e-mail: Slaya@rock.com
discl: Marvel owns the X-men.
Never felt so low
Chapter fourteen- Sences
By The Opal Jade aka Slaya
-Hey! Don t even think about it….
Mistique said while transforming into Wolwerine.
-…rookie.
-Too late.
I used my new power that I just recently discovered. A super sonic kick. I can let energy off when I hit something. Or in this case someone.
I am a pure distraction. While Hipnotia and Domino get the computer program. Mystique works for the FOH. How patetic. For her and for them.
And for me. Because she just kicked my ass, warned everybody about the girls trying to steal the program and….game over.
We did awful. I failed. If I could just hold my grounds the way I should then Domino and Hipnotia would not have been dead.
I walk up to the computer.
REPEAT SIMULATION?
YES NO
YES
-We hav to do it a nuder time.
-No. Not you. You two did fine. I am the one to blame here. Again.
-Poison, baby…you re too hard on yourself. Give it a rest.
-We all have to improve ourself.
-Especially me. If I do not succed it is end game for the two of you. And not end simulation game but end life. It is death for you if I do not succed.
-Just give it a rest there.
And here we are. A nuder mind crushing day of sim, train, sim, train. I wish that we are back at the school before the FOH atacked. I wish that we saw it coming. I wish that we won the battle.
We are creating a new school. A secret one this time. That no one will know about except for us mutants. And this time it would be safe…..
Kitty soon joins me. She really grew up since the days of the school. And that was a little more than a month ago. And it seems like a milenia.
I wanted to be alone. So I talked to her a bit, then I left.
She learned how to fight real good. With the blades that were atached to her gloves. Covered with adamantium. I think that that is the Wolwerine factor in her. She looks up to him.
And there are more interesting things that happened.
Psylock is here stronger than ever. We all gained new powers or atleast evolved the ones that we already had. The profesor explained it as a consequence of the atack and our first mission. We desire greater power so that we can fight better and avenge our friends. It is a psycological issue.
Kitty is in more control of her power, she started to use her intangibility to float in air and to move faster using the wind that is blowing in the dirrection that she is going.
Domino now can do things like caus some maschine to malfunction. But her luck is runing out. And she is aware. It does not touch her.
I wonder how will she live without her power.
It is a logical conclusion.
No living being can not have so much of good luck on its back.
Evan. I got to know him a little. He is a good guy. His mutant power is a replicating exosceleton. That means that he can make a protective coathing of spikes surounding his body. That is why we call him Spyke. He can blast them off too. I would not want to be in the skin of the guy who gets hit.
Psylock comes in and interupts me from my deep meditation state.
I find it helping and relaxing. There is nogthing in the space but me and myself. Then I can take a closer look, then I can see things that normaly I can not.
-Get ready.
-For a sweap?
-No. For the mission.
-Thee mission?
-Yes.
I jumped straight of the floor. This was our big chance. My big chance.
To get FOH files and to discover what they have in mind.
Our roles changed from the original plan that we had. But I knew it by heart. Wolwerine already joined the FOH. Emma and I are gonna join it today while Hipnotia is gonna do it tomorow. Domino will hide her spot with make-up while pretending to be a fast-food deliver person in a diner from where the FOH orders the most of their food. Spyke will observe the ins and outs of the vehicles and the people. He will also be a back up. Our daily sweeps will be handed over to Psylock, Jean and Gambit. So that there will not be anything extra ordinary. We do not want the FOH to see us coming from a mile away. Rahne and Chamber will patrol around the premises while Kitty and the profesor will stay at headquarters with the computers (Kitty) and cerebro (the profesor).
There was a problem. We all had our unique stiles. And now we had to dress like normal people. I opened the closet, looked at Emma who just shrouged her shoulders down.
I had to hide the tatoo. Emma was not too glad about the covering extent of the clothes too.
We are going to join in two hours under the aliases of Bianca Lening (for me) and Emilia Smith (for Emma). Wolwerine is being known as Logan Martincox, Hipnotia will be known as Lily Sinclair.
Chamber was worried. He did not want to say a thing but he was worried mad. He hated the fact that he could not come with us. it it was because of his appearance. And he blamed himself.
It was his parents fault. They rased him as a «macho» man who always protects «his» women.
And that is why I came to his room to have a little talk.
The doors were slightly open.
He was expecting me.
