THREE: IN THE BEGINNING OF TIME, POPCORN WAS KING
"Step on it."
"I am."
"You're not. That is not stepping. That is not even nudging it gently with your foot. If you looked up Webster's dictionary for the definition of "not stepping", there would be a picture of you … not stepping." Lorelai drummed her fingers on the dashboard. "Let me drive."
"No."
"I'm a competent driver, and I am familiar with most road signs."
"Please just sit there and be quiet."
"Can I at least touch the steering wheel?"
"Why on earth would you want to touch the steering wheel?"
"I don't know, it's better than just sitting here, having my daughter grow old and die without me, as I wait to reach the theater."
"Rory's going to be the exact same age she is when we get back. And she's going to be alive."
"How sure are you? She could have been married with kids by now. What year is it?"
"Quiet."
Lorelai obliged and said nothing. After a couple of minutes, she decided it was against the natural order of things and decided to speak again. "Luke?"
"What?"
"Can I give you a little hint? That right pedal, down there? It actually makes the truck go *faster*."
"I know it does."
"Funny, you act like you don't."
"Can we not get into this again?"
"All I'm saying is, a little bit of pressure applied to said pedal would make the journey much faster."
"And all I'm saying is, a little less usage applied to said mouth would make the journey more pleasurable."
"Oh, so you're being funny now, is it?" Lorelai said. "Got an epiphany? Decided you're gonna drive slow *and* make jokes?"
"Look, we're here." Luke pointed to the theater.
"God, Luke, did you know that when you pointed, you only had one hand on the steering wheel? Doesn't that go against the very nature of your driving? I mean, what is driving if both hands are not on the 10 and 2 position? I'm thoroughly disappointed in you. "
"They don't allow talking in the theater, do they?"
"No. But have you ever found me to be bounded by a silly thing like a rule?"
*
"Oh, amazingly, through some miracle, we're not late," said Lorelai looking at her watch as they walked to the theater. "It's like the Gods have smiled on us."
"If you didn't have to brush your hair like six thousand times we would have been here ages ago."
"And do what? Wait like sad losers for the movie to start? You see, I planned this all from the starting. Now we just the right amount of time to get some popcorn."
"I'm not getting any popcorn. It's disgusting, it's filthy, and you don't want to know what it does to your body."
"You can't watch a movie without popcorn," insisted Lorelai. "That's like … blasphemy."
"Yes, I'm sure the two are comparable."
"No, listen to me. It's like going to a baseball game without hotdogs."
"I do that."
"You're a freak," replied Lorelai. "Or it's like going to a rock concert without one of those cigarette lighters you flick on and wave in the air."
"That's a waste of money and ridiculously dangerous."
"It's like going to my mother's place with a positive outlook."
"Uh-huh."
"Or like going to a Britney Spears performance without a tube top and a slutty personality."
"Uh-huh."
"Or like … what's my point again?"
"You're expecting me to know this?"
"Ah, wait, I've got it. I need popcorn Luke."
"Then go and get some. I'll wait here."
"No, I think you've misinterpreted my statement," said Lorelai. "I need popcorn, Luke."
"Yeah, I heard you. I'll be here."
"I really, really, need popcorn, Luke."
"Go and get it."
"The lines are very long, and I need popcorn."
"Then hurry up before the queue gets longer, or we're going to miss the movie."
"I don't like waiting in line. And I need popcorn," Lorelai insisted.
"Again – it's right there. Go."
"Maybe I need to rephrase it," said Lorelai. "Since the beginning of time, it has always been argued that Man and popcorn have…"
"Stop." Luke cut her off. "I'll get you your damn popcorn."
Lorelai smiled and patted him on the back. "Get me a large one, please. And ask them not to skimp on the butter. The last time I came, it had so little flavor I felt like I was eating something I cooked. I'll be sitting right here."
Luke gave her a look.
"Thank you, Luke," said Lorelai sweetly.
Luke grunted and walked off , mumbling something to himself under his breath.
Lorelai gave herself a quiet "ha-ha", and sat on one of the benches. She looked around her for a few moments, bored and having nobody to talk to. Her eyes rested on a couple walking towards the theater from a distance, and her heart froze.
"What are my parents doing here?!" Her mind silently screamed. She got up quickly and tried to find a place to hide, but in doing so she only exposed herself to them.
"Lorelai!" Emily Gilmore called out to her from the sidewalk. "Over here!"
