A/N: Hey, hi, how you doin'? Ahh, I'm so glad I got this chapter up today. I've been wondering who to work on after Yamucha, so when I decided on Kuririn, I didn't know how it'd turn out. Looks okay to me, but I'm favoring my first two chapters. Well, read and decide for yourself minna. And I'd just like to say to future flamers, that this is a PARODY fanfiction and that even though I bash, I actually like these characters some. So yank that stick out of your ass and quit being a baby. Now, Arigato!
***
On one glorious, starry-skied evening our all-time favorite former monk Kuririn was out for a stroll in West City. After three straight hours of listening to the pervert, the pig, and the should-be-dead-and-decaying-by-now-but-isn't turtle argue over the remote, he forgot about babysitting his daughter while his wife was out robbing a jewelry store, and took off. Walking along on his merry little way with no exact destination in mind, he stopped in front of a Shoe Shop to take a look in the window.
Half an hour later, the balding one emerged from the shop, his wallet over two hundred dollars lighter, with a freakishly expensive pair of cowboy boots for his lovely lover. How he could afford a pair of disgustingly high-priced boots when he supposedly can't afford rent is beyond me. How he could actually get someone to marry him is beyond me as well. But then, there isn't much else to say when you consider the fact that the person who DID marry him was an Android. Hm. Well, moving on.
Kuririn continued his stroll down the avenue, pausing once to help an old lady across the street. Unfortunately, he took her hand a little too roughly, and three hours later she couldn't use it to pick up her coffee cup after the doctor informed her that all of her the bones had been crushed. But at least he got her across the street. Good job there, shorty.
After stopping at several more stores, and capsulizing about fourteen Big Brown Shopping Bags, the former monk popped the cases into his pocket and walked on. Tucking his wallet into his pocket with the capsules, he made a mental note to leave Master Roshi another I.O.U. for this month's rent. Living on a private island in the middle of nowhere sure got expensive after a while. Passing by Capsule Corp. Drive, he doubled back, grabbed a coffee at the corner Starbucks, and headed towards Bulma's. 'Wow, Bulma will be so surprised to see me!' He thought happily. 'I think it's been a full two days since our last barbeque get-together.' Wow. A lot could have happened to Bulma in two days. She might have even gotten herself knocked up again.
Reaching the driveway of the large complex, he walked up to the door and knocked, waiting for someone to answer.
After a few minutes he knocked again, and stood back on the steps, waiting.
Another knock. More waiting.
One more time. Still no answer.
'Hmm, they must have gone out.' He thought, and walked back down the driveway, deciding to drop by Yamucha's old apartment and see if he was in. Meanwhile, Bulma took one last peek out of the window, made sure that Kuririn was turning the corner, and yelled out, 'Okay everyone! He's gone! Now back to work! I have to go sunbathe and those shipments better have gone out before I get back!' Ahh, dictating over some three hundred factory-workers sure does feel good, doesn't it?
Kuririn turned the corner and sneezed, spilling his coffee all over his pants, yet not feeling a thing. But he'll sure as hell smell later. Taking out a hanky, he thought someone must have been talking about him. Maybe his wife was telling some nice young man about him, just like yesterday when they were at the department store and she was talking to the fabulous-looking clerk at the desk. Or the day before when she'd been speaking to the gorgeous policeman outside of the Dunkin' Donuts. Oh well. He'd ask later.
Moving on once again, he stopped to throw his snot-filled hanky in the garbage, and paused as he felt something warm on his leg. Our tiny little man looked down and discovered that a cute, little poodle had chosen his leg as a urinal. He immediately froze, terrified as only a coward like him could be. Dogs sure were mean, and they were nasty too. Scared shitless, Kuririn remembered something his masters at the monastery had told him once: Wild animals like fresh meat, and if you play dead they're likely to leave you alone.
Dropping to the ground, and almost hitting the poor pup in the process, Kuririn gulped and tried to stop his shaking. Imagine, being confronted with a DOG of all things. It couldn't have been something like a nice stick, or a leaf that would piss on his leg. Nope it had to be a scary-ass dog. And it was a whole foot and a half tall too.
The poodle looked at him confusedly. It sniffed his arm, chest, and face, where the monk nearly had a stroke. The pup lifted his leg and finished it's business and trotted off, leaving our scared and shaking friend alone. After trembling in fright for another good hour before realizing the dog had left, Kuririn sat up in a cold puddle of pee. And not necessarily all from the poodle. He stood up and shook himself off, and remembering his plan to visit Yamucha, took off without thought to find somewhere to clean up the mess of urine and coffee, being cautious not to come across any more stray dogs. Or cats for that matter. If dogs were scary then cats were just plain evil.
