It was four days before Mark decided that Jesse was strong enough to be prepped for his operation. He had spent most of the time asleep, because Mark had kept him sedated, knowing that if he was actually able to communicate with people he would move, however slightly and that could be disastrous.
Mark and Alex had told him some of what had happened to Rae, and whenever they woke him for meals or neurological testing they would let him know that she was in the room, and that the baby was fine. She wouldn't come over to see him, and so they said that she was having a few problems coping, but that once the operation had taken place he would be able to be moved next to her so he could at least feel her hand against his own.
Rae hadn't said anything since she had begged Alex and Amanda not to let 'him' know about her baby. She had had someone with her at all times day and night, and she had either been fast asleep or just lying there eyes open ever since. She drank if a drink was put in front of her, and picked at food at mealtimes but she did nothing else.
The baby seemed quite happy where it was, but Alex was worried about it not getting enough nutrients and had begun to make sure that Rae was drinking fortified liquids, and meal replacement shakes as well as whatever food she managed to eat in an effort to keep everything as normal as possible for the child until Rae began to show an interest in life again.
Brian Dobson had been up every day to see Rae, and had sat talking to her, trying to get some of the feelings to the surface so that they could be dealt with. He hadn't been hopeful of any success and so far there had been no improvement at all.
Steve had made a very good recovery from the surgery and was about to make his first trip across the hallway. He had been kept in bed because Wil Collins hadn't wanted him to move his arm at all to start with. He had explained how lucky he had been, and that he didn't want him to strain any of the muscles by moving too soon. Although it had been grudging, Steve had seen the logic behind what he was saying and so he had stayed put, but now, at last, he had been told that if he kept his shoulder still he could go and see his friends.
Jesse was lying looking up at the ceiling. He had been awake for a while. He knew that he was due to go for his operation in about five minutes and for the first time since he had woken up he was aware of strong identifiable feelings within himself. He was scared.
Steve let Jo push him right up beside Jesse's bedside, he stood up and put one of his large clumsy hands over that of his best friend. "Hey, it's good to have you back."
"Thanks." Jesse couldn't continue. "When he spoke he needed to look at the person, and this was Steve, he knew he just couldn't say anything else, and every time he swallowed he could still feel that awful tube.
The room was silent for several moments before Steve realised that Jesse wasn't going to say anything more, maybe it hurt him to talk. "I guess you don't feel like talking right now, but that doesn't matter. Once you get back from the OR we can talk all you want. But now, you just let the doctors do their stuff, and I'll see you soon… Jess?" Steve was tall enough; now he was standing that Jesse could see him easily. Tears had formed in his eyes, and they began to roll down his face, Steve's heart ached because he couldn't reach over and brush them away for him.
The door opened again and two orderlies came into the room. Steve turned. "Just give us a minute, guys, ok?"
"Yes, Sir." Both men recognised the tall detective, and so they moved back out into the hallway.
"Jess, I know you're scared, I would be too, but soon you'll be back up here, where your family is waiting for you. Rae and the baby and me. Whatever happens, Jesse, we will all be here for you. You know that don't you?"
Jesse just closed his eyes, and two more tears slid down his face. "Yeah."
This time Steve had to do it. He moved a large plaster covered hand and caught a tear with one of the immobile fingers, and then his hand reached out and took the other one too. He looked over towards Jo and without a word she understood what he wanted her to do. She moved towards Rae and began to speak.
"Rae, it's Texas. Jesse has to go for his operation now, an' he is real scared. Do you want to go an' see him before he goes down?" They had asked her every day if she wanted to move across the room and there had been no positive response, in fact some times she had visibly shrunk back inside herself as if she was afraid to see him, but this time the reaction was immediate.
Rae turned her head towards her friend and nodded just the once. Jo took her hand and helped her out of the bed. She walked painfully across the room, every step reminding her of what that man had done to her, and looked down at the face that she loved so much and a small smile appeared. "I love you, Jesse." The words were quiet but strong and then she leant over him and kissed him gently on the cheek.