I enter.
This is the first time that I am in his room. The color of brown in it can not be avoided. Maybe it is his favorite color. The color of dirt, color of the coldest ground.
He was sitting on his bed barefoot and without a shirt. He did not put anything on himself to try and hide the hole in his chest as he usually did.
And he knew I was coming.
It was strange. Like I watched a dead body and not a living human being.
It smelled like that too. It was not a smell of rotting away or decaying, just….the smell of flesh that does not grow but stands still.
I sat besides him.
Then slowly layed myself down on a big soft brown pillow. He raised his eyebrow when he got a good look at me, when he saw the white sneakers and T-shirt. Ordinary everyday jeans. Hair tied down instead of being let loose.
I did not like myself like this. He just did something that would look like a smile if his face were intact. I would bet that he had a beautiful face.
I started the conversation.
-I know that you are worried.
-So? Is that gonna stop you?
-No. I have my assignement.
-It s too dangerous.
-And you know very well that I am dangerous enough to handle it.
-But you re just a little girl, a kid.
-I have not been that for a long time now.
-No. You ve been just that for the whole time.
Why don t you change places with Rahne?
The thought on Rahne taking my place made me wanna scream. Just like she took over Rogue s place.
-That is not an option.
-Yeah. I can sence that.
I take his hand. And look at him from behind. From this angle he looks…normal. Living, breathing. Like he is gonna turn around without pain in his eyes, without the weight of his appearance and just be a person.
Shit!
The thought of that has been too strong. And he senced it. Knew about every word.
He could not cry. It is not physicly possible for him. I wonder….if he could…would he?
He trembled a bit. Softly aand gently.
-I am sorry. I did not mean anything….-he stayed silent.
So I got up and huged him from behind.
He pushes me away. I try again, this time I look at his face and kiss him.
-Don t.
-Why?
-This could never be.
-How do you know?
-I m a telepath for fucking Christs sake Craft!
-So am I. And I do not see anything wrong.
It pained me. To have him so quiet, to be able to hear him only in my head, like a secret hidden treasure. And to see and hear him trough the little trembles and movements that he did.
It was not bad. Quite the opposite. It was good.
I pull him to lay on top of me. He did not resist this time. He let the devil loose. And finnaly he did not runaway. He did not put his hand on me only to push me somwhere far away.
I kinda got the feeling of what it is like to be Gambit.
I closed my eyes while I felt his hands on my back pulling me closer to him. I melted down into the brown pillow, I sank underneath his weight.
I am thinking that there is no way in hell to be closer than we already are.
His chest closed around me like two walls, his cold nose on my neck. I kiss him. Once, twice…
The room was cold as a crypt or something like that. He pulled my shirt off and let it slip down to the floor. And he started exploring me with his hands, he did not have lips to do that.
Then suddenly…he stops and moves slowly away from me like a scared kitten, like he did something terribly wrong.
-We can t do this.
-Yes we can.
I could not bare the thought of parting with him right now, when there were still so many issues to go trough, to solve and finnaly to live them trough. I wanted to dissapear in him just like I almost did on the pillow.
The breath that I let off from me was heavy and damp.
-No we can t. I know it for a fact. If we do I ll send energy wawes into your body. But you won t be able to handle them.
-I can raise a shield around myself.
-No, it s a too big chance to take.
I care for you, enough not to let it happen to you.
He got up, got dressed and left.
I was left alone in his room.
Got my shirt on. It was left on the floor. The surface of it was rough, not soft enough.
I remember when I used to do that a lot. To pick up my clothes that were not layed down gently on the floor, but ripped violently off.
I hear ringing in my ears. Loud. Disturbing.
It makes no peace with me. Trying to forget. It is always bothering me without a stop to it.
Extra smooth. With a cherry on top.
Always in elegant gloves. It does not seem fit for a girl like me, for a girl that I am today to live trough it in any other given way.
The burden is on.
Everything is loaded.
And the pain begins just as it starts. Painful. What other way?
For me it does, no other way. Memories and the past that can not be avoided.
It is not about my power or my survival. It is not about me.
In whatever way they have used me they never got the real me. They just got the shell of my body, they got my sences and my eyes staring into the distance trying to block from their mind the horrid things going on to the body….
They got a robot who sometimes screamed and sometimes did not.
One day it just looked up and it was already gone.