Kuririn had just passed the Starbucks when a man wearing a long, purple trench coat, bright orange pants, and a blue and pink, unbuttoned flannel shirt ran by, picked him straight off the ground, slung him over his shoulder, and ran off into the setting sun, screeching 'Fish, and fish, the bed sheets are attacking and the dolphins have all run away!!' at a volume considered not humanly possible, until now.
Hey… that guy just stole my stooge. Hm… well, only future chapters may tell us the fate of our dear boy. First I have to track down that dude and get him back. Maybe I can get the dude too…
Until next time, may you offend your acquaintances with utter sarcasm and disdain.
***
*grins* I left off short. I decided half-way through to make it two chapters long, like Yamucha's. But since Yamucha's chapters were two completely different stories from each other, and Kuririn's will be a continuation... it might get confusing. Sorry about that. :P Now, the thanks.
S'ankyuu to those who reviewed:
SSJSkaterTrunks(*grins* Thanks! Heh, I'm not saying I hate him, but Yamucha DOES suck just a little bit! :P), sir-black(That was fun to write. Even more fun to visualize. ^^), HyperSaiyan(^-^ Yamucha is VERY easy to bash. He's not all bad, but it's just so fun! Hope you liked this one as well! And sorry, no other Yammy-chapter. But Kuririn might serve just as well!), Dragon Knight of Snow(^^ Thanks! Glad I made ya laugh. I like doing that! Hope you liked this chapter. And I hope you laughed too!), Sakura no Tenshii(*big grin* I'm so mean! But when you get the ideas, you have to put them down! Yamucha's such a schmoe, true. ^^ Did this live up to the other two? Here's hoping! Talk soon!), SaiyanPrincessZu(Hee, laughing's fun! And don't worry, I changed characters!), Chiruse(*gasp* Such language! ^^ Ahh, glad you liked. So, what do you think of Kuririn? *giggle*), and of course, Chrystaline(*snickers* You don't have to hate to appreciate! Master Roshi is one hell of a perv, but Yamucha's a player. :P Supposedly. And Bulma's just too easy to bash. Talk soon!)!
Thanks to everyone for reviewing. And not a single flame did chapter two recieve! That's an accomplishent, you know. :-P Beware friends! I have someone in mind to work on after Kuririn's has been finished. Meaning, there will be MORE!
Hope y'all enjoyed! If not, suck a lemon and laugh at the sour face you make in the mirror! Ta for now!
Sayonara Minna-San!
T-Sama~
BTW: I'm thinking of changing my pen-name to Ashatan. Whadaya think?
***
On one glorious, starry-skied evening our all-time favorite former monk Kuririn was out for a stroll in West City. After three straight hours of listening to the pervert, the pig, and the should-be-dead-and-decaying-by-now-but-isn't turtle argue over the remote, he forgot about babysitting his daughter while his wife was out robbing a jewelry store, and took off. Walking along on his merry little way with no exact destination in mind, he stopped in front of a Shoe Shop to take a look in the window.
Half an hour later, the balding one emerged from the shop, his wallet over two hundred dollars lighter, with a freakishly expensive pair of cowboy boots for his lovely lover. How he could afford a pair of disgustingly high-priced boots when he supposedly can't afford rent is beyond me. How he could actually get someone to marry him is beyond me as well. But then, there isn't much else to say when you consider the fact that the person who DID marry him was an Android. Hm. Well, moving on.
Kuririn continued his stroll down the avenue, pausing once to help an old lady across the street. Unfortunately, he took her hand a little too roughly, and three hours later she couldn't use it to pick up her coffee cup after the doctor informed her that all of her the bones had been crushed. But at least he got her across the street. Good job there, shorty.
After stopping at several more stores, and capsulizing about fourteen Big Brown Shopping Bags, the former monk popped the cases into his pocket and walked on. Tucking his wallet into his pocket with the capsules, he made a mental note to leave Master Roshi another I.O.U. for this month's rent. Living on a private island in the middle of nowhere sure got expensive after a while. Passing by Capsule Corp. Drive, he doubled back, grabbed a coffee at the corner Starbucks, and headed towards Bulma's. 'Wow, Bulma will be so surprised to see me!' He thought happily. 'I think it's been a full two days since our last barbeque get-together.' Wow. A lot could have happened to Bulma in two days. She might have even gotten herself knocked up again.
Reaching the driveway of the large complex, he walked up to the door and knocked, waiting for someone to answer.
After a few minutes he knocked again, and stood back on the steps, waiting.
Another knock. More waiting.
One more time. Still no answer.
