Angela and Sharice Take a Stroll Through Middle-earth
Chapter 2: The Rental Square
Angela (still clinging Legolas' poor arm) and Legolas and Merry and Pippin and Aragorn and Gimli and Frodo and Sam *gasp* wandered aimlessly into Lothlorien where they found a string of little shops. The first shop they saw had a golden sign outside that read: "Tina's Transportation Shop."
"Hey," Angela asked, "do you think we could find some horses in there?"
"One would imagine." Gimli replied.
"I wasn't talking to YOU." Angela screamed. She then turned to Legolas. "Do YOU think we could find some horses there?"
"I guess." Legolas replied.
"Yay! Let's go!" Angela said ecstatically, and began to drag Legolas along.
Behind them, Gimli whispered to Aragorn: "I think we should kill her before her joy and mirth gets to be annoying."
Aragorn nodded solemnly and walked behind Angela and Legolas. The Hobbits waddled after, hopelessly plastered from the dangerous fumes of Frodo's Hobbit crack.
Angela and Legolas were already in the building. Tina sat at the front desk. Surrounding her were pictures of just about every shiny car you could possibly think of.
"I didn't know there were cars in Middle-earth." Angela said.
"Cars? There's no such thing! We're in Middle-earth!" Tina said.
"Then what are the pictures of cars for?" Angela asked.
"Pleasure." Tina replied.
A silence ensued.
"Look, it doesn't matter, as long as we can get some horses!" Aragorn put in.
"Sorry, we're all out of horses." Tina said.
"For a Lance Bass doll?" Angela bribed.
"GIMME." Tina said. Angela handed her the Lance Bass doll. Tina grabbed it greedily and cuddled it.
"Where does she have room for all that stuff?" Pippin asked.
"Shh!"
"Well." Tina said after she had cuddled Lance's head off, "now that I think of it, we do have this camel."
"A camel?" Aragorn asked. "I don't know.. I've never ridden a camel before."
"Oh, but it's a very good camel!" Tina cried. "Trust me; it's just like riding a horse!"
"Well, okay." Aragorn relented."
"Good. Oh, but I should warn you. this camel has just one teensy weensy problem with it."
"And what is that?" asked Aragorn suspiciously.
"Well, the camel needs to be jacked off every 100 feet, or it will stop."
Another silence ensued.
"What does that mean?" Pippin asked.
"You know. I think we'll walk it." Angela said, and dragged Legolas out of the building like a dog on a leash.
The Fellowship then decided to patrol the rest of the Rental square to see what they could see. They stopped in front of a shop with a sign in front of it that read: "Todrey's Anime Supply Shop and Army of the Undead Rental." On the door was a poster of one of those heavily endowed, scantily clad female sluts that both empowered women and objectified them at the same time. The entire Fellowship's eyes widened and mouth's dropped, saved Angela, who didn't care about women.
"No! The temptation! I must think of Arwen! Arwen! Arwen!" Aragorn muttered, and covered his eyes.
"Yeah, me too." Said Legolas, covering his eyes.
"Ditto." Said Gimli, averting his eyes.
"Hey, why are you guys thinking of Arwen?
"We never said we were." Legolas replied.
"Yeah but. I. uh. AW DAMNS IT!!!" Aragorn said.
Angela chuckled. "Gotcha with their legal mumbo jumbo did they?"
"Shut up." Aragorn spat.
And so the Fellowship moved on. Next door to the Anime Shop, was a shop with a sign that read: "Staci the Interdimensional Pimp's Bordello for Male Whores."
"Ooooooh curious." Angela said, and walked in. The Fellowship walked in reluctantly behind.
"God bless you!" Staci shouted as they entered. She was dressed in a big overcoat with a felt hat and carried around a cane.
"Who you got today?" Angela asked.
"We've got everything! Who do you want?" Staci asked.
"Um. how about Cloud?" Angela asked.
"He's on vacation."
"Vincent?"
"He's got aids."
"Ouch. uh. Kuja?"
"Okay then. how about. Legolas?"
"What?" Legolas asked, extremely confused, being the blonde that he is.
"Legolas? He's free tonight."
"Cool! I'll take him."
"But I'm right here!" Legolas whined. Behind him, the Hobbits found some condoms, which they slipped onto bananas, and began hitting each other with them.
"Let's see. you're in luck! Today's Monday, so he's on sale for only twenty cents!"
Angela gave Staci twenty cents.
"BUT I'M RIGHT HERE!" Legolas said, and began to cry.
"Thank you, Miss. And here's the whore you ordered."
Legolas disappeared in a puff of smoke. and Squall reappeared in his place.
