Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter, but real life got in the way, I had a conference to attend, but now I am back. I hope you enjoy.
Moving Towards the Light
Alex finished dressing the wounds on a little boy that he had got quite friendly with. "There you go, Carl, now, if you wear the knee and elbow pads that I know your mom bought with the skateboard I shouldn't see you so often, but maybe you should give it up until we get that cast off your wrist?"
"Don't you like to see me, Doctor Martin?" Carl looked up at Alex; the tracks of his tears still visible down his face.
"Honey, I'm sure that Doctor Martin has plenty of proper patients to go see, not seven year olds who keep skinning their knees, and worse." Carl's mum, who was holding a helmet in her hands looked fondly at her little boy.
"You can come visit me anytime, but I would rather see you uninjured, ok?" Alex looked over at Carl's mom. "There is nothing broken, this time. But I really would keep him off that thing until he's healed." Alex pointed at the brightly coloured skateboard, which was resting against the leg of the gurney. "I guess you know that too now don't you?"
"Yes, Sir." The boy got cautiously down from the gurney and grabbed his mom's hand.
"Thank you, Doctor, I hope it is more than three days before we are back here again."
With that the two of them left the trauma suite, and Alex followed them out, a smile on his face. He checked his watch, it was a while since he had seen Rae, and as the ER was quiet he decided to go and pay her a visit. He was very worried about how she was going to cope with all that had happened to her and Jesse. He had spoken to Brian Dobson and arranged for him to come and see her in the morning, but now he just wanted to see if she had gotten any sleep.
His thoughts took him into the elevator, and he processed some ideas as he was lifted to Rae's floor. As the doors opened he was shaken from his feelings by the sound of a gun being fired. As he rushed past the nurse's station he barked out instructions, "Get security up here STAT, room 2998." He knew with absolute certainty that the gunshot had come from Rae and Jesse's room, his heart was beating almost out of his body as he hurried down the hallway, coming to a halt as he took in the scene before him. Jesse was still lying just as he had left him, Rae's bed was empty, and directly in front of him he could see a woman in priests robes with Steve sprawled over her. This passed by him in a split second, but what stayed with him was the bloodstain spreading across the back of Steve's shirt, and the fact that he couldn't see Rae.
As he took one step into the room the door was pushed hard into him and the handle caught him knocking the air out of his lungs. Alex fell to the floor, completely disoriented.
Mark was just buttoning up his shirt after his shower when he heard security being called to where Jesse and Rae were. Rushing from the men's locker room he headed straight for the elevator.
There were two security guards and a very shaken policewoman heading towards the room as Mark arrived on the scene. Another man put a hand on Mark's shoulder as he tried to move further down the hallway. "I'm sorry, Sir, this hallway is off limits right now."
"I have a patient in that room, as well as a very good friend. I am going, you may come with me, or you can stay here and watch." Mark shrugged the hand off him and carried on walking. As he got closer he could see somebody gradually getting to his feet.
"Alex?"
"Mark…Steve…Rae." Alex could not get his breath. But he knew that he had to get somebody to see Steve.
Mark moved into the doorway and saw his son being moved away from the unconscious body of a priest. "Steve. My, God what happened?" Mark turned towards the nurse's station. "Get a gurney in here STAT."
As Mark was finally able to get into the room his eye was caught by a movement behind the door. He turned and was horrified to see Rae, as far behind the door as she could possibly get, she was shaking and had her hands up covering her face. "Alex!" Marks voice was insistent, he needed him now.
The young doctor was just beginning to catch his breath, he heard Mark call his name and he staggered slightly and went into the room. He saw the elder doctor indicate behind the door and, holding on to the frame for support, Alex looked down to see why Mark had called him so urgently. He got down on the floor and sitting next to Rae, Alex began to speak very quietly but he hoped, with some authority.
"Rae, Honey, it's Alex. Can you hear me?" There was no response. It seemed to him that she wasn't even aware that he was there. He slowly put his hand on her shoulder. "Rae, look at me." Still Rae didn't respond to him. He stood up and then crouched down. Placing his arm round her back he lifted her to her feet and guided her back to the bed. She got quietly in and let herself be covered up. He moved her hands from her face and then Alex sat on the side of the bed and looked at her. She was lying just as he had put her. He had a feeling that if he took her arms and moved them they would stay that way until he moved them again. He shook his head. Whatever had happened in this room had resulted in them losing her again, and this time getting her back would be even harder than before.
