy?
Tidus and Seymour: YES!
Cloud: Okay, let's forget this...Tidus and...Seymour everyone!
Audience: WHOOOOO!!!
Cloud: Now, let's go to a commercial break, shall we?
*Commercial break*
#Public Warning#
Lei: (dressed in a police officer uniform) Young adults...and adults...are getting robbed, hurt, abducted, and broke. You know why? It's because of hitch hikers. Yes, SLUTTY hitch hikers. Let's see what would happen to young Steve here.
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car* Beep, beep. Hello, there!
Anna: Hello! May a have a ride in your hot wheels?
Steve: Of course! Hop in! *Anna slips under the cardboard car* And away we go!
Lei: Tsk, tsk. This is what happened to poor Steve AFTER he had picked up Anna.
Steve: LOOK! The Dixie plate wheel on my car is GONE! See?! * fake gasp* MY MONEY!!!
Lei: See? Now this is what happens if Steve DIDN'T pick up Anna.
Anna: Hello there!
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car, with a new plate glued on err...wheel* Get lost, whore! I don't want sluts in MY ride! *runs, err...SPEEDS away*
Anna: Well I never!
Lei: God one, Steve! Because of that move, he's a top Middleweight boxer and famous rich guy! He even got laid by Xiaoyu! See kids, follow Steve's example.
Steve, Lei, Anna: DON'T PICK UP HITCH HIKERS!
Steve: Except if it's a certain Chinese girl named Ling Xiaoyu! *wink, wink*
Lei: STEVE! *smacks Steve on the back of the head*
~Don't Pick Up Hitch Hikers...especially slutty ones...~
Cloud: And we're back! With us next is Dante Sparda, from the hit horror game, Devil May Cry!
Dante: Sup, man! *sits down*
Cloud: How's it going? I mean, with your dad and all.
Dante: Dad sucks.
Cloud: I see...How's Trish?
Dante: She's good.
Cloud: Not very conversational, are you?
Dante: Nope.
Cloud: Umm...do you think Nightmare was hard?
Dante: Nope. He was easy. Didn't scare me a bit!
Cloud: Oh, alright then...WOULD YOU LIKE SOME JELL-O?!?! *holds out a bowl of Jell-O*
Dante: AAAHHH!!! NIGHTMARE!!! *takes out his guns and shoots the bowl*
Cloud: AW CRAP!! That was a bit TOO CLOSE TO MY HAND!!!!!!
Dante: Sorry man, but ever since Nightmare, Jell-O just scares me. Bill Cosby does too.
Cloud: Why?
Dante: He's associated with Jell-O.
Cloud: I see...Did you know that Trish's hot?
Dante: WHAT'S THAT?!?! *starts shooting Cloud*
Cloud: DAH! *takes out Ultima Weapon* HAH!
Dante: *takes out Alastor* Two can play at that game!
*both fight*
Squall: Come on, shall we?
(Squall and Tonight Show band play ff7 Boss Fight music)
After ten minutes, they finally stop fighting, leaving it at a draw.
Cloud: Not bad.
Dante: Same to you. I didn't know you were THAT good with a sword.
Cloud: Back to you.
Dante: Hey! Let's meet at the square Saturday Night! They have swordfights weekly!
Cloud: Okay! Dante Sparda everybody!
Audience: WHOOOO!!!
Cloud: Now, onto commercial break!
*commercial break*
#Want to lose weight?#
Michelle: Wanna lose weight, and fast? Well, come on down to the Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program! Here, we have a dance program if you want to lose weight with style! Our dance teachers, Christie Monteiro and Eddy Gordo!
Eddy: Now SPIIINN!! Then Kick, kick, spin, spin, spin some more, and SPIIIINNNN!!!!
Christie: Work it, people!
Eddy: Ganryu! No squishing people!
Michelle: Here we have one of our members, Ganryu!
Ganryu, Eddy, and Christie walk over to Michelle
Michelle: Of course, we also have...ACUPUNCTURE!
Christie: Needles are ready!
Michelle: Great! Now try it out on one of the fat people over there.
Christie: Okay! *goes to a fat person and pokes her with the needle*
Lady: *gasp* I'm skinny! That needle released the air from my body! Thank you, Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program!