'Hmm, they must have gone out.' He thought, and walked back down the driveway, deciding to drop by Yamucha's old apartment and see if he was in. Meanwhile, Bulma took one last peek out of the window, made sure that Kuririn was turning the corner, and yelled out, 'Okay everyone! He's gone! Now back to work! I have to go sunbathe and those shipments better have gone out before I get back!' Ahh, dictating over some three hundred factory-workers sure does feel good, doesn't it?
Kuririn turned the corner and sneezed, spilling his coffee all over his pants, yet not feeling a thing. But he'll sure as hell smell later. Taking out a hanky, he thought someone must have been talking about him. Maybe his wife was telling some nice young man about him, just like yesterday when they were at the department store and she was talking to the fabulous-looking clerk at the desk. Or the day before when she'd been speaking to the gorgeous policeman outside of the Dunkin' Donuts. Oh well. He'd ask later.
Moving on once again, he stopped to throw his snot-filled hanky in the garbage, and paused as he felt something warm on his leg. Our tiny little man looked down and discovered that a cute, little poodle had chosen his leg as a urinal. He immediately froze, terrified as only a coward like him could be. Dogs sure were mean, and they were nasty too. Scared shitless, Kuririn remembered something his masters at the monastery had told him once: Wild animals like fresh meat, and if you play dead they're likely to leave you alone.
Dropping to the ground, and almost hitting the poor pup in the process, Kuririn gulped and tried to stop his shaking. Imagine, being confronted with a DOG of all things. It couldn't have been something like a nice stick, or a leaf that would piss on his leg. Nope it had to be a scary-ass dog. And it was a whole foot and a half tall too.
The poodle looked at him confusedly. It sniffed his arm, chest, and face, where the monk nearly had a stroke. The pup lifted his leg and finished it's business and trotted off, leaving our scared and shaking friend alone. After trembling in fright for another good hour before realizing the dog had left, Kuririn sat up in a cold puddle of pee. And not necessarily all from the poodle. He stood up and shook himself off, and remembering his plan to visit Yamucha, took off without thought to find somewhere to clean up the mess of urine and coffee, being cautious not to come across any more stray dogs. Or cats for that matter. If dogs were scary then cats were just plain evil.
Kuririn had just passed the Starbucks when a man wearing a long, purple trench coat, bright orange pants, and a blue and pink, unbuttoned flannel shirt ran by, picked him straight off the ground, slung him over his shoulder, and ran off into the setting sun, screeching 'Fish, and fish, the bed sheets are attacking and the dolphins have all run away!!' at a volume considered not humanly possible, until now.
Hey… that guy just stole my stooge. Hm… well, only future chapters may tell us the fate of our dear boy. First I have to track down that dude and get him back. Maybe I can get the dude too…
Until next time, may you offend your acquaintances with utter sarcasm and disdain.
***
*grins* I left off short. I decided half-way through to make it two chapters long, like Yamucha's. But since Yamucha's chapters were two completely different stories from each other, and Kuririn's will be a continuation... it might get confusing. Sorry about that. :P Now, the thanks.
S'ankyuu to those who reviewed:
SSJSkaterTrunks(*grins* Thanks! Heh, I'm not saying I hate him, but Yamucha DOES suck just a little bit! :P), sir-black(That was fun to write. Even more fun to visualize. ^^), HyperSaiyan(^-^ Yamucha is VERY easy to bash. He's not all bad, but it's just so fun! Hope you liked this one as well! And sorry, no other Yammy-chapter. But Kuririn might serve just as well!), Dragon Knight of Snow(^^ Thanks! Glad I made ya laugh. I like doing that! Hope you liked this chapter. And I hope you laughed too!), Sakura no Tenshii(*big grin* I'm so mean! But when you get the ideas, you have to put them down! Yamucha's such a schmoe, true. ^^ Did this live up to the other two? Here's hoping! Talk soon!), SaiyanPrincessZu(Hee, laughing's fun! And don't worry, I changed characters!), Chiruse(*gasp* Such language! ^^ Ahh, glad you liked. So, what do you think of Kuririn? *giggle*), and of course, Chrystaline(*snickers* You don't have to hate to appreciate! Master Roshi is one hell of a perv, but Yamucha's a player. :P Supposedly. And Bulma's just too easy to bash. Talk soon!)!
Thanks to everyone for reviewing. And not a single flame did chapter two recieve! That's an accomplishent, you know. :-P Beware friends! I have someone in mind to work on after Kuririn's has been finished. Meaning, there will be MORE!
Hope y'all enjoyed! If not, suck a lemon and laugh at the sour face you make in the mirror! Ta for now!
Sayonara Minna-San!
T-Sama~
BTW: I'm thinking of changing my pen-name to Ashatan. Whadaya think?