Mark watched as his son was gently lifted onto the gurney and steered out of the room towards the OR. The female priest was lying unconscious on the floor, and it was apparent that as Steve fell against her she had hit her head, hard. Officer Neville handed her cuffs over to one of the security guards and then sat down on the chair just outside the room.
"Hold on, Rae, I'll be back in a moment." Alex moved outside and crouched down beside the officer. "I think that you should go down to the ER to be checked. I'll get security to post a guard here, and a nurse to take you down." He stood up again and beckoned one over from the reception desk. "Could you get a wheelchair and take Officer Neville down to be checked over?"
"Yes, Doctor."
Alex returned to Rae's room, but before he moved over to her once again, he checked on Jesse. He didn't appear to have been disturbed at all by what had happened, and was lying just as he had been when Alex had been talking to Rae a couple of hours before. With a sigh of disappointment Alex turned back towards Rae. She hadn't moved either, and with a heavy heart he began to check her vital signs and those of her baby.
"Rae? Can you hear me, Rae?" Alex was very concerned about his patient. He could see that she was awake, but she wasn't responding to him. He put his hand on the side of her face and gently turned her towards him.
"Rae, look at me."
Slowly Rae's face registered the fact that someone was talking to her, but still she said nothing, and sat in the bed completely unresponsive to his ministrations, as Alex began to check her over. As he ran his hands over her shoulders to make sure that she hadn't damaged them a finger brushed her neck.
"NO! Don't touch me!" Suddenly Rae was all action. She pushed out with both hands, catching Alex unawares and knocking him over once again. She clambered out of bed and rushed towards the door. Alex pulled himself to his feet and after pressing the buzzer he headed after her.
Rae looked wildly round, she didn't know where to go, but she knew that she had to get away. She saw the elevator doors open ahead of her, and ran towards it.
Amanda came quietly onto Rae's floor only to see her friend coming towards her. "Rae? Rae. Stop." Amanda quickly placed herself directly in front of Rae, hoping that she would stop before she got to her.
Rae just saw a figure in front of her, and tried to dart round it. She managed to avoid the hands stretching out towards her; she knew that they would just try to take her back. She saw the doors begin to close and tried to get there first, but they slid silently shut leaving her just in front of them. She sank to the ground, and bringing her knees up to protect her child and her arms over her head so nobody could kick her face she waited for the attack she knew would come.
Amanda saw Alex coming down the hallway after Rae and waited for him before she approached her friend. What they saw made them both stop in their tracks, and then slowly, speaking quietly all the time Amanda moved closer to her friend.
"Rae, it's Amanda, can you hear me?" She placed a hand on Rae's shoulder but quickly moved it when she felt her jump.
"Don't touch her neck, whatever you do." Alex spoke into Amanda's ear. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He knew about Rae's fears and reactions when anything came near her throat, and he had gone and touched her there when she was at her most vulnerable.
Amanda knelt down and began to speak again. "Rae, we need to get you back into bed."
"No, Husband, please." Rae's voice was only just discernable, but they both knew what she had said.
"He's gone, Rae, you are at Community General Hospital. There is just Alex and me, and we aren't going to hurt you, we just want to help you."
Very, very slowly Rae moved one of her hands and looked up into the eyes of her friend. "Amanda?"
She held her hand out and Rae took it. She allowed herself to be raised to her feet and then after looking very closely at Alex she let him take her other hand, and together they walked her back to her room.
A nurse had hurried up towards them in response to the buzzer Alex had pressed, but now he sent her back. They hadn't had to leave Jesse unattended and they were heading back into their room.
Rae climbed back into bed without another word and she lay back and waited. Then finally, as if she was waiting for a knife to fall on her she looked round. "Please, Husband, don't tie me up tonight, let me sleep."
"Rae, Honey, it's Alex. Nobody is gonna tie you up ever again. But I do need to check to see if your baby is all right. Will you let me do that?"
"My baby. No. Don't tell him, he'll kill it." The words were urgent, and spoken quickly, but there was no expression in them.
"Nobody is going to hurt your baby, Rae, but we have to just check to see how it is. Will you let Alex do that?" Amanda moved a little closer as she spoke and gently and carefully touched her hand. Once again Rae looked up at her, and this time she nodded.