Michelle: See? Lose weight in SECONDS! Now, I shall poke Ganryu with this needle!
Ganryu: It won't hurt, right?
Michelle: Not a bit! *pokes Ganryu with the needle* *air escaping* See? It really works!
Christie: But not in the way we wanted...
Ganryu: *fart, fart, FAAAARRRRTTTT!!!!*
All: *gasp, faint*
Ganryu; It really does work!
~Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program~
Cloud: And we're back! Next we have Kazuya Mishima of The Iron Fist Tournament 4! Give it for Kazuya everyone!
Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Kazuya: Man, it's great to be here! *sits down*
Cloud: Glad to have you here! Now, do you miss Jun?
Kazuya: Everyday. *sniff*
Cloud: I see...what do you think of your son, Jin?
Kazuya: Pansy.
Cloud: Why say that about your son?
Kazuya: That's because he is one! Come on, who would be friends with girls and doesn't get laid by them? Not me, but Jin? Yes.
Cloud: Very interesting. I'm guessing that you hate your father, Heihachi, as well?
Kazuya: Every fuckin' day. Come on?! Who would love a guy that threw his own son off a cliff, threw him into a volcano, and of course, SHOT MY SON SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES?!?! Most importantly, THROWING ME INTO THAT VOLCANO!!!! *fumes*
Cloud: Whoa man, calm down! Now, don't turn into the devil on me, I've already gotten my ass kicked by Hwoarang last night.
Hwoarang (in the audience): DAMN STRAIGHT!!
Cloud: *hides behind his chair* Last question for you, Kazuya. Do you like the devil? Come on, I mean, who would support the forces hell?
Kazuya: I WOULD!!!! *turns into Devil, hits Cloud with a 10 hit Combo*
Audience: OOOOOO!!!!!!
Cloud: *lands on his desk, which blows up from Devil's beam* That's it for tonight...Have a nice daaayyyy...*passes out*
*Squall plays FF7 Victory song*
Audience: WHOOOO!!!
Dante: DEVILS RULLLEE!!!!!!
Good! Now that you've gotten this far, R&R!!!!!!!
Announcer: Live from Midgar, it's The Stupid Show With Cloud Strife! Starring...CLOUD STRIFE!!!
Cloud: *shakes the audience's hands* Howdy! Nice to see ya! Thanks for coming!
*Tonight show band plays theme song*
Cloud: Good one Squall!
Squall: Thanks!
Cloud: Hi and welcome to the show! Tonight we have Tidus, that blonde brat-
Voice: Like you! HAHAHA!!
Cloud: SEPHIROTH!!!!
Sephiroth: Yep, it's me.
Cloud: SECURITY!!!!!
*Seymour drags Sephiroth away*
Cloud: Thanks Seymour! Now, as I was saying, we have Tidus, that blonde brat from Final Fantasy X. Along with him, we also have Kazuya Mishima from the Iron Fist Tournament, and last but not least, Dante Sparda from Devil May Cry!
Audience: WHOOOO!!
Cloud: We'll be back with the interviews after the commercial break!
*break to commercial*
#Super Glue Hair Gel#
Kazuya: Is your hair down and unfashionable?
Paul: (in his Tekken 4 costume) Yes.
Kazuya: Do people make fun of you because of your hairstyle?
Paul & Heihachi: Yes.
Kazuya: Then try Super Glue Hair Gel! Your new hairstyle will "stick" to you everywhere you go!
Paul: Wow! It's amazing! But my hands are stuck on my head...
Kazuya: *pats Paul of the back* Good for you!
Heihachi: HEY! I thought you said this was Rogaine!!! There's NO HAIR GROWING!!! *with his hands stuck to his shiny, bald dome* I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Kazuya: *snickers* Buy Super Glue Hair Gel! It'll really "stick" to ya! HAHAHA! *puts hand on forehead* Hahaha...WHAT THE HELL?!?! MY F****** HAND'S STUCK TO MY HEAD!!!
~Super Glue Hair Gel~
#Mokujin Donuts#
Jin and Hwoarang are watching Linkin Park's "In The End" music video.
Hwoarang: # It starts with one thing, I don't know why, it doesn't even matter how hard you've tried...# Jin, this is great! Pass the donuts!