"Hey! I ordered Legolas, not Squall!" Angela said in a rage.
"Sorry! No refunds!" Staci shouted and made her getaway in her Cadillac.
"I thought there were no cars in Middle-earth." Sam said.
"Never you mind! We have to save Legolas!" Angela said.
"Why?" Gimli asked.
"Why? Because no one wants to know what she does to her whores on Thursday nights!"
"Oh my God! And it's only Wednesday!" shouted Frodo, before passing out.
"What does she do to her whores on Thursday nights?" Pippin asked. Merry slapped Pippin.
"Inspection." Angela replied.
The Fellowship gave an involuntary shudder.
"So what do we do?" Merry asked?"
"Follow that Cadillac!" Angela shouted.
So the Fellowship and Angela and Squall trudged out of the shop. Aragorn eyed Squall suspiciously.
"My CG's better than yours." Squall said.
"That does it!" Aragorn screamed and tackled Squall. Angela laughed and pulled out some popcorn and began passing it around.
Suddenly, Gimli noticed precisely 100 feet away from Tina's Transportation Shop, was Justin, trying to figure out why the camel had stopped. Sharice was standing by, looking rather annoyed.
"Look! It's Justin Timberlake!" Gimli shouted.
"Who cares?" Angela asked, throwing popcorn at Aragorn and Squall.
"Weren't we killing him or something?" Frodo asked, and passed out again.
"Oh. fine. I think Squall's pretty much won this anyways." Angela said, turning to the two guys rolling over and over on top of each other. "Hey, guys! Stop envying a yaoi scene and let's go!"
Squall and Aragorn immediately got up.
"It's Justin! He must die!" Aragorn shouted, and limped over to where Justin and Sharice were.
Meanwhile.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID CAMEL!?!?!" Justin cried. The camel just stood there, no matter what he tried. The camel sighed. It was a very lonely camel.
"I told you not to rent that camel! God, I can't believe how stupid you are!" Sharice said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey! I thought you were supposed to be my biggest fan!" Justin whined.
Sharice smacked him for impertinence. Suddenly, they both noticed the remaining Fellowship and Angela and Squall coming towards them. Justin screamed like a little girl and began kicking the camel in the butt. The camel smiled and took a few steps forward.
"Stupid camel!" Justin shouted.
Finally Aragorn reached them.
"Justin Timberlake, you must die!"
"No! I can't die! I just released a new CD! I. I. think of all the fan girls that will hate you!"
"Are you kidding? Your fan girls don't scare me! I have my own set of fan girls! Very nice looking ones too!" Aragorn replied.
"You do?" Angela asked.
"Yes, I do."
"How come I've never met them?"
"Because they are invisible."
"Yeah right." Angela rolled her eyes.
"Now, Justin must die!" Aragorn said again. But Justin hid behind Frodo and Sam, who were playing ping-pong with condom-covered bananas. So of course, Aragorn accidentally killed them both. And the Author did grin, because she didn't like Frodo anyways.
Justin was elated. "Yes! It worked again! I can't believe it-" then Justin fell flat on his face.
"Ooooooh, look! A shiny object!" Sharice cried, never mind that two hobbits just died a horrible death.
"Where?" Justin cried. He picked it up, and lo and behold it was the One Ring!
Suddenly, Jamie the Magic Fairy floated down and smacked Justin in the head with her wand.
"Ouch! What was that for?" Justin asked, rubbing his head gingerly.
"Initiation!" She replied.
"What?" everyone asked.
"This is to proclaim Justin the new Ring-bearer!" she replied.
"Me? Why me?" Justin asked.
"Because you'll never amount to anything. If you die, no one will suffer, notice or care!" Jamie the Magic Fairy explained.
"Oh.. Hey, wait a minute!" Justin said.
"Sorry, no refunds." Jamie replied, and floated away.
"Whoa. that is so deep." Sharice said.
"So Justin's the new Ring-bearer? Does that mean I can't kill him?" Aragorn asked.
"No." Gimli replied.
"Good!" Aragorn said, raising his sword.
But then, Justin screamed like a girl and ran away again.
"Wait for me!" Sharice cried, and ran after him.
"Oh darn, they got away." Angela said.
"We can't let that happen!" Merry said.
"Oh yes we can. We have to save Legolas, remember? I have my priorities after all." Angela replied.
"Hey! What are you people doing in Lothlorien?" The Fellowship and Angela and Squall turned to see Galadriel. "Get out now!"
"We were just leaving! We didn't wanna see your stupid mirror anyways!" Angela shouted.
"You didn't?"
"No."
Galadriel thought about it for a moment. She was still thinking when the Fellowship and Angela and Squall left.