Alex got his stethoscope out and began to examine her. Rae lay there and didn't move for the whole time he worked. He tried not to take any notice of the cuts and bruises covering her body, but they effected him every time he saw them. She had been systematically beaten, and he knew that her behaviour now was just the beginning of a difficult time for all of them.
"Ok, Rae, that's fine, I am just going to listen to your baby now." Alex listened again, and breathed a sigh of relief as it became apparent that the baby was quite happy just where he or she was.
Rae was just laying there, her eyes expressionless, as Amanda neatened up her nightwear, and made the bed round her then she sat down in the seat and watched her intently. She placed her hand over her friends and hoped for a reaction. There was none.
"I can sit with her for a while, Alex, but what happened?" Amanda looked confused.
"Let's just stand outside the door for a minute. We'll still be able to see both Rae and Jesse." They moved out towards the hallway, and Alex turned to the guard on duty. "Could you give us a minute please?" The guard just nodded his head and moved back out of earshot, but not out of sight. "Ok, from what I can gather, Levington's mother got into the hospital. She was the priest who married Rae and her son. She got up to Rae and Jesse's room, and she had a gun. The police guard was attacked, and somehow, I have no idea how, Steve knew there was trouble up here and he came in behind her. She shot him, but he fell on her knocking her out, and somebody, I think it was Rae slammed the door into me, and then the security guards arrived and Mark. That is what happened."
Amanda's face had been looking more horrified the longer Alex had been talking. "What happened to Steve?" They walked back into the room as they spoke.
"He's in the OR. I'll go down and find out how it's going in a minute. But it looked to me as if the bullet went straight through him." Alex looked round as he spoke and turning his face upwards saw a bullet hole in the wall. "I think I had better get onto Cheryl first." He had no need to do anything further; as he finished speaking he could see the detective outside in the hallway. She moved over and tapped gently on the door.
"Alex, can I come in?" Cheryl couldn't ever remember having to ask to enter a crime scene in this way, but first and foremost this was a hospital suite, and she knew that both Rae and Jesse were suffering from medical and emotional problems right now, and needed the special care they were receiving in this room. She also knew that there was no way that Jesse could be moved even if she had wanted him to be.
"Yeah, I was just gonna call you. I think you probably need that." Alex pointed up to the mark in the wall, and was relieved when he saw Cheryl smile.
"Oh, yes, that is just what I wanted. Thank you, Alex." Cheryl pulled a chair over and getting her pocketknife out began to gently dig the bullet out, and into a plastic bag. Once she had achieved her objective, she jumped to the floor and her eyes scanned the room. She hadn't seen Jesse since the day after he had tried to commit suicide, and she was saddened to see that there didn't appear to be any change in his condition. She turned to her friend lying in the other bed. Rae looked as if she was awake so she moved over to her.
"Hey, Rae, how are you?" Cheryl looked round at the two doctors standing next to her. "She doesn't respond, but her eyes are open."
Alex smiled a sad smile. "I know. She's suffering at the moment. I think that it's Acute Stress Disorder, but it maybe worse than that, it will depend on how long it lasts."
Rae could hear voices, but she just didn't want to join in with the conversation. She wasn't sure what had happened to her, but she knew that it was bad, and that if she thought too much it would come back and scare her. She would just wait here for Jesse, when he came everything would be fine again.
There had been an awareness of muffled noises for a while, but they seemed to have no shape or form. Sometimes they had been very close and accompanied by pressure, or by the sensations of touch, other times they had been far away and were just impressions to be heard before they disappeared. Then everything had gotten very loud, urgent and frightening, and the reaction had been to retreat back into the darkness that had been a constant companion for so long.
Mark walked wearily into recovery. Doctor Collins turned and smiled at him. "You have a very lucky son, Doctor Sloan."
"Mark, please."
"Wil."
"He was shot, again, how does that make him lucky?" Mark looked at the doctor with an expression of exasperation.
"The bullet missed everything that it was supposed to miss, it went from front to back without touching anything. He will be up and about in no time. Sore, but whole again. He is about to be moved to a room if you would like to go up with him."
"Thank you, Wil. Do you think he could be put as close as possible to Rae and Jesse?"
"Mark, how is Rae? I know she is back in here again, but not being her doctor any more I don't know how she is doing."
Mark had forgotten for a moment that it had been Wil Collins who had been her doctor when Levington had attacked her the last time. "She was doing ok, before this happened, I don't know how she is right at this moment."