Jin: There's only one left...
Hwoarang: Then GIMME!
Jin: MINE!
Hwoarang: NO!
They fight over the donut until it lands on the windowsill...
Jin: Look! The donut!
Hwoarang: THAT'S MINE!!
A pigeon flies over to the windowsill and takes the donut
Hwoarang: NOOOOO!!!
Jin: The...last...DONUT!!
Both: NOOO!!!
*knock, knock*
Bryan: Donuts! I'm here to deliver a dozen fresh Mokujin Donuts and...AH! What the hell! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR SO YOU CAN GET YOUR DAMN DONUTS!!
Jin: Yay!
Hwoarang: *opens the door* ::gasp::
Bryan: yeah yeah, a free Mokujin dummy for every dozen you buy...
Hwoarang: That's not it...
Jin: You're wearing a delivery boy uniform!
Both: HAHAHA!
Bryan: What the hell...HAHAHAHA!
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
~Mokujin Donuts...The fresh donut...~
Cloud: And we're back! First tonight, we have Tidus!
Tidus: Wassup, peeps?
Audience: WHOO!!
Cloud: Have a seat!
Tidus: Thanks! *sits down*
Cloud: Welcome to the show!
Tidus: Glad to be here!
Cloud: Now, onto the questions. Tidus, is it true you're in love with Yuna?
Tidus: Yes, and I love her with all my heart!
Cloud: I see...So, what do you think of Seymour?
Tidus: He married my girl, made my life in Spira a living hell...HE'S GREAT, MAN!
Cloud: But you just said he made your life a living hell!
Tidus: What's done is done. We go watch movies together, egg houses, moon old people, and TP the trees in the park! We're like, brothers!
Seymour: Wassup, my homie?!
Tidus: Sup dude!
Seymour: Man, getting' laid by Lulu has GOT to be the greatest thing in my life!
Tidus: Yuna and I are getting married!
Seymour: Wait! Lemme divorce her, first. *signs papers* She's all yours!
Cloud: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. First, you all hated each other, now you're all buddy-buddy?
Tidus and Seymour: YES!
Cloud: Okay, let's forget this...Tidus and...Seymour everyone!
Audience: WHOOOOO!!!
Cloud: Now, let's go to a commercial break, shall we?
*Commercial break*
#Public Warning#
Lei: (dressed in a police officer uniform) Young adults...and adults...are getting robbed, hurt, abducted, and broke. You know why? It's because of hitch hikers. Yes, SLUTTY hitch hikers. Let's see what would happen to young Steve here.
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car* Beep, beep. Hello, there!
Anna: Hello! May a have a ride in your hot wheels?
Steve: Of course! Hop in! *Anna slips under the cardboard car* And away we go!
Lei: Tsk, tsk. This is what happened to poor Steve AFTER he had picked up Anna.
Steve: LOOK! The Dixie plate wheel on my car is GONE! See?! * fake gasp* MY MONEY!!!
Lei: See? Now this is what happens if Steve DIDN'T pick up Anna.
Anna: Hello there!
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car, with a new plate glued on err...wheel* Get lost, whore! I don't want sluts in MY ride! *runs, err...SPEEDS away*
Anna: Well I never!
Lei: God one, Steve! Because of that move, he's a top Middleweight boxer and famous rich guy! He even got laid by Xiaoyu! See kids, follow Steve's example.
Steve, Lei, Anna: DON'T PICK UP HITCH HIKERS!
Steve: Except if it's a certain Chinese girl named Ling Xiaoyu! *wink, wink*
Lei: STEVE! *smacks Steve on the back of the head*
~Don't Pick Up Hitch Hikers...especially slutty ones...~
Cloud: And we're back! With us next is Dante Sparda, from the hit horror game, Devil May Cry!
Dante: Sup, man! *sits down*
Cloud: How's it going? I mean, with your dad and all.
Dante: Dad sucks.
Cloud: I see...How's Trish?
Dante: She's good.
Cloud: Not very conversational, are you?
Dante: Nope.
Cloud: Umm...do you think Nightmare was hard?
Dante: Nope. He was easy. Didn't scare me a bit!