Steve turned towards Jo again as he began to speak, his voice choked with emotion. "Honey, they can come back in now." Steve remained standing with his uninjured arm around Rae, so they were still visible to his friend as the bed was wheeled out.
Steve moved Rae back towards her own bed and helped her into it. He sat in the chair and looked into her eyes. They were dull and down turned. "Rae, Honey, will you look at me, please?" There was a very small response as she just slightly nodded her head and then turned to look at him. Steve smiled. "I'm gonna stay here with you while Jesse is in the OR. Jo is gonna go and keep Alex and Amanda company, so it will be just you and me. Think you can handle that?" This time there was no response and Steve sighed and shifted position a little. "When you are ready to talk, I will be right here. Until then, we will just sit together, nothing needs to be said or done, you know that."
The room had been quiet for just over a half an hour when Rae realised that she needed to talk, had needed to talk all along, but had been waiting for Steve. She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears as she did so, and found that after all her days of silence now she just couldn't get the words out.
Steve was acutely aware of every one of Rae's movements. He knew just from watching her over the last thirty minutes that she was in pain for most of the time, and he had seen for himself that walking was agony for her.
Rae remembered how it had been Steve who had been there for her last time, when she'd had to get away from Brian, because she had things she had to tell a friend before she could speak to anybody else, and using the same words again she turned to her friend and partner. "Oh, God, Steve, help me." And finally the tears began to flow, but this time they were for her, and ignoring his own pain Steve opened his arms and felt her as she collapsed onto his chest.
As she lay in his arms Rae felt some of her burden lift. Steve wouldn't expect her to explain her feelings, he would wait for her to speak and then he would help her the best he could. She didn't know if she could tell him everything, but she did know that she would try.
Mark waited in the OR for Jesse to be wheeled in. He looked up and could see Amanda and Alex in the observation area, they both looked extremely worried, and he had to admit he was too. He turned as he heard a voice behind him and Wil Collins was standing there.
"He's just coming through. Mark, are you ok with this? I know he is a real close friend."
"Yeah, I have to be the one to do this for him." Mark managed to repress the shudder that threatened him. Soon they would find out if Jesse had done any permanent damage to his spine. The tests they had run on him since he had regained consciousness had been limited, and although some of them had been encouraging, an equal amount hadn't been as good. Now they would find out just how much damage had been done. The gurney was wheeled in and Mark was relieved to see that Jesse was already lying face down. He knew that if he had been in the room when they turned him he would have wanted to help, and he also knew that he wouldn't have been able to.
Taking a deep breath, Mark began to speak. "Ok, people let's begin. We have a bullet lodged in the patient's back between his left clavicle and his spinal column. This bullet has been in position for ten days. The reason for the hold-up was initially the amount of swelling around the bullet and its close location to the spinal cord. However, other medical complications followed which have resulted in a further delay. Now we need to get this out so that we can assess the damage and begin the recovery process." Mark put his hand out for the scalpel and his hand moved over the bare skin around an angry wound on Jesse's back.
Alex looked over at Amanda in the observation room and his hand found hers. She gave it a squeeze, but he wasn't sure if it was to reassure him or herself. "He will be fine, won't he?" His voice was quiet and a little shaky.
"Yes, he has to be, Alex, he just has to be." Amanda's eyes hadn't left the view below her as she spoke. She was so glad that it was Mark who was doing the operation. She knew that Jesse's chances of a normal life were increased greatly just by the man being in the room, and the fact that he was undertaking the surgery himself made her feel, for the first time in a long time, optimistic for Jesse's future.
The door opened and they both turned slightly as Jo came in the room. "Alex, Steve is with Rae, but I thought you should know that she spoke to Jesse before he came down here." Jo was rewarded for her news by two big smiles.
"Thanks, Jo. Maybe I should go and see her."
Jo put her hand on his arm. "Let her spend some time with Steve. I don't know why but I get the feelin' that she has been waitin' for him."
