A/N: HERE YOU GO GUYS. THE FINAL CHAPTER. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I CAN SEE
THAT YOU TOTALLY HATED HOW I WROTE THE LAST CHAPTER..LOL...I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYONE TAKE MAX AND ALEC'S RELATIONSHIP SO SERIOUSLY..LOL...IM JUST GLAD
YOU'RE ALL VERY DEVOTED TO THEM..ANYWAY, THANKS FOR READING. ENJOY.
"You know, you can't do this whole disappearing act too often because I don't want to be chasing after you all the time and besides, you should be in bed-recuperating." Max said quietly as she stood in the darkness.
"No one asked you to care, Max." Alec said rudely, not even bothering to turn around and look at her. He was sitting by the edge of the Space needle, his legs folded close to his chest and his arms holding them together.
"Too close to the edge," Max thought.
"How's Logan?" He asked bitterly. Right now he hated Logan and the antigen. He hated himself most of all for getting it.
But Alec wanted peace. He wanted Max to figure things out so that he might have a clue on where he fits in her life.
If he didn't fit anywhere then he was gone.
Goodbye Seattle and goodbye Max.
"You know a few days ago, I wanted to jump off of here." She declared casually as she sat down next to him.
Alec looked startled. He had no idea that Max had even thought of killing herself.
"I wanted to see how much pain I could take." Max whispered, still looking down as if she was still thinking of jumping.
Alec looked terrified as he watched her. For a second, she looked crazy.
"I felt insane." She said as if reading his thoughts, looking at him now. She couldn't cry anymore. She had cried all her tears already. "With the whole thing with you and Logan, you know. Plus Ben's death anniversary." Max sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry." He said sincerely. Max went on.
"I knew that I had to tell Logan about us. I had to. I didn't want anymore secrets." She explained. "But I put it on hold because all I could think of was Ben. And you."
"Max-" Alec spoke but Max cut him off.
"No, let me finish." She insisted. "I was dreading the day of his anniversary. I was so damn scared of it, of having to relive it all over again. I think a part of me believed that everything would be replayed and Ben would be alive and I would have to kill him again" She said brokenly. "And then you got shot in the woods and all I could think of was that it really was happening again but this time, I would have to kill you, instead of Ben." She looked at him, broken and afraid and filled with so much guilt.
"It's okay, Maxie." He said pulling her close to him. "I didn't die. I'm still here." Alec whispered in her hair as she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. As much as he was hurting now, he still loved her.
All the uncertainty seemed to go away as he held her there. In that moment, he didn't care. He just wanted to hold her and if it was the last time he would be able to do it, then it was fine. It would break his heart but Alec was willing to accept that for now.
"I'm sorry, I hurt you." She added quietly.
"You can never hurt me." He declared.
"But I do hurt you. And I did, lots of times." She insisted.
"Never mind, Max. It doesn't matter." Alec whispered.
"I told him I didn't love him." She said so suddenly that Alec was taken aback, unsure of whom she was talking about.
"What?" He asked, sounding more shock than they both expected.
"Logan. I told him that I didn't love him." She clarified, looking at him.
"Oh." He said. He was so happy that he couldn't move.
"Say something." She said.
Alec looked at her, unsure of what to say. "Like what?" He asked.
Max narrowed her eyes and moved away from him. God, she couldn't believe he wasn't even the slightest bit happy. Her heart sunk as she looked at him.
He looked so confused.
"Never mind." She said quietly as she stood up abruptly.
"Where are you going?" He asked as she dusted her pants and walked away.
"Home. I'm going home." She said flatly without looking back at him. What had happened? She had practically told him that she loved him. And nothing. Not even a small happy smile.
Just a confused look on his face that told her everything.
"What? Why?" He insisted as he caught up with her.
"Max, stop and look at me." He said pulling her arm and forcing her to face him.
"I'm sorry. My mistake." She mumbled. Yeah. I made a mistake thinking you'd be happy that I told Logan that I didn't love him anymore, thinking that you loved me too, she thought bitterly.
"What? Max, let's rewind here for a sec. I'm lost." He said, not letting go of her arm.
"Don't you get it? I chose you. I chose you instead of Logan. He and I are fine now but I still came back to you." She said firmly, looking at him with hurt written all over her face. "And you're still not happy."
It took him a second to realize what she had just said. "But-"
"No, it's okay, Alec. You don't have to explain. I understand if you don't feel the same way." She cut him off, yanking her arm away from him and walking away.
"I'm not going to explain anything, Max but why are you making this so difficult?" He called after her.
Max stopped abruptly. "I'm not making it difficult Alec." She said stiffly, not looking at him.
"Yes, you are. You know how I feel. I've just been waiting for you to accept it and tell me about how you feel." He insisted. Alec sighed. He wasn't good at heart to hearts and personally, he hated having to talk about his feelings with anyone, even Max.