"And Jesse?"
"No change, I'm afraid." Mark's face grew grave.
"I might go past their room later, if Doctor Martin won't mind."
"Of course he won't. He isn't gonna bite your head off, he's a great guy."
"Yeah. Anyway I'll give you Steve's room number." Wil moved over and checked the information on the computer screen just inside the door. He found Rae and Jesse's number and allocated Steve the room just across the hallway. "Ok, Rae and Jesse are in 2998 and Steve is in 2997."
"Thanks, Wil. That will make visiting a little easier."
Now was a quiet and peaceful time once again. There was no touch, no sound, just the knowledge that there were others around somewhere close but not close enough. The light that had been an enemy for an indeterminate period of time now became an ally and something to be aimed for. Muscles began to work, and, as an awareness of there being more to existence that what had been experienced became certain knowledge, there was an overwhelming desire to see what was happening.
Jo had only been at home for just over an hour when the phone rang. She heard Michael take the call, and then he knocked and without waiting came into her bedroom.
"Michael, who was that?" She knew something was wrong because he had walked straight in. She looked at him and felt her heart begin to pound. "Michael, who was that?"
Her friend and manservant had a worried expression. "That was Doctor Sloan, Madam, the Lieutenant was shot a little while ago, and he wondered whether you would go back over to sit with him. I can drive you."
Jo was too worried to ask Michael to leave, so she grabbed a clean pair of jeans from her closet and pulled them on, then picking up a pink sweater from the end of her bed, she slipped it over her head and turned. "Ok, I am ready, let's go."
The journey to the hospital was a silent, tense affair. Jo wasn't sure if she could handle much more of this pressure. Now Steve was back in the hospital again, and Rae and Jesse were there too. She ran her fingers through her long hair, thinking about her friends, and her lover as she did so.
Mark was sitting with Steve as Jo rushed in through the door. "Mark, Mark, how is he?"
"Shhh, Honey, he's fine. He is beginning to come out of the anaesthetic, but he is gonna be real sore, and it will take time to heal, but there was no major damage done."
"You're sure, Mark, about no damage being done?"
"I wouldn't tell you something that wasn't true, he will be fine. In fact his hands are gonna take longer to heal than his shoulder."
Jo relaxed then and raised her eyes to the heavens. "Oh, great. So I get another month or more with Mr. Grouchy Gloves, an' he has a sore shoulder as well?" Mark burst out laughing, but Jo just continued talking. "I should have stayed in Texas."
"No, you have to stay here." The voice was very sleepy and heavy, but there was no mistaking it.
Mark and Jo both turned towards the figure in the bed and smiled at him. Steve gave a lopsided smile back and then his eyes shut and he went back to sleep.
It was a very strange sensation. Being unable to do anything, but aware of the others and knowing that they were living at a different level. The brain had begun to send messages to muscles that hadn't been used for a while, first of all nothing happened. The brain tried again, and tiny movements began to occur
Beatrice Levington had been checked over in the OR and released into the custody of Cheryl. She had taken her back to the precinct and now they were facing each other over the interrogation table. Theodora Murray was there once again, and Cheryl had read the woman her rights, Martin had started the taping equipment, and the interview was about to begin.
"Could you please give me your name for the record?" Cheryl looked at the woman in front of her. She had no idea why she had done as she had except that she was as much of a kook as her son. Well, in a minute you will find out won't you. Just be patient.
"My name is the Reverend Beatrice Evelynne Levington, but my friends call me Bel."
"Ok. And do you understand the charges which have been made against you?"
"No, Ma'am, I was just doing the Lord's work."
Oh, for goodness sake! Give me strength. Cheryl had a feeling that this interview was going to be extremely taxing. "You have been charged with attempted murder and grievous bodily harm. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, I do."
"Mrs Levington …"
"Please call me Reverend."
Cheryl took a deep breath; counted to ten, what is it with this family? and tried again. "Reverend Levington, why did you shoot Lieutenant Sloan at Community General today?"
"I didn't mean to. It was an accident." The woman didn't look remorseful, but maybe she was.
"How do you mean it was an accident?"
"I meant to shoot that tramp instead, but he came in just at the wrong moment, and she got away."
"Who did you mean to shoot, Ma'am?"
"What was her name?" Cheryl knew that the woman in front of her knew exactly who she was talking about. "Oh, yes. Reagan. I meant to shoot Reagan."