They turned back towards the windows, and could see Mark was working on Jesse, but also that he was deep in conversation with Doctor Collins.
"Mark, I haven't had time to get up to see Rae, how is she?"
"Physically she had been very badly treated, he had obviously been beating her, probably with a belt, as well as his fists. Maybe other things too. She had some marks on her hips and thighs that neither Alex nor I can identify with certainty, but I would hazard a guess that she was pushed into a solid object like a door, or doorframe."
"Can't she tell you herself?"
"No, she has almost completely shut down, mentally. I know Alex is very concerned about her, and so am I. I think a lot more happened than we know about yet, and we may never know it all, but she needs to talk, otherwise, I fear for her sanity."
"And he did this to Jesse didn't he?" Wil looked shocked. He knew and liked the female detective, and had been sad to lose her as a patient, but she had come to see him specially to explain to him why she wanted to register with Alex Martin, he had been flattered that she had taken the time to do that and he had remained friends with her.
"Yeah. You know, nobody told them that the guy was even free; otherwise they would have taken all sorts of precautions. He took Rae and left Jesse for dead. The only way we could find her was to make him think that he actually succeeded in his plan to kill him." Mark was working continually as he talked. He was amazed that speaking about such a stressful time wasn't effecting his ability to concentrate, but it seemed to be helping him, he hadn't had the luxury of being able to talk this through with anyone until now, and he knew he needed to.
"But Rae was like the rest of us. She wouldn't have known it was fake would she?" Wil caught on to the problems straight away.
"No, she didn't, and she is gonna suffer because of that, but we weighed it up and knew that we had to go with this plan because it was the only one we had, and we needed to get her back for obvious reasons, but maybe more than you actually know."
"I know what I have heard around the hospital, I don't spread gossip, Mark, but I would like to know what is true and what isn't. And you have to know, Rae and Jesse are the main topic of conversation round here right now."
"Ok, give me a minute." Mark was very close to the bullet now, and it needed his full concentration. For a short while the room was totally silent except for the beeping of the machines and ticking of the clock on the wall, then there was the unmistakable noise of the bullet being dropped into a metal bowl and the whole room seemed to breath a sigh of relief.
"What have you heard, Wil?"
"That she is pregnant, with Jesse's child." He looked down at the man on the table as he spoke.
"Yeah, that's true." Mark smiled to himself. If everything went ok they would have the chance to be the family they deserved to be.
"I also heard that she has something wrong with her throat, and Bevington used it to keep her."
"She was strangled a year or so ago and can't bear to be touched round the neck. Somehow he got that information, which was only known to Jesse, Steve, Alex and her psychiatrist, Brian Dobson, and he used it against her. Oh, and it isn't Bevington, it's Levington, Phil Levington."
The conversation was ended abruptly as a loud crash reverberated around the OR.
The young nurse at the end of the gurney bent down and picked up the tools that had fallen to the floor as she had knocked the tray over. Wil Collins looked over at her. "Nurse Willis, do you have a problem?"
"No, Doctor, sorry, Doctor, please may I be excused?" The nurse looked as if she was about to pass out and without waiting to hear the answer to her question she rushed from the OR and out into the hallway.
The nurse who had been dealing with removing the swabs and used instruments had stopped her work immediately and now moved over with a new tray.
"Thank you, nurse." Mark smiled kindly as he watched her put it within his reach.
Amanda stood up and looked down at Mark. He seemed to realise that she was staring at him and he turned. She gestured towards the hallway behind her and shrugged and he nodded. Amanda turned and left the room, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. Knowing that she would have headed towards the locker room herself Amanda made her way there. She swung the door open and entered, but there was no noise coming from inside and she could tell instantly that the room was empty.
Not knowing where else to try, and needing to be in the OR for her own satisfaction, Amanda headed back. She would find the nurse later.
Louise Willis had headed straight for the roof as she left the OR. She often went up there when she needed some peace and quiet, but she had never needed it as much as now. Once she was in her own special place leaning up against one of the heating outlets the tears began to fall. How could she have been so stupid?