"Then why didn't you look happy?" She asked.
"I don't know. Shocked I guess. I just thought that you already picked Logan."
"Well, I didn't. You should know that by now. You should know that I would have picked you anyway." She said firmly, sounding rather hurt that he didn't even believe that she loved him.
"I don't know a lot of things Max." He said. "Maybe you shouldn't expect so much from me."
"I'm not expecting anything from you." Max lied.
"Oh." He said.
"Alec, what is happening to us?" She asked, sounding frustrated.
She was sick of this.
She was tired of hiding her feelings. She loved him. She knew that.
Max wanted Alec to know that too.
"I don't know." Alec answered looking away. "All I know is how I feel. I love you. And I think you know that too." He declared. "I have loved you for the longest time but I couldn't admit it because..I wasn't used to loving anyone." Alec said, shifting his weight form one foot to another.
"What about Rachel?" Max asked quietly.
"I loved her but that was different. She was innocent. Different from me. From us-our kind, Max." He explained.
Max nodded. They had so much in common it was almost eerie. They shared a lot, whether they knew it or not.
Silence fell between them. Max was lost in her thoughts and Alec was waiting for her to say something.
"I love you too. There. I said it." She whispered before darting away from him. She didn't want to explain it. She couldn't.
She loved him-plain and simple.
As much as she wanted to make sense of her feelings, she couldn't. They were just there, day and night, gnawing at her.
And Max wanted to keep it there forever.
"Oh no, you are not running from me." He said blurring and in a matter of seconds, Alec was in front of her blocking her exit.
"Get out of the way, Alec." She said firmly.
"Why?" He demanded.
"Because I want to leave." She declared.
"Well, you're not leaving. You're staying here and we're fixing this." He said pulling her from the doorway and making her sit.
"There's nothing to fix." She insisted.
Alec sighed exasperatedly. "I really hate it when you do that." He said.
"Do what?" Max asked innocently, honestly not knowing what the hell he was talking about.
"When you just leave because you're not comfortable. Well, sorry to break it to you Max, but you're staying, like it or not and I don't care if you're not comfortable with this. We're getting this over with tonight." He said rather harshly that Max was a little shaken by his words.
A few minutes ago, he hadn't wanted to talk to her to even see her. But now, it was all different. Now that he knew how she really felt, he wanted to make it work so badly. All they've really had were complications but he loved her and she felt the same. That changed everything and even the most complicated things seemed so easy now knowing what he did.
"I told you how I felt Alec." She argued. "Isn't that good enough?"
"No, Max, actually it's not." He replied and she looked shocked. "I love you beyond belief, but you're always running from me, even when you know how you feel about me already. You make it so difficult that sometimes, I think hating you would be easier than loving you." Alec declared. He kept her hand between his, refusing to let her go.
Max's stiff hand relaxed and she intertwined her fingers with Alec's. "I'm just not used to this." She sighed. It was her way of telling him that she was scared and that had taken a lot of her strength to say it.
Fear had been her driving force in her life. It was what made her do all the things that she did.
It made her strong.
Love was something she was unaccustomed to. Love got you hurt. Got you killed. It distracted you from what was important which was to survive.
She was supposed to be always brave and strong and never weak but Alec made her feel a lot of things and it scared her.
To some people, love may be the most wonderful thing in the world, but to Max, it was another being itself: alive, uncontrollable and unpredictable; everything that Max wasn't taught to handle.
She wanted to tell him that she was scared that if she let her guard down, the world that she tried so hard to preserve will somehow crumble and she won't be able to save it; scared that if she let herself really love him, she'd lose him too like she lost everyone else. Alec was the only one left out of everyone that she loved. If she lost him, Max didn't know if she had any courage left to go on.
But she didn't tell him. Somehow, Alec knew all that already. He felt them too.
"I know." He said pulling her closer to him and hugging her. He held her like that for the longest time, letting Max let go of all the emotions that she had been holding back.
She cried because she was scared and happy and relieved; she was many things. It didn't matter anymore. Whatever fear or uncertainty she might feel, she wouldn't have to carry the burden alone.
She had Alec by her side.
He had always been there, making the heavy weight of the world on her shoulders less painful. He had always stood by her side, waiting for her; for the moment that she'd finally see him for who he was and who he wasn't.
He was Alec. Her Alec.
She loved him. Really loved him, and Max was thankful to whatever force that brought them together, even if it was Manticore.
"It's okay, baby. I'm here." He said as he kissed her hair, stroking her back gently.
"I know." Max whispered, knowing that she could depend on him forever and he would never leave her side.
Their world was not perfect and neither were they but Max could accept that now.
"I love you." She said as she kissed him softly.