Chapter 2: The Rental Square
Angela (still clinging Legolas' poor arm) and Legolas and Merry and Pippin and Aragorn and Gimli and Frodo and Sam *gasp* wandered aimlessly into Lothlorien where they found a string of little shops. The first shop they saw had a golden sign outside that read: "Tina's Transportation Shop."
"Hey," Angela asked, "do you think we could find some horses in there?"
"One would imagine." Gimli replied.
"I wasn't talking to YOU." Angela screamed. She then turned to Legolas. "Do YOU think we could find some horses there?"
"I guess." Legolas replied.
"Yay! Let's go!" Angela said ecstatically, and began to drag Legolas along.
Behind them, Gimli whispered to Aragorn: "I think we should kill her before her joy and mirth gets to be annoying."
Aragorn nodded solemnly and walked behind Angela and Legolas. The Hobbits waddled after, hopelessly plastered from the dangerous fumes of Frodo's Hobbit crack.
Angela and Legolas were already in the building. Tina sat at the front desk. Surrounding her were pictures of just about every shiny car you could possibly think of.
"I didn't know there were cars in Middle-earth." Angela said.
"Cars? There's no such thing! We're in Middle-earth!" Tina said.
"Then what are the pictures of cars for?" Angela asked.
"Pleasure." Tina replied.
A silence ensued.
"Look, it doesn't matter, as long as we can get some horses!" Aragorn put in.
"Sorry, we're all out of horses." Tina said.
"For a Lance Bass doll?" Angela bribed.
"GIMME." Tina said. Angela handed her the Lance Bass doll. Tina grabbed it greedily and cuddled it.
"Where does she have room for all that stuff?" Pippin asked.
"Shh!"
"Well." Tina said after she had cuddled Lance's head off, "now that I think of it, we do have this camel."
"A camel?" Aragorn asked. "I don't know.. I've never ridden a camel before."
"Oh, but it's a very good camel!" Tina cried. "Trust me; it's just like riding a horse!"
"Well, okay." Aragorn relented."
"Good. Oh, but I should warn you. this camel has just one teensy weensy problem with it."
"And what is that?" asked Aragorn suspiciously.
"Well, the camel needs to be jacked off every 100 feet, or it will stop."
Another silence ensued.
"What does that mean?" Pippin asked.
"You know. I think we'll walk it." Angela said, and dragged Legolas out of the building like a dog on a leash.
The Fellowship then decided to patrol the rest of the Rental square to see what they could see. They stopped in front of a shop with a sign in front of it that read: "Todrey's Anime Supply Shop and Army of the Undead Rental." On the door was a poster of one of those heavily endowed, scantily clad female sluts that both empowered women and objectified them at the same time. The entire Fellowship's eyes widened and mouth's dropped, saved Angela, who didn't care about women.
"No! The temptation! I must think of Arwen! Arwen! Arwen!" Aragorn muttered, and covered his eyes.
"Yeah, me too." Said Legolas, covering his eyes.
"Ditto." Said Gimli, averting his eyes.
"Hey, why are you guys thinking of Arwen?
"We never said we were." Legolas replied.
"Yeah but. I. uh. AW DAMNS IT!!!" Aragorn said.
Angela chuckled. "Gotcha with their legal mumbo jumbo did they?"
"Shut up." Aragorn spat.
And so the Fellowship moved on. Next door to the Anime Shop, was a shop with a sign that read: "Staci the Interdimensional Pimp's Bordello for Male Whores."
"Ooooooh curious." Angela said, and walked in. The Fellowship walked in reluctantly behind.
"God bless you!" Staci shouted as they entered. She was dressed in a big overcoat with a felt hat and carried around a cane.
"Who you got today?" Angela asked.
"We've got everything! Who do you want?" Staci asked.
"Um. how about Cloud?" Angela asked.
"He's on vacation."
"Vincent?"
"He's got aids."
"Ouch. uh. Kuja?"
"Okay then. how about. Legolas?"
"What?" Legolas asked, extremely confused, being the blonde that he is.
"Legolas? He's free tonight."
"Cool! I'll take him."
"But I'm right here!" Legolas whined. Behind him, the Hobbits found some condoms, which they slipped onto bananas, and began hitting each other with them.
"Let's see. you're in luck! Today's Monday, so he's on sale for only twenty cents!"
Angela gave Staci twenty cents.
"BUT I'M RIGHT HERE!" Legolas said, and began to cry.
"Thank you, Miss. And here's the whore you ordered."
Legolas disappeared in a puff of smoke. and Squall reappeared in his place.
"Hey! I ordered Legolas, not Squall!" Angela said in a rage.