"I don't think you should say anything more, Mrs… Reverend Levington." Ms Murray was on her feet as she spoke.
Beatrice looked at her. "Oh, ok." She turned back to Cheryl. "I don't want to say anything else."
Cheryl completed the interrogation and watched as Levington's mother was escorted back to the cells.
Martin, who hadn't uttered a word the whole time they had been in the room, shook his head. "Well, if we ever wondered where he got it from now we know. It was definitely in the genes. That woman is a complete nutcase."
"Never, underestimate the power of a mother's love for her child." Cheryl picked up all her things from the table and then they both walked back up to the squad room.
Slowly and without fear the actions began to expand. What had been tiny movements not noticeable by anyone now became a little stronger, a little braver, a little more ready to return to the real world. But maybe not yet, maybe this would remain a secret for a while longer.
Alex had sat with Amanda and Rae for just over thirty minutes. He was very concerned about her, and although he was certain of his diagnosis he felt that he needed to observe her closely for a while. In the end though, it became apparent that she wasn't going to respond to either of them, and he knew he really needed to go and see Steve. He stood up, stretched and then turned to the two women in front of him.
"I am gonna go check on Steve, who is just across the hallway." Mark had put his head round the door on his way up to Steve's room, and they had been relieved to know that he wasn't seriously hurt. "Then I guess I had better go and check on the rest of the hospital, you know I am sure I had some other patients somewhere around!"
The noises in the background began to come closer. Sounds, voices, names, all were understandable for the first time. It was a struggle to move towards the light, but now it was the right thing to do, that was where the journey was supposed to end. Once again thoughts were processed and this time, as they became clear so did the reason for this struggle back to the waking world. The movements became firm and strong, and banishing the fear back to the darkness, where it belonged, eyes opened and the world came back into view.
He moved across the room, glancing at Jesse as he did so. As he got to the door he realised that he hadn't actually taken in what he had seen and turned back towards his friend. Jesse's eyes were open!
"Jesse, Buddy, can you hear me?"
Amanda shot out of her chair and moved across the room. She stood just behind Alex and watched as he took Jesse's hand in his. "Amanda, could you go get Mark? Jo is with Steve, so I am sure he will come."
"Jesse, it's Alex."
Jesse slowly blinked his eyes. They felt very dry, as did his mouth. He tried to lick his lips but he couldn't. Something was in his way, and every part of him hurt. He shut his eyes again. When he had been in his misty world nothing had mattered, nothing had hurt, nobody had asked him questions. For a moment he wished himself back there, but he knew that this was where he really belonged, and so he forced his eyes open once again, and grasped the hand that was holding his.
Mark came rushing into the room, his eyes already filled with tears. He looked down at the man that he considered a second son, and saw him looking back up at him. "Jess? Do you know who I am?"
Jesse tried to nod his head. It didn't want to move, and fear flickered across his face.
"Jesse, don't try to move, you have to stay completely still, remember? You have a neck and back brace on which is restricting your movements, plus you are on a ventilator. Mark gently brushed the hair back from Jesse's brow as he spoke.
Jesse just looked up; he was having trouble understanding everything that was happening to him, and why he was lying here. Then slowly one thought came into his mind. Rae. His face must have registered his thought because Alex leant over so that he could make eye contact with him.
"Shhh, it's all right. I know you can't see her, but she is in the bed just across from you. It will take some time, but she will be all right." This time it was Alex who tried to reassure him.
Jesse shut his eyes. He really couldn't take any more in. His thoughts began to swim and he tried to get back to where he had been before. But he knew that this was where his life was now, he could sleep but he would be here now, with Rae forever.
The three doctors watched as Jesse closed his eyes and his body relaxed back into sleep. This time though there was a difference, his mind and his body were one again, and in the same way that Jesse had himself felt when Rae came round from her coma, they all got reassurance from the fact that if they needed to they could wake him up again right now.
Alex moved back over to where Rae was lying hoping against hope that the sound of Jesse's name, and the fact that Amanda and he had been talking to him would have registered with her, but it was immediately apparent that it hadn't. "Rae, it's Alex, can you hear me? Rae, Jesse is awake. He'll be all right." This time there was no reaction; Rae just lay there lost in whatever nightmare was keeping her from them. Suddenly Alex didn't want to go see Steve, or Jo or anybody else, he just wanted to sit here and keep his hand over hers and try to draw her back to them.