"Oh, crap."
*
"Step on it."
"I am."
"You're not. That is not stepping. That is not even nudging it gently with your foot. If you looked up Webster's dictionary for the definition of "not stepping", there would be a picture of you … not stepping." Lorelai drummed her fingers on the dashboard. "Let me drive."
"No."
"I'm a competent driver, and I am familiar with most road signs."
"Please just sit there and be quiet."
"Can I at least touch the steering wheel?"
"Why on earth would you want to touch the steering wheel?"
"I don't know, it's better than just sitting here, having my daughter grow old and die without me, as I wait to reach the theater."
"Rory's going to be the exact same age she is when we get back. And she's going to be alive."
"How sure are you? She could have been married with kids by now. What year is it?"
"Quiet."
Lorelai obliged and said nothing. After a couple of minutes, she decided it was against the natural order of things and decided to speak again. "Luke?"
"What?"
"Can I give you a little hint? That right pedal, down there? It actually makes the truck go *faster*."
"I know it does."
"Funny, you act like you don't."
"Can we not get into this again?"
"All I'm saying is, a little bit of pressure applied to said pedal would make the journey much faster."
"And all I'm saying is, a little less usage applied to said mouth would make the journey more pleasurable."
"Oh, so you're being funny now, is it?" Lorelai said. "Got an epiphany? Decided you're gonna drive slow *and* make jokes?"
"Look, we're here." Luke pointed to the theater.
"God, Luke, did you know that when you pointed, you only had one hand on the steering wheel? Doesn't that go against the very nature of your driving? I mean, what is driving if both hands are not on the 10 and 2 position? I'm thoroughly disappointed in you. "
"They don't allow talking in the theater, do they?"
"No. But have you ever found me to be bounded by a silly thing like a rule?"
*
"Oh, amazingly, through some miracle, we're not late," said Lorelai looking at her watch as they walked to the theater. "It's like the Gods have smiled on us."
"If you didn't have to brush your hair like six thousand times we would have been here ages ago."
"And do what? Wait like sad losers for the movie to start? You see, I planned this all from the starting. Now we just the right amount of time to get some popcorn."
"I'm not getting any popcorn. It's disgusting, it's filthy, and you don't want to know what it does to your body."
"You can't watch a movie without popcorn," insisted Lorelai. "That's like … blasphemy."
"Yes, I'm sure the two are comparable."
"No, listen to me. It's like going to a baseball game without hotdogs."
"I do that."
"You're a freak," replied Lorelai. "Or it's like going to a rock concert without one of those cigarette lighters you flick on and wave in the air."
"That's a waste of money and ridiculously dangerous."
"It's like going to my mother's place with a positive outlook."
"Uh-huh."
"Or like going to a Britney Spears performance without a tube top and a slutty personality."
"Uh-huh."
"Or like … what's my point again?"
"You're expecting me to know this?"
"Ah, wait, I've got it. I need popcorn Luke."
"Then go and get some. I'll wait here."
"No, I think you've misinterpreted my statement," said Lorelai. "I need popcorn, Luke."
"Yeah, I heard you. I'll be here."
"I really, really, need popcorn, Luke."
"Go and get it."
"The lines are very long, and I need popcorn."
"Then hurry up before the queue gets longer, or we're going to miss the movie."
"I don't like waiting in line. And I need popcorn," Lorelai insisted.
"Again – it's right there. Go."
"Maybe I need to rephrase it," said Lorelai. "Since the beginning of time, it has always been argued that Man and popcorn have…"
"Stop." Luke cut her off. "I'll get you your damn popcorn."
Lorelai smiled and patted him on the back. "Get me a large one, please. And ask them not to skimp on the butter. The last time I came, it had so little flavor I felt like I was eating something I cooked. I'll be sitting right here."
Luke gave her a look.
"Thank you, Luke," said Lorelai sweetly.
Luke grunted and walked off , mumbling something to himself under his breath.
Lorelai gave herself a quiet "ha-ha", and sat on one of the benches. She looked around her for a few moments, bored and having nobody to talk to. Her eyes rested on a couple walking towards the theater from a distance, and her heart froze.
"What are my parents doing here?!" Her mind silently screamed. She got up quickly and tried to find a place to hide, but in doing so she only exposed herself to them.
"Lorelai!" Emily Gilmore called out to her from the sidewalk. "Over here!"
"Oh, crap."
*