She had made her peace with Ben and his death. She had let go of her guilt, of whatever it was that stopped her from loving Alec. And she had said good bye to Logan, to whatever past they may have shared.
And now, she was finally going to have the happiness that she had long wanted but couldn't have.
She was going to be happy. With Alec, of course.
"You know, you can't do this whole disappearing act too often because I don't want to be chasing after you all the time and besides, you should be in bed-recuperating." Max said quietly as she stood in the darkness.
"No one asked you to care, Max." Alec said rudely, not even bothering to turn around and look at her. He was sitting by the edge of the Space needle, his legs folded close to his chest and his arms holding them together.
"Too close to the edge," Max thought.
"How's Logan?" He asked bitterly. Right now he hated Logan and the antigen. He hated himself most of all for getting it.
But Alec wanted peace. He wanted Max to figure things out so that he might have a clue on where he fits in her life.
If he didn't fit anywhere then he was gone.
Goodbye Seattle and goodbye Max.
"You know a few days ago, I wanted to jump off of here." She declared casually as she sat down next to him.
Alec looked startled. He had no idea that Max had even thought of killing herself.
"I wanted to see how much pain I could take." Max whispered, still looking down as if she was still thinking of jumping.
Alec looked terrified as he watched her. For a second, she looked crazy.
"I felt insane." She said as if reading his thoughts, looking at him now. She couldn't cry anymore. She had cried all her tears already. "With the whole thing with you and Logan, you know. Plus Ben's death anniversary." Max sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry." He said sincerely. Max went on.
"I knew that I had to tell Logan about us. I had to. I didn't want anymore secrets." She explained. "But I put it on hold because all I could think of was Ben. And you."
"Max-" Alec spoke but Max cut him off.
"No, let me finish." She insisted. "I was dreading the day of his anniversary. I was so damn scared of it, of having to relive it all over again. I think a part of me believed that everything would be replayed and Ben would be alive and I would have to kill him again" She said brokenly. "And then you got shot in the woods and all I could think of was that it really was happening again but this time, I would have to kill you, instead of Ben." She looked at him, broken and afraid and filled with so much guilt.
"It's okay, Maxie." He said pulling her close to him. "I didn't die. I'm still here." Alec whispered in her hair as she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. As much as he was hurting now, he still loved her.
All the uncertainty seemed to go away as he held her there. In that moment, he didn't care. He just wanted to hold her and if it was the last time he would be able to do it, then it was fine. It would break his heart but Alec was willing to accept that for now.
"I'm sorry, I hurt you." She added quietly.
"You can never hurt me." He declared.
"But I do hurt you. And I did, lots of times." She insisted.
"Never mind, Max. It doesn't matter." Alec whispered.
"I told him I didn't love him." She said so suddenly that Alec was taken aback, unsure of whom she was talking about.
"What?" He asked, sounding more shock than they both expected.
"Logan. I told him that I didn't love him." She clarified, looking at him.
"Oh." He said. He was so happy that he couldn't move.
"Say something." She said.
Alec looked at her, unsure of what to say. "Like what?" He asked.
Max narrowed her eyes and moved away from him. God, she couldn't believe he wasn't even the slightest bit happy. Her heart sunk as she looked at him.
He looked so confused.
"Never mind." She said quietly as she stood up abruptly.
"Where are you going?" He asked as she dusted her pants and walked away.
"Home. I'm going home." She said flatly without looking back at him. What had happened? She had practically told him that she loved him. And nothing. Not even a small happy smile.
Just a confused look on his face that told her everything.
"What? Why?" He insisted as he caught up with her.
"Max, stop and look at me." He said pulling her arm and forcing her to face him.
"I'm sorry. My mistake." She mumbled. Yeah. I made a mistake thinking you'd be happy that I told Logan that I didn't love him anymore, thinking that you loved me too, she thought bitterly.
"What? Max, let's rewind here for a sec. I'm lost." He said, not letting go of her arm.
"Don't you get it? I chose you. I chose you instead of Logan. He and I are fine now but I still came back to you." She said firmly, looking at him with hurt written all over her face. "And you're still not happy."
It took him a second to realize what she had just said. "But-"
"No, it's okay, Alec. You don't have to explain. I understand if you don't feel the same way." She cut him off, yanking her arm away from him and walking away.
"I'm not going to explain anything, Max but why are you making this so difficult?" He called after her.
Max stopped abruptly. "I'm not making it difficult Alec." She said stiffly, not looking at him.
"Yes, you are. You know how I feel. I've just been waiting for you to accept it and tell me about how you feel." He insisted. Alec sighed. He wasn't good at heart to hearts and personally, he hated having to talk about his feelings with anyone, even Max.
"Then why didn't you look happy?" She asked.
"I don't know. Shocked I guess. I just thought that you already picked Logan."