Cloud: Oh, alright then...WOULD YOU LIKE SOME JELL-O?!?! *holds out a bowl of Jell-O*
Dante: AAAHHH!!! NIGHTMARE!!! *takes out his guns and shoots the bowl*
Cloud: AW CRAP!! That was a bit TOO CLOSE TO MY HAND!!!!!!
Dante: Sorry man, but ever since Nightmare, Jell-O just scares me. Bill Cosby does too.
Cloud: Why?
Dante: He's associated with Jell-O.
Cloud: I see...Did you know that Trish's hot?
Dante: WHAT'S THAT?!?! *starts shooting Cloud*
Cloud: DAH! *takes out Ultima Weapon* HAH!
Dante: *takes out Alastor* Two can play at that game!
*both fight*
Squall: Come on, shall we?
(Squall and Tonight Show band play ff7 Boss Fight music)
After ten minutes, they finally stop fighting, leaving it at a draw.
Cloud: Not bad.
Dante: Same to you. I didn't know you were THAT good with a sword.
Cloud: Back to you.
Dante: Hey! Let's meet at the square Saturday Night! They have swordfights weekly!
Cloud: Okay! Dante Sparda everybody!
Audience: WHOOOO!!!
Cloud: Now, onto commercial break!
*commercial break*
#Want to lose weight?#
Michelle: Wanna lose weight, and fast? Well, come on down to the Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program! Here, we have a dance program if you want to lose weight with style! Our dance teachers, Christie Monteiro and Eddy Gordo!
Eddy: Now SPIIINN!! Then Kick, kick, spin, spin, spin some more, and SPIIIINNNN!!!!
Christie: Work it, people!
Eddy: Ganryu! No squishing people!
Michelle: Here we have one of our members, Ganryu!
Ganryu, Eddy, and Christie walk over to Michelle
Michelle: Of course, we also have...ACUPUNCTURE!
Christie: Needles are ready!
Michelle: Great! Now try it out on one of the fat people over there.
Christie: Okay! *goes to a fat person and pokes her with the needle*
Lady: *gasp* I'm skinny! That needle released the air from my body! Thank you, Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program!
Michelle: See? Lose weight in SECONDS! Now, I shall poke Ganryu with this needle!
Ganryu: It won't hurt, right?
Michelle: Not a bit! *pokes Ganryu with the needle* *air escaping* See? It really works!
Christie: But not in the way we wanted...
Ganryu: *fart, fart, FAAAARRRRTTTT!!!!*
All: *gasp, faint*
Ganryu; It really does work!
~Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program~
Cloud: And we're back! Next we have Kazuya Mishima of The Iron Fist Tournament 4! Give it for Kazuya everyone!
Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Kazuya: Man, it's great to be here! *sits down*
Cloud: Glad to have you here! Now, do you miss Jun?
Kazuya: Everyday. *sniff*
Cloud: I see...what do you think of your son, Jin?
Kazuya: Pansy.
Cloud: Why say that about your son?
Kazuya: That's because he is one! Come on, who would be friends with girls and doesn't get laid by them? Not me, but Jin? Yes.
Cloud: Very interesting. I'm guessing that you hate your father, Heihachi, as well?
Kazuya: Every fuckin' day. Come on?! Who would love a guy that threw his own son off a cliff, threw him into a volcano, and of course, SHOT MY SON SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES?!?! Most importantly, THROWING ME INTO THAT VOLCANO!!!! *fumes*
Cloud: Whoa man, calm down! Now, don't turn into the devil on me, I've already gotten my ass kicked by Hwoarang last night.
Hwoarang (in the audience): DAMN STRAIGHT!!
Cloud: *hides behind his chair* Last question for you, Kazuya. Do you like the devil? Come on, I mean, who would support the forces hell?
Kazuya: I WOULD!!!! *turns into Devil, hits Cloud with a 10 hit Combo*
Audience: OOOOOO!!!!!!
Cloud: *lands on his desk, which blows up from Devil's beam* That's it for tonight...Have a nice daaayyyy...*passes out*
*Squall plays FF7 Victory song*
Audience: WHOOOO!!!
Dante: DEVILS RULLLEE!!!!!!
Good! Now that you've gotten this far, R&R!!!!!!!