She thought back to when Phil had been in the hospital before. He had been so nice to her and she had been happy to help him. Then the detective, the one whose father had been operating today had come and seen her, and had been furious with her. At first she couldn't understand what she had done wrong, but slowly she had heard what he had done to Doctor Travis and to the English cop. She had never liked Doctor Travis, he was too cocky and thought he was just so wonderful, and that English lady, she had been in and out of the hospital almost every day, like she owned the place.
Louise smiled as she remembered the flowers that had arrived for her a week after Lieutenant Sloan had blasted her out. He was another one. They had this little club and nobody could enter unless you were granted permission. She had seen that Alex Martin was friends with them; she thought he was just gorgeous, but she knew he wouldn't ever look at her, not now he was with them.
The flowers had graced her apartment for a week after they arrived. Beautiful gladioli and lilies that had looked so wonderfully tall and graceful in their vase. She had sent the letter two days later. It hadn't been hard to find out where to write to him, and once she had sent one letter they had begun to correspond regularly.
He hadn't mentioned the lady police officer for a while, and then in one letter he had wanted her to visit with him. He had said that she should say that she was a relative, that way she would be allowed in. She'd had a lovely time, the glass screen hadn't mattered, and by the time she came away she knew that he had been badly treated.
She had visited twice a week after that, and they had talked about all sorts of things. He had such a nice voice, and his eyes were kind. Then a short while ago, something wonderful had happened. He had visited her, at her apartment. She'd had no idea he was up for parole, but he told her that he had kept it secret to surprise her.
Louise blushed, as she remembered what they had done. At the time it had been so beautiful, so romantic, but now, just for a moment she wondered if maybe he had been using her. Her hand went up to her face as she remembered how he had struck her. After he had made love to her he had begun to talk about Rae, and how worried he was for her. Apparently just before he left jail he had heard a rumour that she was having severe psychological problems because of something that had happened long ago. He had wondered whether Louise could find out for him what they were.
First of all she had said no. She couldn't go through files, she would lose her job. But he had hit her and gradually she felt herself weaken. He explained that he had gained so much through the counselling he had received in jail, and that maybe he could pass some information on through Louise to help her. So, in all innocence, she had gone to the offices of each counsellor in turn until she found Detective Yeager's file. Louise shook her head. It hadn't been in all innocence, and she hadn't thought him kind to want to help that woman. She was jealous. Jealous that somebody who looked so like her had everything she wanted while she was living in a one room studio apartment, with no boyfriend, no friends, no nothing.
The file had been very interesting, and very thick. That woman sure had problems. She had found the part about her throat very quickly, and she had photocopied it and sent it to the address he had given her. She hadn't heard from him again, but he was in jail again now, and she knew that he would need her again, soon.
The tears began to flow more strongly as she realised just how much damage she had done. She knew that doctor could be paralysed for life, and according to Doctor Sloan, his girlfriend would need her counsellor a lot in the future. But she was far more concerned about herself. She could go to jail for what she had done.
Slowly she got to her feet and moved over towards the stairway. Part of her just wanted to run towards the edge of the building and not stop, but she knew that wouldn't solve anybody's problems but her own. It may come to that in the end, but right now she had to find some way of starting some damage limitation. She liked being a nurse, and she had no intention of letting one little mistake harm her.
Rae had cried until she had no tears left. Then she had just stayed where she was, gaining comfort and strength from her partner's arms and his presence in her life right now. Slowly she looked up and knew that she had to talk to him, had to say what she had been keeping in ever since that man's mother had tried to kill her. Because if she stayed silent now, she wasn't sure if she would ever speak again. She also knew that she had to tell him the worst first. That way it would get easier to carry on.
She took a deep breath, and began to talk. "He raped me, Steve, he tied me to a bed and he raped me. I don't know how many times. Sometimes I was awake when he tied me up, other times I would wake up and find myself there."