"Well, I didn't. You should know that by now. You should know that I would have picked you anyway." She said firmly, sounding rather hurt that he didn't even believe that she loved him.
"I don't know a lot of things Max." He said. "Maybe you shouldn't expect so much from me."
"I'm not expecting anything from you." Max lied.
"Oh." He said.
"Alec, what is happening to us?" She asked, sounding frustrated.
She was sick of this.
She was tired of hiding her feelings. She loved him. She knew that.
Max wanted Alec to know that too.
"I don't know." Alec answered looking away. "All I know is how I feel. I love you. And I think you know that too." He declared. "I have loved you for the longest time but I couldn't admit it because..I wasn't used to loving anyone." Alec said, shifting his weight form one foot to another.
"What about Rachel?" Max asked quietly.
"I loved her but that was different. She was innocent. Different from me. From us-our kind, Max." He explained.
Max nodded. They had so much in common it was almost eerie. They shared a lot, whether they knew it or not.
Silence fell between them. Max was lost in her thoughts and Alec was waiting for her to say something.
"I love you too. There. I said it." She whispered before darting away from him. She didn't want to explain it. She couldn't.
She loved him-plain and simple.
As much as she wanted to make sense of her feelings, she couldn't. They were just there, day and night, gnawing at her.
And Max wanted to keep it there forever.
"Oh no, you are not running from me." He said blurring and in a matter of seconds, Alec was in front of her blocking her exit.
"Get out of the way, Alec." She said firmly.
"Why?" He demanded.
"Because I want to leave." She declared.
"Well, you're not leaving. You're staying here and we're fixing this." He said pulling her from the doorway and making her sit.
"There's nothing to fix." She insisted.
Alec sighed exasperatedly. "I really hate it when you do that." He said.
"Do what?" Max asked innocently, honestly not knowing what the hell he was talking about.
"When you just leave because you're not comfortable. Well, sorry to break it to you Max, but you're staying, like it or not and I don't care if you're not comfortable with this. We're getting this over with tonight." He said rather harshly that Max was a little shaken by his words.
A few minutes ago, he hadn't wanted to talk to her to even see her. But now, it was all different. Now that he knew how she really felt, he wanted to make it work so badly. All they've really had were complications but he loved her and she felt the same. That changed everything and even the most complicated things seemed so easy now knowing what he did.
"I told you how I felt Alec." She argued. "Isn't that good enough?"
"No, Max, actually it's not." He replied and she looked shocked. "I love you beyond belief, but you're always running from me, even when you know how you feel about me already. You make it so difficult that sometimes, I think hating you would be easier than loving you." Alec declared. He kept her hand between his, refusing to let her go.
Max's stiff hand relaxed and she intertwined her fingers with Alec's. "I'm just not used to this." She sighed. It was her way of telling him that she was scared and that had taken a lot of her strength to say it.
Fear had been her driving force in her life. It was what made her do all the things that she did.
It made her strong.
Love was something she was unaccustomed to. Love got you hurt. Got you killed. It distracted you from what was important which was to survive.
She was supposed to be always brave and strong and never weak but Alec made her feel a lot of things and it scared her.
To some people, love may be the most wonderful thing in the world, but to Max, it was another being itself: alive, uncontrollable and unpredictable; everything that Max wasn't taught to handle.
She wanted to tell him that she was scared that if she let her guard down, the world that she tried so hard to preserve will somehow crumble and she won't be able to save it; scared that if she let herself really love him, she'd lose him too like she lost everyone else. Alec was the only one left out of everyone that she loved. If she lost him, Max didn't know if she had any courage left to go on.
But she didn't tell him. Somehow, Alec knew all that already. He felt them too.
"I know." He said pulling her closer to him and hugging her. He held her like that for the longest time, letting Max let go of all the emotions that she had been holding back.
She cried because she was scared and happy and relieved; she was many things. It didn't matter anymore. Whatever fear or uncertainty she might feel, she wouldn't have to carry the burden alone.
She had Alec by her side.
He had always been there, making the heavy weight of the world on her shoulders less painful. He had always stood by her side, waiting for her; for the moment that she'd finally see him for who he was and who he wasn't.
He was Alec. Her Alec.
She loved him. Really loved him, and Max was thankful to whatever force that brought them together, even if it was Manticore.
"It's okay, baby. I'm here." He said as he kissed her hair, stroking her back gently.
"I know." Max whispered, knowing that she could depend on him forever and he would never leave her side.
Their world was not perfect and neither were they but Max could accept that now.
"I love you." She said as she kissed him softly.
She had made her peace with Ben and his death. She had let go of her guilt, of whatever it was that stopped her from loving Alec. And she had said good bye to Logan, to whatever past they may have shared.
And now, she was finally going to have the happiness that she had long wanted but couldn't have.
She was going to be happy. With Alec, of course.