"Sorry! No refunds!" Staci shouted and made her getaway in her Cadillac.
"I thought there were no cars in Middle-earth." Sam said.
"Never you mind! We have to save Legolas!" Angela said.
"Why?" Gimli asked.
"Why? Because no one wants to know what she does to her whores on Thursday nights!"
"Oh my God! And it's only Wednesday!" shouted Frodo, before passing out.
"What does she do to her whores on Thursday nights?" Pippin asked. Merry slapped Pippin.
"Inspection." Angela replied.
The Fellowship gave an involuntary shudder.
"So what do we do?" Merry asked?"
"Follow that Cadillac!" Angela shouted.
So the Fellowship and Angela and Squall trudged out of the shop. Aragorn eyed Squall suspiciously.
"My CG's better than yours." Squall said.
"That does it!" Aragorn screamed and tackled Squall. Angela laughed and pulled out some popcorn and began passing it around.
Suddenly, Gimli noticed precisely 100 feet away from Tina's Transportation Shop, was Justin, trying to figure out why the camel had stopped. Sharice was standing by, looking rather annoyed.
"Look! It's Justin Timberlake!" Gimli shouted.
"Who cares?" Angela asked, throwing popcorn at Aragorn and Squall.
"Weren't we killing him or something?" Frodo asked, and passed out again.
"Oh. fine. I think Squall's pretty much won this anyways." Angela said, turning to the two guys rolling over and over on top of each other. "Hey, guys! Stop envying a yaoi scene and let's go!"
Squall and Aragorn immediately got up.
"It's Justin! He must die!" Aragorn shouted, and limped over to where Justin and Sharice were.
Meanwhile.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID CAMEL!?!?!" Justin cried. The camel just stood there, no matter what he tried. The camel sighed. It was a very lonely camel.
"I told you not to rent that camel! God, I can't believe how stupid you are!" Sharice said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey! I thought you were supposed to be my biggest fan!" Justin whined.
Sharice smacked him for impertinence. Suddenly, they both noticed the remaining Fellowship and Angela and Squall coming towards them. Justin screamed like a little girl and began kicking the camel in the butt. The camel smiled and took a few steps forward.
"Stupid camel!" Justin shouted.
Finally Aragorn reached them.
"Justin Timberlake, you must die!"
"No! I can't die! I just released a new CD! I. I. think of all the fan girls that will hate you!"
"Are you kidding? Your fan girls don't scare me! I have my own set of fan girls! Very nice looking ones too!" Aragorn replied.
"You do?" Angela asked.
"Yes, I do."
"How come I've never met them?"
"Because they are invisible."
"Yeah right." Angela rolled her eyes.
"Now, Justin must die!" Aragorn said again. But Justin hid behind Frodo and Sam, who were playing ping-pong with condom-covered bananas. So of course, Aragorn accidentally killed them both. And the Author did grin, because she didn't like Frodo anyways.
Justin was elated. "Yes! It worked again! I can't believe it-" then Justin fell flat on his face.
"Ooooooh, look! A shiny object!" Sharice cried, never mind that two hobbits just died a horrible death.
"Where?" Justin cried. He picked it up, and lo and behold it was the One Ring!
Suddenly, Jamie the Magic Fairy floated down and smacked Justin in the head with her wand.
"Ouch! What was that for?" Justin asked, rubbing his head gingerly.
"Initiation!" She replied.
"What?" everyone asked.
"This is to proclaim Justin the new Ring-bearer!" she replied.
"Me? Why me?" Justin asked.
"Because you'll never amount to anything. If you die, no one will suffer, notice or care!" Jamie the Magic Fairy explained.
"Oh.. Hey, wait a minute!" Justin said.
"Sorry, no refunds." Jamie replied, and floated away.
"Whoa. that is so deep." Sharice said.
"So Justin's the new Ring-bearer? Does that mean I can't kill him?" Aragorn asked.
"No." Gimli replied.
"Good!" Aragorn said, raising his sword.
But then, Justin screamed like a girl and ran away again.
"Wait for me!" Sharice cried, and ran after him.
"Oh darn, they got away." Angela said.
"We can't let that happen!" Merry said.
"Oh yes we can. We have to save Legolas, remember? I have my priorities after all." Angela replied.
"Hey! What are you people doing in Lothlorien?" The Fellowship and Angela and Squall turned to see Galadriel. "Get out now!"
"We were just leaving! We didn't wanna see your stupid mirror anyways!" Angela shouted.
"You didn't?"
"No."
Galadriel thought about it for a moment. She was still thinking when the Fellowship and Angela and Squall left.