Steve went to speak but Rae placed her hand on his arm. "I have to say this, can you talk at the end?" Steve just nodded and she carried on. "When he came to the apartment, I was asleep. I didn't have a chance to fight back. I was so worried for my baby, and for Jesse. But nobody told us he was free, why didn't we know, Steve? After last time, they should have told us." Rae began to shake as she talked and Steve began to get concerned.
"Rae, Honey, it's ok. Lean into me, just for a minute." It must have helped because the shaking came under control very quickly. "I don't know why no one let you know he was out. I didn't know either, until Jesse said his name when we found him."
"Steve, I'm married to him." She looked down, and for the first time noticed that the ring wasn't there. She smiled at him. "It's gone."
"I know, I had Alex cut it off while you were unconscious."
"Thank you. His mother married us, and I saw the certificate, it looked legal to me, but I will be able to get a divorce won't I? I want to be married to Jesse, before the baby is born. Steve, that will happen won't it?"
"I have no idea what the legal standing is about this, but I would think you could just get it annulled. You weren't willingly marrying him, and I don't think anyone would ever believe him if he said you had done so."
Rae smiled and then it disappeared. "He hit me, Steve, he humiliated me, and… and … he enjoyed it. How could he do that? He would hit me so hard that I would fall over and then tell me he loved me. I don't understand how he could be like that." This time the shaking was more pronounced and Steve knew that he needed help. He placed his hand over the buzzer and waited. A nurse was soon at the door.
"Get Doctor Martin up here, nurse, now please." Steve looked back down at her. "Shhh, Honey, it's all right. Don't say any more. I'm sure Alex will give you something to help you sleep." It was obviously not the right thing to say, because Rae became more agitated.
"No! No, Steve, don't let him, please. I've had so much in my body since I got pregnant, I can't have any more."
"Ok. Take some deep breaths then, slowly, in and out, just like Dad showed you before."
By the time Alex had arrived in Rae's room she had begun to calm down. He moved over to her and taking her wrist in his hand began to take her pulse.
"Steve, what happened?"
"She's been telling me some of the things that happened to her, but it's a big step for her, and well, it took its toll in the end."
"Rae, I can give you something to make you sleep, but…" Alex stopped talking as he saw Rae begin to react to his words. "BUT." This time it was Rae who stopped. "But, I would rather not." He paused. "I have an idea. I will be right back." With that he left the room, and Rae and Steve were left to stare at the empty doorway.
Mark finished closing up Jesse's wound and then watched as he was wheeled away. He felt all his strength begin to leave him and was aware of Wil gently moving him until his back was finally resting against the wall. He took a deep breath and began to gather his senses.
"Mark, Mark, are you ok?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it was just the relief that it was over."
"You did a magnificent job. But it's down to time now."
"I know. Come on, lets get out of here."
Steve stood up and moved towards the door as he heard it being pushed open. Jesse was unconscious on the bed, he looked very pale, and young. "Dad?"
"It went fine, Son. Now all we can do is wait. He will be kept immobile for a while, and then we'll see how much he can feel."
Mark looked over to where Rae was fast asleep in bed. He smiled. She looked much more peaceful. He wondered whether it had anything to do with the stuffed dog she was cuddling.
"How is she?"
"Better, Dad, a bit better I think. She talked to me, not a lot, but enough to get her started. But she got very agitated, and couldn't stop shaking. She won't let Alex give her anything to help her sleep, so he went and got the dog from the hospital shop, which probably means it cost him a week's salary." Mark smiled, the shop was very expensive. "Apparently it has lavender in it and it can be heated up. So Rae is sleeping with a hot dog."
They smiled at each other then, father and son, as they looked at two of the most important people in their lives, both of them fast asleep, and hopefully starting on the long road to recovery.
The End
Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, they mean so much, and keep me writing. I also need to thank my two beta readers once again. Guys, J and S, you know who you are, and I hope, how much fun you make this writing thing that we all do.
I am half way through the next story; I hope you will stick with me.
Tracy